Parental Help: Providing Support During Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce is going to be hard for any couple, but it’ll be especially rough on your children. Due to this, they might need some extra parental help. Doing so can help make divorce easier for them to handle, and in effect make it easier for you and your ex too…

Parental Help: Make Divorce Easier

Talk to them

It might seem obvious, but talking to your kids is one way to give them the parental help they need. Open communication is crucial for explaining to them what’s going on. Be sure to tell them that what’s going on isn’t their fault, so they don’t feel like they did something wrong.

Also, it’s okay to talk to them about what might change. Your kids will appreciate you being honest with them and can get prepared for those changes this way. Make sure to still talk to them about things like school and sports. This helps them see you still care about them, even with the divorce going on.

Talk respectfully to your ex

Depending on why you’re divorcing, you may feel pretty negatively towards your ex. This can make it very tempting to talk poorly to or about them. However, you don’t want to do this around your kids. In fact, being respectful is another form of parental help.

Talking poorly about your ex to your kids isn’t going to make them “pick your side.” Rather, it’ll just confuse them and make the situation worse. Instead, keep things civil when you need to talk to your ex. Don’t forget the saying “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”

Spend time together

One of the best forms of parental help is spending time with your kids. While your family may look a bit different, you’re still a family nonetheless. That’s why it’s key you help your kids feel like that family still exists.

Be sure to spend time with your kids like you normally would. Eat dinner together, watch movies, play games, and attend events they have at school. Be sure you also encourage them to also spend similar time with their other parent too!

Divorce Health Issues: Avoiding a Decline

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce can affect a lot of areas of your life, even when it’s over. Something you should be especially aware of are divorce health issues. These issues are best addressed early on, which is why it’s crucial to recognize the signs…

Divorce Health Issues: What To Watch

Mental health

Your mental health is one area where divorce health issues can pop up. Divorce tends to cause a lot of stress, as you try to juggle the process itself and the rest of your life. It can also bring about a lot of uncertainty over what your life will be like when the divorce is finished. These can cause pretty high levels of anxiety.

Depression is also a common health issue. Usually, this is due to feeling like a failure after your divorce. It could also be caused by self-esteem issues which arise post-divorce. Seeking out professional help early on can prevent these issues from getting worse.

Weight change

Weight change is also another common divorce health issue. For some, they might find themselves eating too much after their divorce. This is because of how eating “comfort foods”, like their name implies, makes them feel better. However, many of these choices are unhealthy, leading to weight gain.

Other times, a person may not eat enough. They might experience a loss of appetite, and barely eat as much as they should. This can cause them to rapidly lose an unhealthy amount of weight. Ultimately, following a healthy balanced diet can prevent these problems and make you feel better with more energy.

Sleep problems

Many divorce health issues can impact or be related to sleep. Insomnia, for example, tends to be a common issue for many. Others might struggle to sleep consistently through the night, and constantly wake up. A lack of sleep can then lead to issues with one’s mental and physical health.

Too much sleep can also be unhealthy as well. Usually, a desire to sleep constantly can be a sign of depression. Plus, you’ll also prevent yourself from reaching post-divorce goals if you’re sleeping all the time. Avoiding things like caffeine, and going to sleep consistently at proper times can help you get the right amount of sleep.

Individual Therapy: Emotional Impact of Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Before your divorce, you may have tried out couples counseling to address the issues you were facing. However, now that you are divorcing, it may be good to seek out individual therapy. You might be hesitant, based on experiences in the past. But, there are a few benefits you might find by doing so…

Individual Therapy: Potential Benefits

Extra support

When divorcing, a strong support system is very important. For most people, this means leaning on their friends and family. Still, you may need a bit of extra help during this time. That’s one of the potential benefits you can get from individual therapy.

A therapist is able to provide you with professional support that friends or family can’t. This is especially helpful if you’re experiencing some strong negative emotions. A therapist can help you to understand how you feel, and come up with ways to get your mind in a better place.

Honest opinion

Individual therapy can also give you some much-needed honest feedback. While your friends and family may want to help you, they may also give you some biased feedback. This could involve them blaming your spouse for all the things which went wrong, even if that isn’t entirely true. As a result, your own decision making could get influenced in a negative way.

However, a therapist will be able to provide you with honest feedback. They’ll be able to let you know where you may have made mistakes in your marriage as well. While it may be painful, it’ll ultimately be better for you in the long run. Not only will it help clear up your decision making, but it’ll also improve your future relationships.

Help your family

If you have kids, then you’ll know divorce can also be pretty tough on them too. Understandably, you’ll want to help them, but may not know exactly what to do. This is another area where individual therapy can come in handy.

A therapist can help explain what your kids may be feeling during this time. They can also work with you to come up with ways to help them, and protect them from the divorce process. Even if you’re angry at your ex, you’ll be able to ensure your kids remain okay.

Divorce Frustration: Wiping the Slate Clean

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce isn’t always a smooth and stress-free process. This can cause you a lot of divorce frustration. Still, it’s not good to let that frustration get in your way. Rather, you’ll want to take a moment and try to re-focus…

Divorce Frustration: How To Re-Focus

Stop and breathe

Divorce frustration tends to have a bit of a snowball effect. Once something gets you upset, it’ll feel like every other inconvenience will just add onto it. This can leave you feeling immensely frustrated and pretty angry too. This could cause you to act a bit irrationally, which could lead to you making a mistake.

Therefore, when you feel that frustration coming, take a moment to stop and breathe. If you’re able to calm yourself down ahead of time, then you can avoid the massive headache that can come with being frustrated. Plus, being in a calm state of mind helps you see the situation more clearly and pick the best decision.

Consider what you can control

A lot of divorce frustration also comes from things outside of your control. For instance, you might get frustrated at something your ex says or does to you. However, you can’t control how someone will act or what they can say. Instead, you can only control what you do and say.

As a result, don’t get frustrated over things you can’t control. While you can’t control what your ex says or does, you can control how you’ll respond to them. If you respond in a better fashion, you can make them realize their actions won’t get to you. This can help you immensely as the divorce goes on.

Consider a different approach

You can also experience divorce frustration if your view is too narrow. Many people set themselves on something and refuse to change their minds. For example, say you have a specific custody agreement in mind, and your ex disagrees. If you aren’t able to consider different approaches, then you’re going to get frustrated.

On the other hand, if you’re willing to compromise and work with them, you can both avoid frustration. Therefore, don’t be afraid to consider a different perspective. After all, it could be even better than what you had thought of!

Coping Post-Divorce: Healthy Outlets

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce tends to be rough for those involved. In fact, it could develop into full-blown depression. Therefore, it’s good to know how to practice healthy coping post-divorce. Doing so can help you really start to turn things around…

Coping Post-Divorce: Emotional Impact of Divorce

Talk it out

One useful way to practice good coping post-divorce is by talking to others. It isn’t healthy to just allow for your thoughts and feelings to stay bottled up. If you do, they’ll just start to get worse and worse over time. Eventually, they’ll boil over and be released in a much more unhealthy way.

Instead, it’s a good idea to try and talk to someone about how you feel. This could involve meeting with a therapist or counselor to work on your emotions. Or, it could just mean talking to a close friend or family. Sometimes, all you need is someone to listen to you.

Express yourself

Another way to engage in some productive coping post-divorce is by expressing yourself. Talking can always be good for getting those feelings out there. But, maybe you feel certain things you can’t describe by just talking. In these cases, it helps to find other ways to express how you feel.

For instance, many people like to try creative writing, such as poems or short stories. Others like to try their hand at painting or photography. If you can find a good way to express your creative side, then it can seriously help with your coping process.

Get active

A lot of people like to include getting active as part of their coping post-divorce process. This is for good reason: exercise has been proven to help people think clearer and feel better. Plus, getting in shape also provides a nice self-esteem boost at a time when you could really use it.

The nice thing about exercise is you have a lot of different options out there as to what you’d like to do. In addition, you can do it practically anywhere. Aside from joining a gym, you can always walk or run outside, or bring the gym to your home! That way, you can find what works for you needs.

New Year Post-Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

You might not feel all that excited entering a new year after a divorce. However, a new year post-divorce doesn’t have to be something which gets you down. Rather, there are some things you can do to make this year something to look forward too…

New Year Post-Divorce: Making Big Changes

Reflect on your ex

Most people would hope to leave behind their ex in a new year post-divorce. Still, it would be good to take some time and reflect on them. It’s somewhat common for people to have an idealized version of their ex. Even after the divorce, they might start to think about if things were “really that bad”.

That’s why it helps to reflect on them now. Really think about how they acted and what caused you to want to leave. Even those little things which got under your skin help you realize who they really were. Once you do this, you can be glad you won’t have to deal with it again.

Set new goals

A new year post-divorce also comes with new freedoms. At this point, you get to call the shots again for your life. You won’t have to worry about someone telling you what you can or can’t do. Rather, you can finally start doing things you want to do again.

This is a perfect time to set some new goals to achieve. For instance, maybe you set a goal to go back to school and get more education for a better job. Or, maybe you want to try and improve your skills in a hobby you like. Goals like these will be a great source of motivation for you in the new year.

Reinvent yourself

Starting a new year post-divorce can be great for reinventing yourself. Again, that new freedom allows for you to become the person you want to be. That means you can change things up. Maybe you get a new wardrobe, a new haircut, or even go for tattoos and piercings! It’s really up to you.

By taking these steps, you can also begin to really appreciate yourself again. It can be tough to feel all that great after a divorce. However, if you really begin to take steps to improve yourself, you’ll soon find you have a lot to be excited about.

Post-Divorce Depression: Managing Big Changes

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Going through a divorce can be very emotionally draining. As a result, post-divorce depression is very common. However, it doesn’t have to control you. In fact, there are ways you can work on overcoming those negative feelings…

Post-Divorce Depression: Emotional Impact of Divorce

Meet with a therapist

One good way to start tackling post-divorce depression is by first meeting with a therapist. A therapist is a great resource for people with things like depression. These professionals specifically focus on helping you recognize why you feel the way you do, and how to start feeling better.

There’s many ways a therapist may try to help you. For example, they might try to help change your behaviors, and in turn, change the way you think. Or, they might focus in on what’s causing you to feel as you do, and come up with a plan of action. It might take some time, but it’s well worth it to find a therapist that fits your needs.

Spend time with loved ones

Dealing with post-divorce depression tends to make people act very isolated. They don’t want to do much of anything anymore, and would rather spend time alone in their homes. Of course, this will just make that depression get even worse. Therefore, it’s important to spend some time with those you love.

Being with friends and family can help show you that you aren’t as alone as you feel. Rather, you still have people who care for you, and will help you out. Spending time with them can help change your perspective, and help you start to think more optimistically.

Find a new hobby

Your post-divorce depression can also make it hard to find motivation to do things you once loved. When this happens, don’t just accept it. Instead, try to push yourself to go out there and get yourself doing things again. In fact, you might even want to take this time to explore some new hobbies.

Finding a new hobby is a great way to regain that motivation. Plus, this hobby can be pretty much anything you want it to be. You might even end up making some potential new friends in the process!

Child Communication During Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Child communication can be difficult during a divorce, as most children tend to clam up. From your end, it might’ve been hard enough bringing up the divorce to them. So how do you offer support to them when they seemingly don’t want to talk? As it turns out, there are some key ways in which you can help give that extra support…

Child Communication: Offering Support

Be willing to talk

An important part of good child communication is to let them know you’re willing to talk. For many kids, they tend to think that you’ll be dealing with a lot already. As a result, they don’t think that their own feelings are important. That’s why it’s important to make them feel comfortable sharing by being willing to talk to them.

A good way to do this is to be open about your own emotions in an age-appropriate way. For example, you could tell them that you feel a bit sad too, but you know things will be alright, and then ask them how they’re feeling too. That way, they’ll feel reassured that things will be okay, and that you’re interested in how they feel.

Listen to them

Another important part of good child communication is listening to what they have to say. It’s one thing to get your child comfortable enough to open up to you. However, if they feel like you’re not really listening to them, then they might stop doing so in the future. That’s why you have really give them and their feelings the attention they deserve. 

Remember that you might not be able to come up with a simple, instant fix for how they feel. Buying them things might give them a short-term feeling of joy, but it won’t help them in the long-term. Instead, let them know that their feelings are valid and that you’ll both work though things together.

Know the difference between being and acting happy

Just because a child might be acting happy doesn’t mean they truly are. They might just be putting on a happy face because that’s what they think you’ll want to see. 

​A good way to see if this is the case is to talk to your ex about how they are around them. If they’re more sad or open when they’re with your ex, then you’ll want to work on your child communication techniques with them to allow for them to open up to you too.

Social Life Post-Divorce: Finding Friendships New & Old

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

When you were married, a lot of your time and energy went into your relationship. However, now you have the ability to put that energy into your social life post-divorce. This will let you reevaluate and strengthen friendships, as well as make some new ones along the way…

Social Life Post-Divorce

Consider your current friendships

During your divorce, odds are that your friends were a big part of your support network. However, it’s important to tell the difference from real friends like these, and others who you may not be as close too. As a result, your social life post-divorce will require you to really consider which friends are good ones, and which ones aren’t.

Think of your friends and ask yourself how they treat you and how you feel around them. Do you really enjoy being around them and do they treat you with respect? Or, do you only hang out with them due to convenience, despite them being rude or mean? In these cases, it might be time to let those kinds of friends go.

Rekindle old friendships

As you think about your current friends, you might think about some old ones too. These may be friends that you haven’t seen or heard from in a long time. Maybe they distanced themselves because of your ex, or you just simple fell out of touch over time. Part of your social life post-divorce can be reaching out to these old friends and trying to rekindle your friendships.

If there’s someone out there you want to reach out to, don’t hesitate. With social media and the internet, it’s very easy to shoot them a message and see how they’ve been. Just a simple message about how it’s been a while and you’d like to catch up if they have the time can be all that’s needed.

Make new friends

Old friends are just one part of your social life post-divorce. There’s also new friends to consider. Coming off of your divorce gives you a lot of freedom to do the things you’ve wanted to, but couldn’t. These hobbies and activities are a great way to meet some like-minded people, and potentially new friends.

Still, when talking to a potential new friends, don’t ramble on about your divorce or your ex. For starters, you never know if they could know your ex as well. Plus, it creates a negative first impression. Remember that focusing on the past isn’t the way to move forward.

Post-Divorce Isolation

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

With how much stuff needs to get done during a divorce, you’ve probably been pretty busy. However, what about when all the dust has settled? For many people, this is when the post-divorce isolation sets in. Handling this feeling can be tricky, but it isn’t impossible…

Post-Divorce Isolation: How To Handle It

Why it happens

It’s important to understand why post-divorce isolation occurs in the first place. The largest factor is your divorce itself. The focus of divorce is about splitting away from someone you were close to. Even if you no longer have the feelings for them that you used to, it’s still tough to break away and not feel isolated now that you’ve lost that connection.

There’s also some other elements which can come into play. For example, maybe your divorce has resulted in you having to move into a new home or apartment. This could put you further away from friends and family, who have probably been your biggest support system. Feeling like you’re “stranded” can also increase that sense of isolation. 

Come to terms with it

When handling post-divorce isolation, it’s important to understand that being alone isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it’s a good idea to get comfortable with being by yourself. This will help you do some good self-reflection and come to terms with what happened.

Of course, this doesn’t mean you have to purposefully isolate yourself from the world. It just means that in those moments you do find yourself alone, don’t let it get to you. Instead, channel that time into doing what you want to do and making some plans for your new future.

Pushing past it

Once you’ve gotten comfortable with the alone time and yourself, then you can really push past that post-divorce isolation. Of course, you can do this in several ways. Many people like to start small by going back out with friends, and then slowly working their way towards making new friends on their own.
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A good idea might be to try and connect with others who are or have been in your position. For instance, you can look to connect with other divorced moms if you yourself are one. These days, the internet makes it pretty ease to find and connect with people like you all over the world!