An amicable divorce might seem like a fantasy, but it is quite possible. However, it does require some effort between you and your ex. It’s easy to get lost in the bitterness when you are going through a breakup and especially when you are negotiating assets. Things can quickly spiral out of control and into a place where you and your ex are very antagonistic. However, if you both commit fully to remaining amicable, it can go a long way. Never trash talk your ex, especially on social media. Try your best to not force your mutual friends to feel like they need to pick sides in your divorce. And finally, try to focus on putting your children. You and your ex will be co-parents forever, so you need to have an amicable relationship. Hopefully, you and your ex can work together to make your divorce a happy one.
Amicable Divorce: Is it Really Possible to Be Friendly with Your Ex?
One way to make an amicable divorce more possible is if you and your ex both commit fully to it. You will each need to practice self-control to accomplish this. It’s easy to lash out when you are negotiating your settlement because things seem very personal. Try to always take some time to calm down before responding if you are feeling heated. A therapist can also be a great help with trying to keep things friendly during a divorce.
No Trash Talking
Another major help when trying to maintain an amicable divorce is to avoid trash talking. Trash talking can only hurt your ex and doesn’t serve any purpose. While it can feel good at the moment to vent your frustration, if you aren’t careful, it can come back to bite you. Always avoid trash-talking on social media. It can also hurt your custody battle because it shows a judge that you aren’t prioritizing your co-parenting relationship.
Don’t Make Friends Pick Sides
An amicable divorce is more possible if your mutual friends don’t feel like they need to pick sides. This typically goes hand in hand with trash talking. Often, when you vent to friends they feel the need to agree and join in the bashing of your ex. However, this can create complicated feelings for them if they are still friends. It’s better to tell mutual friends that you are working on an amicable divorce and don’t want to lose any of them.
Put Children First
Finally, one last thing to keep in mind when working towards an amicable divorce is your co-parenting relationship. If you and your ex have children together, then you’ll be in each other’s lives forever. It’s important to remain friendly for the sake of your children. Fighting or trash-talking in front of your children can confuse them and hurt them. Being friendly with your ex will allow you to both be involved healthily in your children’s lives.
An amicable divorce is possible if you and your ex both are committed to it. It’s easy to get lost in antagonistic feelings in the heat of divorce negotiations. You’ll both need to work hard to maintain friendliness throughout the process. A therapist can give you helpful tools for negotiating in a friendly and productive way. Avoid trash talking at all costs because it can only hurt you and your ex. Another important thing to remember is to try to avoid making your friends feel like they need to pick sides in your divorce. And finally, make sure that you put your children first and keep the goal of a healthy co-parenting relationship at the forefront of your mind. Hopefully, you and your ex can get through the stress of divorce and be able to come out on the other side with a friendship still intact.
The Five Stages of Grief After a Divorce: Going Through the Process
DenialThe first of the stages of grief after a divorce is denial. This is when you are still in shock that the divorce is actually a reality. You might find yourself saying that it feels like a bad dream you need to wake up from. This is our brain’s way of giving you some extra time to process.
AngerAnger is the next stage in the five stages of grief after a divorce. You might begin to feel overwhelming anger at your spouse for many of your problems. This is a very normal part of the process and can last a long time. However, it’s important to avoid trash-talking no matter how mad you are.
BargainingThe next step in the five stages of grief after a divorce is bargaining. This is a stage where you might start reconsidering your decision to get divorced. Maybe things weren’t that bad. Even if the divorce was over something serious like infidelity, you might question yourself.
DepressionDepression follows bargaining in the stages of grief after a divorce. This is when the reality of your divorce has finally set in. You might be just now confronting what your future will look like when you’re single. This is a time when many go through depressive stages. Reach out to a supportive friend or find a therapist to help you deal with the depression stage, which can last a while.
AcceptanceFinally, the last of the stages of grief after a divorce is acceptance. This is where you begin to move on from the stress of the divorce. You might begin realizing that there are positives to come out of your situation. Hopefully, you are ready to embrace your new identity and will even feel excited about the next chapter of your life. The five stages of grief after a divorce can take a long time to get through. And each person reacts differently to a shock to their system like a divorce. For some, they might stay in one stage longer than others. Each person has to take their own time and handle things in their own way. Likely, you’ll experience denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and then acceptance. You might ping back and forth between different stages. Or you might think that you’re past a stage and then suddenly find yourself right back in the middle of it. All of these reactions are perfectly normal and healthy. In time, you’ll find acceptance for your new situation. Hopefully, then you’ll be able to find excitement at the prospect of your new life and see the divorce as a chance to get a fresh start.
The Logistics of Divorce: The Details that Need to be Hammered Out
When to Tell PeopleOne part of the logistics of divorce is figuring out how to tell people about the divorce. It’s really best to keep your divorce as private as you can until it’s final. However, there are some people that you’ll probably want to tell ahead of time. For example, your parents or close family members. You should also let any close friends know that you’ll need support so that they can help you through the process. And finally, you should give your boss or HR rep a heads up in case you’ll be needing to miss work for court appearances and meetings.
When to Move OutAnother piece of the logistics of divorce is deciding when and how to move out. You can decide at any point when the time is right to have your partner move out. But you’ll have to figure out which of you will be leaving and how you’ll be handling the finances of mortgage payments. You’ll also need to figure out if your children will be spending time at both houses.
Changing Your NameAnother piece to consider when thinking of the logistics of divorce is changing your name. This process can be lengthy and complicated. You’ll need to wait until your divorce is final before trying to change your name back. But once it is, you can start at the social security office. Once you have your new social security card you can begin to change your name with other entities. You’ll need to update the post office, credit cards, bill payments, and others. You’ll also need to apply for a new passport and driver’s license with your new name.
Custody AgreementsFinally, one final piece of the logistics of divorce is deciding custody. You’ll most likely cover this in your divorce court meetings, but have an idea of what you’d like to get out of it. Consider things like what your ideal schedule will look like and how you’ll handle holidays. Also consider major parenting decisions like how you want your children brought up, what religion, how they’ll be disciplined, who they spend time with, curfews, diet, etc. Make a plan for how you’d like to financially prepare for schooling and child-care-related expenses. Most of this will be decided on in court, but it’s a good idea to have some plan for what your goals are. Divorce can be overwhelming and emotional. And often we forget about the smaller logistics of divorce amongst the more pressing matters. But the details are important too. You’ll need to decide when and how you’ll tell everybody about the news of you splitting up. You’ll also have to figure out what your and your ex’s new living arrangements will be. Don’t forget about changing your name. And finally, you’ll need to decide custody agreements and put a parenting plan in place if you plan on having joint custody. They say the devil is in the details, but hopefully, you’ll be able to prepare for these logistical details of divorce and make the process smoother.
Finding Confidence for Dating After Divorce: Find Your Happy
Take Time to HealDating after divorce is a big step to take. Make sure that you’ve taken plenty of time after your divorce is final. It can take time to heal from the pain of a breakup. Try to get comfortable with being alone and enjoying your own company. In other words, date yourself first. And feel free to reach out to a therapist to help if you are having trouble moving past the divorce trauma.
Invest in Getting HealthyAnother good step to take to get confidence for dating after divorce is to get healthy. Invest in things that make you feel good about yourself. For example, maybe that’s a new outfit, hairstyle, or teeth whitening strips. Consider joining a gym or finding a new exercise regimen. Exercising can boost confidence and release feel-good endorphins. A fresh start and new look can give you the boost you need to get yourself back out there.
Remember What Your Love About YourselfDating after divorce is easier when you remember what you love about yourself and highlight those things. Make a list of all of the things that you love. Maybe it’s your smile, your humor, your selflessness, or your eyes. Write down all of these attributes and find ways to showcase them to potential new partners. If you try dating online, make sure that your profile reflects your amazing personality.
Relax and Have FunFinally, the number one rule for dating after divorce is to have fun. Try not to take anyone’s date too seriously. Dating should be fun, so try to relax and enjoy yourself. Chances are that you’ll go on lots of dates, so try not to put too much pressure on anyone. Just try to focus on your date and really listen as they speak about themselves. Try to decide early on if they’re somebody that you could see potential in or if it’s best to move on. Finding confidence for dating after divorce can be difficult, but it’s important for enjoying your post-divorce dating life. Make sure that you take time after your divorce to heal from the stress. Get comfortable being alone before you try to find a new date. Getting in shape can give you an extra boost of confidence and endorphins. Make a list of all of personal attributes that you love about yourself. And finally, have fun! Try to relax and enjoy yourself. You’ve been through a stressful divorce, it’s time to get back to enjoying yourself and meeting new people.
How to Tell Your Children About Your Divorce: An Age Guide
Babies and ToddlersIf you want to tell your children about your divorce and they are very young, you’ll need to use language that they understand. Young babies and toddlers don’t really understand what is going on. However, they might realize that one parent is gone now. Reassure them that the parent didn’t leave them, but rather the grownups are dealing with grown-up issues. Reassure them that both parents still love them very much.
ElementaryIf you want to tell your children about your divorce and they are at an elementary age, they are more able to process what divorce means. However, they’re still unlikely to fully understand all the implications. Children this age are very prone to blaming themselves. It’s incredibly important to reassure them that the divorce has nothing to do with them and that they are very loved by both parents. You’ll want to reassure them frequently about this.
Middle SchoolMiddle schoolers are often already moody and angry as young teenagers. If you tell your children about your divorce at this age, you’re likely to see some added moodiness. Young teens often have a hard time opening up about their feelings to their parents. It might be a good idea to set them up with a counselor or therapist who can help guide them through their feelings while they process the news. Kids this age are also very prone to blaming one parent over the other. You’ll still want to reassure them that they are in no way to blame for the divorce.
High School and BeyondIf you want to tell your children about your divorce and they are older, high school, college, or adults, you’ll at least know that they understand truly what it means. However, just because they are fellow adults doesn’t mean that they need to hear any dirty laundry. Whatever the issues are between you and your ex, they need to stay there. Try not to involve your children any more than is necessary. Even though they are older, it is still unfair to encourage them to take sides in a divorce. The decision to tell your children about your divorce is a difficult one. But no matter their age, they deserve to hear it directly from you and your partner in a face-to-face meeting. Stay calm when telling them, give them plenty of time to process, and answer any questions. Whether you are telling a young preschooler, elementary schooler, middle schooler, high schooler, college student, or adult you’ll want to keep their age and development in mind. Keep things as simple as you can while bearing in mind the ways that children their age process things. No matter what their age is, you’ll need to reassure them that the divorce was not their fault. And of course, no matter your children’s age, they always need to be told that they are loved.
Divorce Parties: Things to Consider When Celebrating Your Freedom
Why?Divorce parties have been increasing in popularity in recent decades. Divorce is unfortunately all too common. Divorces can look many different ways. For example, some couples part ways in a friendly manner. But some divorces are painful and contentious. Exes become resentful and try to hurt one another as much as possible. The uglier the divorce, the more you might be tempted to throw a celebration when it’s completely over. If you’re considering having a divorce party, make sure that your divorce is completely final before doing so. Divorce parties can be as simple as a few friends at dinner, or an all-out bachelor-style vacation with friends.
Your BudgetOne major consideration when deciding whether or not you’d like to throw a divorce party is your budget. Divorces can be very expensive. In addition, you might be working on a shoestring budget. You might be used to living with two incomes and are now fending for yourself or paying child support or alimony. If this is the case, throwing a big to-do might not be the most financially wise thing to do. Divorce parties don’t have to involve a trip to Vegas: you could still celebrate by having a nice dinner with a few friends.
Your Emotional StateDivorce parties also depend a lot on your emotional state after your divorce. Some couples go through such an ugly divorce that they are cheering at the end of it. If you and your ex-spouse have been arguing and trying to get revenge on one another, you probably will be in the mood to celebrate. However, if you’re feeling emotional about your divorce, you might not be so keen. Some couples really view divorce as a tragedy and grieve it becoming final. If this is the way you view your divorce, don’t feel pressured to have a divorce party where you need to pretend you’re glad it’s over.
Your Relationship with Your ExOne final thing to consider if you’re debating a divorce party is your future with your ex. A divorce party where the entire focus is on bashing your ex-spouse could end up hurting them. If you need to maintain a friendly relationship with them for the sake of co-parenting, this might backfire. If you’re trying to maintain a friendly relationship with your ex for the sake of your kids, instead of throwing a party to celebrate being done with them, instead celebrate being done with the stress of the actual divorce process itself. Divorce parties can be low-key and non-retaliatory. Divorce parties might be a fun way to celebrate the end of a stressful time in your life. If you and your ex have had an ugly and painful breakup, a divorce party might be just the thing to help you mark the occasion. Consider what your budget should be post-divorce as this will impact how extravagant your party can be. In addition, consider how you’re feeling emotionally. If you’re feeling sad about your divorce, you may not be in the mood to throw a party. And finally, consider how your relationship with your ex needs to be moving forward. If you need to remain friendly for the sake of co-parenting, it’s best to keep things low-key. However, if you’re in the mood to celebrate, go for it! A divorce party can be a great way to get closure and set yourself up for a fresh start.
Running Into Your Ex After a Divorce
Establish BoundariesRunning into your ex after a divorce can be a bit of a shock if you see them unexpectedly. However, you can establish boundaries with them during the divorce itself. If there are certain classes you take together, or activities you both participate in, you can figure out whether or not to continue these. If you do not want to see each other, you can establish that early. You can handle children’s events the same way. If you’d rather not run into them, plan to divvy up events so that you don’t overlap with each other.
Keep Living Your LifeAfter running into your ex after a divorce, you might be tempted to avoid that place where you saw them. But really, it’s possible to run into them anywhere. If you avoid every place you think that they might show up, you’ll end up limiting your own happiness. Keep living your life. If you run into them, you run into them. Avoiding places you enjoy will just make you unhappy in the end, and gives them all the power that you fought hard for.
Don’t Make a SceneIf the dreaded event occurs, try not to make a scene. Running into your ex after a divorce might be a shock to the system. But making a public scene is really not the solution. You’ve already hashed out your divorce, so arguing after the fact will get you nowhere. You two got divorced for a reason, it’s unlikely that you’ll change their minds about anything or that they’ll change yours.
Take the High RoadRunning into your ex after a divorce can happen anytime. And it’s possible that you’ll also meet their new partner or they’ll meet your new partner. It’s always best to take the high road. Try to speak with confidence and don’t stoop to arguing with them or acting bitter. The happier you seem after your divorce, the more they’ll realize what a great catch you were that they let go. Act politely, calmly, and with confidence, and keep the encounter short. Running into your ex after a divorce is just one of many painful milestones that you probably will face during a separation. However, living in fear of it will only make you unhappy. Don’t avoid places where you think you might run into your ex because then you’ll just be limiting your own freedom. You can set boundaries at the outset of your divorce so that you know you won’t run into them any more than is needed. If it does happen, try to remain calm and speak with confidence. Don’t make a public scene or try to get into an argument over your divorce. Take the high road and show that you have moved on maturely. Hopefully, you won’t run into them often, but when you do you’ll be able to handle it with confidence and grace.
Maintaining Mutual Friendships After Divorce: Don’t Make Your Friends Pick Sides
Have a Conversation with Your ExMaintaining mutual friendships after divorce is easiest if you and your ex-partner are both on board. Have a discussion about what you want your relationship to look like post-divorce. If you have children together, it really is best if you can maintain at least some level of trust and friendship. If you both feel strongly about sharing with your friends and not forcing them to pick sides, then it is definitely possible to do.
Have a Conversation with Your FriendsMaintaining mutual friendships after divorce also relies on being up-front with your friends. They probably have no idea how to navigate these waters either. They may feel like they’re being pulled to one side or the other. However, if you talk to them honestly about both of your desire to keep them in both of your lives, hopefully, they’ll be understanding.
Set Ground RulesIt’s important to set ground rules for maintaining mutual friendships after divorce. And the most important one of these is: don’t talk badly about your ex. Don’t try to win them over to your side of the divorce. If you are filling their ear with horrible stories about your ex or the other way around, they’ll be forced to pick sides. It also puts them in an awkward spot. It’s really best just to keep your breakup and your relationship with your ex-private.
Anticipate Some LossesFinally, it’s important to remember that maintaining mutual friendships after divorce just won’t be possible for every one of your friends. Some will pick sides even if you ask them not to. Expect that your ex’s closest friends will probably drop off your radar a bit. And likewise, your closest friends will most likely not be maintaining friendships with your ex. As time goes on and you and your ex get more comfortable with your situation, maybe it will be possible to rekindle some friendships. Especially if you have children. But, it can take time and there may be a point where you’ll have to just cut your losses. Maintaining mutual friendships after divorce can seem difficult, but it is possible. But it’s only doable if you and your ex are on the same page about it. So talk to your ex directly and lay a plan out for maintaining your friendships. Also discuss your plan with your friends, as they probably don’t really know how to navigate these waters any more than you do. Laying some ground rules for everybody will go a long way in maintaining peace. And finally, accept that some relationships will simply not work once your divorce is finalized. It’s ok to let some friendships go. However, hopefully, you and your ex will be able to maintain a friendly relationship and preserve your mutual friends.
If you’ve gone through a divorce, you may feel like you’ve been through the wringer. Divorce can be incredibly painful and the stress of it is often compared to the stress of losing a loved one. Self-care after your divorce is so important for your mental health. You deserve to focus on yourself for a little while and heal. Do this by giving yourself time to grieve. Get back to your hobbies and interests. Reconnect with friends since you’ve most likely been very busy. And finally, accept help when it’s offered. You’ve been through so much, giving yourself some self-care is necessary for your mental well-being.
Practicing Self-Care After Your Divorce: Taking Time for Yourself
Give Yourself Time to Grieve
Self-care after your divorce starts with giving yourself time and space to experience emotions. You might have been feeling pressure to stay strong. You’ve also probably been very busy lately. You might not have had time really accept your new life. Take time to grieve the loss of your marriage and also the vision you had of your future. It’s okay to swing from emotion to emotion. Now that your divorce is final, you can take the time to feel all the emotions you’ve been too busy to really experience.
Get Back to Your Passions
Another way to practice self-care after your divorce is to get back to your passions. Maybe you had hobbies that you’ve been too stressed or busy to focus on lately. If so, take some time to get back into those. You can also try out a new hobby by taking a class. A bonus of this is that you also could meet new people by doing this. A new hobby can take your mind off of thinking about your divorce.
Reconnect with Friends
Self-care after your divorce should include reconnecting with friends. Sometimes people are hesitant to get together with friends while they go through the divorce process. This is because they don’t really want to discuss the divorce or are afraid of giving away information to a mutual friend. In addition, if you’ve been in a controlling relationship, your partner might not have even let you spend a lot of time with others. If you’ve fallen out of touch with friends for any of these reasons, now is the time to reconnect. Getting out of the house and socializing will help you take your mind off of your divorce.
Finally, self-care after your divorce can include accepting help when it’s offered. Maybe a friend or family member is willing to watch your kids give you a night off. Take them up on the offer! You may even find that a therapist is very helpful in helping your deal with any leftover stress. Many people find it difficult to accept help from others. But you’ve been through enough stress, and you deserve to accept some help.
Self-care after your divorce is so important for your mental well-being. You’ve been through so much stress and deserve to have some time to take care of yourself. Give yourself time and space to experience the range of emotions that come with such a big life change. Get back to your old hobbies or find a new interest to focus on. Reconnect with old friends to help get your mind off of the divorce. And finally, accept help when it’s offered to you. Your friends and family just want what’s best for you. You’ve been through a major life change, and giving yourself a little self-love is important for your mental health.