How to Ease Back Into Dating After a Divorce

Going through a divorce is emotional and stressful. For a long time, you may not be ready to even think about dating again. But when you do decide to get back out there, these tips can help. When you ease back into dating after a divorce, it’s important to remember to take your time. You’ll also want to get out and meet people and be upfront about being a divorcee. Getting back into the dating world can be scary at first, but hopefully, you’ll find your perfect partner!

Ease Back into Dating After a Divorce – Trust Yourself

Take It Slow

Taking it slow is the most important step when you want to ease back into dating after a divorce. This means taking it slow when deciding to start dating. It also means taking it slow with new partners, as well as taking it slow when telling your family that you’re dating again. Before you get back into the dating world, it’s important that you build your confidence back up. Going through a divorce can cause so much mental stress, so it’s important to make sure that you’re in a healthy headspace before bringing somebody new into your life. When you ease back into dating after a divorce, you need to do just that – ease. Take it slow with new dates. Don’t try to rush a relationship into something serious too quickly. Just have fun and enjoy yourself for a while. Your feelings about your ex can change a lot over the course of dating someone new. You might feel nostalgic about your early dates, or get overwhelmed at how much there is to learn about a new person. Try not to get ahead of yourself, and just enjoy the relationship as it grows. Also remember to take it slow when introducing new dates to your family, especially your kids. They probably don’t need to meet every single person you go on a date with. But if things start to feel serious, it’s best to sit them down and let them meet your date.

Get Out There

The best thing you can do when you want to ease back into dating after a divorce is to just get out there and meet people. Online dating is always an option too. But don’t neglect old fashioned meet and greets. Switch up your routine and go to a new coffee shop or gym. Or join a local meetup or sports group. Try and introduce yourself to as many new people as you can when you’re out and about. And don’t forget to ask your friends if they know any available singles! It’s best to be upfront about your breakup when you ease back into dating after a divorce. You can keep it short and simple. For example, “my ex-husband and I are divorced. I wish him well but we just weren’t right for each other.” You don’t have to go into more detail than you’re comfortable with. And try not to trash talk your ex either. You don’t want to give the wrong impression to your new date. There’s no reason to be embarrassed about your status as a divorcee, and talking about your ex in a calm way will show your new date that you’re mature and comfortable with the situation. Deciding to ease back into dating after a divorce is a big decision. Really take time to figure out if you’re ready for it or not. Remember to take it slow when starting to look for dates, as well as with any new partners. Get out there and meet new people, and be upfront about your divorce. Always trust your instincts, and don’t forget that if things don’t feel right, it’s alright to give yourself more time. And of course, have fun!

Benefits of Dating a Divorcee

Some people overlook divorcees in the dating pool. However, there are many benefits of dating a divorcee. Aside from their life experience, they know what they want in a partner. In addition, they will be unlikely to rush things in a relationship. They hopefully will be quick to recognize issues within a relationship as well. Finally, they have proved that they are committed and hopefully have learned from their first relationship. Try not to count out divorcees as potential partners.

Benefits of Dating a Divorcee: Let Their Experience Work in Your Favor

They Know What They Need in a Partner

One of the major benefits of dating a divorcee is that they have learned what they need in a partner. They know what works in a relationship and what kills a relationship. Divorcees will therefore be honest about their needs and quick to see issues. They have probably also learned their strengths and weaknesses as a partner. As a result, they will be more willing to work on their shortcomings.

They Won’t Rush Into Things

Divorcees are more likely to take things slow in a relationship. One of the important benefits of dating a divorcee is that they will be more likely to make their next relationship work longtime. They will take time to make sure their next partner is a better fit. Because they know the stress of divorce, they won’t be likely to rush into another marriage. Therefore, if they do commit, it will probably be a marriage that lasts forever.

Quick to Recognize Issues

Another of the benefits of dating a divorcee is that they’ll be able to recognize problems brewing. They will be quick to see issues that could harm your relationship. They have seen first hand how some problems can ruin a marriage. Therefore, they know how certain issues can spiral out of control. Because of this, they’ll be quick to address those problems.

They’re Committed

Finally, knowing they are willing to commit is one of the main benefits of dating a divorcee. They have proven that they are willing to commit to a marriage. Even though their first marriage didn’t work out it doesn’t mean it was all their fault. There are many reasons why marriages fail. They’ve proven that they are not afraid of commitment. And hopefully, they’ve learned some valuable lessons from their first marriage.

Dating divorcees can be a great option for somebody looking for a mature partner. One of the many benefits of dating a divorcee is the fact that they are worldly. They have experienced the highs and lows of a relationship. Because of this, they’ll be likely to take that experience into their future relationships and make those even stronger.

How-to Identify Financial Abuse in a Relationship

When you think of domestic violence and abuse, you probably think of physical and verbal abuse. However, there are many forms of abuse. Oftentimes, financial abuse is overlooked. According to a study by the Centers for Financial Security, 99% of domestic violence cases also involved financial abuse. In fact, it is often the first sign of dating violence and domestic abuse. Learn the signs of financial abuse in a relationship so that you can protect yourself.

How-to Identify Financial Abuse in a Relationship: Knowing the Signs

What is Financial Abuse?

Financial abuse can vary from situation to situation. There is no one perfect example of it. However, it does involve controlling someone’s ability to get, use, and maintain financial resources. The victims may even be prevented from working so that they are unable to make or access money for themselves. In addition, the victims of financial abuse in a relationship may have their own money stolen or limited by their abuser. If the victim does have access to money, they may have to account for any of it that they use.

Look for Signs of Abuse

While every situation is different, there are certain things you can pay attention to. First, abusers may use or controls the money you have earned or saved. Examples of this include using your money or credit cards for their own benefit without asking. They may also ask to borrow money from you and never repay it. Also, they may ruin your credit by charging things to your account and not paying them off. Another sign of financial abuse in a relationship is if they have a double standard when it comes to spending. For example, they may spend money on entertainment, dining out, and clothing but criticize you when you make similar purchases

They may start to control where you can or can not work, and may even make you quit your job. In addition, they may actually try to sabotage your job. It is possible for them to go as far as hiding your car keys or removing your car battery so that you can not show up to work. These are only just a few of the signs of financial abuse, but there are many more.

Get Help

If you or someone you know is a victim of financial abuse in a relationship, get help right away. Call a counselor, advocate, or religious leader. Remember that financial abuse is not something that gets better with time. Oftentimes, it can actually end up leading to other types of abuse. You can also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for confidential assistance from trained professionals. Do not wait until it is too late to get help.

How-to: Handle Social Media While Getting a Divorce

If you want more information on the topic of social media while getting a divorce, please view this video.

Social media consumes many of our lives. From the time we wake up to the time we go to bed, we are checking social media more often than we think. According to Statista.com, in 2019, internet users world wide averaged 144 minutes of social media every day. In 2018, more than half of American adults say they opened a social media app on their phones at least 10 times a day, and that number is always growing. Social media can potentially hurt your job, relationships, and even your mental health. In addition, social media can be harmful while you are going through the divorce process. Learn how to handle social media while getting a divorce.

How-to Handle Social Media While Getting a Divorce: Ways to Avoid It

Perceptions and Consequences

Most people overshare and over-post on social media. They lay out every detail of their life for everyone to see. Oversharing on social media while getting a divorce can come back to haunt you. For example, if you post about engaging risky behaviors, this could hurt you in a custody battle. In addition, if you have posted things that could hint at an extramarital relationship, this could hurt you as well.

Some people may even get angry about the divorce and post threatening posts about their soon-to-be ex. Keep in mind that the court can use anything on social media as evidence against you. This is true whether it is a public or private message, so never post anything privately or publicly that you don’t want other people to see. A good rule is to always use common sense.

Take a Break

Ideally, you should take a break from social media while getting a divorce. First, so many people only show their curated highlights online, and never the things they are actually going through. Scrolling mindlessly through peoples highlight reals for hours at a time can be harmful to your mental health. You could start comparing your life to theirs, which is not healthy. This is especially true when you are going through a difficult time in your life yourself.

Take a break from social media to reflect on what is going on in your life. Look at how you got to this point and how you can start to heal and move forward. Social media takes up so much of our time that oftentimes we forget about taking time for ourselves. Instead, step back from social media and focus on taking care of yourself while you are going through this process. Who knows, perhaps after the break, social media will no longer rule your life anymore.

How-to Avoid Conflict During Divorce

Divorce is never easy. The process will often stir up conflict between spouses as it brings out strong emotions and feelings. It is not uncommon to feel anger, sadness, hurt, and disappointment. You will find the process to be much smoother when you try to minimize or avoid conflict in a divorce. If you have children, it is even more important to do your best to avoid conflict during divorce. Children do not react well to poorly managed conflict. By managing anger and conflict now, it will also make life post-divorce easier, especially if you have kids.

How-to Avoid Conflict During Divorce: Managing the Process

Don’t Bring Up the Past

It is not uncommon to dwell on the past events and actions that may have led to your marriage ending. Sometimes instead of being helpful, it actually can bring up a lot of anger and pain. Try to avoid getting hung up on the past, or reminding your ex of any wrongdoings. This is sure to lead to an argument, or someone feeling attacked. Instead, work to avoid conflict during divorce. In the words of Dennis Waitley, “Don’t dwell on the past, look toward the future and the positivity that is to come!” If you are going to reflect on the past, do so in a positive, constructive way. That way you can learn from your mistakes and be able to avoid those in your next relationship.

Communication

If you do not feel like you can communicate directly with your soon-to-be ex in a civil manner, it may be best to find an alternative way. You may want to hire a mediator to help avoid conflict during divorce. A mediator is a neutral third party that can help with communication and negotiations during a divorce. They can work beside attorneys to help you come to agreements sooner and with less conflict. Mediation helps you and your ex to come up with a solution based on what is best for your family. This can be a much better option than a judge deciding the outcome of your divorce.

Sometimes you may be unable to communicate with your spouse in a civil manner, even through writing. If a mediator is unable to help, consider communicating through your attorney. Keep in mind that your attorney is your strongest advocate. Plus, they can can communicate on your behalf without getting involved emotionally.

How-to Work with a Financial Advisor During Divorce

Divorce can be very difficult on your financial situation. If you relied on dual-incomes to make ends meet, or your partner was the only one who worked, this can be especially challenging. Divorce may force you to change your lifestyle and spending habits. If you find finances to be an unpleasant and overwhelming thing to think about, you are in luck. Financial advisors are professionals that specialize in helping people with their finances. Learn how to work with a financial advisor during divorce.

How-to Work with a Financial Advisor During Divorce: Manage Your Finances

Financial Goals

Financial planners and advisors can help you get on track and work towards the goals you want to achieve. Unfortunately, according to a study, only 5% of women work with a financial advisor during divorce. However, these professionals can be as asset as part of a divorce team. In fact, 61% of women who did not use a financial planner wish that they would have worked with one during their divorce.

If you have not already, it is good to sit down and figure out your financial goals. Thinking these through will help you be able to work towards reaching your goals. Some good financial goals include paying off your debt, having a comfortable retirement, and saving for an emergency fund. Others include being able to buy a new home, creating another income source, or building wealth through investments.

Benefits

One of the benefits of using a financial planner is that they can help you evaluate your lifestyle. They will help you take a hard look at your finances both before and after the divorce. This will be helpful for even looking at different things like covering expenses, buying insurance, creating a budget, and paying bills.

Another benefit of working with a financial advisor during divorce is that they can help you look at your assets. This will include hidden gems you may not have remembered, and which assets to fight for during your divorce. Consider things like jewelry, investments, college funds and retirement accounts. The financial advisor will be able to determine what is worth asking for and also set up a plan to help you achieve financial freedom.

Although this is an underutilized resource, working with a financial advisor during divorce is a smart move. They will help you to be able to start off on the right track during and after your divorce. You will be glad they were part of your divorce team.

How-to Regain Your Confidence After Divorce

Divorce can really do a number on your confidence and self-esteem. You may feel like you have completely lost your identity. The divorce may have shattered your confidence. This can really affect your mental health. It may take time to get that back. By taking proactive steps, you can regain your confidence after your divorce.

How-to Regain Your Confidence After Divorce: Post-Divorce Healing

Support System

One way to help regain your confidence after divorce is by having a strong support system. Remember that there are people who know and love you. Surround yourself with people who can be beneficial if your overall health and well-being. Being social will not only help you reestablish your life, but also your self-esteem and confidence. This will allow you to show others around you that you are not permanently broken and that this life experience will not define you.

Consider reaching out to people who knew you before before you met your former spouse. You can reconnect with people who are far away distance-wise by using platforms like Skype, Zoom or Facetime. Even during COVID, you can get creative and reconnect with an old workout buddy by using a workout app. The most important thing to remember is that your self-worth is not dependent on your former partner. In the same way, you were a good friend before your partner and you will be a good friend after them too. Your friends will be able to help remind you of all of the great things about yourself that you may not be able to see right now.

Reestablish Your Identity

You will also begin to retain your confidence after divorce by reestablishing your identity. This may mean getting involved in activities you previously enjoyed, or completely reinventing yourself. Start by decorating your space to feel like you. You can do this whether you are still living in the same place as you did when you were married, or if you moved to a new place. Either way, think of this as a fresh start and make your home express your own personality. Think about different hobbies you have been wanting to try, and go try them. You may find something you really enjoy to fill up your time.

In the same way, also participate in things you have previously enjoyed as well. Make a list of all of the things you loved doing and what made you happy. Do you love playing tennis? Getting back on the courts may be just want you need for a confidence boost. This will also give you a boost of serotonin to make you feel happy and feel better. Sometimes, the most important part of reestablishing your identity is just remembering who you are deep down inside.

Divorce can certainly be hard on your self-esteem. However, it is possible to regain your confidence after your divorce. Start by finding a good support system to lean on, and find identity again. Before long, you will be feeling confident once more.

How-to Prepare for the Holidays as a Single Parent

The holiday season is just around the corner. This is a time for food, festivities and family. However, for some people, this may be a season of firsts as well. Anyone who has just gone through a divorce may be feeling the dread of going through the holidays alone. This may be your first year preparing for the holidays as a single parent. While the season may feel a bit different, you can still make it special.

How-to Prepare for the Holidays as a Single Parent: Creating New Traditions

Plans with Ex

If you are recently divorced and trying to figure out the holidays as a single parent, know that you will need to discuss and coordinate with your ex. This includes visits as well as gift giving. You want to make sure you are not overlapping one another’s gifts, and that each parent is on the same page. Do not try and outdo your ex with lavish, expensive gifts. If the roles are reversed and your ex is giving over the top gifts that are out of your budget, do not throw your kids into the middle of an argument. Instead, you can give your kids the precious gift of time. If your kids will be with your ex, do not show anger when they go off with their other parent. Do not make them feel guilty or conflicted. Let them know you will look forward to celebrating with them when they get back and tell them to have a great time!

New Traditions

Since the holidays will look different the first year you celebrate the holidays as a single parent, try and create new, fun traditions. However, do not forget your old traditions too, as long as they fit your your new situation. You can do this whether you have young children or adult children. If this will be your first year alone without your ex or your kids, make other plans for your celebrations. Spend time with your extended family, friends, or other single parents who may also be alone. Also, remember that there is not a rule that a holiday must only be celebrated exclusively on one certain day. An early, or delayed, celebration with friends and family just gives you an extended holiday season, and can be just as special too. Celebrating the holidays as a single parent for the first time may be a challenge. However, you will be able to get through it successfully. Enjoy old traditions if they are not too painful or no longer fit your family, and create new traditions too. Be considerate of your kids and their other parent, and keep any anger or disagreements to yourself for the sake of your kids. Remember, this will be a new way to celebrate the holidays for them too.

How-to Find a Job After a Divorce: Hitting Your Stride

Getting a divorce could mean having to reenter the job market. It is common that spouses that were “stay-at-home” parents before the split, but may need to find a job after the split. During the separation period, you will have to take a good hard look at your financial situation. Depending on your circumstances, you may determine that without income, you will not be able to afford the same time of lifestyle you have been accustomed to. Therefore, it is important to know how to find a job after a divorce. With a little time, effort, and patience, it is possible to reenter the workforce.

How-to Find a Job After a Divorce: Reentering the Workforce

Pick a Path

First, to find a job after a divorce, you will have to determine which career path you want to pursue. Keep in mind that just because you went to school for something, or worked in that industry before, does not mean you have to return to that field. It is a good idea to do some research about different career options. Ask your friends about their careers, and if they enjoy them. You could get inspiration from them! Doing online searches is a good option as well.

This is a great opportunity to do some soul-searching and determine what you want to do with your life. Start by thinking about what you love doing and what you are passionate about. Even if you can not turn your exact passion into a career, try and evaluate what it is about that hobby and see if you can apply that into another career path. Perhaps you enjoy playing team sports. Do you enjoy the socialization part of it? Or perhaps the competitive or strategic part of it? These different aspects can translate into different types of careers you could consider.

Set Yourself Up For Success

When trying to find a job after a divorce, you will want to take the steps to set yourself up for success. You will want to make sure to create an updated resume and cover letter so that you are prepared to apply for jobs. Have a friend you trust, or a career coach, to read it and give you feedback. Don’t forget to let your friends know that you are on the job hunt. They may know of positions or have connections that may be able to help you out.

If you don’t already have one, create a profile on LinkedIn. This will help potential employers find you, and help you to connect with others in your desired field. Having an update LinkedIn profile is an important step in the job hunting process. Many employers will even have a spot on their job applications for you to share your LinkedIn account name.

Apply

Applying for jobs can be frustrating and draining. You may hear a lot of “no’s”, or even get ignored, before getting a “yes”. Do not get discouraged. If you are not getting any luck, consider getting a career coach, or speaking with a recruiter. These can be helpful resources when trying to find a job after a divorce.

Education

If you absolutely can not find a job that you like and can support you without going back to school, you can pursue further education. There are plenty of programs out there that are geared towards adult students. Most of these even provide schedules that work around work schedules. This could allow you to find an interim job to be able to make money, plus still be able to take classes. Keep in mind that just because you go back to school for something doesn’t mean you will automatically land your dream job in that field. It could still take time, effort and patience to get to where you want to be. You may have to work some entry-level jobs initially, but you can still get to the career that you want with a little work.

How-to Know if You’re Ready For Divorce

You are at the point that you are questioning your marriage. Perhaps there has been infidelity, lack of trust, abuse or loss of love. Even though all of the signs point to yes, you are still likely questioning whether or not you should get a divorce. Before making the final decision about divorce, there are things you should think about to know if you’re ready for divorce.

How-to Know if You’re Ready For Divorce: Questions to Consider

Do You Have Feelings for Your Partner?

It is very common for people who want to get a divorce still have feelings for their spouse. However, there has been something that has happened that has caused a lack of closeness and intimacy. If you fall into this category, it may be best to try and work things out with your partner. This could prevent you from pulling the trigger if you really are not ready for divorce. Otherwise, you may end up in a situation where you are are feeling a deep loss, and feel worse off than where you were before.

Are You Just Threatening Divorce?

Some people throw out empty threats of divorce when they are mad, or may think or say things they do not mean during an argument. Other times, people can use the threat of divorce to hold power over the other spouse. This is not a healthy way to to act in a relationship. Holding empty threats over someone makes you loose your credibility for the future, plus it is destructive to the relationship.

If you are truly ready for divorce, you need to be able to be at the point that you feel that way over a sustained period of time. You need to be able to truly say that you are ready to close that chapter of your life. You will need to know there is nothing more you can do or give to this relationship. Also, you will need to be able to discuss this with your spouse without blame.

Are You Ready to Handle the Consequences?

There will certainly be negative consequences from divorce. Many people have dreams of a happy family, but sometimes this is not the case. However, divorce brings pain, perhaps even to your children. Keep in mind that it is not worth staying in an unsafe or unhealthy marriage just to prevent other people feeling pain. Just know that if you are ready for divorce, you have to be ready for the consequences that follow.

For example, if you are only wanting a divorce because you are just bored with your spouse, think these following points through. Are you okay with your lifestyle or finances changing? Can you accept your children’s anger and sadness? Can you accept times of insecurity, fear, or the unknown? Are you willing to mentally and emotionally let go of your spouse? While you will waver with your emotions, you need to know that overall, you will be able to answer “yes” to these things to know you are ready for divorce.