Negative Divorce Behavior

Divorce can leave you stressed and confused, even if it’s amicable. This can potentially cause you to engage in some negative divorce behavior. Avoiding this behavior is crucial for getting through your divorce as smoothly as possible…

Negative Divorce Behavior: Avoiding Nasty Habits

Refusing to talk

Communication problems are an example of negative divorce behavior which can really set you back. Understandably, if you feel hurt because of the divorce, you might not want to talk to your ex all that much. This is especially true if things ended on very negative terms. However, this can end up making things difficult for you.

Being able to communicate with your ex means you can both work on the divorce outcome. You can come to an agreement which works for you both much easier when you can communicate. Still, you might not be up for face-to-face meetings yet. In that case, you can use things like email or phone calls to get the job done.

Place unfair blame

Playing the “blame game” is also another type of negative divorce behavior to avoid. The problem with placing blame is that it’s a very natural response to divorce. After all, it’s easy to say that your ex is behind all the reasons why things didn’t work out. Still, this is going to have some negative side-effects for you and your divorce.

For starters, it’s going to make it hard for your ex to want to talk to you if you blame them all the time. Also, it means you aren’t reflecting on what you might have done yourself that contributed to the divorce. Remember, a marriage is a two-person matter; both of you need to be able to reflect and learn from what’s happened.

Rushing to move on

You probably want to move on from your divorce as soon as you can. However, you have to be careful not to rush too quickly. Trying to rush to get through everything is a form of negative divorce behavior that many people tend to struggle with.

For instance, they might try and rush through the divorce, which usually leaves them without the outcome they wanted. Sometimes, they might rush into dating again too soon, in an effort to replace the loneliness they feel. Instead, it’s much better to take your time and handle things right, rather than by rushing.

Post-Divorce Depression: Managing Big Changes

Going through a divorce can be very emotionally draining. As a result, post-divorce depression is very common. However, it doesn’t have to control you. In fact, there are ways you can work on overcoming those negative feelings…

Post-Divorce Depression: Emotional Impact of Divorce

Meet with a therapist

One good way to start tackling post-divorce depression is by first meeting with a therapist. A therapist is a great resource for people with things like depression. These professionals specifically focus on helping you recognize why you feel the way you do, and how to start feeling better.

There’s many ways a therapist may try to help you. For example, they might try to help change your behaviors, and in turn, change the way you think. Or, they might focus in on what’s causing you to feel as you do, and come up with a plan of action. It might take some time, but it’s well worth it to find a therapist that fits your needs.

Spend time with loved ones

Dealing with post-divorce depression tends to make people act very isolated. They don’t want to do much of anything anymore, and would rather spend time alone in their homes. Of course, this will just make that depression get even worse. Therefore, it’s important to spend some time with those you love.

Being with friends and family can help show you that you aren’t as alone as you feel. Rather, you still have people who care for you, and will help you out. Spending time with them can help change your perspective, and help you start to think more optimistically.

Find a new hobby

Your post-divorce depression can also make it hard to find motivation to do things you once loved. When this happens, don’t just accept it. Instead, try to push yourself to go out there and get yourself doing things again. In fact, you might even want to take this time to explore some new hobbies.

Finding a new hobby is a great way to regain that motivation. Plus, this hobby can be pretty much anything you want it to be. You might even end up making some potential new friends in the process!

Financial Infidelity: Potential Signs

When people think of a spouse cheating, most of the time they think of physical encounters. However, financial infidelity is something which not only occurs, but is also on the rise. Knowing some common signs of this infidelity can help you see if it’s occurring in your marriage…

Financial Infidelity: Unconventional Cheating

Missing cash

Have you noticed money missing from a joint account you and your spouse share? Does your bank statement show a lot of withdrawals you don’t know about? If so, you might want to be careful. Missing money can be a potential sign of financial infidelity.

Now, sometimes a spouse will take out money for something and forget about it. That’s totally normal. However, constant withdrawals for varying amounts can be reason for concern. When you notice this, you’ll want to ask your spouse about what’s going on. In the meantime, try to keep your money in a separate account to keep it secure.

Many new purchases

If your spouse is making a lot of new, constant purchases all the time, that can also be a sign of financial infidelity. Of course, people like to treat themselves every now and again. It becomes an issue when it seems like your spouse is making a purchase every other day. Usually, these purchases can be very cheap, very expensive, or somewhere in-between.

Your spouse might even try to hide these purchases from you. They may always try and get the mail or packages, or use a separate bank account to prevent the purchases from showing up on your end. Sometimes, they might even use something like a P.O. box so they never arrive at the house!

They don’t like financial talk

Talking about finances is a part of any good marriage. Plus, if you feel like you’ve noticed signs of financial infidelity, you’ll want to bring them up to your spouse. Yet, what if your spouse gets upset when you try to have these conversations? This can actually be another sign that financial infidelity is going on.

If you talk finances to your spouse, they might be worried you’re going to bring up their actions. This can make them want to avoid talking about it all together. Still, it’s important to do so if you want to fix this problem together. Not doing so will strain things even more.

Co-Parenting Curriculum: Back to School Woes

If you’ve recently gone through a divorce, and this is your first school year as a divorced parent— it can be hard to navigate. From homework, pick-up, drop-off, extracurriculars, parent nights, and beyond— how do you manage it all as a newly divorced parent? This is a challenging time of year in many ways. However, if you can conquer co-parenting curriculum, you’ll have one less thing to worry about.

Co-Parenting Curriculum: Tips for a Successful School Year

First things first, we suggest setting a parenting plan early on in the divorce. By setting a parenting plan, you can account for holidays, back to school, birthdays, and any other events you’ll run into over the year. Of course, some flexibility is required when something comes up. But, it’s a good basis to put together, and keep your mind off of. As your kids get back to school, and you start navigating this as two separate parents, rather than a unity— you’ll have to communicate well.

Communication

Your child and their education is a number one priority. However, it’s not uncommon that grades will slip after a divorce. So, make helping your child prosper part of the co-parenting curriculum. Put those personal issues aside and focus on the common goal— your child. Have a safe space for you two to discuss important things, such as an email chain, or a planner that goes back and forth with your child. 

Parent-teacher conferences

One issue you might run into are parent-teacher conferences. These conferences typically require both parents to be there, especially when you’re running separate households. As newly divorced parents, this can be a difficult thing to do. However the most important part of your co-parenting curriculum, is being on the same page with your co-parent. Therefore, it’s important that you both attend together. Of course, if you have a strong co-parenting relationship with your former spouse, and trust them to tell you whatever you need to know— so be it.

Create a common homework schedule

Lastly, when it comes to your co-parenting curriculum, make a common schedule your priority in terms of school work and responsibility. You don’t want to have to deal with the back and forth of: ‘Mom/Dad said I can watch TV first…’ If you want to handle homework without stress or argument, keep a uniformed system. The key to successful schooling post-divorce, is to keep a uniformed system, communicate, and stay involved as a unit.

Post-Divorce Boundaries: Making Changes

Divorce brings about a lot of changes. One of the changes that can be quite hard to adjust to is the new boundaries. What might’ve been “normal” before can become intrusive or unwelcome. Therefore, it’s time to set some post-divorce boundaries between you and your former spouse. What feels right? What needs a change? And how can these boundaries help you improve your quality of life? Everyone is different, as are there needs. So, it’s time to find what works for you.

Post-Divorce Boundaries: Setting What Feels Right

Spousal Boundaries

The first post-divorce boundaries that people will look to set is with their former spouse. It can feel like there’s so many things that have to be change that it can seem overwhelming. However, it all depends on what you and your spouse feel comfortable with. For example, if you both feel comfortable talking to each other, you can still keep doing so.

But, if things get uncomfortable, or if you’re dealing with an angry spouse, than you’ll probably want to set some post-divorce boundaries. This can be talking only through text/phone calls, or through your lawyers. This similar approach can be applied to other areas like living arrangements and child visitation. Figure out what you and your spouse are comfortable with, and set the boundaries as they become needed.

Boundaries For Personal Obligations

Another set of divorce boundaries to consider are those for personal obligations. Divorce can be draining, and other activities can take up time and energy you might need for it. That’s why it helps to set boundaries for your obligations. Focus on figuring out what you really like and consider taking a break from the rest. This can include things like projects, clubs, and volunteer work. Most people will understand that you need a break while your divorce is going on, and you can add them back into your schedule once the divorce is over.

Boundaries For Friends and Family

Your friends and family can be a great source of support while going through a divorce. However, there can be things about your divorce you don’t want to discuss with them. This is where it helps to establish post-divorce boundaries for them. If your friends or family offer unsolicited advice, it’s okay to tell them something like “I appreciate your concern, but I don’t want to talk about that right now”. Don’t be afraid to be a bit more direct too if they don’t get the message. It’s best to let them know where the boundaries are now so they don’t keep crossing over them inadvertently.

Your divorce is your business. Setting post-divorce boundaries can help make sure you keep it that way. Not only will it make you feel more comfortable, but setting these boundaries will help you have a sense of control over what can be an uneasy time.

Custody Types: Differences & What To Expect

Child custody is the first thing many think about after the initial thought of divorce. Where will the kids spend the majority of their time? All aspects of divorce can seem overwhelming. The thought of spending birthdays without your children can be scary, but it doesn’t have to be. Let’s discuss the custody types that are common, so you know which type is best for you and your soon to be ex.

Custody Types: The Differences Between Them

Legal Custody

Different from the rest of the custody types, legal custody allows a parent to make decisions regarding the upbringing of the child. In most states, joint legal custody is granted. Legal custody allows the parent to make decisions about schooling, religious practices, and medical care. If you exclude your ex from any decision making and you have joint custody, it can result in court visits where a judge will enforce the agreement.

Physical Custody

Physical custody grants the right for a child to live with one parent or the other. Joint physical custody happens sometimes, too. Joint physical custody is one of the popular custody types for parents who live close enough to each other. Before granting joint physical custody, a judge will ensure it will not be stressful for the children to go between homes.

Sole Custody

Once widely popular, sole custody is losing its luster in courts around the United States. Sole custody grants either sole physical or sole legal custody to one parent. This happens in the cases of a parent being considered unfit to parent, due to a variety of reasons. As far as custody types go, sole custody is probably the harshest. However, if you have sole custody, your ex may still have visitation rights.

Joint Custody

Also known as shared custody, joint custody allows both parents to share decision-making responsibilities. In addition, both parents are equally responsible for the physical and financial aspects of raising children. In these cases, parents usually work out a schedule that works best for them and for the children. Sometimes, custody types like joint physical custody include alternating periods of time (weeks, months, years, etc.) or spending weekdays with one parent and spending holidays and weekends with the other.

As these are the most common custody types, there may be cases where other agreements or arrangements are made. Also, you should remember that there can be a restriction on custody depending on the fit of the parent. Every case is different, and if you need help or clarification regarding your custody agreement, consult your attorney. We’re always here to help.