It isn’t all that uncommon to feel lost during and after your divorce. Considering how much of your life has changed, those feelings are to be expected. However, it’s important to start focusing on your post-divorce identity. Doing so will help you move forwards and begin to feel at peace once again…
How-to: Find Your Post-Divorce Identity: Accept Change
Loss of identity
The reason it can be hard to find your post-divorce identity is because of how much has changed in your life. Of course, there’s the divorce itself to consider. Your marriage probably played a big role in defining who you were. Suddenly losing that part of your identity is going to leave you feeling confused as to what you should do next.
There’s also the fact that you may struggle with being single too. It could be that since it’s been so long since you were single, you don’t know what that kind of life is like. Even things you think you should enjoy can feel odd now that you’re divorced.
A large part of finding your post-divorce identity comes down to processing these new changes. This won’t be something that can be done overnight. However, by slowly understanding and accepting these changes, you can begin to feel more confident about yourself and your new life.
In fact, one of the best things to do is to start making changes yourself. That way, you can start to feel like you’re back in control of what’s going on. Some good changes to make can including exercising, eating healthier, and spend more time with friends and family.
Enjoy being in control
Remember that after your divorce, you’re now in total control of your life. You no longer need to worry about what your spouse does or doesn’t want you to do. This gives you a lot of freedom to truly begin creating your post-divorce identity. In particular, you can now do all the things you never felt like you could while married.
Having this new freedom means there’s a whole lot of new opportunities for you to explore. You can try new hobbies, travel to new places, and meet new people. As you do this, you’ll quickly find ways to not only enjoy this new life but also really thrive in it as well.
When you try to date again after your divorce, you may be interested in some online options. However, while dating online can be convenient, it can also have people looking to scam you. Therefore, it’s important to know how you can protect yourself accordingly…
Dating Online: Avoid Scammers
Check their profile
A good thing to do when online dating is checking a person’s profile. Many people get matches and just assume they must have something in common. As a result, they don’t pay attention to what a person’s profile has. By not doing this, they could be setting themselves up for a scam.
Many scammers will either have very simple profiles, or ones full of spelling errors and mistakes. In fact, they may even use fake pictures to try and trick you. It’s good to try and do a Google reverse image search on their profile pictures. That way, you can see if they’re legit, or pretending to be someone else.
Watch for red flag phrases
Scammers who try and target those dating online tend to also use similar playbooks. Usually, they’ll try and get you to either give them personal information or money. For example, they may say that they’re having a hard time financially and need some money if they were to go and see you. Or, they’ll try and ask very specific questions, usually to try and hack into your accounts.
Some scammers may also try and use blackmail. They’ll ask you to send compromising videos or pictures, and then threaten to send them to people you know unless you give them money. That’s why you need to be careful about what you share with these strangers.
Be careful of links
A new scamming method to be aware of when dating online are phishing links. These are links which someone will send to you in order to try and steal your information. For example, they may send a link which seems to be for their Facebook. In reality, it sends you to a site which either locks your computer, installs a virus, or tries to steal your personal info.
It’s best to avoid clicking any links a person sends, especially if it’s the first thing they send you. You should also make sure you have some kind of anti-virus protection. These programs can detect scam links, and help you avoid clicking on them.
Divorce tends to be rough for those involved. In fact, it could develop into full-blown depression. Therefore, it’s good to know how to practice healthy coping post-divorce. Doing so can help you really start to turn things around…
Coping Post-Divorce: Emotional Impact of Divorce
Talk it out
One useful way to practice good coping post-divorce is by talking to others. It isn’t healthy to just allow for your thoughts and feelings to stay bottled up. If you do, they’ll just start to get worse and worse over time. Eventually, they’ll boil over and be released in a much more unhealthy way.
Instead, it’s a good idea to try and talk to someone about how you feel. This could involve meeting with a therapist or counselor to work on your emotions. Or, it could just mean talking to a close friend or family. Sometimes, all you need is someone to listen to you.
Another way to engage in some productive coping post-divorce is by expressing yourself. Talking can always be good for getting those feelings out there. But, maybe you feel certain things you can’t describe by just talking. In these cases, it helps to find other ways to express how you feel.
For instance, many people like to try creative writing, such as poems or short stories. Others like to try their hand at painting or photography. If you can find a good way to express your creative side, then it can seriously help with your coping process.
A lot of people like to include getting active as part of their coping post-divorce process. This is for good reason: exercise has been proven to help people think clearer and feel better. Plus, getting in shape also provides a nice self-esteem boost at a time when you could really use it.
The nice thing about exercise is you have a lot of different options out there as to what you’d like to do. In addition, you can do it practically anywhere. Aside from joining a gym, you can always walk or run outside, or bring the gym to your home! That way, you can find what works for you needs.
Handling Valentine’s Day post-divorce can be pretty difficult for some. Seeing all the fanfare can be a constant reminder of what they’ve recently lost. However, with the right kind of preparation, it is possible to make it through the day…
Valentine’s Day Post-Divorce: Surviving the Day
Don’t add fuel to the fire
First, it’s important to understand how you’re feeling. Don’t add fuel to the fire if you already feel upset or angry. Surviving Valentine’s Day post-divorce is all about making yourself feel better.
Try to skip the romantic movie marathons, and instead, put your emotions and effort into something else. You can get some remodeling done, or maybe get some exercise in. Whatever you decide to do, what’s important is getting your mind off the holiday.
Don’t be afraid to treat yourself on Valentine’s Day. Think of it as you giving yourself a much-needed break. Self-care is very important when it comes to surviving Valentine’s Day post-divorce.
You can get yourself some candies or maybe buy something you’ve had your eye on for a while. Self-care can come in a wide variety of forms. All you need to be worried about is doing or getting whatever makes you happy.
Be with friends
It can be hard to not feel alone after a divorce. People tend to feel isolated and as if the world is passing them by, especially on Valentine’s Day. However, sometimes it helps to show yourself how loved you are.
Having your friends over is a good way to fight that Valentine’s Day post-divorce loneliness. You can, for example, have a nice, in-home potluck to avoid the couples at restaurants. It’s also a nice way to appreciate the friends who have been with you through thick and thin.
Remember that things will get better. Time heals all wounds, and that’s especially true for divorce. Stay focused on improving yourself and you’ll soon be able to enjoy the holiday once more.
Going through a divorce can be very emotionally draining. As a result, post-divorce depression is very common. However, it doesn’t have to control you. In fact, there are ways you can work on overcoming those negative feelings…
Post-Divorce Depression: Emotional Impact of Divorce
Meet with a therapist
One good way to start tackling post-divorce depression is by first meeting with a therapist. A therapist is a great resource for people with things like depression. These professionals specifically focus on helping you recognize why you feel the way you do, and how to start feeling better.
There’s many ways a therapist may try to help you. For example, they might try to help change your behaviors, and in turn, change the way you think. Or, they might focus in on what’s causing you to feel as you do, and come up with a plan of action. It might take some time, but it’s well worth it to find a therapist that fits your needs.
Spend time with loved ones
Dealing with post-divorce depression tends to make people act very isolated. They don’t want to do much of anything anymore, and would rather spend time alone in their homes. Of course, this will just make that depression get even worse. Therefore, it’s important to spend some time with those you love.
Being with friends and family can help show you that you aren’t as alone as you feel. Rather, you still have people who care for you, and will help you out. Spending time with them can help change your perspective, and help you start to think more optimistically.
Find a new hobby
Your post-divorce depression can also make it hard to find motivation to do things you once loved. When this happens, don’t just accept it. Instead, try to push yourself to go out there and get yourself doing things again. In fact, you might even want to take this time to explore some new hobbies.
Finding a new hobby is a great way to regain that motivation. Plus, this hobby can be pretty much anything you want it to be. You might even end up making some potential new friends in the process!
It’s been proven that owning a pet is good for your health. Pets are stress relievers, companions, and a good excuse to get a little exercise or spend some time outside. So, what are the benefits of pet support during divorce? Let’s discuss…
Pet Support During Divorce: What Your Furry Friends Can Do For You…
Good for You
The benefits of pet support during divorce go on and on. Pets give their owners an overall better wellbeing and greater happiness. They can relieve stress in a high stress time and help keep your mind off your separation. In addition to that, they are great cuddle buddies and are always happy to see you.
Good for Your Health
One of the obvious benefits of pet support during divorce is the need for physical activity. When you’re grieving a divorce, it can be easy to stay in all day on the couch. A simple walk a couple times a day keeps you active and allows for bonding time. Additionally, a study from the American Heart Association shows that pets can help lower cholesterol and blood pressure.
Good for Children
Children are often confused and lonely when their parents are divorcing. It can be a difficult time for them, needing constant reassurance and extra love. A pet senses this need for extra love and provides just that. Amongst the other benefits of pet support during divorce, pets give children someone to talk to. Putting their thoughts and feelings into words, even to someone who can’t respond, allows a child to come to terms with what’s happening.
Not Just Pets
Other animals can also provide therapeutic relief for children during divorce and they don’t have to live in your home! Horses are healing animals. Learning to care for and ride a horse is a good outlet for built up emotions. Doing so can help ease anger and release frustrations for those who need an outlet. Working in a stable and riding horseback are benefits of pet support during divorce without the live-in component of a pet!
In conclusion, get a pet… Jokes aside, if you happen to be looking for someone loving to share your time with and come home to, consider getting a pet. The benefits of pet support during divorce greatly outweigh the drawbacks, like middle of the night potty breaks or the walks in the rain.
When parents separate, it generally means the children will soon have two homes. Two places to call home, two homes to create memories, and two places to call their safe space. Sometimes, however, these two homes are far away from each other. When it comes to long distance co-parenting, the distance can be fifty miles or five hundred. However, it still feels like the other parent is on the other side of the world for the child. Long distance co-parenting isn’t a bad thing, it shows effort and dedication on both parts.
Long Distance Co-Parenting
If you are the parent that the child lives with most of the time, make sure you send their other parent quick text and photo updates of the child. It’s an easy and quick way to keep the long-distance parent involved in day to day activities.
If you are the other half of the long distance co-parenting situation, you can be active in sending texts or quick phone calls just to let the child know they’re being thought of. By sharing in small daily texts, it’s also important to maintain cordial relationships with your former spouse.
Stay Up to Date
Long distance co-parenting requires a little more effort when it comes to keeping up with your child. Sports, extracurriculars, and other activities are important to children.
Keeping an open line of communication between both parents for matters that regard the child is important. This makes sure no parent feels left out. Keeping up with these aspects of life from afar show there is an investment in the child, even at a distance.
Let’s be honest, it’s hard to keep photos of an ex-spouse in your home. It’s important to keep a few, however, to create a family environment for your kids. In situations of long distance co-parenting, a few family pictures throughout the house will help during visits or moments of missing the long distance parent.
Creating a specific time to FaceTime or Skype with your child is so important. Creating a plan and making it a routine creates something for you and your child to look forward to. It can be daily or weekly. This allows for visual time when texts and phone calls are the norm in your long distance co-parenting reality.
During visits at the long-distance home, use that scheduled time to video chat with the other parent. It will create a balance and still allow some quality time with both parents for the child.
Divorce doesn’t just take a toll on your emotions. It can also be pretty draining financially as well. Often times, it’s hard for people to adjust to their post-divorce financials. However, it is possible to begin thriving again after your divorce…
Post-Divorce Financials: Survive and Thrive
Make a budget
Budgeting is an important part of your post-divorce financials. After all, you might find yourself with lesser cash flow after your divorce. Going from a dual-income to a single income household will mean you’ll have to make some changes.
It helps to create a spreadsheet and measure out your expenses versus your income. Then you can see what you can cut back on if you need to save some money. Sticking to a budget will help you avoid spending money on things you don’t really need in the long run.
Adjust your routine
Making slight changes to your routine can actually have a large impact on your post-divorce financials. You might be used to a certain way of doing things before your divorce. However, it might be wise to make some changes afterwards to save you some money.
For example, lets say you usually get a coffee in the morning from a coffee shop that costs $4. Making your own coffee at home instead could send up saving you about $30 a week, and up to $125 a month! Having that extra bit of money saved can really help you get your finances together after a divorce. Try to find the things in your routine that you can temporarily go without to save that extra bit of money.
Invest in your future
A person’s earnings can take quite a hit after a divorce. For example, women can have their earnings lowered by up to 37%! That’s why it’s important for your post-divorce financials that you plan ahead for your future.
You might want to think about ways you can expand or increase your career opportunities. This could mean getting new certifications or taking some higher education. Many community colleges offer more affordable options than their university counterparts.
Getting a better grasp over your post-divorce financials can actually be quite empowering. You can take direct action in reestablishing your post-divorce life one day at a time with a good budget and a good plan for the future.
After separation or divorce, it’s easy to overwhelm yourself. Even an amicable divorce is not easy. With the seasons changing, now is a good time to really embrace your new life. Spring cleaning post-divorce can happen during any season! Time to clean out the closets.
Spring Cleaning Post-Divorce: Starting Anew
Hated that piece? Get rid of it
Sometimes, exes buy pieces for the home that aren’t the best looking or best fitting. If your ex left this piece behind during their move, get rid of it. Spring cleaning post-divorce allows you to focus on yourself and what you like. If that chair in the sitting room doesn’t fit the bill, it’s gone!
If donating the item is something of interest, many non-profits will gladly schedule a pick up. But maybe selling it is a better option! Facebook Marketplace, Offer Up, and the NextDoor app all offer a solution for selling those items.
Make It Yours
Making your new solo space yours is most important when you’re spring cleaning post-divorce. Simply changing out the throw pillows to a color that you like more or removing personal touches of your ex will freshen up your space and make it a place for just you. In the case that you need to get your own place, don’t feel disheartened! It’s a positive time for starting over and truly making a space yours.
Many people have heard of the Netflix show, Tidying Up with Marie Kondo. Spring cleaning post-divorce means organizing for this next step in life without dragging baggage in from your married life. Utilizing the KonMari method will help you only keep things in your life that bring you joy. While this may seem daunting, take your time. A good tip to remember is to tackle one room at a time!
Sweep, Mop, Clean
Spring cleaning post-divorce can include cleaning the windows and mopping the floors. The physical act of cleaning is therapeutic and it’s a perfect metaphor for divorce. After you’re done cleaning, you’ll feel in control of your life and your space.
Remember: property settlement will determine if your ex gets to leave that awful chair behind. Don’t start decluttering their personal items out before the court decides that the remaining property is yours. Make sure you talk to your ex about what they want and don’t want. Spring cleaning post-divorce is a therapeutic time but don’t let it get you in trouble in court!