Sharing Spring Break Post-Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Spring break is a fun week off of school for kids. The weather is finally getting a little warmer and it allows for a nice break before the rush of the end of the school year. While most plan for spring break all year with a trip to the beach or an amusement park, some families are sharing spring break for the first time.

As we approach the mid-semester break, let’s discuss the issues that you may be facing for the first time since your separation or divorce.

Sharing Spring Break: First Year Adjustments 

First Time Traveling With(out) You

Maybe your ex has a trip planned for part of spring break. When she mentioned the idea of taking the kids a few hours away for a couple of days, it seemed like no big deal. But, as the day came closer, you’re starting to have second thoughts. Unless there are safety concerns, relax and let your children enjoy their vacation. It might be the first, but it won’t be the last. Sharing spring break means your turn is coming; just look forward to getting to spend that time together.

New Significant Others

Before sharing your new significant other with your children, please remember your ex-spouse and how they will feel. Often times, school breaks coincide with trips that your new significant other will be joining you on. Sharing spring break (and sharing your children) means you’ll need to get permission from your ex before you continue with this. 

Conversely, if your ex wants to bring their new significant other on their vacation with the kids, think about how you’d feel if the roles were reversed. Keep in mind, each family and situation is different and there is no definite timeline to follow.

Spending Spring Break with Friends

As children grow, there is a chance they will want to spend spring break with a friend’s family on their vacation. This is normal, but might be tough. You may both have to agree to let your child spend spring break away from you. Sometimes, sharing spring break doesn’t necessarily mean with just your ex!

Keep in mind your custody agreements with your ex and the arrangements you have for weekly custody. Traveling outside of these agreements could create legal issues. Sharing spring break is a good way to enjoy stress-free time with your children. Make sure to communicate with your ex to create a smooth week. This is a good time to understand the details of your agreements and enjoy quality time with your kids!

Pet Support During Divorce: Exploring Benefits

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

It’s been proven that owning a pet is good for your health. Pets are stress relievers, companions, and a good excuse to get a little exercise or spend some time outside. So, what are the benefits of pet support during divorce? Let’s discuss…

Pet Support During Divorce: What Your Furry Friends Can Do For You… 

Good for You

​The benefits of pet support during divorce go on and on. Pets give their owners an overall better wellbeing and greater happiness. They can relieve stress in a high stress time and help keep your mind off your separation. In addition to that, they are great cuddle buddies and are always happy to see you.

Good for Your Health

One of the obvious benefits of pet support during divorce is the need for physical activity. When you’re grieving a divorce, it can be easy to stay in all day on the couch. A simple walk a couple times a day keeps you active and allows for bonding time. Additionally, a study from the American Heart Association shows that pets can help lower cholesterol and blood pressure.

Good for Children

Children are often confused and lonely when their parents are divorcing. It can be a difficult time for them, needing constant reassurance and extra love. A pet senses this need for extra love and provides just that. Amongst the other benefits of pet support during divorce, pets give children someone to talk to. Putting their thoughts and feelings into words, even to someone who can’t respond, allows a child to come to terms with what’s happening.

Not Just Pets

Other animals can also provide therapeutic relief for children during divorce and they don’t have to live in your home! Horses are healing animals. Learning to care for and ride a horse is a good outlet for built up emotions. Doing so can help ease anger and release frustrations for those who need an outlet. Working in a stable and riding horseback are benefits of pet support during divorce without the live-in component of a pet!

In conclusion, get a pet… Jokes aside, if you happen to be looking for someone loving to share your time with and come home to, consider getting a pet. The benefits of pet support during divorce greatly outweigh the drawbacks, like middle of the night potty breaks or the walks in the rain.

Spring Cleaning Post-Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

After separation or divorce, it’s easy to overwhelm yourself. Even an amicable divorce is not easy. With the seasons changing, now is a good time to really embrace your new life. Spring cleaning post-divorce can happen during any season! Time to clean out the closets.

Spring Cleaning Post-Divorce: Starting Anew 

Hated that piece? Get rid of it

​Sometimes, exes buy pieces for the home that aren’t the best looking or best fitting. If your ex left this piece behind during their move, get rid of it. Spring cleaning post-divorce allows you to focus on yourself and what you like. If that chair in the sitting room doesn’t fit the bill, it’s gone!

​If donating the item is something of interest, many non-profits will gladly schedule a pick up. But maybe selling it is a better option! Facebook Marketplace, Offer Up, and the NextDoor app all offer a solution for selling those items.

Make It Yours

Making your new solo space yours is most important when you’re spring cleaning post-divorce. Simply changing out the throw pillows to a color that you like more or removing personal touches of your ex will freshen up your space and make it a place for just you. In the case that you need to get your own place, don’t feel disheartened! It’s a positive time for starting over and truly making a space yours.

Get Organized!

Many people have heard of the Netflix show, Tidying Up with Marie Kondo. Spring cleaning post-divorce means organizing for this next step in life without dragging baggage in from your married life. Utilizing the KonMari method will help you only keep things in your life that bring you joy. While this may seem daunting, take your time. A good tip to remember is to tackle one room at a time!

Sweep, Mop, Clean

Spring cleaning post-divorce can include cleaning the windows and mopping the floors. The physical act of cleaning is therapeutic and it’s a perfect metaphor for divorce. After you’re done cleaning, you’ll feel in control of your life and your space.

Remember: property settlement will determine if your ex gets to leave that awful chair behind. Don’t start decluttering their personal items out before the court decides that the remaining property is yours. Make sure you talk to your ex about what they want and don’t want. Spring cleaning post-divorce is a therapeutic time but don’t let it get you in trouble in court!

Possible Living Arrangements After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
There are several possible living arrangements after divorce if you and your ex are sharing custody of your children. You’ll each want to be equally involved in their lives. And it’s best to find a solution that doesn’t disrupt their normal life any more than necessary. Some parents opt to keep their original home and let one parent live there while the other rents another place. There are also situations where both parents choose to find their own spaces. However, some more unconventional ideas might work better. Nesting involves parents sharing a home on different days. And finally, double nesting means that parents live as roommates. Figuring out which solution works best for your family will depend on finances, location, and your co-parenting relationship.

Possible Living Arrangements After Divorce: Finding the Best Fit for Shared Custody

One Parent Moves Out

The most conventional of the types of living arrangements after divorce is when one parent keeps the house and the other moves out. In this situation, the parent moving out typically rents another space. The children then go back and forth between the two homes. This works well for many families because kids get to stay in a home that is familiar to them at least part of the time.

Both Parents Find New Homes

Another possible living arrangement after divorce is for both parents to find new places to live. Oftentimes families choose this option if the payments on their home are very expensive and it makes more sense financially to rent smaller, cheaper places. In this situation, children would still move back and forth between the two homes.

Nesting

Nesting is one of the less conventional living arrangements after divorce that is gaining a lot of popularity. In this situation, the children live full-time in their original home. The parents each take turns living in that home with them. Parents might share another location or each has a separate living space for when they are not living in the home with their children. This option allows your children to live in their homes without disruption or the need to shuffle back and forth.

Double Nesting

Finally, while most living arrangements after divorce involve the parents living separately, some families choose something called double nesting. This is when both parents stay in the home with their children and designate separate living quarters within the home that are their own. In this situation, the parents essentially live like roommates sharing a home and children. This is a tricky arrangement that only works if the parents can get along well and co-parent peacefully.

While there are many different living arrangements after divorce, your family might need to consider many variables when deciding which makes the most sense for you. Many families decide to allow one parent to stay in the home while the other parent rents their own space. Others choose to both move-out and find new homes. Both of these situations involve shuffling kids back and forth between two houses. However, if you and your ex do not want to re-locate your children, you can choose to try nesting and each share the home some of the time with your kids. Or if you feel like you can get along well as roommates, double nesting might be for you. However you decide to handle your post-divorce living situation, your children will probably adjust quickly. Hopefully, you can quickly find the solution that works best for your family.

The Unexpected Benefits of Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
While the divorce process is, of course, stressful and painful, you might find that there are unexpected benefits of divorce. There are negative effects as well, but many people are surprised to find some silver linings. Many find that they are more confident after a divorce. In addition, you will likely have more free time. And what’s more, your time is your own. Divorce can be a great way to start some new beginnings and exciting new chapters in your life. Finally, you can also prioritize your own goals and needs without feeling guilty. Divorce is difficult and it can be a very painful process. But hopefully, you will be able to experience some of these positive effects and begin to see your divorce as the start of a new chapter in your life.

The Unexpected Benefits of Divorce: Surprising Silver Linings

Confidence

Confidence is a very unexpected benefit of divorce. Most people assume that divorce will wreck their self-confidence. However, often the opposite is true. Divorce can be empowering and proof that you have what it takes to fight for what you deserve. What’s more, the thought of being single might be scary. However, after surviving a divorce, obstacles and fears might seem easier to overcome.

Free Time

Another unexpected benefit of divorce is that your time is now your own. You don’t have to worry about catering to your partner’s needs any longer. Or feel guilty when you take time for yourself. If you are now sharing custody of your children you might also have every other weekend free. While it can be a painful transition at first, you might start realizing there are a lot of benefits to having time to yourself now and then.

New Beginnings

Many people look at divorce as the closing of a chapter. But one of the surprising benefits of divorce is that it can be the first chapter in a new phase of life. Ending your marriage allows you to meet new people and even potentially a new partner. It might be just the fresh start you need to make changes in your life that you’ve been putting off for a long time.

Prioritizing Goals

Finally, another of the unexpected benefits of divorce is that you can now prioritize yourself and your own needs. If your marriage was on the rocks before, you might not have been able to take the time you need for self-care. In addition, if you put aside goals you now have the opportunity to reach for them. It’s okay to prioritize yourself now and get exactly what you want for your life.

While it can take a little while to realize the unexpected benefits of divorce, once you are through with the stress of the process itself, you can see the positives. Many find that although they thought they would be less confident, the process was empowering. And what’s more, they went through it and survived. After that, other fears might not seem as scary. Another positive is that your free time is now your own to do with as you please without guilt. You might also have more free time now, especially with shared custody. You can also prioritize your own goals and needs. And finally, divorce can often be the start of a new chapter in your life with exciting opportunities. While it can be painful and difficult, the divorce process is not all negative. There are some unexpected silver linings to look forward to eventually.

Dating After a Divorce: Pitfalls to Avoid

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Dating after a divorce can seem a little overwhelming at first, but you’ll get more comfortable with it as time goes on. When you first get your divorce finalized, it’s important to take plenty of time before jumping back into the dating world. You need to make sure that you are ready for it emotionally. It’s also important to pace yourself with a new relationship and take things slowly. Don’t ignore red flags if they come up in the relationship. And finally, avoid trash-talking your ex or even talking too much about them at all. It’s best just to focus on the new relationship! Hopefully, you can meet somebody new that is a great fit for you and you can begin a beautiful relationship together.

Dating After a Divorce: Pitfalls to Avoid When Getting Back into the Dating Pool

Jumping In Before You’re Ready

One of the common pitfalls to watch out for when dating after a divorce is jumping in before you’re ready. You need to make sure that you’ve fully healed from the stress of your divorce. It can take time to heal and to get back into the correct mindset for dating somebody new. Don’t rush things, take as much time as you need. You need to be in a clear headspace and ready to open yourself up to somebody new.

Moving Too Quickly

Another issue to avoid when dating after a divorce is moving too quickly with a new relationship. It’s important to take things slow. Make sure that you feel totally comfortable with your new partner before getting intimate with them. If they try to pressure you to move more quickly than you feel comfortable with, leave. A respectful partner won’t pressure you.

Ignoring Red Flags

Ignoring red flags is another pitfall to watch out for when dating after a divorce. Some people feel like they need to find somebody new quickly. So they’ll settle for a partner that maybe doesn’t really fit their needs. Or maybe even a partner that has red flags. Take your time and get to know somebody before getting serious. If they have any red flags like being overly controlling, disrespectful, or unhinged, get out early.

Trash Talking the Ex

Finally, one very common mistake that a lot of people make when dating after a divorce is trash-talking the ex. Even just talking about them too much can be a turn-off. Your new partner doesn’t want to hear all the dirt on your ex. It makes you come off as sounding petty and resentful. Try to focus on your new partner instead. If you’d like to share that you’re divorced, that’s perfectly fine, but don’t revolve the entire date around your divorce stress or your ex. Dating after a divorce can be intimidating at first, but it’s an important stage in the healing process. Some people are thrilled at the finalization of their divorce while others grieve. But divorce can be a great reason to get a fresh start in life. Find somebody new that is a better fit for you and build a life together. Just make sure that you’ve taken plenty of time to process your emotions from the divorce. In addition, take things slowly with your new partner. This will give you plenty of time to spot potential red flags. Don’t ignore these if you see them. And finally, don’t talk too much about your ex, but instead focus on learning things about your new partner. Hopefully, you can find somebody that is a perfect fit for you!

How to Build Credit During or After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
It’s extremely important to build credit for yourself if you are going through a divorce. That way, after your divorce, you will be able to do things like buy a car or rent an apartment. Ideally, you should be building credit your entire life. But if you haven’t already, it’s not too late to start. To establish credit, the easiest way is to open a credit card. Then you’ll need to practice healthy spending habits as well as borrowing habits. Having your own credit is necessary for having financial independence after your divorce.

How to Build Credit During or After Divorce: Financial Health

When to Build Credit

Ideally, you should build credit throughout your entire life. Parents often start building credit with their teenagers by opening a credit card in their name in high school. This is a good way to teach financial responsibility. However, if you do not have credit in your own name, you’ll need to build credit soon. It’s best to go ahead and establish a credit card before your divorce is final. This way, once it is over, you’ll be able to rent a new apartment or house or make big purchases on your own.

How to Establish Credit

The easiest way to build credit is to open a credit card in your own name. You can do this at any bank or online. This will establish a credit history for you. It can be difficult to open a credit card if you do not have any credit history whatsoever. So you might need to start with having a cosigner or getting a secured credit card. This is a card that is backed by a financial deposit that you make upfront.

Healthy Spending Habits

It’s important to establish healthy spending habits in order to build credit. Learn how to budget for things in advance. It’s also important to learn self-control so that you can stick to your budget. Keep track of your spending by reviewing your statements frequently. This will ensure that you don’t become a victim of identity theft. And remember to put a portion of every paycheck into your savings account before spending any of it.

Healthy Borrowing Habits

It’s also important to establish healthy borrowing habits when trying to build credit. Never borrow the full amount that you are able to. In fact, it’s best to only borrow a very small amount and have a plan in advance for how you’ll pay it off. At the end of each month, pay off your credit card balance in full. It’s a common misconception that you should leave a small balance from month to month. The truth is that your credit score will be higher if you pay off the full amount monthly. After a divorce, you’ll need to have a healthy credit history that is all your own. That way, you’ll be able to start your new life, including renting a new place or affording your own vehicle. It’s important to build credit early so that you have a long-established credit history. Do this by opening a credit card, co-signing a card, or getting a secured card. Establish healthy spending habits so that you stay within your budget. And finally, establish healthy borrowing habits and pay off your credit card balance every month. Having a solid credit history will give you the financial independence you need to start your new post-divorce life right on the right foot.

How-to: Find Your Post-Divorce Identity

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

It isn’t all that uncommon to feel lost during and after your divorce. Considering how much of your life has changed, those feelings are to be expected. However, it’s important to start focusing on your post-divorce identity. Doing so will help you move forwards and begin to feel at peace once again…

 How-to: Find Your Post-Divorce Identity: Accept Change

Loss of identity

The reason it can be hard to find your post-divorce identity is because of how much has changed in your life. Of course, there’s the divorce itself to consider. Your marriage probably played a big role in defining who you were. Suddenly losing that part of your identity is going to leave you feeling confused as to what you should do next.

There’s also the fact that you may struggle with being single too. It could be that since it’s been so long since you were single, you don’t know what that kind of life is like. Even things you think you should enjoy can feel odd now that you’re divorced.

Processing change

A large part of finding your post-divorce identity comes down to processing these new changes. This won’t be something that can be done overnight. However, by slowly understanding and accepting these changes, you can begin to feel more confident about yourself and your new life.

In fact, one of the best things to do is to start making changes yourself. That way, you can start to feel like you’re back in control of what’s going on. Some good changes to make can including exercising, eating healthier, and spend more time with friends and family.

Enjoy being in control

Remember that after your divorce, you’re now in total control of your life. You no longer need to worry about what your spouse does or doesn’t want you to do. This gives you a lot of freedom to truly begin creating your post-divorce identity. In particular, you can now do all the things you never felt like you could while married.

Having this new freedom means there’s a whole lot of new opportunities for you to explore. You can try new hobbies, travel to new places, and meet new people. As you do this, you’ll quickly find ways to not only enjoy this new life but also really thrive in it as well.

Dating Online: Keep Your Eyes Open

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

When you try to date again after your divorce, you may be interested in some online options. However, while dating online can be convenient, it can also have people looking to scam you. Therefore, it’s important to know how you can protect yourself accordingly…

Dating Online: Avoid Scammers

Check their profile

A good thing to do when online dating is checking a person’s profile. Many people get matches and just assume they must have something in common. As a result, they don’t pay attention to what a person’s profile has. By not doing this, they could be setting themselves up for a scam.

Many scammers will either have very simple profiles, or ones full of spelling errors and mistakes. In fact, they may even use fake pictures to try and trick you. It’s good to try and do a Google reverse image search on their profile pictures. That way, you can see if they’re legit, or pretending to be someone else.

Watch for red flag phrases

Scammers who try and target those dating online tend to also use similar playbooks. Usually, they’ll try and get you to either give them personal information or money. For example, they may say that they’re having a hard time financially and need some money if they were to go and see you. Or, they’ll try and ask very specific questions, usually to try and hack into your accounts.

Some scammers may also try and use blackmail. They’ll ask you to send compromising videos or pictures, and then threaten to send them to people you know unless you give them money. That’s why you need to be careful about what you share with these strangers.

Be careful of links

A new scamming method to be aware of when dating online are phishing links. These are links which someone will send to you in order to try and steal your information. For example, they may send a link which seems to be for their Facebook. In reality, it sends you to a site which either locks your computer, installs a virus, or tries to steal your personal info.

It’s best to avoid clicking any links a person sends, especially if it’s the first thing they send you. You should also make sure you have some kind of anti-virus protection. These programs can detect scam links, and help you avoid clicking on them.

Coping Post-Divorce: Healthy Outlets

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce tends to be rough for those involved. In fact, it could develop into full-blown depression. Therefore, it’s good to know how to practice healthy coping post-divorce. Doing so can help you really start to turn things around…

Coping Post-Divorce: Emotional Impact of Divorce

Talk it out

One useful way to practice good coping post-divorce is by talking to others. It isn’t healthy to just allow for your thoughts and feelings to stay bottled up. If you do, they’ll just start to get worse and worse over time. Eventually, they’ll boil over and be released in a much more unhealthy way.

Instead, it’s a good idea to try and talk to someone about how you feel. This could involve meeting with a therapist or counselor to work on your emotions. Or, it could just mean talking to a close friend or family. Sometimes, all you need is someone to listen to you.

Express yourself

Another way to engage in some productive coping post-divorce is by expressing yourself. Talking can always be good for getting those feelings out there. But, maybe you feel certain things you can’t describe by just talking. In these cases, it helps to find other ways to express how you feel.

For instance, many people like to try creative writing, such as poems or short stories. Others like to try their hand at painting or photography. If you can find a good way to express your creative side, then it can seriously help with your coping process.

Get active

A lot of people like to include getting active as part of their coping post-divorce process. This is for good reason: exercise has been proven to help people think clearer and feel better. Plus, getting in shape also provides a nice self-esteem boost at a time when you could really use it.

The nice thing about exercise is you have a lot of different options out there as to what you’d like to do. In addition, you can do it practically anywhere. Aside from joining a gym, you can always walk or run outside, or bring the gym to your home! That way, you can find what works for you needs.