Co-Parenting Events: Keys To Success

When you start to co-parent with your ex, it’s important to remember that you’ll be doing more than just watching the kids every now and then. Things will come up that will inevitably require both of you to be there. In these cases, you will have to learn to manage co-parenting events. These public events can be hard to adjust to, but it’s important you work together to keep the peace…

Co-Parenting Events: Adjusting to Change

Establish roles

When co-parenting events, it helps to establish roles beforehand. In particular, you should determine who is the “on-duty” parent and “off-duty” parent. The on-duty parent is usually the one who was watching the kids before the event began. The off-duty parent, in contrast, is the one who didn’t have the kids and comes on their own.

These roles help prevent you from both trying to compete to parent. Instead, the on-duty one should take the lead, like they would if they were watching the kids at their own home. Meanwhile, the off-duty one should be a bit more relaxed, making sure the kids check in with the on-duty parent if they want permission to do things. Alternating these roles will let you keep things fair.

Respect each other

It’s also important to show respect to each other when co-parenting events. Things might be a little tense or awkward between the both of you, especially if the divorce was recent. Making a public appearance together after splitting can cause you or your partner to get a bit anxious or standoffish. Therefore, you don’t want to make matters worse.

Instead, be respectful of how your ex feels. If they want to talk to you, then they’ll probably make that apparent. However, if they’re a bit more distant, then respect that and don’t try and push them to talk. Doing so can just make them angrier and upset, and put a damper on the event for your kids.

Remember why you’re there

Sometimes, it can be easy to forget why you’re co-parenting events in the first place. Worrying about how your ex is going to act can cause you both to lose sight of the bigger picture. You’re both there to support your kids and show your appreciation for them. As a result, try to use this shared goal to help things go smoothly.

When you and your ex start to get somewhat heated or a disagreement arises, take a step back and think about how you don’t want to ruin things for your kids. Talk things out normally and remember the roles you’ve established for the particular event. This can make it a lot easier to avoid arguments and let your kids have the support they need from both of their parents.

Post-Quarantine Divorce: An Unexpected Increase?

The COVID-19 pandemic and quarantine has certainly shaken things up for many couples. However, not all relationships will make it through unscathed. In fact, many experts expect to see a rise in post-quarantine divorce rates. There’s a couple reasons why this may be happening…

Post-Quarantine Divorce: Why It’s Happening

Previously planned

The simplest reason as to why some couples will get a post-quarantine divorce is because they already planned to split beforehand. In order to slow the spread of the virus, many states and countries issued stay-at-home orders. This meant places which usually would be open have had to either had to close or shift to online-only access.

As a result, many couples saw their divorce plans hit a snag. With places like courthouses offering limited accessibility, it became harder to get things moving. Instead, they usually agree to wait until the lock downs are over, which’ll make things much easier for them. In the meantime, they’ll keep preparing to ensure a smooth return to the divorce process .

Growing tensions

The other main reason behind a post-quarantine divorce is the quarantine itself. The quarantine means couples have to spend a lot of time with each other in the house. As a result, if they were already having problems, then things can quickly get worse as they have nowhere else to go.

Many couples find themselves fighting more often while in quarantine. With nothing else to do, it becomes easier for these fights and problems to take priority and become the focal point. Other couples are taking this time to do some self-reflection, and may realize that they aren’t happy with their current marriage and want some change.

What to do

If a couple was already set on divorcing beforehand, then they probably won’t change their mind about a post-quarantine divorce. However, for other couples, it is possible to change things. While resources like marriage counseling might not be available, couples can still work on improving their relationship. This could help them to take the time to fix their issues, rather than letting them get worse.

Still, if a couple reflects and realize a divorce is best for them, then they don’t just have to sit around. Rather, they can begin adapting themselves to what their post-divorce life may be like. This can include setting up good boundaries despite still living together, and talking to the kids about what’ll happen.

Divorce Causes: Understanding Conflict

Divorce is something that can happen due to a whole host of reasons. Still, some divorce causes tend to be more common than others. Knowing what these reasons are can shed some insight on what issues couples tend to face…

Divorce Causes: Common Issues

Too much conflict

Constant arguing and fighting are one of the more common divorce causes. Usually, these problems are because of issues communicating. Whenever a disagreement comes up, the couple won’t know how to discuss it properly. This leads them to fight and end up in a worse mood than they already were.

Eventually, it’ll feel like every conversation ends in some kind of argument. Not only is this upsetting for both spouses, but it also doesn’t resolve what the issue was in the first place. The stress and frustration of this can become too much to take, and end up resulting in a divorce.

Infidelity

It’s probably not surprising that infidelity is another of the frequent divorce causes. Cheating is seen as the ultimate betrayal of a partner’s trust. On top of any other issues, cheating tends to be the “last straw” for a spouse. Once they either learn about an affair, they’ll usually go right to divorce.

Partners usually cheat because of issues in the relationship, mainly due to feelings of neglect. Still, infidelity can occur in other ways aside from physical contact. Emotional and financial infidelity are both very real, and can cause a divorce all the same.

Lack of commitment

While marriage should be a big commitment, a lack of that is also among the frequent divorce causes. Now, a lack of commitment doesn’t mean a person will cheat on their partner, although it could contribute to it. Rather, what it means is that they don’t “feel” like they’re married, or that they have a strong bond.

This lack of commitment doesn’t have to be “negative” per say either. Instead, it usually tends to be more neutral, where you feel like your partner is still a friend more than a spouse. It’s possible that over time, a couple can lose strong feelings of love, and end up with a divorce.

Relationship Red Flags & Indicators

After a divorce, you might be concerned about future serious relationships ending up the same. A good way to avoid repeating past issues is by being aware of some common relationship red flags. These indicators can help you realize when things may not end well in the future…

Relationship Red Flags: What To Watch For

Issues talking

One of the most apparent relationship red flags is when you struggle to talk to your partner. For example, it could be that you can’t talk without things becoming some kind of fight. Or, you might struggle to have them pay attention to what you’re saying and to take you seriously.

If you can’t properly communicate now, then it’ll get even worse when things become more complicated. It’ll be tough to discuss marriage-related things like finances, children, and potentially relocating. If you aren’t able to improve your ability to talk now, you probably don’t want to keep things going for too long.

Lack of trust

A lack of trust is another of the most apparent relationship red flags. Any good relationship is going to be built upon a mutual level of trust. However, your partner might not give you that trust, and instead accuse you of things you haven’t done. On the other hand, your partner might act very shady and make you doubt how honest they are.

Trust issues can manifest in many different ways. It could be that your partner is always trying to track you, who you’re with, and what you’re doing on your phone. They could also constantly go out without telling you why or where they’re at, while acting suspicious. Not having faith in your partner doesn’t bode well for the future of your relationship.

Friends & family don’t like them

Sometimes you need an outside opinion to help you spot relationship red flags. In particular, it can be good to ask how your close friends and family feel about them. If there’s anyone who is going to give you honest feedback, it’ll be them. Plus, you know you can trust them because they’ll have your best interests in mind.

Many people when they’re in the “honeymoon phase” struggle with seeing their partner’s serious flaws. Furthermore, you might not want to hear anything negative said about them. Still, you should listen to what your friends and family have to say. They might be able to clue you in on something which you haven’t realized yet.

Blindside Divorce: Unexpected Turmoil

Divorce is always hard, but it can be especially rough when it seems to come out of nowhere. A blindside divorce can throw your whole world upside down. However, there are ways you can process the news and get things back on track…

Blindside Divorce: How To Recover

Keep your cool

It can be a bit easier said that done to try and keep calm despite a blindside divorce. After all, this news has probably shocked and hurt you quite a bit. Still, it’s important that you do your best to stay cool.

Letting your emotions get the best of you could cause you to say something you regret. Keep in mind that this is probably something your spouse has been thinking about for some time. During that time, they were able to process everything, but you haven’t had that time. Therefore, keep calm, ask some key questions, and then give yourself time to take it what’s happening.

Lean on loved ones

A blindside divorce isn’t something you want to take on by yourself. Even when you take time to process what’s occurring, it can be hard to juggle all those emotions. As a result, it’s a good idea to lean on your loved ones for some extra support.

These loved ones, usually close friends and family, will be a key part of your divorce support network. That’s why it’s a good idea to start getting some help from them now. Talk to them about how you feel and what’s worrying you. Odds are they can help you calm down, refocus, and feel more optimistic about the future.

Prepare properly

Another negative about a blindside divorce is that it means you haven’t had time to prepare for the divorce. While your spouse has been thinking about what they need to do, you’ll be starting from square one. That’s why you want to start getting things ready as soon as you can.

For instance, it’s good to start gathering important documents, especially financial ones. It’s also good to set up your own finances, like through an independent bank account, if you had been sharing things with your spouse. Preparing properly will help you “catch up” and not fall behind in the divorce.

Losing Love: Marital Woes

One of the hardest things that can happen in a relationship is falling out of love. However, losing love is a very real thing, and occurs for many different reasons. Understanding some of the most common ones can help you see why some couples have this happen…

Losing Love: Why It Happens

Lack of communication

Losing love in a marriage can be due to poor communication. Good communication is important for maintaining the bond between you and your partner. If your communication is lacking, then that bond is going to get weaker. Eventually, it’ll get to the point where the love itself becomes lost.

Communication can fall apart for a wide variety of reasons. You may have both had issues talking to one another about things and had constant arguments. Or, it could have been that you didn’t spend enough time talking to one another. Not having that good, balanced communication can turn those positive feelings for one another into negative ones.

Things started off poorly

Losing love can also occur when a marriage starts off poorly and never recovers. A strong foundation in a marriage is crucial for being able to handle tougher times. Lacking that good base will make it much easier for a couple to drift apart and not be able to come back together when things hit a rough patch.

For instance, it could be that a you or your partner had unrealistic expectations for each other. When you or they don’t met these expectations, it can set a negative tone going forwards. It could also be that you rushed into your marriage without giving your relationship time to mature and be certain that marriage was the right call.

Too clingy

Losing love is usually caused by something that makes couples become distant. Yet, being too close can also be another reason. If you’re too clingy of a partner, then it can end up frustrating your spouse. Eventually, things will get to the point where they want distance more than anything else!

It’s good for couples to spend time with one another. Still, it’s also key to have some individual time, or time spent with family and friends. You can’t be too clingy, or expect your partner to only ever want to spend time with you.

Divorce Fears: Facing Uncertainty

Divorce can be a pretty intimidating thing, even if you’ve given it a lot of thought. It’s not uncommon to have some divorce fears because of this. However, it is possible to overcome these worries, and pull off a divorce you’ll be confident in…

Divorce Fears: Common Worries

Spouse reacting poorly

One of the divorce fears which is common has to do with breaking the news to one’s spouse. Many people worry about how their partner will take the news. Some are afraid that they’ll get very angry at them. Others worry they’ll react in some other emotional way that they won’t know how to handle.

The thing is, you won’t know how they’ll react until you tell them. Still, you can make it much more likely for them to react in a more understanding manner. Plus, if you can keep things calm, and show a willingness to listen to what they have to say, that can also help prevent things from getting out of hand.

Too much to handle

Another one of the common divorce fears is that divorce will be overwhelming. There’s going to be a lot of different things that you’ll have to figure out while divorce. That’ll include things like co-parenting plans, who will get what, potential moves, etc. There’s also matters related to the divorce, such as if you’ll need to take time off of work or even find a new job.

All of these can feel impossible to manage at first. But it’s important to not let those fears take over. Instead, take some time and really hash out all of these details one at a time. Once you develop basic plans for each of them, they become a lot easier to manage.

Uncertain future

Divorce fears can even extend into what’ll happen once the divorce is over. In fact, most people are worried about how uncertain things will be. Usually, this comes with thoughts about if they made the right decision, or how things like future relationships will go.

Much like with those fears about bringing divorce up, there’s no way to see the future. However, what you can do is work on making the post-divorce life you want a reality. Taking those proper steps once your divorce is over can help put those fears to rest and instead make you optimistic for what’s ahead.

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