How to Move on After an Abusive Relationship: Emotional or Physical
Pinpoint Personality TraitsOne of the ways to move on after an abusive relationship is to look back over your entire time together and try to pinpoint any personality traits that are red flags. Perhaps your partner was increasingly jealous or controlling? Maybe your fighting was getting out of hand. Or maybe a slight push at the start didn’t seem like a big deal. But then the physical abuse becomes more violent. Finding these little signs along the way are red flags. Knowing what to look for can help you see them as a future partner.
Write it DownAnother thing to help you move on after an abusive relationship is to write things down. For example, you can find a journal and write down every instance of abuse you can remember. Also, record the way that you’re feeling right now. Also, try to think back on how you felt in those moments. If you ever are feeling like you want to give your ex another chance, it can be helpful to read back over your entries. Seeing the abuse written down can put things in perspective. It can also help you see how things got out of hand, so you can avoid it next time.
Make Your Health a PriorityIf you’re trying to move on after an abusive relationship, it’s time to put your health as a priority. Find things that make you feel happy and self-confident. For example, maybe you haven’t had as much time for old friends lately. Or perhaps you have a hobby that you take pride in. Make your mental health a priority and try to get plenty of sleep and exercise.
Consider TherapyFinally, if you’re struggling to move on after an abusive relationship, it can help to go to therapy. A therapist can give you advice and tips to help you move on. They can also help you recognize warning signs in a partner. Professional therapy can be incredibly helpful in building back up your self-confidence. It can be hard to move on after an abusive relationship. Physical abuse and emotional abuse can be damaging and the scars can last a long time. Even after the physical scars have healed. Try to look back on your relationship and see if there are any red flags that you might be able to notice in the future. It’s time to make your own well-being a priority. For example, try a new exercise routine or get back into an old passion. And finally, consider speaking to a professional therapist. Hopefully, all of these things can help you move on from your abusive relationship and help you get back into the dating world so you can begin a new relationship with somebody more worthy of your time.
Looking Your Best for Divorce Court: Clothing and Style
Why It MattersLooking your best for divorce court is important because our justice system is very old-fashioned. Many judges prefer that everybody in the courtroom wear professional clothing as a sign of respect for the court system itself. Attorneys still are mostly expected to wear suits, ties, or skirts. When dressing for court, wear what you might wear for a professional job interview.
HairLooking your best for divorce court means keeping your hairstyle to something non-flamboyant. For women, it’s best to style it in a polished-looking ponytail or down. A messy bun is probably not the most professional-looking style. For men, it’s best to keep a clean-cut look and tame facial hair. You might love rocking a blue-dyed mohawk in your everyday life, but in court, it’s best to tamper your wilder side down.
ClothingIn addition to your hair, your clothing should also be modest when looking your best for divorce court. You won’t be able to enter if you’re swearing sweats, shorts, flip flops, midriff-baring clothing, or clothes with inappropriate slogans. For men, it’s best to wear shoes and socks, dress pants belted at the waist, a button-down shirt tucked in, and a tie. You can choose to wear a jacket if you’d like. For women, a knee-length dress or skirt that covers your chest modestly will work, so will slacks with a classy blouse.
StylePersonal style is so important to represent who you are as a person. But looking your best for divorce court means looking modest, and sometimes that means tampering down your personal style for the day. If you have a lot of piercings, consider taking them out for court. If you prefer clothing with sequins or a lot of sparkles, consider goes with something more muted. In addition, loud or flashy jewelry or very long nails will probably not go over as well as a more clean-cut traditional style. Save your awesome unique sense of style for the outside world. Looking your best for divorce court is important because first impressions matter. The judge could potentially be making decisions that affect the rest of your life and your children’s lives. You want to strike the right chord with them from the outset. Start by wearing a traditional-looking hairstyle and modest clothing. You want to look like you might be heading to a job interview. Your personal style is important for your everyday life, but in court, it’s most important to look polished and professional. Once you walk out of the courtroom you can go back to showing off your own personal style!
Pet Custody: Who Gets the Dog in a Divorce?
Types of Property OwnershipPet custody often comes down to when and how the family got the pet. In many states, there are two types of property ownership: marital and separate property. Marital property is anything that you both bought together as a couple. It can also include things you bought during your marriage. Separate property includes things that you bring into the marriage. It can also include gifts or things that you inherited during the course of your marriage.
An Animal Owned Before MarriageIf you or your spouse already owned the pet before you got married, pet custody is a little more cut and dry. In this situation, the pet usually goes to its original owner. However, often couples purchase a pet together. In these situations, it can be much more complicated. A judge would look at several factors to determine who gets the pet.
Pets and ChildrenOne of the factors that a judge might look at to determine pet custody is the custody of the children. If children are particularly close to a pet, it can be especially important. Oftentimes, a judge will want what is best for the children. In a time when things are a bit stressful and up in the air, a family pet can keep kids calmer. The pet might go to the parent who spends the most time with the children.
Joint CustodyAnother outcome that is less common in pet custody situations is joint custody. This is where a pet would split its time between two spouses. This doesn’t often happen in North Carolina because most judges consider pets as property. However, if a couple jointly decides that this is what they want, they can include it in their separation agreement. They can also decide on visitation. Pet custody can be a complicated and emotional aspect of divorce. Unfortunately, along with the rest of the stress of divorce, people often forget that they’ll have to figure out what happens with their favorite pets. A lot depends on whether the pet is marital or separate property. If one spouse comes into the marriage with the pet, then they usually will get it in a divorce. In contrast, if the spouses buy the pet together it can get much more complicated. If they can agree to joint custody and visitation this can be part of their separation agreement. Otherwise, a judge will decide. Often judges will take the pet’s relationship with the family children into account as well. Hopefully, you’ll be able to come to an agreement that works for everybody and can keep your relationship with your loving pet.
Maintaining Mutual Friendships After Divorce: Don’t Make Your Friends Pick Sides
Have a Conversation with Your ExMaintaining mutual friendships after divorce is easiest if you and your ex-partner are both on board. Have a discussion about what you want your relationship to look like post-divorce. If you have children together, it really is best if you can maintain at least some level of trust and friendship. If you both feel strongly about sharing with your friends and not forcing them to pick sides, then it is definitely possible to do.
Have a Conversation with Your FriendsMaintaining mutual friendships after divorce also relies on being up-front with your friends. They probably have no idea how to navigate these waters either. They may feel like they’re being pulled to one side or the other. However, if you talk to them honestly about both of your desire to keep them in both of your lives, hopefully, they’ll be understanding.
Set Ground RulesIt’s important to set ground rules for maintaining mutual friendships after divorce. And the most important one of these is: don’t talk badly about your ex. Don’t try to win them over to your side of the divorce. If you are filling their ear with horrible stories about your ex or the other way around, they’ll be forced to pick sides. It also puts them in an awkward spot. It’s really best just to keep your breakup and your relationship with your ex-private.
Anticipate Some LossesFinally, it’s important to remember that maintaining mutual friendships after divorce just won’t be possible for every one of your friends. Some will pick sides even if you ask them not to. Expect that your ex’s closest friends will probably drop off your radar a bit. And likewise, your closest friends will most likely not be maintaining friendships with your ex. As time goes on and you and your ex get more comfortable with your situation, maybe it will be possible to rekindle some friendships. Especially if you have children. But, it can take time and there may be a point where you’ll have to just cut your losses. Maintaining mutual friendships after divorce can seem difficult, but it is possible. But it’s only doable if you and your ex are on the same page about it. So talk to your ex directly and lay a plan out for maintaining your friendships. Also discuss your plan with your friends, as they probably don’t really know how to navigate these waters any more than you do. Laying some ground rules for everybody will go a long way in maintaining peace. And finally, accept that some relationships will simply not work once your divorce is finalized. It’s ok to let some friendships go. However, hopefully, you and your ex will be able to maintain a friendly relationship and preserve your mutual friends.
How to Build Credit During or After Divorce: Financial Health
When to Build CreditIdeally, you should build credit throughout your entire life. Parents often start building credit with their teenagers by opening a credit card in their name in high school. This is a good way to teach financial responsibility. However, if you do not have credit in your own name, you’ll need to build credit soon. It’s best to go ahead and establish a credit card before your divorce is final. This way, once it is over, you’ll be able to rent a new apartment or house or make big purchases on your own.
How to Establish CreditThe easiest way to build credit is to open a credit card in your own name. You can do this at any bank or online. This will establish a credit history for you. It can be difficult to open a credit card if you do not have any credit history whatsoever. So you might need to start with having a cosigner or getting a secured credit card. This is a card that is backed by a financial deposit that you make upfront.
Healthy Spending HabitsIt’s important to establish healthy spending habits in order to build credit. Learn how to budget for things in advance. It’s also important to learn self-control so that you can stick to your budget. Keep track of your spending by reviewing your statements frequently. This will ensure that you don’t become a victim of identity theft. And remember to put a portion of every paycheck into your savings account before spending any of it.
Healthy Borrowing HabitsIt’s also important to establish healthy borrowing habits when trying to build credit. Never borrow the full amount that you are able to. In fact, it’s best to only borrow a very small amount and have a plan in advance for how you’ll pay it off. At the end of each month, pay off your credit card balance in full. It’s a common misconception that you should leave a small balance from month to month. The truth is that your credit score will be higher if you pay off the full amount monthly. After a divorce, you’ll need to have a healthy credit history that is all your own. That way, you’ll be able to start your new life, including renting a new place or affording your own vehicle. It’s important to build credit early so that you have a long-established credit history. Do this by opening a credit card, co-signing a card, or getting a secured card. Establish healthy spending habits so that you stay within your budget. And finally, establish healthy borrowing habits and pay off your credit card balance every month. Having a solid credit history will give you the financial independence you need to start your new post-divorce life right on the right foot.
If you’ve gone through a divorce, you may feel like you’ve been through the wringer. Divorce can be incredibly painful and the stress of it is often compared to the stress of losing a loved one. Self-care after your divorce is so important for your mental health. You deserve to focus on yourself for a little while and heal. Do this by giving yourself time to grieve. Get back to your hobbies and interests. Reconnect with friends since you’ve most likely been very busy. And finally, accept help when it’s offered. You’ve been through so much, giving yourself some self-care is necessary for your mental well-being.
Practicing Self-Care After Your Divorce: Taking Time for Yourself
Give Yourself Time to Grieve
Self-care after your divorce starts with giving yourself time and space to experience emotions. You might have been feeling pressure to stay strong. You’ve also probably been very busy lately. You might not have had time really accept your new life. Take time to grieve the loss of your marriage and also the vision you had of your future. It’s okay to swing from emotion to emotion. Now that your divorce is final, you can take the time to feel all the emotions you’ve been too busy to really experience.
Get Back to Your Passions
Another way to practice self-care after your divorce is to get back to your passions. Maybe you had hobbies that you’ve been too stressed or busy to focus on lately. If so, take some time to get back into those. You can also try out a new hobby by taking a class. A bonus of this is that you also could meet new people by doing this. A new hobby can take your mind off of thinking about your divorce.
Reconnect with Friends
Self-care after your divorce should include reconnecting with friends. Sometimes people are hesitant to get together with friends while they go through the divorce process. This is because they don’t really want to discuss the divorce or are afraid of giving away information to a mutual friend. In addition, if you’ve been in a controlling relationship, your partner might not have even let you spend a lot of time with others. If you’ve fallen out of touch with friends for any of these reasons, now is the time to reconnect. Getting out of the house and socializing will help you take your mind off of your divorce.
Finally, self-care after your divorce can include accepting help when it’s offered. Maybe a friend or family member is willing to watch your kids give you a night off. Take them up on the offer! You may even find that a therapist is very helpful in helping your deal with any leftover stress. Many people find it difficult to accept help from others. But you’ve been through enough stress, and you deserve to accept some help.
Self-care after your divorce is so important for your mental well-being. You’ve been through so much stress and deserve to have some time to take care of yourself. Give yourself time and space to experience the range of emotions that come with such a big life change. Get back to your old hobbies or find a new interest to focus on. Reconnect with old friends to help get your mind off of the divorce. And finally, accept help when it’s offered to you. Your friends and family just want what’s best for you. You’ve been through a major life change, and giving yourself a little self-love is important for your mental health.
Rebuilding Confidence After a Divorce: Get Your Groove Back
Refocus on Old HobbiesOne way to rebuild confidence after a divorce is to re-focus on old hobbies or passions. Oftentimes, divorce can be extremely time-consuming and stressful. It’s hard to make time for hobbies. Now that your divorce is final, you can try to get back to hobbies you care about. If you’re a talented painter, make time to paint. Or try to find a new hobby like yoga or meditation. Finding things you’re passionate about can really boost your self-confidence as you hone new skills.
Reconnect with Old FriendsAnother way to rebuild confidence after a divorce is to reconnect with old friends. You might have lost touch with people in the stress of the divorce process. If that’s the case, take the time now to reach out to them. For example, ask a friend to dinner or for a quick coffee. They can help you process your feelings about the divorce. It’s also confidence-boosting to be around people you care about and who respect you.
Positive AffirmationsMany people find positive affirmations to be very helpful in rebuilding confidence after a divorce. Affirmations are positive statements you say to yourself repeatedly in order to reprogram your brain to focus on positivity instead of negative self-talk. Many people find it helpful to write them where they’ll be seen frequently. For example, on the bathroom mirror so that they see them each morning as soon as they wake up. It could be something as simple as “I am worth loving.” Conversely, it could be something specific to yourself like “I will name three things I’m grateful for each morning as I brush my teeth.”
Get HelpRebuilding confidence after a divorce can be difficult. Sometimes it’s hard to figure it out on your own. Try reaching out to a therapist or counselor. They’ll be able to help you with negative self-talk and self-doubt. They can often recommend ideas for boosting self-confidence. In addition, it can be very helpful just to have another person to vent your feelings to. Don’t be afraid to reach out to a professional for help. Divorce can be very damaging to your self-confidence. If you’ve realized that you now have lower self-esteem it’s important to rebuild confidence after a divorce. Re-focus on old hobbies or passions. Finding things that you’re good at can to boost your confidence. Next, re-connect with old friends with who you’ve lost touch. In addition, many people find positive affirmations to be helpful with self-confidence. And finally, get help from a professional. A therapist or counselor is a great resource to use if you’re struggling with low self-esteem. If you can build back your self-confidence after a divorce, you can move on to the next exciting stage of life.
Creating a budget after divorce is absolutely critical. Things have probably changed for you financially now that you’re separated. You may have to make some lifestyle changes in order to stick to a healthy budget. To set your budget, you first need to figure out exactly how much money is coming in. Next, calculate how much your essentials cost. Then calculate any discretionary spending and figure out how much of it you can cut out. And finally, track everything you pay for so you know whether or not you’ve stuck to your goal. Hopefully, by creating a budget, you’ll be able to adjust more easily to your new life and create a savings cushion.
How to Create a Budget After Divorce: Make a Plan and Stick to It
Figure Out Money Coming In
Creating a budget after divorce starts with calculating exactly how much money is coming in. This doesn’t mean your salary. This means your salary minus anything that gets taken out of it. For example, take into account taxes, social security, and 401k deductions. If you are receiving or paying out alimony or child support, include this. Your overall income might be very different now that you are calculating it without your spouse’s additional earnings. You need to know exactly how much money you have to work with at the end of the day.
Next, when creating a budget after divorce, figure out your absolute essentials. You’ll want to know exactly how much money each month you need to survive. These include things like rent or mortgage payments, utilities, health insurance, and groceries. In addition, you may consider a car payment or internet access to work from home as essential needs. Don’t forget essentials for your children like daycare payments.
Calculate Discretionary Spending
Anything that isn’t essential is considered discretionary spending. This is where you can make lifestyle changes and possibly cut your spending if you’re trying to budget after divorce. Some of these things might feel a bit more essential than others. For example, maybe you could give up eating at restaurants several nights a week, but you really don’t think you could give up Netflix. Decide which things are necessary for you to really enjoy life and which things you might be able to reduce or cut out entirely. For example, perhaps you could subscribe to Netflix and Hulu and cut out your cable bill. Or find a car with a smaller monthly payment.
Track Your Spending
Finally, trying to stick to a budget after divorce means you have to track your spending. Otherwise, you won’t know whether or not you’ve actually stuck to your spending goals. Every time you spend money on anything, write it down. There are apps on your phone for this, like Mint, that will help you track your spending. They can give you some idea of how much you’re spending on things that really aren’t essential.
Creating a budget after divorce is important since your financial habits might need to change. It’s difficult to make the transition from two budgets to just one, but a budget will help. Figure out exactly how much money is coming in at the end of the day. Then figure out what your essentials are each month. Next, calculate how much you’d like to spend on discretionary things. And finally, track everything you spend money on so you know if you’re sticking to your goals. Budgeting is an important life skill and one that might serve you well in your new single life, and if you meet another partner down the road. Sticking to a budget might allow you to build up savings for things like home improvements, travel, and emergencies.
Many people might have strong feelings about a prenup agreement. Some believe it’s a great way to protect yourself before marriage and others find it un-romantic. If you do decide to move forward with a prenup you should make sure and define your personal vs marital assets. In addition, you should also define personal and marital debts. You can also choose to make provisions for children from an earlier marriage. And finally, you might choose to include a sunset provision that nullifies the prenup after a certain amount of years of marriage. If you do choose to ask for a prenup, make sure and speak with a knowledgeable attorney to make sure you are protecting yourself and your children.
What to include in a Prenup Agreement? How to Best Protect Yourself
Personal vs Marital Assets
One of the main reasons that people decide to get a prenup agreement is to define personal assets vs marital assets. If one partner is coming into a marriage with more wealth or assets, they may want to keep them separate. This would be different than money that you acquire during your marriage. This can also apply to things like family heirlooms. This is a way to ensure that specific items or money stay with you if the marriage ends.
Personal vs Marital Debts
Similar to personal and marital assets, many choose to get a prenup agreement to protect themselves from debt. If your partner is bringing a lot of debt into the marriage and you don’t want to risk being stuck with it during a divorce, you can specify this in a prenup. You would split any debts that you incurred together during the marriage equally if you divorce.
Dependents from Previous Marriage
Another important thing to include in a prenup agreement is provisions for any children from a previous marriage. This is a way for you to set aside money or property that they will inherit if you get a divorce. It keeps these from being able to be split during a divorce. If there are specific heirlooms that you want them to have you can include them in a prenup.
Finally, one uncommon clause that some people choose to include in a prenup agreement is a sunset provision. Many people think that spelling out the terms of your divorce is very unromantic when planning a wedding. However, with a sunset provision, the prenup would be null after a certain amount of years of marriage. This can be a way to put a partner at ease if they are hesitant about a prenup for emotional reasons. It shows that if your marriage stands the test of time, the prenup doesn’t need to be worried about anymore.
A prenup agreement can be a really good way to protect yourself financially in the event of a divorce. It can also protect any children you have from an earlier marriage. Make sure to include any personal wealth or property that you want to keep separate from joint assets. In addition, you can protect yourself from inheriting your partner’s debt through a prenup. You can also provide for your existing children by specifying what they would still inherit if you divorce. And finally, you can choose to include a sunset provision to end the prenup after a period of time. While it can be a polarizing thing to bring up before marriage, a prenup agreement can really be a good way to protect yourself financially.