Home Buying Post-Divorce

When your divorce is over, it might be nice to spruce up the home a bit. However, what if want to live somewhere new? Home buying post-divorce can be a bit complex, which is why you’ll want to make sure you do it right…

Home Buying Post-Divorce

Be financially ready

Before engaging in any home buying post-divorce, you need to be financial prepared. Divorce tends to leave a big impression on a person’s finances. You might have to not just pay divorce costs, but also adapt to a new single-income household. This can leave your finances in a bit of a critical state.

Plus, buying a house isn’t cheap. It’s a big financial commitment, so you need to be sure you’re ready. Consider what you have saved now, and if it’ll cover buying a house and the other costs, like moving. It’s much better to wait and save in order to avoid financial issues.

Know your needs

Another thing to consider when home buying post-divorce is what you need in a house. For instance, if you have kids, you’ll need rooms and space for them. If you don’t, then you could make due with a smaller home. Or, maybe you need a house which is closer to your new job.

When you recognize your needs, you can plan your house searching accordingly. Plus, you’ll also avoid buying a house with things you don’t need. After all, the bigger the house, the more it’ll cost. Saving money when you can is always handy with purchases like these.

Use a professional

Home buying post-divorce isn’t something you want to do blind. Trying to find house and look at them yourself is going to be a struggle. Plus, odds are you don’t know the finer details which you should be looking for. That’s why it’s useful to bring in a professional.

Making use of a real estate agent can help ensure you find the right house for you. These agents will know what homes are available, if they fit your budget, and where they may need repairs or inspections. That way, you don’t get burned on a potentially bad buy.

Divorce News: Making a Plan

It can be hard to bring up divorce with your spouse. However, it can be even harder to break the divorce news to your kids. With how traumatic divorce can be for them, you want to make sure it goes as smoothly as possible…

Divorce News: Telling The Kids

Tell them together

When breaking divorce news to your kids, it’s important you and your spouse tell them together. In effect, you’ll both want to maintain a united front. After all, you kids aren’t going to know what you know about the divorce or who suggested it. Doing it together helps tell them you’re still working together.

Also, this avoids sending them any mixed messages. If you tell them first, and your partner does later, it could confuse your kids. Plus, you won’t know what your partner could say. Doing this together is good for making sure you’re both on the same page.

Wait for a good time

Another thing to remember when breaking divorce news to the kids is that timing is key. You don’t want to decide on a divorce, and then immediately tell the kids. You’ll also want to avoid telling them when they’re already angry or upset due to something else. Instead, you should make sure the time is right.

Wait until you and your spouse are sure you’ll divorce, and have some kind of plan set in place. Then, be sure to tell the kids somewhere they feel comfortable, and when they aren’t already emotional. This will help ensure the potential shockisn’t made worse by outside factors.

Know what to tell them

Of course, if you’re breaking divorce news, you should know what exactly you’re going to say. Your kids don’t need all the specific details of what went wrong. Most of it probably won’t make sense to them, especially if they’re younger. Rather, you should give them reassurance and a plan for the future.

Be sure that your kids know they aren’t responsible for the divorce, and that you both still love them. This reassurance is important for helping them start to process what’s going on. Then, tell them what might be happening in the future. If they know what to expect, then it’ll be easier for them to prepare emotionally.

Co-Parenting Events: Keys To Success

When you start to co-parent with your ex, it’s important to remember that you’ll be doing more than just watching the kids every now and then. Things will come up that will inevitably require both of you to be there. In these cases, you will have to learn to manage co-parenting events. These public events can be hard to adjust to, but it’s important you work together to keep the peace…

Co-Parenting Events: Adjusting to Change

Establish roles

When co-parenting events, it helps to establish roles beforehand. In particular, you should determine who is the “on-duty” parent and “off-duty” parent. The on-duty parent is usually the one who was watching the kids before the event began. The off-duty parent, in contrast, is the one who didn’t have the kids and comes on their own.

These roles help prevent you from both trying to compete to parent. Instead, the on-duty one should take the lead, like they would if they were watching the kids at their own home. Meanwhile, the off-duty one should be a bit more relaxed, making sure the kids check in with the on-duty parent if they want permission to do things. Alternating these roles will let you keep things fair.

Respect each other

It’s also important to show respect to each other when co-parenting events. Things might be a little tense or awkward between the both of you, especially if the divorce was recent. Making a public appearance together after splitting can cause you or your partner to get a bit anxious or standoffish. Therefore, you don’t want to make matters worse.

Instead, be respectful of how your ex feels. If they want to talk to you, then they’ll probably make that apparent. However, if they’re a bit more distant, then respect that and don’t try and push them to talk. Doing so can just make them angrier and upset, and put a damper on the event for your kids.

Remember why you’re there

Sometimes, it can be easy to forget why you’re co-parenting events in the first place. Worrying about how your ex is going to act can cause you both to lose sight of the bigger picture. You’re both there to support your kids and show your appreciation for them. As a result, try to use this shared goal to help things go smoothly.

When you and your ex start to get somewhat heated or a disagreement arises, take a step back and think about how you don’t want to ruin things for your kids. Talk things out normally and remember the roles you’ve established for the particular event. This can make it a lot easier to avoid arguments and let your kids have the support they need from both of their parents.

Strengthening Your Marriage After Children

The baby and toddler years are some of the toughest for parents, so strengthening your marriage after children can seem like a daunting task. But it’s important to start making your relationship a priority again. Start by creating small rituals every day that connect the two of you. Try to practice gratitude with one another, and make a point to recognize their contributions. Support one another when the stress of parenting gets overwhelming. And finally, make time for just the two of you to be alone without kids in tow. It can be hard to find the time to devote to your relationship when you have all the stress of young children. However, it will help strengthen your relationship and make your marriage last.

Strengthening Your Marriage After Children: Surviving the Toddler Years

Create Small Rituals

One of the easy ways of strengthening your marriage after children is to create small rituals every day that connects you. They don’t have to be big. Just simple, easy-to-remember things that you can both look forward to each day. For example, you could share a cup of coffee in the morning before the kids wake up. Or take a few minutes after bedtime to hear about one another’s day. Even just a text message throughout the day can help you feel closer.

Recognize their Contributions

It’s easy to get caught up in the chaos of life with young kids and forget to notice all the amazing things that your partner does. But it can help your marriage after children if you try to make a point to recognize the small things they do for you and say out loud how grateful you are. Maybe your partner always takes out the trash without you having to ask, or makes you breakfast in the morning. Maybe it’s just that the groceries show up week after week, or the diaper pail is suddenly empty. No matter how small, if it’s a gesture that makes your life easier, recognize it and thank them.

Support One Another

Another great way of reconnecting in your marriage after children or with little ones in tow is to simply support one another. There will be days when each of you feels burnt out or grieves the loss of the freedom you used to have. Everybody has days where their temper is a bit shorter. Try to jump in and help out more when you sense that your partner is getting frazzled, and hopefully they’ll do the same for you.

Have Some One-on-One Time

Finally, the advice that everybody gets for strengthening your marriage after children is to keep dating each other. This is easier said than done though when leaving the house requires a babysitter. But it truly is important to make time for just the two of you to be together. Even if you don’t leave the house, set aside a little time each week to have dinner together after the kids are in bed. Turn off your phones and focus on one another. If you have the means or the help to go out for a meal or spend an afternoon together, even better. Having a little one-on-one time without kids interrupting or screaming in the background is just what you need to reconnect.

Strengthening your marriage after children is important because those young baby and toddler years are tough on a relationship. You both are probably exhausted, stressed, touched-out, and at the ends of your rope some days. But it truly will make a difference in your happiness if you can find a way to reconnect with your partner. Try to create small rituals together every day. Recognize all that your spouse does for you, and say out loud how grateful you are to them. Help one another out when times get tough. Everybody has bad days, so tag-teaming is the best way to support each other. And finally, carve out time for just the two of you to hang out without distractions. Children consume all their energy and time. But making a little effort to reconnect with your spouse will improve the overall happiness of your entire family.

How to Heal from Divorce Trauma

Divorce trauma is a very real problem that can create issues for many aspects of your life. The stress of the divorce process is often compared to the stress of a loved one dying. It can create lasting emotional scars that can be quite difficult to heal from. It’s important to take some time to acknowledge the trauma. It’s also helpful to give yourself plenty of time and space to grieve. Therapy can be very helpful for dealing with the emotional damage of divorce as well. And finally, there are support groups for divorcees that many find to be very helpful. Hopefully, you can find the emotional support you need to begin the healing process and start to move on towards the next chapter in your life.

How to Heal from Divorce Trauma: Finding Yourself Again

Why is Divorce Traumatic?

Divorce trauma can create similar symptoms to PTSD. It can leave people with difficulties sleeping, negative thoughts about themselves, feelings of isolation, or a loss of interest in normal activities. Going through a divorce means changing everything about your life and the life that you thought you were going to live. And in reality, it is similar to a death in that you are losing a future you envisioned for yourself. Trauma from this type of upheaval can be serious and can impact all aspects of your life.

Acknowledge and Grieve

To help heal from divorce trauma, make sure that you acknowledge the trauma itself. Don’t try to write off your feelings. And don’t let others make you feel like you are overreacting to the situation. Instead, accept that this is an event that deserves grieving. Take the time to feel the emotional ups and downs of the divorce process. Everybody grieves in their way and on their schedule. So take as much time as you need.

Therapy

Therapy can be very helpful for divorce trauma, and there are many different kinds of therapy. For instance, talk therapy can be helpful so that you can organize your thoughts and feelings. Art therapy, creative therapy, or animal therapy can also be helpful for many. These types of therapies give you something else to focus on, and many find them soothing for stress.

Support Groups

Finally, support groups can be very helpful if you are experiencing divorce trauma. There are many people out there who are going through the divorce process. They can better understand exactly how you’re feeling and what struggles you might have. In addition, they provide an outlet for you to share your experiences which can be therapeutic. It’s easy to find local divorce support groups near you. Divorce trauma can feel overwhelming at times and can create difficulties in all aspects of your life. An intensely stressful divorce can leave you with the same symptoms as other forms of trauma. So make sure that you acknowledge these feelings. Take the time to grieve the life you believed you were going to have. And remember that you are on your schedule and can take as much time as you need. In addition, therapy can be extremely helpful for many people experiencing stress and trauma. And finally, support groups for divorcees can also be very helpful. Search online to find local groups near you that fit your schedule. It can take a while, but healing from divorce trauma is possible in time. Hopefully, you can find the support you need to begin moving through your grief.

How to Overcome Cheating in a Marriage

Trying to overcome cheating in a marriage is one of the most difficult challenges a couple can face. If you or your partner has been unfaithful, it may take some time to figure out how you’d like to move forward. If you choose to continue your marriage, you’ll need to take time to think things over. Make sure that you give yourself time and space to experience all your feelings. Don’t try to get revenge on your partner as this will only make things more complicated. And finally, seek outside help from a friend or professional counselor. Hopefully, if you choose to move forward with your marriage, you’ll have the tools to make it successful.

How to Overcome Cheating in a Marriage: Moving Forward

Take Some Time to Think

The first step in learning to overcome cheating in a marriage is to take some time to yourself. Give yourself some space to think about your relationship. If you were the cheating spouse, try to identify the reasons that led up to the cheating. Figure out if you’re remorseful about what happened and if you want to move forward. If you’ve been cheated on, really consider if you’d like to move forward with working on your marriage. You need to decide if this will even be possible.

Feel Your Feelings

You also want to give yourself some time to feel all your feelings if you’re trying to overcome cheating in a marriage. For example, you might feel sad, angry, confused, hurt, or any number of emotions. If you’re the one who cheated you may be in shock that it happened, and confused about why you let it happen. Give yourself time to experience all of those emotions before making any major decisions about your relationship.

Don’t Retaliate

Do not take revenge immediately after an affair if you’re wanting to overcome cheating in a marriage. Your first instinct may be to retaliate and hurt your spouse the way you’ve been hurt. For example, you may want to trash talk or tell everybody about what happened. However, you need to remember that your friends and family will have strong feelings about what happened and will most likely try to give you the advice to sway you one way or another. You also won’t ever be able to take back the things you say later. In addition, you may even consider getting back at your spouse by having an affair yourself. However, this complicates matters and probably won’t make you feel less hurt. You’ll just be spreading more hurt and division into your marriage.

Seek Outside Help

The biggest help to overcome cheating in a marriage is to seek outside assistance. A trained therapist can offer couples counseling which can help you and your spouse identify ways to make your marriage stronger. In addition, they can give you ways to communicate more openly. There are plenty of in-person therapists and online therapists available right now that can give you assistance. You can confide in your close friends as well, but be careful who you tell. Close friends and family are often very protective of you and might find it hard to forgive your partner later if you decide to move forward with your marriage.

Trying to overcome cheating in a marriage takes time and dedication. You and your partner both need to be equally focused on moving forward in honesty and open communication. Take time to really think about how you’d like your relationship to move forward. Next, take some time to really experience the emotional roller coaster you’re on. You might be feelings guilt, shame, sadness, anger, and many other things but that is ok. Give yourself time to feel them all. Don’t try to get revenge or you will just make more problems for your marriage. And finally, seek outside help if you’re wanting to move forward in a healthy way. While it can be one of the most difficult times of your life, many couples are stronger in the end by overcoming infidelity.

Starting the Divorce Conversation: How to Begin

The idea of starting the divorce conversation with your spouse can be painful to consider. However, most people tend to reach a breaking point in their relationship when they decide firmly that they do not want to continue the marriage. If you are at that point, it might be a good idea to speak to an attorney first to understand the legal process of divorce. Make sure that you are certain about your decision because you cannot unring the divorce bell. Pick the right time and place when there won’t be interruptions and try to keep the conversation calm. Your spouse might react in several different ways, but it’s important to stand firm and explain your reasoning. Hopefully, you and your ex will be in mutual agreement and can proceed with an amicable divorce.

Starting the Divorce Conversation: How to Begin the Talk with Your Spouse

Speak to an Attorney First

Many find it helpful to speak to an attorney before starting the divorce conversation. In some states, you’ll need to do a period of separation before you can begin the divorce process. An attorney can help you figure out what the steps are in your state. They can also help you decide if there are any steps you’ll want to take ahead of time to protect your assets before bringing up a divorce if you worry that your spouse might react badly. Having an idea of what you’re getting into can be a great place to start.

Make Sure that You Are Sure

Before starting the divorce conversation, make sure that you are certain about your decision. This is a bell that you cannot unring, so make sure that you won’t change your mind. For example, don’t decide on divorce in the heat of an argument. Rather, take a lot of time to think about all of the repercussions. It can also be helpful to speak with a relationship counselor to make sure that there aren’t ways to work through your problems.

Picking the Right Time

If you’ve considered it carefully and want to move forward with starting the divorce conversation, make sure that you pick your timing carefully. Find a time when you will not be interrupted. If you have small children, find childcare for them. In addition, make sure that you have plenty of time set aside for the conversation. For example, don’t try to spring it on your partner as they rush out the door for work. And finally, don’t bring up divorce in the middle of a heated argument. Instead, you’ll want to find a time when both you and your spouse are in a calm mental space.

Having the Talk

When you finally decide it’s time for starting the divorce conversation, just know that your partner might react in many different ways. For example, they might get upset, angry, or completely surprised. It’s important to keep your tone neutral and calm so that you can have a productive conversation. You want to make sure that you can explain yourself fully, so try not to let yourself get sidetracked by extreme emotions. In addition, if you are set in your decision, convey that. Don’t waver or act uncertain, but instead be firm with what you want.

Starting the divorce conversation is an overwhelming thing to consider. Divorce is a big deal, and not a decision that you should come to light. It can be helpful to speak with a therapist or counselor to help you make sure that this is the decision you want to make. In addition, it can also help to speak to an attorney beforehand so that you know what to expect out of the divorce process. Once you are certain about your decision, picking your timing is important. Finally, when you begin the conversation, try to make sure that you are firm but calm. Nobody wants to go through the stressful divorce process, however, staying in an unhealthy marriage can be much worse. Hopefully, you and your partner can move forward with separation and divorce in mutual agreement.

Possible Living Arrangements After Divorce

There are several possible living arrangements after divorce if you and your ex are sharing custody of your children. You’ll each want to be equally involved in their lives. And it’s best to find a solution that doesn’t disrupt their normal life any more than necessary. Some parents opt to keep their original home and let one parent live there while the other rents another place. There are also situations where both parents choose to find their own spaces. However, some more unconventional ideas might work better. Nesting involves parents sharing a home on different days. And finally, double nesting means that parents live as roommates. Figuring out which solution works best for your family will depend on finances, location, and your co-parenting relationship.

Possible Living Arrangements After Divorce: Finding the Best Fit for Shared Custody

One Parent Moves Out

The most conventional of the types of living arrangements after divorce is when one parent keeps the house and the other moves out. In this situation, the parent moving out typically rents another space. The children then go back and forth between the two homes. This works well for many families because kids get to stay in a home that is familiar to them at least part of the time.

Both Parents Find New Homes

Another possible living arrangement after divorce is for both parents to find new places to live. Oftentimes families choose this option if the payments on their home are very expensive and it makes more sense financially to rent smaller, cheaper places. In this situation, children would still move back and forth between the two homes.

Nesting

Nesting is one of the less conventional living arrangements after divorce that is gaining a lot of popularity. In this situation, the children live full-time in their original home. The parents each take turns living in that home with them. Parents might share another location or each has a separate living space for when they are not living in the home with their children. This option allows your children to live in their homes without disruption or the need to shuffle back and forth.

Double Nesting

Finally, while most living arrangements after divorce involve the parents living separately, some families choose something called double nesting. This is when both parents stay in the home with their children and designate separate living quarters within the home that are their own. In this situation, the parents essentially live like roommates sharing a home and children. This is a tricky arrangement that only works if the parents can get along well and co-parent peacefully.

While there are many different living arrangements after divorce, your family might need to consider many variables when deciding which makes the most sense for you. Many families decide to allow one parent to stay in the home while the other parent rents their own space. Others choose to both move-out and find new homes. Both of these situations involve shuffling kids back and forth between two houses. However, if you and your ex do not want to re-locate your children, you can choose to try nesting and each share the home some of the time with your kids. Or if you feel like you can get along well as roommates, double nesting might be for you. However you decide to handle your post-divorce living situation, your children will probably adjust quickly. Hopefully, you can quickly find the solution that works best for your family.

Recovering Financially After Divorce

Recovering financially after divorce can be a lengthy process. Divorce is very expensive and can leave you in a very different financial situation than before you started. So it’s important to take stock once the dust settles and see where you are with your finances. Figure out your credit score, and work on rebuilding credit if it’s low. Create a budget and try to stick to it as much as possible. And remember to focus on your savings account so that you are prepared for emergencies and unexpected expenses. It can be helpful to get help from a financial advisor to create a realistic budget. Hopefully, you can begin building up your credit and putting away money for savings.

Recovering Financially After Divorce: Moving On without Going into Debt

Take Stock

After you’ve given yourself a little time to heal, it’s important to take stock of where you are once the divorce is final. Your living situation might have changed as well as your expenses and income. Therefore, it’s helpful to create a list of all of your assets, debts, income, and savings. Figuring out what’s coming in versus going out can help you with recovering financially after divorce.

Find Your Credit Score

Another important aspect of recovering financially after divorce is to figure out your credit score. Your score might change now that you and your ex have separate accounts. And your credit score is very important when you need to make decisions about housing or vehicles. Check your score, and if it’s low, look into ways to bring it up. Make sure to always pay bills on time and pay them in full.

Create a Budget

Now that you are living on your own, you need to create a budget for yourself. This might look very different than the budget that you and your ex shared. It can be helpful when recovering financially after divorce to put yourself on a limited budget to build up your savings. Try to cut back on unnecessary spending like eating out or purchases. At least for a little while until you can get more stable.

Focus on Savings

Finally, when recovering financially after divorce, focus on your savings. It’s important to have healthy savings account so that you are prepared for emergencies. Or for unexpected expenses like medical bills, car maintenance, or house repairs. It’s just you now, so you need to have a safety net for yourself. Focus on an emergency fund first, then move on to saving for things like vacations. Recovering financially after divorce can be a stressful process, and might be an eye-opener if you’ve never lived on your own. It can be scary to go from two incomes to one or to lose the support of a spouse’s income. However, you will find your way soon enough. Take stock of all of your spending and savings once the dust has settled from your divorce. Figure out your credit score and start working on building it up if it’s a little low. Create a budget and try to stick to it as closely as you can. This way, you’ll be able to build up your savings so that you’re prepared for emergencies. Hopefully, you will figure out your finances and become stable quickly as you build your savings up.

The Unexpected Benefits of Divorce

While the divorce process is, of course, stressful and painful, you might find that there are unexpected benefits of divorce. There are negative effects as well, but many people are surprised to find some silver linings. Many find that they are more confident after a divorce. In addition, you will likely have more free time. And what’s more, your time is your own. Divorce can be a great way to start some new beginnings and exciting new chapters in your life. Finally, you can also prioritize your own goals and needs without feeling guilty. Divorce is difficult and it can be a very painful process. But hopefully, you will be able to experience some of these positive effects and begin to see your divorce as the start of a new chapter in your life.

The Unexpected Benefits of Divorce: Surprising Silver Linings

Confidence

Confidence is a very unexpected benefit of divorce. Most people assume that divorce will wreck their self-confidence. However, often the opposite is true. Divorce can be empowering and proof that you have what it takes to fight for what you deserve. What’s more, the thought of being single might be scary. However, after surviving a divorce, obstacles and fears might seem easier to overcome.

Free Time

Another unexpected benefit of divorce is that your time is now your own. You don’t have to worry about catering to your partner’s needs any longer. Or feel guilty when you take time for yourself. If you are now sharing custody of your children you might also have every other weekend free. While it can be a painful transition at first, you might start realizing there are a lot of benefits to having time to yourself now and then.

New Beginnings

Many people look at divorce as the closing of a chapter. But one of the surprising benefits of divorce is that it can be the first chapter in a new phase of life. Ending your marriage allows you to meet new people and even potentially a new partner. It might be just the fresh start you need to make changes in your life that you’ve been putting off for a long time.

Prioritizing Goals

Finally, another of the unexpected benefits of divorce is that you can now prioritize yourself and your own needs. If your marriage was on the rocks before, you might not have been able to take the time you need for self-care. In addition, if you put aside goals you now have the opportunity to reach for them. It’s okay to prioritize yourself now and get exactly what you want for your life.

While it can take a little while to realize the unexpected benefits of divorce, once you are through with the stress of the process itself, you can see the positives. Many find that although they thought they would be less confident, the process was empowering. And what’s more, they went through it and survived. After that, other fears might not seem as scary. Another positive is that your free time is now your own to do with as you please without guilt. You might also have more free time now, especially with shared custody. You can also prioritize your own goals and needs. And finally, divorce can often be the start of a new chapter in your life with exciting opportunities. While it can be painful and difficult, the divorce process is not all negative. There are some unexpected silver linings to look forward to eventually.