How-to Know if You Need Couples Therapy

Things have been rough lately, and both of you are feeling frustrated. You may be wondering if you feel therapy or counseling is a sign of weakness, but it actually is a sign of strength. This is a step towards working on making your relationship better. Here are some signs that you may need to go to couples therapy.

How-to Know if You Need Couples Therapy

Lack of Trust

It may be time to go to couples therapy if your trust has been broken. A lack of trust can be detrimental to a relationship. Some examples of how trust could be broken would be catching your spouse in a huge lie, or even finding out they have been having an affair. However, if you and your partner are willing to try and work through this, talking with a therapist where you can openly and safely express yourself may be a good place to start.

Ongoing Conflict

If you and your spouse are always arguing, it could be a good idea to go to couples therapy. Constant conflict is not healthy for any relationship. Additionally, even if you are just noticing that the frequency of your arguments is increasing, it is never too early to stop a problem before it gets worse. Get ahead of the issue and talk to someone.

Something Feels Different

Is there something that just feels off about your marriage? This could be a disconnect physically, emotionally, or mentally. In additon, there could be underlying resentment or distrust that is even pulling you apart. You may not even be able to pinpoint it to determine what it is. Whatever it is, it is worth addressing with a couples therapist.

Lack of Communication

Another reason to go to a couples therapist is if you and your spouse have a lack of communication. For instance, you could live in the same house together, but never have any sort of meaningful conversation with any depth. This could make you drift apart from your partner. A councilor could help give you the tools to communicate better. Above all, this could increase the quality of the conversations you have with your spouse.

In conclusion, couples therapy can be a big benefit to couples that are drifting apart or are going through a rough spot. However, it can also be useful to curb an issue before it even gets big too. It is never too early to get ahead of a problem and work towards a happy and healthy marriage.

How-to Know If You’re Ready to Remarry

If you are considering marrying someone again after divorce, there is a lot to consider. A second, third, or whatever number marriage can be more complicated than the first. There are many other factors and things to consider if you are wanting to get married again. Here are some questions to ask yourself if you are considering if you are ready to remarry.

How-to Know If You’re Ready to Remarry: Things to Consider

Ask Yourself ‘Why’?

If you are wondering if you are ready to remarry, you will want to ask yourself why you are wanting to marry again. When you look deep down, you may see some warning flags. If not, that is a good sign. For example, are you lonely and just wanting some companionship? Do not marry again just because you are the only single one in your social group, or to please your family.

Do not remarry solely for financial gain. Financial need can be a great motivator for some to marry again. For example, single parents who are struggling to support their children may find it desirable to have extra financial help. Regardless of your gender, don’t marry someone because it will relieve financial stress or help further a corporate career.

Have You Given Yourself Enough Time?

After a divorce, you have a lot to process emotionally, mentally and physically. Make sure you have given yourself enough time to work through these things. You need to have things handled on your end before you can be a good spouse to someone else. Make sure you are not harboring any anger or resentment towards your ex, or even still in love with your ex. If you have not dealt with these feeling, you will take those into your new marriage. Make sure that you are actually ready to remarry. Consider looking deep down into why your first marriage failed, and even consider therapy to make sure those old wounds have truly healed.

Some people rush into new relationships as soon as they split from their ex. Then, after only a few months, they want to get very serious with them. Make sure you give yourself time in this new relationship, even if you have known this person for a while before dating them. You will want to make sure you have had time to get to know them well. It is easy for someone to only show you their good side for the first few months.

Ex’s and Children

The second time around, a marriage may involve blending families. You will have to consider how their ex or children feel about you, and how you feel about them. This also applies to you with your ex and children as well. You are not just marrying one person, you’re entering the relationship with the whole bunch. Make sure that you can handle these relationships and that they will be healthy ones in the long run.

Consider all of these things when you are wondering if you are ready to remarry again. If you feel confident about all of your answers, then you are off of a great start.

How-to Define Your Identity After Divorce

During the separation period, or even after the divorce, you may feel like you do not even know who you are anymore. You likely defined yourself as being a husband or a wife, and part of a unit, but now you just feel alone. However, you do not need to feel this way. While it may be a confusing time of trying to find yourself, take these steps to help define your identity after divorce.

How-to Define Your Identity After Divorce: Finding Yourself

Be Yourself

It is important to remember that before you were married and considered to be a part of a couple, you were just simply you. With that in mind, you were still you during your marriage. That does not change after divorce either. The things that made you special, still make you special. You are not defined by your martial status, or who you are (or are not) married to. Try and dig deep and remember the things that make you tick. What activities you like, what brings you joy, what makes you sad.

So many people lose themselves in a relationship. While it is good to work towards having things in common with your spouse, you do not want to become your spouse. However, even if you fell into this trap, you can still find yourself again. Start by journaling your feelings, interests and dislikes. Really explore these thoughts, and start to remember who you are. This is a great first step in defining your identity after divorce.

Change is Okay

In the same way, know that it is okay that if you find you have changed over time. You enjoyed certain things before you ever got married. However, that does not mean that you have love the same things when you are single again. You have grown up, and your tastes and desires may have changed. Plus, you have lived and experienced things. Therefore, do not expect your identity to be the same after divorce as it was before you were married.

If you need help with this, do not be afraid to go to therapy or talk with someone. This entire process can be emotionally challenging and draining, and you are not the first person to feel this way. Over time, you will see that you start to carve out your own routines and your own life, creating your very own identity. Before you know it, you will feel comfortable just being yourself.

How-to Successfully Move Post-Divorce

Following your divorce, it may be tempting to move somewhere new to get a “fresh start.” However, it may not be all that easy to move post-divorce. As such, it’s good to know what steps you can take to improve your chances of success…

How-to Successfully Move Post-Divorce: Helpful Steps

Consider why you want to move

Before you get your move officially underway, it’s important to consider why exactly you want to move post-divorce. There’s a lot of reasons as to why someone may say they want to move. Some want to start over somewhere new away from where their divorce took place. Others believe that there will be better opportunities for them to start doing what they really love instead.

Still, ask yourself if you really need to move in order to do this. Remember, you can make a lot of those positive changes even if you don’t move. You may also need to make extra considerations about your kids if you’re a co-parent.  You’ll only want to move when you’re certain that it’ll be best for you.

Budget ahead of time

Should you decide to move post-divorce, then you’ll want to start working on a budget. Moving isn’t always cheap, especially if you’re going out-of-state. This can make things a bit complicated when coming off of a divorce. Therefore, it’s good to ensure your finances can handle a move.

Consider not just the expected costs, like down payments or rent, but also any additional living costs as well. This can include extra fees, or things like new furniture, utilities, etc. You’ll also want to factor in moving costs, like moving truck rentals, movers, and gas for longer trips.

Talk to the kids

If you’re a single parent, then one of the hardest things can be getting your kids ready for a move post-divorce. The divorce itself already may have caused a lot of change for them. Now, they may have to leave behind things like the school and friends that they were familiar with.

One way to help your kids deal with this, especially if they’re older, is by getting them involved. Ask them for their thoughts of where they’d like to move, or what they’d want out of a school or community. You should also encourage them to keep in touch with their old friends. This will help them feel like an active part of the move, instead of just an unwilling participant.

How-to Find Work Motivation When Divorcing

Divorce can be a draining process, and as such, it can be hard to find motivation to do other things. In particular, your work motivation can really suffer. Therefore, it’s helpful to know what you can do to keep yourself going when you’re at your job…

How-to Find Work Motivation When Divorcing: Useful Methods

Divorce and work

Divorce tends to have a negative effect on people’s work motivation for a couple reasons. First, it tends to take up a lot of their attention. Even when they aren’t handling divorce matters, it will stay on their mind, along with what’ll happen afterwards. This can make it hard for them to really focus on their work like they usually would.

There’s also the fact that divorce can impact your current schedule. Different developments may require you to either take time off of work or limit the amount of free time you have. When you’re constantly wondering what new thing may pop up and how you’ll need to react to it, your work may take a backseat.

Be upfront

When you’re working about your divorce at work, your work motivation will take a hit. Therefore, it’s good to let your boss or manager know what’s going on. Being upfront and honest about what you’re going through and how it may impact you isn’t a bad thing. Instead, they’ll be more inclined to help you out in order to keep you motivated at work.

For instance, they may recognize you need some more flexibility in your schedule. Or, you may not be able to do projects solo like you could before. When your boss or manager is aware of your divorce, they can help make accommodations which will solve these problems.

Take care of yourself

A large part of maintaining work motivation comes down to what you do outside of work. If you don’t have a good work-life balance, then it becomes a lot harder to want to work at all. Add in your divorce, and now this can become a serious struggle. In fact, many people may end up leaving their jobs because they feel so overwhelmed.

That’s why it’s important you still find some time for yourself when you aren’t working. While your divorce is a priority, you can’t let it totally take over your life. Rather, you need to be able to still relax to manage your anxieties, even if it means taking a few days off to do so.

How-to Tell Others About Your Divorce: Hard Convos

If you are going through a divorce or just got through a divorce, you will have to start to tell others about your divorce. It may feel intimidating or even embarrassing to have this conversation. However, you should not let it feel overwhelming. Take these steps to feel better about having this difficult conversation.

How-to Tell Others About Your Divorce: Steps to Take

Portrayal

When you are starting to tell others about your divorce, you will have to think about how much or how little you want to tell people. You can also decide how you want to portray your divorce. If you are having a nasty, angry divorce, you can decide how much information you want to share about that. You can also channel how you want your divorce is going. For example, you can say to people “I want to have a peaceful, smooth divorce”. It is your story to tell, so you can decide how much you are comfortable with telling people.

Family and Friends

Once you’ve decided what you want to tell others about your divorce, it will them come time to tell people. You will probably tell your friends and family first. Of course, they were probably really excited when you told them you were getting married, so they may have the opposite feelings when you tell them you are getting a divorce (unless your spouse is absolutely terrible).

If it is an amicable divorce, it may be okay to break the news to your friends and family together. However, if the divorce is bitter, it may be better to tell them separately. Otherwise, you may get into an argument during the conversation. This could make your friends and family feel very uncomfortable.

Work

You will likely have to talk with your corkers and boss when you start to tell others about your divorce. The advantage to doing this is that your boss may be more understanding and flexible if you have to take time off or leave for appointments such as going to therapy or to meet with a lawyer.

Tread carefully when you start to break the news to co-workers though. While some of them may be your friends, others may not want to know every detail of your life.

When it’s time to start to tell others about your divorce, keep these tips in mind. That will make your difficult conversation go a little bit smoother. Figure out what you want to say, and then start by telling friends and family, and then possibly people at your work too.

How-to Work Through Arguments: Conflict Resolution

Arguments can be either beneficial or toxic for relationships. This wide difference all depends on how you manage them. A healthy argument can air out issues and leave both parties in a better place than they started. An unhealthy argument can lead to resentment, further anger, and a divide. Whether you are irritated with a friend or going through a divorce, there are ways to do so peacefully. It is really important to be able to work through arguments in a healthy way.

How-to Work Through Arguments: Have a Healthy Disagreement

Communicate

A big helper in managing arguments is to just make sure to communicate with the other person. If you let things build up and up, one day you will likely explode and have a huge argument. If something is bothering you, just talk to the other person about it so that it does not keep brewing inside of you. However, make sure that you address issues with your them in a kind manner. Do not attack them with the issue you want to bring up. Instead, do so in a non- accusatory manner. Have tact and think through your approach. This will help you work through arguments together, and keep them small before they blow up.

Listen

The next step in how you can work through arguments is to make sure and listen to the other person. If you do not hear out their side, they will get even more upset at you. Plus, if you listen to them, you may actually discover that they have legitimate reasons to be upset and end the argument. If the disagreement is in person, make sure to put down your phone, look at them, and show that you are paying attention.

If they are telling you that they do not think you are listening or paying attention, ask for clarification. Perhaps they are misunderstanding your communication style and you could adjust that so that they feel heard and listened to.

Apologize

Another part of being able to work through arguments is to learn how to apologize. Learn how to say that you are sorry. Figure out the best way to do so for the person you are in a disagreement with, as everyone has different communication styles and love languages. It does not have to be anything over the top, but personalizing an apology will go a long way!

Also, be sure that it is a sincere apology. People can tell when you do not truly want to apologize. Make sure it is not a back-handed apology that has a hidden jab in it. This will help you to be better at managing any arguments you have.