How to Tell Your Children About Your Divorce

Figuring out how to tell your children about your divorce might be one of the hardest conversations you can imagine. It’s important to use age-appropriate language and make sure that they understand as much as they need to. If your children are very young, babies or toddlers, you’ll need to remember their developmental ages when telling them. Similarly, even though elementary-age children have more vocabulary, it’s still hard for them to grasp adult topics like this. Middle schoolers are prone to anger and moodiness already, and a divorce can make this even worse. And finally, high schoolers and beyond are luckily more able to process their feelings, but will probably still need some guidance. Whenever and however you choose to tell your children about your divorce, make sure that you keep their age in mind.

How to Tell Your Children About Your Divorce: An Age Guide

Babies and Toddlers

If you want to tell your children about your divorce and they are very young, you’ll need to use language that they understand. Young babies and toddlers don’t really understand what is going on. However, they might realize that one parent is gone now. Reassure them that the parent didn’t leave them, but rather the grownups are dealing with grown-up issues. Reassure them that both parents still love them very much.

Elementary

If you want to tell your children about your divorce and they are at an elementary age, they are more able to process what divorce means. However, they’re still unlikely to fully understand all the implications. Children this age are very prone to blaming themselves. It’s incredibly important to reassure them that the divorce has nothing to do with them and that they are very loved by both parents. You’ll want to reassure them frequently about this.

Middle School

Middle schoolers are often already moody and angry as young teenagers. If you tell your children about your divorce at this age, you’re likely to see some added moodiness. Young teens often have a hard time opening up about their feelings to their parents. It might be a good idea to set them up with a counselor or therapist who can help guide them through their feelings while they process the news. Kids this age are also very prone to blaming one parent over the other. You’ll still want to reassure them that they are in no way to blame for the divorce.

High School and Beyond

If you want to tell your children about your divorce and they are older, high school, college, or adults, you’ll at least know that they understand truly what it means. However, just because they are fellow adults doesn’t mean that they need to hear any dirty laundry. Whatever the issues are between you and your ex, they need to stay there. Try not to involve your children any more than is necessary. Even though they are older, it is still unfair to encourage them to take sides in a divorce. The decision to tell your children about your divorce is a difficult one. But no matter their age, they deserve to hear it directly from you and your partner in a face-to-face meeting. Stay calm when telling them, give them plenty of time to process, and answer any questions. Whether you are telling a young preschooler, elementary schooler, middle schooler, high schooler, college student, or adult you’ll want to keep their age and development in mind. Keep things as simple as you can while bearing in mind the ways that children their age process things. No matter what their age is, you’ll need to reassure them that the divorce was not their fault. And of course, no matter your children’s age, they always need to be told that they are loved.

What to Look for In a Divorce Therapist

When looking for a divorce therapist to help you cope with the stress of your marriage ending, there are a lot of things to consider. You’ll want to find somebody that is successful, professional, and whom you feel comfortable with. You’ll want to decide some things upfront, for example, who you think would be a good fit for you. In addition, you might ask for references from friends. But keep your options open until you find a good fit. Ask about their credentials and make sure that they are licensed professionals. And finally, make sure that the person is a good fit for you and that you feel comfortable with them. Hopefully, you’ll be able to find a therapist who is a great match for you and who can help you deal with your divorce.

What to Look for In a Divorce Therapist: Find a Good Match for You

Make Some Decisions Upfront

Before you begin looking for a divorce therapist, you might want to make a few decisions upfront. For example, you might decide that you’d prefer somebody of your own gender or close to the same age. If you’d like somebody that will guide you according to specific religious preferences you might want to decide that upfront as well. If these things are important to you, then you can search for therapists in your area and weed through some options up front.

Ask for References But Keep Your Options Open

It’s always a good idea to ask for references when searching for anything, including therapists. However, don’t feel obligated to use a specific divorce therapist just because a friend of yours highly recommends them. Just because they are a good fit for somebody else might not make them a good fit for you. Keep your options open when speaking with different therapists and don’t forget that you can always change to a new one if things aren’t working out.

Ask About Credentials

You should also ask to know the credentials of any divorce therapist that you speak with. Ask them what their training and experience are like. You should make sure that they are licensed, mental health professionals. This is the difference between a licensed therapist and a life coach. In addition, ask them how they’ve treated patients who have similar goals to your own.

Find a Good Fit

Finally, when interviewing or meeting with different counselors, make sure that you feel comfortable with them. You need to be able to trust your divorce therapist as well as listen to them. You and they will form a close relationship known as a “therapeutic alliance.” The success of your therapy depends wholeheartedly on the strength of your alliance with your counselor. The more you can trust them and be open with them, the more you’ll get out of therapy.

Finding a divorce therapist can be a little overwhelming when you first go looking. However, it’s important to take your time and find somebody that is a good match for you. Decide upfront if you’d like to look for a therapist of a specific gender, religious background, technique, or age. Ask for references but always keep your options open until you find a good fit. Ask about their credentials and ask about their success with other patients like you. And finally, make sure that you wait until you find somebody that is a good fit and that you will actually listen to. You’ll need to establish a strong bond with them to get the most out of therapy. Hopefully, you can find a divorce therapist who will be a great match for you and who can help you work through the feelings that you might have about your breakup.

Divorce Parties: Things to Consider

Divorce parties are a relatively new phenomenon that is gaining popularity. Divorces can be stressful and contentious. If you are getting out of a painful divorce, why not celebrate your newfound freedom? Well, there are a few things to keep in mind before heading out on the town. Your budget will dictate what kind of party you can afford. Your emotional state is obviously a huge factor as well. And if you are planning on co-parenting with your ex, you’ll need to keep that in mind as well. However, there’s nothing wrong with celebrating the end of a very stressful period in your life.

Divorce Parties: Things to Consider When Celebrating Your Freedom

Why?

Divorce parties have been increasing in popularity in recent decades. Divorce is unfortunately all too common. Divorces can look many different ways. For example, some couples part ways in a friendly manner. But some divorces are painful and contentious. Exes become resentful and try to hurt one another as much as possible. The uglier the divorce, the more you might be tempted to throw a celebration when it’s completely over. If you’re considering having a divorce party, make sure that your divorce is completely final before doing so. Divorce parties can be as simple as a few friends at dinner, or an all-out bachelor-style vacation with friends.

Your Budget

One major consideration when deciding whether or not you’d like to throw a divorce party is your budget. Divorces can be very expensive. In addition, you might be working on a shoestring budget. You might be used to living with two incomes and are now fending for yourself or paying child support or alimony. If this is the case, throwing a big to-do might not be the most financially wise thing to do. Divorce parties don’t have to involve a trip to Vegas: you could still celebrate by having a nice dinner with a few friends.

Your Emotional State

Divorce parties also depend a lot on your emotional state after your divorce. Some couples go through such an ugly divorce that they are cheering at the end of it. If you and your ex-spouse have been arguing and trying to get revenge on one another, you probably will be in the mood to celebrate. However, if you’re feeling emotional about your divorce, you might not be so keen. Some couples really view divorce as a tragedy and grieve it becoming final. If this is the way you view your divorce, don’t feel pressured to have a divorce party where you need to pretend you’re glad it’s over.

Your Relationship with Your Ex

One final thing to consider if you’re debating a divorce party is your future with your ex. A divorce party where the entire focus is on bashing your ex-spouse could end up hurting them. If you need to maintain a friendly relationship with them for the sake of co-parenting, this might backfire. If you’re trying to maintain a friendly relationship with your ex for the sake of your kids, instead of throwing a party to celebrate being done with them, instead celebrate being done with the stress of the actual divorce process itself. Divorce parties can be low-key and non-retaliatory. Divorce parties might be a fun way to celebrate the end of a stressful time in your life. If you and your ex have had an ugly and painful breakup, a divorce party might be just the thing to help you mark the occasion. Consider what your budget should be post-divorce as this will impact how extravagant your party can be. In addition, consider how you’re feeling emotionally. If you’re feeling sad about your divorce, you may not be in the mood to throw a party. And finally, consider how your relationship with your ex needs to be moving forward. If you need to remain friendly for the sake of co-parenting, it’s best to keep things low-key. However, if you’re in the mood to celebrate, go for it! A divorce party can be a great way to get closure and set yourself up for a fresh start.

Organize for Your Divorce: Be Prepared

It’s a good idea to organize for your divorce before it even starts. A divorce is an intense process. It can take a very long time and involves a lot of paperwork. It’s a good idea to go ahead and start preparing in advance so that you aren’t scrambling to find things later. Get together a list of contacts and documents that you might need. It’s also a good idea to organize your bank accounts and know what is in each of them and who’s names they are in. You should have a list of your assets both personal and marital. And finally, it’s a good idea to go ahead and have a general idea of what kind of childcare schedule might work for you after the divorce is final. Hopefully, being organized at the outset of the divorce can help it be a smoother process for you.

Organize for Your Divorce: Be Prepared Before It Starts

Comprise A List of Contacts

One thing you’ll need when you organize for your divorce is a list of contacts and documents. You will obviously need to find a divorce attorney. But you might also need to speak to a financial advisor and some other professionals. A realtor can give you advice about your living situation. And if you have children, it’s good to get a list of potential childcare providers ready. You will likely have a lot of court appearances and meetings to get to and might need to call in a babysitter periodically.

Organize Documents

The next thing to organize for your divorce is legal documents. Get a folder so that you can keep things separated. You’ll probably want to keep a place for emails with your attorney and your spouse. You might need to show bank statements, bills, loan documents, and others. You might also need copies of things like your marriage license and birth certificate. Find a way to organize all of this so that you don’t get flustered when asked to produce any paperwork.

Organize Finances

You’ll also need to organize your finances when you go to organize for your divorce. You should have a list of bank accounts as well as a list of who controls each and know the rough balances. You should also know all of your various loans, including mortgage info, credit card info, and any student loans. It’s a good idea to make a list of your assets, both your personal and marital assets.

Potential Calendar

Finally, one last thing that you can try to organize for your divorce is your schedule. You might not really know exactly how the child custody arrangement is going to work out. However, you can still get a school calendar and have some idea of which holidays and events you’d like to make sure and be a part of. You can also look at your work calendar and highlight any days that you will be out of pocket. That way you can ensure that you won’t need to be in court during those times. It’s always a good idea to organize your divorce before it even starts. That way you won’t be scrambling to find documents or hire a babysitter spur of the moment. This can just lead to some added stress. And when going through a divorce, extra stress is the last thing you need. Organize your contact list for people you might need to interact with during the divorce. It’s also a good idea to organize your legal documents and finances. And finally, try to plan out your calendar in advance so that you have some idea of what you’d like your custody schedule to look like. Hopefully, getting organized before your divorce even starts will make the whole process smoother and quicker for you.