Parental Help: Providing Support During Divorce

Divorce is going to be hard for any couple, but it’ll be especially rough on your children. Due to this, they might need some extra parental help. Doing so can help make divorce easier for them to handle, and in effect make it easier for you and your ex too…

Parental Help: Make Divorce Easier

Talk to them

It might seem obvious, but talking to your kids is one way to give them the parental help they need. Open communication is crucial for explaining to them what’s going on. Be sure to tell them that what’s going on isn’t their fault, so they don’t feel like they did something wrong.

Also, it’s okay to talk to them about what might change. Your kids will appreciate you being honest with them and can get prepared for those changes this way. Make sure to still talk to them about things like school and sports. This helps them see you still care about them, even with the divorce going on.

Talk respectfully to your ex

Depending on why you’re divorcing, you may feel pretty negatively towards your ex. This can make it very tempting to talk poorly to or about them. However, you don’t want to do this around your kids. In fact, being respectful is another form of parental help.

Talking poorly about your ex to your kids isn’t going to make them “pick your side.” Rather, it’ll just confuse them and make the situation worse. Instead, keep things civil when you need to talk to your ex. Don’t forget the saying “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”

Spend time together

One of the best forms of parental help is spending time with your kids. While your family may look a bit different, you’re still a family nonetheless. That’s why it’s key you help your kids feel like that family still exists.

Be sure to spend time with your kids like you normally would. Eat dinner together, watch movies, play games, and attend events they have at school. Be sure you also encourage them to also spend similar time with their other parent too!

Divorce Health Issues: Avoiding a Decline

Divorce can affect a lot of areas of your life, even when it’s over. Something you should be especially aware of are divorce health issues. These issues are best addressed early on, which is why it’s crucial to recognize the signs…

Divorce Health Issues: What To Watch

Mental health

Your mental health is one area where divorce health issues can pop up. Divorce tends to cause a lot of stress, as you try to juggle the process itself and the rest of your life. It can also bring about a lot of uncertainty over what your life will be like when the divorce is finished. These can cause pretty high levels of anxiety.

Depression is also a common health issue. Usually, this is due to feeling like a failure after your divorce. It could also be caused by self-esteem issues which arise post-divorce. Seeking out professional help early on can prevent these issues from getting worse.

Weight change

Weight change is also another common divorce health issue. For some, they might find themselves eating too much after their divorce. This is because of how eating “comfort foods”, like their name implies, makes them feel better. However, many of these choices are unhealthy, leading to weight gain.

Other times, a person may not eat enough. They might experience a loss of appetite, and barely eat as much as they should. This can cause them to rapidly lose an unhealthy amount of weight. Ultimately, following a healthy balanced diet can prevent these problems and make you feel better with more energy.

Sleep problems

Many divorce health issues can impact or be related to sleep. Insomnia, for example, tends to be a common issue for many. Others might struggle to sleep consistently through the night, and constantly wake up. A lack of sleep can then lead to issues with one’s mental and physical health.

Too much sleep can also be unhealthy as well. Usually, a desire to sleep constantly can be a sign of depression. Plus, you’ll also prevent yourself from reaching post-divorce goals if you’re sleeping all the time. Avoiding things like caffeine, and going to sleep consistently at proper times can help you get the right amount of sleep.

Individual Therapy: Emotional Impact of Divorce

Before your divorce, you may have tried out couples counseling to address the issues you were facing. However, now that you are divorcing, it may be good to seek out individual therapy. You might be hesitant, based on experiences in the past. But, there are a few benefits you might find by doing so…

Individual Therapy: Potential Benefits

Extra support

When divorcing, a strong support system is very important. For most people, this means leaning on their friends and family. Still, you may need a bit of extra help during this time. That’s one of the potential benefits you can get from individual therapy.

A therapist is able to provide you with professional support that friends or family can’t. This is especially helpful if you’re experiencing some strong negative emotions. A therapist can help you to understand how you feel, and come up with ways to get your mind in a better place.

Honest opinion

Individual therapy can also give you some much-needed honest feedback. While your friends and family may want to help you, they may also give you some biased feedback. This could involve them blaming your spouse for all the things which went wrong, even if that isn’t entirely true. As a result, your own decision making could get influenced in a negative way.

However, a therapist will be able to provide you with honest feedback. They’ll be able to let you know where you may have made mistakes in your marriage as well. While it may be painful, it’ll ultimately be better for you in the long run. Not only will it help clear up your decision making, but it’ll also improve your future relationships.

Help your family

If you have kids, then you’ll know divorce can also be pretty tough on them too. Understandably, you’ll want to help them, but may not know exactly what to do. This is another area where individual therapy can come in handy.

A therapist can help explain what your kids may be feeling during this time. They can also work with you to come up with ways to help them, and protect them from the divorce process. Even if you’re angry at your ex, you’ll be able to ensure your kids remain okay.

Education Post-Divorce

When your divorce is over, you might be wondering what to do next. It could be worth it to consider continuing your education post-divorce. While going back to school may seem like a hassle, there are some serious benefits you can get from it…

Education Post-Divorce: Benefits of Change

Learn new skills

One good reason to pursue education post-divorce is that it’ll teach you new skills. Usually, divorce tends to make a mess of your previous financial plans. This could leave you wanting to make some advancements in your career. One good way to do this is by heading back to school.

Furthering your education will help you learn new skills which can give you an advantage. For example, communication and strategic planning are just a couple of the highly-desired skills that can help improve your work ability. By showing your employer your new skills, you’ll be more likely to end up in a better-paying position.

Find something new

Still, what if you’re unhappy with the job you currently have? Or, what if you need to reenter the workplace after a long absence? Some education post-divorce can help with this as well. More education will make transitioning into new fields much easier than they would be otherwise.

By furthering your education, you’re getting yourself more familiar with the key skills your new field values. That way, it’ll help your resume stand out more compared to others. Plus, this can also be a great time to learn new skills which weren’t around when you first graduation, such as Microsoft Office.

Consider your schedule

If you want to further your education post-divorce, then make sure to find a schedule which works your you. School work, on top of adjusting to your divorce, can be a lot to take on at once. For some people, they end up overwhelming themselves and struggle immensely with the demands of school, work, and other personal matters.

One thing which is useful are online classes. Many schools will allow you to take courses online rather than in-person. That way, you can tackle the workload at your own pace. This can be especially helpful if your schedule is constantly changing, or if you live further away from campuses.

Divorce Frustration: Wiping the Slate Clean

Divorce isn’t always a smooth and stress-free process. This can cause you a lot of divorce frustration. Still, it’s not good to let that frustration get in your way. Rather, you’ll want to take a moment and try to re-focus…

Divorce Frustration: How To Re-Focus

Stop and breathe

Divorce frustration tends to have a bit of a snowball effect. Once something gets you upset, it’ll feel like every other inconvenience will just add onto it. This can leave you feeling immensely frustrated and pretty angry too. This could cause you to act a bit irrationally, which could lead to you making a mistake.

Therefore, when you feel that frustration coming, take a moment to stop and breathe. If you’re able to calm yourself down ahead of time, then you can avoid the massive headache that can come with being frustrated. Plus, being in a calm state of mind helps you see the situation more clearly and pick the best decision.

Consider what you can control

A lot of divorce frustration also comes from things outside of your control. For instance, you might get frustrated at something your ex says or does to you. However, you can’t control how someone will act or what they can say. Instead, you can only control what you do and say.

As a result, don’t get frustrated over things you can’t control. While you can’t control what your ex says or does, you can control how you’ll respond to them. If you respond in a better fashion, you can make them realize their actions won’t get to you. This can help you immensely as the divorce goes on.

Consider a different approach

You can also experience divorce frustration if your view is too narrow. Many people set themselves on something and refuse to change their minds. For example, say you have a specific custody agreement in mind, and your ex disagrees. If you aren’t able to consider different approaches, then you’re going to get frustrated.

On the other hand, if you’re willing to compromise and work with them, you can both avoid frustration. Therefore, don’t be afraid to consider a different perspective. After all, it could be even better than what you had thought of!

Controlling Spouse: Signs of Abuse

One thing which is important to remember is that an abusive relationship doesn’t just have to be physical. Emotional abuse is very serious, and commonly comes in the form of a controlling spouse. Knowing some indicators of this attempted control can help you better see if they’re reflected in your own marriage…

Controlling Spouse: Potential Signs

Social isolation

One thing a controlling spouse might do is isolate you socially. People who try and control others are keen to try and limit their time spent with others. This is because they might be jealous, or worry others will threaten their control over you. Due to this, they’ll try and cut them out of your life.

This isolation can apply to both your friends and family. It might start off slowly, like with them getting annoyed when you go out with friends or see family. Eventually, it could escalate into them telling you that you can’t go out at all. When this starts happening, it’s a clear sign they’re trying to control you.

Manipulating emotions

A controlling spouse also tends to be emotionally manipulative. They may do this in a few different ways. One way is by constantly criticizing you in an effort to lower your self-esteem, while making acceptance conditional. For example, they may only give you praise when you do something specifically for them.

Guilt-tripping is also another way they might manipulate you. They’ll do this by making you feel guilty for things you do, even if they aren’t wrong or are outside of your control. If you feel emotionally beholden to them, then they can really begin to control you.

Privacy invasion

Privacy invasion is also something a controlling spouse will do. They want to keep tabs on what you’re doing at all times, leaving you with no sense of privacy. They could try and track your social media activity, or constantly call and text asking where you are. Sometimes, they may even go through your phone or computer when you aren’t looking.

Not only does this show their controlling nature, but it also shows they don’t trust you. Mutual trust is important for any relationship. A lack of trust, combined with this sort of control, indicates potential future problems.

Divorce News: Making a Plan

It can be hard to bring up divorce with your spouse. However, it can be even harder to break the divorce news to your kids. With how traumatic divorce can be for them, you want to make sure it goes as smoothly as possible…

Divorce News: Telling The Kids

Tell them together

When breaking divorce news to your kids, it’s important you and your spouse tell them together. In effect, you’ll both want to maintain a united front. After all, you kids aren’t going to know what you know about the divorce or who suggested it. Doing it together helps tell them you’re still working together.

Also, this avoids sending them any mixed messages. If you tell them first, and your partner does later, it could confuse your kids. Plus, you won’t know what your partner could say. Doing this together is good for making sure you’re both on the same page.

Wait for a good time

Another thing to remember when breaking divorce news to the kids is that timing is key. You don’t want to decide on a divorce, and then immediately tell the kids. You’ll also want to avoid telling them when they’re already angry or upset due to something else. Instead, you should make sure the time is right.

Wait until you and your spouse are sure you’ll divorce, and have some kind of plan set in place. Then, be sure to tell the kids somewhere they feel comfortable, and when they aren’t already emotional. This will help ensure the potential shockisn’t made worse by outside factors.

Know what to tell them

Of course, if you’re breaking divorce news, you should know what exactly you’re going to say. Your kids don’t need all the specific details of what went wrong. Most of it probably won’t make sense to them, especially if they’re younger. Rather, you should give them reassurance and a plan for the future.

Be sure that your kids know they aren’t responsible for the divorce, and that you both still love them. This reassurance is important for helping them start to process what’s going on. Then, tell them what might be happening in the future. If they know what to expect, then it’ll be easier for them to prepare emotionally.

Second Marriage Divorce

Getting remarried can be exciting, but for a lot of couples, it’ll end in divorce again. There’s a few different reasons behind second marriage divorce. Knowing the reasons can help you see where most of these second attempts go wrong…

Second Marriage Divorce: Why They Occur

Marrying for the wrong reasons

One common reason for second marriage divorce is when people get married for the wrong reasons. After a divorce, people tend to feel pretty lonely and have low self-esteem. This can make them cling onto the first person who shows them any interest.

A person might do this, despite not knowing this other person all to well. However, due to not wanting to be alone, they may try and rush into a new marriage, thinking they’re in love. Eventually, the reality sets in, and they realize things aren’t going to work out.

Issues from the past

Baggage from the previous marriage is also a common reason for second marriage divorce. Understandably, getting divorced is going to have a bit of an impact. For example, it might make you reluctant to open up to your partner. Or, you might constantly worry that they’re going to cheat on you.

This baggage can make it hard for a second marriage to succeed. If you’re constantly doubting or hiding things from your partner, they’re going to feel like you don’t appreciate or trust them. This can eventually reach the point where another divorce is on the horizon.

Experience from before

Previous divorce experience can make a second marriage divorce more likely to occur. The thing is, if you’ve divorced already, then you know what it’s like. Odds are, you’ve learned some pretty important lessons about what you should or shouldn’t do. This can make the process not that scary anymore.

Therefore, if your new marriage isn’t going how you like, then you won’t be as afraid of divorce like you were in the past. Instead, you know what you need to do and how to get through it in one piece. Rather than being stuck in another bad marriage, you’ll be more willing to cut it off and keep looking.