How-to Manage Divorce Anxiety

Divorce can be a very stressful time for you. All the uncertainty can result in a lot of divorce anxiety. Therefore, it’s good to know what you can do to manage this anxiety in a healthy manner so you can be at ease when it’s all over

How-to Manage Divorce Anxiety: Helpful Steps

Do some organizing

A big reason behind people’s divorce anxiety is that they worry about not having everything that they need. There are a lot of different things which’ll be important for your divorce. Not having something you need or having the wrong thing can delay your divorce unnecessarily. This can all start to make a person feel pretty anxious.

That’s why it’s good to take some time and get organized. Ideally, it’s best to do this before your divorce even begins. Still, even if you didn’t do that, find some time now to get everything you’ll need together. That way, when you do have to find something such as a document, you’ll know exactly where to look.

Talk to others

Keeping your feelings of divorce anxiety to yourself can end up making them get worse. When you bottle those worries up, they end up being all your brain can think about. As such, it’s easy to get stuck in a rut where you just feel anxious all the time.

Talking to others about how you feel can help to alleviate some of this anxiety. By letting others know how you feel, you can get that anxiety off your chest and receive some helpful advice in the process. Aside from talking to friends and family, speaking to a therapist can help you figure out where your anxiety is coming from and how you can address it.

Pick up a hobby

It’s good to give your divorce the attention that it deserves. However, focusing too much on it can make your divorce anxiety worse. Eventually, you’re going to need something which can take your mind off of things. A great way to do that is by finding a hobby.

Having a hobby gives you an outlet for all that anxiety and stress. Plus, it can also allow for you to meet new people and make new friends. Try to find something which you find relaxing yet interesting, and soon you’ll notice that you won’t feel as anxious as you did beforehand.

How-to Perform Good Divorce Prep

When you decide to get a divorce, you won’t want to rush into things blindly. Rather, you’ll want to take the time to practice good divorce prep. Doing the prep work now will help to make things a lot easier for you in the future…

How-to Perform Good Divorce Prep: Useful Steps

Gather documents

Having the right types of documents is key for your divorce process. As such, you should start gathering these documents as part of your divorce prep. In particular, financial documents are going to be very helpful. Things like tax returns, W-2s, credit card and bank statements, and other similar documents will be quite handy to have.

Still, it’s one thing to just get your documents. You should also be sure that you organize them too. It might be a little tedious to do, and not always an easy task. However, taking the time to do so now is better than trying to do so when the divorce is underway.

Set up your finances

Divorce can be a bit of an expensive matter. Therefore, it’s good to prepare your finances as part of your divorce prep as well. After all, many people experience some financial stress both during and after their divorce. Preparing ahead of time can help reduce or get rid of this stress altogether.

It’s helpful to try and come up with a general budget to figure out where your finances are currently. With this, you can start to add in some potential divorce costs and see the effects. Should your budget begin to show signs of trouble, then you’ll know to start preparing. Limiting your spending and setting more money aside can help you make it out of your divorce in good financial shape.

Breaking the news

While divorce is a personal matter, you’ll eventually have to let those close to you know about your plans. This can be a pretty stressful task, especially if you’re worried about how others may react. Taking some time to plan how you’ll break the news now as part of your divorce prep can make this process a bit easier for you.

Try to come up with a general “script” you’ll use when you’re bringing up your divorce to others. For those close to you, you can go into a bit more detail as they’ll be a source of support to you. Should you have kids, then it’s especially good to plan how you’ll let them know what’s going on.

Staying Friends with Your Ex: Post Divorce

Not all divorces have to end poorly. It is possible to stay friends with your ex after a divorce. This may not be an immediate instant thing, but it is possible. However, you have many memories and experiences together, and know each other in a way that nobody else does. Just because you are no longer a romantic couple doesn’t mean you have to lose the great friendship you once had. This may be easier for some parties than others, and impossible for some all together.

Staying Friends with Your Ex: Tips

Time

The first key to staying friends with your ex is time. Divorce is never easy, no matter who initiated it. You may need time to heal and forgive. Give yourself time to work through your feelings. This could range from anger, sadness, denial, disgust, self-pity, or relief. It is important to take the time to grieve the loss of the relationship. Do not be afraid to cry. Have a girls night, or talk with someone about the feelings you are having.

Move Slowly

Do not expect it to be a quick process when trying to stay friends with your ex. Just because you want to be friends does not mean that relationship has to start as soon as the divorce papers are signed. You have to move at a pace that is right for both you and your partner. Remember, there was a reason that one of you broke things off in the first place.

If you are co-parenting, there is the chance for a family together to allow the new friendship to develop. For example, you could schedule family activities together like game night or weekly dinner together. Just take baby steps.

No Intimacy

Intimacy could complicate things. Just because you are wanting to stay friends with your ex does not open the door for intimacy. Do not let yourself fall into the trap that it is okay because you have done it before when you were married. The hormone that is released from intimacy is called oxytocin, and connects you to someone on a deep, emotional level. This could make things complicated, and lead you down a path that you do not want to go down. If you want to just be friends, and not friends with benefits, with your ex, stay away from intimacy.

Build Trust

After everything that happened before and during the divorce, it may feel difficult to trust one another. However, trust is an important part to becoming friends with your ex. A good place to start rebuilding trust is to follow through on what you say you will do. You should also tell the truth, keep your promises, and not bad mouth your ex to other people.

While staying friends with your ex may seem like a lofty goal, it is certainly possible by just following these steps. Remember, it will take time and may be a slow process, but work on building trust and a friendship may come in time.

Finding Peace Post-Divorce

A divorce can end up leaving you pretty shaken up. As such, it’s not uncommon to feel uneasy, which can end up becoming unhealthy. Instead, it’s important to work on finding peace post-divorce. Doing so is key for surviving and thriving in your new post-divorce life…

Finding Peace Post-Divorce: Strike A Balance

Focus on yourself

Sometimes, it’s tough to spend time on yourself after your divorce. After all, you’ve got a lot of things which still need your attention. However, one of the most important things for finding peace post-divorce is being able to focus on yourself.

Think of it like investing for the future. If you take the time now to do some self-care, you’ll be able to move ahead more quickly in your post-divorce life. Plus, it helps that there’s such a wide variety of things you can do. Just taking a few minutes each day for yourself will really go a long way.

Check your diet

Making some dietary changes is also useful for finding peace post-divorce. Most people are aware that eating healthier can make them feel better. Still, when you’re stressed, it’s especially helpful to alter your diet just a bit.

For instance, things like caffeine, sugar, and refined carbs can cause spikes and crashes in your blood pressure, which leads to spikes in stress hormones. Meanwhile, eating a nutrient-dense diet of fruits, vegetables, and lean-proteins can help give you plenty of energy and boost your mood. You can also try out supplements but be sure to do some research beforehand.

Practice some mindfulness

Having a stressful divorce can make you feel a bit confused and frazzled. It can be tough to figure out what exactly your next move should be. Not only is this unpleasant, but it can really cause you to feel uneasy. That’s why it helps to be mindful when finding peace post-divorce.

Taking time to mediate is very beneficial. On top of helping to calm the nervous system, it can also reduce the negative effects of anxiety and depression. To get the most out of your efforts, most experts say to spend at least 15-20 minutes meditating during most days of the week.

Divorce Logistics: What To Consider

There’s a lot more to a divorce than you may initially think. In particular, you’ll need to consider some divorce logistics that you have to sort out. These factors will be important for making sure you can give your divorce the attention it needs…

Divorce Logistics: Important Elements

Place to stay

One important part of divorce logistics is where you will be staying. Some couples will decide to keep living in the same home while handling the divorce. Usually, this is because they can keep the peace and stay out of each other’s way. This makes it a lot easier for both parties to focus on the divorce.

However, you may not be able to do this. Instead, it may be the case that you need to find some other place to live. While an apartment may be the most apparent solution, you can also reach out to family too. Staying with family can help you save a bit of extra money, which is quite helpful.

Time off work

Your job is also going to be a divorce logistics factor. There’s going to be a lot of times when you’ll need to take care of something which falls on a workday. As such, you’ll need to ensure you can make the time for them by being able to take time off of work.

Most people will make use of things like vacation or sick days to do this. Still, it’s good to try and talk to your boss or supervisor about what’s going on. Many times, they’ll understand what you’re going through and the time you need to take care of it. So long as you can get your work done, they’ll probably be willing to help you out when you need to take some time off.

Watching the kids

Having kids can really change how you approach your divorce. They also are another thing that you need to factor some divorce logistics around. With both work and the divorce, you and your ex probably won’t be able to always watch the kids when needed.

Therefore, you want to make sure someone will be able to watch the kids when needed. Friends and family are great for this. If they can, they’ll usually try and help you out by watching your kids. Of course, well-reviewed babysitters are also good should your friends and family not be available.

Divorce Counseling: Different Types

A divorce can be a rather difficult experience. There’s a lot of different issues that you’ll need to take care of all at once. As such, it may help to seek out divorce counseling. This counseling can be a good source of support during this rougher time…

Divorce Counseling: Explore Your Options

How it helps

Divorce counseling can be beneficial for you in a number of ways. Most people tend to feel very uncertain and lost when faced with a divorce. They don’t know what they should be doing in order to prepare emotionally, especially in terms of processing those emotions. Others may struggle to figure out how to move forwards from this event.

A counselor can help you find some of the direction you need. They’ll have the tools and resources which can get your prepared for the emotions you’ll experience. Plus, they’ll also help you figure out what you’d like to do afterwards, and how to best go about achieving these new goals.

Pre-divorce

There’s two types of divorce counseling you can get. The first of these is pre-divorce counseling. This counseling is different from marriage counseling. Whereas marriage counseling helps couples who want to remain together, this is for a couple that wants to split but hasn’t started the process yet.

Here, a counselor will help you and your soon-to-be-ex learn how to properly communicate with one another. This will help make the entire process a lot easier for the both of you. Also, if you have kids, then you can also learn helpful ways to minimize the impact the divorce has on them.

Post-divorce

The other type of divorce counseling to try is post-divorce counseling. Like the name implies, this is for when your divorce is either about to be or already is over. Here, your counselor will help you navigate the grief and other emotions you feel and learn how to turn them into more positive ones instead.

You can also expect to develop some new goals and plans for your post-divorce life. It’s not uncommon for those who have been married for a while to struggle with figuring out what they will do next. A counselor can help you recover your identity and live the life you want.

Pets in a Divorce: Who Gets Them?

Since pets are like children, how do you determine who gets the pets in divorce? This is something that pet owners struggle with during a divorce. This is especially true if both spouses are very fond of the pets. This can be a tricky decision since emotions will be involved.

Pets in Divorce: How to Decide

Housing

Divorce typically leads to one or both spouses buying a new house or moving. One way to help you decide who gets the pets in divorce is to consider your housing situation. For example, if one person will have a small apartment, they may not have as much room for a pet. On the other hand, if one spouse will be living in a larger house with a big yard and fence, that may be a better situation for a dog.

Some apartments or rental situations do not allow for certain types of animals to live there. Make sure that you check those rules before making the decision on who gets to take the animals.

Moving Abroad

If one spouse is moving abroad, this could have an impact on who gets the pets in divorce. There are many rules and regulations about bringing pets into other countries. A pet may have to go through a lengthy quarantine or vaccination process in order to move abroad.

Caretaker

Take a good long look at who has been the pet’s primary caretaker over the years. This may have been a shared effort. However, there may have been one spouse who always took the pet to the vet or bought pet food. In the same way, there may have been someone who did more of walking the dog or scooping the kitty litter. Perhaps there is someone who the pet seems to bond better with or has spent more time with the animal. If so, this could be a deciding factor of who gets the pets in divorce.

Pet’s Best Interest

While deciding who gets the pets in divorce, try and have an objective look at what would be best for your pet. Try and keep your feelings out of it. Which living situation would be more comfortable for your pet? Or which spouse would take better care of the pet?

Emotional Consequences

If you end up being the one who ends up getting the pets in divorce, don’t rub it in. Be mindful and respectful of the other spouse’s feelings. On the other hand, the spouse who does not get the pet may feel heartbroken at the loss. There will likely be a grief process. Talk to a therapist or a friend if needed. Keep yourself busy.

Another option is to eventually consider adopting another animal. However, it may be best to take some time to process your emotions first. Don’t just jump into something. A good interim step would be to volunteer at a pet shelter or foster a pet.

Co-Parenting Positivity

Going through a divorce is pretty tough, especially if you have to transition into being a co-parent. This can make it hard to feel optimistic about the future. However, it’s key that you try and focus on some co-parenting positivity. Having a positive outlook will help make your experience a lot easier…

 Co-Parenting Positivity: Keep Optimistic

Consider what you’re thankful for

A great way to create some co-parenting positivity is by considering all the things you’re thankful for. It’s easy to focus on all the negatives after a divorce. While you didn’t plan for this situation, there’s still plenty of things you can appreciate.

For instance, you can be thankful that your kids are healthy and that you can still be a parent to them. You can also be grateful for the new opportunities you have following your divorce. When you feel down, take some time to reflect on what’s going good for you. This is a great way to avoid having negativity get into your co-parenting.

Take care of yourself

Keeping healthy is also another good way to maintain some co-parenting positivity. When we feel bad physically, we also tend to feel bad mentally. This can then make it harder for you to co-parent as well as you may like. Getting into some healthy habits can be handy for avoiding this.

Simple things like eating healthier and drinking more water can go a long way in improving your mood. Exercising and getting plenty of sleep will also do the same. You may wonder how this will help you co-parent. However, being well-rested and energized really helps you keep a positive attitude and clear mind.

Talk about what’s important

Communication is always important for any co-parenting plan. Still, what you talk about can be important for your co-parenting positivity. Talking about things unrelated to your kids, especially about your personal life, can quickly put you into a sour mood.

To avoid this, it helps to focus your talks solely on your kids. Keep your conversations brief, with the main topic being about how the kids are doing. After all, you both view your kids as important. Keeping your talks centered around them can help you feel positive and avoid arguments.