Organize for Your Divorce: Be Prepared

It’s a good idea to organize for your divorce before it even starts. A divorce is an intense process. It can take a very long time and involves a lot of paperwork. It’s a good idea to go ahead and start preparing in advance so that you aren’t scrambling to find things later. Get together a list of contacts and documents that you might need. It’s also a good idea to organize your bank accounts and know what is in each of them and who’s names they are in. You should have a list of your assets both personal and marital. And finally, it’s a good idea to go ahead and have a general idea of what kind of childcare schedule might work for you after the divorce is final. Hopefully, being organized at the outset of the divorce can help it be a smoother process for you.

Organize for Your Divorce: Be Prepared Before It Starts

Comprise A List of Contacts

One thing you’ll need when you organize for your divorce is a list of contacts and documents. You will obviously need to find a divorce attorney. But you might also need to speak to a financial advisor and some other professionals. A realtor can give you advice about your living situation. And if you have children, it’s good to get a list of potential childcare providers ready. You will likely have a lot of court appearances and meetings to get to and might need to call in a babysitter periodically.

Organize Documents

The next thing to organize for your divorce is legal documents. Get a folder so that you can keep things separated. You’ll probably want to keep a place for emails with your attorney and your spouse. You might need to show bank statements, bills, loan documents, and others. You might also need copies of things like your marriage license and birth certificate. Find a way to organize all of this so that you don’t get flustered when asked to produce any paperwork.

Organize Finances

You’ll also need to organize your finances when you go to organize for your divorce. You should have a list of bank accounts as well as a list of who controls each and know the rough balances. You should also know all of your various loans, including mortgage info, credit card info, and any student loans. It’s a good idea to make a list of your assets, both your personal and marital assets.

Potential Calendar

Finally, one last thing that you can try to organize for your divorce is your schedule. You might not really know exactly how the child custody arrangement is going to work out. However, you can still get a school calendar and have some idea of which holidays and events you’d like to make sure and be a part of. You can also look at your work calendar and highlight any days that you will be out of pocket. That way you can ensure that you won’t need to be in court during those times. It’s always a good idea to organize your divorce before it even starts. That way you won’t be scrambling to find documents or hire a babysitter spur of the moment. This can just lead to some added stress. And when going through a divorce, extra stress is the last thing you need. Organize your contact list for people you might need to interact with during the divorce. It’s also a good idea to organize your legal documents and finances. And finally, try to plan out your calendar in advance so that you have some idea of what you’d like your custody schedule to look like. Hopefully, getting organized before your divorce even starts will make the whole process smoother and quicker for you.

What to Include in a Prenup Agreement?

Many people might have strong feelings about a prenup agreement. Some believe it’s a great way to protect yourself before marriage and others find it un-romantic. If you do decide to move forward with a prenup you should make sure and define your personal vs marital assets. In addition, you should also define personal and marital debts. You can also choose to make provisions for children from an earlier marriage. And finally, you might choose to include a sunset provision that nullifies the prenup after a certain amount of years of marriage. If you do choose to ask for a prenup, make sure and speak with a knowledgeable attorney to make sure you are protecting yourself and your children.

What to include in a Prenup Agreement? How to Best Protect Yourself

Personal vs Marital Assets

One of the main reasons that people decide to get a prenup agreement is to define personal assets vs marital assets. If one partner is coming into a marriage with more wealth or assets, they may want to keep them separate. This would be different than money that you acquire during your marriage. This can also apply to things like family heirlooms. This is a way to ensure that specific items or money stay with you if the marriage ends.

Personal vs Marital Debts

Similar to personal and marital assets, many choose to get a prenup agreement to protect themselves from debt. If your partner is bringing a lot of debt into the marriage and you don’t want to risk being stuck with it during a divorce, you can specify this in a prenup. You would split any debts that you incurred together during the marriage equally if you divorce.

Dependents from Previous Marriage

Another important thing to include in a prenup agreement is provisions for any children from a previous marriage. This is a way for you to set aside money or property that they will inherit if you get a divorce. It keeps these from being able to be split during a divorce. If there are specific heirlooms that you want them to have you can include them in a prenup.

Sunset Provision

Finally, one uncommon clause that some people choose to include in a prenup agreement is a sunset provision. Many people think that spelling out the terms of your divorce is very unromantic when planning a wedding. However, with a sunset provision, the prenup would be null after a certain amount of years of marriage. This can be a way to put a partner at ease if they are hesitant about a prenup for emotional reasons. It shows that if your marriage stands the test of time, the prenup doesn’t need to be worried about anymore.

A prenup agreement can be a really good way to protect yourself financially in the event of a divorce. It can also protect any children you have from an earlier marriage. Make sure to include any personal wealth or property that you want to keep separate from joint assets. In addition, you can protect yourself from inheriting your partner’s debt through a prenup. You can also provide for your existing children by specifying what they would still inherit if you divorce. And finally, you can choose to include a sunset provision to end the prenup after a period of time. While it can be a polarizing thing to bring up before marriage, a prenup agreement can really be a good way to protect yourself financially.

What to do if Your Partner is an Emotional Abuser

The signs of emotional abuse can be subtle in a relationship. Abusers often focus their energy on making you feel weak or unimportant. If your partner is an emotional abuser, find ways to remember your self-worth. Set boundaries with your partner and stick to them. Get support from a friend or family member you trust. And finally, make an escape plan to get out of the relationship. Know that you are important and worthy of a healthy relationship.

What to do if Your Partner is an Emotional Abuser: How to Cope and Get Help

Focus on Yourself

If your partner is an emotional abuser, they probably spend much of their time tearing you down. Making you feel over-emotional or stupid is a classic sign of emotional abuse. Abusers want you to think that they are the most important person in the world. So they belittle you to make your world revolve around them. Find something that gives you a feeling of self-worth. For example, focus on a hobby or activity that makes you feel proud of yourself. Take time to relax on your own, and make it a point to include self-care in your everyday life.

Set Boundaries

Setting boundaries is an important step to take if your partner is an emotional abuser. Abusers are just grown-up bullies. And bullies respond to strong boundaries. For example, tell them that you’ll walk away if they say something unkind. But you must remember to stick to your boundaries. If you don’t follow through, then you give your abuser more power. Therefore, they won’t take you seriously in the future when you try to set boundaries.

Get Support

Get support from a family member or friend if your partner is an emotional abuser. Confide in them with what you’re going through. Abusers want you to feel that your feelings are invalid. If you even suspect emotional abuse, run it by a family member. Gaslighting, or making your question your own feelings, is a classic weapon of the abuser. But don’t let them make you think their behavior is normal. A friend or family member should help you get some perspective.

Make an Escape Plan

Finally, if your partner is an emotional abuser, make an escape plan. The person you’ve confided in can help with this. Know where you will go and who you can call on for help when you make your exit. Also, keep a list of phone numbers you need. Try to save some money without your partner realizing it. For example, keep it in an account they don’t have access to. Or ask a friend you trust to hold it. Know your partner’s schedule so that you know when you can leave.

Emotional abuse can affect all aspects of your life. Get the help you need if your partner is an emotional abuser. Focus on finding your self-worth and set boundaries with your partner. Get support from somebody you trust, and have them help you make an escape plan. Just remember that you deserve to be in a happy and supportive relationship. Seek counseling if you ever feel overwhelmed. And finally, if you suspect your emotional abuser could ever physically hurt you, seek help.

How-to Know if You’re Ready For Divorce

You are at the point that you are questioning your marriage. Perhaps there has been infidelity, lack of trust, abuse or loss of love. Even though all of the signs point to yes, you are still likely questioning whether or not you should get a divorce. Before making the final decision about divorce, there are things you should think about to know if you’re ready for divorce.

How-to Know if You’re Ready For Divorce: Questions to Consider

Do You Have Feelings for Your Partner?

It is very common for people who want to get a divorce still have feelings for their spouse. However, there has been something that has happened that has caused a lack of closeness and intimacy. If you fall into this category, it may be best to try and work things out with your partner. This could prevent you from pulling the trigger if you really are not ready for divorce. Otherwise, you may end up in a situation where you are are feeling a deep loss, and feel worse off than where you were before.

Are You Just Threatening Divorce?

Some people throw out empty threats of divorce when they are mad, or may think or say things they do not mean during an argument. Other times, people can use the threat of divorce to hold power over the other spouse. This is not a healthy way to to act in a relationship. Holding empty threats over someone makes you loose your credibility for the future, plus it is destructive to the relationship.

If you are truly ready for divorce, you need to be able to be at the point that you feel that way over a sustained period of time. You need to be able to truly say that you are ready to close that chapter of your life. You will need to know there is nothing more you can do or give to this relationship. Also, you will need to be able to discuss this with your spouse without blame.

Are You Ready to Handle the Consequences?

There will certainly be negative consequences from divorce. Many people have dreams of a happy family, but sometimes this is not the case. However, divorce brings pain, perhaps even to your children. Keep in mind that it is not worth staying in an unsafe or unhealthy marriage just to prevent other people feeling pain. Just know that if you are ready for divorce, you have to be ready for the consequences that follow.

For example, if you are only wanting a divorce because you are just bored with your spouse, think these following points through. Are you okay with your lifestyle or finances changing? Can you accept your children’s anger and sadness? Can you accept times of insecurity, fear, or the unknown? Are you willing to mentally and emotionally let go of your spouse? While you will waver with your emotions, you need to know that overall, you will be able to answer “yes” to these things to know you are ready for divorce.

How-to Know if You Need Couples Therapy

Things have been rough lately, and both of you are feeling frustrated. You may be wondering if you feel therapy or counseling is a sign of weakness, but it actually is a sign of strength. This is a step towards working on making your relationship better. Here are some signs that you may need to go to couples therapy.

How-to Know if You Need Couples Therapy

Lack of Trust

It may be time to go to couples therapy if your trust has been broken. A lack of trust can be detrimental to a relationship. Some examples of how trust could be broken would be catching your spouse in a huge lie, or even finding out they have been having an affair. However, if you and your partner are willing to try and work through this, talking with a therapist where you can openly and safely express yourself may be a good place to start.

Ongoing Conflict

If you and your spouse are always arguing, it could be a good idea to go to couples therapy. Constant conflict is not healthy for any relationship. Additionally, even if you are just noticing that the frequency of your arguments is increasing, it is never too early to stop a problem before it gets worse. Get ahead of the issue and talk to someone.

Something Feels Different

Is there something that just feels off about your marriage? This could be a disconnect physically, emotionally, or mentally. In additon, there could be underlying resentment or distrust that is even pulling you apart. You may not even be able to pinpoint it to determine what it is. Whatever it is, it is worth addressing with a couples therapist.

Lack of Communication

Another reason to go to a couples therapist is if you and your spouse have a lack of communication. For instance, you could live in the same house together, but never have any sort of meaningful conversation with any depth. This could make you drift apart from your partner. A councilor could help give you the tools to communicate better. Above all, this could increase the quality of the conversations you have with your spouse.

In conclusion, couples therapy can be a big benefit to couples that are drifting apart or are going through a rough spot. However, it can also be useful to curb an issue before it even gets big too. It is never too early to get ahead of a problem and work towards a happy and healthy marriage.

Toxic Marriage: Signs To Watch For

Ending up in a marriage where you’ve fallen out of love can be tough to grapple with. It can also be hard to tell when exactly this shift has occurred. However, there are some common signs of a toxic marriage you can look out for. That way, you can know when your marriage may no longer be working out…

Toxic Marriage: Common Indicators

No longer friends

One sign of a toxic marriage is when you feel like you aren’t friends with your partner anymore. It’s important for a couple to be friends as well as lover. You should be able to hang out and have fun, just like you would be if you were only friends.

If you find that you can’t do that anymore, though, then it could indicate things have turned toxic. This is especially true if you find yourself feeling awkward of frustrated when hanging out with them. Once you can no longer be friendly, your marriage itself will begin to weaken.

You can’t compromise

Something else which is important for a good marriage is compromising. Being able to compromise with your spouse is important for keeping the peace. As you strike a balance with a compromise, it shows that you and your partner can still work together to find solutions, even if you disagree at first.

Not being able to compromise can be an indication of a toxic marriage. Instead of being able to meet in the middle, you’ll both fight over who is right and who is wrong. This shows that you and your partner don’t respect each other’s feelings or opinions anymore.

You imagine a marriage-free life

A pretty apparent sign that you’re in a toxic marriage is when you’re already envisioning a life outside of it. When you thought about your future before, you probably envisioned being with your spouse. The goals you had planned out were something that you felt you could achieve alongside your spouse, while helping them do the same.

Now, it could be the case that you don’t even think about them being in your plans anymore. Rather, you imagine yourself doing things on your own. At this point, it can be pretty clear that there’s a lack of connection between you and your partner.

Losing Love: Marital Woes

One of the hardest things that can happen in a relationship is falling out of love. However, losing love is a very real thing, and occurs for many different reasons. Understanding some of the most common ones can help you see why some couples have this happen…

Losing Love: Why It Happens

Lack of communication

Losing love in a marriage can be due to poor communication. Good communication is important for maintaining the bond between you and your partner. If your communication is lacking, then that bond is going to get weaker. Eventually, it’ll get to the point where the love itself becomes lost.

Communication can fall apart for a wide variety of reasons. You may have both had issues talking to one another about things and had constant arguments. Or, it could have been that you didn’t spend enough time talking to one another. Not having that good, balanced communication can turn those positive feelings for one another into negative ones.

Things started off poorly

Losing love can also occur when a marriage starts off poorly and never recovers. A strong foundation in a marriage is crucial for being able to handle tougher times. Lacking that good base will make it much easier for a couple to drift apart and not be able to come back together when things hit a rough patch.

For instance, it could be that a you or your partner had unrealistic expectations for each other. When you or they don’t met these expectations, it can set a negative tone going forwards. It could also be that you rushed into your marriage without giving your relationship time to mature and be certain that marriage was the right call.

Too clingy

Losing love is usually caused by something that makes couples become distant. Yet, being too close can also be another reason. If you’re too clingy of a partner, then it can end up frustrating your spouse. Eventually, things will get to the point where they want distance more than anything else!

It’s good for couples to spend time with one another. Still, it’s also key to have some individual time, or time spent with family and friends. You can’t be too clingy, or expect your partner to only ever want to spend time with you.

Controlling Spouse: Signs of Abuse

One thing which is important to remember is that an abusive relationship doesn’t just have to be physical. Emotional abuse is very serious, and commonly comes in the form of a controlling spouse. Knowing some indicators of this attempted control can help you better see if they’re reflected in your own marriage…

Controlling Spouse: Potential Signs

Social isolation

One thing a controlling spouse might do is isolate you socially. People who try and control others are keen to try and limit their time spent with others. This is because they might be jealous, or worry others will threaten their control over you. Due to this, they’ll try and cut them out of your life.

This isolation can apply to both your friends and family. It might start off slowly, like with them getting annoyed when you go out with friends or see family. Eventually, it could escalate into them telling you that you can’t go out at all. When this starts happening, it’s a clear sign they’re trying to control you.

Manipulating emotions

A controlling spouse also tends to be emotionally manipulative. They may do this in a few different ways. One way is by constantly criticizing you in an effort to lower your self-esteem, while making acceptance conditional. For example, they may only give you praise when you do something specifically for them.

Guilt-tripping is also another way they might manipulate you. They’ll do this by making you feel guilty for things you do, even if they aren’t wrong or are outside of your control. If you feel emotionally beholden to them, then they can really begin to control you.

Privacy invasion

Privacy invasion is also something a controlling spouse will do. They want to keep tabs on what you’re doing at all times, leaving you with no sense of privacy. They could try and track your social media activity, or constantly call and text asking where you are. Sometimes, they may even go through your phone or computer when you aren’t looking.

Not only does this show their controlling nature, but it also shows they don’t trust you. Mutual trust is important for any relationship. A lack of trust, combined with this sort of control, indicates potential future problems.

Realistic Expectations in Marriage

Expectations can really make or break a marriage. If your expectations are too high, or impossible to live up to, then it can become difficult to adjust to your new way of life. Therefore, it’s important to set up realistic expectations of divorce. Doing so will help you and your partner avoid some constant arguments and issues…

Realistic Expectations in Marriage: Commitment and Struggle

Commitment

Commitment to your marriage is one of the most standard realistic expectations. A marriage is basically like an agreement between you and your partner. Based on your love for each other, you agree to be together and trust you’ll both hold up that end of the agreement. If that commitment is violated, then so is the trust and love that founded the marriage.

Still, it’s important to help reaffirm that trust between the both of you. There’s a couple ways you can do this. Maybe you give your partner verbal affection that makes them confident in your commitment. Or, you do special things with them to show you care. Doing things like these can help show you’re fulfilling that expectation.

Open communication

Healthy communication is also another of the realistic expectations you should have. Couples should be able to talk to each other openly and honestly. A marriage where partners lie to each other and are scared to be honest isn’t a healthy one. Eventually, this will cause things to get worse over time.

Rather, you both should be able to have good, honest discussions. That’s especially true for when you disagree. Instead of getting right into an argument, listen to and respect what each of you have to say. That way, you can work together on a solution that works.

Spending time with each other

Being with one another seems like a pretty straightforward matter. However, this is one of the realistic expectations couples struggle with. It’s always important to spend some quality time with your partner. Still, you also have to accept there will be times you aren’t together either.

Both of you have other important people in your lives, like family and friends. Therefore, it makes sense you’d like to also spend time with them. Both you and your partner should respect that, and even encourage it. As long as you spend plenty of time together too, then it shouldn’t be an issue.

Marriage Misconceptions: Healthy Relationships

You can trace many common divorce reasons back to common marriage misconceptions. Everyone enters a marriage with an idea of how it should be. However, these myths can end up putting you on a fast-track towards divorce…

Marriage Misconceptions: Keeping it Healthy

“Good marriages don’t need work”

One of the common marriage misconceptions is thinking marriages don’t require work. We all like to imagine that things will just work between you and your spouse. After all, everyone wants that “happy-ever-after” relationship. The thing is, though, is that those don’t happen overnight.

The fact is that your marriage is going to need some work. You and your partner might get along fine now. But, there’ll still be things you have to deal with and learn from together. Investing that time in now will help ensure things last into the future.

“My partner should know how I feel”

Another of the common marriage misconceptions are partners thinking the other should know how they feel at all times. Instead of telling their partner how they feel, they think their partner shouldn’t need to be told. As a result, this tends to lead to a whole host of communication issues and arguments.

Communication is crucial for any good relationship. Remember: you and your partner aren’t mind readers. You’re not going to know how the other feels or thinks all the time. That’s why it’s important to let each other know if something is wrong, so you can work together on a solution.

“We should never argue”

Arguments are another source of common marriage misconceptions. A lot of people will think that they should never have any kind of arguments in their marriage. If they do argue, then it means that their marriage isn’t going to last and there’s some kind of issue between the both of them.

The thing is, arguments are going to happen. That’s a natural part of any relationship. However, what matters is how often these arguments are, and what they’re about. If they happen all the time, and over trivial things, then it could be an issue. If not, then it’s something you can settle with each other in a healthy way.