Post-Divorce Isolation

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

With how much stuff needs to get done during a divorce, you’ve probably been pretty busy. However, what about when all the dust has settled? For many people, this is when the post-divorce isolation sets in. Handling this feeling can be tricky, but it isn’t impossible…

Post-Divorce Isolation: How To Handle It

Why it happens

It’s important to understand why post-divorce isolation occurs in the first place. The largest factor is your divorce itself. The focus of divorce is about splitting away from someone you were close to. Even if you no longer have the feelings for them that you used to, it’s still tough to break away and not feel isolated now that you’ve lost that connection.

There’s also some other elements which can come into play. For example, maybe your divorce has resulted in you having to move into a new home or apartment. This could put you further away from friends and family, who have probably been your biggest support system. Feeling like you’re “stranded” can also increase that sense of isolation. 

Come to terms with it

When handling post-divorce isolation, it’s important to understand that being alone isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it’s a good idea to get comfortable with being by yourself. This will help you do some good self-reflection and come to terms with what happened.

Of course, this doesn’t mean you have to purposefully isolate yourself from the world. It just means that in those moments you do find yourself alone, don’t let it get to you. Instead, channel that time into doing what you want to do and making some plans for your new future.

Pushing past it

Once you’ve gotten comfortable with the alone time and yourself, then you can really push past that post-divorce isolation. Of course, you can do this in several ways. Many people like to start small by going back out with friends, and then slowly working their way towards making new friends on their own.
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A good idea might be to try and connect with others who are or have been in your position. For instance, you can look to connect with other divorced moms if you yourself are one. These days, the internet makes it pretty ease to find and connect with people like you all over the world!

Angry Ex: Emotional Impact of Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce can stir up a wide range of emotions, and not all of them are pleasant. As a result, having an angry ex isn’t all that uncommon. Still, what do you do when you have to try and co-parent with them? There are a few ways you can try to defuse the tension between you…

Angry Ex: How To Handle Them

Be empathetic

Try to remember that anger is usually a secondary emotion. Odds are, an angry ex is hiding their griefor sadness over what’s happened behind their anger. This can be especially apparent if they weren’t the ones who suggested the divorce. In these cases, your ex can find it harder to adjust to the new post-divorce life.

As a result, this struggle can lead to their anger. That’s why it helps to try and be more empathetic when interacting with them. Try to let them know you understand why they feel how they do, and you don’t want to be their enemy. Instead, you want to work with them to co-parent properly.

Work on communication

Even if you try to be considerate, talking to an angry ex can be difficult. They might always try and shut you down, or quickly escalate things into screaming matches. In these scenarios, it’s important to know how you can properly communicate, even when your ex doesn’t want to.

Try and keep your interactions brief and straight to the point. Don’t try to bring up other topics or get distracted. Instead, keep it focused only on whatever the main thing you need to discuss is. Also, remember to try and use neutral and non-accusatory language, as to avoid blow-ups caused by misunderstanding.

Keep clear boundaries

Sometimes, no matter what you do, an angry ex is just not going to want to talk to you. They might ignore you, yell at you, and refuse to let you get your point across. However, you don’t have to just accept this kind of harassment. Instead, it’s perfectly acceptable to set some clear boundaries.

When your ex starts lashing out, let them know that if they continue, you’ll just leave and wait until they calm down. This lets them know that they can’t just attack you and expect you to allow it without consequence. Plus, if they try to pry out more personal, off-topic information, remind them of your boundaries and use a similar strategy if they don’t get the message.

Dating Post-Divorce: Getting Back Out There

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

With how many divorces happen in the U.S. alone, that means there’s a lot of newly single people out there. For some of these people, the question of dating post-divorce is heavy on their minds. While it may feel odd at first, it is possible to rebuild your confidence to begin dating once again…

Dating Post-Divorce: Find Your Confidence

Take time for yourself

Before you start dating post-divorce, try to take some time for yourself. Divorce is a pretty heavy event, and it makes you have to do a lot of thinking. Some of that thinking tends to be doing some self-reflection, and trying to figure out what it is you value in a relationship.

If you just try to jump into a new relationship, more often than not it won’t work out. It’s important to take some time to get yourself ready and prepared to truly enter the dating field again. Remember, there’s no specific time that you have to start dating again. It’s all about when you feel ready.

Do some self-improvement

Your post-divorce life is the perfect time to do some self-improvement. This self-improvement can really help improve your mindset and get you feeling good as you start your new life. Plus, it can also help you get some good confidence before you start dating post-divorce.

For example, many people like to take this time to get healthier by eating right and exercising. Doing this will not only help you feel good, but the results can do a lot for your confidence. So can re-inventing your wardrobe. Feeling confident in how you look can help you feel confident when dating again.

Understand what you want

When you do start dating post-divorce, keep in mind what kind of relationship you want. Do you just want something that’s laid-back and casual? Or are you looking for a serious commitment? Knowing what you want will help you find people who are looking for the same kind of relationship.

Keep in mind too that it can take time to get something going. Odds are, you might have more misses before you find someone who gels with you. Just keep at it and don’t get discouraged!

Post-Divorce Life: Making Changes

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

A common question people face after their divorce is over is: what now? With how time consuming divorce can be, you might’ve not had a lot of time to think about your post-divorce life. However, there are plenty of ways to get your new life going on the right track…

Post-Divorce Life: Get Things Going

Make new friends

An unfortunate reality of divorce is that it can sometimes cause you tolose touch with friends. Some might’ve only been friends through your ex, others might just not be comfortable with the situation. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t make some new ones in their place.

A great way to meet new friends is by going out and doing things. Maybe there’s some special even your town is having soon. Or, perhaps there’s a group related to a hobby you enjoy. Attending things like these is a great way to meet new, similar-minded people who can quickly become friends.

Organize the house

With how hectic divorce can be, it’s not uncommon for even the most organized people to fall a bit behind. However, having a cluttered and messy home can really negatively impact your mental health. Instead, it’s a good idea to take this time and get things back in order as they should be.

For starters, organization comes with plenty of health benefits. Plus, it’s great for beginning your process of letting go of your past relationship. Sort through the things you have, keep what you need, and let those other items go, either through donation, selling them, or just tossing them.

Get healthy

Many people like to use their divorce as a new starting point for the rest of their lives. Therefore, it’s very common to see people start to get healthy to kick off their post-divorce life. This is usually done through eating healthier, getting more exercise, or a combination of both.

The nice thing about getting healthy is that there’s plenty of ways you can do it. You can hit the gym, do some exercises at home, or just go for a run around the neighborhood. Not only will you feel better, but your body will thank you in the long run.

Divorce Support Network: Why It’s Important

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce isn’t easy for anyone, especially if you feel like you have to handle everything by yourself. However, building a good divorce support network can help you get the support you need during this trying time. As it turns out, there’s plenty of people you can turn to who might be willing to offer you a hand…

Divorce Support Network: Finding Your Circle

Your family

Your family is really like the core of your divorce support network. Odds are, your family members were the first ones you told about your divorce plans. You might’ve even told them about your marriage problems before the divorce even started. Therefore, family members tend to be a great source of support for you.

Your family can help you out with a lot of things. They can help give you a place to stay, help you with babysitting, or whatever other tasks you might need to take care of. Still, you don’t have to get your whole family involved. Just your closest members is all it takes to have a good support system.

Your friends

Just behind your family in your divorce support network are your friends. For many people, their closest friends are like family. As a result, it’s clear why they too are also an important source of support. In fact, your friends can help give you support that your family might not be able to offer.

Your friends can help you in similar ways to your family, like with emotional support and babysitting. However, they can also help you relax and let go of some stress. When you feel like you need to have some fun again, turn to your friends. Spending time with them can really help get your divorce off your mind.

Outside help

Your friends and family are key parts of your divorce support network. However, sometimes you might need some extra, professional help. That’s when it’s time to seek some outside help. A new perspective can help you find some answers to the issues you’ve been dealing with.

For example, a divorce coachcan help give you some emotional support, as well as some tips for smoothing out your divorce. You can also see someone such as a therapist. Not only will they help you figure out what’s bothering you, they’ll also help you plan out methods to deal with it.

Post-Divorce Expectation

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce can be a time of extreme pain and change. Because of this, people tend to mentally prepare themselves for what could happen. Mental preparation can be for things like moving, figuring out co-parenting schedules and new jobs. However, there are a few things that surprise people after their divorce. Mental preparations for any post-divorce expectation is great to do but it’s even better if you’re aware of more outcomes.

Post-Divorce Expectation: Being More Aware

Loss of Friends

Often times, going through a divorce is a group effort. For some people, it’s a common post-divorce expectation to rely on their family and friends. However, there are some friends that can’t take the heat. A reason for this is that your divorce is reminding them of the shortcomings of their marriage. For some people, they may not want to deal with anything upsetting. Whatever reason it is, there are some friends that will step up to the plate and others that will back away from it.

If losing friends is something you happen to go through during your divorce, try not to put energy into being upset with those people. There will be friends and family that will pick up their slack. Instead, put your energy into letting the reliable friends and family know that they are appreciated and loved.

Unwanted Opinions

Whoever is involved in your life will, at some time or another, know that you’re going through a divorce. This is a great post-divorce expectation to have in mind. To you, it may feel embarrassing or like an invasion of privacy that everyone around you knows something so personal. Sadly, some people will take advantage of knowing some of personal life. Whether it be friends, family, coworkers or a neighbor, someone may voice their unwanted opinions on your divorce. However, this person isn’t always meaning to be unkind. Even though you did not ask for anyone’s opinion, they may mean it out of the kindness of their heart.

With this in mind, try not to let what anyone says get to you. If you need to, have pre-made responses to whoever gives unwanted opinions. That way, you don’t have to give as much energy to a situation you don’t want to be a part of.

Your Own Strength

Another common post-divorce expectation you may already have is your own strength during this time. You may be thinking how hard emotionally and mentally it will be for you. This may lead you to set up appointmentswith therapists in advance. However, you may have more strength during your divorce than you ever thought you would have. Of course, it’s great to prepare for things ahead of time. Continue doing that! With that in mind, don’t forget to give yourself credit for all that you’ve done and all that you will do.

Mental preparation for what may happen after your divorce is a proactive thing to do. Some post-divorce expectations may be glaringly obvious. However, there are some that may trip you up. Remember, post-divorce expectation is meant to help you so make sure you’re aware of any and all obstacles. That way, you can go through this painful time as best as you possibly can.

Talking Divorce: Breaking the News

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Maybe you and your spouse have tried a lot to solve the problems in your marriage, but it just hasn’t worked. When this happens, and you’re ready for a divorce, you’ll have to tell your spouse. But how do you go about talking divorce? As it turns out, there are some ways to make this hard process a bit easier…

Talking Divorce: How To Tell Your Spouse

Pick the right time and place

Timing and environment are both very important factors when talking divorce. Trying to talk to them right after something stressful or difficult has happened might result in them blowing you off or reacting poorly. Plus, divorce isn’t something you’ll want to talk about in public, or while around family and friends.

Instead, try to find a time where both you and your spouse won’t be busy. Also, make sure you pick a private space where you both feel comfortable. If you have kids, you’ll want to make sure they’re out of the house before you talk about anything. It might also help to keep your phones on silent, as to not get distracted.

Pick your approach

Once you have the when and where down, you’ll need to figure out howyou’ll go about talking divorce. Tone and word choice are very important for having this conversation go as smoothly as possible. If you come off as angry, vindictive, or putting all the blame onto them, they’ll probably get very upset very quickly.

Instead, try being gentle, but firm. Let them know in a neutral or sympathetic tone that you’re sad too, but things just aren’t working. However, be firm in the fact that you want to divorce. That way, you ensure they get the message while not feeling directly attacked.

Prepare for their response

Despite the steps you’ll take for making talking divorce a bit smoother, you still have to be prepared for your spouse’s reaction. Their reaction could go a number of ways. They could get angry, begin blaming you, or very upset. However, it’s important to make sure you respond properly.

A good strategy, similar to the gentle but firm one, is to remain sympathetic, but still state you want a divorce. Tell them that you understand how they feel, and you’re sad about things too. However, let them also know you think divorce is the best course of action. This lets them know you aren’t doing this to be mean, but because things aren’t good for either of you.

Marriage Counseling

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

If you are having problems in your marriage, it’s a great step to try marriage counseling. When it’s the right fit for the both of you, marriage counseling can truly be the difference between make or break. However, marriage counseling doesn’t work for everyone. But, just with anything, it can take time to really make a change. If marriage counseling still isn’t helping after a while, you may be wondering when to hang up the hat…

Marriage Counseling: When to Call it Quits

Checking all the Boxes

For starters, marriage should be what’s right for you and your spouse. For example, do the both of you want counseling? Are the both of you aware of what problems need addressing? Additionally, do the both of you believe your counselor is the best fit for you? Checking all of these boxes is part of what makes marriage counseling successful. If it hasn’t been working, make sure to see that you’ve checked all the boxes.

Time

Just like for most things, time is one of the most important parts of marriage counseling. With some couples, their marriage is already improving after a handful of sessions. However, with other couples, they may go to counseling for years and still cannot resolve their problems. Ultimately, basing how much time has passed with progress is only something that can be done by the couple. The two of you are the only ones who can honestly say whether or not something is working in the time you’ve had.

Are Your Hearts in It?

No matter what, marriage counseling shouldn’t happen unless both spouses are on board. That means, both spouses have to want the counseling and be serious about going to sessions and doing their homework. If not, then counseling most likely won’t work.

On the flip side, the both of you could be passionate about going but lack of success has hindered you. In that case, there is a chance you can increase your morale. Focus, instead on the lack of success, but that you have someone that wants to work things out with you. However, if the two of you genuinely don’t think counseling is working, then it may be time to stop.

Marriage counseling is helpful but tricky. If all the variables aren’t right, things can get messy. However, as long both spouses are using their time properly and still want counseling, everything could work. Sadly, that doesn’t always mean it will work. Communicate with your partner throughout this process. Therefore, it’ll make this whole process clearer.

Co-Parenting Stressors: Coping & Overcoming

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

The time right after your divorce can be very hard to go through. This is especially true as you begin adjusting to the life and times of co-parenting with your ex. Now, not only are you adjusting to life post-divorce, you’re also facing unfamiliar co-parenting stressors for the first time. How do you adjust? How do you cope with this new schedule? And how do you explain it all to your kids along the way? While co-parenting is not easy in any way, there are some ways to overcome the slump and find your co-parenting groove…

Co-Parenting Stressors: Emotional Impact of Divorce

Find some common ground

It’s always hard for a co-parent when their child comes back from being with their other parent and begins acting out. Often times, this is because the house rules over there are much different. This shift in rules makes it hard for a child to adapt, and can ultimately lead to friction from one house to another. Therefore, finding common ground is vital in overcoming those co-parenting stressors. Creating a mutual understanding of why you’re doing this is often a great first step.

The difficult thing about co-parenting is that you won’t have the same exact rules as your ex. However, you can try to come together on some things you both agree on… Continue reading “Co-Parenting Stressors: Coping & Overcoming” →

Diagnosing Domestic Abuse

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

There are many different reasons to pursue a divorce. Maybe your spouse cheated, you’re just not happy, or maybe, you’re a victim of domestic abuse. Diagnosing domestic abuse in your own relationship can be difficult, which is why it can often be much easier for the people around you to see the signs, and make you aware of them. For this reason, we want to shed some light on domestic abuse. Whether you’re the victim yourself, or are concerned that someone close to you is, it’s important to know the signs— and bring them to their attention.

Diagnosing Domestic Abuse: Supporting Loved Ones 

When it is emotional…

You might feel like it’s normal to be afraid of your partner, or anxious to bring certain things up. However, these hesitations are not normal behavior for a couple. Fear of any kind has no place in a relationship that is healthy, thriving, and happy.

If you find that your partner bullies you in any capacity, controls, threatens, or tries to embarrass you— this is a surefire sign of domestic abuse. One of the largest misconceptions about abuse is that it’s always something you can see. Sometimes, abuse is purely emotional— which makes it more difficult to diagnose, especially from the outside looking in.

When it is physical…

While not all abuse is physical, much of it is. If your partner is 1) leaving you places because you’ve upset them, 2) embarrassing you in front your loved ones or strangers, 3) physically assaults you, or anything of the like— you’re dealing with domestic abuse.

Domestic abuse can come in all forms. From emotional abuse, physical abuse, and even sexual abuse. One common misconception that people have, is that when you’re in a relationship— sex is warranted at any point in time. However, you are not required to be intimate with your significant other merely because you are together.

Diagnosing domestic abuse can be difficult…

After all, no one wants to think that the person they love most is capable of hurting them in such a way. Furthermore, the people you love don’t want to consider this either. However, domestic abuse is quite common amongst couples of all age groups. If you think that you, or someone you love, is experiencing some form of domestic abuse— find a way to address it. Whether you go to someone for help, or attempt to get your loved one alone to discuss. The key is to address the situation, separate the dangerous person, and go from there to further distance the relationship.
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We wish you luck in this difficult time, and offer our condolences for the pain and suffering you’re enduring. Furthermore, we also offer our services if you find that you may need them.