While getting a divorce isn’t an easy decision, you’d hope that your spouse can handle it in a professional way. However, this isn’t always the case. Your spouse might react in any number of ways, and this can lead to problems during your divorce. For this reason, we’ve put together some key tips for spotting, and handling, a potentially high conflict divorce.
High Conflict Divorce: Potential Signs
How To Identify a High Conflict Spouse
To have a high conflict divorce, there’ll inevitably be one, or even two, high conflict spouse(s). But how can you tell if your spouse fits the bill? One method of understanding, is to ask yourself a few questions… Are you constantly defending yourself? Do you feel intimidated and afraid of making suggestions?
Am I frightened to have a conversation?
If you answer yes to any of these questions, then you might be facing a high conflict divorce. Afterwards, think about your spouse’s behavior. Are they unwilling to compromise? Do they constantly jump to conclusions, or try to escalate even small disagreements? These are all red flags of a high conflict spouse. Once you identify your spouse as high conflict, the next task will be doing what you can do in these tense situations.
Don’t Take Things Personally
When in a high conflict divorce, you might wonder how you didn’t see this coming, or what you should’ve done differently. However, this kind of thinking is counter-productive and possibly what your spouse wants you to do. If you focus too much on blaming yourself and letting what your spouse says get to you, then they may hope you’ll give up on the divorce or not fight for what you deserve. Remember, your marriage involved your spouse as well, and they also played a role in things not working out. Odds are anything they say to you is just a reflection of what they themselves feel they should’ve done differently.
Don’t Play Their Games
In a high conflict divorce, high conflict spouses gain their power from getting reactions out of you. Their ultimate goal is to get you angry and into arguments with the hope of making you into the “bad guy”. That way, they can flip the divorce onto you and make it seem like you’re the problem, not them. This is why it’s important to not play their games. Say your final words and don’t let them have anything else. They’ll realize soon enough that their tactics aren’t going to work on you.
Divorce takes a lot out of person, and high conflict divorces especially so. However, while it might be more difficult, it certainly isn’t impossible. Remember to keep your cool and you’re spouse will lose any power they think they might’ve had.
