Dealing with Divorce Embarrassment

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
While it’s perfectly normal to go through a divorce, unfortunately, many people still experience divorce embarrassment afterward. There is absolutely no reason to feel shame about ending a marriage that is unhealthy. However, if you are struggling with these feelings, it can help to try to put things into perspective. Look at the bigger picture and remember that this is leading to better things for you. Cut out toxicity in your life if people are surrounding you that are adding to your guilt. Find a way to talk about your divorce, and practice it so that you are prepared when questions come up. And finally, if you are truly struggling with these feelings, it might help to speak to a therapist. Hopefully, they can help you learn some coping mechanisms and self-acceptance so that you can realize that divorce is not just an ending but also a new beginning.

Dealing with Divorce Embarrassment: Learning Self-Acceptance

Put Things in Perspective

One thing that can be very helpful if you are experiencing divorce embarrassment is to try to put things into perspective. Remember that this feels like a huge part of your life right now, but eventually, you will move on. And you might even move on with a person that is a much better fit. You can have an entire second life ahead of you, and this will be just a blip eventually. It’s also important to remember that it’s far more embarrassing to stay in a marriage that makes you unhappy for years and years than to go through a divorce.

Cut Out Toxicity

Divorce is incredibly common these days. However, there still might be some people in your life that make you feel ashamed of your marriage ending. This can add to divorce embarrassment and is uncalled for. Divorce can be very healthy if you are in an unhappy marriage. Cut out toxic people in your life that do not support your decision. Try to surround yourself with supportive friends and family who understand that you made the right decision for your family.

Find a Way to Talk About It

Dealing with divorce embarrassment can be difficult, especially when your divorce is brought up suddenly. Find a way to talk about your divorce, and practice out loud to yourself. Repeating the words to yourself can normalize them and make you feel more comfortable when talking to others. Try to remember that nobody will judge you for having this experience. You’ll meet many people throughout your life that have been through the same thing.

Therapy

Finally, if you are truly struggling with divorce embarrassment, it’s time to speak to a professional about it. A therapist can help you organize your thoughts and pinpoint where the shame is coming from. They can give you great coping skills to deal with stress. Finally, they can help you learn self-acceptance and help you see the positive side of divorce. Divorce embarrassment is completely normal, but there’s still no reason to experience shame about your marriage ending. Not only is divorce very common, but it’s also often the best thing for your future and well-being. Staying in an unhappy marriage is much worse than going through the stigma of a divorce. Try to remind yourself that you made the best decision. Cut out toxic people in your life that are making you feel ashamed about it. Practice talking about your divorce out loud so that you don’t feel embarrassed to speak to others about your experience. And finally, talk to a therapist if you are struggling with feelings of shame and guilt. Hopefully, you can move on quickly and begin the process of healing.

Spotting Signs of Depression After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Depression after divorce is very common. Divorce is a hugely stressful event, and it marks the end of a marriage and future that you imagined for yourself. It’s okay to grieve over this loss. However, if the grief seems to be affecting your whole life, it’s important to pay attention to signs of depression. A lack of energy or feeling of hopelessness, or sleep disturbances might indicate some depression as can a lack of enjoyment in things you normally like to do. If the grief is causing problems in your life, or if you ever have thoughts of harming yourself or others, it’s time to seek help immediately. Many treatments might be able to help you overcome these feelings and get back to living your life.

Spotting Signs of Depression After Divorce: Know the Symptoms

Lack of Energy

One of the signs of depression after divorce is a lack of energy. It’s perfectly okay to want to take a little break and rest after your divorce is finalized. After all, it’s an incredibly draining process that can last a long time. However, if many weeks have gone by and you’re finding it hard to muster the energy for leaving the house or participating in activities, it might be time to look for some support.

Sleep Issues

Sleep disturbances can also be one of the symptoms of depression after divorce to watch out for. That might mean insomnia keeping you up all night, or an inability to get out of bed and sleeping the day away. If the pattern is different from your typical sleep, then it’s a cause to speak to a doctor or therapist. Do not try to self-medicate to get to sleep because some sleep medicines can become addictive.

Lack of Enjoyment

Another sign of depression after divorce is a lack of enjoyment in normal activities. If you are finding it difficult to enjoy the things in life that you normally do, it’s a cause for concern. While it’s normal to feel the blues after a divorce, you don’t want it to be sucking all the joy out of your life. In addition, feeling hopeless, or feeling like things will never get back to normal can also be signs of depression.

When to Get Help

It’s important to reach out and get help if you are experiencing symptoms of depression after divorce. There are many therapies, treatments, and medications you can try that might help you get back on your feet and feel like yourself. If you ever have thoughts of harming yourself or others, call for help immediately. Call a friend or family member to help you, call 911, or try the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988. Depression after divorce is quite common, but that doesn’t make it less concerning or difficult to deal with. It’s important to get the support you need to get through this tough time. If you are noticing signs of depression like a lack of energy, lack of enjoyment out of activities, or sleep disturbances, it’s important to reach out for help. If you experience suicidal thoughts, it’s an emergency. Therapy can be very helpful, as can outpatient and in-patient treatment plans for depression. In addition, there are medications that a doctor might be able to prescribe that can help you overcome these feelings and get back to feeling like yourself. Hopefully, you can get the support you need to get back on your feet and look forward to the next chapter of your life.

Battling Divorce Stigma

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Even though divorce is very common, you might still be battling divorce stigma from those around you. Family members, friends, or even strangers might feel like it is their place to discuss your divorce and their thoughts. However, the choices that you make are none of their business. Try to change the conversation around divorce by adjusting your framework for talking about it. Surround yourself with supportive people, and don’t neglect to practice self-care. And finally, if you are still having a difficult time, consider speaking with a therapist or close friend. Hopefully, you can change the narrative and embrace your divorce as an empowering move and one that will improve your future.

Battling Divorce Stigma: Changing the Way We Talk About Divorce

Change the Conversation

The first step in battling divorce stigma is to change the way you see divorce. Instead of looking at it as the end of your marriage, look at it as a window into your future. Going through the process can be draining but don’t let the stigma surrounding divorce make you doubt yourself. You made the right decision and when the dust settles you’ll be able to see this as a new beginning rather than a chapter ending.

Surround Yourself with Support

Another thing that can help with battling divorce stigma is to surround yourself with supportive friends and family. Don’t let those around you drudge up negative thoughts about the divorce. Instead, try to find people that will help you look forward to the future rather than focusing on the past.

Prioritize Self-Care

Don’t forget about self-care when battling divorce stigma. It can be taxing on you emotionally to feel like others are judging you. Make sure that you take time to focus on your mental well-being periodically by doing things that make you feel confident and bring you joy. For example, get plenty of rest, exercise regularly, and get outside in the sun. You can also try things like meditation, deep breathing, and mindfulness for stress relief.

Talk it Out

Finally, battling divorce stigma is easier when you have somebody to talk to about it. Reach out to a therapist or close friend to help you. Sometimes it’s helpful to have a sympathetic ear. And other times, they might be able to give you great advice for handling stressful situations or people in your life. Battling divorce stigma is, unfortunately, still something you might have to deal with. Even though divorce is quite common, you might still get some push-back from old-school family members or friends. Ignore the naysayers and focus on your future instead. Don’t let them make you doubt yourself or your decision. You and your ex made the best decision for both of your futures. Even though divorce is tiring, try to see it as empowering as well. You got through it and you’re on the other side of things. Now you can make whatever kind of future you want for yourself. Try to focus on the positive and surround yourself with others who do the same. Don’t forget about your self-care, and make time for speaking with a therapist or close friend. Hopefully, you can begin to see your divorce as an open door to a more positive future.

Confronting Abuse: Do’s and Don’ts

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Confronting abuse can be a way to exit a relationship, but you need to make sure that you do it safely. An abuser can escalate quickly and turn a confrontational situation into a dangerous one. Don’t engage with them when they are displaying abusive behavior. In addition, don’t try to reason with them about the abuse because likely it will not work and can also escalate the problem. It is a good idea to make an exit plan that gets you away from the relationship safely. And finally, try to find things that build up your self-esteem so that you can begin the healing process. Whether the abuse is emotional, physical, sexual, or financial, it’s inexcusable in a relationship.

Confronting Abuse: Do’s and Don’t to Keep Yourself Safe

Don’t: Engage

When confronting abuse, it’s important not to engage when the abuser is displaying overtly abusive behavior. This will only make the situation worse. For example, if an emotional abuser begins insulting you or questioning your actions, don’t begin arguing back. Instead, set boundaries. Let them know you won’t tolerate their behavior. Tell them if they continue their actions, you’ll leave the room. Then follow through with your boundaries.

Don’t: Try to Reason

Abuse is always about power, so it doesn’t necessarily have a logical reason behind it. Therefore, when confronting abuse, don’t try to reason with your abuser. They will not change their minds, and likely, the abuse will never stop. Instead, try to find a support network. Reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist and let them help you figure out a safe exit from the relationship.

Do: Make an Exit Plan

Confronting abuse is not likely going to make it stop. Abusers rarely stop abusing their victims. Instead, things tend to escalate. Therefore, the only way to protect yourself is to leave the relationship. Get a friend or loved one to help you make a plan. Begin saving money and figuring out a safe place to go. Your community will likely have local resources for victims of abuse that can help you find a way out of your situation.

Do: Build Up Self-Esteem

Finally, after confronting abuse, try to find ways to build up your self-esteem. Whether the abuse is physical or emotional, it can leave lasting scars. Abusers thrive on taking away the confidence of their victims. After you exit the relationship, try to find activities that bring you joy and boost your self-confidence. Set reachable goals for yourself and find supportive friends who will cheer you on when you reach those goals.

Confronting abuse can be a dangerous thing to do, so sometimes, simply exiting a relationship is the safer move. Do not engage with an abuser because it can escalate a situation. Instead, set boundaries for yourself and stick to them. Don’t try to reason with an abuser either, but instead, find a support network that will legitimize your feelings. Try to make an exit plan with your support network so that you can leave the relationship safely. And finally, try to build back your self-confidence by finding hobbies or activities that bring you joy. Abuse can be incredibly damaging for victims, so getting away from a relationship as quickly and safely as possible is the only way to protect yourself.

Divorce News: Making a Plan

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

It can be hard to bring up divorce with your spouse. However, it can be even harder to break the divorce news to your kids. With how traumatic divorce can be for them, you want to make sure it goes as smoothly as possible…

Divorce News: Telling The Kids

Tell them together

When breaking divorce news to your kids, it’s important you and your spouse tell them together. In effect, you’ll both want to maintain a united front. After all, you kids aren’t going to know what you know about the divorce or who suggested it. Doing it together helps tell them you’re still working together.

Also, this avoids sending them any mixed messages. If you tell them first, and your partner does later, it could confuse your kids. Plus, you won’t know what your partner could say. Doing this together is good for making sure you’re both on the same page.

Wait for a good time

Another thing to remember when breaking divorce news to the kids is that timing is key. You don’t want to decide on a divorce, and then immediately tell the kids. You’ll also want to avoid telling them when they’re already angry or upset due to something else. Instead, you should make sure the time is right.

Wait until you and your spouse are sure you’ll divorce, and have some kind of plan set in place. Then, be sure to tell the kids somewhere they feel comfortable, and when they aren’t already emotional. This will help ensure the potential shockisn’t made worse by outside factors.

Know what to tell them

Of course, if you’re breaking divorce news, you should know what exactly you’re going to say. Your kids don’t need all the specific details of what went wrong. Most of it probably won’t make sense to them, especially if they’re younger. Rather, you should give them reassurance and a plan for the future.

Be sure that your kids know they aren’t responsible for the divorce, and that you both still love them. This reassurance is important for helping them start to process what’s going on. Then, tell them what might be happening in the future. If they know what to expect, then it’ll be easier for them to prepare emotionally.

Starting the Divorce Conversation: How to Begin

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
The idea of starting the divorce conversation with your spouse can be painful to consider. However, most people tend to reach a breaking point in their relationship when they decide firmly that they do not want to continue the marriage. If you are at that point, it might be a good idea to speak to an attorney first to understand the legal process of divorce. Make sure that you are certain about your decision because you cannot unring the divorce bell. Pick the right time and place when there won’t be interruptions and try to keep the conversation calm. Your spouse might react in several different ways, but it’s important to stand firm and explain your reasoning. Hopefully, you and your ex will be in mutual agreement and can proceed with an amicable divorce.

Starting the Divorce Conversation: How to Begin the Talk with Your Spouse

Speak to an Attorney First

Many find it helpful to speak to an attorney before starting the divorce conversation. In some states, you’ll need to do a period of separation before you can begin the divorce process. An attorney can help you figure out what the steps are in your state. They can also help you decide if there are any steps you’ll want to take ahead of time to protect your assets before bringing up a divorce if you worry that your spouse might react badly. Having an idea of what you’re getting into can be a great place to start.

Make Sure that You Are Sure

Before starting the divorce conversation, make sure that you are certain about your decision. This is a bell that you cannot unring, so make sure that you won’t change your mind. For example, don’t decide on divorce in the heat of an argument. Rather, take a lot of time to think about all of the repercussions. It can also be helpful to speak with a relationship counselor to make sure that there aren’t ways to work through your problems.

Picking the Right Time

If you’ve considered it carefully and want to move forward with starting the divorce conversation, make sure that you pick your timing carefully. Find a time when you will not be interrupted. If you have small children, find childcare for them. In addition, make sure that you have plenty of time set aside for the conversation. For example, don’t try to spring it on your partner as they rush out the door for work. And finally, don’t bring up divorce in the middle of a heated argument. Instead, you’ll want to find a time when both you and your spouse are in a calm mental space.

Having the Talk

When you finally decide it’s time for starting the divorce conversation, just know that your partner might react in many different ways. For example, they might get upset, angry, or completely surprised. It’s important to keep your tone neutral and calm so that you can have a productive conversation. You want to make sure that you can explain yourself fully, so try not to let yourself get sidetracked by extreme emotions. In addition, if you are set in your decision, convey that. Don’t waver or act uncertain, but instead be firm with what you want.

Starting the divorce conversation is an overwhelming thing to consider. Divorce is a big deal, and not a decision that you should come to light. It can be helpful to speak with a therapist or counselor to help you make sure that this is the decision you want to make. In addition, it can also help to speak to an attorney beforehand so that you know what to expect out of the divorce process. Once you are certain about your decision, picking your timing is important. Finally, when you begin the conversation, try to make sure that you are firm but calm. Nobody wants to go through the stressful divorce process, however, staying in an unhealthy marriage can be much worse. Hopefully, you and your partner can move forward with separation and divorce in mutual agreement.

Supporting a Friend Through A Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Supporting a friend through a divorce is one of the kindest things you can do to help them. This is likely one of the most stressful things they will go through. It helps to have a friend by your side the whole way. Be a good listener and do more listening and less talking. Your friend might need a shoulder to cry on. They might also need somebody to vent their frustration to, but try not to engage in trash talk. In addition, help them with the day-to-day necessities. Sometimes, just picking up groceries, taking the dog for a walk, or babysitting is the best help you can give. And finally, include them in your plans. They likely will be feeling lonely sometimes, so it’s nice to invite them out. They’ll be very glad to have such a good friend by their side.

Supporting a Friend Through A Divorce: How to Be Helpful

Be a Good Listener

Supporting a friend through a divorce is often a lot about listening. Try to do more listening without chiming in too much. Talking out loud is a great way for them to sort through their feelings about the divorce. Try to let them experience a wide range of emotions without judging or trying to change their mind.

Don’t Engage in Trash Talk

Another thing you can do when supporting a friend through a divorce is to avoid engaging in trash talking. They might feel the need to vent their frustrations to you. They might have a lot of bitterness, resentment, and anger. They might even cycle frequently between anger and sadness, or any other spectrum of feelings. While it’s fine to listen to what they say about their ex, try not to engage.

Help With the Day to Day

Supporting a friend through divorce often means helping them with day-to-day activities. They are suddenly handling everything on their own and their schedule is likely very different. They might need you to help them with the logistical side of things. For example, you could take their dog for a walk, or do some dishes while you’re there. Or do a quick clean-up, help them organize bills, or cook a meal. And of course, if they are now parenting solo, childcare is a great help.

Include Them

Finally, when supporting a friend through a divorce, it’s nice to include them in your plans. They will be facing holidays that look very different than they used to. For example, they might be splitting custody with their ex. In this case, they might be missing their children during the holidays. Try to remember to include them in your plans. Invite them to dinner, over for a movie night, or just reach out for a coffee. While it might seem awkward to invite somebody to your Christmas dinner or an anniversary celebration, it can be very helpful for them. Supporting a friend through a divorce is one of the most helpful things you can do. It’s hard watching a friend go through the stress of divorce. However, knowing they have you there by their side will be a great help. Try to be a good listener when they need to vent their frustration. However, avoid engaging in trash talk. It never does anybody good, and it could come back to bite you. Help them with day-to-day tasks that they might get overwhelmed by. You can do small things around the house to help, or take on some childcare. And finally, include them in your plans so that they aren’t lonely. Your company will be a great distraction for them. Hopefully, it will be an easy transition for them. But it will be much easier with you helping them through it.

How-to Help Kids Understand Divorce: Difficult

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Every child is going to react differently when learning that their parents are getting a divorce. Of course, the age that a child is at will determine their understanding of what is going on. In some families, the children may be very aware of what is going on. In other instances, the parents may hide all of their disagreements from their kids. While every situation will be different, there are a few tips that can help kids understand divorce.

How-to Help Kids Understand Divorce: Preparing for the Talk

Planning For It

The best way to help kids understand divorce is to talk about it. Part of how a child will react will be based on how the parents tell their children that they are getting a divorce. Parents should put thought and consideration into how, when, and where they break the news to their children. It may be helpful to have the entire family meet together as a family so that the parents can answer the children’s questions. In this type of setting, there will be less opportunity for parents to blame the other for the divorce. Make sure to plan a family meeting to have this big conversation. Go ahead and think through and plan out what is going to be said at this meeting. Parents should do their best to stay calm during this conversation. It will be best to plan to have a follow-up meeting to answer any further questions and address concerns.

Things to Say

Children often find divorce hard to understand. To help kids understand divorce, keep the initial conversation to the basics. Otherwise, it could get very overwhelming and confusing. The most important thing is for kids to know that their basic needs are still going to be met. They will also want reassurance that they will be able to continue a relationship with both parents if that is possible. Kids may not understand that a divorce is final, so that is something parents need to discuss so that kids do not have false hopes. It is easy for children to think that it is their fault that their parents are getting a divorce. Parents need to reassure kids that this is not their fault.

Listen

To help kids understand divorce, it is important to listen to their questions and concerns. Children will have worries about how their life will change, and parents need to be mindful of that. By listening to kids’ concerns and questions will show that the parents care. Parents should not be alarmed if they have to answer questions and give reassurance many times during this process. Also, parents should ask children about their fears and concerns, so that the parents show the kids that they care. It also shows kids that it is okay to be open about those feelings. Telling kids about divorce is never easy. There are ways to help kids understand divorce. Once they understand it, it will help the transition process to hopefully be a bit smoother.

Ease Your Child’s Anxiety About Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Your child’s anxiety about divorce might make you feel guilty, but remember that you’re making the best decision for them in the end. They should grow up with functional co-parents than constantly fighting married parents. Know some common ways that children show anxiety and be on the lookout. Remember that calendar, repetition, and routine are your friends. Talk it out with your children and be a sounding board for them when they have questions. And finally, reassure them constantly and give them time to adjust. This is a new lifestyle for them too, so it can take some getting used to. Kids are resilient though and typically adjust to new changes fairly quickly.

Ease Your Child’s Anxiety About Divorce: Help Through the Difficult Time

Signs of Anxiety

If you want to ease your child’s anxiety about divorce, it’s important to be able to recognize it first. Children show anxiety in many different ways and a lot depends on their age and personality. However, some classic signs of anxiety would be an increase in moodiness or if they get upset easily. Some children show more aggressive behavior than usual. And others regress with things like potty training or sleep. If you see any of these signs, it might indicate that your child is feeling some stress over the divorce.

Routine

Children thrive on routines. Your child’s anxiety about divorce likely stems from the change to their schedule and lifestyle. If you and your ex can keep your routines consistent no matter which house the children are in, it will help your kids. Try to keep their wake-up times, bedtimes, mealtimes, and activities the same throughout the divorce process and afterward. Having a routine that they can count on gives children a sense of confidence and security.

Talk it Out

Another important thing to help ease your child’s anxiety about divorce is to talk it out with them. Make sure that you are always open and honest with them if they have questions about the divorce. Some children want to talk and some get quiet. However, they must know they can come to you with any questions or problems.

Reassure Them

Finally, your child’s anxiety about divorce might stem from a feeling of guilt. Many children begin to think that a divorce is their fault even if there’s no reason to think this. Constantly reassure them that the divorce had nothing to do with them. Also, make sure to reassure them all the time about how much they are loved. Even older children need to hear this more often when they are going through a stressful time. Your child’s anxiety about divorce is perfectly normal and expected. Almost all children react in some way to the stress of their parents splitting up. However, children typically bounce back very quickly and get used to a new routine. Be on the lookout for classic signs of anxiety-like moodiness or regressions. Keep their routine as similar as possible so that they can depend on their schedule. Make sure that your children know they can always talk to you about the divorce. And finally, reassure them constantly about how much you love them and that the divorce is not their fault. And remember, you are making the best decision for them in the long run because you will hopefully be happier post-divorce, which is the best thing for kids to see.

What Happens During Marriage Counseling?

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Many people wonder what happens during marriage counseling. If you and your partner are thinking about going to a counselor, you might want to know what you can expect to learn. Of course, everything depends on the couple and the therapist. However, there are a few things that you will likely learn with almost any counselor. One of these is communication. You’ll probably also cover some conflict resolution. Many counselors give you real tools for dealing with difficult life stages. They also might encourage you to keep coming throughout your marriage. And finally, it’s also important to know that marriage counseling is not a place for venting. It’s a place to come together and learn to be in a healthier marriage. Hopefully, you’ll learn valuable tools to help make your marriage as strong as possible.

What Happens During Marriage Counseling? What to Expect to Learn

Communication

Everybody knows that good communication is the basis of any healthy marriage. However, it often takes marriage counseling for couples to understand how to do it. People communicate differently than each other. You and your partner might have very different styles. Things can get lost in translation if this is the case. Or blown out of proportion. A therapist can help you figure out how to better communicate with each other. And also how to better listen to each other. Not just the words you use but the hidden meaning behind them that is based on your particular style of communication.

Conflict-Resolution

Another important tool that you will hopefully learn in marriage counseling is conflict resolution. Just like communication, people also fight differently. One partner might want to talk about issues whereas the other wants to ignore them. Learning to address your problems healthily and respectfully is key. But it can also be hard to learn. A marriage counselor might be able to smooth things over since they will be able to see both sides of a conflict.

Advice for Difficult Life Stages

Marriage counseling should also provide you with tools for handling tough life stages. Many people recommend marriage counseling when your relationship is struggling. But it’s also helpful to go when it’s healthy. If you are going through a tough life stage, a counselor can be very helpful. Transition periods, adultery, or dealing with grief are examples of life stages that they can help you through. Hopefully, they’ll give you some tools for healthily channeling your emotions and communicating them with your partner. They will also likely encourage you to come back if anything comes up in your marriage that you feel you need help navigating.

Not a Venting Session

Finally, while it’s important to know what a counseling session involves, it’s also important to know what a counseling session doesn’t involve. And that is ranting. A counseling session is not a place to vent all your frustrations with your spouse and expect a counselor to side with you. Or expect them to only address your partner’s issues. You might feel that the problems are one-sided. But likely, a counselor will help you to see that there is usually fault on both sides. And also usually room for improvement on both sides. Marriage counseling is a valuable tool for any healthy relationship. While each therapist and couple are different, your sessions should include some of the same ideas. For example, communication is likely to be a hot topic. You’ll also probably work on conflict resolution. Many counselors give you advice for tough life stages. They’ll probably also ask you to come back periodically to check in. And finally, it’s good to know in advance that this is not a place to rant. A counselor is more interested in helping you grow than hearing complaints. Hopefully, they’ll help you learn to trust one another and open up more. Marriage counseling can give you the tools to help you work together to make and keep your relationship as strong as possible.