Household Transitions: Post-Divorce Adjustments

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Having to adapt to two different households can be tough for your kids after your divorce. As a result, it’s important to try and make those household transitions easier for your children. After all, this is completely new to every one of you. Taking time and consideration will help them a lot with going in-between you and your ex’s homes…

Household Transitions: Make Them Easier

Go over your schedule

You won’t want your kids to be caught off guard by a household transition. Not knowing when they’ll need to go from one home to the other can be a source of great anxiety for them. Rather, it’s best you talk to them ahead of time about the schedule you and your co-parent are working on.

Doing this will help your kids better prepare for making these transitions. Plus, it’s very easy to help them keep track, especially when you’re first starting out. A simple calendar can be all they need to easily keep track of when they’re going to make the switch to the other household.

 Avoid making them keep a bag

It’s pretty natural for us to pack a bag when we’re making a trip. In this context, however, it’s probably best that you make it so your kids won’t need to do so. Having them pack a bag of their stuff each time they go between homes can make these household transitions a lot harder on them.

Basically, this causes their homes to not really feel like a home. Rather, they’ll constantly feel like they have one foot out the door. It can also be stressful if they forget something at another house. Instead, you should both make it so there’s very little your kids will need when they go from one house to the other.

Avoid changeover conflict

For parents, the tricky part of household transitions can be having to be together again. Depending on your co-parenting relationship, these meetups can be potential points of contention for the both of you. This is especially true if there was something related to the kids that you recently disagreed on.

Still, you want to avoid any conflict during these transitions. Not only will it be bad for your co-parenting goals, but it’ll also be bad for the kids as well. Save those types of conversations for another time so your kids won’t be caught up in the blow back.

Meeting People After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Meeting people after a divorce can feel a little intimidating, whether you’re looking to make some new friends or potentially meet a new partner. Divorce can be isolating, as can a dysfunctional marriage. Many people, go through the divorce proceeding and then realize they are lonely when all of it is over. Be patient with yourself and remember to take plenty of time before moving on to a new partner. A divorce support group is a great way to make friends with others who have been through similar circumstances. You might also meet somebody new if you expand your horizons and try some new hobbies. Finally, don’t underestimate the power of a friendly attitude. Hopefully, you can surround yourself with supportive friends and maybe even think about dating again.

Meeting People After Divorce: Getting Back Out There

Be Patient

Meeting people after a divorce can take some time. You might struggle to maintain friendships with couples that you knew when you were married. Or you might have lost touch with old friends over the years. It’s never too late to reach out to past acquaintances. But if you’re looking to meet some new people, give yourself time. If you’re considering dating again, make sure that you’ve taken plenty of time to process your feelings and heal from the divorce.

Divorce Support Group

A divorce support group can help meet people after a divorce. There are various kinds of support groups, and you might need to shop around to find the best fit for you. Some groups meet to talk through their experiences, and groups meet to go on group hikes. And everything in between! Explore local groups and see if anything clicks for you.

Try a New Hobby

Trying a new hobby is another great way of meeting people after a divorce. Immerse yourself in something new and exciting. Now is the time to focus on your own needs, so explore something that you’ve always wanted to do. Improving at a new skill like salsa dancing or painting will also give you a self-confidence boost.

Be Open and Friendly

Finally, sometimes meeting people after divorce is all about just having an open and friendly attitude. Be kind to people when you’re out and about. Say hello to strangers, or strike up a conversation while you wait for your coffee order. Say yes to invitations from friends, even if you worry you might not know many people at the event. You never know where you might meet your next special someone. Going through the process of divorce can be very isolating and draining for many people. It can be stressful too and keeps you busy all the time. Often, this means that friendships take a back seat. Plus, if your social group mainly consists of couples, it can be difficult to feel connected. Meeting people after divorce that you have more in common with can be helpful, especially if you’re curious about getting back into the dating world. Consider divorce support groups and meetup groups if you’re looking to connect with other divorcees. Additionally, now is a great time to delve into a new hobby and take some classes. Finally, have a friendly and approachable attitude when you’re out and about, and try to say yes to social invitations whenever possible. Hopefully, by being brave and putting yourself out there, you’ll meet some great friends and make some lasting connections.

Talking to Your Children About Separation

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Talking to your children about separation and divorce can be an incredibly painful conversation. For many couples, the fear of discussions like this forces them to stay married far longer than is healthy. The truth is, your children will be happier with parents that can peacefully co-parent than with parents that continue to live together with a toxic relationship. Present a united front and try to talk to them as a team. Choose age-appropriate resources to help you with explaining what’s happening. Reassure them that they’ll get used to these changes quickly and that you love them just the same as always. And finally, give them space to react and ask questions or voice concerns. While it can be difficult to have the conversation, hopefully, it will clear the path for honest communication about the transition they’re facing.

Talking to Your Children About Separation: Reassuring Them

Present a United Front

If you and your spouse are talking to your children about separation, it’s very helpful to present a united front. Sit down with them together and explain the situation without using harmful or blaming language. Don’t air all of your dirty laundries, but instead use simple and easy-to-understand terms. Even when you are apart, don’t trash talk one another in front of your children as it can create confusion and anxiety for them.

Choose Age-Appropriate Resources

Another thing that can be helpful when talking to your children about separation is to use age-appropriate resources. For younger children, there might be picture books or tv shows that focus on the concept of divorce and separation. For older children, they might appreciate having a peer counselor or therapist to speak to about their feelings.

Reassure Them

No matter what, be reassuring when talking to your children about separation. Children often take on a lot of the blame for parents splitting up. So make sure they understand that this was your choice and that you both love them just the same. Even older children can use a little extra reassurance during this transitional period. Additionally, let them know that you’ll all get used to these changes quickly and their lives will feel completely normal soon enough.

Let Them Ask Questions

Finally, after talking to your children about separation, give them plenty of space to process their emotions. They might react with anger, hurt, anxiety, or several other emotions. Give them space to ask any questions they need or voice any concerns. Older children might benefit from having a non-parent adult to talk to. And younger children might show signs of regression like issues with potty training or sleep. All of these reactions are normal, and your children will hopefully adjust quickly. Talking to your children about separation can be difficult, but it’s important to let them know what to expect in the coming weeks and months. Especially if you and your spouse are moving forward with a divorce. Talk to them as a team if you can, and avoid bashing each other or blaming one another in front of them. Use age-appropriate books and resources to help them understand. Be extra reassuring during this transitional stage, even with older children. And finally, give them plenty of time and space to process their reaction to the situation. Hopefully, you’ll all adjust quickly and move forward into the next chapter of your lives with peaceful co-parenting as a goal.

Fighting Loneliness After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Fighting loneliness after divorce can be tough. You have likely been living with another person for many years, and it can be quite hard to suddenly learn to live alone. However, know that you will quickly get used to your new situation. It can help to reconnect with old friends that you’ve lost touch with. You can also make new friends by joining a local meet-up group or getting back out into the dating world. It helps to stay busy with hobbies and interests. And finally, adopting a pet is always a great way to fight loneliness. Divorce is stressful and difficult, but for many, adapting to their new way of life is just as hard. Hopefully, you will be able to adjust quickly and find some ways to fill your time and help battle loneliness.

Fighting Loneliness After Divorce: Adjusting to Your New Normal

Reconnect with Old Friends

Fighting loneliness after divorce can start with reconnecting with old friends. The divorce process is stressful and complicated. It can often take up tons of your time. So it’s possible that you haven’t had time for friends lately. Now is a great time to reach out and try to re-connect. Invite them out for a quick bite or a cup of coffee to catch up.

Join a Local Meet-Up Group or Dating Website

Another way of fighting loneliness after divorce is to join a local meet-up group. There are groups for many different hobbies and interests. There are also groups specifically for divorcees. And of course, if you are comfortable and feel ready, you can always re-join the dating pool. It can be scary at first, but if you take your time and take things slow, you might connect with somebody amazing.

Stay Busy

Fighting loneliness after divorce is easiest if you stay busy. Boredom always increases feelings of loneliness. Try to focus on a new hobby or interest. Or reconnect with an old passion. You can take classes, explore museums, or even do virtual tours. Taking up a new hobby is also a great way to meet new people who share the same interests as you.

Adopt a Pet

Finally, one final and fun way of fighting loneliness after divorce is to adopt a pet. There are many needy animals out there just looking to be adopted by a loving parent like you. Just make sure that you have the time and energy to dedicate to a pet. Consider rescuing a pet from a local rescue group, shelter, or foster service instead of going to a breeder. Fighting loneliness after divorce can be hard. It’s difficult when you’ve lived with another person for many years to suddenly adjust to single life. Even just learning to cook for one can be an adjustment. However, you can fight the loneliness by making time to reconnect with old friends. Or you can take up a new hobby. This is also a great way to meet somebody new to date or some new friends. There are plenty of meetup groups available to fit any interest. If you feel ready, try online dating, or asking a friend to set you up on a date. And finally, adopting a pet can be a great way to get a loving buddy for many years. Hopefully, you’ll adjust to your new normal quickly and find happiness.

Divorce Transition for Babies

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
While we often think about the difficulties of divorce in older children, the divorce transition for babies can also be tough. Even infants can sense when parents are anxious, so they might pick up on divorce stress. To prevent any sort of disruptions, focus on quality time with your children when you are around them. Try to keep your schedules across your and your ex’s houses the same. And finally, now is the time to work on perfecting the art of co-parenting. Divorce is tough on everybody, and that includes very young children as well. Make things as smooth as possible for everyone by focusing on quality time together and peaceful co-parenting.

Divorce Transition for Babies: Smoothing Things Out

Do Babies Understand Divorce?

While the divorce transition for babies is very different than for older children, infants still do have stress during a divorce. Even young babies who have no idea what divorce is can pick up on stress in their parents and older siblings. Especially if their parents are fighting with one another in front of them. So try to limit your arguments with your ex in front of children, even infants.

Focus on Quality Time

Focusing on quality time can help with the divorce transition for babies. You and your ex might be switching childcare, or having your child go back and forth between your houses. If that’s the case, really focus on keeping your time together sacred. Set aside the phone and pay attention to your child and their needs. Play with them and make the moments that you do have together extra special.

Keep Schedules Consistent

Babies thrive on consistency, so to ease the divorce transition for babies, keep your schedules the same across your houses. You and your ex should follow similar times for napping, sleeping, feeding, and play times. The more consistent you can be, the easier the transitional period will be for your child.

Perfect Your Co-Parenting

The absolute best thing that parents can do for children of any age is to get great at co-parenting. Coordinating custody schedules, sharing responsibilities, splitting holidays, and getting along with your ex are all skills that take time to perfect. While babies might be more difficult on your sleep schedule, they have relatively few obligations. Unlike older children who have extra-curricular and sports schedules to maintain. Use this time to perfect your co-parenting skills so that it’ll be a breeze to handle when your child’s schedule gets more complicated. The divorce transition for babies is not as difficult as for older children, but it’s still important to be mindful of your infant’s needs at this time. While babies certainly don’t understand what a divorce means, they do pick up on tension and stress when parents argue in front of them. Try to limit any fights to when you and your ex are in private. Additionally, keep your schedules as consistent as possible between your houses. Focus on making the time you have with your infant quality time. And finally, work on perfecting your co-parenting skills now so that you can handle more complicated schedules and childcare needs in the future. Hopefully, you and your ex can make this transitional period easier for everybody.

Becoming a Single Parent After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Becoming a single parent after a divorce can seem impossible and overwhelming. Dealing with children of any age can be taxing, and going alone can be daunting. However, many times, children are better off with parents who peacefully co-parent than they are living with parents who are forcing them to stay in an unhappy marriage. If you have decided to divorce, the first thing to do is to re-examine your budget. Figure out what you can outsource to others, and don’t be afraid to ask for help. Accept that you’ll need to let some things go, but remember that your children will be just fine. Especially if you focus on prioritizing your mental health, as well as theirs. Hopefully, you can figure out this new single-parent lifestyle quickly.

Becoming a Single Parent After Divorce: How Do I Survive?

Look at the Budget

Becoming a single parent after divorce might mean a big change to your finances. Suddenly, you’re dealing with one income instead of two, plus you might be figuring out things like support payments. Sitting down to re-examine your budget is a great way to get a feel for whether or not you need to make some changes to your lifestyle.

Get Help

Another thing that budgeting can help you figure out is what tasks you can afford to outsource. Becoming a single parent after divorce means that suddenly you are also the sole manager of the household. If you can afford to hire out things like child care, lawn care, laundry, and cleaning, it might help you stay in control of your schedule. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from friends or family, especially while you are adjusting to this new lifestyle.

Let Some Things Go

It’s important to remember that you’ll need to let some things go when becoming a single parent after divorce. You can’t be everywhere at once and still stay focused. So try to pick and choose the things that are important to you. For example, maybe you care very much about coaching your child’s basketball team, but you don’t have time to volunteer at school lunches. Or perhaps delegating a task at work to another employee gets you home in time to take your children to a playground in the evening.

Prioritize

Focusing on the really important things should also include self-care. Sacrificing your time will eventually leave you feeling exhausted and at a breaking point. You can’t be the parent that you want to be if your tank is empty. So prioritize some self-care each week and give yourself some grace. Remember that all your children need in life is your love, acceptance, and your support. It’s okay to let some extracurricular activities go if it means giving your best self to your children and focusing on their happiness. Becoming a single parent after divorce can feel daunting, and it is one of the reasons why many couples choose to stay together, even if they are unhappy. However, parenting alone is a transition just like any other, and one that you can get used to if you give yourself some time and patience. Look over your budget now that the divorce is final, and decide if there are tasks that you can afford to hire out to others. If friends or family offer help, take them up on it. And remember that it’s okay to let some things go. Prioritize your happiness and your children’s happiness, and don’t sweat the small stuff. Hopefully, you and your children can adjust quickly to this new change in your life.

Pet Custody During a Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Pet custody during a divorce can be a sticky topic. Your pets become like members of your family, and if you are considering divorce, the idea of your pet living apart from you can be devastating. Many couples wonder if they can legally share custody of their pets. The truth is that although pets feel like family members in our hearts, legally, they are property. Therefore, a judge will consider many factors when deciding which spouse should keep that “asset.” They will do their best to ensure that their decision means that things are fair and equitable. However, although an attorney cannot represent you in a pet custody case, you and your ex could certainly decide on your separation and custody agreement outside of the court.

Pet Custody During a Divorce: Can You Share Custody of Your Fur Baby?

Pets are Property

When looking at pet custody during a divorce, pets are considered legally to be property. Although they become important members of the family, they are not “children.” Instead, a judge will assign them a monetary value. Then they are considered during the divorce as an asset to be divided or reimbursed for equitably.

Deciding What’s Fair

One of the things that a court will look at when deciding on pet custody during a divorce is whether or not the pet is a marital asset. If one spouse or the other had the pet before the relationship began, the court might take that into account. However, the court will look at other factors if the pet was acquired together during the marriage.

Dividing Things Equitably

When figuring out pet custody during a divorce, the pet is legally an asset for the couple. This means, that when the court decides how to split up other assets, they’ll include the pet. The pet will get a monetary value and one spouse will keep the pet. Then, the court will grant the other spouse something of equal value.

Custody Agreement

While the court will not address pet custody during a divorce, you and your ex-spouse can certainly come up with your agreement outside of the court. You can create a separation agreement or even a custody agreement. Some couples choose to have visitation with a pet, while others allow the pet to live with one spouse for some amount of time and then switch. Pet custody during a divorce is a common concern for couples. Although your pet is a piece of property with monetary value in the eyes of the law, that’s not usually how we view our furry friends. Instead, they become like little family members to us. When a couple splits up, it can be a big stress to figure out how to handle pet custody. If the couple cannot agree, the court will decide for them. They’ll do this by assigning a monetary value to the pet. Then, they’ll look at several factors to decide who keeps the pet and who gets something of equal value in the divorce settlement. However, although the court won’t create a separation agreement and custody order for your pet, you and your ex can do that on your own. Hopefully, you can come to an agreement that works for you both.

Potty Training Regressions After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Potty training regressions after divorce are very common and completely normal. Divorce is stressful for everybody, children included. Even if they don’t know what’s going on, they often pick up the tension in their parents and experience anxiety. This can lead to all sorts of behavioral regressions, potty training included. Be patient, and give your child time to bounce back. You can also go back to the basics of potty training like getting on a schedule and using a reward system. However, if the issues continue for months on end, it’s probably time to speak to a professional and make sure that your child is getting the emotional support they need to handle the stress. Hopefully, any regressions will be short-lived and you and your family will move on to your new routine quickly and painlessly.

Potty Training Regressions After Divorce: Totally normal

Why does it happen?

Potty training regressions after divorce are a very common reaction in younger children. Many things can upset a potty training schedule. Even things like a child not wanting to give up a toy or simply forgetting to use the bathroom. However, stress and anxiety can also wreak havoc on child behavior. Children react differently than adults do to stress, and sometimes the feeling of being out of control leads to potty training regressions.

Be Patient

If your child is suffering potty training regressions after divorce, the best thing that you can do is to be patient with them. These types of behavioral regressions tend to be short-lived. You might also notice things like disturbances in sleep patterns, food aversions, or behavioral issues. Otherwise chatty and easy-going children might be moody or quick to anger. Most regressions last about a month or so.

Addressing the Issue

To address the issue of potty training regressions after divorce, it can help to go back to the basics. Remind your child to use the bathroom every thirty minutes to one hour. Additionally, make sure to keep them on a very regular routine with sleeping and eating. Children thrive on consistency. You can also try out a reward system where children get a sticker or something fun when they remember to potty.

When to Get Help

If you have tried addressing the potty training regressions after divorce but it’s not working, it might be time to explore other options. Rule out any medical issues first. Then, consider having your child meet with a childhood psychologist or try out play therapy. It’s important to get to the root of their stress and give them healthy ways to cope. Sometimes, children open up more to adults who aren’t their parents. Potty training regressions after divorce are very common and very normal. Behavioral regressions in general are often a reaction to children going through stressful events. For example, divorce, adding a new sibling, moving, or changing schools. If your child is experiencing some regressions, be patient and remember that these things tend to only last a few weeks. If the behavior continues, try addressing it by maintaining a consistent schedule and installing a rewards system. Hopefully, your child will adjust to their new routine quickly. However, if the regressions continue for several months, it’s probably time to reach out to your pediatrician or another professional. Divorce is hard on everybody, kids included, so be patient and remember that this too shall pass.

Dealing with Divorce Embarrassment

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
While it’s perfectly normal to go through a divorce, unfortunately, many people still experience divorce embarrassment afterward. There is absolutely no reason to feel shame about ending a marriage that is unhealthy. However, if you are struggling with these feelings, it can help to try to put things into perspective. Look at the bigger picture and remember that this is leading to better things for you. Cut out toxicity in your life if people are surrounding you that are adding to your guilt. Find a way to talk about your divorce, and practice it so that you are prepared when questions come up. And finally, if you are truly struggling with these feelings, it might help to speak to a therapist. Hopefully, they can help you learn some coping mechanisms and self-acceptance so that you can realize that divorce is not just an ending but also a new beginning.

Dealing with Divorce Embarrassment: Learning Self-Acceptance

Put Things in Perspective

One thing that can be very helpful if you are experiencing divorce embarrassment is to try to put things into perspective. Remember that this feels like a huge part of your life right now, but eventually, you will move on. And you might even move on with a person that is a much better fit. You can have an entire second life ahead of you, and this will be just a blip eventually. It’s also important to remember that it’s far more embarrassing to stay in a marriage that makes you unhappy for years and years than to go through a divorce.

Cut Out Toxicity

Divorce is incredibly common these days. However, there still might be some people in your life that make you feel ashamed of your marriage ending. This can add to divorce embarrassment and is uncalled for. Divorce can be very healthy if you are in an unhappy marriage. Cut out toxic people in your life that do not support your decision. Try to surround yourself with supportive friends and family who understand that you made the right decision for your family.

Find a Way to Talk About It

Dealing with divorce embarrassment can be difficult, especially when your divorce is brought up suddenly. Find a way to talk about your divorce, and practice out loud to yourself. Repeating the words to yourself can normalize them and make you feel more comfortable when talking to others. Try to remember that nobody will judge you for having this experience. You’ll meet many people throughout your life that have been through the same thing.

Therapy

Finally, if you are truly struggling with divorce embarrassment, it’s time to speak to a professional about it. A therapist can help you organize your thoughts and pinpoint where the shame is coming from. They can give you great coping skills to deal with stress. Finally, they can help you learn self-acceptance and help you see the positive side of divorce. Divorce embarrassment is completely normal, but there’s still no reason to experience shame about your marriage ending. Not only is divorce very common, but it’s also often the best thing for your future and well-being. Staying in an unhappy marriage is much worse than going through the stigma of a divorce. Try to remind yourself that you made the best decision. Cut out toxic people in your life that are making you feel ashamed about it. Practice talking about your divorce out loud so that you don’t feel embarrassed to speak to others about your experience. And finally, talk to a therapist if you are struggling with feelings of shame and guilt. Hopefully, you can move on quickly and begin the process of healing.

Spotting Signs of Depression After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Depression after divorce is very common. Divorce is a hugely stressful event, and it marks the end of a marriage and future that you imagined for yourself. It’s okay to grieve over this loss. However, if the grief seems to be affecting your whole life, it’s important to pay attention to signs of depression. A lack of energy or feeling of hopelessness, or sleep disturbances might indicate some depression as can a lack of enjoyment in things you normally like to do. If the grief is causing problems in your life, or if you ever have thoughts of harming yourself or others, it’s time to seek help immediately. Many treatments might be able to help you overcome these feelings and get back to living your life.

Spotting Signs of Depression After Divorce: Know the Symptoms

Lack of Energy

One of the signs of depression after divorce is a lack of energy. It’s perfectly okay to want to take a little break and rest after your divorce is finalized. After all, it’s an incredibly draining process that can last a long time. However, if many weeks have gone by and you’re finding it hard to muster the energy for leaving the house or participating in activities, it might be time to look for some support.

Sleep Issues

Sleep disturbances can also be one of the symptoms of depression after divorce to watch out for. That might mean insomnia keeping you up all night, or an inability to get out of bed and sleeping the day away. If the pattern is different from your typical sleep, then it’s a cause to speak to a doctor or therapist. Do not try to self-medicate to get to sleep because some sleep medicines can become addictive.

Lack of Enjoyment

Another sign of depression after divorce is a lack of enjoyment in normal activities. If you are finding it difficult to enjoy the things in life that you normally do, it’s a cause for concern. While it’s normal to feel the blues after a divorce, you don’t want it to be sucking all the joy out of your life. In addition, feeling hopeless, or feeling like things will never get back to normal can also be signs of depression.

When to Get Help

It’s important to reach out and get help if you are experiencing symptoms of depression after divorce. There are many therapies, treatments, and medications you can try that might help you get back on your feet and feel like yourself. If you ever have thoughts of harming yourself or others, call for help immediately. Call a friend or family member to help you, call 911, or try the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988. Depression after divorce is quite common, but that doesn’t make it less concerning or difficult to deal with. It’s important to get the support you need to get through this tough time. If you are noticing signs of depression like a lack of energy, lack of enjoyment out of activities, or sleep disturbances, it’s important to reach out for help. If you experience suicidal thoughts, it’s an emergency. Therapy can be very helpful, as can outpatient and in-patient treatment plans for depression. In addition, there are medications that a doctor might be able to prescribe that can help you overcome these feelings and get back to feeling like yourself. Hopefully, you can get the support you need to get back on your feet and look forward to the next chapter of your life.