Toxic Marriage: Signs To Watch For

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Ending up in a marriage where you’ve fallen out of love can be tough to grapple with. It can also be hard to tell when exactly this shift has occurred. However, there are some common signs of a toxic marriage you can look out for. That way, you can know when your marriage may no longer be working out…

Toxic Marriage: Common Indicators

No longer friends

One sign of a toxic marriage is when you feel like you aren’t friends with your partner anymore. It’s important for a couple to be friends as well as lover. You should be able to hang out and have fun, just like you would be if you were only friends.

If you find that you can’t do that anymore, though, then it could indicate things have turned toxic. This is especially true if you find yourself feeling awkward of frustrated when hanging out with them. Once you can no longer be friendly, your marriage itself will begin to weaken.

You can’t compromise

Something else which is important for a good marriage is compromising. Being able to compromise with your spouse is important for keeping the peace. As you strike a balance with a compromise, it shows that you and your partner can still work together to find solutions, even if you disagree at first.

Not being able to compromise can be an indication of a toxic marriage. Instead of being able to meet in the middle, you’ll both fight over who is right and who is wrong. This shows that you and your partner don’t respect each other’s feelings or opinions anymore.

You imagine a marriage-free life

A pretty apparent sign that you’re in a toxic marriage is when you’re already envisioning a life outside of it. When you thought about your future before, you probably envisioned being with your spouse. The goals you had planned out were something that you felt you could achieve alongside your spouse, while helping them do the same.

Now, it could be the case that you don’t even think about them being in your plans anymore. Rather, you imagine yourself doing things on your own. At this point, it can be pretty clear that there’s a lack of connection between you and your partner.

Surviving Relationship Abuse: Physical and Emotional

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Surviving relationship abuse doesn’t just mean getting out of the partnership safely, it also means getting the help you need to heal physically and emotionally from the ordeal. Abuse can take many forms. It can look like physical abuse in the form of hitting, slapping, choking, or sexual assault. Or it can be emotional and look like isolation or gaslighting. Abuse can escalate into more and more extreme forms of violence and can even be deadly. Find support if you are in an abusive relationship, and start making an emergency plan. Additionally, begin considering how to exit the relationship safely. Finally, when you are free from your abuser, find the support you need to heal from wounds, both physical and emotional. Hopefully, you can move on to a more healthy relationship in the future.

Surviving Relationship Abuse: Physical and Emotional

Find Support

Surviving relationship abuse is easier if you can build a support network around yourself. This means finding people that believe in you and who will keep your confidence. Speak to a friend or family member you trust about what is happening in your relationship. They might be able to offer you a safe place to stay, a sympathetic ear, money to help you get away, or connections to support networks for domestic abuse.

Create an Emergency Plan

Another important thing to remember is that things can escalate quickly. Especially if the abuse is already physical. It’s best to have an emergency plan in case things ever get out of control. Decide where the safest place in the house is where you can put a locked door between yourself and your abuser. More importantly, arrange for a safe place outside of your house that you and any children can go to at a moment’s notice if needed.

Exit the Relationship

Surviving relationship abuse is really all about getting away safely and exiting the relationship. Abusers do not stop on their own. Abuse often escalates into more and more extreme forms. The only way to ensure your safety is to get away from your abuser once and for all. If you are in an abusive marriage, begin speaking with an experienced attorney about divorce options. In some cases, proving abuse can impact your divorce timeline and outcome.

Find Help For Healing

Finally, surviving relationship abuse isn’t just about getting away. It’s also about healing and moving on to more healthy relationships. Reach out to a therapist, or consider looking into support networks for survivors of domestic violence. Healing can be both physical and emotional. The wounds that abusers create can last many years, but there is support available. Surviving relationship abuse is no small feat. Whether you are suffering from physical abuse from a partner or emotional abuse, the healing process can take a long time. Abuse is all about control, and unfortunately, abusers don’t stop on their own. They might escalate into more extreme forms of abuse or violence. To ensure that you are safe, you must make a plan to get away from your abuser once and for all. Reach out to a trusted friend or family member, and create an emergency plan. Then, work on exiting the relationship safely and healing from the experience. Hopefully, you can find the support you need to move on to a happier life and a more healthy relationship in the future.

Talking to Your Therapist About Abuse

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Talking to your therapist about abuse in your marriage or relationship can be painful but helpful. If you are dealing with past trauma, they can help you come to terms with it and find ways to minimize the emotional scars. If the abuse is ongoing, they can give you advice on how to de-escalate situations and get yourself to safety. Your therapist must maintain confidentiality, so it’s safe to tell them. However, don’t tell half-truths or lies if you want therapy to be effective. Opening up can be painful, but take it at your own pace. And finally, if you are feeling discomfort, talk to your therapist about it. Or figure out if it’s time to find somebody new to talk to. Hopefully, they can give you advice to help you safely exit the relationship to keep yourself safe from abuse.

Talking to Your Therapist About Abuse: Confidentiality and Comfort

Confidentiality

Talking to your therapist about abuse is confidential, as long as it does not actively involve a child. Therapists have to report concerns if they fear that you are in danger of hurting yourself. Or if they suspect child abuse or crime. However, if you want to be sure, ask them about their confidentiality policies. You don’t ever have to fear that word will get back to your abuser, though.

Don’t Tell Lies

When talking to your therapist about abuse, it’s important to be completely truthful. Don’t tell lies, omit important details, or tell half-truths. This won’t give your therapist the information they need to truly help you. If you want your therapy to be as effective as possible, then you’ll need to be completely honest.

Opening Up

It can be painful and uncomfortable when talking to your therapist about abuse in your relationship. Take things at your own pace, and go as slowly as you need to. Your therapist should be able to help you navigate this conversation at a pace that feels comfortable to you. Just remember that the more you open up, the more helpful they can be.

Discomfort

Finally, if you are experiencing a lot of discomforts when talking to your therapist about abuse in your marriage, it might be a sign that it’s not a great fit between you. You can talk to them about your discomfort and see if that helps reduce the tension. However, if you don’t feel completely comfortable about being vulnerable with your therapist, it might be time to find a new one.

Talking to your therapist about abuse in your marriage is one way to help reduce the emotional scars that come from this form of trauma. In addition, they can help you navigate the abuse to hopefully exit the relationship safely and de-escalate situations at home. Your therapist will keep everything you tell them in strict confidence in most situations, and you can always discuss their confidentiality policy ahead of time. Be fully honest with them if you want to get the most out of your sessions, and go as slowly as you need to when telling your story. Finally, if you are feeling uncomfortable, it might be a sign that you should have a conversation with your therapist or even begin the search for somebody that is a better fit. Hopefully, they can help you navigate this tough situation.

Controlling Spouse: Signs of Abuse

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

One thing which is important to remember is that an abusive relationship doesn’t just have to be physical. Emotional abuse is very serious, and commonly comes in the form of a controlling spouse. Knowing some indicators of this attempted control can help you better see if they’re reflected in your own marriage…

Controlling Spouse: Potential Signs

Social isolation

One thing a controlling spouse might do is isolate you socially. People who try and control others are keen to try and limit their time spent with others. This is because they might be jealous, or worry others will threaten their control over you. Due to this, they’ll try and cut them out of your life.

This isolation can apply to both your friends and family. It might start off slowly, like with them getting annoyed when you go out with friends or see family. Eventually, it could escalate into them telling you that you can’t go out at all. When this starts happening, it’s a clear sign they’re trying to control you.

Manipulating emotions

A controlling spouse also tends to be emotionally manipulative. They may do this in a few different ways. One way is by constantly criticizing you in an effort to lower your self-esteem, while making acceptance conditional. For example, they may only give you praise when you do something specifically for them.

Guilt-tripping is also another way they might manipulate you. They’ll do this by making you feel guilty for things you do, even if they aren’t wrong or are outside of your control. If you feel emotionally beholden to them, then they can really begin to control you.

Privacy invasion

Privacy invasion is also something a controlling spouse will do. They want to keep tabs on what you’re doing at all times, leaving you with no sense of privacy. They could try and track your social media activity, or constantly call and text asking where you are. Sometimes, they may even go through your phone or computer when you aren’t looking.

Not only does this show their controlling nature, but it also shows they don’t trust you. Mutual trust is important for any relationship. A lack of trust, combined with this sort of control, indicates potential future problems.

Confronting Abuse: Do’s and Don’ts

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Confronting abuse can be a way to exit a relationship, but you need to make sure that you do it safely. An abuser can escalate quickly and turn a confrontational situation into a dangerous one. Don’t engage with them when they are displaying abusive behavior. In addition, don’t try to reason with them about the abuse because likely it will not work and can also escalate the problem. It is a good idea to make an exit plan that gets you away from the relationship safely. And finally, try to find things that build up your self-esteem so that you can begin the healing process. Whether the abuse is emotional, physical, sexual, or financial, it’s inexcusable in a relationship.

Confronting Abuse: Do’s and Don’t to Keep Yourself Safe

Don’t: Engage

When confronting abuse, it’s important not to engage when the abuser is displaying overtly abusive behavior. This will only make the situation worse. For example, if an emotional abuser begins insulting you or questioning your actions, don’t begin arguing back. Instead, set boundaries. Let them know you won’t tolerate their behavior. Tell them if they continue their actions, you’ll leave the room. Then follow through with your boundaries.

Don’t: Try to Reason

Abuse is always about power, so it doesn’t necessarily have a logical reason behind it. Therefore, when confronting abuse, don’t try to reason with your abuser. They will not change their minds, and likely, the abuse will never stop. Instead, try to find a support network. Reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist and let them help you figure out a safe exit from the relationship.

Do: Make an Exit Plan

Confronting abuse is not likely going to make it stop. Abusers rarely stop abusing their victims. Instead, things tend to escalate. Therefore, the only way to protect yourself is to leave the relationship. Get a friend or loved one to help you make a plan. Begin saving money and figuring out a safe place to go. Your community will likely have local resources for victims of abuse that can help you find a way out of your situation.

Do: Build Up Self-Esteem

Finally, after confronting abuse, try to find ways to build up your self-esteem. Whether the abuse is physical or emotional, it can leave lasting scars. Abusers thrive on taking away the confidence of their victims. After you exit the relationship, try to find activities that bring you joy and boost your self-confidence. Set reachable goals for yourself and find supportive friends who will cheer you on when you reach those goals.

Confronting abuse can be a dangerous thing to do, so sometimes, simply exiting a relationship is the safer move. Do not engage with an abuser because it can escalate a situation. Instead, set boundaries for yourself and stick to them. Don’t try to reason with an abuser either, but instead, find a support network that will legitimize your feelings. Try to make an exit plan with your support network so that you can leave the relationship safely. And finally, try to build back your self-confidence by finding hobbies or activities that bring you joy. Abuse can be incredibly damaging for victims, so getting away from a relationship as quickly and safely as possible is the only way to protect yourself.

Relationship Abuse: Different Types

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Relationship abuse can take many forms. It’s important to know the various types of abuse so that you can recognize them in your own life and in the lives of people you care about. Physical abuse is the most well-known type of abuse. It involves physical acts of aggression. However, relationship abuse doesn’t have to be physical. Sometimes emotional or verbal abuse is equally as harmful. Sexual abuse can be a form of both physical and emotional abuse. And finally, financial abuse involves using money to harm your partner. If you notice your partner doing any of these things, reach out and get support as soon as possible so that you can safely leave the relationship.

Relationship Abuse: Different Types and Forms of Abuse

Physical

The type of relationship abuse that many people think of first is physical abuse. This involves one partner hurting the other physically. It might be hitting, kicking, strangling, or any other way of causing pain. Physical abuse can also include restraining or even things like driving recklessly. Anything that makes a victim fear for their safety is physical abuse.

Verbal/Emotional

Another form of relationship abuse is verbal abuse or emotional abuse. Often, this involves the abuser making their partner feel worthless. Many abusers make their victims question their actions. Emotional abuse can be much harder to spot because it doesn’t leave marks. However, it can be just as damaging as other forms of abuse. Emotional abuse can harm a person’s self-confidence for the rest of their life.

Sexual

Sexual abuse is another form of relationship abuse. Sex should be consensual between two partners. Anytime it is not is considered sexual abuse. This type of abuse can also include withholding sex or using it as a weapon. Sex shouldn’t be used as a way to show power or control in a relationship. Instead, it should make a relationship stronger.

Financial

One last type of relationship abuse is financial abuse. This is all about control. Often the abuser will prevent their partner from being able to get a job to earn their own money. Or they will withhold money entirely. Others go through their partner’s spending habits with a fine-tooth comb and question everything. This can also take the shape of an abuser taking out credit cards in their partner’s name and running up large amounts of debt. Relationship abuse can take many different forms. But often it boils down to control. Abusers like to make their victims feel out of control and powerless. They’ll do this by taking away their self-confidence in any way they can. They might hurt their partner by hitting or strangling to show their power. Others use words to slowly break down their victim’s self-confidence. Others use sex in a relationship as a way to control their partner. And finally, some use money or withhold money to prevent their victims from feeling independent. It’s important to be able to recognize abuse in its many forms. You’ll be able to spot it in your own life but also can look out for loved ones as well. If you are in an abusive relationship, reach out for support. It’s important to get the help you need so that it doesn’t cause lasting harm.

Hidden Signs of Physical Abuse

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
There are many hidden signs of physical abuse to look for in case you are worried a friend is in a troubled relationship. They may not be comfortable opening up to you about what is going on. However, if you sense that something is off with them, you can look for these signs. New changes in clothing style might be harmless but could also signal a desire to cover up more. In addition, if they are suddenly unavailable or seem anxious to make meet-ups quickly it can be a red flag. Sudden personality changes can signal a lot of things, but abuse can often lead to this. And finally, unexplained injuries or vague chronic pain can be an indication of abuse. If you notice any of these signs in a friend or loved one, it might be worth investigating further and offering your support if they need help.

Hidden Signs of Physical Abuse: What to Notice

New Changes in Clothing Style

One of the subtle signs of physical abuse is a sudden change in clothing style. Often abusers prefer their partners to cover up and dress conservatively in public. If your usually flamboyant and brightly dressed friend is suddenly covered up in baggy and bleak clothing, it might be a sign that all is not well. In addition, if they are wearing long sleeves or turtlenecks when the temperature is too hot for that type of clothing, it might be that they are covering up bruises.

Suddenly Not Available

Another sign of physical abuse is that your friend is suddenly not available to hang out very much. Oftentimes abusers want to keep their partners close by and feel threatened if they have close friends. Your friend might suddenly not be available to hang out or give vague reasons for why they can’t. They also might seem anxious when you do hang out and act like they’re eager to leave. This could be a sign that their partner is controlling.

Sudden Changes in Personality

Sudden personality changes are signs of physical abuse but also signs of many other things. A friend in an abusive relationship might suddenly be more quiet than usual, develop anxiety, depression, or even get very defensive. They might not want to talk about their partner or get overly angry if you question the relationship at all. Of course, many other factors can cause a personality change.

Unexplained Injuries

Finally, unexplained injuries are one of the less subtle signs of physical abuse. If your friend or loved one has many bruises, cuts, grip marks, or other injuries, you need to investigate. Oftentimes, victims of abuse will give very vague answers as to where the injuries are coming from. Or they might use the same excuse several times. If something feels off, trust your gut. Dig deeper with them to find out the source of the injuries. The signs of physical abuse are often hard to spot, as abusers are very good at hurting their partners in places that can be covered up. However, if you have a detailed eye, you might be able to spot some warning signs in a friend or loved one. Of course, none of these signs are evidence of abuse all on their own. Rather, it’s the combination of several of these warning signs that might make you question things. For example, your friend might have suddenly changed their clothing style, or you might detect changes in their personality. If they suddenly seem unavailable or anxious to get home when you hang out, it might be a red flag. And of course, you should investigate further if you notice visible injuries. Hopefully, your friend or loved one will feel comfortable confiding in you and you can get them the help they need.

How to Move on After an Abusive Relationship

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
It can be incredibly difficult to move on after an abusive relationship. Physical abuse can leave you hurt and scarred. But emotional abuse can almost be harder to move on from because it’s harder to recognize. If you have gone through either of these and are struggling to move on, it’s time to make your wellbeing the priority. Try to go back through your relationship and pinpoint personality traits that might have contributed to the abuse. Write down everything that happened and how you feel. Next, make your own health a priority, and consider speaking to a therapist for extra support. Hopefully, you’ll be able to move on from the abusive relationship and find a new partner that treats you the way you deserve to be treated.

How to Move on After an Abusive Relationship: Emotional or Physical

Pinpoint Personality Traits

One of the ways to move on after an abusive relationship is to look back over your entire time together and try to pinpoint any personality traits that are red flags. Perhaps your partner was increasingly jealous or controlling? Maybe your fighting was getting out of hand. Or maybe a slight push at the start didn’t seem like a big deal. But then the physical abuse becomes more violent. Finding these little signs along the way are red flags. Knowing what to look for can help you see them as a future partner.

Write it Down

Another thing to help you move on after an abusive relationship is to write things down. For example, you can find a journal and write down every instance of abuse you can remember. Also, record the way that you’re feeling right now. Also, try to think back on how you felt in those moments. If you ever are feeling like you want to give your ex another chance, it can be helpful to read back over your entries. Seeing the abuse written down can put things in perspective. It can also help you see how things got out of hand, so you can avoid it next time.

Make Your Health a Priority

If you’re trying to move on after an abusive relationship, it’s time to put your health as a priority. Find things that make you feel happy and self-confident. For example, maybe you haven’t had as much time for old friends lately. Or perhaps you have a hobby that you take pride in. Make your mental health a priority and try to get plenty of sleep and exercise.

Consider Therapy

Finally, if you’re struggling to move on after an abusive relationship, it can help to go to therapy. A therapist can give you advice and tips to help you move on. They can also help you recognize warning signs in a partner. Professional therapy can be incredibly helpful in building back up your self-confidence. It can be hard to move on after an abusive relationship. Physical abuse and emotional abuse can be damaging and the scars can last a long time. Even after the physical scars have healed. Try to look back on your relationship and see if there are any red flags that you might be able to notice in the future. It’s time to make your own well-being a priority. For example, try a new exercise routine or get back into an old passion. And finally, consider speaking to a professional therapist. Hopefully, all of these things can help you move on from your abusive relationship and help you get back into the dating world so you can begin a new relationship with somebody more worthy of your time.

What to do if Your Partner is an Emotional Abuser

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

The signs of emotional abuse can be subtle in a relationship. Abusers often focus their energy on making you feel weak or unimportant. If your partner is an emotional abuser, find ways to remember your self-worth. Set boundaries with your partner and stick to them. Get support from a friend or family member you trust. And finally, make an escape plan to get out of the relationship. Know that you are important and worthy of a healthy relationship.

What to do if Your Partner is an Emotional Abuser: How to Cope and Get Help

Focus on Yourself

If your partner is an emotional abuser, they probably spend much of their time tearing you down. Making you feel over-emotional or stupid is a classic sign of emotional abuse. Abusers want you to think that they are the most important person in the world. So they belittle you to make your world revolve around them. Find something that gives you a feeling of self-worth. For example, focus on a hobby or activity that makes you feel proud of yourself. Take time to relax on your own, and make it a point to include self-care in your everyday life.

Set Boundaries

Setting boundaries is an important step to take if your partner is an emotional abuser. Abusers are just grown-up bullies. And bullies respond to strong boundaries. For example, tell them that you’ll walk away if they say something unkind. But you must remember to stick to your boundaries. If you don’t follow through, then you give your abuser more power. Therefore, they won’t take you seriously in the future when you try to set boundaries.

Get Support

Get support from a family member or friend if your partner is an emotional abuser. Confide in them with what you’re going through. Abusers want you to feel that your feelings are invalid. If you even suspect emotional abuse, run it by a family member. Gaslighting, or making your question your own feelings, is a classic weapon of the abuser. But don’t let them make you think their behavior is normal. A friend or family member should help you get some perspective.

Make an Escape Plan

Finally, if your partner is an emotional abuser, make an escape plan. The person you’ve confided in can help with this. Know where you will go and who you can call on for help when you make your exit. Also, keep a list of phone numbers you need. Try to save some money without your partner realizing it. For example, keep it in an account they don’t have access to. Or ask a friend you trust to hold it. Know your partner’s schedule so that you know when you can leave.

Emotional abuse can affect all aspects of your life. Get the help you need if your partner is an emotional abuser. Focus on finding your self-worth and set boundaries with your partner. Get support from somebody you trust, and have them help you make an escape plan. Just remember that you deserve to be in a happy and supportive relationship. Seek counseling if you ever feel overwhelmed. And finally, if you suspect your emotional abuser could ever physically hurt you, seek help.

Handling Jealous Exes

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Almost everyone has had a jealous ex who sticks around much longer than necessary. Maybe they cause problems for your next relationship. They might just linger around in your hang outs. Handling jealous exes doesn’t have to be difficult.

Handling Jealous Exes: Quick Tips

Communicate with your Ex

Telling your ex that what they do makes you uncomfortable will bring it to their attention. They might not realize what they are doing. If they do notice, they might think you’re into their constant presence. Communicating is a calm way to start handling these scenarios. You can also make sure you let them know the impact they are having on your life.

Communicate with your Friends

After a relationship ends, some friends will want to stay neutral and continue being friends with both parties. This is fine, but is counterproductive for you when handling jealous exes. Tell your friends that you’re trying to distance yourself from your ex-partner. They will understand!

Avoid the Problem

Contrary to most advice, avoiding the problem may be what you need. When it comes to handling jealous exes, simply staying out of their line of vision helps. After the post-break up blues calm down for you and your ex, returning to your normal routine should be no problem.

Stay Off Social Media

Social media is great for keeping up to date on local events and seeing what your friends are up to. However, social media is not great for handling jealous exes. Anything you post, like, or share can be seen by anyone, including your ex. Keeping your brunch pictures and thoughts about the weather to yourself for a while will be less for your ex to bring up.

Keep New Relationships Low Key

While it’s wonderful that you’re in a new, happy relationship, keep that quiet. The last thing you need is for your new partner to feel the wrath of your ex. Be honest with your new partner about your ex, but your former spouse doesn’t have to be their problem, too. 
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Every situation is bound to be different. If handling jealous exes is something you’re familiar with, you know which way works best. However, if your jealous ex-partner is threatening you or causing you discomfort, please seek help. This could be considered domestic violence and it is very serious. ​