Divorce While Living Together

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Usually, most people think that a divorce means one spouse will move out of the house. However, sometimes both partners will stay in the same place. Pulling off a divorce while living together might seem frustrating, but there are ways to make it easier for the both of you…

Divorce While Living Together

Why do it?

Why would a couple decide to do their divorce while living together? As it turns out, there’s a few reasons why they may make this choice. For starters, it can help save money. Doing divorce this way means you don’t have to worry about the costs that come with finding a new place to live.

Also, it might be a good idea if you have kids. It can be hard for them to register the divorce, and then see one of their parents leave right after. If you still decide to live together, you can help your kids understand what’s going on, and prepare for the changes that’ll come.

Cooperation is key

To make your divorce while living together go smoothly, you and your partner will need to work together. In general, this means doing the things you probably did before. For example, you’ll both still want to help with things like cleaning, buying groceries, and handling bill payments.

However, you’ll also want to keep things civil for the kids. In fact, this is a good time to work on a co-parenting plantogether. That way, you’ll have it all sorted out and ready to go once the divorce is finalized.

Have good boundaries

Of course, the biggest hurdle to doing a divorce while living together is avoiding those same issues which lead to the divorce in the first place. To help avoid those problems, it’s important to have good boundaries. These boundaries will help you have some personal space, even when sharing a home.

One thing divorcing couples who are still living together tend to do is set up separate rooms. That way, they have their own space to go to for privacy. It might feel a little “off” at first, but it’s still important to respect those boundaries.

Pet Support During Divorce: Exploring Benefits

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

It’s been proven that owning a pet is good for your health. Pets are stress relievers, companions, and a good excuse to get a little exercise or spend some time outside. So, what are the benefits of pet support during divorce? Let’s discuss…

Pet Support During Divorce: What Your Furry Friends Can Do For You… 

Good for You

​The benefits of pet support during divorce go on and on. Pets give their owners an overall better wellbeing and greater happiness. They can relieve stress in a high stress time and help keep your mind off your separation. In addition to that, they are great cuddle buddies and are always happy to see you.

Good for Your Health

One of the obvious benefits of pet support during divorce is the need for physical activity. When you’re grieving a divorce, it can be easy to stay in all day on the couch. A simple walk a couple times a day keeps you active and allows for bonding time. Additionally, a study from the American Heart Association shows that pets can help lower cholesterol and blood pressure.

Good for Children

Children are often confused and lonely when their parents are divorcing. It can be a difficult time for them, needing constant reassurance and extra love. A pet senses this need for extra love and provides just that. Amongst the other benefits of pet support during divorce, pets give children someone to talk to. Putting their thoughts and feelings into words, even to someone who can’t respond, allows a child to come to terms with what’s happening.

Not Just Pets

Other animals can also provide therapeutic relief for children during divorce and they don’t have to live in your home! Horses are healing animals. Learning to care for and ride a horse is a good outlet for built up emotions. Doing so can help ease anger and release frustrations for those who need an outlet. Working in a stable and riding horseback are benefits of pet support during divorce without the live-in component of a pet!

In conclusion, get a pet… Jokes aside, if you happen to be looking for someone loving to share your time with and come home to, consider getting a pet. The benefits of pet support during divorce greatly outweigh the drawbacks, like middle of the night potty breaks or the walks in the rain.

Common Divorce Mistakes: What to Avoid

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

With how important divorce is, you’re going to want to do it the right way. That means avoiding some common divorce mistakes. These mistakes can really make your divorce a lot harder than it should be…

Common Divorce Mistakes

Being confrontational

One of the common divorce mistakes is being too hostile or angry at your ex. Divorce can cause you to experience a lot of negative emotions, and anger certainly can be one of them. Usually, people will get angry at their ex because they blame them for what went wrong or the divorce itself.

This anger is going to make it hard to get anything done in a productive manner. Plus, it’ll make your position look a lot worse to someone like a judge. Therefore, despite what you might feel inside, it’s important to remain calm and cordial when interacting with your ex.

Refusing to cooperate

Another of the common divorce mistakes is when exes refuse to cooperate. Much like with being angry at your ex, it’s also easy to see why you wouldn’t want to work with them. After all, if your marriage didn’t work out, then how will things suddenly work now? However, you’d be surprised at how important it is.

Both you and your ex are going to want the most positive outcome possible. Being willing to work together and cooperatewill let you achieve that. As you find compromises , you’ll both end up with results that you’re satisfied with. This is better than trying to fight one another, and having no one end up happy with the outcome.

Not having support

A lack of support is one of the common divorce mistakes people don’t realize until it’s too late. Some people think that they either don’t need the help, or don’t want to “burden” others with their issues. As a result, they’ll try and tackle their divorce, and the emotions it brings, by themselves.

Usually, this has a negative effect on both the divorce, and a person’s emotional well-being. The thing is, support is very important for processing those strong emotions and starting the healing process. That’s why you shouldn’t be afraid to seek help from family, friends, counselors, or support groups.

Working Post-Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

After your divorce, you’ll probably want to boost your income. One good way to do that is by working post-divorce. However, if you haven’t worked in a while, it can feel a bit intimidating. Still, there’s a few steps you can take to get yourself prepared…

Working Post-Divorce: Getting Prepared

Determine your interests

Before you start working post-divorce, it’s important to determine what exactly you’d like to do. For instance, maybe you’d like to do the work you were doing before your marriage. You already have experience and the basic knowledge down, which can make it easier to start again.

Or, you might want to expand your horizons. In that case, it’s good to start doing some research. Consider what exactly it is you’d like to do, and what sort of jobs would fulfill that desire. You can also see what job fields tend to be hiring, as well as which ones pay better than others.

Improve your skills

Another good thing you should do before working post-divorce is to boost your skills. Even if you haven’t been working for a short while, industries are always making new advancements. Therefore, it might be useful to take something like a computer skills course, which will help you get familiar with the latest programs.

However, you might need something more-intensive, especially if you want to pursue a new career. In these cases, it’s useful to get some more education. You can accomplish this by taking courses at a nearby college. Community colleges in particular are a great way to improve your skills at a lower cost.

Refine your resume

A good resume is important for working post-divorce. After all, just because you haven’t been working doesn’t mean you don’t have marketable skills. Even things like volunteer work or other leadership positions can help boost your chances with a potential employer.

It also helps to have another pair of eyes check your resume. Let a friend or two read over it and check for any spelling or other grammatical errors. A career counselor can also help you make sure that your resume stand out.

The Four Co-parenting C’s

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

There are plenty of mistakes that every co-parent will make. After all, we’re all new to this at some point in time, and there are always growing pains. The key to being a good co-parent, is keeping a few key goals in mind. From communication, to compromise, and beyond— the Four Co-parenting C’s are something every divorced parent must observe, and perfect, to become the co-parent we all want to be. No one said it’s easy, but it’s undeniably worth it.

The Four Co-parenting C’s to Perfect for Your Kids 

Cooperation

When it comes to mastering co-parenting, cooperation is at the center of it all. While you two divorced for a reason, you also have to find ways to put that aside for your children. You’ll have to manage school, appointments, birthday parties, family gatherings, sick days, pick-up and drop-off, and many manyother things as a unit. The key to successful cooperation, is to plan ahead of time— but also be flexible. The more committed you are to cooperating for your kids, the more likely you are to be successful at it.

Compromise

One of the most difficult things to do as a divorced parent, and co-parent, is to compromise with your former spouse. No matter how hard we try, it’s extremely easy to be spiteful when it comes to your ex, even when kids are involved. But, as a parent, you always have to imagine if the shoe was on the other foot. Maybe this weekend was supposed to be yours, but your former spouse’s mother has fallen extremely ill. Your ex asks if you will let the child spend the weekend with them so they can visit in the hospital. 

While your instinct might be to say no out of spite, consider if it was the other way around. Your mother is ill, she might pass, and you want your child to be able to say goodbye. By giving a little in the right moments, you and your former spouse might be able to form a new kind of respect, and become better co-parents in the long run.

Consistency

As we’ve mentioned, there will always be growing pains as you learn how to co-parent outside of a marriage, but consistency is key. By maintaining routines for your child from one household to the other, you give them a sense of security that might have been wavering after the separation. By setting uniform expectations, you make things easier for your children. Not to mention, you also avoid that infamous “but, Mom/Dad lets me…”

Communication

We always save this one for last because it’s the most important, and the most difficult to master. Chances are, your inability to communicate with one another played at least a small part in your divorce. So, how are we supposed to get better at it now? Quite simply put, because you have to. In communicating effectively, you set a strong example for your children and avoid conflict. Conduct yourselves in a business-like fashion because, after all, you’re colleagues in the business of raising your children. So, be courteous to the co-parent as if they are a co-worker.
​
As you consider the Four Co-parenting C’s, you might begin to discover what you’ve been excelling at. Furthermore, you might also discover what you need to work on. Every parent, whether divorced or together, can inevitably improve their tactics in one way or another— and there’s no shame in saying it. However, there is admirability in admitting your faults and improving upon them.

Remarrying: A Leap of Faith

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

With how hard it can be to date again after a divorce, you’ll probably be pretty happy when you find someone you connect with. When things start to get more “serious”, thoughts of remarrying might cross your mind. However, what if you’re unsure about if things will be a repeat of last time? There’s a few things you can do to help ensure this marriage goes how you want…

Remarrying: Making It Work

Understand your baggage

Remarrying without some kind of baggage is basically impossible. Still, that doesn’t mean you should be afraid of that. Rather, it means you should take the time to understand what this baggage is, and why you may have it. Once you do that, then you can ensure it won’t interfere with your new marriage.

For example, say your last marriage ended due to infidelity. This might cause you to be suspicious of your partner if they’re running late or out of town. You could also have trouble trusting them. Eventually, this could cause problems if you don’t confront and move past it.

Be open & vulnerable

Another thing about remarrying is that it’s important to be open to your new partner. It’s understandable to worry about being too vulnerable. Doing so can make you feel exposed, and bring about fears that your partner will take advantage of that openness, potentially like your last one did.

While that openness can be scary, it’s also an important part of any trusting relationship. You and your partner have to both be able to be honest with each other. If you are willing to be vulnerable, they will be as well, and your bond will strengthen overall.

Keep expectations realistic

Remarrying tends comes with extra expectations. Not only do you want this marriage to go well, but you’ll also probably be comparing it to your previous one. Sometimes, these expectations can get a little out of hand, and take a toll on your relationship when things don’t live up to them.

To avoid this, you and your partner should keep those expectations realistic. Try to sit down and talk to each other about some of those key expectations you have. These could be about finances, handling conflicts, raising kids, or anything else you may think of. That way, you can both be on the same page and get your expectations set accordingly.

Extra Income Post-Divorce: Making Money

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

The financial costs of divorce can have you eager to start working again. Still, even when you start working, you might find yourself needing some more money. That’s why it’s useful to look for extra income post-divorce. There’s a few ways you can earn that extra bit of cash…

Extra Income Post-Divorce: Financial Independence

Sell old belongings

One way to get some extra income post-divorce is by selling off things you don’t need anymore. Everyone has some things which are just taking up space in the home. This could be old clothes sitting in the closet, or some decor or furniture that goes unused. Rather than letting it go to waste, it can be useful to try and sell them.

Even if it’s older or in rough condition, you’d be surprised how much you can get for old clothes, furniture, and other items. Plus, on top of getting some money, you also create space for new replacements. While an old-fashion garage sale can work well, there’s also a lot of stores which will take your old items off your hands.

Pick up a “side gig”

There’s been a lot of talk about “side gigs” these days. These are something you do outside of your main job to get a bit of extra cash. That means they’re also pretty handy for getting extra income post-divorce. What’s nice is that there’s a wide variety of gigs you can try your hand at.

For example, everyone is familiar with ride sharing services like Uber or Lyft. However, you could also try freelance writing if that sounds more up your alley. There’s also transcription services; many of them can be done online, and at your own leisure.

Look for seasonal work

Maybe you only need some extra income post-divorce for a short time. One common time people like to make more money is around the holidays. In these cases, where it’ll only be temporary, you could also look for any seasonal jobs that are hiring.

Like the name implies, these jobs will only need you to work for a short time. Plus, they’re usually eager to fill the positions. If you can find a way to fit them into your schedule, and don’t mind the work, then they can be a nice way to make some more money.

Spring Cleaning Post-Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

After separation or divorce, it’s easy to overwhelm yourself. Even an amicable divorce is not easy. With the seasons changing, now is a good time to really embrace your new life. Spring cleaning post-divorce can happen during any season! Time to clean out the closets.

Spring Cleaning Post-Divorce: Starting Anew 

Hated that piece? Get rid of it

​Sometimes, exes buy pieces for the home that aren’t the best looking or best fitting. If your ex left this piece behind during their move, get rid of it. Spring cleaning post-divorce allows you to focus on yourself and what you like. If that chair in the sitting room doesn’t fit the bill, it’s gone!

​If donating the item is something of interest, many non-profits will gladly schedule a pick up. But maybe selling it is a better option! Facebook Marketplace, Offer Up, and the NextDoor app all offer a solution for selling those items.

Make It Yours

Making your new solo space yours is most important when you’re spring cleaning post-divorce. Simply changing out the throw pillows to a color that you like more or removing personal touches of your ex will freshen up your space and make it a place for just you. In the case that you need to get your own place, don’t feel disheartened! It’s a positive time for starting over and truly making a space yours.

Get Organized!

Many people have heard of the Netflix show, Tidying Up with Marie Kondo. Spring cleaning post-divorce means organizing for this next step in life without dragging baggage in from your married life. Utilizing the KonMari method will help you only keep things in your life that bring you joy. While this may seem daunting, take your time. A good tip to remember is to tackle one room at a time!

Sweep, Mop, Clean

Spring cleaning post-divorce can include cleaning the windows and mopping the floors. The physical act of cleaning is therapeutic and it’s a perfect metaphor for divorce. After you’re done cleaning, you’ll feel in control of your life and your space.

Remember: property settlement will determine if your ex gets to leave that awful chair behind. Don’t start decluttering their personal items out before the court decides that the remaining property is yours. Make sure you talk to your ex about what they want and don’t want. Spring cleaning post-divorce is a therapeutic time but don’t let it get you in trouble in court!

Unexpected Divorce: My Spouse is Gay

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

It happens a lot. During a marriage, sometimes a spouse will reveal that they are interested in other people. Sometimes, however, these other people are of the same gender as they are. For straight couples, this is probably a huge shock. But what does your spouse coming out mean for you and your family? Let’s discuss some common questions and reasons for an unexpected divorce. 

Unexpected Divorce: My Spouse is Gay

Do we stay married?

The choice is up to you. Some may enter this chapter in their relationship with a new understanding of each other. Others may chose an unexpected divorce. Whatever you decide is right for you is the right choice. Coming out doesn’t always lead to an immediate separation. A marriage means a lot of intertwined parts, and a divorce might not be the easiest or best option.

If we stay married, then what?

If you both decide to avoid that unexpected divorce and stay married instead, your spouse may ask for an open relationship. An open relationship requires more communication and honesty. Each open relationship is different; no two look the same. Some of them are completely open. Others are open to particular people. Coming out takes a lot of trust, but so do open relationships. Make sure you and your partner feel comfortable with your relationships at all points.

Not sure about what you want?

Much like the coming out decision that your spouse made, your next move might take time. Choosing an unexpected divorce, especially very quickly, you might not be making the right choice for you. Your emotions are on high-alert. Take time to fully feel through these emotions before making any permanent decisions.

Nothing You Did

No matter what, you cannot change a person’s sexual orientation. If your spouse coming out is a surprise for you, do not feel discouraged. You are valid and perfect as you are. There might be a difficult acceptance period. It might be a good idea for you to seek help or therapy.

Mixed orientation couples are more common than the average person might realize. Coming out happens at all stages of life. For some, that might be after they’ve entered a heterosexual marriage. Also remember that coming out does not mean the couples are out of love. ​​​It also doesn’t mean that you will absolutely be getting that unexpected divorce we discussed. Every marriage is different and you should do what feels right to you. 

Financial Infidelity: Potential Signs

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

When people think of a spouse cheating, most of the time they think of physical encounters. However, financial infidelity is something which not only occurs, but is also on the rise. Knowing some common signs of this infidelity can help you see if it’s occurring in your marriage…

Financial Infidelity: Unconventional Cheating

Missing cash

Have you noticed money missing from a joint account you and your spouse share? Does your bank statement show a lot of withdrawals you don’t know about? If so, you might want to be careful. Missing money can be a potential sign of financial infidelity.

Now, sometimes a spouse will take out money for something and forget about it. That’s totally normal. However, constant withdrawals for varying amounts can be reason for concern. When you notice this, you’ll want to ask your spouse about what’s going on. In the meantime, try to keep your money in a separate account to keep it secure.

Many new purchases

If your spouse is making a lot of new, constant purchases all the time, that can also be a sign of financial infidelity. Of course, people like to treat themselves every now and again. It becomes an issue when it seems like your spouse is making a purchase every other day. Usually, these purchases can be very cheap, very expensive, or somewhere in-between.

Your spouse might even try to hide these purchases from you. They may always try and get the mail or packages, or use a separate bank account to prevent the purchases from showing up on your end. Sometimes, they might even use something like a P.O. box so they never arrive at the house!

They don’t like financial talk

Talking about finances is a part of any good marriage. Plus, if you feel like you’ve noticed signs of financial infidelity, you’ll want to bring them up to your spouse. Yet, what if your spouse gets upset when you try to have these conversations? This can actually be another sign that financial infidelity is going on.

If you talk finances to your spouse, they might be worried you’re going to bring up their actions. This can make them want to avoid talking about it all together. Still, it’s important to do so if you want to fix this problem together. Not doing so will strain things even more.