Survival Tips for Divorce: Dealing with the Stress

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce is hard. In fact, some people think it’s as stressful as the death of a loved one. Because in a way, you are losing something very valuable. However, some quick survival tips for divorce can help you deal with the stress and cope with the hurt of the divorce process. First of all, lean on family and friends. They’ll be your biggest advocates and help you through this difficult time. Ask professionals to get involved, like an attorney and a therapist. Practice self-care to keep yourself sane. And finally, try to focus on the positives instead of the negatives. You’ll be getting a fresh start and can hopefully find a new partner someday that is better suited for you.

Survival Tips for Divorce: Dealing with the Stress and Coping with the Hurt

Lean on Friends

One of the most important survival tips for divorce is to lean on family and friends. Divorce is one of the most difficult things you can go through. You’ll need to surround yourself with people who love you to help you deal with the stress. Try to get comfortable asking for help. Your friends and family genuinely want to help you, so lean on them when you’re overwhelmed. Let them cook you food or take your children off your hands for a night. Try to let them shoulder some of the emotional stress you’re feeling.

Ask the Professionals

Another important survival tip for divorce is to get professionals involved. You’ll want an experienced and knowledgeable attorney by your side every step of the way. They’ll be your advocate and protect your interests in court. In addition, you may find that speaking with a therapist is helpful. While friends and family can be very supportive, sometimes a trained professional can be even more helpful.

Practice Self-Care

Practicing self-care is one of the survival tips for divorce that gets neglected the most. Divorce is a long and stressful process. If you don’t take time to take care of yourself, you’ll burn out. Try to take breaks here and there when you can and pamper yourself a little. Maybe that means taking yourself out for a meal. Or renting a movie and eating all the snacks you want. You might even try a massage or a long bubble bath. Whatever self-care looks like to you, make time for it to keep yourself sane.

Look at the Fresh Start

Finally, one last one of the survival tips for divorce is to try and look on the bright side of things. Rather than focusing on the negatives or the hurt feelings, try to find the positives. A divorce is long and grueling. But ultimately it means the end of a relationship that wasn’t working for you. So divorce means you’re getting a fresh start. Try to let go of any bitterness and focus on how you want your future to look.

Divorce is incredibly difficult, but these survival tips for divorce can hopefully help you manage. Lean on your friends and family as much as you can because they honestly probably want to help you. In addition, call in the big guns and hire professionals to help you. An attorney and a therapist can make the entire process much more manageable. Make time for self-care so that you can start fresh and energized. And finally, try to focus on the fresh start you’re getting after your divorce, instead of the hurt. Try to think about what you’d like your future to look like. Before you know it, you’ll be finalizing your divorce and moving on to more healthy relationships.

Is it Time for a Divorce? When to Call it Quits

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Wondering when it is time for a divorce might be stressing you out if you and your partner are having relationship troubles. It depends on your unique situation, but below are some things to consider if you’ve been considering divorce. If you and your partner have different visions for your future that can’t be changed, you may not be able to make your marriage work. In addition, if you’ve lost respect for one another, support, or intimacy it may be time. Counseling can be helpful for many couples who are considering divorce, so if you’ve tried it without success, maybe now is the time. And finally, if you’re both on the same page that you want a divorce, then it’s definitely time. Divorce can be stressful, but it’s better to figure that out now than continue to drag out a marriage that isn’t working.

Is it Time for a Divorce: When to Call it Quits on a Marriage

You Have Different Visions for Your Future

It might be time for a divorce if you and your partner have completely different visions of your future. Especially if neither of you is willing to change your mind. Compromise is a huge factor in a successful marriage. However, there may be things that you simply can’t come to an agreement on. For example, whether or not to have children. If you aren’t on the same page with where you want your lives to go, you might not be able to make the marriage work. Even if you want to.

You’ve Lost Respect, Support, and Intimacy

Another way to tell if it’s time for a divorce is if you’ve lost respect, support, and intimacy. A relationship is only successful if you and your spouse respect one another. You need to be each other’s biggest supporter to get through the tough times. Intimacy is also important in a relationship. Not just sexual intimacy but friendship and love as well. If your relationship is lacking these things, it might be time to consider separating.

You’ve Tried Counseling

Marriage counseling is very helpful for many couples. It can be one of the best ways to avoid divorce if you and your spouse are having relationship troubles. However, if you’ve tried counseling and it hasn’t worked, you might turn to divorce. A professional counselor or therapist might be able to help you work through problems in your marriage. However, if they’ve been unsuccessful it could mean that you two are simply not going to be able to work things out. If that’s the case then it might be time for a divorce.

You’re On the Same Page

Finally, you’ll definitely know it’s time for a divorce if you and your spouse are on the same page about wanting one. Some couples mutually decide that divorce is the right path for them. In these situations, divorce can be a bit smoother. However, sometimes one partner is very reluctant to go down this path. It’s important to really talk honestly with your partner about how you’re feeling. If they’re feeling the same way and you both feel that you’ve done everything you can, it might be time to end your marriage.

It’s hard to know when to give up on your marriage, but unfortunately, some just do not work out. If you and your partner have very different views of your future lives, you may not be able to reconcile. In addition, if you’ve lost respect, support, and intimacy it might be a red flag. Marriage counseling can be helpful, but if you’ve tried it unsuccessfully then you might be ready for a divorce. And finally, if you and your spouse both agree that you want the divorce, then it’s definitely time to hire a divorce attorney and get started. Deciding when it’s time for a divorce can be scary and sad. However, it’s much better to get on the same page and move forward with a divorce than to stay in an unhappy marriage.

Missing Your Children Because of Split Custody

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

If you have recently gone through a divorce, you might be missing your children because of split custody. Suddenly going from having your children with you all the time to having to take turns with their other parent can be incredibly hard. Remember that you will eventually adjust to the new normal of your schedule. However, in the short term, try to use modern technology to your advantage. Talk to a friend or therapist if you need a sympathetic ear. Find a hobby to fill your time, and plan to focus on yourself for a little while. It can be difficult to spend time away from your children, but you’ll adjust to your custody arrangement in time. Just remember that you and your ex have made the decision that ultimately is the best for your children.

Missing Your Children Because of Split Custody: A New Normal

Use Technology to Your Advantage

Modern technology can be a huge help if you’re missing your children because of split custody. There are tons of apps out there that will allow you to keep up with them even when you’re apart. You can try to schedule times to call them or video chat each night. Make sure that you extend the same courtesy to your ex when they are missing the kids too. If your children are young, it might be harder for them when they see or hear you on the phone. But you and your ex can still exchange pictures or short videos of your children when you’re apart.

Talk to a Friend

If you feel like you need to talk to somebody about missing your children because of split custody, find a friend or therapist that can lend an ear. You might want to speak to a friend who has gone through something similar. They can give you support and offer comfort when you are feeling sad. A therapist can help you find coping strategies for when you’re missing them. Sometimes, another person can put things in perspective and help you remember that it’ll soon be your turn to have the children.

Find a Hobby

The hardest thing about missing your children because of split custody is dealing with boredom. Your life used to be filled with being focused on your kids every minute of the day. Suddenly, you have time to yourself where they don’t need you. Boredom can make you feel even sadder because you might be lonely. Plan in advance for the time that you won’t have them. Plan out a schedule so that you have a structure for your day. Now is a great time to find a new hobby. Focusing your time on a new passion can help take your mind off of missing your kids.

Focus on Yourself

Finally, one other way to feel better if you are missing your children because of split custody is to focus on yourself for a little while. Find something that makes you happy, which will give you something to look forward to when you are away from them. For example, buy a new book or movie that you can put away until you have a weekend without your kids. Or plan to have dinner with a friend without the stress of finding a babysitter. You’ll have a distraction ready to go for when you inevitably feel sad about missing them. Though you miss them, try to take advantage of the time away to focus on yourself for a little while.

Missing your children because of split custody is a hard thing to adjust to. Just remember that you will eventually get used to your new arrangement, and the time away will be easier to handle. Use modern apps and phone calls to stay in touch when you need to talk to them. Find a friend to talk to when you’re feeling sad. Focus on a new hobby to distract yourself, and take some “me” time. Finally, if you are having a hard time adjusting, talk to a therapist. Hopefully, you will be able to remember that your separation was the best thing for your family. Though you miss them when they’re away, you will hopefully adjust soon to your new custody arrangement.

How-to: Find Your Post-Divorce Identity

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

It isn’t all that uncommon to feel lost during and after your divorce. Considering how much of your life has changed, those feelings are to be expected. However, it’s important to start focusing on your post-divorce identity. Doing so will help you move forwards and begin to feel at peace once again…

 How-to: Find Your Post-Divorce Identity: Accept Change

Loss of identity

The reason it can be hard to find your post-divorce identity is because of how much has changed in your life. Of course, there’s the divorce itself to consider. Your marriage probably played a big role in defining who you were. Suddenly losing that part of your identity is going to leave you feeling confused as to what you should do next.

There’s also the fact that you may struggle with being single too. It could be that since it’s been so long since you were single, you don’t know what that kind of life is like. Even things you think you should enjoy can feel odd now that you’re divorced.

Processing change

A large part of finding your post-divorce identity comes down to processing these new changes. This won’t be something that can be done overnight. However, by slowly understanding and accepting these changes, you can begin to feel more confident about yourself and your new life.

In fact, one of the best things to do is to start making changes yourself. That way, you can start to feel like you’re back in control of what’s going on. Some good changes to make can including exercising, eating healthier, and spend more time with friends and family.

Enjoy being in control

Remember that after your divorce, you’re now in total control of your life. You no longer need to worry about what your spouse does or doesn’t want you to do. This gives you a lot of freedom to truly begin creating your post-divorce identity. In particular, you can now do all the things you never felt like you could while married.

Having this new freedom means there’s a whole lot of new opportunities for you to explore. You can try new hobbies, travel to new places, and meet new people. As you do this, you’ll quickly find ways to not only enjoy this new life but also really thrive in it as well.

Co-Parenting in the Time of Covid

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

The Covid-19 virus has made life incredibly stressful for everybody. However, co-parenting in the time of Covid can add an entirely new layer of stress to parents. Having children going back and forth between two different households can be confusing. Especially since everybody should socially distance right now. Parents hopefully have a crisis plan in place for children. There are several considerations to think about when deciding how to split time. Open communication and modern technology can help you manage this crisis. Hopefully, the pandemic will lessen soon and everybody, including co-parents, can get back to life as normal.

Co-Parenting in the Time of Covid: Put the Kids First

Navigating a Crisis

Co-parenting in the time of Covid is like co-parenting in a crisis. Most co-parents have a plan in place if there were ever to be some sort of crisis. While you and your ex might disagree about a lot of things, hopefully, you can work together to navigate these tough times. Perhaps the stress of dealing with Covid can help you put aside more petty disagreements. If you don’t already have a plan like this in place, now is the time to make one. If ever we face another time like this, you’ll be more prepared. You can choose to continue the current parenting plan you have in place, or temporarily change things.

Things to Consider

There are many things to consider when co-parenting in the time of Covid. Since families are meant to be distancing, you might decide that your children should stay with one parent. Rather than being exposed to germs from separate households, you’ll keep your germs contained. When trying to decide which home the children should live at more, try to put aside your desire to “win”, and instead, focus on what is best for the kids. For example, maybe one parent is more set up for virtual schooling. Or perhaps one parent is an essential worker and comes into contact with more potential exposures. You might keep the children more at one parent’s house if the other has high-risk family members. And finally, consider the outdoor space at each parent’s home. Children need outdoor activities and room to run around now more than ever.

How to Manage

Co-parenting in the time of Covid relies on open communication between parents. Try to take your feelings out of consideration and think of what’s best for your children. And let your ex know if anything changes with your schedule or job. Dealing with a national pandemic requires flexibility from everybody to best adapt to a changing environment. Don’t forget that you can set up Zoom meetings or Facetime with your children when you aren’t with them. If both parents feel that they need to see the children equally, consider yourselves as a “bubble.” Each of you should take the same precautions at home and should be incredibly open and honest about any potential exposure.

Covid is hard for everybody, but co-parenting in the age of Covid can be a huge source of stress. You both want what’s best for your children, so sit down and have an honest conversation about how to handle the pandemic safely. Try to remember that you can use Zoom or outside drive-way hangouts to get some face-to-face time with your kids. There may be one parent who is better equipped to handle the ever-changing school plan or other social matters. In the future, it’s always best to have a plan in place for any sort of crisis. Hopefully, we won’t ever face another pandemic like this, but you’ll be prepared just in case. By communicating with your partner, you can help one another navigate this extremely stressful situation in a way that is best for your children.

The Positives of Divorce: Find Your Happy

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce is tough. There’s no getting around it. Going through a divorce can leave you emotionally and financially drained. But there are also plenty of positives of divorce. For one, you get your freedom back. For another, your kids will probably be better off. And finally, you get to have the thrill of falling in love again in your future. It’s stressful now, but there are still silver linings to look forward to.

The Positives of Divorce: Find Your Happy Again

Freedom

One of the biggest positives of divorce? Freedom! Going through the end stages of a relationship can feel overwhelming. You’ve probably been in and out of court and fighting with your ex. Once your divorce is finalized, you’ll be free to take your time back for yourself. Find a new hobby or revive an old one. Hang out with friends that you’ve been neglecting. You’re free to make your own plans without having to coordinate with your ex. If you’ve been in a controlling or abusive relationship, you’re now free to live the way you want.

Best for Children

Many couples try to “stick it out” in a relationship that isn’t working for the sake of their kids. But staying with the wrong person can mean added stress and fighting. This kind of atmosphere isn’t what’s best for your children. You and your ex getting along and supporting each other as a divorced couple will make them happier in the long run. One of the positives of divorce is that all in all, it’s probably what’s best for your kids. Your children will probably grow to respect your decision as they get older. You also don’t want to set the example of marriage being unhappy for them.

Possibility of New Love

One of the most fun positives of divorce is that you get to start dating again. While it can feel overwhelming, don’t forget to have fun. New relationships can be exciting. You get to have another first kiss! You also get to use what you learned from your first marriage to make any future relationships even stronger. Now you know exactly what you need out of a partner. You might be quicker to recognize red flags in a relationship. And hopefully, you’ve gained some self-confidence along the way. This will serve to make any future relationships stronger than ever.

Although divorce is one of the most difficult things a person can go through, don’t forget that there are positives of divorce too. Try to remember that you are making the decision that’s best for yourself and your children. And don’t forget to enjoy your new freedom and dating possibilities!

Your First Valentine’s Day After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

It’s your first Valentine’s day after divorce and you are dreading it completely. It’s just one more reminder of your relationship being over. However, Valentine’s day doesn’t have to be a difficult holiday. You can still enjoy your day if you re-focus your attention. If you have children, make the day really special for them. You could also go out with single friends and enjoy “Galentines Day.” Or take yourself out for a fun date night. You can still enjoy the day even if you are struggling through a divorce.

Your First Valentine’s Day After Divorce: Enjoy the Holiday Differently

Focus on Your Kids

If you have children, your first Valentine’s Day after divorce could just focus on them instead. Make a big to-do and celebrate the holiday. It’s a day for celebrating love after all, and who loves you more than your children? Decorate the house and surprise them with Valentine’s themed breakfast. Make Valentine’s cards together to send to family and friends. Gorge on candy and watch a movie while having a picnic on a blanket on the floor. You can make it a special and loving memory without focusing on being single.

Celebrate Galentines Day

If you’re trying to survive your first Valentine’s Day after divorce, lean on your friends. So-called “Galentine’s Day” is a day meant for loving your girlfriends. Whether they’re single or in a relationship, take February 13th to focus on your friendship and celebrate one another. Go out for a fancy meal and clink champagne glasses. You could exchange flowers and chocolate together. Take some time to spread the love with the people in your life who have stood by you through thick and thin.

Take Yourself on a Date

If it’s your first Valentine’s Day after divorce, you could always take yourself out for a date yourself. Or bring a fancy date in if you aren’t comfortable being alone in public quite yet. Order takeout from your favorite restaurant and get a bottle of your favorite wine. And don’t forget dessert! Conversely, you could go see a movie alone – nobody will notice that you’re by yourself once the lights go down. You could even just relax and take time to do something that you love. For example, a fancy bubble bath with relaxing music.

Surviving your first Valentine’s Day after divorce can be daunting to think about. But it doesn’t have to be a source of stress. You can still appreciate the love of the holiday even if you’re single. Make special memories with your children, or go out with your friends and makeover each other. You could also take yourself on a date and take time to do things that you love. Remember that you got divorced for a reason, and even though holidays such as this can be hard, you made the decision that was right for you.

Emotionally Prepare for Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

If you are heading down the road to divorce, you may be feeling overwhelmed. It’s hard to know what to expect when facing divorce. You need to emotionally prepare for divorce by addressing the various feelings you’ll be having. Anger is a big factor when going through a divorce, but letting go of the idea of “winning” will help you in the long run. Also, let yourself grieve all the changes you’ll be facing. Also, let go of guilt, especially when it comes to your children. And finally, let go of shame because there is nothing wrong with making a decision that is best for your family. Mentally prepare yourself for the emotions you might be feeling so you can maintain your well-being.

Emotionally Prepare for Divorce: Facing Your Feelings

Let Go of the Idea of “Winning”

One of the strongest emotions that you might be feeling is anger. Divorce can be so draining mentally, and tensions get heightened. You or your spouse might let your anger boil over from time to time and say hurtful things. Emotionally prepare for divorce by trying to let go of the idea of “winning” the divorce. Because this is a response to your anger, it’s not the most productive way to approach a divorce. Your ultimate goal is to create a better life for yourself and your children. If you come into a divorce wanting to “win”, you may not see clearly and be able to get perspective on the things that will help you all be happier.

Let Yourself Grieve

Your entire life is changing, emotionally prepare for divorce by accepting your grief. Perhaps you had your life all planned out and this came as a sudden shock. Or maybe you saw the divorce coming on for the past few years. Whatever your situation is, a divorce is still a complete change in your life. You’re allowed to grieve the life you thought you’d be having when you got married. Take time to really let yourself feel emotional about the divorce.

Let Go of Guilt

Guilt can be a huge factor when you emotionally prepare for divorce. Especially when there are children involved. Many parents feel tremendous guilt over divorcing. However, they often overlook that in the long run, their children might be much happier. Children pick up on stress and anger. If you and your partner are constantly fighting in front of them, divorce is probably healthier. Seeing you and your partner co-parenting healthily and happily will be better for them.

Let Go of Shame

There is a stigma of shame around divorce that really shouldn’t exist. The reasons for your divorce are nobody’s business unless you feel like sharing. When you emotionally prepare for divorce, try to let go of shame. You are making a decision that is better for yourself. You’re taking charge of your life and giving yourself a chance to be happier. If you have children, they may see you taking control as a show of how strong you are. As a result, they’ll respect you more for going forward with a divorce.

When you emotionally prepare for divorce, you need to be aware of all the feelings you might experiences. Try to let go of your anger and the notion of “winning” the divorce. Focus on the end goal of a happier family. Prepare for grief because your whole world is changing. Let go of guilt, especially when it comes to children because you are ultimately making the healthier choice for them. And finally, let go of shame. You’re making a change for the best, and you should be proud of yourself for taking control of your life.

How-to Identify Financial Abuse in a Relationship

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

When you think of domestic violence and abuse, you probably think of physical and verbal abuse. However, there are many forms of abuse. Oftentimes, financial abuse is overlooked. According to a study by the Centers for Financial Security, 99% of domestic violence cases also involved financial abuse. In fact, it is often the first sign of dating violence and domestic abuse. Learn the signs of financial abuse in a relationship so that you can protect yourself.

How-to Identify Financial Abuse in a Relationship: Knowing the Signs

What is Financial Abuse?

Financial abuse can vary from situation to situation. There is no one perfect example of it. However, it does involve controlling someone’s ability to get, use, and maintain financial resources. The victims may even be prevented from working so that they are unable to make or access money for themselves. In addition, the victims of financial abuse in a relationship may have their own money stolen or limited by their abuser. If the victim does have access to money, they may have to account for any of it that they use.

Look for Signs of Abuse

While every situation is different, there are certain things you can pay attention to. First, abusers may use or controls the money you have earned or saved. Examples of this include using your money or credit cards for their own benefit without asking. They may also ask to borrow money from you and never repay it. Also, they may ruin your credit by charging things to your account and not paying them off. Another sign of financial abuse in a relationship is if they have a double standard when it comes to spending. For example, they may spend money on entertainment, dining out, and clothing but criticize you when you make similar purchases

They may start to control where you can or can not work, and may even make you quit your job. In addition, they may actually try to sabotage your job. It is possible for them to go as far as hiding your car keys or removing your car battery so that you can not show up to work. These are only just a few of the signs of financial abuse, but there are many more.

Get Help

If you or someone you know is a victim of financial abuse in a relationship, get help right away. Call a counselor, advocate, or religious leader. Remember that financial abuse is not something that gets better with time. Oftentimes, it can actually end up leading to other types of abuse. You can also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for confidential assistance from trained professionals. Do not wait until it is too late to get help.

How-to: Handle Social Media While Getting a Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

If you want more information on the topic of social media while getting a divorce, please view this video.

Social media consumes many of our lives. From the time we wake up to the time we go to bed, we are checking social media more often than we think. According to Statista.com, in 2019, internet users world wide averaged 144 minutes of social media every day. In 2018, more than half of American adults say they opened a social media app on their phones at least 10 times a day, and that number is always growing. Social media can potentially hurt your job, relationships, and even your mental health. In addition, social media can be harmful while you are going through the divorce process. Learn how to handle social media while getting a divorce.

How-to Handle Social Media While Getting a Divorce: Ways to Avoid It

Perceptions and Consequences

Most people overshare and over-post on social media. They lay out every detail of their life for everyone to see. Oversharing on social media while getting a divorce can come back to haunt you. For example, if you post about engaging risky behaviors, this could hurt you in a custody battle. In addition, if you have posted things that could hint at an extramarital relationship, this could hurt you as well.

Some people may even get angry about the divorce and post threatening posts about their soon-to-be ex. Keep in mind that the court can use anything on social media as evidence against you. This is true whether it is a public or private message, so never post anything privately or publicly that you don’t want other people to see. A good rule is to always use common sense.

Take a Break

Ideally, you should take a break from social media while getting a divorce. First, so many people only show their curated highlights online, and never the things they are actually going through. Scrolling mindlessly through peoples highlight reals for hours at a time can be harmful to your mental health. You could start comparing your life to theirs, which is not healthy. This is especially true when you are going through a difficult time in your life yourself.

Take a break from social media to reflect on what is going on in your life. Look at how you got to this point and how you can start to heal and move forward. Social media takes up so much of our time that oftentimes we forget about taking time for ourselves. Instead, step back from social media and focus on taking care of yourself while you are going through this process. Who knows, perhaps after the break, social media will no longer rule your life anymore.