Marriage Counseling Techniques

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
There are many marriage counseling techniques that you can bring into your everyday life to strengthen your relationship. While going to therapy is the most helpful thing, if that’s not doable now, you can try at-home practices with these tried-and-true methods for increasing intimacy. Improve your communication with reflective listening, or explore each other’s love languages. Learning conflict resolution is very important for any relationship, especially a marriage. And sometimes, exploring childhood trauma through methods like Imago therapy can help you better understand your partner. Hopefully, you can use some of these techniques to strengthen your marriage and explore deeper parts of your relationship.

Marriage Counseling Techniques to Strengthen Your Relationship

Reflective Listening

While everybody knows that it’s important to be a good listener, one of the marriage counseling techniques that is quite helpful is learning to reflectively listen. This means that as your partner is talking, you can reflect on them your understanding. Actively listen to what they’re saying, and engage back with questions or discussion. You can also practice “I” language, which means stating things from your point of view rather than as observations. For example, you might say “I feel hurt when I say that” instead of “You shouldn’t say that.”

Love Languages

Exploring your love languages is another of the marriage counseling techniques that you can easily incorporate into your relationship. The idea is that everybody has a specific way of expressing and receiving affection. It might be through words of affirmation, gifts, spending quality time, acts of service, or being physically tough. Understanding your partner’s love language can help you both better communicate your affection for one another.

Conflict Resolution

One of the main reasons why people seek out therapists is to find marriage counseling techniques for conflict resolution. Often, it’s helpful to put yourself in your partner’s shoes to try to empathize with why they are feeling the way they are. Taking some time to reflect on the bigger picture of your lives together to decide if a fight is worth dwelling on, or finding compromises that work for both are also helpful ways to resolve conflict.

Imago Therapy

Finally, one of the marriage counseling techniques that can be explored a little bit at home is the Imago therapy method. This method is based on the idea that childhood experiences can influence our decisions as adults. Together, you and your partner can explore your childhoods to deepen your understanding of one another and hopefully, bring you closer. Marriage counseling is one of the best resources for a couple to strengthen their relationship. Whether you’re going through a rough patch or are feeling confident in your marriage, a therapist can still help you better communicate with one another. However, you can also practice some marriage counseling techniques together at home like practicing reflective listening. Or explore your love languages together – you can even take a quiz online to find out what your languages are. Working on conflict resolution and exploring your childhoods can also bring you closer as a couple. Whether it’s smooth sailing or rough waters in your marriage, counseling can be hugely beneficial in giving you the tools to make your relationship last.

Becoming a Single Parent After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Becoming a single parent after a divorce can seem impossible and overwhelming. Dealing with children of any age can be taxing, and going alone can be daunting. However, many times, children are better off with parents who peacefully co-parent than they are living with parents who are forcing them to stay in an unhappy marriage. If you have decided to divorce, the first thing to do is to re-examine your budget. Figure out what you can outsource to others, and don’t be afraid to ask for help. Accept that you’ll need to let some things go, but remember that your children will be just fine. Especially if you focus on prioritizing your mental health, as well as theirs. Hopefully, you can figure out this new single-parent lifestyle quickly.

Becoming a Single Parent After Divorce: How Do I Survive?

Look at the Budget

Becoming a single parent after divorce might mean a big change to your finances. Suddenly, you’re dealing with one income instead of two, plus you might be figuring out things like support payments. Sitting down to re-examine your budget is a great way to get a feel for whether or not you need to make some changes to your lifestyle.

Get Help

Another thing that budgeting can help you figure out is what tasks you can afford to outsource. Becoming a single parent after divorce means that suddenly you are also the sole manager of the household. If you can afford to hire out things like child care, lawn care, laundry, and cleaning, it might help you stay in control of your schedule. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from friends or family, especially while you are adjusting to this new lifestyle.

Let Some Things Go

It’s important to remember that you’ll need to let some things go when becoming a single parent after divorce. You can’t be everywhere at once and still stay focused. So try to pick and choose the things that are important to you. For example, maybe you care very much about coaching your child’s basketball team, but you don’t have time to volunteer at school lunches. Or perhaps delegating a task at work to another employee gets you home in time to take your children to a playground in the evening.

Prioritize

Focusing on the really important things should also include self-care. Sacrificing your time will eventually leave you feeling exhausted and at a breaking point. You can’t be the parent that you want to be if your tank is empty. So prioritize some self-care each week and give yourself some grace. Remember that all your children need in life is your love, acceptance, and your support. It’s okay to let some extracurricular activities go if it means giving your best self to your children and focusing on their happiness. Becoming a single parent after divorce can feel daunting, and it is one of the reasons why many couples choose to stay together, even if they are unhappy. However, parenting alone is a transition just like any other, and one that you can get used to if you give yourself some time and patience. Look over your budget now that the divorce is final, and decide if there are tasks that you can afford to hire out to others. If friends or family offer help, take them up on it. And remember that it’s okay to let some things go. Prioritize your happiness and your children’s happiness, and don’t sweat the small stuff. Hopefully, you and your children can adjust quickly to this new change in your life.

Pet Custody During a Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Pet custody during a divorce can be a sticky topic. Your pets become like members of your family, and if you are considering divorce, the idea of your pet living apart from you can be devastating. Many couples wonder if they can legally share custody of their pets. The truth is that although pets feel like family members in our hearts, legally, they are property. Therefore, a judge will consider many factors when deciding which spouse should keep that “asset.” They will do their best to ensure that their decision means that things are fair and equitable. However, although an attorney cannot represent you in a pet custody case, you and your ex could certainly decide on your separation and custody agreement outside of the court.

Pet Custody During a Divorce: Can You Share Custody of Your Fur Baby?

Pets are Property

When looking at pet custody during a divorce, pets are considered legally to be property. Although they become important members of the family, they are not “children.” Instead, a judge will assign them a monetary value. Then they are considered during the divorce as an asset to be divided or reimbursed for equitably.

Deciding What’s Fair

One of the things that a court will look at when deciding on pet custody during a divorce is whether or not the pet is a marital asset. If one spouse or the other had the pet before the relationship began, the court might take that into account. However, the court will look at other factors if the pet was acquired together during the marriage.

Dividing Things Equitably

When figuring out pet custody during a divorce, the pet is legally an asset for the couple. This means, that when the court decides how to split up other assets, they’ll include the pet. The pet will get a monetary value and one spouse will keep the pet. Then, the court will grant the other spouse something of equal value.

Custody Agreement

While the court will not address pet custody during a divorce, you and your ex-spouse can certainly come up with your agreement outside of the court. You can create a separation agreement or even a custody agreement. Some couples choose to have visitation with a pet, while others allow the pet to live with one spouse for some amount of time and then switch. Pet custody during a divorce is a common concern for couples. Although your pet is a piece of property with monetary value in the eyes of the law, that’s not usually how we view our furry friends. Instead, they become like little family members to us. When a couple splits up, it can be a big stress to figure out how to handle pet custody. If the couple cannot agree, the court will decide for them. They’ll do this by assigning a monetary value to the pet. Then, they’ll look at several factors to decide who keeps the pet and who gets something of equal value in the divorce settlement. However, although the court won’t create a separation agreement and custody order for your pet, you and your ex can do that on your own. Hopefully, you can come to an agreement that works for you both.

Making the Most of Mediation

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Mediation is a step that many couples take that can help prevent them from facing a full divorce trial in court. Agreeing to terms in mediation can help you keep costs lower and can expedite things. To make it successful, it’s important to remember to look at the bigger picture and not get bogged down by petty details. However, not all couples can settle their disagreements. So for some, mediation is a step along the way to divorce court. If you do decide to move forward with litigation, having an experienced attorney by your side can help you get the settlement you deserve.

Making the Most of Mediation: Getting What You Need

Mediation vs. Litigation

Mediation is a meeting between you and your soon-to-be-ex where you try to agree on your settlement amicably. A mediator will be there to facilitate things and make sure that arguments don’t escalate. If you and your ex cannot agree, you can move forward with litigation and go to a divorce trial where a judge will decide for you.

Benefits

There are a lot of benefits to mediation over litigation. You’ll have more control and say over things during a mediation session than you do in court. Additionally, it can save you a ton of money because it typically takes much less time than a trial. This can also be less traumatic for you and any children involved with custody issues.

Looking at the Bigger Picture

If you are trying to make mediation successful, it’s important to let go of the idea of “winning” the divorce. The goal is to come to an agreement that both parties can live with and that feels fair to each. Try to focus on the bigger picture and let go of petty squabbles. Don’t hold up negotiations for something that you don’t care about just to spite your ex. Instead, try to remember that if you can agree outside of court, you’ll both save money and time.

When Mediation Fails

While mediation can be a great solution for some couples, it doesn’t work for everybody. If you and your spouse have an especially contentious break-up, or if you simply don’t see eye to eye on issues, you’ll likely need to go to court. The most beneficial thing you can do is hire an experienced attorney to represent your interests. They’ll help you organize everything, put together a strong case, and negotiate on your behalf to get you the best settlement possible. Mediation can be a great solution for some couples so that they can avoid the hassle and money of divorce court. It can save you a lot of time and can be much less stressful. To make the most of mediation, try to keep your eyes on the bigger prize of amicable resolution rather than focusing on trying to beat your ex in court. Remember that you are trying to find compromises that work for you both. However, mediation doesn’t always work, and you might end up going to divorce court. If this is the case, boost your chances of getting a great settlement by hiring an experienced divorce attorney to represent your interests. Hopefully, you and your ex can resolve things quickly and amicably to avoid the stress of court.

Potential Signs of Infidelity in Your Marriage

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Looking for potential signs of infidelity in your marriage can get you into trouble. While nobody wants to be blindsided by a cheating spouse, it’s also important not to jump to conclusions. There are lots of reasons why your partner might be changing their routine. However, if you notice lots of these signs together, it could be a red flag. For example, if you see changes in their personality or their schedule. Or if you catch them in lies. Finally, if your gut is telling you something is wrong, dig a little deeper. The best way to figure out if a partner is being unfaithful is to have an honest conversation with them. Hopefully, your fears are unfounded and there is a completely benign reason for any concerning behavior.

Potential Signs of Infidelity in Your Marriage: Red Flags

Warning

Before you go looking for potential signs of infidelity, it’s important to remember that none of these indicators are foolproof. There are lots of reasons why a spouse might change their routine or be displaying personality changes that have nothing to do with cheating. Don’t jump to conclusions or condemn them without digging deeper and finding out for sure whether or not your feelings are justified.

Changes in Personality or Routine

One of the first potential signs of infidelity might be that you notice a change in personality or routine. For example, if your partner is suddenly on a health kick, or mentions a new “friend” at work in every conversation. Or if they suddenly seem distant, guilty, or on edge. If they begin staying late or working unusual hours, it can also be a reason to dig deeper.

Lying

Another potential sign of infidelity is if you catch your spouse in a lie. If they lie to you about their whereabouts, for example, it can be a potentially bad sign. Or if you sense that they are lying about who they’re spending time with. If they suddenly get overly protective of you using their phone or computer, it might be they are hiding something.

Your Gut Feeling

Finally, one of the most important potential signs of infidelity is your gut feeling. If your instincts are telling you that something is wrong with your marriage, it probably is. It may or may not be cheating, but it needs to be addressed either way. While your gut feeling certainly isn’t proof, it’s worth listening to. There are a lot of potential signs of infidelity that you might spot in your marriage over the years. However, none of these are definitive proof that your spouse is cheating. If you have a sense that there is infidelity, it’s important to sit down and have an honest conversation to get to the bottom of things. Try not to jump to conclusions until you know for sure whether or not your partner is cheating. If you notice concerning behaviors like changes in routine, changes in personality, or lies, it can be alarming. And if your gut is telling you that something is off, it can be stressful. However, it’s important to find out the truth before taking any drastic measures. Hopefully, there is nothing wrong and you and your spouse can move forward with more honest and open communication.

Potty Training Regressions After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Potty training regressions after divorce are very common and completely normal. Divorce is stressful for everybody, children included. Even if they don’t know what’s going on, they often pick up the tension in their parents and experience anxiety. This can lead to all sorts of behavioral regressions, potty training included. Be patient, and give your child time to bounce back. You can also go back to the basics of potty training like getting on a schedule and using a reward system. However, if the issues continue for months on end, it’s probably time to speak to a professional and make sure that your child is getting the emotional support they need to handle the stress. Hopefully, any regressions will be short-lived and you and your family will move on to your new routine quickly and painlessly.

Potty Training Regressions After Divorce: Totally normal

Why does it happen?

Potty training regressions after divorce are a very common reaction in younger children. Many things can upset a potty training schedule. Even things like a child not wanting to give up a toy or simply forgetting to use the bathroom. However, stress and anxiety can also wreak havoc on child behavior. Children react differently than adults do to stress, and sometimes the feeling of being out of control leads to potty training regressions.

Be Patient

If your child is suffering potty training regressions after divorce, the best thing that you can do is to be patient with them. These types of behavioral regressions tend to be short-lived. You might also notice things like disturbances in sleep patterns, food aversions, or behavioral issues. Otherwise chatty and easy-going children might be moody or quick to anger. Most regressions last about a month or so.

Addressing the Issue

To address the issue of potty training regressions after divorce, it can help to go back to the basics. Remind your child to use the bathroom every thirty minutes to one hour. Additionally, make sure to keep them on a very regular routine with sleeping and eating. Children thrive on consistency. You can also try out a reward system where children get a sticker or something fun when they remember to potty.

When to Get Help

If you have tried addressing the potty training regressions after divorce but it’s not working, it might be time to explore other options. Rule out any medical issues first. Then, consider having your child meet with a childhood psychologist or try out play therapy. It’s important to get to the root of their stress and give them healthy ways to cope. Sometimes, children open up more to adults who aren’t their parents. Potty training regressions after divorce are very common and very normal. Behavioral regressions in general are often a reaction to children going through stressful events. For example, divorce, adding a new sibling, moving, or changing schools. If your child is experiencing some regressions, be patient and remember that these things tend to only last a few weeks. If the behavior continues, try addressing it by maintaining a consistent schedule and installing a rewards system. Hopefully, your child will adjust to their new routine quickly. However, if the regressions continue for several months, it’s probably time to reach out to your pediatrician or another professional. Divorce is hard on everybody, kids included, so be patient and remember that this too shall pass.

Remarrying: A Leap of Faith

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

With how hard it can be to date again after a divorce, you’ll probably be pretty happy when you find someone you connect with. When things start to get more “serious”, thoughts of remarrying might cross your mind. However, what if you’re unsure about if things will be a repeat of last time? There’s a few things you can do to help ensure this marriage goes how you want…

Remarrying: Making It Work

Understand your baggage

Remarrying without some kind of baggage is basically impossible. Still, that doesn’t mean you should be afraid of that. Rather, it means you should take the time to understand what this baggage is, and why you may have it. Once you do that, then you can ensure it won’t interfere with your new marriage.

For example, say your last marriage ended due to infidelity. This might cause you to be suspicious of your partner if they’re running late or out of town. You could also have trouble trusting them. Eventually, this could cause problems if you don’t confront and move past it.

Be open & vulnerable

Another thing about remarrying is that it’s important to be open to your new partner. It’s understandable to worry about being too vulnerable. Doing so can make you feel exposed, and bring about fears that your partner will take advantage of that openness, potentially like your last one did.

While that openness can be scary, it’s also an important part of any trusting relationship. You and your partner have to both be able to be honest with each other. If you are willing to be vulnerable, they will be as well, and your bond will strengthen overall.

Keep expectations realistic

Remarrying tends comes with extra expectations. Not only do you want this marriage to go well, but you’ll also probably be comparing it to your previous one. Sometimes, these expectations can get a little out of hand, and take a toll on your relationship when things don’t live up to them.

To avoid this, you and your partner should keep those expectations realistic. Try to sit down and talk to each other about some of those key expectations you have. These could be about finances, handling conflicts, raising kids, or anything else you may think of. That way, you can both be on the same page and get your expectations set accordingly.

Extra Income Post-Divorce: Making Money

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

The financial costs of divorce can have you eager to start working again. Still, even when you start working, you might find yourself needing some more money. That’s why it’s useful to look for extra income post-divorce. There’s a few ways you can earn that extra bit of cash…

Extra Income Post-Divorce: Financial Independence

Sell old belongings

One way to get some extra income post-divorce is by selling off things you don’t need anymore. Everyone has some things which are just taking up space in the home. This could be old clothes sitting in the closet, or some decor or furniture that goes unused. Rather than letting it go to waste, it can be useful to try and sell them.

Even if it’s older or in rough condition, you’d be surprised how much you can get for old clothes, furniture, and other items. Plus, on top of getting some money, you also create space for new replacements. While an old-fashion garage sale can work well, there’s also a lot of stores which will take your old items off your hands.

Pick up a “side gig”

There’s been a lot of talk about “side gigs” these days. These are something you do outside of your main job to get a bit of extra cash. That means they’re also pretty handy for getting extra income post-divorce. What’s nice is that there’s a wide variety of gigs you can try your hand at.

For example, everyone is familiar with ride sharing services like Uber or Lyft. However, you could also try freelance writing if that sounds more up your alley. There’s also transcription services; many of them can be done online, and at your own leisure.

Look for seasonal work

Maybe you only need some extra income post-divorce for a short time. One common time people like to make more money is around the holidays. In these cases, where it’ll only be temporary, you could also look for any seasonal jobs that are hiring.

Like the name implies, these jobs will only need you to work for a short time. Plus, they’re usually eager to fill the positions. If you can find a way to fit them into your schedule, and don’t mind the work, then they can be a nice way to make some more money.

How-to Start Working Again After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

When going through a divorce, you will need to start thinking about your financial situation. Perhaps you were a stay-at-home parent during your marriage and do not have a job now. This life change may now require you to start working again after your divorce. This may be an easy transition for you, but some may also find it to be challenging to reenter the workforce.

How-to Start Working Again After Divorce: Life Transition Preparation

Finances

First, you will need to take a hard look at your finances. Perhaps even after the divorce, you will be in a financial situation where you do not have to work. However, it may be the case where you determine that you will need to start working again after the divorce. Depending on your finances, you will be able to determine if you will need to get a full-time or a part-time job. You will also need to consider if your skillset will allow you to get a job that can cover your expenses.

Continuing Education

Perhaps you have determined that you do not have the skills for a job that gets the income level that you desire or need. In this case, before you start working again, you may need to go back to school. There are quick programs that you can do, such as becoming a dental assisting or a licensed real estate agent. There are even bootcamps for coding classes or digital marketing that will fast-track you to a new career.

For you, getting back into your career may even just be a matter of taking a few continuing education courses to brush up on your knowledge and skills. If you have been out of the workforce for a while, your field likely has new made advancements. Refreshing and updating your skills will make you a more competitive candidate.

Evaluate Your Interests

You will want to evaluate your interests before you start working again. You may have went to school for one thing, but no longer be passionate about that anymore. It is very common for people to find a new career path during their life. Think about what things you enjoy doing and think about how you can apply those things to a job. You will be more likely to enjoy your job if you are doing something that you love.

While it can be daunting to think about going back to work after being out of the workforce for a while, or needing to find a new career that better fits your current situation, it is very possible to do this. Just look at your finances, take courses if needed, and consider your interests. Following these steps will help make the transition much easier.

Talking to Your Therapist About Abuse

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Talking to your therapist about abuse in your marriage or relationship can be painful but helpful. If you are dealing with past trauma, they can help you come to terms with it and find ways to minimize the emotional scars. If the abuse is ongoing, they can give you advice on how to de-escalate situations and get yourself to safety. Your therapist must maintain confidentiality, so it’s safe to tell them. However, don’t tell half-truths or lies if you want therapy to be effective. Opening up can be painful, but take it at your own pace. And finally, if you are feeling discomfort, talk to your therapist about it. Or figure out if it’s time to find somebody new to talk to. Hopefully, they can give you advice to help you safely exit the relationship to keep yourself safe from abuse.

Talking to Your Therapist About Abuse: Confidentiality and Comfort

Confidentiality

Talking to your therapist about abuse is confidential, as long as it does not actively involve a child. Therapists have to report concerns if they fear that you are in danger of hurting yourself. Or if they suspect child abuse or crime. However, if you want to be sure, ask them about their confidentiality policies. You don’t ever have to fear that word will get back to your abuser, though.

Don’t Tell Lies

When talking to your therapist about abuse, it’s important to be completely truthful. Don’t tell lies, omit important details, or tell half-truths. This won’t give your therapist the information they need to truly help you. If you want your therapy to be as effective as possible, then you’ll need to be completely honest.

Opening Up

It can be painful and uncomfortable when talking to your therapist about abuse in your relationship. Take things at your own pace, and go as slowly as you need to. Your therapist should be able to help you navigate this conversation at a pace that feels comfortable to you. Just remember that the more you open up, the more helpful they can be.

Discomfort

Finally, if you are experiencing a lot of discomforts when talking to your therapist about abuse in your marriage, it might be a sign that it’s not a great fit between you. You can talk to them about your discomfort and see if that helps reduce the tension. However, if you don’t feel completely comfortable about being vulnerable with your therapist, it might be time to find a new one.

Talking to your therapist about abuse in your marriage is one way to help reduce the emotional scars that come from this form of trauma. In addition, they can help you navigate the abuse to hopefully exit the relationship safely and de-escalate situations at home. Your therapist will keep everything you tell them in strict confidence in most situations, and you can always discuss their confidentiality policy ahead of time. Be fully honest with them if you want to get the most out of your sessions, and go as slowly as you need to when telling your story. Finally, if you are feeling uncomfortable, it might be a sign that you should have a conversation with your therapist or even begin the search for somebody that is a better fit. Hopefully, they can help you navigate this tough situation.