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Co-Parenting Boundaries: What To Establish

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

It’s always important to set up good, healthy boundaries after your divorce. However, if you’re going to be co-parenting, then you’ll need some specific co-parenting boundaries as well. These boundaries can really help you have a more pleasant co-parenting experience…

Co-Parenting Boundaries: Key Areas

Conversations

It’s important to have good co-parenting boundaries for your conversations. Healthy communication is crucial for any co-parenting plan. If you can’t talk to one another, then it’ll quickly cause issues for you both when it comes to trying to co-parent.

Having some boundaries regarding your conversations can help prevent these issues. Mainly, you want to keep your conversations focused on the kids, and avoid trying to pry into their personal life. You might even find it’s better to keep your conversations through text or phone calls as an extra step to avoid tensions.

Pick-ups & drop-offs

You’ll also want to have good co-parenting boundaries when doing pick-ups and drop-offs. While these might seem pretty simple, the truth is they can be more difficult than you think. Seeing your ex again can bring up strong emotions, which could end up causing you to argue in front of the kids.

That kind of fighting can be traumatic to your kids, who might think that they’re somehow responsible for your fighting. Therefore, you should make sure these times are focused solely on having the kids move from one household to another. If you really do need to talk to your co-parent about something, do it later and in private away from the kids.

New partners

New partners tend to always make co-parenting a little bit trickier than it was before. If your partner starts seeing someone new, then you probably won’t be too fond of this new person at first. Your ex could act the same should you move on and begin dating first as well.

This is why the best thing to do is set up co-parenting boundaries which limit the involvement of these new partners. After all, your agreement was between you and your ex. Keep these new partners out of it for the most part, and wait until things begin to calm down before either of you try and introduce them properly to the other.

Father’s Day Post-Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Many holidays tend to be a bit hard to celebrate after a divorce. A Father’s Day post-divorce is one of those holidays which will require you to navigate a bit differently. However, there are some things you can do to make the day enjoyable for everyone…

Father’s Day Post-Divorce: Make It A Success

Talk to the kids

It’s good to talk to your kids about how a Father’s Day post-divorce will be different than it usually is. Many kids struggle to enjoy these special days because of the divorce. Things tend to feel a little sad for them as they remember that they can’t really celebrate them as they used to before the divorce.

Therefore, don’t be afraid to talk to them about that. Let them know it’s okay if they feel a bit sad, and that you feel sad too. However, be sure to remind them how important they are to you and that you’ll be there for them. This can really help them get back into a better mood.

Try some fun activities

A Father’s Day post-divorce should also involve some fun activities for you and the kids. Just doing nothing may be relaxing for you, but your kids will feel a bit left out. This isn’t something you want to happen, especially coming off of a divorce.

Rather, come up with some things that they can do with you to celebrate the day. They don’t need to be anything complex, but just things you can all enjoy doing together. You can even let the kids try and plan things out! Doing these types of activities are a great way for you and your kids to improve your bond, which the divorce may have strained.

Don’t sweat gifts

Gifts are something which can be a bit tricky for a Father’s Day post-divorce. Younger kids tend to usually make something themselves and give it as a gift. For older kids, though, they usually have the other parent take care of things. This could no longer be possible now after your divorce.

That’s why you won’t want to sweat any gifts, and make sure your kids know that. They could feel guilty if they show up empty-handed, so let them know the thing which really matters to you is spending time with them. Still, if they’re adamant that they want a gift, try to have a grandparent, aunt, or uncle help them pick something out.

Co-Parenting Vocabulary

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

It’s crucial that you and your co-parent practice good communication. A large part of being able to do so is your co-parenting vocabulary. Using some essential phrases will help the both of you talk to each other and take care of your co-parenting duties…

Co-Parenting Vocabulary: What To Use

Please and Thank You

Out of all the phrases, please and thank you are some of the most important for your co-parenting vocabulary. In fact, pretty much everyone is taught from a young age how important they are. That importance doesn’t change when you become co-parents either.

Saying please and thank you is an easy way for you to show some respect to each other. Plus, it makes it a lot easier for you to have them do you a favor, or show your appreciate for when they help you. It seems simple, but a lot of co-parents forget the value of simple courtesies!

Our children

Another helpful phrase to use as part of your co-parenting vocabulary is “our children.” Due to your divorce, it’s easy to feel disconnected from one another. Eventually, this can seep into your co-parenting, where you begin to act more selfishly than selflessly.

However, using “our children” can help reaffirm who exactly your co-parenting is for. That way, you both realize when you’re acting in your own interests at the expense of your kids. This’ll help you to come together and work on solutions together, rather than try and do things your own way.

Let me think on that

If you had a particularly rough divorce, then it’ll take you some time to adjust to working with your ex as a co-parent. In particular, your reactions to their requests might be more negative than they should be. To avoid this, you want to give yourself a chance to really think things through with a clear head.

A good way to do this is just by saying something like “let me think on that” when you need to. Doing this helps to give you some time to consider whatever it is your co-parent is asking. At the same time, it also shows them that you aren’t just blowing off their question or idea and are willing to give it some thought.

Quarantine Co-Parenting: Surpassing Obstacles

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

The stay-at-home orders are beginning to relax and people are starting to hit the streets once again. After all, you’ve been stuck inside for quite some time now. It’s only natural to rush back out, especially if you’ve been stuck quarantining with an ex. Maybe you began your divorce process in January and then quarantine left you in limbo. Therefore, you’ve been stuck inside with your ex for quite some time… Then when you add kids to the mix? Quarantine Co-parenting is no joke. Especially when you’re dealing with turmoil of your own.

Quarantine Co-Parenting: How To Adapt

Communicate Effectively

Communication is crucial for any good co-parenting plan. For quarantine co-parenting, it’s especially important. Doing face-to-face meetings may prove to be hard to pull off at this time. In that case, you’ll need to keep in touch about what your plans are.

As a result, you may want to up your communication efforts. Being in constant contact during these times can reduce you and your ex’s concerns about the kids. Aside from simple texts, it can be handy to make daily catch-up calls and use calendar apps to make sure you can stay on the same page.

Be Flexible

Another important part of quarantine co-parenting is flexibility. These are unprecedented times, and as such what worked before may not work right now. For instance, it could be the case you or your ex can’t work, and your kids have to take online classes. Your could even find you need to rework your whole previous schedule.

Therefore, try to be as flexible as you can. Don’t worry about if your visiting time becomes a bit shorter then it usually is. It’s a difficult time for everyone, and you’ll have to make some changes in order to help keep them all safe.

Prepare for the long-term

While these tough times will pass, it’s still good to plan ahead for the long-term. How your quarantine co-parenting goes now can influence how easy it’ll be to return to your “normal” plan. That’s why you don’t want to take any unnecessary risks or let the stress get to you.

Remember to take a step back every now and again to re-focus on your shared goals. You both want what’s best for your kids, especially during these times. If you’re able to work together now, then collaborating after the quarantine will be a whole lot easier as well.

Keep Positive During Divorce: Finding Joy

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce tends to shake up a person’s life in many different ways. As a result, it can be hard to keep positive during divorce. However, practicing a few key things can help you keep a positive mindset…

Keep Positive During Divorce: Steps To Take

Embrace some stability

It can be easy to feel like things are slipping out of your control when divorcing. When everything seems to be changing, you’ll want to embrace the things which remain stable. Doing so is important if you want to keep positive during divorce.

For instance, if you’ll be keeping the home, you don’t need to make a ton of changes all at once. Even if you need to move, you can find somewhere close rather than move far away. Plus, remember that you don’t need to jump into new commitments like dating until you feel ready. Instead, try to take this time reorganize and begin adjusting to what life will be like post-divorce.

Accept help from others

If you want to keep positive during divorce, then you should accept some outside help. Those around you who care about you will want to try and do what they can to give you a hand. It can be hard to accept their help, as you may feel like some kind of “burden.” In reality, this couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Your friends and family care about you, and just like you’d help them when they need it, they want to help you now. Don’t be afraid to lean on them for extra help, especially when you need someone to talk to. If they invite you out to social events, try and make an effort to go even if it feels hard. You’ll be surprised at how much better you’ll feel when you spend your time with them!

Practice some self-improvement

A great way to keep positive during divorce is by focusing on some self-improvement. Making helpful changes can be a great way to balance out those “negative” ones you may be experiencing. In general, most people like to focus on their health, both physically and mentally.

Plenty of research has shown that exercising helps improve our moods and clear our minds. It’s also a great way to get out of the house and potentially meet new people. This makes it great to do along with mental health improvements, as they’ll both tie into one another.

Co-Parenting Pettiness: Setting Differences Aside

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Having a good co-parenting plan is important for sharing custody after your divorce. However, co-parenting pettiness can easily undermine your plans. Identifying and correcting this sort of behavior is important for making your co-parenting experience go smoothly…

Co-Parenting Pettiness: Common Behavior

Procrastination

Procrastinating isn’t just a bad habit to have. It can also be a sign of post-divorce pettiness. For instance, maybe your ex has had something come up, and asks if you can watch the kids for them. Instead of getting back as soon as you can, you instead wait until the last minute to reply.

This is not only frustrating for your ex, but also sets a bad example for your kids. Plus, it also can lead to your ex doing the same in return. Rather, you should do your best to prioritize matters related to your co-parenting agreement.

“Can’t” vs. “Won’t”

Any good co-parenting agreement is going to include some compromises. Still, sometimes that can be hard to accept. There may be times where you don’t want to compromise, but also don’t want to come out and say that you’ll refuse to do something.

Rather, you might tell your ex that you “can’t” do what they’re asking, rather than saying you “won’t.” This is not only unfair to them, but over time, they’ll catch on to how you somehow always have an excuse ready to go. Instead of trying to ignore these conversations, be willing to talk to your ex about the compromise you make and find one which works for you both.

Silent treatment

The silent treatment is a pretty extreme kind of co-parenting pettiness. It’s understandable that you and your ex may not want to talk all that much after your divorce. Nevertheless, you’ll still need to keep some form of communication open due to your custody arrangement. Choosing not to talk at all though is just going to cause problems.

During those times you have to talk to one another, try to keep the conversation brief and to-the-point. Avoid getting sidetracked or trying to pry into their personal life. If in-person conversations don’t work, it may help to keep things strictly over-the-phone or through email.

Post-Divorce Anxiety: Maintaining Mental Health

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Taking care of your mental health is quite important after your divorce. However, many people tend to experience a lot of post-divorce anxiety. This tends to be because of all the changes going on. Seeing what causes this anxiety can help you know ways you can get it under control…

Post-Divorce Anxiety: Emotional Impact of Divorce

Moving

One common reason for post-divorce anxiety is when someone needs to move. The combination of both leaving your spouse, and the place you’ve called home, can be hard to handle. Having to go do things solo in a place that’s new to you can be tough, and leave you full of anxiety.

Still, keep in mind that you got a divorce for a reason. It’s easy to create an idealized version of living with your spouse that didn’t match the reality. Think about all the things they did that frustrated you, and now take comfort in the fact that you can start living on your own terms.

Making new friends

Your social life can also be a cause of post-divorce anxiety. People are social creatures by nature. Even if you’re more introverted, you’ll still like doing things with friends every now and again. With your divorce, you might now find a lot of friends you and your ex had may not stick around like they used to.

While you may still have close friends and family, it’s still always good to try and make new ones. This can seem daunting, but keep in mind you’ve been making friends all throughout your life. Consider going to some kind of social event or a picking up a hobby. These can both be great ways to find like-minded people who you can become friends with.

Extra costs

Your former budget is probably going to need some adjustment after your divorce. It tends to be cheaper and easier to budget when you’re married. Now, you’ll be going back to a single source of income. Add in any extra costs which could’ve came from the divorce, and it can easily get your post-divorce anxiety racing.

Remember that there’s been times before when you’ve had to crunch your budget. You made it through those times, so you can make it through these ones as well. Take some time to really look over your income and expenses, and work out a way to make some savings. Doing so can really help put your mind at ease.

Dating Online: Keep Your Eyes Open

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

When you try to date again after your divorce, you may be interested in some online options. However, while dating online can be convenient, it can also have people looking to scam you. Therefore, it’s important to know how you can protect yourself accordingly…

Dating Online: Avoid Scammers

Check their profile

A good thing to do when online dating is checking a person’s profile. Many people get matches and just assume they must have something in common. As a result, they don’t pay attention to what a person’s profile has. By not doing this, they could be setting themselves up for a scam.

Many scammers will either have very simple profiles, or ones full of spelling errors and mistakes. In fact, they may even use fake pictures to try and trick you. It’s good to try and do a Google reverse image search on their profile pictures. That way, you can see if they’re legit, or pretending to be someone else.

Watch for red flag phrases

Scammers who try and target those dating online tend to also use similar playbooks. Usually, they’ll try and get you to either give them personal information or money. For example, they may say that they’re having a hard time financially and need some money if they were to go and see you. Or, they’ll try and ask very specific questions, usually to try and hack into your accounts.

Some scammers may also try and use blackmail. They’ll ask you to send compromising videos or pictures, and then threaten to send them to people you know unless you give them money. That’s why you need to be careful about what you share with these strangers.

Be careful of links

A new scamming method to be aware of when dating online are phishing links. These are links which someone will send to you in order to try and steal your information. For example, they may send a link which seems to be for their Facebook. In reality, it sends you to a site which either locks your computer, installs a virus, or tries to steal your personal info.

It’s best to avoid clicking any links a person sends, especially if it’s the first thing they send you. You should also make sure you have some kind of anti-virus protection. These programs can detect scam links, and help you avoid clicking on them.

Quarantine With Your Ex: Strained Social Distancing

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

The COVID-19 pandemic has caused many people to put their divorce plans on hold. However, you might have just made the mark. But, now you’re finding that your moving plans and custody plan has been put on hold and you’re left to quarantine with your ex. While this isn’t ideal, it is something you have to make work for the time being. So, we’re here to help..

Quarantine With Your Ex: Make It Work

Understand the situation

To handle quarantine with your ex, it helps to first understand the situation you’re both in. You and they won’t be able to just “go away”, especially after a fight or argument. Therefore, you have to consider what you’re going to do: will you constantly fight with one another, or try and make things work out?

Choosing the former will make the quarantine experience miserable for the both of you. Spending every day at each other’s throats isn’t good for your mental well-being. Instead, you should try and reach some neutral ground. By agreeing on this, you can make matters a lot easier.

Set aside personal space

Experiencing quarantine with your ex means you’ll be stuck inside the home all day. Depending on the house you have, that probably doesn’t leave a lot of space. Constantly being around them can be hard, especially if the divorce was a rough experience. That’s why it’s good to set aside some personal private areas.

This should be a room where you can go and not be disturbed by your ex. It could be your old bedroom, or an extra room you can make into a temporary bedroom. Having this personal space can help you breathe and relax, even if you have to share the rest of the house with your ex.

Keep yourself busy

Quarantine is leaving a lot of people with more free time than usual. Not having anything to do could inadvertently cause you and your ex to start arguing over small, non-important things. Having something to keep you busy can make quarantine with your ex a more tolerable experience.

Even if you can’t really go out, there’s still plenty of hobbies you can try out. Some popular ones have been reading, catching up on movies, or getting into gardening. Plus, you can still stay in touch with friends and family through digital means. That way, you don’t feel totally alone and “trapped” with your ex

Post-Quarantine Divorce: An Unexpected Increase?

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

The COVID-19 pandemic and quarantine has certainly shaken things up for many couples. However, not all relationships will make it through unscathed. In fact, many experts expect to see a rise in post-quarantine divorce rates. There’s a couple reasons why this may be happening…

Post-Quarantine Divorce: Why It’s Happening

Previously planned

The simplest reason as to why some couples will get a post-quarantine divorce is because they already planned to split beforehand. In order to slow the spread of the virus, many states and countries issued stay-at-home orders. This meant places which usually would be open have had to either had to close or shift to online-only access.

As a result, many couples saw their divorce plans hit a snag. With places like courthouses offering limited accessibility, it became harder to get things moving. Instead, they usually agree to wait until the lock downs are over, which’ll make things much easier for them. In the meantime, they’ll keep preparing to ensure a smooth return to the divorce process .

Growing tensions

The other main reason behind a post-quarantine divorce is the quarantine itself. The quarantine means couples have to spend a lot of time with each other in the house. As a result, if they were already having problems, then things can quickly get worse as they have nowhere else to go.

Many couples find themselves fighting more often while in quarantine. With nothing else to do, it becomes easier for these fights and problems to take priority and become the focal point. Other couples are taking this time to do some self-reflection, and may realize that they aren’t happy with their current marriage and want some change.

What to do

If a couple was already set on divorcing beforehand, then they probably won’t change their mind about a post-quarantine divorce. However, for other couples, it is possible to change things. While resources like marriage counseling might not be available, couples can still work on improving their relationship. This could help them to take the time to fix their issues, rather than letting them get worse.

Still, if a couple reflects and realize a divorce is best for them, then they don’t just have to sit around. Rather, they can begin adapting themselves to what their post-divorce life may be like. This can include setting up good boundaries despite still living together, and talking to the kids about what’ll happen.

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