First Months Post-Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce can be a difficult time for those who experience it. However, the first months post-divorce can also be pretty hard as well. Still, once that hurdle is cleared, things become much easier. That’s why it’s important to know how to thrive in those first few months…

First Months Post-Divorce: Making Changes

Keep yourself busy

One of the things you’ll want to avoid doing during those first months post-divorce is wallowing and isolating yourself. Now, wallowing is much different from normally feeling sad or upset. Whereas the later will eventually pass and you’ll feel better in the end, wallowing keeps you stuck and from doing anything. Therefore, you’re going to want to avoid this potential stagnation.

It helps to keep yourself busy during these first few months. Try to get started on the things you need to do to get your post-divorce life going. This could include home improvement, working, or exploring new hobbies. It’s okay to have those days where you need to be alone and gather your thoughts. What’s important is being able to pick yourself up the next day and keep going.

Look for support

Another helpful way to survive those first months post-divorce is to look for some support. Now, your friends and family have probably already been a large support group for you. Still, they might not know exactly what you’re dealing with. That’s why specialized support can be handy.

For example, you can look for any divorce support groups you can join. These groups will be filled with people who have dealt with, or are dealing with the same stuff you are. You can also try out counselling too. There, you can learn some strategies of how to deal with and work through the emotions you’re feeling. 

Do what’s best for you

During these first months post-divorce, you’re probably going to hear a lot of people giving their opinions about what you should do. Now, odds are that they mean well, but they ultimately don’t know you like you know yourself. That’s why it’s important to always remember that you should do what’s ultimately the best thing for you.
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For instance, maybe people might start asking you if you’ve thought about dating again. However, that’s really none of their business. Instead, you should only date if and when you feel comfortable enough to do so. After all, your personal happiness is the most important thing, especially after your divorce.

High Conflict Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

While getting a divorce isn’t an easy decision, you’d hope that your spouse can handle it in a professional way. However, this isn’t always the case. Your spouse might react in any number of ways, and this can lead to problems during your divorce. For this reason, we’ve put together some key tips for spotting, and handling, a potentially high conflict divorce.

High Conflict Divorce: Potential Signs

How To Identify a High Conflict Spouse

To have a high conflict divorce, there’ll inevitably be one, or even two, high conflict spouse(s). But how can you tell if your spouse fits the bill? One method of understanding, is to ask yourself a few questions… Are you constantly defending yourself? Do you feel intimidated and afraid of making suggestions?

Am I frightened to have a conversation?

If you answer yes to any of these questions, then you might be facing a high conflict divorce. Afterwards, think about your spouse’s behavior. Are they unwilling to compromise? Do they constantly jump to conclusions, or try to escalate even small disagreements? These are all red flags of a high conflict spouse. Once you identify your spouse as high conflict, the next task will be doing what you can do in these tense situations.

Don’t Take Things Personally

When in a high conflict divorce, you might wonder how you didn’t see this coming, or what you should’ve done differently. However, this kind of thinking is counter-productive and possibly what your spouse wants you to do. If you focus too much on blaming yourself and letting what your spouse says get to you, then they may hope you’ll give up on the divorce or not fight for what you deserve. Remember, your marriage involved your spouse as well, and they also played a role in things not working out. Odds are anything they say to you is just a reflection of what they themselves feel they should’ve done differently.

Don’t Play Their Games

In a high conflict divorce, high conflict spouses gain their power from getting reactions out of you. Their ultimate goal is to get you angry and into arguments with the hope of making you into the “bad guy”. That way, they can flip the divorce onto you and make it seem like you’re the problem, not them. This is why it’s important to not play their games. Say your final words and don’t let them have anything else. They’ll realize soon enough that their tactics aren’t going to work on you.

Divorce takes a lot out of person, and high conflict divorces especially so. However, while it might be more difficult, it certainly isn’t impossible. Remember to keep your cool and you’re spouse will lose any power they think they might’ve had.

Divorce Predictors

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

There aren’t any 100% divorce predictors out there. However, some red flags tend to stand out more than others. These signals tend to often pop up when a divorce is on the horizon. It’s important to know what these signs are, so you can potentially change course…

Divorce Predictors: Spot The Red Flags

Communication breakdown

Communication breakdowns can be one of those divorce predictors that sneaks up on couples. In fact, communication issues can be at the root of nearly all relationship troubles. When a couple has trouble talking to each other, eventually they might find themselves drifting apart past the point of fixing it.

Still, it can be hard to initially notice when this kind of breakdown happens. That’s why it’s important to be proactive. If you notice that you have trouble talking to your spouse, or you feel like they’re ignoring you, then it’s time to take some action. Try to have a serious sit down with your spouse to see where the problems came from, and how you can try to fix them together.

Constant arguing

Constant arguing is another common example of divorce predictors. This also ties in a bit to communication breakdowns. When a couple can’t communicate effectively, it can lead to them getting frustrated and eventually angry at each other. This can turn into constant arguments, and eventually a divorce.

Now, it’s very easy to tell when you and your spouse are constantly arguing. However, it’s not so easy to navigate this situation and find a solution. Firstly, you’ll have to sit down with them and figure out what’s been causing the issues between you both. If it’s something one or both of you have been doing, then be willing to take that critical look at yourself to try and fix it in the future.

Infidelity

Whereas the other divorce predictors may be harder to spot, infidelity is a pretty clear-cut one. For many, infidelity is an immediate point of no return for their marriage. However, there are those who will try to fix things, but with a lot of hard work and trust rebuilding put into it. In this situation, it ultimately comes down to how you feel about trying to fix things.

Post-Divorce Isolation

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

With how much stuff needs to get done during a divorce, you’ve probably been pretty busy. However, what about when all the dust has settled? For many people, this is when the post-divorce isolation sets in. Handling this feeling can be tricky, but it isn’t impossible…

Post-Divorce Isolation: How To Handle It

Why it happens

It’s important to understand why post-divorce isolation occurs in the first place. The largest factor is your divorce itself. The focus of divorce is about splitting away from someone you were close to. Even if you no longer have the feelings for them that you used to, it’s still tough to break away and not feel isolated now that you’ve lost that connection.

There’s also some other elements which can come into play. For example, maybe your divorce has resulted in you having to move into a new home or apartment. This could put you further away from friends and family, who have probably been your biggest support system. Feeling like you’re “stranded” can also increase that sense of isolation. 

Come to terms with it

When handling post-divorce isolation, it’s important to understand that being alone isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it’s a good idea to get comfortable with being by yourself. This will help you do some good self-reflection and come to terms with what happened.

Of course, this doesn’t mean you have to purposefully isolate yourself from the world. It just means that in those moments you do find yourself alone, don’t let it get to you. Instead, channel that time into doing what you want to do and making some plans for your new future.

Pushing past it

Once you’ve gotten comfortable with the alone time and yourself, then you can really push past that post-divorce isolation. Of course, you can do this in several ways. Many people like to start small by going back out with friends, and then slowly working their way towards making new friends on their own.
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A good idea might be to try and connect with others who are or have been in your position. For instance, you can look to connect with other divorced moms if you yourself are one. These days, the internet makes it pretty ease to find and connect with people like you all over the world!

Post-Divorce Budget: Managing Your Money

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Getting your new life after your divorce going is easier said than done. In fact, there’s a few things you’ll need to do beforehand. Most notably, this includes setting up a post-divorce budget. Having a good budget can really help you avoid financial stress and begin your new life on the right foot…

Post-Divorce Budget: How To Adapt

Revisit your old one

The building blocks of your post-divorce budget can really come from the old one you had. Now, you’ll certainly have to make some adjustments. After all, you’re probably going from having two sources of income, to only yours. However, there might also be some expenses which you don’t have to worry about, or maybe even some new ones to consider.

Plus, there’s a pretty easy way of visualizing this starter budget. Draw a line down the middle of a piece of paper, and have one side be for your income, and another for expenses. Fill each side out, and then add the totals up at the bottom. This quick draft budget can help you see if your finances are in good shape, or if you need to make some changes.

Focus on the necessities

If you find that your post-divorce budget isn’t looking so good, then it’s time to make some cutbacks. That means that you’ll have to focus on the necessities over the more optional things. Basically, you’ll want to prioritize your needs (clothing, food, shelter, and transport) over your wants.

Still, even for your needs, you don’t have to go crazy. For instance, you might need clothes, but that isn’t an excuse to go on a big upscale shopping spree. Buy the things you can comfortably afford, and cut out those other things which are just draining money. This can help you balance out your budget.

Avoid big purchases

A big purchase can really mess with your post-divorce budget. For example, you might be tempted to move to a new house or get a new car as a sort-of kick starter for your new life. However, these kinds of purchases can really hurt your wallet, and leave you stuck in a worse situation in the long run.

Angry Ex: Emotional Impact of Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce can stir up a wide range of emotions, and not all of them are pleasant. As a result, having an angry ex isn’t all that uncommon. Still, what do you do when you have to try and co-parent with them? There are a few ways you can try to defuse the tension between you…

Angry Ex: How To Handle Them

Be empathetic

Try to remember that anger is usually a secondary emotion. Odds are, an angry ex is hiding their griefor sadness over what’s happened behind their anger. This can be especially apparent if they weren’t the ones who suggested the divorce. In these cases, your ex can find it harder to adjust to the new post-divorce life.

As a result, this struggle can lead to their anger. That’s why it helps to try and be more empathetic when interacting with them. Try to let them know you understand why they feel how they do, and you don’t want to be their enemy. Instead, you want to work with them to co-parent properly.

Work on communication

Even if you try to be considerate, talking to an angry ex can be difficult. They might always try and shut you down, or quickly escalate things into screaming matches. In these scenarios, it’s important to know how you can properly communicate, even when your ex doesn’t want to.

Try and keep your interactions brief and straight to the point. Don’t try to bring up other topics or get distracted. Instead, keep it focused only on whatever the main thing you need to discuss is. Also, remember to try and use neutral and non-accusatory language, as to avoid blow-ups caused by misunderstanding.

Keep clear boundaries

Sometimes, no matter what you do, an angry ex is just not going to want to talk to you. They might ignore you, yell at you, and refuse to let you get your point across. However, you don’t have to just accept this kind of harassment. Instead, it’s perfectly acceptable to set some clear boundaries.

When your ex starts lashing out, let them know that if they continue, you’ll just leave and wait until they calm down. This lets them know that they can’t just attack you and expect you to allow it without consequence. Plus, if they try to pry out more personal, off-topic information, remind them of your boundaries and use a similar strategy if they don’t get the message.

Dating Post-Divorce: Getting Back Out There

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

With how many divorces happen in the U.S. alone, that means there’s a lot of newly single people out there. For some of these people, the question of dating post-divorce is heavy on their minds. While it may feel odd at first, it is possible to rebuild your confidence to begin dating once again…

Dating Post-Divorce: Find Your Confidence

Take time for yourself

Before you start dating post-divorce, try to take some time for yourself. Divorce is a pretty heavy event, and it makes you have to do a lot of thinking. Some of that thinking tends to be doing some self-reflection, and trying to figure out what it is you value in a relationship.

If you just try to jump into a new relationship, more often than not it won’t work out. It’s important to take some time to get yourself ready and prepared to truly enter the dating field again. Remember, there’s no specific time that you have to start dating again. It’s all about when you feel ready.

Do some self-improvement

Your post-divorce life is the perfect time to do some self-improvement. This self-improvement can really help improve your mindset and get you feeling good as you start your new life. Plus, it can also help you get some good confidence before you start dating post-divorce.

For example, many people like to take this time to get healthier by eating right and exercising. Doing this will not only help you feel good, but the results can do a lot for your confidence. So can re-inventing your wardrobe. Feeling confident in how you look can help you feel confident when dating again.

Understand what you want

When you do start dating post-divorce, keep in mind what kind of relationship you want. Do you just want something that’s laid-back and casual? Or are you looking for a serious commitment? Knowing what you want will help you find people who are looking for the same kind of relationship.

Keep in mind too that it can take time to get something going. Odds are, you might have more misses before you find someone who gels with you. Just keep at it and don’t get discouraged!

Post-Divorce Life: Making Changes

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

A common question people face after their divorce is over is: what now? With how time consuming divorce can be, you might’ve not had a lot of time to think about your post-divorce life. However, there are plenty of ways to get your new life going on the right track…

Post-Divorce Life: Get Things Going

Make new friends

An unfortunate reality of divorce is that it can sometimes cause you tolose touch with friends. Some might’ve only been friends through your ex, others might just not be comfortable with the situation. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t make some new ones in their place.

A great way to meet new friends is by going out and doing things. Maybe there’s some special even your town is having soon. Or, perhaps there’s a group related to a hobby you enjoy. Attending things like these is a great way to meet new, similar-minded people who can quickly become friends.

Organize the house

With how hectic divorce can be, it’s not uncommon for even the most organized people to fall a bit behind. However, having a cluttered and messy home can really negatively impact your mental health. Instead, it’s a good idea to take this time and get things back in order as they should be.

For starters, organization comes with plenty of health benefits. Plus, it’s great for beginning your process of letting go of your past relationship. Sort through the things you have, keep what you need, and let those other items go, either through donation, selling them, or just tossing them.

Get healthy

Many people like to use their divorce as a new starting point for the rest of their lives. Therefore, it’s very common to see people start to get healthy to kick off their post-divorce life. This is usually done through eating healthier, getting more exercise, or a combination of both.

The nice thing about getting healthy is that there’s plenty of ways you can do it. You can hit the gym, do some exercises at home, or just go for a run around the neighborhood. Not only will you feel better, but your body will thank you in the long run.

Divorce Support Network: Why It’s Important

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce isn’t easy for anyone, especially if you feel like you have to handle everything by yourself. However, building a good divorce support network can help you get the support you need during this trying time. As it turns out, there’s plenty of people you can turn to who might be willing to offer you a hand…

Divorce Support Network: Finding Your Circle

Your family

Your family is really like the core of your divorce support network. Odds are, your family members were the first ones you told about your divorce plans. You might’ve even told them about your marriage problems before the divorce even started. Therefore, family members tend to be a great source of support for you.

Your family can help you out with a lot of things. They can help give you a place to stay, help you with babysitting, or whatever other tasks you might need to take care of. Still, you don’t have to get your whole family involved. Just your closest members is all it takes to have a good support system.

Your friends

Just behind your family in your divorce support network are your friends. For many people, their closest friends are like family. As a result, it’s clear why they too are also an important source of support. In fact, your friends can help give you support that your family might not be able to offer.

Your friends can help you in similar ways to your family, like with emotional support and babysitting. However, they can also help you relax and let go of some stress. When you feel like you need to have some fun again, turn to your friends. Spending time with them can really help get your divorce off your mind.

Outside help

Your friends and family are key parts of your divorce support network. However, sometimes you might need some extra, professional help. That’s when it’s time to seek some outside help. A new perspective can help you find some answers to the issues you’ve been dealing with.

For example, a divorce coachcan help give you some emotional support, as well as some tips for smoothing out your divorce. You can also see someone such as a therapist. Not only will they help you figure out what’s bothering you, they’ll also help you plan out methods to deal with it.