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Staying Friends with Your Ex: Post Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Not all divorces have to end poorly. It is possible to stay friends with your ex after a divorce. This may not be an immediate instant thing, but it is possible. However, you have many memories and experiences together, and know each other in a way that nobody else does. Just because you are no longer a romantic couple doesn’t mean you have to lose the great friendship you once had. This may be easier for some parties than others, and impossible for some all together.

Staying Friends with Your Ex: Tips

Time

The first key to staying friends with your ex is time. Divorce is never easy, no matter who initiated it. You may need time to heal and forgive. Give yourself time to work through your feelings. This could range from anger, sadness, denial, disgust, self-pity, or relief. It is important to take the time to grieve the loss of the relationship. Do not be afraid to cry. Have a girls night, or talk with someone about the feelings you are having.

Move Slowly

Do not expect it to be a quick process when trying to stay friends with your ex. Just because you want to be friends does not mean that relationship has to start as soon as the divorce papers are signed. You have to move at a pace that is right for both you and your partner. Remember, there was a reason that one of you broke things off in the first place.

If you are co-parenting, there is the chance for a family together to allow the new friendship to develop. For example, you could schedule family activities together like game night or weekly dinner together. Just take baby steps.

No Intimacy

Intimacy could complicate things. Just because you are wanting to stay friends with your ex does not open the door for intimacy. Do not let yourself fall into the trap that it is okay because you have done it before when you were married. The hormone that is released from intimacy is called oxytocin, and connects you to someone on a deep, emotional level. This could make things complicated, and lead you down a path that you do not want to go down. If you want to just be friends, and not friends with benefits, with your ex, stay away from intimacy.

Build Trust

After everything that happened before and during the divorce, it may feel difficult to trust one another. However, trust is an important part to becoming friends with your ex. A good place to start rebuilding trust is to follow through on what you say you will do. You should also tell the truth, keep your promises, and not bad mouth your ex to other people.

While staying friends with your ex may seem like a lofty goal, it is certainly possible by just following these steps. Remember, it will take time and may be a slow process, but work on building trust and a friendship may come in time.

Finding Peace Post-Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

A divorce can end up leaving you pretty shaken up. As such, it’s not uncommon to feel uneasy, which can end up becoming unhealthy. Instead, it’s important to work on finding peace post-divorce. Doing so is key for surviving and thriving in your new post-divorce life…

Finding Peace Post-Divorce: Strike A Balance

Focus on yourself

Sometimes, it’s tough to spend time on yourself after your divorce. After all, you’ve got a lot of things which still need your attention. However, one of the most important things for finding peace post-divorce is being able to focus on yourself.

Think of it like investing for the future. If you take the time now to do some self-care, you’ll be able to move ahead more quickly in your post-divorce life. Plus, it helps that there’s such a wide variety of things you can do. Just taking a few minutes each day for yourself will really go a long way.

Check your diet

Making some dietary changes is also useful for finding peace post-divorce. Most people are aware that eating healthier can make them feel better. Still, when you’re stressed, it’s especially helpful to alter your diet just a bit.

For instance, things like caffeine, sugar, and refined carbs can cause spikes and crashes in your blood pressure, which leads to spikes in stress hormones. Meanwhile, eating a nutrient-dense diet of fruits, vegetables, and lean-proteins can help give you plenty of energy and boost your mood. You can also try out supplements but be sure to do some research beforehand.

Practice some mindfulness

Having a stressful divorce can make you feel a bit confused and frazzled. It can be tough to figure out what exactly your next move should be. Not only is this unpleasant, but it can really cause you to feel uneasy. That’s why it helps to be mindful when finding peace post-divorce.

Taking time to mediate is very beneficial. On top of helping to calm the nervous system, it can also reduce the negative effects of anxiety and depression. To get the most out of your efforts, most experts say to spend at least 15-20 minutes meditating during most days of the week.

Divorce Counseling: Different Types

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

A divorce can be a rather difficult experience. There’s a lot of different issues that you’ll need to take care of all at once. As such, it may help to seek out divorce counseling. This counseling can be a good source of support during this rougher time…

Divorce Counseling: Explore Your Options

How it helps

Divorce counseling can be beneficial for you in a number of ways. Most people tend to feel very uncertain and lost when faced with a divorce. They don’t know what they should be doing in order to prepare emotionally, especially in terms of processing those emotions. Others may struggle to figure out how to move forwards from this event.

A counselor can help you find some of the direction you need. They’ll have the tools and resources which can get your prepared for the emotions you’ll experience. Plus, they’ll also help you figure out what you’d like to do afterwards, and how to best go about achieving these new goals.

Pre-divorce

There’s two types of divorce counseling you can get. The first of these is pre-divorce counseling. This counseling is different from marriage counseling. Whereas marriage counseling helps couples who want to remain together, this is for a couple that wants to split but hasn’t started the process yet.

Here, a counselor will help you and your soon-to-be-ex learn how to properly communicate with one another. This will help make the entire process a lot easier for the both of you. Also, if you have kids, then you can also learn helpful ways to minimize the impact the divorce has on them.

Post-divorce

The other type of divorce counseling to try is post-divorce counseling. Like the name implies, this is for when your divorce is either about to be or already is over. Here, your counselor will help you navigate the grief and other emotions you feel and learn how to turn them into more positive ones instead.

You can also expect to develop some new goals and plans for your post-divorce life. It’s not uncommon for those who have been married for a while to struggle with figuring out what they will do next. A counselor can help you recover your identity and live the life you want.

Co-Parenting Positivity

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Going through a divorce is pretty tough, especially if you have to transition into being a co-parent. This can make it hard to feel optimistic about the future. However, it’s key that you try and focus on some co-parenting positivity. Having a positive outlook will help make your experience a lot easier…

 Co-Parenting Positivity: Keep Optimistic

Consider what you’re thankful for

A great way to create some co-parenting positivity is by considering all the things you’re thankful for. It’s easy to focus on all the negatives after a divorce. While you didn’t plan for this situation, there’s still plenty of things you can appreciate.

For instance, you can be thankful that your kids are healthy and that you can still be a parent to them. You can also be grateful for the new opportunities you have following your divorce. When you feel down, take some time to reflect on what’s going good for you. This is a great way to avoid having negativity get into your co-parenting.

Take care of yourself

Keeping healthy is also another good way to maintain some co-parenting positivity. When we feel bad physically, we also tend to feel bad mentally. This can then make it harder for you to co-parent as well as you may like. Getting into some healthy habits can be handy for avoiding this.

Simple things like eating healthier and drinking more water can go a long way in improving your mood. Exercising and getting plenty of sleep will also do the same. You may wonder how this will help you co-parent. However, being well-rested and energized really helps you keep a positive attitude and clear mind.

Talk about what’s important

Communication is always important for any co-parenting plan. Still, what you talk about can be important for your co-parenting positivity. Talking about things unrelated to your kids, especially about your personal life, can quickly put you into a sour mood.

To avoid this, it helps to focus your talks solely on your kids. Keep your conversations brief, with the main topic being about how the kids are doing. After all, you both view your kids as important. Keeping your talks centered around them can help you feel positive and avoid arguments.

COVID Divorce: Questions To Ask

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, many couples have put off their divorce plans until after things settle down. In fact, you may be at the point where you’re also considering getting a divorce. Going through with a COVID divorce isn’t an easy decision to make. Therefore, it helps to ask yourself some key questions beforehand…

COVID Divorce: Is It Right For You?

“Is COVID causing your problems?”

When a COVID divorce crosses your mind, you need to consider what exactly the issues are that you’re dealing with. These are stressful times for everyone, and many people have been impacted even if they don’t get sick. Several couples are dealing with not being able to work, which creates a lot of financial stress.

As a result, consider if the issues you’re facing now are because of COVID itself. Do you expect that things will return to normal for your marriage when the situation clears up? If so, step back and consider that maybe it’s just the stress of what’s going on which is getting to you, and how you can better address it.

“Are these pre-existing problems?”

The COVID pandemic has also led couples to consider what problems their relationship has had for a while. In fact, it’s possible that your life beforehand didn’t let you address them properly. For instance, maybe you were both so busy with working all the time. Due to this, you never had time to talk about what was going on.

Now that you have this time, these issues are probably more noticeable. This could be causing you to consider a COVID divorce. First, try and see if you can talk about these problems properly and work towards some changes. This time could be useful for seeing what changes will help your relationship for the better!

“What’s my plan?”

Maybe you’re completely set on a COVID divorce. At this point, you don’t think that you can fix things with your spouse. Still, you won’t want to just try and start a divorce right away. During these times, it’s important that you have a plan in mind.

It’s good to make sure that you’ll have a place to stay and a good source of income before starting your divorce. You should also try and get some important documents together ahead of time. Remember that you won’t want to rush; doing so will just make things trickier for you!

Anxious Teen: Co-Parenting Woes

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Going through a divorce as a parent can be tough. After all, you don’t want to make things harder for your kids, especially if you have an anxious teen. With how tough being a teenager can be, it’s good for you and your ex to keep these key things in mind when co-parenting…

Anxious Teen: How To Help

Have clear boundaries

During this time, an anxious teen is going to need your support more than ever. Even if they appear to be distant, they still want to have your love and spend time with you. Still, you need to make sure that you have good boundaries because of this.

Mainly, you want to avoid talking about things related to their other parent with them. Don’t use them as a source for venting your frustrations. This will just make them more anxious, especially when they’re with their other parent. Instead, focus on what you can do together to improve your bond.

Set a good example

It’s important that you set a good example for your anxious teen. Studies have shown that teens are very much influenced by how their parents act. For instance, children of parents who tend to fight and argue a lot tends to have higher rates of anxiety and depression.

On the other hand, children of positive and supportive parents are much happier and recover from a divorce faster. This is a time where your teen is going to be trying to figure out who exactly they are. By being a good role model, you’ll help them find some positive answers to those questions.

Encourage co-parent connection

If you feel pretty poorly towards your ex, then you may be wary about letting your anxious teen spend time with them. However, this can result in your teen feeling “alienated” towards their other parent. Not only will this harm their relationship with their parent, but it’ll also cause conflict between you and your ex.

Your child needs to get support from both you and their other parent. At this point in their lives, they need to know that their parents still love them. Therefore, encourage your teen to spend time with their other parent, even on days where they may say they “aren’t in the mood.” They’ll quickly realize how important this time is.

Keep Positive During Divorce: Finding Joy

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce tends to shake up a person’s life in many different ways. As a result, it can be hard to keep positive during divorce. However, practicing a few key things can help you keep a positive mindset…

Keep Positive During Divorce: Steps To Take

Embrace some stability

It can be easy to feel like things are slipping out of your control when divorcing. When everything seems to be changing, you’ll want to embrace the things which remain stable. Doing so is important if you want to keep positive during divorce.

For instance, if you’ll be keeping the home, you don’t need to make a ton of changes all at once. Even if you need to move, you can find somewhere close rather than move far away. Plus, remember that you don’t need to jump into new commitments like dating until you feel ready. Instead, try to take this time reorganize and begin adjusting to what life will be like post-divorce.

Accept help from others

If you want to keep positive during divorce, then you should accept some outside help. Those around you who care about you will want to try and do what they can to give you a hand. It can be hard to accept their help, as you may feel like some kind of “burden.” In reality, this couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Your friends and family care about you, and just like you’d help them when they need it, they want to help you now. Don’t be afraid to lean on them for extra help, especially when you need someone to talk to. If they invite you out to social events, try and make an effort to go even if it feels hard. You’ll be surprised at how much better you’ll feel when you spend your time with them!

Practice some self-improvement

A great way to keep positive during divorce is by focusing on some self-improvement. Making helpful changes can be a great way to balance out those “negative” ones you may be experiencing. In general, most people like to focus on their health, both physically and mentally.

Plenty of research has shown that exercising helps improve our moods and clear our minds. It’s also a great way to get out of the house and potentially meet new people. This makes it great to do along with mental health improvements, as they’ll both tie into one another.

Co-Parenting Pettiness: Setting Differences Aside

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Having a good co-parenting plan is important for sharing custody after your divorce. However, co-parenting pettiness can easily undermine your plans. Identifying and correcting this sort of behavior is important for making your co-parenting experience go smoothly…

Co-Parenting Pettiness: Common Behavior

Procrastination

Procrastinating isn’t just a bad habit to have. It can also be a sign of post-divorce pettiness. For instance, maybe your ex has had something come up, and asks if you can watch the kids for them. Instead of getting back as soon as you can, you instead wait until the last minute to reply.

This is not only frustrating for your ex, but also sets a bad example for your kids. Plus, it also can lead to your ex doing the same in return. Rather, you should do your best to prioritize matters related to your co-parenting agreement.

“Can’t” vs. “Won’t”

Any good co-parenting agreement is going to include some compromises. Still, sometimes that can be hard to accept. There may be times where you don’t want to compromise, but also don’t want to come out and say that you’ll refuse to do something.

Rather, you might tell your ex that you “can’t” do what they’re asking, rather than saying you “won’t.” This is not only unfair to them, but over time, they’ll catch on to how you somehow always have an excuse ready to go. Instead of trying to ignore these conversations, be willing to talk to your ex about the compromise you make and find one which works for you both.

Silent treatment

The silent treatment is a pretty extreme kind of co-parenting pettiness. It’s understandable that you and your ex may not want to talk all that much after your divorce. Nevertheless, you’ll still need to keep some form of communication open due to your custody arrangement. Choosing not to talk at all though is just going to cause problems.

During those times you have to talk to one another, try to keep the conversation brief and to-the-point. Avoid getting sidetracked or trying to pry into their personal life. If in-person conversations don’t work, it may help to keep things strictly over-the-phone or through email.

Post-Divorce Burnout: Moving Forward Healthily

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

It isn’t always easy to adjust to your new life after a divorce. However, it’s important to avoid potential post-divorce burnout. Trying out some handy strategies can help you recompose yourself and move forwards with a stronger mindset…

Post-Divorce Burnout: Keep Going

Take time to grieve

If you don’t allow yourself time to grieve, then your chances of experiencing post-divorce burnout are much higher. Now, with how unpleasant those feelings can be, it makes sense that maybe you don’t want to deal with them. The thing is, if you don’t process them now, they’ll just get worse over time.

You won’t want those feelings of sadness or anger to follow you in your post-divorced life. Instead, take the time now to get them out of your system. You’ll probably be surprised to find that you’ll feel a lot better when you do!

Cut out the negativity

Something else which can lead to post-divorce burnout is stress. It isn’t uncommon to feel pretty stressed out after dealing with your ex all throughout the divorce. Plus, you may also be dealing with needing to find a new job, or a new home. The last thing you need is even more stress and negativity coming from those around you.

Interacting with negative people will only bring your mood down. Therefore, try to surround yourself with positive people who want to help you. Those who you leaned on during your divorce can be just as important for you even when it’s over. It may also be good to look for new friends as well, which can help you move on from the divorce.

Have an outlet

It’s helpful to find some kind of outlet for your stress and negative emotions. When you have a way to channel those feeling into something else, it does a lot to prevent post-divorce burnout. The nice thing is that you’ll have a lot of different options that you can choose from.

For example, many people like to have some kind of journal to write in. This lets them write down their feelings, what’s bothering them, and start to get those negative ones out of their system. It may also be good to pick up a creative hobby, which’ll let you de-stress and have fun at the same time.

Post-Divorce Anxiety: Maintaining Mental Health

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Taking care of your mental health is quite important after your divorce. However, many people tend to experience a lot of post-divorce anxiety. This tends to be because of all the changes going on. Seeing what causes this anxiety can help you know ways you can get it under control…

Post-Divorce Anxiety: Emotional Impact of Divorce

Moving

One common reason for post-divorce anxiety is when someone needs to move. The combination of both leaving your spouse, and the place you’ve called home, can be hard to handle. Having to go do things solo in a place that’s new to you can be tough, and leave you full of anxiety.

Still, keep in mind that you got a divorce for a reason. It’s easy to create an idealized version of living with your spouse that didn’t match the reality. Think about all the things they did that frustrated you, and now take comfort in the fact that you can start living on your own terms.

Making new friends

Your social life can also be a cause of post-divorce anxiety. People are social creatures by nature. Even if you’re more introverted, you’ll still like doing things with friends every now and again. With your divorce, you might now find a lot of friends you and your ex had may not stick around like they used to.

While you may still have close friends and family, it’s still always good to try and make new ones. This can seem daunting, but keep in mind you’ve been making friends all throughout your life. Consider going to some kind of social event or a picking up a hobby. These can both be great ways to find like-minded people who you can become friends with.

Extra costs

Your former budget is probably going to need some adjustment after your divorce. It tends to be cheaper and easier to budget when you’re married. Now, you’ll be going back to a single source of income. Add in any extra costs which could’ve came from the divorce, and it can easily get your post-divorce anxiety racing.

Remember that there’s been times before when you’ve had to crunch your budget. You made it through those times, so you can make it through these ones as well. Take some time to really look over your income and expenses, and work out a way to make some savings. Doing so can really help put your mind at ease.

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