Post-Divorce Expectation

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce can be a time of extreme pain and change. Because of this, people tend to mentally prepare themselves for what could happen. Mental preparation can be for things like moving, figuring out co-parenting schedules and new jobs. However, there are a few things that surprise people after their divorce. Mental preparations for any post-divorce expectation is great to do but it’s even better if you’re aware of more outcomes.

Post-Divorce Expectation: Being More Aware

Loss of Friends

Often times, going through a divorce is a group effort. For some people, it’s a common post-divorce expectation to rely on their family and friends. However, there are some friends that can’t take the heat. A reason for this is that your divorce is reminding them of the shortcomings of their marriage. For some people, they may not want to deal with anything upsetting. Whatever reason it is, there are some friends that will step up to the plate and others that will back away from it.

If losing friends is something you happen to go through during your divorce, try not to put energy into being upset with those people. There will be friends and family that will pick up their slack. Instead, put your energy into letting the reliable friends and family know that they are appreciated and loved.

Unwanted Opinions

Whoever is involved in your life will, at some time or another, know that you’re going through a divorce. This is a great post-divorce expectation to have in mind. To you, it may feel embarrassing or like an invasion of privacy that everyone around you knows something so personal. Sadly, some people will take advantage of knowing some of personal life. Whether it be friends, family, coworkers or a neighbor, someone may voice their unwanted opinions on your divorce. However, this person isn’t always meaning to be unkind. Even though you did not ask for anyone’s opinion, they may mean it out of the kindness of their heart.

With this in mind, try not to let what anyone says get to you. If you need to, have pre-made responses to whoever gives unwanted opinions. That way, you don’t have to give as much energy to a situation you don’t want to be a part of.

Your Own Strength

Another common post-divorce expectation you may already have is your own strength during this time. You may be thinking how hard emotionally and mentally it will be for you. This may lead you to set up appointmentswith therapists in advance. However, you may have more strength during your divorce than you ever thought you would have. Of course, it’s great to prepare for things ahead of time. Continue doing that! With that in mind, don’t forget to give yourself credit for all that you’ve done and all that you will do.

Mental preparation for what may happen after your divorce is a proactive thing to do. Some post-divorce expectations may be glaringly obvious. However, there are some that may trip you up. Remember, post-divorce expectation is meant to help you so make sure you’re aware of any and all obstacles. That way, you can go through this painful time as best as you possibly can.

Talking Divorce: Breaking the News

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Maybe you and your spouse have tried a lot to solve the problems in your marriage, but it just hasn’t worked. When this happens, and you’re ready for a divorce, you’ll have to tell your spouse. But how do you go about talking divorce? As it turns out, there are some ways to make this hard process a bit easier…

Talking Divorce: How To Tell Your Spouse

Pick the right time and place

Timing and environment are both very important factors when talking divorce. Trying to talk to them right after something stressful or difficult has happened might result in them blowing you off or reacting poorly. Plus, divorce isn’t something you’ll want to talk about in public, or while around family and friends.

Instead, try to find a time where both you and your spouse won’t be busy. Also, make sure you pick a private space where you both feel comfortable. If you have kids, you’ll want to make sure they’re out of the house before you talk about anything. It might also help to keep your phones on silent, as to not get distracted.

Pick your approach

Once you have the when and where down, you’ll need to figure out howyou’ll go about talking divorce. Tone and word choice are very important for having this conversation go as smoothly as possible. If you come off as angry, vindictive, or putting all the blame onto them, they’ll probably get very upset very quickly.

Instead, try being gentle, but firm. Let them know in a neutral or sympathetic tone that you’re sad too, but things just aren’t working. However, be firm in the fact that you want to divorce. That way, you ensure they get the message while not feeling directly attacked.

Prepare for their response

Despite the steps you’ll take for making talking divorce a bit smoother, you still have to be prepared for your spouse’s reaction. Their reaction could go a number of ways. They could get angry, begin blaming you, or very upset. However, it’s important to make sure you respond properly.

A good strategy, similar to the gentle but firm one, is to remain sympathetic, but still state you want a divorce. Tell them that you understand how they feel, and you’re sad about things too. However, let them also know you think divorce is the best course of action. This lets them know you aren’t doing this to be mean, but because things aren’t good for either of you.

Diagnosing Domestic Abuse

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

There are many different reasons to pursue a divorce. Maybe your spouse cheated, you’re just not happy, or maybe, you’re a victim of domestic abuse. Diagnosing domestic abuse in your own relationship can be difficult, which is why it can often be much easier for the people around you to see the signs, and make you aware of them. For this reason, we want to shed some light on domestic abuse. Whether you’re the victim yourself, or are concerned that someone close to you is, it’s important to know the signs— and bring them to their attention.

Diagnosing Domestic Abuse: Supporting Loved Ones 

When it is emotional…

You might feel like it’s normal to be afraid of your partner, or anxious to bring certain things up. However, these hesitations are not normal behavior for a couple. Fear of any kind has no place in a relationship that is healthy, thriving, and happy.

If you find that your partner bullies you in any capacity, controls, threatens, or tries to embarrass you— this is a surefire sign of domestic abuse. One of the largest misconceptions about abuse is that it’s always something you can see. Sometimes, abuse is purely emotional— which makes it more difficult to diagnose, especially from the outside looking in.

When it is physical…

While not all abuse is physical, much of it is. If your partner is 1) leaving you places because you’ve upset them, 2) embarrassing you in front your loved ones or strangers, 3) physically assaults you, or anything of the like— you’re dealing with domestic abuse.

Domestic abuse can come in all forms. From emotional abuse, physical abuse, and even sexual abuse. One common misconception that people have, is that when you’re in a relationship— sex is warranted at any point in time. However, you are not required to be intimate with your significant other merely because you are together.

Diagnosing domestic abuse can be difficult…

After all, no one wants to think that the person they love most is capable of hurting them in such a way. Furthermore, the people you love don’t want to consider this either. However, domestic abuse is quite common amongst couples of all age groups. If you think that you, or someone you love, is experiencing some form of domestic abuse— find a way to address it. Whether you go to someone for help, or attempt to get your loved one alone to discuss. The key is to address the situation, separate the dangerous person, and go from there to further distance the relationship.
​
We wish you luck in this difficult time, and offer our condolences for the pain and suffering you’re enduring. Furthermore, we also offer our services if you find that you may need them.

Short-Term Marriage & Divorce: How It Differs

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

No one goes into a marriage expecting to get a divorce. However, unfortunately, divorce does happen, and sometimes it can happen quickly. You might think that a divorce would be easier if you’re married for a short time. However, these kinds of divorces also brings about their own set of problems. As a result of these problems, there are a few things to be aware of when getting a divorce after a short-term marriage…

Short-Term Marriage & Divorce 

Acknowledge Your Emotions

Just because you’re getting a divorce after a short-term marriage, doesn’t mean it won’t hurt just as bad. In fact, it can be even more difficult as you face people who might try to say “I told you so”. Negative anecdotes can make this already painful process even more difficult. The truth is, everyone experiences the emotions of a divorce in a different way, and the length of a marriage doesn’t define the pain you feel. It’s important that you take the time to understand and accept the emotions you’re feeling. Consider finding a good support group, or going to a therapist, which can help you deal with your emotions and mentally prepare for the divorce.

Take Stock of What You Have

Getting a divorce after a short term-marriage generally means you and your spouse had less time to accumulate property together. However, in any case, the court considers marital and non-marital property in a divorce. Non-marital property can be tricky, especially in a short-term marriage. The rule of thumb typically goes like this: non-marital property, such as a home or business, can become marital property if that property is used to support the family, make profit together, or so forth. When non-marital property becomes something that both marital properties work on together in any way, it can become marital property.

However, in some cases, it can go to one side or the other. When it comes to property and asset division, your attorney will be an asset to the team.

Make Preparations for the Future

While your divorce is ongoing, that doesn’t mean that your life is on pause. It’s important to make sure you prepare fully for your life post-divorce. This might mean finding a new place to live if you are not taking on the family home. Furthermore, it can even mean getting a new job if you have to relocate a considerable distance.

Keep in mind that, with getting a divorce after a short-term marriage, some courts will usually not award alimony. Depending on your situation, they may only award a small amount. Every case is different. Due to the difficulty these changes can bring, you should prepare in advance.

Getting a divorce can be a rough time mentally and financially, no matter the length of the marriage. Not to mention, apart from the hardship of divorce proceedings, it can be heartbreaking for your marriage to fail. But, that’s not to say you can’t handle it, and rise from the occasion. We wish you luck in your divorce, offer our condolences for this difficult time, and urge you to seek out an attorney.