How-to Manage Divorce Anxiety

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce can be a very stressful time for you. All the uncertainty can result in a lot of divorce anxiety. Therefore, it’s good to know what you can do to manage this anxiety in a healthy manner so you can be at ease when it’s all over…

How-to Manage Divorce Anxiety: Helpful Steps

Do some organizing

A big reason behind people’s divorce anxiety is that they worry about not having everything that they need. There are a lot of different things which’ll be important for your divorce. Not having something you need or having the wrong thing can delay your divorce unnecessarily. This can all start to make a person feel pretty anxious.

That’s why it’s good to take some time and get organized. Ideally, it’s best to do this before your divorce even begins. Still, even if you didn’t do that, find some time now to get everything you’ll need together. That way, when you do have to find something such as a document, you’ll know exactly where to look.

Talk to others

Keeping your feelings of divorce anxiety to yourself can end up making them get worse. When you bottle those worries up, they end up being all your brain can think about. As such, it’s easy to get stuck in a rut where you just feel anxious all the time.

Talking to others about how you feel can help to alleviate some of this anxiety. By letting others know how you feel, you can get that anxiety off your chest and receive some helpful advice in the process. Aside from talking to friends and family, speaking to a therapist can help you figure out where your anxiety is coming from and how you can address it.

Pick up a hobby

It’s good to give your divorce the attention that it deserves. However, focusing too much on it can make your divorce anxiety worse. Eventually, you’re going to need something which can take your mind off of things. A great way to do that is by finding a hobby.

Having a hobby gives you an outlet for all that anxiety and stress. Plus, it can also allow for you to meet new people and make new friends. Try to find something which you find relaxing yet interesting, and soon you’ll notice that you won’t feel as anxious as you did beforehand.

Divorce Counseling: Different Types

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

A divorce can be a rather difficult experience. There’s a lot of different issues that you’ll need to take care of all at once. As such, it may help to seek out divorce counseling. This counseling can be a good source of support during this rougher time…

Divorce Counseling: Explore Your Options

How it helps

Divorce counseling can be beneficial for you in a number of ways. Most people tend to feel very uncertain and lost when faced with a divorce. They don’t know what they should be doing in order to prepare emotionally, especially in terms of processing those emotions. Others may struggle to figure out how to move forwards from this event.

A counselor can help you find some of the direction you need. They’ll have the tools and resources which can get your prepared for the emotions you’ll experience. Plus, they’ll also help you figure out what you’d like to do afterwards, and how to best go about achieving these new goals.

Pre-divorce

There’s two types of divorce counseling you can get. The first of these is pre-divorce counseling. This counseling is different from marriage counseling. Whereas marriage counseling helps couples who want to remain together, this is for a couple that wants to split but hasn’t started the process yet.

Here, a counselor will help you and your soon-to-be-ex learn how to properly communicate with one another. This will help make the entire process a lot easier for the both of you. Also, if you have kids, then you can also learn helpful ways to minimize the impact the divorce has on them.

Post-divorce

The other type of divorce counseling to try is post-divorce counseling. Like the name implies, this is for when your divorce is either about to be or already is over. Here, your counselor will help you navigate the grief and other emotions you feel and learn how to turn them into more positive ones instead.

You can also expect to develop some new goals and plans for your post-divorce life. It’s not uncommon for those who have been married for a while to struggle with figuring out what they will do next. A counselor can help you recover your identity and live the life you want.

Pets in a Divorce: Who Gets Them?

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Since pets are like children, how do you determine who gets the pets in divorce? This is something that pet owners struggle with during a divorce. This is especially true if both spouses are very fond of the pets. This can be a tricky decision since emotions will be involved.

Pets in Divorce: How to Decide

Housing

Divorce typically leads to one or both spouses buying a new house or moving. One way to help you decide who gets the pets in divorce is to consider your housing situation. For example, if one person will have a small apartment, they may not have as much room for a pet. On the other hand, if one spouse will be living in a larger house with a big yard and fence, that may be a better situation for a dog.

Some apartments or rental situations do not allow for certain types of animals to live there. Make sure that you check those rules before making the decision on who gets to take the animals.

Moving Abroad

If one spouse is moving abroad, this could have an impact on who gets the pets in divorce. There are many rules and regulations about bringing pets into other countries. A pet may have to go through a lengthy quarantine or vaccination process in order to move abroad.

Caretaker

Take a good long look at who has been the pet’s primary caretaker over the years. This may have been a shared effort. However, there may have been one spouse who always took the pet to the vet or bought pet food. In the same way, there may have been someone who did more of walking the dog or scooping the kitty litter. Perhaps there is someone who the pet seems to bond better with or has spent more time with the animal. If so, this could be a deciding factor of who gets the pets in divorce.

Pet’s Best Interest

While deciding who gets the pets in divorce, try and have an objective look at what would be best for your pet. Try and keep your feelings out of it. Which living situation would be more comfortable for your pet? Or which spouse would take better care of the pet?

Emotional Consequences

If you end up being the one who ends up getting the pets in divorce, don’t rub it in. Be mindful and respectful of the other spouse’s feelings. On the other hand, the spouse who does not get the pet may feel heartbroken at the loss. There will likely be a grief process. Talk to a therapist or a friend if needed. Keep yourself busy.

Another option is to eventually consider adopting another animal. However, it may be best to take some time to process your emotions first. Don’t just jump into something. A good interim step would be to volunteer at a pet shelter or foster a pet.

COVID Divorce: Questions To Ask

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, many couples have put off their divorce plans until after things settle down. In fact, you may be at the point where you’re also considering getting a divorce. Going through with a COVID divorce isn’t an easy decision to make. Therefore, it helps to ask yourself some key questions beforehand…

COVID Divorce: Is It Right For You?

“Is COVID causing your problems?”

When a COVID divorce crosses your mind, you need to consider what exactly the issues are that you’re dealing with. These are stressful times for everyone, and many people have been impacted even if they don’t get sick. Several couples are dealing with not being able to work, which creates a lot of financial stress.

As a result, consider if the issues you’re facing now are because of COVID itself. Do you expect that things will return to normal for your marriage when the situation clears up? If so, step back and consider that maybe it’s just the stress of what’s going on which is getting to you, and how you can better address it.

“Are these pre-existing problems?”

The COVID pandemic has also led couples to consider what problems their relationship has had for a while. In fact, it’s possible that your life beforehand didn’t let you address them properly. For instance, maybe you were both so busy with working all the time. Due to this, you never had time to talk about what was going on.

Now that you have this time, these issues are probably more noticeable. This could be causing you to consider a COVID divorce. First, try and see if you can talk about these problems properly and work towards some changes. This time could be useful for seeing what changes will help your relationship for the better!

“What’s my plan?”

Maybe you’re completely set on a COVID divorce. At this point, you don’t think that you can fix things with your spouse. Still, you won’t want to just try and start a divorce right away. During these times, it’s important that you have a plan in mind.

It’s good to make sure that you’ll have a place to stay and a good source of income before starting your divorce. You should also try and get some important documents together ahead of time. Remember that you won’t want to rush; doing so will just make things trickier for you!

Father’s Day Post-Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Many holidays tend to be a bit hard to celebrate after a divorce. A Father’s Day post-divorce is one of those holidays which will require you to navigate a bit differently. However, there are some things you can do to make the day enjoyable for everyone…

Father’s Day Post-Divorce: Make It A Success

Talk to the kids

It’s good to talk to your kids about how a Father’s Day post-divorce will be different than it usually is. Many kids struggle to enjoy these special days because of the divorce. Things tend to feel a little sad for them as they remember that they can’t really celebrate them as they used to before the divorce.

Therefore, don’t be afraid to talk to them about that. Let them know it’s okay if they feel a bit sad, and that you feel sad too. However, be sure to remind them how important they are to you and that you’ll be there for them. This can really help them get back into a better mood.

Try some fun activities

A Father’s Day post-divorce should also involve some fun activities for you and the kids. Just doing nothing may be relaxing for you, but your kids will feel a bit left out. This isn’t something you want to happen, especially coming off of a divorce.

Rather, come up with some things that they can do with you to celebrate the day. They don’t need to be anything complex, but just things you can all enjoy doing together. You can even let the kids try and plan things out! Doing these types of activities are a great way for you and your kids to improve your bond, which the divorce may have strained.

Don’t sweat gifts

Gifts are something which can be a bit tricky for a Father’s Day post-divorce. Younger kids tend to usually make something themselves and give it as a gift. For older kids, though, they usually have the other parent take care of things. This could no longer be possible now after your divorce.

That’s why you won’t want to sweat any gifts, and make sure your kids know that. They could feel guilty if they show up empty-handed, so let them know the thing which really matters to you is spending time with them. Still, if they’re adamant that they want a gift, try to have a grandparent, aunt, or uncle help them pick something out.

Keep Positive During Divorce: Finding Joy

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce tends to shake up a person’s life in many different ways. As a result, it can be hard to keep positive during divorce. However, practicing a few key things can help you keep a positive mindset…

Keep Positive During Divorce: Steps To Take

Embrace some stability

It can be easy to feel like things are slipping out of your control when divorcing. When everything seems to be changing, you’ll want to embrace the things which remain stable. Doing so is important if you want to keep positive during divorce.

For instance, if you’ll be keeping the home, you don’t need to make a ton of changes all at once. Even if you need to move, you can find somewhere close rather than move far away. Plus, remember that you don’t need to jump into new commitments like dating until you feel ready. Instead, try to take this time reorganize and begin adjusting to what life will be like post-divorce.

Accept help from others

If you want to keep positive during divorce, then you should accept some outside help. Those around you who care about you will want to try and do what they can to give you a hand. It can be hard to accept their help, as you may feel like some kind of “burden.” In reality, this couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Your friends and family care about you, and just like you’d help them when they need it, they want to help you now. Don’t be afraid to lean on them for extra help, especially when you need someone to talk to. If they invite you out to social events, try and make an effort to go even if it feels hard. You’ll be surprised at how much better you’ll feel when you spend your time with them!

Practice some self-improvement

A great way to keep positive during divorce is by focusing on some self-improvement. Making helpful changes can be a great way to balance out those “negative” ones you may be experiencing. In general, most people like to focus on their health, both physically and mentally.

Plenty of research has shown that exercising helps improve our moods and clear our minds. It’s also a great way to get out of the house and potentially meet new people. This makes it great to do along with mental health improvements, as they’ll both tie into one another.

Quarantine With Your Ex: Strained Social Distancing

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

The COVID-19 pandemic has caused many people to put their divorce plans on hold. However, you might have just made the mark. But, now you’re finding that your moving plans and custody plan has been put on hold and you’re left to quarantine with your ex. While this isn’t ideal, it is something you have to make work for the time being. So, we’re here to help..

Quarantine With Your Ex: Make It Work

Understand the situation

To handle quarantine with your ex, it helps to first understand the situation you’re both in. You and they won’t be able to just “go away”, especially after a fight or argument. Therefore, you have to consider what you’re going to do: will you constantly fight with one another, or try and make things work out?

Choosing the former will make the quarantine experience miserable for the both of you. Spending every day at each other’s throats isn’t good for your mental well-being. Instead, you should try and reach some neutral ground. By agreeing on this, you can make matters a lot easier.

Set aside personal space

Experiencing quarantine with your ex means you’ll be stuck inside the home all day. Depending on the house you have, that probably doesn’t leave a lot of space. Constantly being around them can be hard, especially if the divorce was a rough experience. That’s why it’s good to set aside some personal private areas.

This should be a room where you can go and not be disturbed by your ex. It could be your old bedroom, or an extra room you can make into a temporary bedroom. Having this personal space can help you breathe and relax, even if you have to share the rest of the house with your ex.

Keep yourself busy

Quarantine is leaving a lot of people with more free time than usual. Not having anything to do could inadvertently cause you and your ex to start arguing over small, non-important things. Having something to keep you busy can make quarantine with your ex a more tolerable experience.

Even if you can’t really go out, there’s still plenty of hobbies you can try out. Some popular ones have been reading, catching up on movies, or getting into gardening. Plus, you can still stay in touch with friends and family through digital means. That way, you don’t feel totally alone and “trapped” with your ex

Post-Quarantine Divorce: An Unexpected Increase?

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

The COVID-19 pandemic and quarantine has certainly shaken things up for many couples. However, not all relationships will make it through unscathed. In fact, many experts expect to see a rise in post-quarantine divorce rates. There’s a couple reasons why this may be happening…

Post-Quarantine Divorce: Why It’s Happening

Previously planned

The simplest reason as to why some couples will get a post-quarantine divorce is because they already planned to split beforehand. In order to slow the spread of the virus, many states and countries issued stay-at-home orders. This meant places which usually would be open have had to either had to close or shift to online-only access.

As a result, many couples saw their divorce plans hit a snag. With places like courthouses offering limited accessibility, it became harder to get things moving. Instead, they usually agree to wait until the lock downs are over, which’ll make things much easier for them. In the meantime, they’ll keep preparing to ensure a smooth return to the divorce process .

Growing tensions

The other main reason behind a post-quarantine divorce is the quarantine itself. The quarantine means couples have to spend a lot of time with each other in the house. As a result, if they were already having problems, then things can quickly get worse as they have nowhere else to go.

Many couples find themselves fighting more often while in quarantine. With nothing else to do, it becomes easier for these fights and problems to take priority and become the focal point. Other couples are taking this time to do some self-reflection, and may realize that they aren’t happy with their current marriage and want some change.

What to do

If a couple was already set on divorcing beforehand, then they probably won’t change their mind about a post-quarantine divorce. However, for other couples, it is possible to change things. While resources like marriage counseling might not be available, couples can still work on improving their relationship. This could help them to take the time to fix their issues, rather than letting them get worse.

Still, if a couple reflects and realize a divorce is best for them, then they don’t just have to sit around. Rather, they can begin adapting themselves to what their post-divorce life may be like. This can include setting up good boundaries despite still living together, and talking to the kids about what’ll happen.

Divorce Causes: Understanding Conflict

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce is something that can happen due to a whole host of reasons. Still, some divorce causes tend to be more common than others. Knowing what these reasons are can shed some insight on what issues couples tend to face…

Divorce Causes: Common Issues

Too much conflict

Constant arguing and fighting are one of the more common divorce causes. Usually, these problems are because of issues communicating. Whenever a disagreement comes up, the couple won’t know how to discuss it properly. This leads them to fight and end up in a worse mood than they already were.

Eventually, it’ll feel like every conversation ends in some kind of argument. Not only is this upsetting for both spouses, but it also doesn’t resolve what the issue was in the first place. The stress and frustration of this can become too much to take, and end up resulting in a divorce.

Infidelity

It’s probably not surprising that infidelity is another of the frequent divorce causes. Cheating is seen as the ultimate betrayal of a partner’s trust. On top of any other issues, cheating tends to be the “last straw” for a spouse. Once they either learn about an affair, they’ll usually go right to divorce.

Partners usually cheat because of issues in the relationship, mainly due to feelings of neglect. Still, infidelity can occur in other ways aside from physical contact. Emotional and financial infidelity are both very real, and can cause a divorce all the same.

Lack of commitment

While marriage should be a big commitment, a lack of that is also among the frequent divorce causes. Now, a lack of commitment doesn’t mean a person will cheat on their partner, although it could contribute to it. Rather, what it means is that they don’t “feel” like they’re married, or that they have a strong bond.

This lack of commitment doesn’t have to be “negative” per say either. Instead, it usually tends to be more neutral, where you feel like your partner is still a friend more than a spouse. It’s possible that over time, a couple can lose strong feelings of love, and end up with a divorce.

Relationship Red Flags & Indicators

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

After a divorce, you might be concerned about future serious relationships ending up the same. A good way to avoid repeating past issues is by being aware of some common relationship red flags. These indicators can help you realize when things may not end well in the future…

Relationship Red Flags: What To Watch For

Issues talking

One of the most apparent relationship red flags is when you struggle to talk to your partner. For example, it could be that you can’t talk without things becoming some kind of fight. Or, you might struggle to have them pay attention to what you’re saying and to take you seriously.

If you can’t properly communicate now, then it’ll get even worse when things become more complicated. It’ll be tough to discuss marriage-related things like finances, children, and potentially relocating. If you aren’t able to improve your ability to talk now, you probably don’t want to keep things going for too long.

Lack of trust

A lack of trust is another of the most apparent relationship red flags. Any good relationship is going to be built upon a mutual level of trust. However, your partner might not give you that trust, and instead accuse you of things you haven’t done. On the other hand, your partner might act very shady and make you doubt how honest they are.

Trust issues can manifest in many different ways. It could be that your partner is always trying to track you, who you’re with, and what you’re doing on your phone. They could also constantly go out without telling you why or where they’re at, while acting suspicious. Not having faith in your partner doesn’t bode well for the future of your relationship.

Friends & family don’t like them

Sometimes you need an outside opinion to help you spot relationship red flags. In particular, it can be good to ask how your close friends and family feel about them. If there’s anyone who is going to give you honest feedback, it’ll be them. Plus, you know you can trust them because they’ll have your best interests in mind.

Many people when they’re in the “honeymoon phase” struggle with seeing their partner’s serious flaws. Furthermore, you might not want to hear anything negative said about them. Still, you should listen to what your friends and family have to say. They might be able to clue you in on something which you haven’t realized yet.