Co-Parenting Vocabulary

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

It’s crucial that you and your co-parent practice good communication. A large part of being able to do so is your co-parenting vocabulary. Using some essential phrases will help the both of you talk to each other and take care of your co-parenting duties…

Co-Parenting Vocabulary: What To Use

Please and Thank You

Out of all the phrases, please and thank you are some of the most important for your co-parenting vocabulary. In fact, pretty much everyone is taught from a young age how important they are. That importance doesn’t change when you become co-parents either.

Saying please and thank you is an easy way for you to show some respect to each other. Plus, it makes it a lot easier for you to have them do you a favor, or show your appreciate for when they help you. It seems simple, but a lot of co-parents forget the value of simple courtesies!

Our children

Another helpful phrase to use as part of your co-parenting vocabulary is “our children.” Due to your divorce, it’s easy to feel disconnected from one another. Eventually, this can seep into your co-parenting, where you begin to act more selfishly than selflessly.

However, using “our children” can help reaffirm who exactly your co-parenting is for. That way, you both realize when you’re acting in your own interests at the expense of your kids. This’ll help you to come together and work on solutions together, rather than try and do things your own way.

Let me think on that

If you had a particularly rough divorce, then it’ll take you some time to adjust to working with your ex as a co-parent. In particular, your reactions to their requests might be more negative than they should be. To avoid this, you want to give yourself a chance to really think things through with a clear head.

A good way to do this is just by saying something like “let me think on that” when you need to. Doing this helps to give you some time to consider whatever it is your co-parent is asking. At the same time, it also shows them that you aren’t just blowing off their question or idea and are willing to give it some thought.

Quarantine Co-Parenting: Surpassing Obstacles

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

The stay-at-home orders are beginning to relax and people are starting to hit the streets once again. After all, you’ve been stuck inside for quite some time now. It’s only natural to rush back out, especially if you’ve been stuck quarantining with an ex. Maybe you began your divorce process in January and then quarantine left you in limbo. Therefore, you’ve been stuck inside with your ex for quite some time… Then when you add kids to the mix? Quarantine Co-parenting is no joke. Especially when you’re dealing with turmoil of your own.

Quarantine Co-Parenting: How To Adapt

Communicate Effectively

Communication is crucial for any good co-parenting plan. For quarantine co-parenting, it’s especially important. Doing face-to-face meetings may prove to be hard to pull off at this time. In that case, you’ll need to keep in touch about what your plans are.

As a result, you may want to up your communication efforts. Being in constant contact during these times can reduce you and your ex’s concerns about the kids. Aside from simple texts, it can be handy to make daily catch-up calls and use calendar apps to make sure you can stay on the same page.

Be Flexible

Another important part of quarantine co-parenting is flexibility. These are unprecedented times, and as such what worked before may not work right now. For instance, it could be the case you or your ex can’t work, and your kids have to take online classes. Your could even find you need to rework your whole previous schedule.

Therefore, try to be as flexible as you can. Don’t worry about if your visiting time becomes a bit shorter then it usually is. It’s a difficult time for everyone, and you’ll have to make some changes in order to help keep them all safe.

Prepare for the long-term

While these tough times will pass, it’s still good to plan ahead for the long-term. How your quarantine co-parenting goes now can influence how easy it’ll be to return to your “normal” plan. That’s why you don’t want to take any unnecessary risks or let the stress get to you.

Remember to take a step back every now and again to re-focus on your shared goals. You both want what’s best for your kids, especially during these times. If you’re able to work together now, then collaborating after the quarantine will be a whole lot easier as well.

Anxious Teen: Co-Parenting Woes

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Going through a divorce as a parent can be tough. After all, you don’t want to make things harder for your kids, especially if you have an anxious teen. With how tough being a teenager can be, it’s good for you and your ex to keep these key things in mind when co-parenting…

Anxious Teen: How To Help

Have clear boundaries

During this time, an anxious teen is going to need your support more than ever. Even if they appear to be distant, they still want to have your love and spend time with you. Still, you need to make sure that you have good boundaries because of this.

Mainly, you want to avoid talking about things related to their other parent with them. Don’t use them as a source for venting your frustrations. This will just make them more anxious, especially when they’re with their other parent. Instead, focus on what you can do together to improve your bond.

Set a good example

It’s important that you set a good example for your anxious teen. Studies have shown that teens are very much influenced by how their parents act. For instance, children of parents who tend to fight and argue a lot tends to have higher rates of anxiety and depression.

On the other hand, children of positive and supportive parents are much happier and recover from a divorce faster. This is a time where your teen is going to be trying to figure out who exactly they are. By being a good role model, you’ll help them find some positive answers to those questions.

Encourage co-parent connection

If you feel pretty poorly towards your ex, then you may be wary about letting your anxious teen spend time with them. However, this can result in your teen feeling “alienated” towards their other parent. Not only will this harm their relationship with their parent, but it’ll also cause conflict between you and your ex.

Your child needs to get support from both you and their other parent. At this point in their lives, they need to know that their parents still love them. Therefore, encourage your teen to spend time with their other parent, even on days where they may say they “aren’t in the mood.” They’ll quickly realize how important this time is.

Co-Parenting Pettiness: Setting Differences Aside

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Having a good co-parenting plan is important for sharing custody after your divorce. However, co-parenting pettiness can easily undermine your plans. Identifying and correcting this sort of behavior is important for making your co-parenting experience go smoothly…

Co-Parenting Pettiness: Common Behavior

Procrastination

Procrastinating isn’t just a bad habit to have. It can also be a sign of post-divorce pettiness. For instance, maybe your ex has had something come up, and asks if you can watch the kids for them. Instead of getting back as soon as you can, you instead wait until the last minute to reply.

This is not only frustrating for your ex, but also sets a bad example for your kids. Plus, it also can lead to your ex doing the same in return. Rather, you should do your best to prioritize matters related to your co-parenting agreement.

“Can’t” vs. “Won’t”

Any good co-parenting agreement is going to include some compromises. Still, sometimes that can be hard to accept. There may be times where you don’t want to compromise, but also don’t want to come out and say that you’ll refuse to do something.

Rather, you might tell your ex that you “can’t” do what they’re asking, rather than saying you “won’t.” This is not only unfair to them, but over time, they’ll catch on to how you somehow always have an excuse ready to go. Instead of trying to ignore these conversations, be willing to talk to your ex about the compromise you make and find one which works for you both.

Silent treatment

The silent treatment is a pretty extreme kind of co-parenting pettiness. It’s understandable that you and your ex may not want to talk all that much after your divorce. Nevertheless, you’ll still need to keep some form of communication open due to your custody arrangement. Choosing not to talk at all though is just going to cause problems.

During those times you have to talk to one another, try to keep the conversation brief and to-the-point. Avoid getting sidetracked or trying to pry into their personal life. If in-person conversations don’t work, it may help to keep things strictly over-the-phone or through email.

New Partner Introductions: When It’s Appropriate

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

If you decide to try and date after your divorce, it can be pretty exciting when you find someone you really connect with. However, if you have kids, then you might be worried about making those new partner introductions. Having your partner meet your kids can be a bit nerve-wracking. That’s why you’ll want to make sure you help things go as smoothly as possible…

New Partner Introductions: Proper Setup

Decide a time

It’s important to decide an appropriate time to make new partner introductions. Mainly, you want to make sure you’re serious about your relationship. That means things are stable and well-established between you and your partner. Doing introductions too soon could cause your kids to develop attachments to partners who won’t be there for long.

Make sure you also handle these meetings during your parenting time. You don’t want to make these introductions while your ex is watching the kids. Not only will this confuse the kids, but it’ll also create tension between you and your ex.

Temper expectations

You’ll also want to temper your expectations for new partner introductions. Many parents want to make their partner’s first impressions go off without any issue. As a result, they place a lot of pressure on themselves and set high expectations. If those expectations aren’t reached, then they’ll feel like the whole thing was a failure.

The thing is, first impressions are rarely ever perfect, and this is no different. Things may be a bit awkward for your partner and kids, but that’s okay. This is just the first step in creating a relationship between them. Keep your expectations realistic and remember there will be more chances down the line to build a strong relationship.

Consider an activity

Something which can help break the ice during new partner introductions is when you do something together. Just bringing in your new partner and having a more-formal sit down can be awkward for everyone. Instead, doing some kind of activity can help everyone relax and make a good impression.

For example, you could decide to watch your kid’s favorite movie of show together. Or you could play on of their favorite games with them. Whatever you choose, make sure it’s something your kids enjoy and that you participate, so you can help both your partner and your kids feel a bit more at-ease.

Parental Help: Providing Support During Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce is going to be hard for any couple, but it’ll be especially rough on your children. Due to this, they might need some extra parental help. Doing so can help make divorce easier for them to handle, and in effect make it easier for you and your ex too…

Parental Help: Make Divorce Easier

Talk to them

It might seem obvious, but talking to your kids is one way to give them the parental help they need. Open communication is crucial for explaining to them what’s going on. Be sure to tell them that what’s going on isn’t their fault, so they don’t feel like they did something wrong.

Also, it’s okay to talk to them about what might change. Your kids will appreciate you being honest with them and can get prepared for those changes this way. Make sure to still talk to them about things like school and sports. This helps them see you still care about them, even with the divorce going on.

Talk respectfully to your ex

Depending on why you’re divorcing, you may feel pretty negatively towards your ex. This can make it very tempting to talk poorly to or about them. However, you don’t want to do this around your kids. In fact, being respectful is another form of parental help.

Talking poorly about your ex to your kids isn’t going to make them “pick your side.” Rather, it’ll just confuse them and make the situation worse. Instead, keep things civil when you need to talk to your ex. Don’t forget the saying “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”

Spend time together

One of the best forms of parental help is spending time with your kids. While your family may look a bit different, you’re still a family nonetheless. That’s why it’s key you help your kids feel like that family still exists.

Be sure to spend time with your kids like you normally would. Eat dinner together, watch movies, play games, and attend events they have at school. Be sure you also encourage them to also spend similar time with their other parent too!

Co-Parenting Curriculum: Back to School Woes

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

If you’ve recently gone through a divorce, and this is your first school year as a divorced parent— it can be hard to navigate. From homework, pick-up, drop-off, extracurriculars, parent nights, and beyond— how do you manage it all as a newly divorced parent? This is a challenging time of year in many ways. However, if you can conquer co-parenting curriculum, you’ll have one less thing to worry about.

Co-Parenting Curriculum: Tips for a Successful School Year

First things first, we suggest setting a parenting plan early on in the divorce. By setting a parenting plan, you can account for holidays, back to school, birthdays, and any other events you’ll run into over the year. Of course, some flexibility is required when something comes up. But, it’s a good basis to put together, and keep your mind off of. As your kids get back to school, and you start navigating this as two separate parents, rather than a unity— you’ll have to communicate well.

Communication

Your child and their education is a number one priority. However, it’s not uncommon that grades will slip after a divorce. So, make helping your child prosper part of the co-parenting curriculum. Put those personal issues aside and focus on the common goal— your child. Have a safe space for you two to discuss important things, such as an email chain, or a planner that goes back and forth with your child. 

Parent-teacher conferences

One issue you might run into are parent-teacher conferences. These conferences typically require both parents to be there, especially when you’re running separate households. As newly divorced parents, this can be a difficult thing to do. However the most important part of your co-parenting curriculum, is being on the same page with your co-parent. Therefore, it’s important that you both attend together. Of course, if you have a strong co-parenting relationship with your former spouse, and trust them to tell you whatever you need to know— so be it.

Create a common homework schedule

Lastly, when it comes to your co-parenting curriculum, make a common schedule your priority in terms of school work and responsibility. You don’t want to have to deal with the back and forth of: ‘Mom/Dad said I can watch TV first…’ If you want to handle homework without stress or argument, keep a uniformed system. The key to successful schooling post-divorce, is to keep a uniformed system, communicate, and stay involved as a unit.

Co-Parenting Communication: Avoid Breakdowns

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

“Communication is key.” You’ve probably heard this piece of advice as you begin to transition into your role as a co-parent. However, communication is almost always easier said than done. Furthermore, it can be hard to keep that communication with your ex open, especially if you reached a bitter end. Due to these reasons, amongst others, we’ve put together some strategies to keep co-parenting communication from breaking down.

Co-Parenting Communication: Healthy Arrangements 

Don’t Play The Blame Game

“He said/she said” or “He/she started it” arguments are a quick way to see your communication with your ex turn south. If your ex says something mean or nasty to you, it might be tempting to answer with something rude too. They started it, right? But what is more important: being “right” or not being miserable?

Instead of engaging, just ignore those comments that are trying to get under your skin. Keeping your actions and communication positive will let you set the tone of your conversations. It can also make your ex reconsider how they may have been acting, and lead to them making efforts to be positive when you communicate as co-parents.

Learn to Compromise

You and your ex might not agree on everything when it comes to co-parenting. Maybe you think your child should do their homework right when they get home, and maybe your ex thinks they should do it after dinner. Both of you have your reasons for why you think your way is the “best”. A great way to avoid this disagreement becoming an argument over who’s right, is to learn to compromise.

There is no “right” way to parent; everyone has different approaches. You can have your child do their homework right after school when they’re with you, and your ex can have them do it right after dinner at their place. Either way, the homework is getting done, and you avoid a potential argument. For bigger matters, like say planning for the holidays, keep it calm and try to put things in writing. That gives you time to gather your thoughts before your respond. If you lay everything out logically, then you and your ex can pick the solution that is best for everyone.

Be Direct

The best way to avoid misunderstandings between you and your ex is to be direct. Having other people rely messages can turn co-parenting communication into an out-of-hand game of telephone. It’s also important to avoid using your child as a go-between. They’re adjusting to their new situation just like you. Asking them to deliver messages can make them feel trapped and as if they have to “pick a side” between you and your ex. Instead, use phone calls and texts when face-to-face communication isn’t an option.

Child Communication During Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Child communication can be difficult during a divorce, as most children tend to clam up. From your end, it might’ve been hard enough bringing up the divorce to them. So how do you offer support to them when they seemingly don’t want to talk? As it turns out, there are some key ways in which you can help give that extra support…

Child Communication: Offering Support

Be willing to talk

An important part of good child communication is to let them know you’re willing to talk. For many kids, they tend to think that you’ll be dealing with a lot already. As a result, they don’t think that their own feelings are important. That’s why it’s important to make them feel comfortable sharing by being willing to talk to them.

A good way to do this is to be open about your own emotions in an age-appropriate way. For example, you could tell them that you feel a bit sad too, but you know things will be alright, and then ask them how they’re feeling too. That way, they’ll feel reassured that things will be okay, and that you’re interested in how they feel.

Listen to them

Another important part of good child communication is listening to what they have to say. It’s one thing to get your child comfortable enough to open up to you. However, if they feel like you’re not really listening to them, then they might stop doing so in the future. That’s why you have really give them and their feelings the attention they deserve. 

Remember that you might not be able to come up with a simple, instant fix for how they feel. Buying them things might give them a short-term feeling of joy, but it won’t help them in the long-term. Instead, let them know that their feelings are valid and that you’ll both work though things together.

Know the difference between being and acting happy

Just because a child might be acting happy doesn’t mean they truly are. They might just be putting on a happy face because that’s what they think you’ll want to see. 

​A good way to see if this is the case is to talk to your ex about how they are around them. If they’re more sad or open when they’re with your ex, then you’ll want to work on your child communication techniques with them to allow for them to open up to you too.

Co-Parenting Stressors: Coping & Overcoming

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

The time right after your divorce can be very hard to go through. This is especially true as you begin adjusting to the life and times of co-parenting with your ex. Now, not only are you adjusting to life post-divorce, you’re also facing unfamiliar co-parenting stressors for the first time. How do you adjust? How do you cope with this new schedule? And how do you explain it all to your kids along the way? While co-parenting is not easy in any way, there are some ways to overcome the slump and find your co-parenting groove…

Co-Parenting Stressors: Emotional Impact of Divorce

Find some common ground

It’s always hard for a co-parent when their child comes back from being with their other parent and begins acting out. Often times, this is because the house rules over there are much different. This shift in rules makes it hard for a child to adapt, and can ultimately lead to friction from one house to another. Therefore, finding common ground is vital in overcoming those co-parenting stressors. Creating a mutual understanding of why you’re doing this is often a great first step.

The difficult thing about co-parenting is that you won’t have the same exact rules as your ex. However, you can try to come together on some things you both agree on… Continue reading “Co-Parenting Stressors: Coping & Overcoming” →