Budget Mistakes: Post-Divorce Finances

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Having a good budget is important for your post-divorce finances. However, not everyone gets it right the first time. Making budget mistakes can really add some financial stress which you could’ve avoided. Therefore, it’s important to know what are some common ones, and how to fix them…

Budget Mistakes: Common Missteps

Forgetting what’s “essential”

When most people make their new budget, they want to focus on essential expenses. These are the things they know they’ll need, and have to make sure they have money for. Still, many people tend to forget what exactly counts as an essential and what is something they could go without, which is one of the more-common budget mistakes.

For instance, things like grocery shopping, utility bills, and rent/mortgage payments are all essentials. You will need to pay these things so you have food to eat and a roof over your head. Yet, you don’t need premium subscription services or streaming services. It might not seem like much, but that extra money can really make a difference.

Overestimating income

Another of the common budget mistakes has to do with income. For most people, their income is the money they can use on their expenses, and hopefully save up as well. The issue is that income isn’t the simple, straightforward number we tend to think that it is. Rather, they need to account for net income.

Net income is the amount of money you actually take home. After all, everyone has taxes and other deductions taken out of their paycheck. That’s going to limit the amount of money you’ll have to spend. Therefore, you need to plan around that net income instead.

Not seeking outside help

Budget mistakes can be troublesome, but they are also something you can fix. Sometimes, however, you might struggle to see what exactly you need to change. When this happens, you’ll want to avoid yet another mistake where you don’t get extra help.

Meeting with some kind of financial adviser can help you see what’s wrong and how to fix it. They will work with you to look at your budget, and make sure you understand what’s causing issues. Then, they’ll develop a plan to help you turn things around and make it finally work for your needs.

Relationship Abuse: Different Types

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Relationship abuse can take many forms. It’s important to know the various types of abuse so that you can recognize them in your own life and in the lives of people you care about. Physical abuse is the most well-known type of abuse. It involves physical acts of aggression. However, relationship abuse doesn’t have to be physical. Sometimes emotional or verbal abuse is equally as harmful. Sexual abuse can be a form of both physical and emotional abuse. And finally, financial abuse involves using money to harm your partner. If you notice your partner doing any of these things, reach out and get support as soon as possible so that you can safely leave the relationship.

Relationship Abuse: Different Types and Forms of Abuse

Physical

The type of relationship abuse that many people think of first is physical abuse. This involves one partner hurting the other physically. It might be hitting, kicking, strangling, or any other way of causing pain. Physical abuse can also include restraining or even things like driving recklessly. Anything that makes a victim fear for their safety is physical abuse.

Verbal/Emotional

Another form of relationship abuse is verbal abuse or emotional abuse. Often, this involves the abuser making their partner feel worthless. Many abusers make their victims question their actions. Emotional abuse can be much harder to spot because it doesn’t leave marks. However, it can be just as damaging as other forms of abuse. Emotional abuse can harm a person’s self-confidence for the rest of their life.

Sexual

Sexual abuse is another form of relationship abuse. Sex should be consensual between two partners. Anytime it is not is considered sexual abuse. This type of abuse can also include withholding sex or using it as a weapon. Sex shouldn’t be used as a way to show power or control in a relationship. Instead, it should make a relationship stronger.

Financial

One last type of relationship abuse is financial abuse. This is all about control. Often the abuser will prevent their partner from being able to get a job to earn their own money. Or they will withhold money entirely. Others go through their partner’s spending habits with a fine-tooth comb and question everything. This can also take the shape of an abuser taking out credit cards in their partner’s name and running up large amounts of debt. Relationship abuse can take many different forms. But often it boils down to control. Abusers like to make their victims feel out of control and powerless. They’ll do this by taking away their self-confidence in any way they can. They might hurt their partner by hitting or strangling to show their power. Others use words to slowly break down their victim’s self-confidence. Others use sex in a relationship as a way to control their partner. And finally, some use money or withhold money to prevent their victims from feeling independent. It’s important to be able to recognize abuse in its many forms. You’ll be able to spot it in your own life but also can look out for loved ones as well. If you are in an abusive relationship, reach out for support. It’s important to get the help you need so that it doesn’t cause lasting harm.

Marriage on the Rocks: Improving Your Relationship

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Improving your relationship is a great thing to do in any marriage, but especially if yours is on the rocks. Marriage takes work and effort on the part of both spouses. It’s easy to get comfortable and lazy in a relationship and stop making that effort. If you feel like you and your partner are struggling, start writing things down. This can often help you gain a new perspective. Go visit a marriage counselor and see if they can give you advice on improving your communication. Sit down and have an honest conversation about your fears. And finally, take a short and planned break if you need one. Not a break from the marriage but take a long weekend to get a little time to yourself. Hopefully, you’ll be able to either improve and strengthen your marriage or gain the insight that you need to realize things truly aren’t working.

Marriage on the Rocks: Improving Your Relationship to Avoid Divorce

Write Things Down

Improving your relationship sometimes just means that you need to gain a little insight into things. It’s easy to get lost in an argument and forget all the great times you’ve had. Or maybe you are just going through a tough period in your relationship. Writing things down can help you see patterns of behavior. Write down all of your concerns and complaints, and then write down the positives in your marriage. If your complaints seem small and petty, it might just be that you need some alone time or a stress-reliever in some other way. If the problems are huge and overwhelming, maybe the relationship needs some help.

See a Marriage Counselor

Another way of improving your relationship is to go see a marriage counselor. They can help with several relationship stressors. For instance, they can often give couples great advice on learning how to communicate better. In addition, they might give you some useful tips for handling stress together. This is especially helpful if you are going through a difficult relationship period, like dealing with a loss, aging parents, young children, or other problems.

Be Open and Honest

Sitting down and having an open and honest conversation with your partner is another way of improving your relationship. While it might seem like something that easily could spiral into a fight, things will go better if you plan it out in advance. For example, let your partner know that you’d like to plan a night where you can discuss relationship goals. Then both of you can, hopefully, calmly discuss the issues and figure out ways to solve them together.

Take a Short Time-Out

Finally, sometimes improving a relationship isn’t really about the relationship, it’s more about your mental health. If you’re under a lot of stress, it can be putting a big strain on your marriage. And after a few years of pandemic life, this is even more common. You might just require a little “me time.” If this is the case, plan to take a brief and pre-determined mini vacation. This isn’t an excuse to pretend like you’re single. Rather, it’s just a short breather to take some time to focus on yourself and yourself only for a little while. If your marriage is on the rocks, improving your relationship can seem overwhelming. If you truly are having major problems, then it might just be becoming apparent that you and your partner are not meant to be together. However, if you are both determined to make your marriage work, then there are things you can do to make things better. Write things down to give yourself a chance to see the bigger picture. Seek out a marriage counselor and have an open mind about their advice. Sit down and have an honest discussion with your partner. And if you need to, take a short break from them to give yourself a chance to focus on your personal needs. Hopefully, you’ll be able to come together as a couple and make your marriage stronger than ever.

Choosing a Marriage Counselor

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Choosing a marriage counselor can be an important factor in the success of your therapy journey. If you and your spouse are considering marriage counseling, talk about what you’d like to have in a therapist. Make sure that you have similar goals in mind for therapy and then start trying to find somebody that fits the bill. Interview several therapists to get an overall sense of their approach. Consider your budget and if your insurance might help pay for the therapy. You and your partner both need to agree with your therapist. Establish some goals with your counselor early and make sure that they are continuing to work towards them. And finally, trust your gut. If things don’t feel like they’re progressing, find somebody else. You and your partner need to agree on your counselor so that you both feel comfortable.

Choosing a Marriage Counselor: How to Pick the Best Fit

Interview Several

When choosing a marriage counselor, interview several before making your decision. You want to find a good fit for both you and your partner. Figure out what each therapists’ style is and see if it’s a match for your personality. You want to find somebody that you both feel very comfortable with and are open to sharing personal information with.

Consider Budget

Budget is always a consideration when choosing a marriage counselor. Therapy can be expensive, especially out of pocket. Talk to your insurance provider and see if any sort of therapy is covered by your insurance. You can also ask the therapist when you call whether they accept your insurance. If you need to pay out of pocket, make sure that that is something you and your spouse both agree on.

Establish Goals

When choosing a marriage counselor, it’s a good idea to establish your goals ahead of time. Decide if you are wanting therapy to stay together and strengthen your relationship. Or if you are looking for therapy to decide to separate. If you want your goal to be staying together, make sure that your counselor is in agreement with that goal and working towards it.

Trust Your Gut

Finally, trust your gut when choosing a marriage counselor. If something feels unprofessional or like it’s not a great fit, move on to somebody else. You should also never feel like your counselor is siding with either one of you. Nobody wants to feel ganged up on, so if it feels like your counselor is taking sides, then they aren’t being professional. Move on to a different therapist that is a better fit. Choosing a marriage counselor is a big decision when it comes to the overall health of your marriage. And marriage counseling doesn’t have to happen because you’re having troubles. It’s a great idea to see a therapist even when things are great. They can help you identify why things are going so well and give you ways to get back to that feeling when things get tougher. Interview several therapists and figure out who is going to be a good fit. Take your budget into consideration and check into your insurance. Establish goals ahead of time with your counselor and make sure they’re working towards them with you. And finally, trust your gut and find a new therapist if things don’t feel like a good fit. Both you and your partner need to feel good about your choice so that you can get the most out of your counseling sessions.

Surviving Quarantine with Your Family

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

With Covid cases exponentially increasing, surviving quarantine with your family might be on your horizon. Whether you contract Covid or have exposure, classrooms and daycares are closing down all over the country. There is a very good chance that at some point in the next few weeks, your children will be home from school. Kids have lots of energy if they are feeling well, and need lots of attention if they are sick. So either way, you need a plan. Get outside as much as possible. Schedules a few breaks during your day where you know you can take a few minutes to yourself. Use all the resources available to you like online school and calls with family. And finally, if you have restrictions on screen time, lift them. It’s survival mode at this point! Hopefully, you can get through your quarantine safely, healthily, and sanely.

Surviving Quarantine with Your Family: Fighting Cabin Fever

Get Outside

Surviving quarantine with your family is easier if you plan to be outside as much as possible. The fresh air will improve everybody’s mood, and children can burn a lot of energy running around outside. Rather than go to public places like parks, just plan to take walks around your neighborhood. Just make sure to keep your distance away from others. Try a scavenger hunt to make things more exciting on your walks. And if it’s rainy, put on some boots and splash in puddles.

Schedule Breaks

Another important thing to do when surviving quarantine with your family is to schedule breaks. If you are working full time while also watching kids, try to make a plan during the day for when the kids can watch tv. That way you know that at a certain time, you can concentrate wholly on work. Or perhaps you and your partner could switch off some to give each other some time off.

Use All Your Resources

Surviving quarantine with your family is all about using all available resources. There are lots of online options for helping to keep your children entertained that are not quite as mindless as cartoons. For example, you can tour historical places, museums, and zoos virtually. If everybody feels well you can also try a kid-friendly yoga video on YouTube. Or call in some reinforcements and ask a family member to FaceTime with your children and send them on missions to find scavenger hunt items throughout the house. There are even online daycare programs and storytimes that you can tune into for younger kids.

Give In to Screen Time

Finally, if you are surviving quarantine with your family, it’s truly what it sounds like: survival. Now is not the time to stick to a strict restriction of screen time. You need breaks as well, so putting on a movie or TV show is helpful if you need a few minutes to yourself. While it’s not healthy to allow tons of screen time every day of their lives, a few days of extra TV is not going to do any lasting damage to your children. And it might save your sanity!

Surviving quarantine with your family is something that you might need to prepare yourself for in the coming weeks. Whether you catch Covid or are just quarantining for a possible exposure you need a plan. Having kids out of school can easily get overwhelming, and just having the whole family at home all the time can put a strain on your marriage. Get outside for walks as much as you can. Schedule TV time or switch off with your partner to get some breaks throughout the day when you can. Use all of your resources and ask family members to help you virtually entertain your children. And finally, it’s ok to give into screen time for a little while because you need some breaks for your mental health. Hopefully, you won’t have to quarantine at all, but if you do, you’ll be prepared.

New Year, New You: Moving on After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Moving on after a divorce can be a long and difficult process. And it can look different for everybody. But if you’ve recently gone through a divorce, the new year is a great time to set goals for yourself and what you want in your life. It’s a time to begin the healing process and start making yourself a priority again. Try to find a new hobby that you can focus on, or learn something new. In addition, starting new hobbies is a great way to meet new people. Take plenty of time to heal from the pain of the divorce process, and reach out for help if you need it. Finally, if you feel ready, get back into the dating pool and see if you can find somebody that you’d like to connect with. You never know when you’ll meet somebody special!

New Year, New You: Moving on After a Divorce in a Healthy Way

Find a New Hobby

One important aspect of moving on after a divorce is to keep yourself busy. It will distract you from all of the stress and bitter feelings of the divorce process. One great way to do this is to pick up a new hobby or interest. There are plenty of sports or exercises you can try like yoga, jogging, or hiking. You can also take up an artistic hobby like painting. Find something that brings you joy. In addition, you’ll probably feel a sense of pride as you excel in your new hobby.

Meet Some New People

Another great way of moving on after a divorce is to meet new people. This doesn’t have to be potential love interests. It could just be getting out there and making new friends. There are plenty of local meetup groups for divorcees, as well as group exercise classes you can try. You might not be looking to find a new partner, but you never know who you’ll meet when you put yourself out there.

Take Time to Heal

Moving on after a divorce can take a long time. But it’s important to go at your own pace and take plenty of time to heal. You might have had a very painful breakup or a stressful divorce proceeding. Take time to prioritize your mental health. If you feel like you need some professional help or just want a little extra support, reach out to a therapist. They can help you address your feelings, move on, and deal with stress.

Get Back to Dating

Finally, moving on after a divorce is easiest when you have a new love interest to focus on. When you feel like you are ready to be open and trusting with another person, try dipping your toes into the dating pool again. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself to find your next soul mate. Instead, take time to enjoy dating. Take things slowly with a new partner and try to have fun with it. Moving on after a divorce can take weeks, months, or years. Every person is different and every divorce is different. Everyone has to move at their own pace. However, it’s easy to get bogged down by the stress and pain of a breakup. Make sure that you are still taking time to try new hobbies to take your mind off of things. In addition, try to make new friends and put yourself out there in social situations. Don’t forget to make time to prioritize your mental health, though, and reach out for professional support if you need some extra help. And finally, when you feel ready, try dating again. Just remember to enjoy yourself and have fun with it. Divorce is painful and stressful, but it also opens the door for a new chapter in your life.

Realistic Expectations in Marriage

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Expectations can really make or break a marriage. If your expectations are too high, or impossible to live up to, then it can become difficult to adjust to your new way of life. Therefore, it’s important to set up realistic expectations of divorce. Doing so will help you and your partner avoid some constant arguments and issues…

Realistic Expectations in Marriage: Commitment and Struggle

Commitment

Commitment to your marriage is one of the most standard realistic expectations. A marriage is basically like an agreement between you and your partner. Based on your love for each other, you agree to be together and trust you’ll both hold up that end of the agreement. If that commitment is violated, then so is the trust and love that founded the marriage.

Still, it’s important to help reaffirm that trust between the both of you. There’s a couple ways you can do this. Maybe you give your partner verbal affection that makes them confident in your commitment. Or, you do special things with them to show you care. Doing things like these can help show you’re fulfilling that expectation.

Open communication

Healthy communication is also another of the realistic expectations you should have. Couples should be able to talk to each other openly and honestly. A marriage where partners lie to each other and are scared to be honest isn’t a healthy one. Eventually, this will cause things to get worse over time.

Rather, you both should be able to have good, honest discussions. That’s especially true for when you disagree. Instead of getting right into an argument, listen to and respect what each of you have to say. That way, you can work together on a solution that works.

Spending time with each other

Being with one another seems like a pretty straightforward matter. However, this is one of the realistic expectations couples struggle with. It’s always important to spend some quality time with your partner. Still, you also have to accept there will be times you aren’t together either.

Both of you have other important people in your lives, like family and friends. Therefore, it makes sense you’d like to also spend time with them. Both you and your partner should respect that, and even encourage it. As long as you spend plenty of time together too, then it shouldn’t be an issue.

Marriage Misconceptions: Healthy Relationships

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

You can trace many common divorce reasons back to common marriage misconceptions. Everyone enters a marriage with an idea of how it should be. However, these myths can end up putting you on a fast-track towards divorce…

Marriage Misconceptions: Keeping it Healthy

“Good marriages don’t need work”

One of the common marriage misconceptions is thinking marriages don’t require work. We all like to imagine that things will just work between you and your spouse. After all, everyone wants that “happy-ever-after” relationship. The thing is, though, is that those don’t happen overnight.

The fact is that your marriage is going to need some work. You and your partner might get along fine now. But, there’ll still be things you have to deal with and learn from together. Investing that time in now will help ensure things last into the future.

“My partner should know how I feel”

Another of the common marriage misconceptions are partners thinking the other should know how they feel at all times. Instead of telling their partner how they feel, they think their partner shouldn’t need to be told. As a result, this tends to lead to a whole host of communication issues and arguments.

Communication is crucial for any good relationship. Remember: you and your partner aren’t mind readers. You’re not going to know how the other feels or thinks all the time. That’s why it’s important to let each other know if something is wrong, so you can work together on a solution.

“We should never argue”

Arguments are another source of common marriage misconceptions. A lot of people will think that they should never have any kind of arguments in their marriage. If they do argue, then it means that their marriage isn’t going to last and there’s some kind of issue between the both of them.

The thing is, arguments are going to happen. That’s a natural part of any relationship. However, what matters is how often these arguments are, and what they’re about. If they happen all the time, and over trivial things, then it could be an issue. If not, then it’s something you can settle with each other in a healthy way.

Credit Cards During Divorce: Their Impact

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

With how expensive divorce is, you don’t want to add more costs than you need to. That means you should be careful with your credit cards during divorce. While they can be useful, you also need to make sure they don’t hurt your finances in the process…

Credit Cards During Divorce

Watch your accounts

Before using any credit cards during divorce, you should first make sure the accounts are secure. Many couples like to open up joint accounts, or joint cards. While that might’ve been fine before, it could now be an issue. After all, you don’t want to be accountable for debt that isn’t yours.

If you have a joint account, then you can try to see if you can make it into a sole account. Still, it may just be safer to have the account closed, and then open up a new one. You don’t want a vindictive ex trying to access a joint account and try to hurt you financially.

Use them sparingly

Another good idea is the use credit cards during divorce in a sparring manner. It can be tempting to use them due to the more-flexible payment schedule. However, you might be setting yourself for a big debt issue. Instead, try to limit when you use them.

A good idea is to use them for things you’d have to buy anyways. For example, that may include things like gas or groceries. That way, not only do you keep your payments low, but you can also work on boosting your credit score at the same time.

Make payments on time

Be sure you make your payments on time when using credit cards during divorce. Late payments will mean late fees, and an increase on your interest rate. Eventually, if you fall behind on a lot of payments, your credit score is going to take a serious hit.

It might be helpful to set up automated payments for your credit card bills. Many banks will let you set it up so your payments can be made every month on time. That way, you’ll have one less thing to worry about.

New Year Post-Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

You might not feel all that excited entering a new year after a divorce. However, a new year post-divorce doesn’t have to be something which gets you down. Rather, there are some things you can do to make this year something to look forward too…

New Year Post-Divorce: Making Big Changes

Reflect on your ex

Most people would hope to leave behind their ex in a new year post-divorce. Still, it would be good to take some time and reflect on them. It’s somewhat common for people to have an idealized version of their ex. Even after the divorce, they might start to think about if things were “really that bad”.

That’s why it helps to reflect on them now. Really think about how they acted and what caused you to want to leave. Even those little things which got under your skin help you realize who they really were. Once you do this, you can be glad you won’t have to deal with it again.

Set new goals

A new year post-divorce also comes with new freedoms. At this point, you get to call the shots again for your life. You won’t have to worry about someone telling you what you can or can’t do. Rather, you can finally start doing things you want to do again.

This is a perfect time to set some new goals to achieve. For instance, maybe you set a goal to go back to school and get more education for a better job. Or, maybe you want to try and improve your skills in a hobby you like. Goals like these will be a great source of motivation for you in the new year.

Reinvent yourself

Starting a new year post-divorce can be great for reinventing yourself. Again, that new freedom allows for you to become the person you want to be. That means you can change things up. Maybe you get a new wardrobe, a new haircut, or even go for tattoos and piercings! It’s really up to you.

By taking these steps, you can also begin to really appreciate yourself again. It can be tough to feel all that great after a divorce. However, if you really begin to take steps to improve yourself, you’ll soon find you have a lot to be excited about.