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Father’s Day Post-Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Many holidays tend to be a bit hard to celebrate after a divorce. A Father’s Day post-divorce is one of those holidays which will require you to navigate a bit differently. However, there are some things you can do to make the day enjoyable for everyone…

Father’s Day Post-Divorce: Make It A Success

Talk to the kids

It’s good to talk to your kids about how a Father’s Day post-divorce will be different than it usually is. Many kids struggle to enjoy these special days because of the divorce. Things tend to feel a little sad for them as they remember that they can’t really celebrate them as they used to before the divorce.

Therefore, don’t be afraid to talk to them about that. Let them know it’s okay if they feel a bit sad, and that you feel sad too. However, be sure to remind them how important they are to you and that you’ll be there for them. This can really help them get back into a better mood.

Try some fun activities

A Father’s Day post-divorce should also involve some fun activities for you and the kids. Just doing nothing may be relaxing for you, but your kids will feel a bit left out. This isn’t something you want to happen, especially coming off of a divorce.

Rather, come up with some things that they can do with you to celebrate the day. They don’t need to be anything complex, but just things you can all enjoy doing together. You can even let the kids try and plan things out! Doing these types of activities are a great way for you and your kids to improve your bond, which the divorce may have strained.

Don’t sweat gifts

Gifts are something which can be a bit tricky for a Father’s Day post-divorce. Younger kids tend to usually make something themselves and give it as a gift. For older kids, though, they usually have the other parent take care of things. This could no longer be possible now after your divorce.

That’s why you won’t want to sweat any gifts, and make sure your kids know that. They could feel guilty if they show up empty-handed, so let them know the thing which really matters to you is spending time with them. Still, if they’re adamant that they want a gift, try to have a grandparent, aunt, or uncle help them pick something out.

Co-Parenting Vocabulary

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

It’s crucial that you and your co-parent practice good communication. A large part of being able to do so is your co-parenting vocabulary. Using some essential phrases will help the both of you talk to each other and take care of your co-parenting duties…

Co-Parenting Vocabulary: What To Use

Please and Thank You

Out of all the phrases, please and thank you are some of the most important for your co-parenting vocabulary. In fact, pretty much everyone is taught from a young age how important they are. That importance doesn’t change when you become co-parents either.

Saying please and thank you is an easy way for you to show some respect to each other. Plus, it makes it a lot easier for you to have them do you a favor, or show your appreciate for when they help you. It seems simple, but a lot of co-parents forget the value of simple courtesies!

Our children

Another helpful phrase to use as part of your co-parenting vocabulary is “our children.” Due to your divorce, it’s easy to feel disconnected from one another. Eventually, this can seep into your co-parenting, where you begin to act more selfishly than selflessly.

However, using “our children” can help reaffirm who exactly your co-parenting is for. That way, you both realize when you’re acting in your own interests at the expense of your kids. This’ll help you to come together and work on solutions together, rather than try and do things your own way.

Let me think on that

If you had a particularly rough divorce, then it’ll take you some time to adjust to working with your ex as a co-parent. In particular, your reactions to their requests might be more negative than they should be. To avoid this, you want to give yourself a chance to really think things through with a clear head.

A good way to do this is just by saying something like “let me think on that” when you need to. Doing this helps to give you some time to consider whatever it is your co-parent is asking. At the same time, it also shows them that you aren’t just blowing off their question or idea and are willing to give it some thought.

Quarantine Co-Parenting: Surpassing Obstacles

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

The stay-at-home orders are beginning to relax and people are starting to hit the streets once again. After all, you’ve been stuck inside for quite some time now. It’s only natural to rush back out, especially if you’ve been stuck quarantining with an ex. Maybe you began your divorce process in January and then quarantine left you in limbo. Therefore, you’ve been stuck inside with your ex for quite some time… Then when you add kids to the mix? Quarantine Co-parenting is no joke. Especially when you’re dealing with turmoil of your own.

Quarantine Co-Parenting: How To Adapt

Communicate Effectively

Communication is crucial for any good co-parenting plan. For quarantine co-parenting, it’s especially important. Doing face-to-face meetings may prove to be hard to pull off at this time. In that case, you’ll need to keep in touch about what your plans are.

As a result, you may want to up your communication efforts. Being in constant contact during these times can reduce you and your ex’s concerns about the kids. Aside from simple texts, it can be handy to make daily catch-up calls and use calendar apps to make sure you can stay on the same page.

Be Flexible

Another important part of quarantine co-parenting is flexibility. These are unprecedented times, and as such what worked before may not work right now. For instance, it could be the case you or your ex can’t work, and your kids have to take online classes. Your could even find you need to rework your whole previous schedule.

Therefore, try to be as flexible as you can. Don’t worry about if your visiting time becomes a bit shorter then it usually is. It’s a difficult time for everyone, and you’ll have to make some changes in order to help keep them all safe.

Prepare for the long-term

While these tough times will pass, it’s still good to plan ahead for the long-term. How your quarantine co-parenting goes now can influence how easy it’ll be to return to your “normal” plan. That’s why you don’t want to take any unnecessary risks or let the stress get to you.

Remember to take a step back every now and again to re-focus on your shared goals. You both want what’s best for your kids, especially during these times. If you’re able to work together now, then collaborating after the quarantine will be a whole lot easier as well.

Anxious Teen: Co-Parenting Woes

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Going through a divorce as a parent can be tough. After all, you don’t want to make things harder for your kids, especially if you have an anxious teen. With how tough being a teenager can be, it’s good for you and your ex to keep these key things in mind when co-parenting…

Anxious Teen: How To Help

Have clear boundaries

During this time, an anxious teen is going to need your support more than ever. Even if they appear to be distant, they still want to have your love and spend time with you. Still, you need to make sure that you have good boundaries because of this.

Mainly, you want to avoid talking about things related to their other parent with them. Don’t use them as a source for venting your frustrations. This will just make them more anxious, especially when they’re with their other parent. Instead, focus on what you can do together to improve your bond.

Set a good example

It’s important that you set a good example for your anxious teen. Studies have shown that teens are very much influenced by how their parents act. For instance, children of parents who tend to fight and argue a lot tends to have higher rates of anxiety and depression.

On the other hand, children of positive and supportive parents are much happier and recover from a divorce faster. This is a time where your teen is going to be trying to figure out who exactly they are. By being a good role model, you’ll help them find some positive answers to those questions.

Encourage co-parent connection

If you feel pretty poorly towards your ex, then you may be wary about letting your anxious teen spend time with them. However, this can result in your teen feeling “alienated” towards their other parent. Not only will this harm their relationship with their parent, but it’ll also cause conflict between you and your ex.

Your child needs to get support from both you and their other parent. At this point in their lives, they need to know that their parents still love them. Therefore, encourage your teen to spend time with their other parent, even on days where they may say they “aren’t in the mood.” They’ll quickly realize how important this time is.

Keep Positive During Divorce: Finding Joy

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce tends to shake up a person’s life in many different ways. As a result, it can be hard to keep positive during divorce. However, practicing a few key things can help you keep a positive mindset…

Keep Positive During Divorce: Steps To Take

Embrace some stability

It can be easy to feel like things are slipping out of your control when divorcing. When everything seems to be changing, you’ll want to embrace the things which remain stable. Doing so is important if you want to keep positive during divorce.

For instance, if you’ll be keeping the home, you don’t need to make a ton of changes all at once. Even if you need to move, you can find somewhere close rather than move far away. Plus, remember that you don’t need to jump into new commitments like dating until you feel ready. Instead, try to take this time reorganize and begin adjusting to what life will be like post-divorce.

Accept help from others

If you want to keep positive during divorce, then you should accept some outside help. Those around you who care about you will want to try and do what they can to give you a hand. It can be hard to accept their help, as you may feel like some kind of “burden.” In reality, this couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Your friends and family care about you, and just like you’d help them when they need it, they want to help you now. Don’t be afraid to lean on them for extra help, especially when you need someone to talk to. If they invite you out to social events, try and make an effort to go even if it feels hard. You’ll be surprised at how much better you’ll feel when you spend your time with them!

Practice some self-improvement

A great way to keep positive during divorce is by focusing on some self-improvement. Making helpful changes can be a great way to balance out those “negative” ones you may be experiencing. In general, most people like to focus on their health, both physically and mentally.

Plenty of research has shown that exercising helps improve our moods and clear our minds. It’s also a great way to get out of the house and potentially meet new people. This makes it great to do along with mental health improvements, as they’ll both tie into one another.

Co-Parenting Pettiness: Setting Differences Aside

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Having a good co-parenting plan is important for sharing custody after your divorce. However, co-parenting pettiness can easily undermine your plans. Identifying and correcting this sort of behavior is important for making your co-parenting experience go smoothly…

Co-Parenting Pettiness: Common Behavior

Procrastination

Procrastinating isn’t just a bad habit to have. It can also be a sign of post-divorce pettiness. For instance, maybe your ex has had something come up, and asks if you can watch the kids for them. Instead of getting back as soon as you can, you instead wait until the last minute to reply.

This is not only frustrating for your ex, but also sets a bad example for your kids. Plus, it also can lead to your ex doing the same in return. Rather, you should do your best to prioritize matters related to your co-parenting agreement.

“Can’t” vs. “Won’t”

Any good co-parenting agreement is going to include some compromises. Still, sometimes that can be hard to accept. There may be times where you don’t want to compromise, but also don’t want to come out and say that you’ll refuse to do something.

Rather, you might tell your ex that you “can’t” do what they’re asking, rather than saying you “won’t.” This is not only unfair to them, but over time, they’ll catch on to how you somehow always have an excuse ready to go. Instead of trying to ignore these conversations, be willing to talk to your ex about the compromise you make and find one which works for you both.

Silent treatment

The silent treatment is a pretty extreme kind of co-parenting pettiness. It’s understandable that you and your ex may not want to talk all that much after your divorce. Nevertheless, you’ll still need to keep some form of communication open due to your custody arrangement. Choosing not to talk at all though is just going to cause problems.

During those times you have to talk to one another, try to keep the conversation brief and to-the-point. Avoid getting sidetracked or trying to pry into their personal life. If in-person conversations don’t work, it may help to keep things strictly over-the-phone or through email.

Post-Divorce Burnout: Moving Forward Healthily

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

It isn’t always easy to adjust to your new life after a divorce. However, it’s important to avoid potential post-divorce burnout. Trying out some handy strategies can help you recompose yourself and move forwards with a stronger mindset…

Post-Divorce Burnout: Keep Going

Take time to grieve

If you don’t allow yourself time to grieve, then your chances of experiencing post-divorce burnout are much higher. Now, with how unpleasant those feelings can be, it makes sense that maybe you don’t want to deal with them. The thing is, if you don’t process them now, they’ll just get worse over time.

You won’t want those feelings of sadness or anger to follow you in your post-divorced life. Instead, take the time now to get them out of your system. You’ll probably be surprised to find that you’ll feel a lot better when you do!

Cut out the negativity

Something else which can lead to post-divorce burnout is stress. It isn’t uncommon to feel pretty stressed out after dealing with your ex all throughout the divorce. Plus, you may also be dealing with needing to find a new job, or a new home. The last thing you need is even more stress and negativity coming from those around you.

Interacting with negative people will only bring your mood down. Therefore, try to surround yourself with positive people who want to help you. Those who you leaned on during your divorce can be just as important for you even when it’s over. It may also be good to look for new friends as well, which can help you move on from the divorce.

Have an outlet

It’s helpful to find some kind of outlet for your stress and negative emotions. When you have a way to channel those feeling into something else, it does a lot to prevent post-divorce burnout. The nice thing is that you’ll have a lot of different options that you can choose from.

For example, many people like to have some kind of journal to write in. This lets them write down their feelings, what’s bothering them, and start to get those negative ones out of their system. It may also be good to pick up a creative hobby, which’ll let you de-stress and have fun at the same time.

Post-Divorce Anxiety: Maintaining Mental Health

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Taking care of your mental health is quite important after your divorce. However, many people tend to experience a lot of post-divorce anxiety. This tends to be because of all the changes going on. Seeing what causes this anxiety can help you know ways you can get it under control…

Post-Divorce Anxiety: Emotional Impact of Divorce

Moving

One common reason for post-divorce anxiety is when someone needs to move. The combination of both leaving your spouse, and the place you’ve called home, can be hard to handle. Having to go do things solo in a place that’s new to you can be tough, and leave you full of anxiety.

Still, keep in mind that you got a divorce for a reason. It’s easy to create an idealized version of living with your spouse that didn’t match the reality. Think about all the things they did that frustrated you, and now take comfort in the fact that you can start living on your own terms.

Making new friends

Your social life can also be a cause of post-divorce anxiety. People are social creatures by nature. Even if you’re more introverted, you’ll still like doing things with friends every now and again. With your divorce, you might now find a lot of friends you and your ex had may not stick around like they used to.

While you may still have close friends and family, it’s still always good to try and make new ones. This can seem daunting, but keep in mind you’ve been making friends all throughout your life. Consider going to some kind of social event or a picking up a hobby. These can both be great ways to find like-minded people who you can become friends with.

Extra costs

Your former budget is probably going to need some adjustment after your divorce. It tends to be cheaper and easier to budget when you’re married. Now, you’ll be going back to a single source of income. Add in any extra costs which could’ve came from the divorce, and it can easily get your post-divorce anxiety racing.

Remember that there’s been times before when you’ve had to crunch your budget. You made it through those times, so you can make it through these ones as well. Take some time to really look over your income and expenses, and work out a way to make some savings. Doing so can really help put your mind at ease.

Dating Online: Keep Your Eyes Open

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

When you try to date again after your divorce, you may be interested in some online options. However, while dating online can be convenient, it can also have people looking to scam you. Therefore, it’s important to know how you can protect yourself accordingly…

Dating Online: Avoid Scammers

Check their profile

A good thing to do when online dating is checking a person’s profile. Many people get matches and just assume they must have something in common. As a result, they don’t pay attention to what a person’s profile has. By not doing this, they could be setting themselves up for a scam.

Many scammers will either have very simple profiles, or ones full of spelling errors and mistakes. In fact, they may even use fake pictures to try and trick you. It’s good to try and do a Google reverse image search on their profile pictures. That way, you can see if they’re legit, or pretending to be someone else.

Watch for red flag phrases

Scammers who try and target those dating online tend to also use similar playbooks. Usually, they’ll try and get you to either give them personal information or money. For example, they may say that they’re having a hard time financially and need some money if they were to go and see you. Or, they’ll try and ask very specific questions, usually to try and hack into your accounts.

Some scammers may also try and use blackmail. They’ll ask you to send compromising videos or pictures, and then threaten to send them to people you know unless you give them money. That’s why you need to be careful about what you share with these strangers.

Be careful of links

A new scamming method to be aware of when dating online are phishing links. These are links which someone will send to you in order to try and steal your information. For example, they may send a link which seems to be for their Facebook. In reality, it sends you to a site which either locks your computer, installs a virus, or tries to steal your personal info.

It’s best to avoid clicking any links a person sends, especially if it’s the first thing they send you. You should also make sure you have some kind of anti-virus protection. These programs can detect scam links, and help you avoid clicking on them.

New Partner Introductions: When It’s Appropriate

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

If you decide to try and date after your divorce, it can be pretty exciting when you find someone you really connect with. However, if you have kids, then you might be worried about making those new partner introductions. Having your partner meet your kids can be a bit nerve-wracking. That’s why you’ll want to make sure you help things go as smoothly as possible…

New Partner Introductions: Proper Setup

Decide a time

It’s important to decide an appropriate time to make new partner introductions. Mainly, you want to make sure you’re serious about your relationship. That means things are stable and well-established between you and your partner. Doing introductions too soon could cause your kids to develop attachments to partners who won’t be there for long.

Make sure you also handle these meetings during your parenting time. You don’t want to make these introductions while your ex is watching the kids. Not only will this confuse the kids, but it’ll also create tension between you and your ex.

Temper expectations

You’ll also want to temper your expectations for new partner introductions. Many parents want to make their partner’s first impressions go off without any issue. As a result, they place a lot of pressure on themselves and set high expectations. If those expectations aren’t reached, then they’ll feel like the whole thing was a failure.

The thing is, first impressions are rarely ever perfect, and this is no different. Things may be a bit awkward for your partner and kids, but that’s okay. This is just the first step in creating a relationship between them. Keep your expectations realistic and remember there will be more chances down the line to build a strong relationship.

Consider an activity

Something which can help break the ice during new partner introductions is when you do something together. Just bringing in your new partner and having a more-formal sit down can be awkward for everyone. Instead, doing some kind of activity can help everyone relax and make a good impression.

For example, you could decide to watch your kid’s favorite movie of show together. Or you could play on of their favorite games with them. Whatever you choose, make sure it’s something your kids enjoy and that you participate, so you can help both your partner and your kids feel a bit more at-ease.

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