Confronting Abuse: Do’s and Don’ts

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Confronting abuse can be a way to exit a relationship, but you need to make sure that you do it safely. An abuser can escalate quickly and turn a confrontational situation into a dangerous one. Don’t engage with them when they are displaying abusive behavior. In addition, don’t try to reason with them about the abuse because likely it will not work and can also escalate the problem. It is a good idea to make an exit plan that gets you away from the relationship safely. And finally, try to find things that build up your self-esteem so that you can begin the healing process. Whether the abuse is emotional, physical, sexual, or financial, it’s inexcusable in a relationship.

Confronting Abuse: Do’s and Don’t to Keep Yourself Safe

Don’t: Engage

When confronting abuse, it’s important not to engage when the abuser is displaying overtly abusive behavior. This will only make the situation worse. For example, if an emotional abuser begins insulting you or questioning your actions, don’t begin arguing back. Instead, set boundaries. Let them know you won’t tolerate their behavior. Tell them if they continue their actions, you’ll leave the room. Then follow through with your boundaries.

Don’t: Try to Reason

Abuse is always about power, so it doesn’t necessarily have a logical reason behind it. Therefore, when confronting abuse, don’t try to reason with your abuser. They will not change their minds, and likely, the abuse will never stop. Instead, try to find a support network. Reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist and let them help you figure out a safe exit from the relationship.

Do: Make an Exit Plan

Confronting abuse is not likely going to make it stop. Abusers rarely stop abusing their victims. Instead, things tend to escalate. Therefore, the only way to protect yourself is to leave the relationship. Get a friend or loved one to help you make a plan. Begin saving money and figuring out a safe place to go. Your community will likely have local resources for victims of abuse that can help you find a way out of your situation.

Do: Build Up Self-Esteem

Finally, after confronting abuse, try to find ways to build up your self-esteem. Whether the abuse is physical or emotional, it can leave lasting scars. Abusers thrive on taking away the confidence of their victims. After you exit the relationship, try to find activities that bring you joy and boost your self-confidence. Set reachable goals for yourself and find supportive friends who will cheer you on when you reach those goals.

Confronting abuse can be a dangerous thing to do, so sometimes, simply exiting a relationship is the safer move. Do not engage with an abuser because it can escalate a situation. Instead, set boundaries for yourself and stick to them. Don’t try to reason with an abuser either, but instead, find a support network that will legitimize your feelings. Try to make an exit plan with your support network so that you can leave the relationship safely. And finally, try to build back your self-confidence by finding hobbies or activities that bring you joy. Abuse can be incredibly damaging for victims, so getting away from a relationship as quickly and safely as possible is the only way to protect yourself.

Terminating Parental Rights

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
In North Carolina, there are only a few scenarios where terminating parental rights is possible. This means that a parent gives up their legal rights to make decisions for their child. There are specific rules about when they can terminate and who can file the petition to the court. However, the best way to navigate this situation is with the help of an experienced attorney. Ultimately, the court will decide what is in the best interest of the child. If you are wanting to terminate your rights, or petition the court to terminate somebody else’s parental rights, it’s a big decision that requires a lot of thought and consideration.

Terminating Parental Rights: Why and How

Termination of Parental Rights

Terminating parental rights means that a parent gives up their legal rights to their child. This means that they give up the right to make decisions about them as well as the right to seek custody or visitation. It also ends any child support responsibilities. It’s a big decision that can affect a child’s life for many years.

Grounds for Termination

There are only certain times when terminating parental rights is possible. For example, if a parent abuses or neglects a child. In addition, if a parent is incapable of taking care of a child or willfully abandons them. And finally, if a noncustodial parent fails to pay child support without reason for over a year. There are a few other specific criteria that can be met, but in general, this only applies when children are not being taken care of properly.

Who Can Terminate

Not everybody can bring a petition terminating parental rights. One parent can file a motion against the child’s other parent. In addition, adoptive parents, legal guardians, or social services can also file petitions. A person that the child lives with for two or more years can also file a petition to terminate another parent’s legal rights. And finally, it is possible to file a petition to terminate your parental rights.

The Decision

Ultimately the decision about terminating parental rights falls to the courts. The judge will only grant the termination if it is in the best interests of the child. They will likely consider many factors including the child’s age, and their relationship to both parents. Before filing such a petition, it’s best to consult with an attorney so that you know the full legal implications and significance.

Terminating parental rights is a big deal and no parent should take it lightly. Giving up your rights to your child prevents you from being able to have a hand in making legal decisions for them regarding school, medical care, and other factors. In addition, it gives up your right to custody and visitation. There are only a few circumstances where parental rights might be terminated and only a few parties can bring the petition to terminate. Ultimately, the court will decide if it’s in the best interests of the child. Consulting with an experienced attorney is the best way to ensure that you are making the best decision about such an important matter.

Who Gets the Marital Home in a Divorce?

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
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 The question of who gets the marital home in a divorce depends a lot on where you live and your unique situation. This can often be one of the most complicated aspects of a divorce proceeding because it’s often a couple’s biggest asset. In addition, there are always a lot of emotional connections to a family home. When couples are trying to decide what to do about the marital home, there are typically three common options. One spouse might stay in the house while the other moves out. Or both spouses might sell the home and each takes their equal portion. And unfortunately, couples often cannot agree and wind up needing to go into litigation over this and other issues. If this is something you are wondering about, the best thing to do is to hire an experienced divorce attorney who can represent your interest
The question of who gets the marital home in a divorce depends a lot on where you live and your unique situation. This can often be one of the most complicated aspects of a divorce proceeding because it’s often a couple’s biggest asset. In addition, there are always a lot of emotional connections to a family home. When couples are trying to decide what to do about the marital home, there are typically three common options. One spouse might stay in the house while the other moves out. Or both spouses might sell the home and each takes their equal portion. And unfortunately, couples often cannot agree and wind up needing to go into litigation over this and other issues. If this is something you are wondering about, the best thing to do is to hire an experienced divorce attorney who can represent your interests.

Who Gets the Marital Home in a Divorce? Post-divorce Living Arrangements

Questions of Legality

Who gets the marital home in a divorce often depends a lot on what state you live in. In North Carolina, if you are legally married, you and your spouse own your property as tenants by the entirety. This means that you each have an equal share in the house. In other states, things are handled differently. An attorney can help you understand the rules and rights in your state.

One Spouse Stays

Often, the way things are handled in the marital home in a divorce is for one spouse to stay and the other to move out. Often this decision depends on each spouse’s financial situation, job, and custody situation. If one spouse is the main caregiver for the children, it’s often easier for them to stay in the home and let the other spouse move out. However, some couples choose to share the home even after divorce.

Both Spouses Sell

Another common situation that happens with the marital home in a divorce is that both spouses agree to sell the home. Each would get an equal share of the proceeds from the sale. This is often the case for couples in which neither person wants to stay in the home. This might be for emotional or financial reasons.

Spouses Cannot Agree

Finally, and most commonly, spouses cannot agree on how to handle the marital home in a divorce. If this is the case, they often need to go to litigation over the issue. A judge will decide what is the most fair and equitable way to handle the situation. If you are facing this option, the best way to protect yourself is to hire an experienced attorney.

Handling the marital home in a divorce is often a complicated and tricky topic. It can also be one of the more emotional aspects of ending a marriage. Your family home contains so many memories and is often a couple’s biggest asset. A lot depends on where you live, but in North Carolina, couples own their properties equally. If couples can agree outside of court, they often choose for one spouse to move out while the other stays in the home. They might also jointly agree to sell the home and split the proceeds. But more often than not, couples end up in litigation. The best way to handle this situation is to hire an attorney to help you get the settlement and divorce situation that you deserve.

Nesting Co-Parenting: Possible Benefits

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Most parents think that co-parenting involves moving the kids from one parent’s house to another. However, nesting co-parenting offers a different perspective. This alternative way of co-parenting might just be the sort of thing you and your co-parent are looking for…

Nesting Co-Parenting: How Its Different

What is “nesting?”

Nesting co-parenting differs from other co-parenting plans mainly in terms of where the kids stay. Usually, after a divorce, either one parent will keep the home and the other will move, or both will move to new homes. Then, the kids will go in-between each household depending on the co-parenting schedule they come up with.

With a nesting arrangement, the kids will actually stay at the family home. Instead, it’ll be you and your co-parent who will come and go. So, for example, one week you’ll stay at the home with the kids, and then switch with your co-parent. That way, the kids don’t have to constantly go back-and-forth between two new homes.

Benefits to the kids

A nesting co-parenting arrangement can be really beneficial to your kids. Divorce is a major time of change both for you and them. Having to constantly go back and forth between you and your co-parent’s new homes can be very difficult for them. Ultimately, it can be hard for them to really feel “at ease”, even if they’re with one of their parents.

However, by nesting, your kids won’t have to worry about that. Rather, they get to stay in the home that they’re already familiar with. This helps them feel much more at ease with the situation, and not have to worry about constantly moving and bringing things between homes.

Benefits for the parents

Of course, a nesting co-parenting plan doesn’t just help the kids. It can also help you and your co-parent also. For instance, many couples find it’s cheaper to use a nesting plan. The cost of two separate apartments can be cheaper than if you were to both look for new homes. Plus, some co-parents will even “split” an apartment, with one of them staying there while the other is with the kids.

You also won’t have to worry about difficult transitions in-between homes. Rather, you’ll know exactly where your kids will be. You can even have smoother transitions than usual, such as if you drop the kids off at school in the morning and their other parent picks them up. Just make sure you communicate this to both your co-parent and the kids!

How to Talk About Your Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

It can be incredibly painful to talk about your divorce. However, inevitably it’s going to come up in conversations. It can help to have an idea of what you’d like to say when people ask that doesn’t give away too many details. Start with your close family and friends and then slowly expand the circle of people that know. You might want to give your boss a heads up as well. Have an idea of how you want to approach the conversation. And always avoid trash-talking your ex, and don’t be afraid to remind people that this is something they should keep private. As time goes on it will feel easier and easier to talk about your divorce as you begin to emotionally move on.

How to Talk About Your Divorce: Getting Comfortable with the Conversation

Telling Friends and Family

When you talk about your divorce, it should probably start with your close family. For instance, your parents and siblings. This is a big adjustment for them because the future they imagined for you is changing. Try to leave out the nitty-gritty details and don’t assume that your friends will need to “pick a side.” You don’t need to tell a ton of people until after your divorce is final, so stick to very close friends and family.

Telling Work

While your coworkers don’t necessarily need to know anything about your private life, you might want to let your boss know. It would help if you talked about your divorce with them and maybe your HR rep. This way, they won’t be surprised if you need some time off for court dates. Assure them that it won’t affect your work.

Have a Script

It can help to have a script ready to go when you talk about divorce. Especially if you are telling a casual acquaintance. You could say that although you both wanted it to, the marriage wasn’t working. Ask them to respect your privacy as well. Having something prepared in advance can prevent you from feeling caught off guard if somebody casually asks about it.

Don’t Trash Talk

Finally, the most important thing to remember is to avoid trash-talking about your ex when you talk about your divorce. It can be easy to want to tell everybody about how they hurt you. However, it doesn’t help anything and your ex might find out. This can affect your co-parenting relationship if you have children or can make your divorce even more contentious.


When you begin to talk about your divorce, it can feel very awkward at first. However, eventually, you’ll need to be able to tell people about it in a way that doesn’t invite a lot of questions or nosiness. Have a script ready to go that keeps things short and sweet. Tell your family and close friends first. Then slowly move out to more distant acquaintances after the divorce is final. Don’t let your divorce become office gossip, however, you should let your boss know. Assure them that it won’t affect your work. Have an idea of how to tackle the question if people ask you about your divorce that doesn’t involve trash-talking your ex. Hopefully, you’ll begin to feel less uncomfortable telling people about your divorce as you start to heal and move on with your life.

Home Buying Post-Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

When your divorce is over, it might be nice to spruce up the home a bit. However, what if want to live somewhere new? Home buying post-divorce can be a bit complex, which is why you’ll want to make sure you do it right…

Home Buying Post-Divorce

Be financially ready

Before engaging in any home buying post-divorce, you need to be financial prepared. Divorce tends to leave a big impression on a person’s finances. You might have to not just pay divorce costs, but also adapt to a new single-income household. This can leave your finances in a bit of a critical state.

Plus, buying a house isn’t cheap. It’s a big financial commitment, so you need to be sure you’re ready. Consider what you have saved now, and if it’ll cover buying a house and the other costs, like moving. It’s much better to wait and save in order to avoid financial issues.

Know your needs

Another thing to consider when home buying post-divorce is what you need in a house. For instance, if you have kids, you’ll need rooms and space for them. If you don’t, then you could make due with a smaller home. Or, maybe you need a house which is closer to your new job.

When you recognize your needs, you can plan your house searching accordingly. Plus, you’ll also avoid buying a house with things you don’t need. After all, the bigger the house, the more it’ll cost. Saving money when you can is always handy with purchases like these.

Use a professional

Home buying post-divorce isn’t something you want to do blind. Trying to find house and look at them yourself is going to be a struggle. Plus, odds are you don’t know the finer details which you should be looking for. That’s why it’s useful to bring in a professional.

Making use of a real estate agent can help ensure you find the right house for you. These agents will know what homes are available, if they fit your budget, and where they may need repairs or inspections. That way, you don’t get burned on a potentially bad buy.

Co-Parenting Events: Keys To Success

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

When you start to co-parent with your ex, it’s important to remember that you’ll be doing more than just watching the kids every now and then. Things will come up that will inevitably require both of you to be there. In these cases, you will have to learn to manage co-parenting events. These public events can be hard to adjust to, but it’s important you work together to keep the peace…

Co-Parenting Events: Adjusting to Change

Establish roles

When co-parenting events, it helps to establish roles beforehand. In particular, you should determine who is the “on-duty” parent and “off-duty” parent. The on-duty parent is usually the one who was watching the kids before the event began. The off-duty parent, in contrast, is the one who didn’t have the kids and comes on their own.

These roles help prevent you from both trying to compete to parent. Instead, the on-duty one should take the lead, like they would if they were watching the kids at their own home. Meanwhile, the off-duty one should be a bit more relaxed, making sure the kids check in with the on-duty parent if they want permission to do things. Alternating these roles will let you keep things fair.

Respect each other

It’s also important to show respect to each other when co-parenting events. Things might be a little tense or awkward between the both of you, especially if the divorce was recent. Making a public appearance together after splitting can cause you or your partner to get a bit anxious or standoffish. Therefore, you don’t want to make matters worse.

Instead, be respectful of how your ex feels. If they want to talk to you, then they’ll probably make that apparent. However, if they’re a bit more distant, then respect that and don’t try and push them to talk. Doing so can just make them angrier and upset, and put a damper on the event for your kids.

Remember why you’re there

Sometimes, it can be easy to forget why you’re co-parenting events in the first place. Worrying about how your ex is going to act can cause you both to lose sight of the bigger picture. You’re both there to support your kids and show your appreciation for them. As a result, try to use this shared goal to help things go smoothly.

When you and your ex start to get somewhat heated or a disagreement arises, take a step back and think about how you don’t want to ruin things for your kids. Talk things out normally and remember the roles you’ve established for the particular event. This can make it a lot easier to avoid arguments and let your kids have the support they need from both of their parents.

Strengthening Your Marriage After Children

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
The baby and toddler years are some of the toughest for parents, so strengthening your marriage after children can seem like a daunting task. But it’s important to start making your relationship a priority again. Start by creating small rituals every day that connect the two of you. Try to practice gratitude with one another, and make a point to recognize their contributions. Support one another when the stress of parenting gets overwhelming. And finally, make time for just the two of you to be alone without kids in tow. It can be hard to find the time to devote to your relationship when you have all the stress of young children. However, it will help strengthen your relationship and make your marriage last.

Strengthening Your Marriage After Children: Surviving the Toddler Years

Create Small Rituals

One of the easy ways of strengthening your marriage after children is to create small rituals every day that connects you. They don’t have to be big. Just simple, easy-to-remember things that you can both look forward to each day. For example, you could share a cup of coffee in the morning before the kids wake up. Or take a few minutes after bedtime to hear about one another’s day. Even just a text message throughout the day can help you feel closer.

Recognize their Contributions

It’s easy to get caught up in the chaos of life with young kids and forget to notice all the amazing things that your partner does. But it can help your marriage after children if you try to make a point to recognize the small things they do for you and say out loud how grateful you are. Maybe your partner always takes out the trash without you having to ask, or makes you breakfast in the morning. Maybe it’s just that the groceries show up week after week, or the diaper pail is suddenly empty. No matter how small, if it’s a gesture that makes your life easier, recognize it and thank them.

Support One Another

Another great way of reconnecting in your marriage after children or with little ones in tow is to simply support one another. There will be days when each of you feels burnt out or grieves the loss of the freedom you used to have. Everybody has days where their temper is a bit shorter. Try to jump in and help out more when you sense that your partner is getting frazzled, and hopefully they’ll do the same for you.

Have Some One-on-One Time

Finally, the advice that everybody gets for strengthening your marriage after children is to keep dating each other. This is easier said than done though when leaving the house requires a babysitter. But it truly is important to make time for just the two of you to be together. Even if you don’t leave the house, set aside a little time each week to have dinner together after the kids are in bed. Turn off your phones and focus on one another. If you have the means or the help to go out for a meal or spend an afternoon together, even better. Having a little one-on-one time without kids interrupting or screaming in the background is just what you need to reconnect.

Strengthening your marriage after children is important because those young baby and toddler years are tough on a relationship. You both are probably exhausted, stressed, touched-out, and at the ends of your rope some days. But it truly will make a difference in your happiness if you can find a way to reconnect with your partner. Try to create small rituals together every day. Recognize all that your spouse does for you, and say out loud how grateful you are to them. Help one another out when times get tough. Everybody has bad days, so tag-teaming is the best way to support each other. And finally, carve out time for just the two of you to hang out without distractions. Children consume all their energy and time. But making a little effort to reconnect with your spouse will improve the overall happiness of your entire family.

Starting the Divorce Conversation: How to Begin

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
The idea of starting the divorce conversation with your spouse can be painful to consider. However, most people tend to reach a breaking point in their relationship when they decide firmly that they do not want to continue the marriage. If you are at that point, it might be a good idea to speak to an attorney first to understand the legal process of divorce. Make sure that you are certain about your decision because you cannot unring the divorce bell. Pick the right time and place when there won’t be interruptions and try to keep the conversation calm. Your spouse might react in several different ways, but it’s important to stand firm and explain your reasoning. Hopefully, you and your ex will be in mutual agreement and can proceed with an amicable divorce.

Starting the Divorce Conversation: How to Begin the Talk with Your Spouse

Speak to an Attorney First

Many find it helpful to speak to an attorney before starting the divorce conversation. In some states, you’ll need to do a period of separation before you can begin the divorce process. An attorney can help you figure out what the steps are in your state. They can also help you decide if there are any steps you’ll want to take ahead of time to protect your assets before bringing up a divorce if you worry that your spouse might react badly. Having an idea of what you’re getting into can be a great place to start.

Make Sure that You Are Sure

Before starting the divorce conversation, make sure that you are certain about your decision. This is a bell that you cannot unring, so make sure that you won’t change your mind. For example, don’t decide on divorce in the heat of an argument. Rather, take a lot of time to think about all of the repercussions. It can also be helpful to speak with a relationship counselor to make sure that there aren’t ways to work through your problems.

Picking the Right Time

If you’ve considered it carefully and want to move forward with starting the divorce conversation, make sure that you pick your timing carefully. Find a time when you will not be interrupted. If you have small children, find childcare for them. In addition, make sure that you have plenty of time set aside for the conversation. For example, don’t try to spring it on your partner as they rush out the door for work. And finally, don’t bring up divorce in the middle of a heated argument. Instead, you’ll want to find a time when both you and your spouse are in a calm mental space.

Having the Talk

When you finally decide it’s time for starting the divorce conversation, just know that your partner might react in many different ways. For example, they might get upset, angry, or completely surprised. It’s important to keep your tone neutral and calm so that you can have a productive conversation. You want to make sure that you can explain yourself fully, so try not to let yourself get sidetracked by extreme emotions. In addition, if you are set in your decision, convey that. Don’t waver or act uncertain, but instead be firm with what you want.

Starting the divorce conversation is an overwhelming thing to consider. Divorce is a big deal, and not a decision that you should come to light. It can be helpful to speak with a therapist or counselor to help you make sure that this is the decision you want to make. In addition, it can also help to speak to an attorney beforehand so that you know what to expect out of the divorce process. Once you are certain about your decision, picking your timing is important. Finally, when you begin the conversation, try to make sure that you are firm but calm. Nobody wants to go through the stressful divorce process, however, staying in an unhealthy marriage can be much worse. Hopefully, you and your partner can move forward with separation and divorce in mutual agreement.

Possible Living Arrangements After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
There are several possible living arrangements after divorce if you and your ex are sharing custody of your children. You’ll each want to be equally involved in their lives. And it’s best to find a solution that doesn’t disrupt their normal life any more than necessary. Some parents opt to keep their original home and let one parent live there while the other rents another place. There are also situations where both parents choose to find their own spaces. However, some more unconventional ideas might work better. Nesting involves parents sharing a home on different days. And finally, double nesting means that parents live as roommates. Figuring out which solution works best for your family will depend on finances, location, and your co-parenting relationship.

Possible Living Arrangements After Divorce: Finding the Best Fit for Shared Custody

One Parent Moves Out

The most conventional of the types of living arrangements after divorce is when one parent keeps the house and the other moves out. In this situation, the parent moving out typically rents another space. The children then go back and forth between the two homes. This works well for many families because kids get to stay in a home that is familiar to them at least part of the time.

Both Parents Find New Homes

Another possible living arrangement after divorce is for both parents to find new places to live. Oftentimes families choose this option if the payments on their home are very expensive and it makes more sense financially to rent smaller, cheaper places. In this situation, children would still move back and forth between the two homes.

Nesting

Nesting is one of the less conventional living arrangements after divorce that is gaining a lot of popularity. In this situation, the children live full-time in their original home. The parents each take turns living in that home with them. Parents might share another location or each has a separate living space for when they are not living in the home with their children. This option allows your children to live in their homes without disruption or the need to shuffle back and forth.

Double Nesting

Finally, while most living arrangements after divorce involve the parents living separately, some families choose something called double nesting. This is when both parents stay in the home with their children and designate separate living quarters within the home that are their own. In this situation, the parents essentially live like roommates sharing a home and children. This is a tricky arrangement that only works if the parents can get along well and co-parent peacefully.

While there are many different living arrangements after divorce, your family might need to consider many variables when deciding which makes the most sense for you. Many families decide to allow one parent to stay in the home while the other parent rents their own space. Others choose to both move-out and find new homes. Both of these situations involve shuffling kids back and forth between two houses. However, if you and your ex do not want to re-locate your children, you can choose to try nesting and each share the home some of the time with your kids. Or if you feel like you can get along well as roommates, double nesting might be for you. However you decide to handle your post-divorce living situation, your children will probably adjust quickly. Hopefully, you can quickly find the solution that works best for your family.