Dividing Student Loan Debt in a Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Dividing student loan debt in a divorce can get very complicated. Everybody knows that during a divorce, spouses must divide up their assets. But not everybody realizes that they also divide their debts. Divvying up student loan debt depends a lot on when you took out the loan as well as what the money was for. It also is important to lay out who benefitted from the loan. A judge will take into account many things when deciding to divide up marital assets. There isn’t any one answer on how loans are split. However, the goal of any judge is to make things fair and equitable for both parties. The best way to ensure that you are getting the best settlement possible is to hire an experienced divorce attorney to represent you.

Dividing Student Loan Debt in a Divorce: What Happens to Debt?

Pre-Marital vs. Marital Debt

When dividing student loan debt in a divorce, a judge will ask “when did you take out the loan?”. If you got the loan before marriage, then it is not a marital debt. Therefore, your spouse would likely not take on any of the debt during a divorce. However, the loan is a marital debt if you were in school when you married. Or if you took the loan out after marriage. In this case, a judge will decide how to split it fairly.

Where Did the Money Go?

Another question that a judge will try to answer is “where did the money go?”. If you used the money on something like housing, then your spouse also benefitted from it too. In this situation, they might be responsible for some of the debt. However, if it was entirely for tuition, a judge is more likely to assign the debt only to the student.

Who Benefitted from the Loan?

When trying to divide student loan debt in a divorce, a judge will also look at who benefitted from the loan. For example, if you divorce right after graduation, then your spouse is not likely to benefit at all from the loan. However, if your spouse graduated and used the credentials to get a high-paying job for many years before the divorce, then you did benefit. A judge is more likely to split the debt if you benefit from the money and your spouse’s education.

The Big Picture

While there are many factors that a judge takes into consideration when dividing student loan debt into a divorce, they are mostly looking at the big picture. For example, they will take into consideration things like each of your salaries and assets. They’ll also consider alimony and other spousal support payments. The goal is to divide your marital assets and debts equitably. When a judge is dividing student loan debt into a divorce, things can get a little messy. Just as with all aspects of divorce, a lot of factors contribute to the divvying up of debt. A judge will look at when you took out the loan as well as what you spent the money on. They’ll also think about who benefitted from the money and how it fits into the overall picture of your financial health as a couple. The goal of any divorce proceeding is to split up marital assets, property, and debts in a way that is fair to both parties. Hopefully, if you have concerns about student loan debt, your divorce attorney can help you navigate them and ensure that you get the settlement you are entitled to.

Dealing with Divorce Embarrassment

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
While it’s perfectly normal to go through a divorce, unfortunately, many people still experience divorce embarrassment afterward. There is absolutely no reason to feel shame about ending a marriage that is unhealthy. However, if you are struggling with these feelings, it can help to try to put things into perspective. Look at the bigger picture and remember that this is leading to better things for you. Cut out toxicity in your life if people are surrounding you that are adding to your guilt. Find a way to talk about your divorce, and practice it so that you are prepared when questions come up. And finally, if you are truly struggling with these feelings, it might help to speak to a therapist. Hopefully, they can help you learn some coping mechanisms and self-acceptance so that you can realize that divorce is not just an ending but also a new beginning.

Dealing with Divorce Embarrassment: Learning Self-Acceptance

Put Things in Perspective

One thing that can be very helpful if you are experiencing divorce embarrassment is to try to put things into perspective. Remember that this feels like a huge part of your life right now, but eventually, you will move on. And you might even move on with a person that is a much better fit. You can have an entire second life ahead of you, and this will be just a blip eventually. It’s also important to remember that it’s far more embarrassing to stay in a marriage that makes you unhappy for years and years than to go through a divorce.

Cut Out Toxicity

Divorce is incredibly common these days. However, there still might be some people in your life that make you feel ashamed of your marriage ending. This can add to divorce embarrassment and is uncalled for. Divorce can be very healthy if you are in an unhappy marriage. Cut out toxic people in your life that do not support your decision. Try to surround yourself with supportive friends and family who understand that you made the right decision for your family.

Find a Way to Talk About It

Dealing with divorce embarrassment can be difficult, especially when your divorce is brought up suddenly. Find a way to talk about your divorce, and practice out loud to yourself. Repeating the words to yourself can normalize them and make you feel more comfortable when talking to others. Try to remember that nobody will judge you for having this experience. You’ll meet many people throughout your life that have been through the same thing.

Therapy

Finally, if you are truly struggling with divorce embarrassment, it’s time to speak to a professional about it. A therapist can help you organize your thoughts and pinpoint where the shame is coming from. They can give you great coping skills to deal with stress. Finally, they can help you learn self-acceptance and help you see the positive side of divorce. Divorce embarrassment is completely normal, but there’s still no reason to experience shame about your marriage ending. Not only is divorce very common, but it’s also often the best thing for your future and well-being. Staying in an unhappy marriage is much worse than going through the stigma of a divorce. Try to remind yourself that you made the best decision. Cut out toxic people in your life that are making you feel ashamed about it. Practice talking about your divorce out loud so that you don’t feel embarrassed to speak to others about your experience. And finally, talk to a therapist if you are struggling with feelings of shame and guilt. Hopefully, you can move on quickly and begin the process of healing.

Spotting Signs of Depression After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Depression after divorce is very common. Divorce is a hugely stressful event, and it marks the end of a marriage and future that you imagined for yourself. It’s okay to grieve over this loss. However, if the grief seems to be affecting your whole life, it’s important to pay attention to signs of depression. A lack of energy or feeling of hopelessness, or sleep disturbances might indicate some depression as can a lack of enjoyment in things you normally like to do. If the grief is causing problems in your life, or if you ever have thoughts of harming yourself or others, it’s time to seek help immediately. Many treatments might be able to help you overcome these feelings and get back to living your life.

Spotting Signs of Depression After Divorce: Know the Symptoms

Lack of Energy

One of the signs of depression after divorce is a lack of energy. It’s perfectly okay to want to take a little break and rest after your divorce is finalized. After all, it’s an incredibly draining process that can last a long time. However, if many weeks have gone by and you’re finding it hard to muster the energy for leaving the house or participating in activities, it might be time to look for some support.

Sleep Issues

Sleep disturbances can also be one of the symptoms of depression after divorce to watch out for. That might mean insomnia keeping you up all night, or an inability to get out of bed and sleeping the day away. If the pattern is different from your typical sleep, then it’s a cause to speak to a doctor or therapist. Do not try to self-medicate to get to sleep because some sleep medicines can become addictive.

Lack of Enjoyment

Another sign of depression after divorce is a lack of enjoyment in normal activities. If you are finding it difficult to enjoy the things in life that you normally do, it’s a cause for concern. While it’s normal to feel the blues after a divorce, you don’t want it to be sucking all the joy out of your life. In addition, feeling hopeless, or feeling like things will never get back to normal can also be signs of depression.

When to Get Help

It’s important to reach out and get help if you are experiencing symptoms of depression after divorce. There are many therapies, treatments, and medications you can try that might help you get back on your feet and feel like yourself. If you ever have thoughts of harming yourself or others, call for help immediately. Call a friend or family member to help you, call 911, or try the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988. Depression after divorce is quite common, but that doesn’t make it less concerning or difficult to deal with. It’s important to get the support you need to get through this tough time. If you are noticing signs of depression like a lack of energy, lack of enjoyment out of activities, or sleep disturbances, it’s important to reach out for help. If you experience suicidal thoughts, it’s an emergency. Therapy can be very helpful, as can outpatient and in-patient treatment plans for depression. In addition, there are medications that a doctor might be able to prescribe that can help you overcome these feelings and get back to feeling like yourself. Hopefully, you can get the support you need to get back on your feet and look forward to the next chapter of your life.

Engaging a Divorce Attorney

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Engaging a divorce attorney is in your best interest if you and your spouse are deciding to end your marriage. It’s best to get the process started as soon as possible so that your attorney can make sure that you are protecting yourself financially. Finding the right fit can take a little trial and error, but it’s best to speak to a few different attorneys. Consider the budget and speak to each of the attorneys about how their fees work. And finally, look for an attorney that has experience with cases similar to yours. It’s not necessarily helpful to rely just on the recommendations of friends because their divorce case might be very different from yours. Find an attorney that seems like they will be able to represent you during your divorce best and will help you get the settlement you deserve.

Engaging a Divorce Attorney: Finding the Right Fit

Start Early

Begin the process of engaging a divorce attorney as soon as you realize that divorce is a possibility. You want to ensure that you protect yourself financially if things begin to get ugly with your soon-to-be ex. In addition, they can help you begin gathering all of the information that you’re going to need later on down the road.

Ask Questions

Before engaging a divorce attorney, it’s best to speak to a few options. Try to set up meetings with two or three lawyers. Try to get a feel for their overall approach and how they or their team operate. You’re not looking to find a new best friend, but you need to feel comfortable enough, to be honest with them. Find somebody that you trust to represent you and that will keep things professional.

Consider Budget

It’s important to consider your budget when engaging a divorce attorney. Divorce is expensive. There’s just no getting around that. However, some attorneys charge more than others. When you’re meeting with potential attorneys, ask them how their fee schedule works. They won’t be able to give you a definite answer on how much your divorce will be. There is any number of factors that can affect that. But they should be able to give you some general idea of costs.

Look for Experience

Finally, when engaging a divorce attorney, look for experience. You want to pick somebody that is professional and knows what they’re doing. And more specifically, you want an attorney that has handled cases similar to yours. Especially if you expect your divorce to be complicated with lots of properties, assets, or custody disputes. Engaging a divorce attorney is the best first step you can take to protect yourself as soon as you and your spouse decide to split up. It might seem hasty, but there’s a lot of prep work involved in a divorce. Your attorney can help you get that ball rolling and can protect you financially from your ex doing anything tricky with bank accounts. Meet with several attorneys to decide which you feel like will be a good fit for you. Consider your budget and ask them for a general idea of what to expect cost-wise. And finally, pick an attorney that has a lot of experience in the field, and with cases similar to yours. You should pick somebody that is professional and whom you feel will represent you to the best of their ability. Hiring the right attorney can make a big impact on your divorce settlement.

Battling Divorce Stigma

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Even though divorce is very common, you might still be battling divorce stigma from those around you. Family members, friends, or even strangers might feel like it is their place to discuss your divorce and their thoughts. However, the choices that you make are none of their business. Try to change the conversation around divorce by adjusting your framework for talking about it. Surround yourself with supportive people, and don’t neglect to practice self-care. And finally, if you are still having a difficult time, consider speaking with a therapist or close friend. Hopefully, you can change the narrative and embrace your divorce as an empowering move and one that will improve your future.

Battling Divorce Stigma: Changing the Way We Talk About Divorce

Change the Conversation

The first step in battling divorce stigma is to change the way you see divorce. Instead of looking at it as the end of your marriage, look at it as a window into your future. Going through the process can be draining but don’t let the stigma surrounding divorce make you doubt yourself. You made the right decision and when the dust settles you’ll be able to see this as a new beginning rather than a chapter ending.

Surround Yourself with Support

Another thing that can help with battling divorce stigma is to surround yourself with supportive friends and family. Don’t let those around you drudge up negative thoughts about the divorce. Instead, try to find people that will help you look forward to the future rather than focusing on the past.

Prioritize Self-Care

Don’t forget about self-care when battling divorce stigma. It can be taxing on you emotionally to feel like others are judging you. Make sure that you take time to focus on your mental well-being periodically by doing things that make you feel confident and bring you joy. For example, get plenty of rest, exercise regularly, and get outside in the sun. You can also try things like meditation, deep breathing, and mindfulness for stress relief.

Talk it Out

Finally, battling divorce stigma is easier when you have somebody to talk to about it. Reach out to a therapist or close friend to help you. Sometimes it’s helpful to have a sympathetic ear. And other times, they might be able to give you great advice for handling stressful situations or people in your life. Battling divorce stigma is, unfortunately, still something you might have to deal with. Even though divorce is quite common, you might still get some push-back from old-school family members or friends. Ignore the naysayers and focus on your future instead. Don’t let them make you doubt yourself or your decision. You and your ex made the best decision for both of your futures. Even though divorce is tiring, try to see it as empowering as well. You got through it and you’re on the other side of things. Now you can make whatever kind of future you want for yourself. Try to focus on the positive and surround yourself with others who do the same. Don’t forget about your self-care, and make time for speaking with a therapist or close friend. Hopefully, you can begin to see your divorce as an open door to a more positive future.

Controlling Spouse: Signs of Abuse

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

One thing which is important to remember is that an abusive relationship doesn’t just have to be physical. Emotional abuse is very serious, and commonly comes in the form of a controlling spouse. Knowing some indicators of this attempted control can help you better see if they’re reflected in your own marriage…

Controlling Spouse: Potential Signs

Social isolation

One thing a controlling spouse might do is isolate you socially. People who try and control others are keen to try and limit their time spent with others. This is because they might be jealous, or worry others will threaten their control over you. Due to this, they’ll try and cut them out of your life.

This isolation can apply to both your friends and family. It might start off slowly, like with them getting annoyed when you go out with friends or see family. Eventually, it could escalate into them telling you that you can’t go out at all. When this starts happening, it’s a clear sign they’re trying to control you.

Manipulating emotions

A controlling spouse also tends to be emotionally manipulative. They may do this in a few different ways. One way is by constantly criticizing you in an effort to lower your self-esteem, while making acceptance conditional. For example, they may only give you praise when you do something specifically for them.

Guilt-tripping is also another way they might manipulate you. They’ll do this by making you feel guilty for things you do, even if they aren’t wrong or are outside of your control. If you feel emotionally beholden to them, then they can really begin to control you.

Privacy invasion

Privacy invasion is also something a controlling spouse will do. They want to keep tabs on what you’re doing at all times, leaving you with no sense of privacy. They could try and track your social media activity, or constantly call and text asking where you are. Sometimes, they may even go through your phone or computer when you aren’t looking.

Not only does this show their controlling nature, but it also shows they don’t trust you. Mutual trust is important for any relationship. A lack of trust, combined with this sort of control, indicates potential future problems.

Prenuptial and Postnuptial Agreements

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Prenuptial and postnuptial agreements are very similar in many ways. Both are legal contracts that protect a couple financially in the event of a divorce. However, prenuptial agreements are for couples that are about to wed, while postnuptial agreements are for couples that have already. Both of the agreements can outline what happens to assets and properties after a couple gets a divorce. However, no matter which type of agreement you’re deciding on, speaking to an experienced attorney is the first step to take. They can help ensure that the agreement is legal and binding and make sure that you protect yourself in the case of a divorce.

Prenuptial and Postnuptial Agreements: Who Needs What

Prenups

Prenuptial and postnuptial agreements are similar in their substance, however, you use them at different times. A prenuptial agreement happens before marriage. Many couples use them if one spouse is coming into the marriage with considerably more assets than the other. They can protect you if your partner brings a lot of debt to the marriage. They can even protect children from previous marriages. If a couple cannot agree on a prenuptial agreement, they might decide not to proceed with the marriage.

Postnuptial Agreement

In contrast, a postnuptial agreement is used after a couple gets married, so it’s too late to call off the wedding at that point. However, prenuptial and postnuptial agreements still cover similar things. For example, they can outline what happens to assets in the case of divorce. They can cover things like spousal support and what happens to debt.

When to Use Each

While prenuptial and postnuptial agreements are similar, it’s important to know when to use each. Couples that did not get prenuptial might later get postnuptial if they are married. A postnuptial might be helpful if one partner has a sudden windfall. For example, if they inherit a large sum of money. In addition, it can protect a spouse if their husband or wife has reckless spending habits and is accumulating large debts.

Creating an Agreement

Both prenuptial and postnuptial agreements need to be written by an experienced attorney. They can help ensure that the agreement is legal and enforceable. Contact an attorney to help you figure out exactly what to include in your agreement so that you are protecting yourself as much as possible.

Prenuptial and postnuptial agreements are both legal documents that can outline what happens to a couple’s assets in the event of a divorce. And both of them are a great way to protect yourself financially in the event of your marriage ending. However, they differ because a prenuptial agreement is for couples that are about to marry, and a postnuptial is for those that are already in a marriage. You can use either one to protect your assets and any children from a previous marriage, and guard yourself against your partner’s debt. If you are wanting to create either a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement, you’ll want to contact an experienced attorney. They can ensure that you include everything you need to protect yourself as much as possible.

Spicing Up the Romance in Your Marriage

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
If your relationship is starting to feel mundane, it might be time for spicing up the romance in your marriage. If you’ve been married for many years, it’s easy to fall into a pattern of living life-like roommates. However, it’s important to always make an effort to keep the romance alive in your relationship. Be spontaneous and try something new. If you are both under a lot of stress, try giving yourselves a break. Increase the physical touch throughout the day, even just small gestures. And finally, show appreciation and gratitude to your partner. Throwing out some compliments here and there doesn’t hurt either! Hopefully, by connecting a little bit more each day, you and your spouse can build the romance back up in your relationship.

Spicing Up the Romance in Your Marriage: Bringing the Heat Back

Be Spontaneous

Being spontaneous can be very helpful in upping romance in your marriage. Many couples find themselves in a “rut” after years together. It’s easy to fall into the same routine, same schedule, same restaurants, and same motions every day. If you break up the monotony and try something new, it can be exciting and get the creative juices flowing. So try a new restaurant, surprise your spouse at work, or take a class together.

Get a Break

Another thing that can be helpful with spicing up the romance in your marriage is to give yourselves a break. It’s so easy to get overwhelmed with the stress of our face-paced lives. And for couples with younger children, it can feel like you never get a moment for yourselves. Hire a babysitter, ask a friend to watch the kids, or put in for a day off at work. Take a little time where you and your spouse can be stress-free and focus on relaxing together.

Physical Touch

Physical touch can go a long way in spicing up the romance in your relationship as well. And this doesn’t mean in the bedroom, although it can certainly help you get there. Instead, touch your partner throughout the day with small gestures of love. For example, a hand on their shoulder as you walk by, or a quick hug can make you feel more re-connected.

Show Appreciation

Finally, one last way of spicing up the romance in your marriage is to show gratitude and appreciation. It’s easy to forget all of the amazing qualities that your partner has. Make a point to compliment them. In addition, thank them out loud if you notice that they do something for you, even if it’s something that seems small. It can also boost your self-esteem and make you feel sexier if you and your partner complement one another frequently.

Spicing up the romance in your marriage can be a great way to reconnect with your spouse and boost your self-confidence. It’s easy to get into a rut, so trying some new things can go a long way in helping you feel more intimate. Try something spontaneous, like surprising them or taking a cooking class together. It’s also helpful to try to get away for a mini vacation together, even if it’s just for a day. Turn off your cell phones and focus on one another. Increase the physical touch throughout your day with small gestures. And finally, complement one another and show appreciation for all the things your partner does. Hopefully, you can fan the flames of your relationship and remind one another why you fell in love in the first place.

Confronting Abuse: Do’s and Don’ts

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Confronting abuse can be a way to exit a relationship, but you need to make sure that you do it safely. An abuser can escalate quickly and turn a confrontational situation into a dangerous one. Don’t engage with them when they are displaying abusive behavior. In addition, don’t try to reason with them about the abuse because likely it will not work and can also escalate the problem. It is a good idea to make an exit plan that gets you away from the relationship safely. And finally, try to find things that build up your self-esteem so that you can begin the healing process. Whether the abuse is emotional, physical, sexual, or financial, it’s inexcusable in a relationship.

Confronting Abuse: Do’s and Don’t to Keep Yourself Safe

Don’t: Engage

When confronting abuse, it’s important not to engage when the abuser is displaying overtly abusive behavior. This will only make the situation worse. For example, if an emotional abuser begins insulting you or questioning your actions, don’t begin arguing back. Instead, set boundaries. Let them know you won’t tolerate their behavior. Tell them if they continue their actions, you’ll leave the room. Then follow through with your boundaries.

Don’t: Try to Reason

Abuse is always about power, so it doesn’t necessarily have a logical reason behind it. Therefore, when confronting abuse, don’t try to reason with your abuser. They will not change their minds, and likely, the abuse will never stop. Instead, try to find a support network. Reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist and let them help you figure out a safe exit from the relationship.

Do: Make an Exit Plan

Confronting abuse is not likely going to make it stop. Abusers rarely stop abusing their victims. Instead, things tend to escalate. Therefore, the only way to protect yourself is to leave the relationship. Get a friend or loved one to help you make a plan. Begin saving money and figuring out a safe place to go. Your community will likely have local resources for victims of abuse that can help you find a way out of your situation.

Do: Build Up Self-Esteem

Finally, after confronting abuse, try to find ways to build up your self-esteem. Whether the abuse is physical or emotional, it can leave lasting scars. Abusers thrive on taking away the confidence of their victims. After you exit the relationship, try to find activities that bring you joy and boost your self-confidence. Set reachable goals for yourself and find supportive friends who will cheer you on when you reach those goals.

Confronting abuse can be a dangerous thing to do, so sometimes, simply exiting a relationship is the safer move. Do not engage with an abuser because it can escalate a situation. Instead, set boundaries for yourself and stick to them. Don’t try to reason with an abuser either, but instead, find a support network that will legitimize your feelings. Try to make an exit plan with your support network so that you can leave the relationship safely. And finally, try to build back your self-confidence by finding hobbies or activities that bring you joy. Abuse can be incredibly damaging for victims, so getting away from a relationship as quickly and safely as possible is the only way to protect yourself.

Terminating Parental Rights

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
In North Carolina, there are only a few scenarios where terminating parental rights is possible. This means that a parent gives up their legal rights to make decisions for their child. There are specific rules about when they can terminate and who can file the petition to the court. However, the best way to navigate this situation is with the help of an experienced attorney. Ultimately, the court will decide what is in the best interest of the child. If you are wanting to terminate your rights, or petition the court to terminate somebody else’s parental rights, it’s a big decision that requires a lot of thought and consideration.

Terminating Parental Rights: Why and How

Termination of Parental Rights

Terminating parental rights means that a parent gives up their legal rights to their child. This means that they give up the right to make decisions about them as well as the right to seek custody or visitation. It also ends any child support responsibilities. It’s a big decision that can affect a child’s life for many years.

Grounds for Termination

There are only certain times when terminating parental rights is possible. For example, if a parent abuses or neglects a child. In addition, if a parent is incapable of taking care of a child or willfully abandons them. And finally, if a noncustodial parent fails to pay child support without reason for over a year. There are a few other specific criteria that can be met, but in general, this only applies when children are not being taken care of properly.

Who Can Terminate

Not everybody can bring a petition terminating parental rights. One parent can file a motion against the child’s other parent. In addition, adoptive parents, legal guardians, or social services can also file petitions. A person that the child lives with for two or more years can also file a petition to terminate another parent’s legal rights. And finally, it is possible to file a petition to terminate your parental rights.

The Decision

Ultimately the decision about terminating parental rights falls to the courts. The judge will only grant the termination if it is in the best interests of the child. They will likely consider many factors including the child’s age, and their relationship to both parents. Before filing such a petition, it’s best to consult with an attorney so that you know the full legal implications and significance.

Terminating parental rights is a big deal and no parent should take it lightly. Giving up your rights to your child prevents you from being able to have a hand in making legal decisions for them regarding school, medical care, and other factors. In addition, it gives up your right to custody and visitation. There are only a few circumstances where parental rights might be terminated and only a few parties can bring the petition to terminate. Ultimately, the court will decide if it’s in the best interests of the child. Consulting with an experienced attorney is the best way to ensure that you are making the best decision about such an important matter.