Talking Divorce: Breaking the News

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Maybe you and your spouse have tried a lot to solve the problems in your marriage, but it just hasn’t worked. When this happens, and you’re ready for a divorce, you’ll have to tell your spouse. But how do you go about talking divorce? As it turns out, there are some ways to make this hard process a bit easier…

Talking Divorce: How To Tell Your Spouse

Pick the right time and place

Timing and environment are both very important factors when talking divorce. Trying to talk to them right after something stressful or difficult has happened might result in them blowing you off or reacting poorly. Plus, divorce isn’t something you’ll want to talk about in public, or while around family and friends.

Instead, try to find a time where both you and your spouse won’t be busy. Also, make sure you pick a private space where you both feel comfortable. If you have kids, you’ll want to make sure they’re out of the house before you talk about anything. It might also help to keep your phones on silent, as to not get distracted.

Pick your approach

Once you have the when and where down, you’ll need to figure out howyou’ll go about talking divorce. Tone and word choice are very important for having this conversation go as smoothly as possible. If you come off as angry, vindictive, or putting all the blame onto them, they’ll probably get very upset very quickly.

Instead, try being gentle, but firm. Let them know in a neutral or sympathetic tone that you’re sad too, but things just aren’t working. However, be firm in the fact that you want to divorce. That way, you ensure they get the message while not feeling directly attacked.

Prepare for their response

Despite the steps you’ll take for making talking divorce a bit smoother, you still have to be prepared for your spouse’s reaction. Their reaction could go a number of ways. They could get angry, begin blaming you, or very upset. However, it’s important to make sure you respond properly.

A good strategy, similar to the gentle but firm one, is to remain sympathetic, but still state you want a divorce. Tell them that you understand how they feel, and you’re sad about things too. However, let them also know you think divorce is the best course of action. This lets them know you aren’t doing this to be mean, but because things aren’t good for either of you.

Marriage Counseling

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

If you are having problems in your marriage, it’s a great step to try marriage counseling. When it’s the right fit for the both of you, marriage counseling can truly be the difference between make or break. However, marriage counseling doesn’t work for everyone. But, just with anything, it can take time to really make a change. If marriage counseling still isn’t helping after a while, you may be wondering when to hang up the hat…

Marriage Counseling: When to Call it Quits

Checking all the Boxes

For starters, marriage should be what’s right for you and your spouse. For example, do the both of you want counseling? Are the both of you aware of what problems need addressing? Additionally, do the both of you believe your counselor is the best fit for you? Checking all of these boxes is part of what makes marriage counseling successful. If it hasn’t been working, make sure to see that you’ve checked all the boxes.

Time

Just like for most things, time is one of the most important parts of marriage counseling. With some couples, their marriage is already improving after a handful of sessions. However, with other couples, they may go to counseling for years and still cannot resolve their problems. Ultimately, basing how much time has passed with progress is only something that can be done by the couple. The two of you are the only ones who can honestly say whether or not something is working in the time you’ve had.

Are Your Hearts in It?

No matter what, marriage counseling shouldn’t happen unless both spouses are on board. That means, both spouses have to want the counseling and be serious about going to sessions and doing their homework. If not, then counseling most likely won’t work.

On the flip side, the both of you could be passionate about going but lack of success has hindered you. In that case, there is a chance you can increase your morale. Focus, instead on the lack of success, but that you have someone that wants to work things out with you. However, if the two of you genuinely don’t think counseling is working, then it may be time to stop.

Marriage counseling is helpful but tricky. If all the variables aren’t right, things can get messy. However, as long both spouses are using their time properly and still want counseling, everything could work. Sadly, that doesn’t always mean it will work. Communicate with your partner throughout this process. Therefore, it’ll make this whole process clearer.

Co-Parenting Stressors: Coping & Overcoming

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

The time right after your divorce can be very hard to go through. This is especially true as you begin adjusting to the life and times of co-parenting with your ex. Now, not only are you adjusting to life post-divorce, you’re also facing unfamiliar co-parenting stressors for the first time. How do you adjust? How do you cope with this new schedule? And how do you explain it all to your kids along the way? While co-parenting is not easy in any way, there are some ways to overcome the slump and find your co-parenting groove…

Co-Parenting Stressors: Emotional Impact of Divorce

Find some common ground

It’s always hard for a co-parent when their child comes back from being with their other parent and begins acting out. Often times, this is because the house rules over there are much different. This shift in rules makes it hard for a child to adapt, and can ultimately lead to friction from one house to another. Therefore, finding common ground is vital in overcoming those co-parenting stressors. Creating a mutual understanding of why you’re doing this is often a great first step.

The difficult thing about co-parenting is that you won’t have the same exact rules as your ex. However, you can try to come together on some things you both agree on… Continue reading “Co-Parenting Stressors: Coping & Overcoming” →

Diagnosing Domestic Abuse

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

There are many different reasons to pursue a divorce. Maybe your spouse cheated, you’re just not happy, or maybe, you’re a victim of domestic abuse. Diagnosing domestic abuse in your own relationship can be difficult, which is why it can often be much easier for the people around you to see the signs, and make you aware of them. For this reason, we want to shed some light on domestic abuse. Whether you’re the victim yourself, or are concerned that someone close to you is, it’s important to know the signs— and bring them to their attention.

Diagnosing Domestic Abuse: Supporting Loved Ones 

When it is emotional…

You might feel like it’s normal to be afraid of your partner, or anxious to bring certain things up. However, these hesitations are not normal behavior for a couple. Fear of any kind has no place in a relationship that is healthy, thriving, and happy.

If you find that your partner bullies you in any capacity, controls, threatens, or tries to embarrass you— this is a surefire sign of domestic abuse. One of the largest misconceptions about abuse is that it’s always something you can see. Sometimes, abuse is purely emotional— which makes it more difficult to diagnose, especially from the outside looking in.

When it is physical…

While not all abuse is physical, much of it is. If your partner is 1) leaving you places because you’ve upset them, 2) embarrassing you in front your loved ones or strangers, 3) physically assaults you, or anything of the like— you’re dealing with domestic abuse.

Domestic abuse can come in all forms. From emotional abuse, physical abuse, and even sexual abuse. One common misconception that people have, is that when you’re in a relationship— sex is warranted at any point in time. However, you are not required to be intimate with your significant other merely because you are together.

Diagnosing domestic abuse can be difficult…

After all, no one wants to think that the person they love most is capable of hurting them in such a way. Furthermore, the people you love don’t want to consider this either. However, domestic abuse is quite common amongst couples of all age groups. If you think that you, or someone you love, is experiencing some form of domestic abuse— find a way to address it. Whether you go to someone for help, or attempt to get your loved one alone to discuss. The key is to address the situation, separate the dangerous person, and go from there to further distance the relationship.
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We wish you luck in this difficult time, and offer our condolences for the pain and suffering you’re enduring. Furthermore, we also offer our services if you find that you may need them.

Short-Term Marriage & Divorce: How It Differs

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

No one goes into a marriage expecting to get a divorce. However, unfortunately, divorce does happen, and sometimes it can happen quickly. You might think that a divorce would be easier if you’re married for a short time. However, these kinds of divorces also brings about their own set of problems. As a result of these problems, there are a few things to be aware of when getting a divorce after a short-term marriage…

Short-Term Marriage & Divorce 

Acknowledge Your Emotions

Just because you’re getting a divorce after a short-term marriage, doesn’t mean it won’t hurt just as bad. In fact, it can be even more difficult as you face people who might try to say “I told you so”. Negative anecdotes can make this already painful process even more difficult. The truth is, everyone experiences the emotions of a divorce in a different way, and the length of a marriage doesn’t define the pain you feel. It’s important that you take the time to understand and accept the emotions you’re feeling. Consider finding a good support group, or going to a therapist, which can help you deal with your emotions and mentally prepare for the divorce.

Take Stock of What You Have

Getting a divorce after a short term-marriage generally means you and your spouse had less time to accumulate property together. However, in any case, the court considers marital and non-marital property in a divorce. Non-marital property can be tricky, especially in a short-term marriage. The rule of thumb typically goes like this: non-marital property, such as a home or business, can become marital property if that property is used to support the family, make profit together, or so forth. When non-marital property becomes something that both marital properties work on together in any way, it can become marital property.

However, in some cases, it can go to one side or the other. When it comes to property and asset division, your attorney will be an asset to the team.

Make Preparations for the Future

While your divorce is ongoing, that doesn’t mean that your life is on pause. It’s important to make sure you prepare fully for your life post-divorce. This might mean finding a new place to live if you are not taking on the family home. Furthermore, it can even mean getting a new job if you have to relocate a considerable distance.

Keep in mind that, with getting a divorce after a short-term marriage, some courts will usually not award alimony. Depending on your situation, they may only award a small amount. Every case is different. Due to the difficulty these changes can bring, you should prepare in advance.

Getting a divorce can be a rough time mentally and financially, no matter the length of the marriage. Not to mention, apart from the hardship of divorce proceedings, it can be heartbreaking for your marriage to fail. But, that’s not to say you can’t handle it, and rise from the occasion. We wish you luck in your divorce, offer our condolences for this difficult time, and urge you to seek out an attorney.