What to Wear to Divorce Court: Dress for Success

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

When preparing for divorce court there is so much to do. You’ll have meetings with your attorney and have tons of legal paperwork to prep. But sometimes people forget to prepare what they’re going to wear to divorce court. First impressions are important, and some judges are more conservative than others. It’s best to play it safe and dress as if you were going for a job interview. Here are some tips to help you look prepared!

What to Wear to Divorce Court: First Impressions Matter

Clothing for Men

When deciding what to wear to divorce court, business attire is best. Wear long slacks with a belt and shoes with matching socks. Also, a collared shirt with a tie should be work. You can choose to wear a jacket or not. However, it’s always a good idea to have one in case the courtroom is cold. Shorts are never allowed, and you should not wear jeans. Ditch the hat as well, and make sure that your clothes fit well and are not too baggy.

Clothing for Women

Business attire is also what women should wear to divorce court. A business suit isn’t necessary, but you should wear dress slacks or a skirt. Make sure a skirt goes to your knees or longer. A nice blouse or even a conservative dress would work well. Make sure that nothing is too low-cut or revealing. Also, make sure that your clothes fit well and are not too tight. Leave the flashy sequins at home and opt for a more neutral outfit. You could be in divorce court for a long time, so bringing a sweater or light jacket is a good idea. You don’t necessarily need to wear heels, but stay away from tennis shoes or flip flops.

Accessories

The main goal in choosing what to wear to divorce court is to keep things neutral and non-attention grabbing. Try not to wear flashy accessories. If you have a lot of piercings, it might be best to remove some while you go to court. Cover up tattoos as well. Men and women should have clean, neat hair in a polished and neutral style. Also, now is possibly not the best time for very long acrylic nails or blue hair. Finally, keep makeup subtle and unobtrusive. The more conservative you can look, the better.

Having your own sense of style is great! Flashy accessories and dyed hair might be how you express yourself. That’s perfectly fine, but in divorce court, you might be more successful if you tone down your natural flair. Everything you wear to divorce court should be modest and polished. You want to look clean, neat, and dependable. Although you may want to show off your flashy side, you’ll probably benefit in the long run by playing by the court’s rules.

Your First Valentine’s Day After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

It’s your first Valentine’s day after divorce and you are dreading it completely. It’s just one more reminder of your relationship being over. However, Valentine’s day doesn’t have to be a difficult holiday. You can still enjoy your day if you re-focus your attention. If you have children, make the day really special for them. You could also go out with single friends and enjoy “Galentines Day.” Or take yourself out for a fun date night. You can still enjoy the day even if you are struggling through a divorce.

Your First Valentine’s Day After Divorce: Enjoy the Holiday Differently

Focus on Your Kids

If you have children, your first Valentine’s Day after divorce could just focus on them instead. Make a big to-do and celebrate the holiday. It’s a day for celebrating love after all, and who loves you more than your children? Decorate the house and surprise them with Valentine’s themed breakfast. Make Valentine’s cards together to send to family and friends. Gorge on candy and watch a movie while having a picnic on a blanket on the floor. You can make it a special and loving memory without focusing on being single.

Celebrate Galentines Day

If you’re trying to survive your first Valentine’s Day after divorce, lean on your friends. So-called “Galentine’s Day” is a day meant for loving your girlfriends. Whether they’re single or in a relationship, take February 13th to focus on your friendship and celebrate one another. Go out for a fancy meal and clink champagne glasses. You could exchange flowers and chocolate together. Take some time to spread the love with the people in your life who have stood by you through thick and thin.

Take Yourself on a Date

If it’s your first Valentine’s Day after divorce, you could always take yourself out for a date yourself. Or bring a fancy date in if you aren’t comfortable being alone in public quite yet. Order takeout from your favorite restaurant and get a bottle of your favorite wine. And don’t forget dessert! Conversely, you could go see a movie alone – nobody will notice that you’re by yourself once the lights go down. You could even just relax and take time to do something that you love. For example, a fancy bubble bath with relaxing music.

Surviving your first Valentine’s Day after divorce can be daunting to think about. But it doesn’t have to be a source of stress. You can still appreciate the love of the holiday even if you’re single. Make special memories with your children, or go out with your friends and makeover each other. You could also take yourself on a date and take time to do things that you love. Remember that you got divorced for a reason, and even though holidays such as this can be hard, you made the decision that was right for you.

Emotionally Prepare for Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

If you are heading down the road to divorce, you may be feeling overwhelmed. It’s hard to know what to expect when facing divorce. You need to emotionally prepare for divorce by addressing the various feelings you’ll be having. Anger is a big factor when going through a divorce, but letting go of the idea of “winning” will help you in the long run. Also, let yourself grieve all the changes you’ll be facing. Also, let go of guilt, especially when it comes to your children. And finally, let go of shame because there is nothing wrong with making a decision that is best for your family. Mentally prepare yourself for the emotions you might be feeling so you can maintain your well-being.

Emotionally Prepare for Divorce: Facing Your Feelings

Let Go of the Idea of “Winning”

One of the strongest emotions that you might be feeling is anger. Divorce can be so draining mentally, and tensions get heightened. You or your spouse might let your anger boil over from time to time and say hurtful things. Emotionally prepare for divorce by trying to let go of the idea of “winning” the divorce. Because this is a response to your anger, it’s not the most productive way to approach a divorce. Your ultimate goal is to create a better life for yourself and your children. If you come into a divorce wanting to “win”, you may not see clearly and be able to get perspective on the things that will help you all be happier.

Let Yourself Grieve

Your entire life is changing, emotionally prepare for divorce by accepting your grief. Perhaps you had your life all planned out and this came as a sudden shock. Or maybe you saw the divorce coming on for the past few years. Whatever your situation is, a divorce is still a complete change in your life. You’re allowed to grieve the life you thought you’d be having when you got married. Take time to really let yourself feel emotional about the divorce.

Let Go of Guilt

Guilt can be a huge factor when you emotionally prepare for divorce. Especially when there are children involved. Many parents feel tremendous guilt over divorcing. However, they often overlook that in the long run, their children might be much happier. Children pick up on stress and anger. If you and your partner are constantly fighting in front of them, divorce is probably healthier. Seeing you and your partner co-parenting healthily and happily will be better for them.

Let Go of Shame

There is a stigma of shame around divorce that really shouldn’t exist. The reasons for your divorce are nobody’s business unless you feel like sharing. When you emotionally prepare for divorce, try to let go of shame. You are making a decision that is better for yourself. You’re taking charge of your life and giving yourself a chance to be happier. If you have children, they may see you taking control as a show of how strong you are. As a result, they’ll respect you more for going forward with a divorce.

When you emotionally prepare for divorce, you need to be aware of all the feelings you might experiences. Try to let go of your anger and the notion of “winning” the divorce. Focus on the end goal of a happier family. Prepare for grief because your whole world is changing. Let go of guilt, especially when it comes to children because you are ultimately making the healthier choice for them. And finally, let go of shame. You’re making a change for the best, and you should be proud of yourself for taking control of your life.

What to do if Your Partner is an Emotional Abuser

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

The signs of emotional abuse can be subtle in a relationship. Abusers often focus their energy on making you feel weak or unimportant. If your partner is an emotional abuser, find ways to remember your self-worth. Set boundaries with your partner and stick to them. Get support from a friend or family member you trust. And finally, make an escape plan to get out of the relationship. Know that you are important and worthy of a healthy relationship.

What to do if Your Partner is an Emotional Abuser: How to Cope and Get Help

Focus on Yourself

If your partner is an emotional abuser, they probably spend much of their time tearing you down. Making you feel over-emotional or stupid is a classic sign of emotional abuse. Abusers want you to think that they are the most important person in the world. So they belittle you to make your world revolve around them. Find something that gives you a feeling of self-worth. For example, focus on a hobby or activity that makes you feel proud of yourself. Take time to relax on your own, and make it a point to include self-care in your everyday life.

Set Boundaries

Setting boundaries is an important step to take if your partner is an emotional abuser. Abusers are just grown-up bullies. And bullies respond to strong boundaries. For example, tell them that you’ll walk away if they say something unkind. But you must remember to stick to your boundaries. If you don’t follow through, then you give your abuser more power. Therefore, they won’t take you seriously in the future when you try to set boundaries.

Get Support

Get support from a family member or friend if your partner is an emotional abuser. Confide in them with what you’re going through. Abusers want you to feel that your feelings are invalid. If you even suspect emotional abuse, run it by a family member. Gaslighting, or making your question your own feelings, is a classic weapon of the abuser. But don’t let them make you think their behavior is normal. A friend or family member should help you get some perspective.

Make an Escape Plan

Finally, if your partner is an emotional abuser, make an escape plan. The person you’ve confided in can help with this. Know where you will go and who you can call on for help when you make your exit. Also, keep a list of phone numbers you need. Try to save some money without your partner realizing it. For example, keep it in an account they don’t have access to. Or ask a friend you trust to hold it. Know your partner’s schedule so that you know when you can leave.

Emotional abuse can affect all aspects of your life. Get the help you need if your partner is an emotional abuser. Focus on finding your self-worth and set boundaries with your partner. Get support from somebody you trust, and have them help you make an escape plan. Just remember that you deserve to be in a happy and supportive relationship. Seek counseling if you ever feel overwhelmed. And finally, if you suspect your emotional abuser could ever physically hurt you, seek help.

The Pros and Cons Of Sole Custody: Weighing Options

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Custody battles are one of the most stressful things a couple can go through. There are pros and cons of sole custody versus joint custody. A lot depends on the situation and parents involved. You need to weigh the options and decide if seeing sole custody is the right decision for you, your children, and your ex-partner.

The Pros and Cons of Sole Custody: Is This The Right Move?

Positives of Sole Custody

When debating the pros and cons of sole custody, it is important to know the reason why you are seeking it. If there was abuse or neglect towards you or the children, then it might be best for them to be entirely in your care. Similarly, if there are substance abuses or severe mental illness that could impair somebody’s judgment, it might be safer to keep the children with one parent only. The positives in this instance would be that you could feel confident that your children are safe. Another positive is that if it’s only you making decisions for your children, you don’t have to discuss options with your ex. There can be less stress over important decisions.

Negatives of Sole Custody

Another thing to consider when debating the pros and cons of sole custody is that although you won’t have to run every decision by your partner, you also don’t have them to bounce ideas off of. If stressful situations arise with your kids, you won’t have the benefit of your partner’s advice. Another thing to consider is how overwhelming taking care of children full time alone can be. And of course, seeking sole custody can be a huge source of pain for the parent that loses custody. It can lead to feelings of resentment between you and your ex, as well as your children.

What to Do After You’ve Made Your Decision

After you’ve weighed the pros and cons of sole custody, you might have decided to seek sole or joint custody. If you are seeking joint custody, you and your ex will need to work out a schedule. This also might include finding new places to live or coordinating with child care and school pickups. If you have decided to seek sole custody, you’ll probably want to arrange some childcare help. You’ll need to have backup options for things like school pick-ups and taking children to activities. In case you get sick or work keeps you busy, you’ll need to know who to call for emergency childcare. You also might want to look into help since you are now the sole caregiver, which can be overwhelming.

There are many pros and cons of sole custody. Make sure you weigh the pros and cons to yourself, your children, and your ex-spouse. Seeking sole custody can cause a lot of emotions, so be sure of your decision before you seek it. Once you’ve decided which route to go, try to prepare things in advance as much as possible. This will hopefully make the transition easier for the kids. The most important thing is that you work out a situation where your children are happy and supported.

Benefits of Dating a Divorcee

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Some people overlook divorcees in the dating pool. However, there are many benefits of dating a divorcee. Aside from their life experience, they know what they want in a partner. In addition, they will be unlikely to rush things in a relationship. They hopefully will be quick to recognize issues within a relationship as well. Finally, they have proved that they are committed and hopefully have learned from their first relationship. Try not to count out divorcees as potential partners.

Benefits of Dating a Divorcee: Let Their Experience Work in Your Favor

They Know What They Need in a Partner

One of the major benefits of dating a divorcee is that they have learned what they need in a partner. They know what works in a relationship and what kills a relationship. Divorcees will therefore be honest about their needs and quick to see issues. They have probably also learned their strengths and weaknesses as a partner. As a result, they will be more willing to work on their shortcomings.

They Won’t Rush Into Things

Divorcees are more likely to take things slow in a relationship. One of the important benefits of dating a divorcee is that they will be more likely to make their next relationship work longtime. They will take time to make sure their next partner is a better fit. Because they know the stress of divorce, they won’t be likely to rush into another marriage. Therefore, if they do commit, it will probably be a marriage that lasts forever.

Quick to Recognize Issues

Another of the benefits of dating a divorcee is that they’ll be able to recognize problems brewing. They will be quick to see issues that could harm your relationship. They have seen first hand how some problems can ruin a marriage. Therefore, they know how certain issues can spiral out of control. Because of this, they’ll be quick to address those problems.

They’re Committed

Finally, knowing they are willing to commit is one of the main benefits of dating a divorcee. They have proven that they are willing to commit to a marriage. Even though their first marriage didn’t work out it doesn’t mean it was all their fault. There are many reasons why marriages fail. They’ve proven that they are not afraid of commitment. And hopefully, they’ve learned some valuable lessons from their first marriage.

Dating divorcees can be a great option for somebody looking for a mature partner. One of the many benefits of dating a divorcee is the fact that they are worldly. They have experienced the highs and lows of a relationship. Because of this, they’ll be likely to take that experience into their future relationships and make those even stronger.

How-to Identify Financial Abuse in a Relationship

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

When you think of domestic violence and abuse, you probably think of physical and verbal abuse. However, there are many forms of abuse. Oftentimes, financial abuse is overlooked. According to a study by the Centers for Financial Security, 99% of domestic violence cases also involved financial abuse. In fact, it is often the first sign of dating violence and domestic abuse. Learn the signs of financial abuse in a relationship so that you can protect yourself.

How-to Identify Financial Abuse in a Relationship: Knowing the Signs

What is Financial Abuse?

Financial abuse can vary from situation to situation. There is no one perfect example of it. However, it does involve controlling someone’s ability to get, use, and maintain financial resources. The victims may even be prevented from working so that they are unable to make or access money for themselves. In addition, the victims of financial abuse in a relationship may have their own money stolen or limited by their abuser. If the victim does have access to money, they may have to account for any of it that they use.

Look for Signs of Abuse

While every situation is different, there are certain things you can pay attention to. First, abusers may use or controls the money you have earned or saved. Examples of this include using your money or credit cards for their own benefit without asking. They may also ask to borrow money from you and never repay it. Also, they may ruin your credit by charging things to your account and not paying them off. Another sign of financial abuse in a relationship is if they have a double standard when it comes to spending. For example, they may spend money on entertainment, dining out, and clothing but criticize you when you make similar purchases

They may start to control where you can or can not work, and may even make you quit your job. In addition, they may actually try to sabotage your job. It is possible for them to go as far as hiding your car keys or removing your car battery so that you can not show up to work. These are only just a few of the signs of financial abuse, but there are many more.

Get Help

If you or someone you know is a victim of financial abuse in a relationship, get help right away. Call a counselor, advocate, or religious leader. Remember that financial abuse is not something that gets better with time. Oftentimes, it can actually end up leading to other types of abuse. You can also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for confidential assistance from trained professionals. Do not wait until it is too late to get help.

How-to: Handle Social Media While Getting a Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

If you want more information on the topic of social media while getting a divorce, please view this video.

Social media consumes many of our lives. From the time we wake up to the time we go to bed, we are checking social media more often than we think. According to Statista.com, in 2019, internet users world wide averaged 144 minutes of social media every day. In 2018, more than half of American adults say they opened a social media app on their phones at least 10 times a day, and that number is always growing. Social media can potentially hurt your job, relationships, and even your mental health. In addition, social media can be harmful while you are going through the divorce process. Learn how to handle social media while getting a divorce.

How-to Handle Social Media While Getting a Divorce: Ways to Avoid It

Perceptions and Consequences

Most people overshare and over-post on social media. They lay out every detail of their life for everyone to see. Oversharing on social media while getting a divorce can come back to haunt you. For example, if you post about engaging risky behaviors, this could hurt you in a custody battle. In addition, if you have posted things that could hint at an extramarital relationship, this could hurt you as well.

Some people may even get angry about the divorce and post threatening posts about their soon-to-be ex. Keep in mind that the court can use anything on social media as evidence against you. This is true whether it is a public or private message, so never post anything privately or publicly that you don’t want other people to see. A good rule is to always use common sense.

Take a Break

Ideally, you should take a break from social media while getting a divorce. First, so many people only show their curated highlights online, and never the things they are actually going through. Scrolling mindlessly through peoples highlight reals for hours at a time can be harmful to your mental health. You could start comparing your life to theirs, which is not healthy. This is especially true when you are going through a difficult time in your life yourself.

Take a break from social media to reflect on what is going on in your life. Look at how you got to this point and how you can start to heal and move forward. Social media takes up so much of our time that oftentimes we forget about taking time for ourselves. Instead, step back from social media and focus on taking care of yourself while you are going through this process. Who knows, perhaps after the break, social media will no longer rule your life anymore.

How-to Avoid Conflict During Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce is never easy. The process will often stir up conflict between spouses as it brings out strong emotions and feelings. It is not uncommon to feel anger, sadness, hurt, and disappointment. You will find the process to be much smoother when you try to minimize or avoid conflict in a divorce. If you have children, it is even more important to do your best to avoid conflict during divorce. Children do not react well to poorly managed conflict. By managing anger and conflict now, it will also make life post-divorce easier, especially if you have kids.

How-to Avoid Conflict During Divorce: Managing the Process

Don’t Bring Up the Past

It is not uncommon to dwell on the past events and actions that may have led to your marriage ending. Sometimes instead of being helpful, it actually can bring up a lot of anger and pain. Try to avoid getting hung up on the past, or reminding your ex of any wrongdoings. This is sure to lead to an argument, or someone feeling attacked. Instead, work to avoid conflict during divorce. In the words of Dennis Waitley, “Don’t dwell on the past, look toward the future and the positivity that is to come!” If you are going to reflect on the past, do so in a positive, constructive way. That way you can learn from your mistakes and be able to avoid those in your next relationship.

Communication

If you do not feel like you can communicate directly with your soon-to-be ex in a civil manner, it may be best to find an alternative way. You may want to hire a mediator to help avoid conflict during divorce. A mediator is a neutral third party that can help with communication and negotiations during a divorce. They can work beside attorneys to help you come to agreements sooner and with less conflict. Mediation helps you and your ex to come up with a solution based on what is best for your family. This can be a much better option than a judge deciding the outcome of your divorce.

Sometimes you may be unable to communicate with your spouse in a civil manner, even through writing. If a mediator is unable to help, consider communicating through your attorney. Keep in mind that your attorney is your strongest advocate. Plus, they can can communicate on your behalf without getting involved emotionally.

How-to Co-Parent Over the Holidays

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

The holidays are supposed to be a joyous time of year, filled with family, food and cheer. However, in plenty of cases, this is not the situation. Many find the holidays to be stressful, chaotic, and often painful. Some have lost loved ones, and families may be split apart. The holidays can be a real time of conflict. So how do we deal with our ex-partner and all of these pressures as you are trying to coordinate the holidays? It takes a lot of coordination to make sure each parent gets their time with the children, while still making everyone happy and ensuring everyone gets to see them. While it may seem challenging, it is possible to co-parent over the holidays.

How-to Co-Parent Over the Holidays: Working Out the Arrangements

Be Realistic

When you have to co-parent over the holidays, have realistic expectations. Unless you want to spend the holidays with your ex, you can not expect that you will always get to have your kids with you on the exact holidays. Remember that December 24 and 25 are just dates, and that you can still have a wonderful time even if you have to celebrate a little before or after. Also, you will have to keep in mind that you may not be able to have your kids visit with every single relative for the holidays. It is much more important for your children to be able to share the holidays with their other parent than see a far distant relative. If you go ahead and have reasonable expectations set, you will enjoy the season much more.

Traditions

It is no secret that traditions help make the season special. Children often have fond memories of family traditions they enjoyed. Keep in mind that a divorce does not mean that all of the fun traditions have to be over. Some family traditions may be too painful to continue. Be mindful of this, and only do what is appropriate for your situation and your family. Additionally, you should also create new traditions that are fun for everyone to enjoy. It is okay for you to hold onto some old traditions and create new ones when you have to co-parent over the holidays.

Communication

Whatever you do, communicate with the other parent before making or changing plans. Do you best to come up with a schedule to spend time with the kids, whether together or separate. Things can get more complicated if there are misunderstandings or miscommunications. Try to come up with a reasonable schedule for the holidays. Then, present it to your ex as soon as possible. Work through this to make sure this setup works best for both of you.