How to Tell Your Children About Your Divorce
How to Tell Your Children About Your Divorce: An Age Guide
Babies and Toddlers
If you want to tell your children about your divorce and they are very young, you’ll need to use language that they understand. Young babies and toddlers don’t really understand what is going on. However, they might realize that one parent is gone now. Reassure them that the parent didn’t leave them, but rather the grownups are dealing with grown-up issues. Reassure them that both parents still love them very much.Elementary
If you want to tell your children about your divorce and they are at an elementary age, they are more able to process what divorce means. However, they’re still unlikely to fully understand all the implications. Children this age are very prone to blaming themselves. It’s incredibly important to reassure them that the divorce has nothing to do with them and that they are very loved by both parents. You’ll want to reassure them frequently about this.Middle School
Middle schoolers are often already moody and angry as young teenagers. If you tell your children about your divorce at this age, you’re likely to see some added moodiness. Young teens often have a hard time opening up about their feelings to their parents. It might be a good idea to set them up with a counselor or therapist who can help guide them through their feelings while they process the news. Kids this age are also very prone to blaming one parent over the other. You’ll still want to reassure them that they are in no way to blame for the divorce.High School and Beyond
If you want to tell your children about your divorce and they are older, high school, college, or adults, you’ll at least know that they understand truly what it means. However, just because they are fellow adults doesn’t mean that they need to hear any dirty laundry. Whatever the issues are between you and your ex, they need to stay there. Try not to involve your children any more than is necessary. Even though they are older, it is still unfair to encourage them to take sides in a divorce. The decision to tell your children about your divorce is a difficult one. But no matter their age, they deserve to hear it directly from you and your partner in a face-to-face meeting. Stay calm when telling them, give them plenty of time to process, and answer any questions. Whether you are telling a young preschooler, elementary schooler, middle schooler, high schooler, college student, or adult you’ll want to keep their age and development in mind. Keep things as simple as you can while bearing in mind the ways that children their age process things. No matter what their age is, you’ll need to reassure them that the divorce was not their fault. And of course, no matter your children’s age, they always need to be told that they are loved.What to Look for In a Divorce Therapist
When looking for a divorce therapist to help you cope with the stress of your marriage ending, there are a lot of things to consider. You’ll want to find somebody that is successful, professional, and whom you feel comfortable with. You’ll want to decide some things upfront, for example, who you think would be a good fit for you. In addition, you might ask for references from friends. But keep your options open until you find a good fit. Ask about their credentials and make sure that they are licensed professionals. And finally, make sure that the person is a good fit for you and that you feel comfortable with them. Hopefully, you’ll be able to find a therapist who is a great match for you and who can help you deal with your divorce.
What to Look for In a Divorce Therapist: Find a Good Match for You
Make Some Decisions Upfront
Before you begin looking for a divorce therapist, you might want to make a few decisions upfront. For example, you might decide that you’d prefer somebody of your own gender or close to the same age. If you’d like somebody that will guide you according to specific religious preferences you might want to decide that upfront as well. If these things are important to you, then you can search for therapists in your area and weed through some options up front.
Ask for References But Keep Your Options Open
It’s always a good idea to ask for references when searching for anything, including therapists. However, don’t feel obligated to use a specific divorce therapist just because a friend of yours highly recommends them. Just because they are a good fit for somebody else might not make them a good fit for you. Keep your options open when speaking with different therapists and don’t forget that you can always change to a new one if things aren’t working out.
Ask About Credentials
You should also ask to know the credentials of any divorce therapist that you speak with. Ask them what their training and experience are like. You should make sure that they are licensed, mental health professionals. This is the difference between a licensed therapist and a life coach. In addition, ask them how they’ve treated patients who have similar goals to your own.
Find a Good Fit
Finally, when interviewing or meeting with different counselors, make sure that you feel comfortable with them. You need to be able to trust your divorce therapist as well as listen to them. You and they will form a close relationship known as a “therapeutic alliance.” The success of your therapy depends wholeheartedly on the strength of your alliance with your counselor. The more you can trust them and be open with them, the more you’ll get out of therapy.
Finding a divorce therapist can be a little overwhelming when you first go looking. However, it’s important to take your time and find somebody that is a good match for you. Decide upfront if you’d like to look for a therapist of a specific gender, religious background, technique, or age. Ask for references but always keep your options open until you find a good fit. Ask about their credentials and ask about their success with other patients like you. And finally, make sure that you wait until you find somebody that is a good fit and that you will actually listen to. You’ll need to establish a strong bond with them to get the most out of therapy. Hopefully, you can find a divorce therapist who will be a great match for you and who can help you work through the feelings that you might have about your breakup.
Divorce Parties: Things to Consider
Divorce Parties: Things to Consider When Celebrating Your Freedom
Why?
Divorce parties have been increasing in popularity in recent decades. Divorce is unfortunately all too common. Divorces can look many different ways. For example, some couples part ways in a friendly manner. But some divorces are painful and contentious. Exes become resentful and try to hurt one another as much as possible. The uglier the divorce, the more you might be tempted to throw a celebration when it’s completely over. If you’re considering having a divorce party, make sure that your divorce is completely final before doing so. Divorce parties can be as simple as a few friends at dinner, or an all-out bachelor-style vacation with friends.Your Budget
One major consideration when deciding whether or not you’d like to throw a divorce party is your budget. Divorces can be very expensive. In addition, you might be working on a shoestring budget. You might be used to living with two incomes and are now fending for yourself or paying child support or alimony. If this is the case, throwing a big to-do might not be the most financially wise thing to do. Divorce parties don’t have to involve a trip to Vegas: you could still celebrate by having a nice dinner with a few friends.Your Emotional State
Divorce parties also depend a lot on your emotional state after your divorce. Some couples go through such an ugly divorce that they are cheering at the end of it. If you and your ex-spouse have been arguing and trying to get revenge on one another, you probably will be in the mood to celebrate. However, if you’re feeling emotional about your divorce, you might not be so keen. Some couples really view divorce as a tragedy and grieve it becoming final. If this is the way you view your divorce, don’t feel pressured to have a divorce party where you need to pretend you’re glad it’s over.Your Relationship with Your Ex
One final thing to consider if you’re debating a divorce party is your future with your ex. A divorce party where the entire focus is on bashing your ex-spouse could end up hurting them. If you need to maintain a friendly relationship with them for the sake of co-parenting, this might backfire. If you’re trying to maintain a friendly relationship with your ex for the sake of your kids, instead of throwing a party to celebrate being done with them, instead celebrate being done with the stress of the actual divorce process itself. Divorce parties can be low-key and non-retaliatory. Divorce parties might be a fun way to celebrate the end of a stressful time in your life. If you and your ex have had an ugly and painful breakup, a divorce party might be just the thing to help you mark the occasion. Consider what your budget should be post-divorce as this will impact how extravagant your party can be. In addition, consider how you’re feeling emotionally. If you’re feeling sad about your divorce, you may not be in the mood to throw a party. And finally, consider how your relationship with your ex needs to be moving forward. If you need to remain friendly for the sake of co-parenting, it’s best to keep things low-key. However, if you’re in the mood to celebrate, go for it! A divorce party can be a great way to get closure and set yourself up for a fresh start.Running Into Your Ex After a Divorce
Running Into Your Ex After a Divorce
Establish Boundaries
Running into your ex after a divorce can be a bit of a shock if you see them unexpectedly. However, you can establish boundaries with them during the divorce itself. If there are certain classes you take together, or activities you both participate in, you can figure out whether or not to continue these. If you do not want to see each other, you can establish that early. You can handle children’s events the same way. If you’d rather not run into them, plan to divvy up events so that you don’t overlap with each other.Keep Living Your Life
After running into your ex after a divorce, you might be tempted to avoid that place where you saw them. But really, it’s possible to run into them anywhere. If you avoid every place you think that they might show up, you’ll end up limiting your own happiness. Keep living your life. If you run into them, you run into them. Avoiding places you enjoy will just make you unhappy in the end, and gives them all the power that you fought hard for.Don’t Make a Scene
If the dreaded event occurs, try not to make a scene. Running into your ex after a divorce might be a shock to the system. But making a public scene is really not the solution. You’ve already hashed out your divorce, so arguing after the fact will get you nowhere. You two got divorced for a reason, it’s unlikely that you’ll change their minds about anything or that they’ll change yours.Take the High Road
Running into your ex after a divorce can happen anytime. And it’s possible that you’ll also meet their new partner or they’ll meet your new partner. It’s always best to take the high road. Try to speak with confidence and don’t stoop to arguing with them or acting bitter. The happier you seem after your divorce, the more they’ll realize what a great catch you were that they let go. Act politely, calmly, and with confidence, and keep the encounter short. Running into your ex after a divorce is just one of many painful milestones that you probably will face during a separation. However, living in fear of it will only make you unhappy. Don’t avoid places where you think you might run into your ex because then you’ll just be limiting your own freedom. You can set boundaries at the outset of your divorce so that you know you won’t run into them any more than is needed. If it does happen, try to remain calm and speak with confidence. Don’t make a public scene or try to get into an argument over your divorce. Take the high road and show that you have moved on maturely. Hopefully, you won’t run into them often, but when you do you’ll be able to handle it with confidence and grace.How to Move on After an Abusive Relationship
How to Move on After an Abusive Relationship: Emotional or Physical
Pinpoint Personality Traits
One of the ways to move on after an abusive relationship is to look back over your entire time together and try to pinpoint any personality traits that are red flags. Perhaps your partner was increasingly jealous or controlling? Maybe your fighting was getting out of hand. Or maybe a slight push at the start didn’t seem like a big deal. But then the physical abuse becomes more violent. Finding these little signs along the way are red flags. Knowing what to look for can help you see them as a future partner.Write it Down
Another thing to help you move on after an abusive relationship is to write things down. For example, you can find a journal and write down every instance of abuse you can remember. Also, record the way that you’re feeling right now. Also, try to think back on how you felt in those moments. If you ever are feeling like you want to give your ex another chance, it can be helpful to read back over your entries. Seeing the abuse written down can put things in perspective. It can also help you see how things got out of hand, so you can avoid it next time.Make Your Health a Priority
If you’re trying to move on after an abusive relationship, it’s time to put your health as a priority. Find things that make you feel happy and self-confident. For example, maybe you haven’t had as much time for old friends lately. Or perhaps you have a hobby that you take pride in. Make your mental health a priority and try to get plenty of sleep and exercise.Consider Therapy
Finally, if you’re struggling to move on after an abusive relationship, it can help to go to therapy. A therapist can give you advice and tips to help you move on. They can also help you recognize warning signs in a partner. Professional therapy can be incredibly helpful in building back up your self-confidence. It can be hard to move on after an abusive relationship. Physical abuse and emotional abuse can be damaging and the scars can last a long time. Even after the physical scars have healed. Try to look back on your relationship and see if there are any red flags that you might be able to notice in the future. It’s time to make your own well-being a priority. For example, try a new exercise routine or get back into an old passion. And finally, consider speaking to a professional therapist. Hopefully, all of these things can help you move on from your abusive relationship and help you get back into the dating world so you can begin a new relationship with somebody more worthy of your time.Looking Your Best for Divorce Court
Looking Your Best for Divorce Court: Clothing and Style
Why It Matters
Looking your best for divorce court is important because our justice system is very old-fashioned. Many judges prefer that everybody in the courtroom wear professional clothing as a sign of respect for the court system itself. Attorneys still are mostly expected to wear suits, ties, or skirts. When dressing for court, wear what you might wear for a professional job interview.Hair
Looking your best for divorce court means keeping your hairstyle to something non-flamboyant. For women, it’s best to style it in a polished-looking ponytail or down. A messy bun is probably not the most professional-looking style. For men, it’s best to keep a clean-cut look and tame facial hair. You might love rocking a blue-dyed mohawk in your everyday life, but in court, it’s best to tamper your wilder side down.Clothing
In addition to your hair, your clothing should also be modest when looking your best for divorce court. You won’t be able to enter if you’re swearing sweats, shorts, flip flops, midriff-baring clothing, or clothes with inappropriate slogans. For men, it’s best to wear shoes and socks, dress pants belted at the waist, a button-down shirt tucked in, and a tie. You can choose to wear a jacket if you’d like. For women, a knee-length dress or skirt that covers your chest modestly will work, so will slacks with a classy blouse.Style
Personal style is so important to represent who you are as a person. But looking your best for divorce court means looking modest, and sometimes that means tampering down your personal style for the day. If you have a lot of piercings, consider taking them out for court. If you prefer clothing with sequins or a lot of sparkles, consider goes with something more muted. In addition, loud or flashy jewelry or very long nails will probably not go over as well as a more clean-cut traditional style. Save your awesome unique sense of style for the outside world. Looking your best for divorce court is important because first impressions matter. The judge could potentially be making decisions that affect the rest of your life and your children’s lives. You want to strike the right chord with them from the outset. Start by wearing a traditional-looking hairstyle and modest clothing. You want to look like you might be heading to a job interview. Your personal style is important for your everyday life, but in court, it’s most important to look polished and professional. Once you walk out of the courtroom you can go back to showing off your own personal style!Pet Custody: Who Gets the Dog in a Divorce?
Pet Custody: Who Gets the Dog in a Divorce?
Types of Property Ownership
Pet custody often comes down to when and how the family got the pet. In many states, there are two types of property ownership: marital and separate property. Marital property is anything that you both bought together as a couple. It can also include things you bought during your marriage. Separate property includes things that you bring into the marriage. It can also include gifts or things that you inherited during the course of your marriage.An Animal Owned Before Marriage
If you or your spouse already owned the pet before you got married, pet custody is a little more cut and dry. In this situation, the pet usually goes to its original owner. However, often couples purchase a pet together. In these situations, it can be much more complicated. A judge would look at several factors to determine who gets the pet.Pets and Children
One of the factors that a judge might look at to determine pet custody is the custody of the children. If children are particularly close to a pet, it can be especially important. Oftentimes, a judge will want what is best for the children. In a time when things are a bit stressful and up in the air, a family pet can keep kids calmer. The pet might go to the parent who spends the most time with the children.Joint Custody
Another outcome that is less common in pet custody situations is joint custody. This is where a pet would split its time between two spouses. This doesn’t often happen in North Carolina because most judges consider pets as property. However, if a couple jointly decides that this is what they want, they can include it in their separation agreement. They can also decide on visitation. Pet custody can be a complicated and emotional aspect of divorce. Unfortunately, along with the rest of the stress of divorce, people often forget that they’ll have to figure out what happens with their favorite pets. A lot depends on whether the pet is marital or separate property. If one spouse comes into the marriage with the pet, then they usually will get it in a divorce. In contrast, if the spouses buy the pet together it can get much more complicated. If they can agree to joint custody and visitation this can be part of their separation agreement. Otherwise, a judge will decide. Often judges will take the pet’s relationship with the family children into account as well. Hopefully, you’ll be able to come to an agreement that works for everybody and can keep your relationship with your loving pet.How to Build Credit During or After Divorce
How to Build Credit During or After Divorce: Financial Health
When to Build Credit
Ideally, you should build credit throughout your entire life. Parents often start building credit with their teenagers by opening a credit card in their name in high school. This is a good way to teach financial responsibility. However, if you do not have credit in your own name, you’ll need to build credit soon. It’s best to go ahead and establish a credit card before your divorce is final. This way, once it is over, you’ll be able to rent a new apartment or house or make big purchases on your own.How to Establish Credit
The easiest way to build credit is to open a credit card in your own name. You can do this at any bank or online. This will establish a credit history for you. It can be difficult to open a credit card if you do not have any credit history whatsoever. So you might need to start with having a cosigner or getting a secured credit card. This is a card that is backed by a financial deposit that you make upfront.Healthy Spending Habits
It’s important to establish healthy spending habits in order to build credit. Learn how to budget for things in advance. It’s also important to learn self-control so that you can stick to your budget. Keep track of your spending by reviewing your statements frequently. This will ensure that you don’t become a victim of identity theft. And remember to put a portion of every paycheck into your savings account before spending any of it.Healthy Borrowing Habits
It’s also important to establish healthy borrowing habits when trying to build credit. Never borrow the full amount that you are able to. In fact, it’s best to only borrow a very small amount and have a plan in advance for how you’ll pay it off. At the end of each month, pay off your credit card balance in full. It’s a common misconception that you should leave a small balance from month to month. The truth is that your credit score will be higher if you pay off the full amount monthly. After a divorce, you’ll need to have a healthy credit history that is all your own. That way, you’ll be able to start your new life, including renting a new place or affording your own vehicle. It’s important to build credit early so that you have a long-established credit history. Do this by opening a credit card, co-signing a card, or getting a secured card. Establish healthy spending habits so that you stay within your budget. And finally, establish healthy borrowing habits and pay off your credit card balance every month. Having a solid credit history will give you the financial independence you need to start your new post-divorce life right on the right foot.Practicing Self-Care After Your Divorce
If you’ve gone through a divorce, you may feel like you’ve been through the wringer. Divorce can be incredibly painful and the stress of it is often compared to the stress of losing a loved one. Self-care after your divorce is so important for your mental health. You deserve to focus on yourself for a little while and heal. Do this by giving yourself time to grieve. Get back to your hobbies and interests. Reconnect with friends since you’ve most likely been very busy. And finally, accept help when it’s offered. You’ve been through so much, giving yourself some self-care is necessary for your mental well-being.
Practicing Self-Care After Your Divorce: Taking Time for Yourself
Give Yourself Time to Grieve
Self-care after your divorce starts with giving yourself time and space to experience emotions. You might have been feeling pressure to stay strong. You’ve also probably been very busy lately. You might not have had time really accept your new life. Take time to grieve the loss of your marriage and also the vision you had of your future. It’s okay to swing from emotion to emotion. Now that your divorce is final, you can take the time to feel all the emotions you’ve been too busy to really experience.
Get Back to Your Passions
Another way to practice self-care after your divorce is to get back to your passions. Maybe you had hobbies that you’ve been too stressed or busy to focus on lately. If so, take some time to get back into those. You can also try out a new hobby by taking a class. A bonus of this is that you also could meet new people by doing this. A new hobby can take your mind off of thinking about your divorce.
Reconnect with Friends
Self-care after your divorce should include reconnecting with friends. Sometimes people are hesitant to get together with friends while they go through the divorce process. This is because they don’t really want to discuss the divorce or are afraid of giving away information to a mutual friend. In addition, if you’ve been in a controlling relationship, your partner might not have even let you spend a lot of time with others. If you’ve fallen out of touch with friends for any of these reasons, now is the time to reconnect. Getting out of the house and socializing will help you take your mind off of your divorce.
Accept Help
Finally, self-care after your divorce can include accepting help when it’s offered. Maybe a friend or family member is willing to watch your kids give you a night off. Take them up on the offer! You may even find that a therapist is very helpful in helping your deal with any leftover stress. Many people find it difficult to accept help from others. But you’ve been through enough stress, and you deserve to accept some help.
Self-care after your divorce is so important for your mental well-being. You’ve been through so much stress and deserve to have some time to take care of yourself. Give yourself time and space to experience the range of emotions that come with such a big life change. Get back to your old hobbies or find a new interest to focus on. Reconnect with old friends to help get your mind off of the divorce. And finally, accept help when it’s offered to you. Your friends and family just want what’s best for you. You’ve been through a major life change, and giving yourself a little self-love is important for your mental health.