Amicable Divorce: Is it Really Possible?

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

An amicable divorce might seem like a fantasy, but it is quite possible. However, it does require some effort between you and your ex. It’s easy to get lost in the bitterness when you are going through a breakup and especially when you are negotiating assets. Things can quickly spiral out of control and into a place where you and your ex are very antagonistic. However, if you both commit fully to remaining amicable, it can go a long way. Never trash talk your ex, especially on social media. Try your best to not force your mutual friends to feel like they need to pick sides in your divorce. And finally, try to focus on putting your children. You and your ex will be co-parents forever, so you need to have an amicable relationship. Hopefully, you and your ex can work together to make your divorce a happy one.

Amicable Divorce: Is it Really Possible to Be Friendly with Your Ex?

Both Commit

One way to make an amicable divorce more possible is if you and your ex both commit fully to it. You will each need to practice self-control to accomplish this. It’s easy to lash out when you are negotiating your settlement because things seem very personal. Try to always take some time to calm down before responding if you are feeling heated. A therapist can also be a great help with trying to keep things friendly during a divorce.

No Trash Talking

Another major help when trying to maintain an amicable divorce is to avoid trash talking. Trash talking can only hurt your ex and doesn’t serve any purpose. While it can feel good at the moment to vent your frustration, if you aren’t careful, it can come back to bite you. Always avoid trash-talking on social media. It can also hurt your custody battle because it shows a judge that you aren’t prioritizing your co-parenting relationship.

Don’t Make Friends Pick Sides

An amicable divorce is more possible if your mutual friends don’t feel like they need to pick sides. This typically goes hand in hand with trash talking. Often, when you vent to friends they feel the need to agree and join in the bashing of your ex. However, this can create complicated feelings for them if they are still friends. It’s better to tell mutual friends that you are working on an amicable divorce and don’t want to lose any of them.

Put Children First

Finally, one last thing to keep in mind when working towards an amicable divorce is your co-parenting relationship. If you and your ex have children together, then you’ll be in each other’s lives forever. It’s important to remain friendly for the sake of your children. Fighting or trash-talking in front of your children can confuse them and hurt them. Being friendly with your ex will allow you to both be involved healthily in your children’s lives.

An amicable divorce is possible if you and your ex both are committed to it. It’s easy to get lost in antagonistic feelings in the heat of divorce negotiations. You’ll both need to work hard to maintain friendliness throughout the process. A therapist can give you helpful tools for negotiating in a friendly and productive way. Avoid trash talking at all costs because it can only hurt you and your ex. Another important thing to remember is to try to avoid making your friends feel like they need to pick sides in your divorce. And finally, make sure that you put your children first and keep the goal of a healthy co-parenting relationship at the forefront of your mind. Hopefully, you and your ex can get through the stress of divorce and be able to come out on the other side with a friendship still intact.

The Five Stages of Grief After a Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
There are five stages of grief after a divorce. These are the same stages that we often associate with losing a loved one, but they can really apply to any traumatic event. A job loss, sudden break-up, divorce, bad news, or an accident can all result in the same stages of grief. These are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Many people experience these emotions in this order, but that is not always the case. You might move past one stage and think you’re on to the next and suddenly go back a few stages. Grief is a long and difficult process and it is different for everybody. The only thing that can really help is time. Hopefully, you’ll be able to accept your divorce and see it as a fresh start before too long.

The Five Stages of Grief After a Divorce: Going Through the Process

Denial

The first of the stages of grief after a divorce is denial. This is when you are still in shock that the divorce is actually a reality. You might find yourself saying that it feels like a bad dream you need to wake up from. This is our brain’s way of giving you some extra time to process.

Anger

Anger is the next stage in the five stages of grief after a divorce. You might begin to feel overwhelming anger at your spouse for many of your problems. This is a very normal part of the process and can last a long time. However, it’s important to avoid trash-talking no matter how mad you are.

Bargaining

The next step in the five stages of grief after a divorce is bargaining. This is a stage where you might start reconsidering your decision to get divorced. Maybe things weren’t that bad. Even if the divorce was over something serious like infidelity, you might question yourself.

Depression

Depression follows bargaining in the stages of grief after a divorce. This is when the reality of your divorce has finally set in. You might be just now confronting what your future will look like when you’re single. This is a time when many go through depressive stages. Reach out to a supportive friend or find a therapist to help you deal with the depression stage, which can last a while.

Acceptance

Finally, the last of the stages of grief after a divorce is acceptance. This is where you begin to move on from the stress of the divorce. You might begin realizing that there are positives to come out of your situation. Hopefully, you are ready to embrace your new identity and will even feel excited about the next chapter of your life. The five stages of grief after a divorce can take a long time to get through. And each person reacts differently to a shock to their system like a divorce. For some, they might stay in one stage longer than others. Each person has to take their own time and handle things in their own way. Likely, you’ll experience denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and then acceptance. You might ping back and forth between different stages. Or you might think that you’re past a stage and then suddenly find yourself right back in the middle of it. All of these reactions are perfectly normal and healthy. In time, you’ll find acceptance for your new situation. Hopefully, then you’ll be able to find excitement at the prospect of your new life and see the divorce as a chance to get a fresh start.

The Logistics of Divorce: The Details

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
When we think of divorce we often forget about the logistics of divorce. The tiny details have to be figured out for a divorce to become final. For example, you’ll need to decide when and how to tell people about your split. You’ll also need to figure out when and how to move out. Changing your name can be a lengthy process as well. And finally, you’ll need to work out your custody agreement and parenting plan. When thinking about the divorce process, on the whole, it’s easy to forget these smaller logistical details.

The Logistics of Divorce: The Details that Need to be Hammered Out

When to Tell People

One part of the logistics of divorce is figuring out how to tell people about the divorce. It’s really best to keep your divorce as private as you can until it’s final. However, there are some people that you’ll probably want to tell ahead of time. For example, your parents or close family members. You should also let any close friends know that you’ll need support so that they can help you through the process. And finally, you should give your boss or HR rep a heads up in case you’ll be needing to miss work for court appearances and meetings.

When to Move Out

Another piece of the logistics of divorce is deciding when and how to move out. You can decide at any point when the time is right to have your partner move out. But you’ll have to figure out which of you will be leaving and how you’ll be handling the finances of mortgage payments. You’ll also need to figure out if your children will be spending time at both houses.

Changing Your Name

Another piece to consider when thinking of the logistics of divorce is changing your name. This process can be lengthy and complicated. You’ll need to wait until your divorce is final before trying to change your name back. But once it is, you can start at the social security office. Once you have your new social security card you can begin to change your name with other entities. You’ll need to update the post office, credit cards, bill payments, and others. You’ll also need to apply for a new passport and driver’s license with your new name.

Custody Agreements

Finally, one final piece of the logistics of divorce is deciding custody. You’ll most likely cover this in your divorce court meetings, but have an idea of what you’d like to get out of it. Consider things like what your ideal schedule will look like and how you’ll handle holidays. Also consider major parenting decisions like how you want your children brought up, what religion, how they’ll be disciplined, who they spend time with, curfews, diet, etc. Make a plan for how you’d like to financially prepare for schooling and child-care-related expenses. Most of this will be decided on in court, but it’s a good idea to have some plan for what your goals are. Divorce can be overwhelming and emotional. And often we forget about the smaller logistics of divorce amongst the more pressing matters. But the details are important too. You’ll need to decide when and how you’ll tell everybody about the news of you splitting up. You’ll also have to figure out what your and your ex’s new living arrangements will be. Don’t forget about changing your name. And finally, you’ll need to decide custody agreements and put a parenting plan in place if you plan on having joint custody. They say the devil is in the details, but hopefully, you’ll be able to prepare for these logistical details of divorce and make the process smoother.

Finding Confidence for Dating After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Finding confidence in dating after divorce can seem overwhelming. Divorce is incredibly stressful and causes a lot of pain. However, dating afterward should be fun and exciting. Make sure that you’ve taken plenty of time to heal from your divorce. Invest in getting healthy to build confidence. Remember what you love about yourself and highlight these attributes when you meet new people. And finally, try to relax and have fun. Dating should be enjoyable, not nerve-wracking. Try to put your best foot forward so you can meet somebody great and start your new life together.

Finding Confidence for Dating After Divorce: Find Your Happy

Take Time to Heal

Dating after divorce is a big step to take. Make sure that you’ve taken plenty of time after your divorce is final. It can take time to heal from the pain of a breakup. Try to get comfortable with being alone and enjoying your own company. In other words, date yourself first. And feel free to reach out to a therapist to help if you are having trouble moving past the divorce trauma.

Invest in Getting Healthy

Another good step to take to get confidence for dating after divorce is to get healthy. Invest in things that make you feel good about yourself. For example, maybe that’s a new outfit, hairstyle, or teeth whitening strips. Consider joining a gym or finding a new exercise regimen. Exercising can boost confidence and release feel-good endorphins. A fresh start and new look can give you the boost you need to get yourself back out there.

Remember What Your Love About Yourself

Dating after divorce is easier when you remember what you love about yourself and highlight those things. Make a list of all of the things that you love. Maybe it’s your smile, your humor, your selflessness, or your eyes. Write down all of these attributes and find ways to showcase them to potential new partners. If you try dating online, make sure that your profile reflects your amazing personality.

Relax and Have Fun

Finally, the number one rule for dating after divorce is to have fun. Try not to take anyone’s date too seriously. Dating should be fun, so try to relax and enjoy yourself. Chances are that you’ll go on lots of dates, so try not to put too much pressure on anyone. Just try to focus on your date and really listen as they speak about themselves. Try to decide early on if they’re somebody that you could see potential in or if it’s best to move on. Finding confidence for dating after divorce can be difficult, but it’s important for enjoying your post-divorce dating life. Make sure that you take time after your divorce to heal from the stress. Get comfortable being alone before you try to find a new date. Getting in shape can give you an extra boost of confidence and endorphins. Make a list of all of personal attributes that you love about yourself. And finally, have fun! Try to relax and enjoy yourself. You’ve been through a stressful divorce, it’s time to get back to enjoying yourself and meeting new people.