Long Distance Co-Parenting

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

When parents separate, it generally means the children will soon have two homes. Two places to call home, two homes to create memories, and two places to call their safe space. Sometimes, however, these two homes are far away from each other. When it comes to long distance co-parenting, the distance can be fifty miles or five hundred. However, it still feels like the other parent is on the other side of the world for the child. Long distance co-parenting isn’t a bad thing, it shows effort and dedication on both parts.

Long Distance Co-Parenting

Be Active

If you are the parent that the child lives with most of the time, make sure you send their other parent quick text and photo updates of the child. It’s an easy and quick way to keep the long-distance parent involved in day to day activities.

If you are the other half of the long distance co-parenting situation, you can be active in sending texts or quick phone calls just to let the child know they’re being thought of. By sharing in small daily texts, it’s also important to maintain cordial relationships with your former spouse.

Stay Up to Date

Long distance co-parenting requires a little more effort when it comes to keeping up with your child. Sports, extracurriculars, and other activities are important to children.

Keeping an open line of communication between both parents for matters that regard the child is important. This makes sure no parent feels left out. Keeping up with these aspects of life from afar show there is an investment in the child, even at a distance.

Be Creative

Let’s be honest, it’s hard to keep photos of an ex-spouse in your home. It’s important to keep a few, however, to create a family environment for your kids. In situations of long distance co-parenting, a few family pictures throughout the house will help during visits or moments of missing the long distance parent.

Make Time

Creating a specific time to FaceTime or Skype with your child is so important. Creating a plan and making it a routine creates something for you and your child to look forward to. It can be daily or weekly. This allows for visual time when texts and phone calls are the norm in your long distance co-parenting reality.

​During visits at the long-distance home, use that scheduled time to video chat with the other parent. It will create a balance and still allow some quality time with both parents for the child.

Post-Divorce Financials: Making Progress

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce doesn’t just take a toll on your emotions. It can also be pretty draining financially as well. Often times, it’s hard for people to adjust to their post-divorce financials. However, it is possible to begin thriving again after your divorce…

Post-Divorce Financials: Survive and Thrive

Make a budget

Budgeting is an important part of your post-divorce financials. After all, you might find yourself with lesser cash flow after your divorce. Going from a dual-income to a single income household will mean you’ll have to make some changes.

It helps to create a spreadsheet and measure out your expenses versus your income. Then you can see what you can cut back on if you need to save some money. Sticking to a budget will help you avoid spending money on things you don’t really need in the long run.

Adjust your routine

Making slight changes to your routine can actually have a large impact on your post-divorce financials. You might be used to a certain way of doing things before your divorce. However, it might be wise to make some changes afterwards to save you some money.

For example, lets say you usually get a coffee in the morning from a coffee shop that costs $4. Making your own coffee at home instead could send up saving you about $30 a week, and up to $125 a month! Having that extra bit of money saved can really help you get your finances together after a divorce. Try to find the things in your routine that you can temporarily go without to save that extra bit of money.

Invest in your future

A person’s earnings can take quite a hit after a divorce. For example, women can have their earnings lowered by up to 37%! That’s why it’s important for your post-divorce financials that you plan ahead for your future.
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You might want to think about ways you can expand or increase your career opportunities. This could mean getting new certifications or taking some higher education. Many community colleges offer more affordable options than their university counterparts.

Getting a better grasp over your post-divorce financials can actually be quite empowering. You can take direct action in reestablishing your post-divorce life one day at a time with a good budget and a good plan for the future.

Changing Names Post-Divorce: Considerations

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

After going through a divorce, you may feel the need to usher in change. Many people re-decorate, find new hobbies, change their hairstyle, and some women change their last name. The decision to go back to your maiden name can be a tough one because it is so permanent. While there are plenty of benefits to changing names, there are also some cons.

Changing Names Post-Divorce: What to Consider 

When Changing Names Means Changing Identity

One of the cons to changing names is that it disrupts your identity. Depending on the relationship, you may have spent many years with your spouse’s last name. In that case, any degrees you earn during that time will be with your spouse’s name. Also, fellow colleagues will come to know you by that name and may refer to you as such. If you have any business ties, they will also be under your married name…

Therefore, your sense of identity in your everyday community may rely on the name of your spouse. If you’ve spent many years with that name, your own identity may be firm in it as well. Perhaps changing your identity may be exactly what you’re looking for. In that case, changing names may be the best decision for you.

Being Different From Your Children

Another aspect to consider when changing names is how it will affect your children. If you have kids from your marriage, changing names may not only separate you from your ex, but from your children as well. Therefore, it may be a good idea to consider if having the same last name is important to you. Also, you may want to ask your kids and see how they feel. If they are old enough to understand, it may bother them to have a different last name than one of their parents. 

Changing Names Means You Have to Take Your Maiden Name

While changing names after divorce may seem like a great way to start over, it’s important to remember that it also means you have to take your maiden name. So, it’s not so much starting over as it is just going back. For many people, going by their maiden name may be just as troublesome as sticking with their ex’s. Therefore, before you decide to go with a name change, make sure you feel better about taking your own back. 

In short, there are a lot of factors to consider before changing your name. While you may be looking for a way to start over, make sure this is the start you want. It’s best to consider your identity, your children’s feelings, and your maiden name before making drastic changes.

Home Improvement Post-Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Life post-divorce can be a tough time for anyone. Adjusting to the new changes in your life is difficult to do, and you might find yourself in a slump. However, post-divorce home improvement might be what you need to make your house and yourself feel whole again…

Home Improvement Post-Divorce: Redefining Your Space 

Start to declutter

Before you start your post-divorce home improvement, you’ll want to declutter first. This will allow you to start clearing out space for your new decoration plans. Also, it gives you a chance to get rid of any items that remind you of your ex, helping make the place feel more like its yours. Even if you’re not ready to get rid of everything just yet, try and keep it tucked away. Out of sight, out of mind is very true in this case.

Find your style

When you’re living with someone, you’ll have to find a home style you both can agree on. However, post-divorce home improvement means you get to find your own personal style. Each style has their own features which can inspire and make your home space feel more complete. As you search for a style, you’ll also learn a bit more about yourself.

Positive paint choices

Your home has a large impact on your own state of mind. Choosing the right paint colors is an important part of your post-divorce home improvement. Colors can have a large impact on your emotions, so you’ll want to pick colors that promote happiness and creativity. The right colors can completely change the atmosphere in your home for the better.

Focal point favorites

Now that you have the freedom of choice, you no longer need to use your ex’s furniture or other pieces as focal points in your rooms. Instead of keeping the chair your ex picked out, why not go for a more modern couch instead? Why still sleep in the same bed you shared with your partner when you can get one tailored for your preferences? Find the pieces that you like to make your house more complete.

Divorce is a major life-changing experience. However, that doesn’t mean there can’t be positive changes as well. Taking the steps to reinvent your home can also lead to you reinventing yourself as well.

Handling Jealous Exes

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Almost everyone has had a jealous ex who sticks around much longer than necessary. Maybe they cause problems for your next relationship. They might just linger around in your hang outs. Handling jealous exes doesn’t have to be difficult.

Handling Jealous Exes: Quick Tips

Communicate with your Ex

Telling your ex that what they do makes you uncomfortable will bring it to their attention. They might not realize what they are doing. If they do notice, they might think you’re into their constant presence. Communicating is a calm way to start handling these scenarios. You can also make sure you let them know the impact they are having on your life.

Communicate with your Friends

After a relationship ends, some friends will want to stay neutral and continue being friends with both parties. This is fine, but is counterproductive for you when handling jealous exes. Tell your friends that you’re trying to distance yourself from your ex-partner. They will understand!

Avoid the Problem

Contrary to most advice, avoiding the problem may be what you need. When it comes to handling jealous exes, simply staying out of their line of vision helps. After the post-break up blues calm down for you and your ex, returning to your normal routine should be no problem.

Stay Off Social Media

Social media is great for keeping up to date on local events and seeing what your friends are up to. However, social media is not great for handling jealous exes. Anything you post, like, or share can be seen by anyone, including your ex. Keeping your brunch pictures and thoughts about the weather to yourself for a while will be less for your ex to bring up.

Keep New Relationships Low Key

While it’s wonderful that you’re in a new, happy relationship, keep that quiet. The last thing you need is for your new partner to feel the wrath of your ex. Be honest with your new partner about your ex, but your former spouse doesn’t have to be their problem, too. 
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Every situation is bound to be different. If handling jealous exes is something you’re familiar with, you know which way works best. However, if your jealous ex-partner is threatening you or causing you discomfort, please seek help. This could be considered domestic violence and it is very serious. ​

Traveling Post-Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Many people like to take trips or vacations after their divorce is over. These trips can help them clear their heads and relax after such a stressful time. However, it’s important to make sure you stay safe while traveling post-divorce. There are some different ways in which you can make sure you both enjoy yourself and stay protected…

Traveling Post-Divorce: Staying Safe

Do some research

Before you do any traveling post-divorce, it’s a good idea to do some research. An area that you might’ve considered safe before might not be so safe now. Or, it could be the other way around. That’s why it’s a good idea to do some research on any places you’re thinking about traveling to, both domestically and abroad.

However, make sure to do some good digging when doing this research. Don’t just look up one article and go off of that alone. Instead, search around for several articles, statistics, and other people’s personal experiences. For example, a good tool tool to use for international travel is the Department of State’s travel advisory website.

Stay in-touch with others

Another important tip for traveling post-divorce is staying in touch with others. It’s a good idea to let your friends and family know where you’re going, how long you’ll be there for, and what your plans are. That way, they’ll know where you are just in case something happens.

Your cell phone is a great tool for staying safe. Not only can you get in touch with friends and family, you can also use it to get in touch with other resources like the local authorities. It’s a good idea to check in with your cell carrier to let them know you’ll be traveling and to allow any foreign charges. Also, brush up on the important emergency numbers if you’re travelling abroad.

Keep the valuables separated

Items like your wallet, phone, and passport are crucial for traveling post-divorce. Therefore, you’re going to want to keep them safe. It’s a good idea to make use of hotel safes, for instance, so these items aren’t just left out in the open.
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Another good idea is to spread these items out. For example, keep one credit card on you, another back in your room, and some cash in a bag. That way, if you lose your wallet, you won’t be completely without any money.

Social Life Post-Divorce: Finding Friendships New & Old

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

When you were married, a lot of your time and energy went into your relationship. However, now you have the ability to put that energy into your social life post-divorce. This will let you reevaluate and strengthen friendships, as well as make some new ones along the way…

Social Life Post-Divorce

Consider your current friendships

During your divorce, odds are that your friends were a big part of your support network. However, it’s important to tell the difference from real friends like these, and others who you may not be as close too. As a result, your social life post-divorce will require you to really consider which friends are good ones, and which ones aren’t.

Think of your friends and ask yourself how they treat you and how you feel around them. Do you really enjoy being around them and do they treat you with respect? Or, do you only hang out with them due to convenience, despite them being rude or mean? In these cases, it might be time to let those kinds of friends go.

Rekindle old friendships

As you think about your current friends, you might think about some old ones too. These may be friends that you haven’t seen or heard from in a long time. Maybe they distanced themselves because of your ex, or you just simple fell out of touch over time. Part of your social life post-divorce can be reaching out to these old friends and trying to rekindle your friendships.

If there’s someone out there you want to reach out to, don’t hesitate. With social media and the internet, it’s very easy to shoot them a message and see how they’ve been. Just a simple message about how it’s been a while and you’d like to catch up if they have the time can be all that’s needed.

Make new friends

Old friends are just one part of your social life post-divorce. There’s also new friends to consider. Coming off of your divorce gives you a lot of freedom to do the things you’ve wanted to, but couldn’t. These hobbies and activities are a great way to meet some like-minded people, and potentially new friends.

Still, when talking to a potential new friends, don’t ramble on about your divorce or your ex. For starters, you never know if they could know your ex as well. Plus, it creates a negative first impression. Remember that focusing on the past isn’t the way to move forward.

First Months Post-Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce can be a difficult time for those who experience it. However, the first months post-divorce can also be pretty hard as well. Still, once that hurdle is cleared, things become much easier. That’s why it’s important to know how to thrive in those first few months…

First Months Post-Divorce: Making Changes

Keep yourself busy

One of the things you’ll want to avoid doing during those first months post-divorce is wallowing and isolating yourself. Now, wallowing is much different from normally feeling sad or upset. Whereas the later will eventually pass and you’ll feel better in the end, wallowing keeps you stuck and from doing anything. Therefore, you’re going to want to avoid this potential stagnation.

It helps to keep yourself busy during these first few months. Try to get started on the things you need to do to get your post-divorce life going. This could include home improvement, working, or exploring new hobbies. It’s okay to have those days where you need to be alone and gather your thoughts. What’s important is being able to pick yourself up the next day and keep going.

Look for support

Another helpful way to survive those first months post-divorce is to look for some support. Now, your friends and family have probably already been a large support group for you. Still, they might not know exactly what you’re dealing with. That’s why specialized support can be handy.

For example, you can look for any divorce support groups you can join. These groups will be filled with people who have dealt with, or are dealing with the same stuff you are. You can also try out counselling too. There, you can learn some strategies of how to deal with and work through the emotions you’re feeling. 

Do what’s best for you

During these first months post-divorce, you’re probably going to hear a lot of people giving their opinions about what you should do. Now, odds are that they mean well, but they ultimately don’t know you like you know yourself. That’s why it’s important to always remember that you should do what’s ultimately the best thing for you.
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For instance, maybe people might start asking you if you’ve thought about dating again. However, that’s really none of their business. Instead, you should only date if and when you feel comfortable enough to do so. After all, your personal happiness is the most important thing, especially after your divorce.

Post-Divorce Isolation

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

With how much stuff needs to get done during a divorce, you’ve probably been pretty busy. However, what about when all the dust has settled? For many people, this is when the post-divorce isolation sets in. Handling this feeling can be tricky, but it isn’t impossible…

Post-Divorce Isolation: How To Handle It

Why it happens

It’s important to understand why post-divorce isolation occurs in the first place. The largest factor is your divorce itself. The focus of divorce is about splitting away from someone you were close to. Even if you no longer have the feelings for them that you used to, it’s still tough to break away and not feel isolated now that you’ve lost that connection.

There’s also some other elements which can come into play. For example, maybe your divorce has resulted in you having to move into a new home or apartment. This could put you further away from friends and family, who have probably been your biggest support system. Feeling like you’re “stranded” can also increase that sense of isolation. 

Come to terms with it

When handling post-divorce isolation, it’s important to understand that being alone isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it’s a good idea to get comfortable with being by yourself. This will help you do some good self-reflection and come to terms with what happened.

Of course, this doesn’t mean you have to purposefully isolate yourself from the world. It just means that in those moments you do find yourself alone, don’t let it get to you. Instead, channel that time into doing what you want to do and making some plans for your new future.

Pushing past it

Once you’ve gotten comfortable with the alone time and yourself, then you can really push past that post-divorce isolation. Of course, you can do this in several ways. Many people like to start small by going back out with friends, and then slowly working their way towards making new friends on their own.
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A good idea might be to try and connect with others who are or have been in your position. For instance, you can look to connect with other divorced moms if you yourself are one. These days, the internet makes it pretty ease to find and connect with people like you all over the world!

Short-Term Marriage & Divorce: How It Differs

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

No one goes into a marriage expecting to get a divorce. However, unfortunately, divorce does happen, and sometimes it can happen quickly. You might think that a divorce would be easier if you’re married for a short time. However, these kinds of divorces also brings about their own set of problems. As a result of these problems, there are a few things to be aware of when getting a divorce after a short-term marriage…

Short-Term Marriage & Divorce 

Acknowledge Your Emotions

Just because you’re getting a divorce after a short-term marriage, doesn’t mean it won’t hurt just as bad. In fact, it can be even more difficult as you face people who might try to say “I told you so”. Negative anecdotes can make this already painful process even more difficult. The truth is, everyone experiences the emotions of a divorce in a different way, and the length of a marriage doesn’t define the pain you feel. It’s important that you take the time to understand and accept the emotions you’re feeling. Consider finding a good support group, or going to a therapist, which can help you deal with your emotions and mentally prepare for the divorce.

Take Stock of What You Have

Getting a divorce after a short term-marriage generally means you and your spouse had less time to accumulate property together. However, in any case, the court considers marital and non-marital property in a divorce. Non-marital property can be tricky, especially in a short-term marriage. The rule of thumb typically goes like this: non-marital property, such as a home or business, can become marital property if that property is used to support the family, make profit together, or so forth. When non-marital property becomes something that both marital properties work on together in any way, it can become marital property.

However, in some cases, it can go to one side or the other. When it comes to property and asset division, your attorney will be an asset to the team.

Make Preparations for the Future

While your divorce is ongoing, that doesn’t mean that your life is on pause. It’s important to make sure you prepare fully for your life post-divorce. This might mean finding a new place to live if you are not taking on the family home. Furthermore, it can even mean getting a new job if you have to relocate a considerable distance.

Keep in mind that, with getting a divorce after a short-term marriage, some courts will usually not award alimony. Depending on your situation, they may only award a small amount. Every case is different. Due to the difficulty these changes can bring, you should prepare in advance.

Getting a divorce can be a rough time mentally and financially, no matter the length of the marriage. Not to mention, apart from the hardship of divorce proceedings, it can be heartbreaking for your marriage to fail. But, that’s not to say you can’t handle it, and rise from the occasion. We wish you luck in your divorce, offer our condolences for this difficult time, and urge you to seek out an attorney.