Giving Yourself Permission for a Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Sometimes, giving yourself permission for a divorce is harder than you might think. We often feel pressure to stay in relationships that don’t work out just for the sake of appearances. But letting go of your preconceived notions and allowing yourself the freedom to make the decision is important. It’s okay to listen to the input of others, but ultimately, the decision needs to be yours alone. Furthermore, if you have family members that are not supportive, you’ll need to establish some healthy boundaries. While it can be intimidating, there are many positives on the other side of divorce. For example, you are getting out of a negative relationship, freeing yourself up to focus on your own priorities, and getting to strike out on a new path that will hopefully make you happier.

Giving Yourself Permission for a Divorce: Letting Go of Preconceived Notions

Why It’s Difficult

Giving yourself permission for a divorce can be more difficult than you might think because we often have so many preconceived notions of what marriage should look like. There is societal pressure to make your relationship work out. While the stigma of divorce is lessening, you still might face awkward questions from friends and family. Sometimes, letting go of the future that you imagined for yourself can be incredibly hard, even if things aren’t working well. So sometimes, giving yourself that freedom to pursue a divorce is the hardest step of the whole process.

Making The Decision Yours Alone

Your friends and family will likely have some strong ideas about your marriage, but giving yourself permission for a divorce is your decision alone. Try not to let others influence you, because they don’t really know the ins and outs of your relationship. Nobody knows what’s going on behind closed doors. If you are considering pursuing a divorce, you need to sit down and weigh your options without input from others first.

Fighting Stigma

You might also face some stigma or judgement from friends and family members. Especially older family members that might be from a generation where divorce was not common. Again though, your decisions are yours to make. If your friends or family are not respecting your decision, then you’ll need to set some boundaries with them. For example, “I don’t want to discuss the divorce with you at this time. If you can’t be respectful of that decision, then we need to take some time apart.”

The Positives

While giving yourself permission for a divorce can feel scary, there are actually a lot of positives to making the decision. You are prioritizing your happiness, and you can now focus on the things that you want to focus on. For example, now is the time to pursue hobbies or friendships that you have neglected. It’s also a great time to really work on your self-confidence and self-care. Furthermore, if you have children, you are showing that it’s okay to step away from a relationship if it isn’t the right fit. Getting through the formality of the divorce is a long process, but on the other side of it, you will hopefully feel relief and at peace with your decision.

Considering divorce is a big deal, and it’s something that can weigh heavily on you. If you are waffling back and forth, sometimes, giving yourself permission for a divorce can be the hardest step to take. But once you do decide, you’ll have a clear path moving forward for what you need to do next. Let go of your preconceived notions, or any pressure you feel to keep a relationship going just for the sake of appearances. It’s hard to let go of the future that you’ve always imagined with your partner. But if your relationship isn’t bringing you happiness, that future is lost anyway. Make the decision on your own, without worrying about judgement from friends and family. If they are unsupportive of your decision, you might need to set some boundaries or even take a break from interacting with them until the dust settles. While it’s scary, the positives are that you can now follow your own path and prioritize your own needs. Plus, you can model healthy relationship-seeking for your children, and maybe even meet somebody new that is a better fit for you and can give you the future you’ve always wanted.

Red Flags to Watch for in Your Marriage

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Knowing the red flags to watch for in your marriage can help you make sure that you aren’t missing warning signs that things aren’t going smoothly. Sometimes, it’s hard to recognize when a marriage is on the rocks until it’s too late. We often get in a rut, and don’t realize how much time passes without things improving. If you are feeling a little stuck, make sure that you and your partner aren’t displaying any of the below warning signs. For example, if there is a lot of unhealthy conflict, or even more concerning, aggression. Additionally, resentment can tear away at a marriage. This can often arise from feeling like the relationship is one-sided. Finally, if you feel like your partner is lying to you or hiding things, it can be a definite warning sign that you two need to really examine your relationship. Hopefully, if you find any of these red flags, you can take precautions to help get your marriage back on track or have a healthy conversation about divorce.

Red Flags to Watch for in Your Marriage: Warning Signs that Things are Going South

Unhealthy Conflict

One of the main red flags to watch for in your marriage is unhealthy conflict. Every couple has disagreements from time to time. However, if huge arguments are becoming the norm in your life, it might be time to really examine your relationship. Furthermore, your arguments shouldn’t involve a lot of shouting, name-calling, or aggression. If this is the case, it’s important to speak to a marriage counselor or somebody that can help you learn to deal with conflict in a healthy way.

Resentment

Another of the red flags to watch for in your marriage is resentment. Resentment often builds and builds and builds until one partner explodes and takes the other by surprise with a year’s worth of complaints. Instead, make sure that you are both checking in with each other periodically to make sure that you both feel that you’re being treated equally in the relationship.

Lack of Effort

Feeling of resentment often arise because one parter feels like they are contributing a lot more effort to the relationship than the other. Or they feel that their partner is not supporting them very well emotionally. A lot of these types of feelings can come up with things like household responsibilities, childcare responsibilities, or mental work is not equally divided. Make sure that you work together to figure out the things that need to be done and divvy up tasks equally.

Deception

Finally, another important one of the red flags to watch for in your marriage is deception. If you feel like your partner is lying to you or hiding things, it might be an indication that you need to have a serious conversation. Similarly, if you are feeling like you need to hide things from your partner, it’s a warning sign. For example, this might include things like texting or flirting with a coworker, hiding financial trouble, or covering up how much you are drinking. All of these things can lead to significant cracks in your marriage.

The red flags to watch for in your marriage will be slightly different for every couple. However, in general, it’s important to make sure that you both are continuing to show up for one another and discuss your relationship. If it feels like conflict is becoming the norm, or your fights devolve into aggressive or unhealthy places, it might be trouble. Additionally, failing to divide up household responsibilities can quickly lead to resentment, as can a one-sided relationship. Make sure that you are both putting equal effort into keeping your relationship strong. Finally, if you or your partner are hiding things or lying, it’s a definite warning sign that there is something wrong with the relationship. If you notice any of these things, it’s helpful to get professional help from somebody like a marriage counselor. They can help you navigate difficult conversations, and help you figure out if you both are wanting to recommit to the marriage or consider alternatives like divorce. Hopefully, you can both come to an agreement and move forward peacefully with whichever you choose.

What to do if Your Partner is an Emotional Abuser

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

The signs of emotional abuse can be subtle in a relationship. Abusers often focus their energy on making you feel weak or unimportant. If your partner is an emotional abuser, find ways to remember your self-worth. Set boundaries with your partner and stick to them. Get support from a friend or family member you trust. And finally, make an escape plan to get out of the relationship. Know that you are important and worthy of a healthy relationship.

What to do if Your Partner is an Emotional Abuser: How to Cope and Get Help

Focus on Yourself

If your partner is an emotional abuser, they probably spend much of their time tearing you down. Making you feel over-emotional or stupid is a classic sign of emotional abuse. Abusers want you to think that they are the most important person in the world. So they belittle you to make your world revolve around them. Find something that gives you a feeling of self-worth. For example, focus on a hobby or activity that makes you feel proud of yourself. Take time to relax on your own, and make it a point to include self-care in your everyday life.

Set Boundaries

Setting boundaries is an important step to take if your partner is an emotional abuser. Abusers are just grown-up bullies. And bullies respond to strong boundaries. For example, tell them that you’ll walk away if they say something unkind. But you must remember to stick to your boundaries. If you don’t follow through, then you give your abuser more power. Therefore, they won’t take you seriously in the future when you try to set boundaries.

Get Support

Get support from a family member or friend if your partner is an emotional abuser. Confide in them with what you’re going through. Abusers want you to feel that your feelings are invalid. If you even suspect emotional abuse, run it by a family member. Gaslighting, or making your question your own feelings, is a classic weapon of the abuser. But don’t let them make you think their behavior is normal. A friend or family member should help you get some perspective.

Make an Escape Plan

Finally, if your partner is an emotional abuser, make an escape plan. The person you’ve confided in can help with this. Know where you will go and who you can call on for help when you make your exit. Also, keep a list of phone numbers you need. Try to save some money without your partner realizing it. For example, keep it in an account they don’t have access to. Or ask a friend you trust to hold it. Know your partner’s schedule so that you know when you can leave.

Emotional abuse can affect all aspects of your life. Get the help you need if your partner is an emotional abuser. Focus on finding your self-worth and set boundaries with your partner. Get support from somebody you trust, and have them help you make an escape plan. Just remember that you deserve to be in a happy and supportive relationship. Seek counseling if you ever feel overwhelmed. And finally, if you suspect your emotional abuser could ever physically hurt you, seek help.

Choosing a Marriage Counselor

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Choosing a marriage counselor can be an important factor in the success of your therapy journey. If you and your spouse are considering marriage counseling, talk about what you’d like to have in a therapist. Make sure that you have similar goals in mind for therapy and then start trying to find somebody that fits the bill. Interview several therapists to get an overall sense of their approach. Consider your budget and if your insurance might help pay for the therapy. You and your partner both need to agree with your therapist. Establish some goals with your counselor early and make sure that they are continuing to work towards them. And finally, trust your gut. If things don’t feel like they’re progressing, find somebody else. You and your partner need to agree on your counselor so that you both feel comfortable.

Choosing a Marriage Counselor: How to Pick the Best Fit

Interview Several

When choosing a marriage counselor, interview several before making your decision. You want to find a good fit for both you and your partner. Figure out what each therapists’ style is and see if it’s a match for your personality. You want to find somebody that you both feel very comfortable with and are open to sharing personal information with.

Consider Budget

Budget is always a consideration when choosing a marriage counselor. Therapy can be expensive, especially out of pocket. Talk to your insurance provider and see if any sort of therapy is covered by your insurance. You can also ask the therapist when you call whether they accept your insurance. If you need to pay out of pocket, make sure that that is something you and your spouse both agree on.

Establish Goals

When choosing a marriage counselor, it’s a good idea to establish your goals ahead of time. Decide if you are wanting therapy to stay together and strengthen your relationship. Or if you are looking for therapy to decide to separate. If you want your goal to be staying together, make sure that your counselor is in agreement with that goal and working towards it.

Trust Your Gut

Finally, trust your gut when choosing a marriage counselor. If something feels unprofessional or like it’s not a great fit, move on to somebody else. You should also never feel like your counselor is siding with either one of you. Nobody wants to feel ganged up on, so if it feels like your counselor is taking sides, then they aren’t being professional. Move on to a different therapist that is a better fit. Choosing a marriage counselor is a big decision when it comes to the overall health of your marriage. And marriage counseling doesn’t have to happen because you’re having troubles. It’s a great idea to see a therapist even when things are great. They can help you identify why things are going so well and give you ways to get back to that feeling when things get tougher. Interview several therapists and figure out who is going to be a good fit. Take your budget into consideration and check into your insurance. Establish goals ahead of time with your counselor and make sure they’re working towards them with you. And finally, trust your gut and find a new therapist if things don’t feel like a good fit. Both you and your partner need to feel good about your choice so that you can get the most out of your counseling sessions.

Enjoying a Beach Trip with Young Children

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Every parent knows, enjoying a beach trip with young children isn’t as easy as it sounds. Between cranky sunburned children, long drives, naps disrupted, and sand everywhere it can be a lot of work for parents. But with a little planning, you can have a great vacation. Make sure that you’re always cautious about water safety, no matter what age your children are. Bring snacks everywhere you go, and dress everyone appropriately for the activity. Don’t overpack your day with too many activities, and try to leave some down time. Finally, remember that no vacation goes perfectly. The more flexible you can be, the more relaxed you’ll keep the entire family. Try to roll with any changes and make the best of any situation.

Enjoying a Beach Trip with Young Children: Making the Most of Your Vacation

Water Safety

Whenever you’re around water with kids in tow, you need to be careful. When enjoying a beach trip with young children it’s especially important to keep in mind water safety. Never leave kids unattended near a pool or ocean. In the ocean, make sure that children wear life jackets or floaties, and keep a hand on them at all times. Be on the lookout for riptides or other dangers.

Bring Snacks…Everywhere

Another key to enjoying a beach trip with young children is to bring the right equipment everywhere you go. And usually, that means snacks. Plan to bring along snacks and water if you go to the beach, pool, for a bike ride, and for any long drives. Also plan to bring some toys for any rainy days or downtime while you pack up. Put the proper sun protection on children so they don’t get sunburned.

Don’t Overpack Your Day

Another thing that can help with enjoying a beach trip with young children is to avoid overfilling your days with too many activities. While bored children are destructive children, it’s also not great to over-tire them. Plan for a morning and afternoon activity, but try to maintain some quiet rest time during the hottest part of the day.

Be Flexible

Finally, remember that when enjoying a beach trip with young children or really any kind of vacation whatsoever, it’s best to be flexible. Things are going to go wrong, it’s inevitable. Instead of stressing about it, try to go with the flow. The more you stress, the more anxious your children will be. Instead, try to make a game of it. For example, if it rains, instead of being sad about the pool day, try a movie or a walk in the rain together.

Enjoying a beach trip with young children isn’t always as easy as it sounds. Traveling with youngsters can be a lot of work for parents and can leave them feeling like they need a vacation from their vacation. Try to make the most of your vacation by planning in advance and bringing along snacks everywhere you go. Pack some special toys or activities that will hold their attention. Don’t over-plan your days, and leave some room for down time. Be flexible when plans change and try to maintain a positive attitude. Finally, be mindful of water safety a

Keeping the Peace When Dealing with Financial Trouble

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Keeping the peace when dealing with financial trouble can be difficult as money is one of the most common stressors in a marriage. If you and your spouse are struggling with money, you aren’t alone. However, blaming one another or constantly focusing on the negative isn’t likely to do anything positive to get you into a better financial situation. Or marital situation. So instead, work together to create a realistic budget. Then, identify and hone in on fixing unhealthy spending habits. Finally, set financial goals together, both short and long-term to help you stay motivated. Hopefully, by working together towards a common goal, you can get yourselves into a place where you can pay off debt and begin saving.

Keeping the Peace When Dealing with Financial Trouble: Don’t Let Money Ruin Your Marriage

Don’t Place Blame

Keeping the peace when dealing with financial trouble is only achievable if you both agree not to play the blame game. Unless one of you has a serious spending issue, it’s likely that you both contributed to any financial woes you’re facing. There will be times in any marriage where partners must rely on each other. Not everything is always equal, but over the course of a relationship, you both likely will have times when you’re making more or less money. Try to see the bigger picture and avoid pointing fingers, as this isn’t going to achieve anything other than resentment.

Work Together to Create a Budget

Another thing that can be helpful with keeping the peace when dealing with financial trouble is to work together to create a realistic budget. First, work together to compile a list of your monthly income. Consider everything you make both at work or any side hustles. Then, figure out a realistic budget that takes into account all of your month to month spending. Also make sure you account for things like subscriptions or yearly bills. Give yourself a little spending money so that things aren’t too rigid, but most of your income should go to debt pay-off and savings at this point.

Fix Unhealthy Spending Habits

It’s important to start identifying unhealthy spending habits if you’re already facing financial strain. For example, frivolous purchases, excessive eating out, or ordering in food. If there are subscriptions that you can cut out, do so. Additionally, if you are driving cars outside your means, see if you can find a better deal on one. Identifying places where you spend too much money and trying to come up with solutions together can save you more money than you realize.

Set Goals Together

Finally, keeping the peace when dealing with financial trouble is easier and more manageable if you set goals together for your finances. For example, set aside money for things that are fun like traveling, as well as the necessities. Make short-term and long-term goals, and keep things to small baby steps. That way, you won’t get overwhelmed. Focus on paying down debt little by little, then building an emergency fund of six month’s worth of income, and finally, creating a savings account and adding to it each month.

Money struggles can be incredibly difficult, but keeping the peace when you’re dealing with financial trouble is possible if you both commit to it. Firstly, you must both agree to avoid placing blame on one another. Likely, it’s a combination of both of your spending that has led you to this point. Next, make a list of all of your income and expenses for each month, and see if there are areas where you can cut down on things. Don’t forget those sneaky expenses like yearly renewals or subscriptions. Nip any problematic spending habits in the bud, like frivolous spending or going out to eat too often. Finally, create some goals together that will keep you both motivated to keep saving. Hopefully, if you work together and stay focused on the end goal of living without crushing debt or without being paycheck to paycheck, you can achieve your goals and some financial freedom along the way.

Dividing Time Equally Between Parents and In-Laws

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Many people feel conflicted about dividing time equally between parents and in-laws. This can be particularly difficult when you are spending your first holidays together, newly married, or have children. It’s normal for each of your families to want to spend their time with you and carry on those holiday traditions that mean so much to them with your children. However, sometimes families have to make compromises. If everybody gets along and if you have the space, you might consider hosting them all at your own house. You might also consider sharing the day if they live within easy driving distance. For families that live further away, you might need to alternate holidays throughout the year, or alternate years. However, it’s important for you and your spouse to create your own traditions as well. If being torn between your two families ends up causing you more stress than enjoyment, it might be time to come up with a new plan that allows you both to enjoy this time together. Hopefully, you can come to an agreement that works for you two and your families so that you aren’t dealing with drama during the holiday season.

Dividing Time Equally Between Parents and In-Laws During the Holidays

Host Them All

One option when you’re struggling with dividing time equally between parents and in-laws is to simply opt to host them all together. However, this requires you to have the space for them as well as the energy to host. And your parents and in-laws should be able to get along in order for this to happen smoothly. However, this can be a great option to allow your families to get to know one another better and to each give them plenty of time with you and your children.

Share the Day

Another option you can choose when dividing time equally between parents and in-laws is to share the actual day of the holiday. This only works if your families live relatively close together. However, you can wake up Christmas morning and have lunch with your family and then drive to your in-laws for Christmas dinner. This allows both sets of families to celebrate with you all on the actual day of the holiday. However, the drawback of this option is that it can end up making your holidays feel rushed and frantic. And if your parents aren’t very close, it can feel like a lot of traveling.

Alternate Holidays

Some families choose to divvy up holidays throughout the year and alternate which family they spend time with. This works especially well if you have families that only care about specific holidays that don’t happen to overlap one another. You can also switch things up from year to year so that each year you swap which holidays you celebrate with them. It can be difficult for them to be away from you on the years when you are with the other set of family, but in all this tends to work best if your families do not live close to one another.

Make Your Own Traditions

Finally, if you’re stressing about dividing time equally between parents and in-laws, it might be time to create some new traditions of your own. The holidays are meant to be an enjoyable time. And if figuring all of this out creates more of a headache, you might just want to take a break from celebrating with family altogether. It’s perfectly fine for you and your spouse or your family to create your own tradition of just being together and spending some quality time with one another. This can end up creating friction with your family, but you ultimately have to do the best thing for your own mental health as well as the mental health of your spouse and children.

Dividing time equally between parents and in-laws is one of the first hurdles that many new serious relationships face. Your family have years of traditions with you that they might not want to give up. But this can leave you both feeling torn about who to spend your holidays with. You can opt to celebrate with both families on the day of the holiday if they live close together. Or if they live further apart, you can choose to alternate which families you visit throughout the year or from year to year. If your families all get along well and live relatively close together, you can choose to host them all at your house and establish a new tradition. However, this requires a lot of prep work, planning, and energy. If figuring out how to evenly split your time is causing you stress and impacting how much you even enjoy the holidays, it might be time to take a break from family altogether. While it’s nice to continue traditions that are important, you shouldn’t do that at the expense of your mental health. If arguing about which family to visit causes too much stress, you might opt for a quiet holiday at home with just your spouse and children.

Can Sleep Divorce Save Your Marriage?

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Sleep divorce is a growing trend where couples sleep in separate beds or bedrooms. For a long time, the norm was for couples to sleep in separate beds, and trends in co-sleeping differ across cultures. If you and your partner have different sleeping styles, preferences, or schedules, it can disrupt your sleep to share a bed. Lack of sleep can lead to irritability, resentment, and relationship trouble. So for many, choosing to sleep in separate bedrooms actually improves their marriage. However, it’s important to note that while there are benefits to having your own sleeping space, there can also be some drawbacks. For example, you might have money or space constraints. Additionally, it can dampen your intimacy unless you and your partner put in effort to keep the spark alive. Ultimately, the decision is yours to make, but it’s important that both partners be on the same page. Otherwise, it can create insecurities or resentment. Hopefully, you and your spouse can weigh the options and decide what sleeping arrangement is best for you.

Can Sleep Divorce Save Your Marriage: Separate Bed Might Be the Key to Relationship Bliss

What Does It Mean?

Sleep divorce, sleep separation, or alternative sleeping arrangements all refer to the idea of spouses sleeping in different beds or bedrooms. Different cultures have always had different norms when it comes to cohabitation, and trends come and go. While it’s often seen as a symbol of intimacy in a marriage to share a bed, the reality is that sometimes that’s not an ideal sleeping situation for both partners.

Why Do It?

The trend of sleep divorce is gaining popularity in recent years, although the stigma of the word divorce can still leave some couples nervous about trying it. However, sleep is incredibly important for our overall physical and mental health. If you and your partner work different shifts, you can experience a lot of disruptions to your sleep. Similarly, if your partner prefers a cold bedroom, darker bedroom, white noise, etc when sleeping, those preferences don’t always match up. Couples also struggle with sleep if one partner snores loudly, uses a CPAP machine, or tosses and turns frequently.

Pros

If you and your partner struggle with having different sleeping preferences, or otherwise disrupt one another’s rest, separate bedrooms or beds might allow you both to get a more restful night’s sleep. You can stretch out and have more personal space, have your bedroom exactly the way you like it, and sleep without disturbances from your partner. Additionally, you might become more intentional about intimacy and begin to reconnect more as a couple.

Cons

While there are many positive to sleep divorce, there can also be some drawbacks to consider. For example, for many there are space or financial constraints. It can be difficult to find room in your house for two separate beds or bedrooms. You might also find that it can be lonely going to bed without your partner. And of course, for some, it can lead to a decrease in intimacy. Things like cuddling and physical touch are important in a relationship, and you and your spouse will have to make extra effort to bring those things into your marriage if you are sleeping separately.

When considering whether or not a sleep divorce is the right option for you, it’s important that both partners be on the same page. If only one of you wants the separation, it can lead to insecurities, loneliness, and resentment from the other partner who might feel abandoned. And sleeping separately can decrease your intimacy with one another if you aren’t intentional about connecting. However, if you both are open to the idea, sleeping separately can have a lot of positive effects on your relationship. Getting better rest means that you both will have more energy for your relationship without any resentment over poor sleep. For many, the idea of sleeping separately feels stigmatized. However, if it’s the best option for your relationship, it isn’t really anybody else’s b

What is a healthy divorce?

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

A healthy divorce is one where both parties walk away feeling like they have closure without resentment. The divorce process can be difficult and painful, but it is possible to keep things amicable. And if you share custody of children, it’s all the more reason to try your best to keep things friendly. You’ll be coordinating things for your kids together for the rest of your lives, and the sooner you can begin to establish a healthy coparenting relationship the better for you and your children. Try to present a united front when it comes to your kids, and set aside bitterness and anger for their sake. Additionally, when you are negotiating the terms of your divorce settlement, try to look at the bigger picture instead of trying to “win” the divorce. Avoid trash talking about your ex, because it can wind up hurting your case and causing issues for your children. And finally, hire an attorney to ensure that you’re getting the best representation, and so that they can help you navigate this difficult process. Hopefully, you and your ex will be able to keep things civil and each walk away from your marriage with respect towards one another.

Healthy Divorce: How to Walk Away with Dignity

Be a Team When It Comes to Parenting

One of the most important things you can focus on to have a healthy divorce is to parent as a team. Present a united front with your children, and reassure them that you both love them the same and will be a part of their lives. Don’t try to win your children over by spoiling them or upsetting their schedules, and instead, try to keep things consistent across your houses. Discuss parenting decisions together with the children’s happiness and well-being as your absolute top priority.

Negotiate Without Trying to “Win”

One aspect of a healthy divorce is that both parties go into it with a goal of settling things peacefully. If you each go into your divorce with a mindset of wanting to “win,” it’s going to instantly antagonize you against one another. Don’t get hung up on the details, or trying to win petty disagreements. Decide on a few key things that you want to focus on and let the rest go. You aren’t going to walk away with everything you want, compromise is an important part of this process.

Avoid Trash Talking

Avoiding trash talking is one of the easiest ways to help promote a healthy divorce. When you badmouth your ex, you run the risk of them finding out and making things much more contentious. Additionally, it can hurt your case if you’re in a custody battle, because a judge wants to see that you can coparent peacefully. Finally, if you have children, it can be especially harmful to speak ill of their parent (your ex) in front of them. They love you both equally, and hearing you disparage their other parent can be confusing, stressful, and emotionally painful for them.

Hire Help

Finally, if you want to navigate divorce the smoothest way possible, hire help. An experienced divorce attorney can expedite the process and ensure that you have the best support possible when it comes to arguing your case. If other professionals are needed, like forensic accountants, your attorney can help coordinate that. Additionally, it can be helpful to speak to a licensed therapist or counselor during this time for emotional support. And if you and your ex plan to coparent, a counselor can also see you together in order to help lay the groundwork for a peaceful coparenting relationship.

We all know that divorces can get very ugly and bring out the worst in people. However, it is possible to have a healthy divorce where both people walk away with some satisfaction and overall respect for one another. But you’ll both have to be committed to keeping things civil, even when difficult issues arise. If you have children, always present a united front for their sake, and try to set aside petty differences or old wounds for the sake of their wellbeing. Learning to coparent peacefully will be the most emotionally beneficial thing you can do for your kids. Try to go into the divorce with a mindset of compromise rather than wanting to beat your spouse at the negotiations. Avoid badmouthing

How to Communicate with Your Ex After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

If you are still needing to communicate with your ex after divorce, it can take some getting used to. People often have to learn to navigate this if they share custody of children that they now co-parent. It can be hard to remember that you have moved from a romantic relationship to a more business-like partnership. It’s normal to have some awkwardness and false starts at first, but hopefully, you’ll figure out the best way to communicate with one another without rehashing old drama. It’s helpful to find the mode of communication that works best for you. It’s also important to always be respectful, even when you are disagreeing about things. Stay on point and don’t let yourself get side-tracked into old conversations that just re-open wounds. And finally, know when to call it quits and take a break from the conversation. Hopefully, you and your ex are both committed to making your co-parenting relationship a smooth one, and learning to communicate effectively will help that in many ways.

How to Communicate with Your Ex After Divorce: Avoiding Drama

Find the Best Form of Communication

If you will need to communicate with your ex after divorce, it’s best to find the right form of communication. For many, texting isn’t a good idea, at least at first. Because you aren’t able to hear the other person’s tone of voice through text, it can often lead to miscommunications and misunderstandings. If this is the case, consider switching to only phone calls instead. At least until you are a little less emotionally heated around one another.

Be Respectful

It’s also important to remember to always be respectful when you communicate with your ex after divorce. It’s natural to want to bring up old arguments or rehash history. However, if you didn’t agree when you were a couple, chances are you won’t agree now on things. So it’s best to simply move forward and keep things civil. Try to be open minded and listen when your ex talks, even if the things they are saying make you feel emotional. Getting overly heated in situations is likely going to backfire and make them dig in their heels even more solidly.

Stay on Point

While it can be difficult, it’s important to keep things short and direct when you communicate with your ex after divorce. Try not to get side-tracked talking about unrelated things. Instead, treat your relationship like a business interaction. Be direct, polite, and keep it short. Gather your thoughts beforehand so that you know what all you need to talk about, and stay on point.

Know When to Pause

Finally, if you’re talking to your ex, it’s important to know when to walk away from a conversation. If things get heated and you begin to feel emotional about the conversation, take a pause. Don’t let yourself get sucked into a full-blown argument. Your ex knows how to push your buttons better than almost anybody else in the world. If the conversation isn’t leading anywhere productive, say so and end it. Let your ex know that you’ll consider their opinion and you all can talk about it after you sleep on things. Hopefully, that’ll give you both time to cool down and approach the situation from a more neutral perspective.

Having to communicate with your ex after divorce is pretty common if you share custody of children and are becoming co-parents. However, just because it’s normal doesn’t make it easy. For many, there is a steep learning curve. It’s especially difficult to communicate with them while the divorce pain is still fresh. But the idea is that over time, you’ll both be able to have a conversation without getting too heated or emotional. Figure out what form of communication works best for you, and stick to that as much as possible. Try to always remember to be respectful, even when you are disagreeing about things. Keep in mind that your children will thrive the most if they have co-parents that can get along. So try to put aside old pettiness for their sake. Stay on point and keep it short and direct. And finally, if the conversation turns into an argument, hit the pause button to prevent things from getting too heated. Hopefully, you and your ex will be able to navigate through this difficult transitional period and become respectful and cooperative co-parents.