Toxic Marriage: Signs To Watch For

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Ending up in a marriage where you’ve fallen out of love can be tough to grapple with. It can also be hard to tell when exactly this shift has occurred. However, there are some common signs of a toxic marriage you can look out for. That way, you can know when your marriage may no longer be working out…

Toxic Marriage: Common Indicators

No longer friends

One sign of a toxic marriage is when you feel like you aren’t friends with your partner anymore. It’s important for a couple to be friends as well as lover. You should be able to hang out and have fun, just like you would be if you were only friends.

If you find that you can’t do that anymore, though, then it could indicate things have turned toxic. This is especially true if you find yourself feeling awkward of frustrated when hanging out with them. Once you can no longer be friendly, your marriage itself will begin to weaken.

You can’t compromise

Something else which is important for a good marriage is compromising. Being able to compromise with your spouse is important for keeping the peace. As you strike a balance with a compromise, it shows that you and your partner can still work together to find solutions, even if you disagree at first.

Not being able to compromise can be an indication of a toxic marriage. Instead of being able to meet in the middle, you’ll both fight over who is right and who is wrong. This shows that you and your partner don’t respect each other’s feelings or opinions anymore.

You imagine a marriage-free life

A pretty apparent sign that you’re in a toxic marriage is when you’re already envisioning a life outside of it. When you thought about your future before, you probably envisioned being with your spouse. The goals you had planned out were something that you felt you could achieve alongside your spouse, while helping them do the same.

Now, it could be the case that you don’t even think about them being in your plans anymore. Rather, you imagine yourself doing things on your own. At this point, it can be pretty clear that there’s a lack of connection between you and your partner.

How to Overcome Cheating in a Marriage

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Trying to overcome cheating in a marriage is one of the most difficult challenges a couple can face. If you or your partner has been unfaithful, it may take some time to figure out how you’d like to move forward. If you choose to continue your marriage, you’ll need to take time to think things over. Make sure that you give yourself time and space to experience all your feelings. Don’t try to get revenge on your partner as this will only make things more complicated. And finally, seek outside help from a friend or professional counselor. Hopefully, if you choose to move forward with your marriage, you’ll have the tools to make it successful.

How to Overcome Cheating in a Marriage: Moving Forward

Take Some Time to Think

The first step in learning to overcome cheating in a marriage is to take some time to yourself. Give yourself some space to think about your relationship. If you were the cheating spouse, try to identify the reasons that led up to the cheating. Figure out if you’re remorseful about what happened and if you want to move forward. If you’ve been cheated on, really consider if you’d like to move forward with working on your marriage. You need to decide if this will even be possible.

Feel Your Feelings

You also want to give yourself some time to feel all your feelings if you’re trying to overcome cheating in a marriage. For example, you might feel sad, angry, confused, hurt, or any number of emotions. If you’re the one who cheated you may be in shock that it happened, and confused about why you let it happen. Give yourself time to experience all of those emotions before making any major decisions about your relationship.

Don’t Retaliate

Do not take revenge immediately after an affair if you’re wanting to overcome cheating in a marriage. Your first instinct may be to retaliate and hurt your spouse the way you’ve been hurt. For example, you may want to trash talk or tell everybody about what happened. However, you need to remember that your friends and family will have strong feelings about what happened and will most likely try to give you the advice to sway you one way or another. You also won’t ever be able to take back the things you say later. In addition, you may even consider getting back at your spouse by having an affair yourself. However, this complicates matters and probably won’t make you feel less hurt. You’ll just be spreading more hurt and division into your marriage.

Seek Outside Help

The biggest help to overcome cheating in a marriage is to seek outside assistance. A trained therapist can offer couples counseling which can help you and your spouse identify ways to make your marriage stronger. In addition, they can give you ways to communicate more openly. There are plenty of in-person therapists and online therapists available right now that can give you assistance. You can confide in your close friends as well, but be careful who you tell. Close friends and family are often very protective of you and might find it hard to forgive your partner later if you decide to move forward with your marriage.

Trying to overcome cheating in a marriage takes time and dedication. You and your partner both need to be equally focused on moving forward in honesty and open communication. Take time to really think about how you’d like your relationship to move forward. Next, take some time to really experience the emotional roller coaster you’re on. You might be feelings guilt, shame, sadness, anger, and many other things but that is ok. Give yourself time to feel them all. Don’t try to get revenge or you will just make more problems for your marriage. And finally, seek outside help if you’re wanting to move forward in a healthy way. While it can be one of the most difficult times of your life, many couples are stronger in the end by overcoming infidelity.

Losing Love: Marital Woes

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

One of the hardest things that can happen in a relationship is falling out of love. However, losing love is a very real thing, and occurs for many different reasons. Understanding some of the most common ones can help you see why some couples have this happen…

Losing Love: Why It Happens

Lack of communication

Losing love in a marriage can be due to poor communication. Good communication is important for maintaining the bond between you and your partner. If your communication is lacking, then that bond is going to get weaker. Eventually, it’ll get to the point where the love itself becomes lost.

Communication can fall apart for a wide variety of reasons. You may have both had issues talking to one another about things and had constant arguments. Or, it could have been that you didn’t spend enough time talking to one another. Not having that good, balanced communication can turn those positive feelings for one another into negative ones.

Things started off poorly

Losing love can also occur when a marriage starts off poorly and never recovers. A strong foundation in a marriage is crucial for being able to handle tougher times. Lacking that good base will make it much easier for a couple to drift apart and not be able to come back together when things hit a rough patch.

For instance, it could be that a you or your partner had unrealistic expectations for each other. When you or they don’t met these expectations, it can set a negative tone going forwards. It could also be that you rushed into your marriage without giving your relationship time to mature and be certain that marriage was the right call.

Too clingy

Losing love is usually caused by something that makes couples become distant. Yet, being too close can also be another reason. If you’re too clingy of a partner, then it can end up frustrating your spouse. Eventually, things will get to the point where they want distance more than anything else!

It’s good for couples to spend time with one another. Still, it’s also key to have some individual time, or time spent with family and friends. You can’t be too clingy, or expect your partner to only ever want to spend time with you.

How-to Know if You’re Ready For Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

You are at the point that you are questioning your marriage. Perhaps there has been infidelity, lack of trust, abuse or loss of love. Even though all of the signs point to yes, you are still likely questioning whether or not you should get a divorce. Before making the final decision about divorce, there are things you should think about to know if you’re ready for divorce.

How-to Know if You’re Ready For Divorce: Questions to Consider

Do You Have Feelings for Your Partner?

It is very common for people who want to get a divorce still have feelings for their spouse. However, there has been something that has happened that has caused a lack of closeness and intimacy. If you fall into this category, it may be best to try and work things out with your partner. This could prevent you from pulling the trigger if you really are not ready for divorce. Otherwise, you may end up in a situation where you are are feeling a deep loss, and feel worse off than where you were before.

Are You Just Threatening Divorce?

Some people throw out empty threats of divorce when they are mad, or may think or say things they do not mean during an argument. Other times, people can use the threat of divorce to hold power over the other spouse. This is not a healthy way to to act in a relationship. Holding empty threats over someone makes you loose your credibility for the future, plus it is destructive to the relationship.

If you are truly ready for divorce, you need to be able to be at the point that you feel that way over a sustained period of time. You need to be able to truly say that you are ready to close that chapter of your life. You will need to know there is nothing more you can do or give to this relationship. Also, you will need to be able to discuss this with your spouse without blame.

Are You Ready to Handle the Consequences?

There will certainly be negative consequences from divorce. Many people have dreams of a happy family, but sometimes this is not the case. However, divorce brings pain, perhaps even to your children. Keep in mind that it is not worth staying in an unsafe or unhealthy marriage just to prevent other people feeling pain. Just know that if you are ready for divorce, you have to be ready for the consequences that follow.

For example, if you are only wanting a divorce because you are just bored with your spouse, think these following points through. Are you okay with your lifestyle or finances changing? Can you accept your children’s anger and sadness? Can you accept times of insecurity, fear, or the unknown? Are you willing to mentally and emotionally let go of your spouse? While you will waver with your emotions, you need to know that overall, you will be able to answer “yes” to these things to know you are ready for divorce.

My Husband Cheated On Me: Now What?

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
If your husband cheated on you, you might be feeling absolutely lost on how to move forward. An affair can cause a lot of pain, resentment, and anger. Some couples choose to end their marriage, while others decide to move forward. How you proceed is up to you. But the first thing to do is ensure your own safety with a health checkup. Then, it might be helpful to try to get to the bottom of exactly what happened. Decide how you’re feeling about things and what you would like to do. Then, you can discuss options with your partner and move forward together one way or another. Hopefully, you’ll be able to come to a decision that you both agree on and you can heal from the pain of adultery.

My Husband Cheated On Me: Now What? Deciding How to Move Forward

Safety First

If your husband cheated on you, the first step to take is to protect your own health. You don’t know for sure if the person he slept with is healthy. Or whether or not they had unprotected sex. Make an appointment with your doctor for an STD and HIV screening. While nobody likes to think about these possibilities, your health comes first.

Get the Whole Truth

Now that you are taking care of your safety, it’s time to get to the bottom of exactly what happened. Try to find out if it was a one-time thing or a full-fledged affair. Be firm about what the consequences are if he lies again to you by not giving you the full story. Try to get to the bottom of why your husband cheated in the first place.

Decide How You Feel

If your husband cheated on you, it’s normal to feel a whole range of emotions. You don’t have to give him an answer about the future right away. Instead, take some time to process your feelings and decide how you want to move forward. Do you think you’d be able to trust him again? Or do you want to end things? You don’t know what course of action he’ll want to take. But figuring out how you’d like to proceed can at least give you a starting point.

Moving Forward

Once you know how you want to proceed, discuss it with your husband. Hopefully you’ll be on the same page, but you might not be. Sometimes affairs happen because there are deep-seated issues in a marriage. Or maybe your husband cheated because it seemed the marriage was ending naturally anyway. None of these are excuses, but they can help you decide how to move forward. If you both want to end the marriage, hopefully you can proceed with a healthy divorce. If you both are wanting to work on things, marriage counseling can be very helpful. If your husband cheated on you, it can create a loss of trust and a lot of pain. Affairs hurt everybody involved, and can leave lasting scars that you carry into future relationships. Give yourself some time to process your feelings before deciding how you want to move forward. However, prioritize your health by getting checked out by your doctor. Then, try to get to the bottom of the story. After you know the details, you can decide how you’d like to move forward and then discuss it with your partner. Hopefully you’ll be on the same page one way or the other. If you want to work things out, you’ll both have to recommit to your relationship. If you want to break up, the best thing you can do is hire an experienced attorney as soon as possible to make your divorce as quick and painless as possible.

Dealing with a Financially Irresponsible Spouse

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Dealing with a financially irresponsible spouse can be incredibly frustrating, and it could put you and your family at risk. While everybody splurges occasionally, if you are dealing with a partner that consistently abuses your finances, it can cause irrevocable havoc in your life. It’s important to confront the issue head-on and be honest about what’s going on. Try to pinpoint where the actual problem is and focus on fixing it. You might need to take over control of your family finances, at least until your partner can be more trustworthy with money. And finally, in extreme cases, you might need to take further steps to protect yourself like opening your bank accounts. Hopefully, you and your partner can work through any money issues and get things back on track quickly.

Dealing with a Financially Irresponsible Spouse: Protecting Yourself

Be Honest About the Issues

When dealing with a financially irresponsible spouse, it’s important, to be honest and upfront about what’s going on. Sit them down for a discussion about why you feel there is a spending issue. Hopefully, they’ll be honest with you about what’s going on. Seeking help from a marriage counselor or therapist can help make discussions like these go more smoothly.

Try to Pinpoint the Problem

Try to brainstorm together to figure out what the source of trouble is for a financially irresponsible spouse. For example, is it eating out at restaurants, spending on clothes, or impulse purchases? Is it not being able to foresee bills coming up and saving properly? Or is it something more serious like a gambling addiction? Finding the source of the trouble might help you find solutions for fixing it.

Take Control of Finances

If you have a financially irresponsible spouse, it might be time to take control of family finances. However, this doesn’t mean that you have to cut your partner out of decisions. Just make sure that you are the one paying bills, and overseeing spending. Move bills to your name so that you can be sure they are paid on time. Tell your partner when you’re paying for things, and for how much.

Protect Yourself

Finally, you might have to take more drastic measures if your spouse is out of control with their spending. Failing to pay bills on time, or maxing out credit cards can seriously hinder your credit. You might consider getting them a secured credit card, or even opening up bank accounts in your name where you can pay household bills and begin saving. You might love your partner very much, but they could be devastating to you and your children financially. It’s important to take steps to protect yourself and your family if you are living with a financially irresponsible spouse. It might be issued with overspending, failing to save money, or lapsing on bills, but regardless, it can do a lot of damage to your life and credit score. Try to sit your partner down for an honest conversation about finances, and let them know your concerns. See if they can help you find solutions to the issue, or commit to making changes. Consider taking over family finances so that you can ensure bills are paid on time. And finally, you might need to think about opening up your bank accounts, or removing your spouse’s name from bills so that you have more control. Hopefully, the two of you can seek counseling and work through this issue so that you can set and reach financial goals together.

Weathering a Recession Together

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
With the housing market and inflation rates changing so much lately, many couples are wondering if they’ll be weathering a recession together soon. Hopefully, the economy will stay strong, but it’s still important to understand how to get through financial ups and downs without conflict. Throughout a marriage, there will likely be some times when money is tight, and this can often lead to marital fights. Get comfortable talking about finances together so that you can be on the same page. Discuss a budget and think of ways to cut back on spending. Finally, don’t play the blame game, and instead work together towards mutual financial goals. Hopefully, you can weather any financial dips and be stronger for it.

Weathering a Recession Together: How to Overcome Financial Struggles as a Couple

Get Comfy Talking About Money

One of the best things you can do if you’re facing weathering a recession together is to get comfortable talking about money. Whether it’s a national economic crisis or a personal financial dip, you’ll need to be able to communicate effectively. It can be uncomfortable to talk about money at first, but it’s an important part of your marriage. Both spouses should have an overview of their financial health at all times, and both should be involved in financial decision-making.

Make a Budget

Another thing that you can do in advance of weathering a recession together is to make a budget. Knowing exactly how much money is coming in each month vs how much money you’re spending can be very helpful. Try to account for yearly bills like registration renewals and home warranties. Additionally, don’t forget about monthly subscription services, which can add up quickly.

Find Ways to Cut Back

Sit down together and try to think of ways that you can cut back. You might consider limiting the number of meals you eat out or choosing cheaper options. Look for coupons for groceries that are getting more and more expensive. Ask about options for payment plans for large medical bills, and try to buy second-hand when possible. Make sure that you both are cutting back and that it’s not just one partner making sacrifices.

Don’t Place the Blame

Finally, when weathering a recession together, don’t place blame. It’s easy to react to stress and tension by taking it out on your partner. Instead, try to brainstorm together about ways to save and set financial goals. Try to build up an emergency savings account, and then move on to other savings like retirement or travel. Finally, be honest with one another about spending habits, and don’t try to hide debts. Hopefully, the U.S. will avoid any large-scale economic struggles in the coming months, but even so, couples might be weathering a recession together if their finances take a dip. Every marriage has its ups and downs. And that includes financial windfalls and struggles. Money problems can be one of the leading causes of divorce, so try not to let your finances become a source of conflict. Get comfortable talking about money together, and create a budget so you know exactly how much money is coming in and going out. Additionally, try to find ways to cut back on spending where you can, and avoid blaming one another for economic struggles. Hopefully, you’ll be able to bounce back quickly from any financial struggles and be stronger on the other side as a couple.

Talking to Your Children About Separation

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Talking to your children about separation and divorce can be an incredibly painful conversation. For many couples, the fear of discussions like this forces them to stay married far longer than is healthy. The truth is, your children will be happier with parents that can peacefully co-parent than with parents that continue to live together with a toxic relationship. Present a united front and try to talk to them as a team. Choose age-appropriate resources to help you with explaining what’s happening. Reassure them that they’ll get used to these changes quickly and that you love them just the same as always. And finally, give them space to react and ask questions or voice concerns. While it can be difficult to have the conversation, hopefully, it will clear the path for honest communication about the transition they’re facing.

Talking to Your Children About Separation: Reassuring Them

Present a United Front

If you and your spouse are talking to your children about separation, it’s very helpful to present a united front. Sit down with them together and explain the situation without using harmful or blaming language. Don’t air all of your dirty laundries, but instead use simple and easy-to-understand terms. Even when you are apart, don’t trash talk one another in front of your children as it can create confusion and anxiety for them.

Choose Age-Appropriate Resources

Another thing that can be helpful when talking to your children about separation is to use age-appropriate resources. For younger children, there might be picture books or tv shows that focus on the concept of divorce and separation. For older children, they might appreciate having a peer counselor or therapist to speak to about their feelings.

Reassure Them

No matter what, be reassuring when talking to your children about separation. Children often take on a lot of the blame for parents splitting up. So make sure they understand that this was your choice and that you both love them just the same. Even older children can use a little extra reassurance during this transitional period. Additionally, let them know that you’ll all get used to these changes quickly and their lives will feel completely normal soon enough.

Let Them Ask Questions

Finally, after talking to your children about separation, give them plenty of space to process their emotions. They might react with anger, hurt, anxiety, or several other emotions. Give them space to ask any questions they need or voice any concerns. Older children might benefit from having a non-parent adult to talk to. And younger children might show signs of regression like issues with potty training or sleep. All of these reactions are normal, and your children will hopefully adjust quickly. Talking to your children about separation can be difficult, but it’s important to let them know what to expect in the coming weeks and months. Especially if you and your spouse are moving forward with a divorce. Talk to them as a team if you can, and avoid bashing each other or blaming one another in front of them. Use age-appropriate books and resources to help them understand. Be extra reassuring during this transitional stage, even with older children. And finally, give them plenty of time and space to process their reaction to the situation. Hopefully, you’ll all adjust quickly and move forward into the next chapter of your lives with peaceful co-parenting as a goal.

Organize for Your Divorce: Be Prepared

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
It’s a good idea to organize for your divorce before it even starts. A divorce is an intense process. It can take a very long time and involves a lot of paperwork. It’s a good idea to go ahead and start preparing in advance so that you aren’t scrambling to find things later. Get together a list of contacts and documents that you might need. It’s also a good idea to organize your bank accounts and know what is in each of them and who’s names they are in. You should have a list of your assets both personal and marital. And finally, it’s a good idea to go ahead and have a general idea of what kind of childcare schedule might work for you after the divorce is final. Hopefully, being organized at the outset of the divorce can help it be a smoother process for you.

Organize for Your Divorce: Be Prepared Before It Starts

Comprise A List of Contacts

One thing you’ll need when you organize for your divorce is a list of contacts and documents. You will obviously need to find a divorce attorney. But you might also need to speak to a financial advisor and some other professionals. A realtor can give you advice about your living situation. And if you have children, it’s good to get a list of potential childcare providers ready. You will likely have a lot of court appearances and meetings to get to and might need to call in a babysitter periodically.

Organize Documents

The next thing to organize for your divorce is legal documents. Get a folder so that you can keep things separated. You’ll probably want to keep a place for emails with your attorney and your spouse. You might need to show bank statements, bills, loan documents, and others. You might also need copies of things like your marriage license and birth certificate. Find a way to organize all of this so that you don’t get flustered when asked to produce any paperwork.

Organize Finances

You’ll also need to organize your finances when you go to organize for your divorce. You should have a list of bank accounts as well as a list of who controls each and know the rough balances. You should also know all of your various loans, including mortgage info, credit card info, and any student loans. It’s a good idea to make a list of your assets, both your personal and marital assets.

Potential Calendar

Finally, one last thing that you can try to organize for your divorce is your schedule. You might not really know exactly how the child custody arrangement is going to work out. However, you can still get a school calendar and have some idea of which holidays and events you’d like to make sure and be a part of. You can also look at your work calendar and highlight any days that you will be out of pocket. That way you can ensure that you won’t need to be in court during those times. It’s always a good idea to organize your divorce before it even starts. That way you won’t be scrambling to find documents or hire a babysitter spur of the moment. This can just lead to some added stress. And when going through a divorce, extra stress is the last thing you need. Organize your contact list for people you might need to interact with during the divorce. It’s also a good idea to organize your legal documents and finances. And finally, try to plan out your calendar in advance so that you have some idea of what you’d like your custody schedule to look like. Hopefully, getting organized before your divorce even starts will make the whole process smoother and quicker for you.

Splitting Up Household Chores Fairly

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Splitting up household chores fairly can be a huge way to relieve marital stress. Although it might not seem like a big deal, people’s living space has a big impact on their mood. If your house is messy, it can create more anxiety. And if one partner feels like household duties always fall on their shoulders, it can create some resentment. Brainstorm all of the various household needs, and then create a schedule that feels fair to both of you. Hold each other accountable, and don’t shirk your duties. And finally, don’t forget about the mental load. Especially if you have children or other responsibilities. Hopefully, by sharing to make your space more attractive, you can reduce marital stress.

Splitting Up Household Chores Fairly in a Marriage

Create a List of Responsibilities

The first thing to do when splitting up household chores is to make a master list of everything that needs to be done. Include things like cleaning the house, laundry, yard upkeep, and routine maintenance. Then, add to its work like paying bills, organizing the family schedule, or various childcare responsibilities. Try to think of all of the various tasks that need to be accomplished.

Make a Schedule

Now, it’s time to start splitting up household chores. Get out a sheet of paper and begin working out a schedule of when each of you will be responsible for your tasks. If you have certain chores that you hate doing, and chores that you don’t mind, share this with your partner. It might work out that you coordinate perfectly, or you might just have to rotate if you both hate the same tasks.

Hold Each Other Accountable

Don’t shirk your duties if you’ve gone through the trouble of splitting up household chores. It isn’t fair to your partner or the rest of your family. Instead, try to hold each other accountable. Understand that there might be times when one partner needs a break or needs a little help. Try to support each other with gentle reminders instead of nagging. And finally, don’t nitpick the way your partner does their chores. Even if you tackle things differently, as long as the job gets done, there’s no need to criticize.

Don’t Forget About Mental Work

Finally, don’t forget the mental work that goes into keeping up a household. Not only do you need to be splitting up household chores, but also emotional and mental work as well. For example, keeping up with finances, scheduling doctors’ appointments for the family, or coordinating sports schedules. If you have young children you’ll also do a fair bit of homework help, shopping for gifts for holidays, planning vacations, and even things like shopping for clothing in the next size.

Splitting up household chores can go a long way in helping you and your spouse get along better. When it feels like both of you are giving equal effort into maintaining your way of life, you’ll hopefully be a stronger couple. Sit down and make a list of all of the various responsibilities that you have as a family. If you have children, this might include a lot of mental work as well. Then, take time to create a realistic schedule that feels fair to each of you for sharing these responsibilities. After that, it’s just a matter of sticking to your schedule and fulfilling your promises to your partner. Hopefully, you can both give each other the respect you deserve by contributing equally to your household’s happiness and upkeep. And when your children are older, you can include them too!