Family Events: How To Handle Them

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

There’s no real “perfect” time to get a divorce. Most people try to avoid starting a divorce around holidays or birthdays, but a divorce can take some time. That’s why it’s important to know how to handle family events during divorce. That way, you can make these events as successful as possible while still handling your divorce…

Family Events: How To Handle Them

Remember your shared goals

Defining goals and potential concerns is a big aspect of mediation. This is different from defining a position. For example, saying you deserve to keep the house is a position, whereas saying you need housing that’s close to your child’s school is a goal. This similar process can be applied to handling family events during divorce.

Ask your partner what your goals and concerns are for an upcoming event. Most people will see that their goals are usually similar: they want their family or kids to enjoy the event and for everyone to have a good time. Still, you might have some concerns, like about potential arguments. However, once you’ve identified these goals and concerns, you can start making a plan.

Develop your plan

A good plan is key for managing family events during divorce. The more developed your plan is, the better your chances are for the event going smoothly. Try to think about the whole event, from beginning to end, and come up with a plan that is both realistic and enjoyable.

Still, you and your partner might not agree on certain parts of the plan. In these cases, try to consider if what you or they are suggesting is feasible or more difficult. You want to be flexible, but you also have to recognize when things might not work. The best way to handle this is to explain to your spouse any issues you see and why in a clear and calm manner.

Prepare for success

Working with your spouse is one part of making family events during divorce a success. The other part comes down to how you prepare for these events. That means setting yourself up for success well in advance through good self-care measures.
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It’s important to get enough rest and eat enough before going to these events. Divorce can be quite a draining a process. However, being tired or hungry will lessen your ability to enjoy these events. That’s why you should try to get plenty of sleep and have a full stomach beforehand.

First Months Post-Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce can be a difficult time for those who experience it. However, the first months post-divorce can also be pretty hard as well. Still, once that hurdle is cleared, things become much easier. That’s why it’s important to know how to thrive in those first few months…

First Months Post-Divorce: Making Changes

Keep yourself busy

One of the things you’ll want to avoid doing during those first months post-divorce is wallowing and isolating yourself. Now, wallowing is much different from normally feeling sad or upset. Whereas the later will eventually pass and you’ll feel better in the end, wallowing keeps you stuck and from doing anything. Therefore, you’re going to want to avoid this potential stagnation.

It helps to keep yourself busy during these first few months. Try to get started on the things you need to do to get your post-divorce life going. This could include home improvement, working, or exploring new hobbies. It’s okay to have those days where you need to be alone and gather your thoughts. What’s important is being able to pick yourself up the next day and keep going.

Look for support

Another helpful way to survive those first months post-divorce is to look for some support. Now, your friends and family have probably already been a large support group for you. Still, they might not know exactly what you’re dealing with. That’s why specialized support can be handy.

For example, you can look for any divorce support groups you can join. These groups will be filled with people who have dealt with, or are dealing with the same stuff you are. You can also try out counselling too. There, you can learn some strategies of how to deal with and work through the emotions you’re feeling. 

Do what’s best for you

During these first months post-divorce, you’re probably going to hear a lot of people giving their opinions about what you should do. Now, odds are that they mean well, but they ultimately don’t know you like you know yourself. That’s why it’s important to always remember that you should do what’s ultimately the best thing for you.
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For instance, maybe people might start asking you if you’ve thought about dating again. However, that’s really none of their business. Instead, you should only date if and when you feel comfortable enough to do so. After all, your personal happiness is the most important thing, especially after your divorce.

High Conflict Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

While getting a divorce isn’t an easy decision, you’d hope that your spouse can handle it in a professional way. However, this isn’t always the case. Your spouse might react in any number of ways, and this can lead to problems during your divorce. For this reason, we’ve put together some key tips for spotting, and handling, a potentially high conflict divorce.

High Conflict Divorce: Potential Signs

How To Identify a High Conflict Spouse

To have a high conflict divorce, there’ll inevitably be one, or even two, high conflict spouse(s). But how can you tell if your spouse fits the bill? One method of understanding, is to ask yourself a few questions… Are you constantly defending yourself? Do you feel intimidated and afraid of making suggestions?

Am I frightened to have a conversation?

If you answer yes to any of these questions, then you might be facing a high conflict divorce. Afterwards, think about your spouse’s behavior. Are they unwilling to compromise? Do they constantly jump to conclusions, or try to escalate even small disagreements? These are all red flags of a high conflict spouse. Once you identify your spouse as high conflict, the next task will be doing what you can do in these tense situations.

Don’t Take Things Personally

When in a high conflict divorce, you might wonder how you didn’t see this coming, or what you should’ve done differently. However, this kind of thinking is counter-productive and possibly what your spouse wants you to do. If you focus too much on blaming yourself and letting what your spouse says get to you, then they may hope you’ll give up on the divorce or not fight for what you deserve. Remember, your marriage involved your spouse as well, and they also played a role in things not working out. Odds are anything they say to you is just a reflection of what they themselves feel they should’ve done differently.

Don’t Play Their Games

In a high conflict divorce, high conflict spouses gain their power from getting reactions out of you. Their ultimate goal is to get you angry and into arguments with the hope of making you into the “bad guy”. That way, they can flip the divorce onto you and make it seem like you’re the problem, not them. This is why it’s important to not play their games. Say your final words and don’t let them have anything else. They’ll realize soon enough that their tactics aren’t going to work on you.

Divorce takes a lot out of person, and high conflict divorces especially so. However, while it might be more difficult, it certainly isn’t impossible. Remember to keep your cool and you’re spouse will lose any power they think they might’ve had.

Divorce Predictors

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

There aren’t any 100% divorce predictors out there. However, some red flags tend to stand out more than others. These signals tend to often pop up when a divorce is on the horizon. It’s important to know what these signs are, so you can potentially change course…

Divorce Predictors: Spot The Red Flags

Communication breakdown

Communication breakdowns can be one of those divorce predictors that sneaks up on couples. In fact, communication issues can be at the root of nearly all relationship troubles. When a couple has trouble talking to each other, eventually they might find themselves drifting apart past the point of fixing it.

Still, it can be hard to initially notice when this kind of breakdown happens. That’s why it’s important to be proactive. If you notice that you have trouble talking to your spouse, or you feel like they’re ignoring you, then it’s time to take some action. Try to have a serious sit down with your spouse to see where the problems came from, and how you can try to fix them together.

Constant arguing

Constant arguing is another common example of divorce predictors. This also ties in a bit to communication breakdowns. When a couple can’t communicate effectively, it can lead to them getting frustrated and eventually angry at each other. This can turn into constant arguments, and eventually a divorce.

Now, it’s very easy to tell when you and your spouse are constantly arguing. However, it’s not so easy to navigate this situation and find a solution. Firstly, you’ll have to sit down with them and figure out what’s been causing the issues between you both. If it’s something one or both of you have been doing, then be willing to take that critical look at yourself to try and fix it in the future.

Infidelity

Whereas the other divorce predictors may be harder to spot, infidelity is a pretty clear-cut one. For many, infidelity is an immediate point of no return for their marriage. However, there are those who will try to fix things, but with a lot of hard work and trust rebuilding put into it. In this situation, it ultimately comes down to how you feel about trying to fix things.

Angry Ex: Emotional Impact of Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce can stir up a wide range of emotions, and not all of them are pleasant. As a result, having an angry ex isn’t all that uncommon. Still, what do you do when you have to try and co-parent with them? There are a few ways you can try to defuse the tension between you…

Angry Ex: How To Handle Them

Be empathetic

Try to remember that anger is usually a secondary emotion. Odds are, an angry ex is hiding their griefor sadness over what’s happened behind their anger. This can be especially apparent if they weren’t the ones who suggested the divorce. In these cases, your ex can find it harder to adjust to the new post-divorce life.

As a result, this struggle can lead to their anger. That’s why it helps to try and be more empathetic when interacting with them. Try to let them know you understand why they feel how they do, and you don’t want to be their enemy. Instead, you want to work with them to co-parent properly.

Work on communication

Even if you try to be considerate, talking to an angry ex can be difficult. They might always try and shut you down, or quickly escalate things into screaming matches. In these scenarios, it’s important to know how you can properly communicate, even when your ex doesn’t want to.

Try and keep your interactions brief and straight to the point. Don’t try to bring up other topics or get distracted. Instead, keep it focused only on whatever the main thing you need to discuss is. Also, remember to try and use neutral and non-accusatory language, as to avoid blow-ups caused by misunderstanding.

Keep clear boundaries

Sometimes, no matter what you do, an angry ex is just not going to want to talk to you. They might ignore you, yell at you, and refuse to let you get your point across. However, you don’t have to just accept this kind of harassment. Instead, it’s perfectly acceptable to set some clear boundaries.

When your ex starts lashing out, let them know that if they continue, you’ll just leave and wait until they calm down. This lets them know that they can’t just attack you and expect you to allow it without consequence. Plus, if they try to pry out more personal, off-topic information, remind them of your boundaries and use a similar strategy if they don’t get the message.

Post-Divorce Expectation

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce can be a time of extreme pain and change. Because of this, people tend to mentally prepare themselves for what could happen. Mental preparation can be for things like moving, figuring out co-parenting schedules and new jobs. However, there are a few things that surprise people after their divorce. Mental preparations for any post-divorce expectation is great to do but it’s even better if you’re aware of more outcomes.

Post-Divorce Expectation: Being More Aware

Loss of Friends

Often times, going through a divorce is a group effort. For some people, it’s a common post-divorce expectation to rely on their family and friends. However, there are some friends that can’t take the heat. A reason for this is that your divorce is reminding them of the shortcomings of their marriage. For some people, they may not want to deal with anything upsetting. Whatever reason it is, there are some friends that will step up to the plate and others that will back away from it.

If losing friends is something you happen to go through during your divorce, try not to put energy into being upset with those people. There will be friends and family that will pick up their slack. Instead, put your energy into letting the reliable friends and family know that they are appreciated and loved.

Unwanted Opinions

Whoever is involved in your life will, at some time or another, know that you’re going through a divorce. This is a great post-divorce expectation to have in mind. To you, it may feel embarrassing or like an invasion of privacy that everyone around you knows something so personal. Sadly, some people will take advantage of knowing some of personal life. Whether it be friends, family, coworkers or a neighbor, someone may voice their unwanted opinions on your divorce. However, this person isn’t always meaning to be unkind. Even though you did not ask for anyone’s opinion, they may mean it out of the kindness of their heart.

With this in mind, try not to let what anyone says get to you. If you need to, have pre-made responses to whoever gives unwanted opinions. That way, you don’t have to give as much energy to a situation you don’t want to be a part of.

Your Own Strength

Another common post-divorce expectation you may already have is your own strength during this time. You may be thinking how hard emotionally and mentally it will be for you. This may lead you to set up appointmentswith therapists in advance. However, you may have more strength during your divorce than you ever thought you would have. Of course, it’s great to prepare for things ahead of time. Continue doing that! With that in mind, don’t forget to give yourself credit for all that you’ve done and all that you will do.

Mental preparation for what may happen after your divorce is a proactive thing to do. Some post-divorce expectations may be glaringly obvious. However, there are some that may trip you up. Remember, post-divorce expectation is meant to help you so make sure you’re aware of any and all obstacles. That way, you can go through this painful time as best as you possibly can.

Talking Divorce: Breaking the News

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Maybe you and your spouse have tried a lot to solve the problems in your marriage, but it just hasn’t worked. When this happens, and you’re ready for a divorce, you’ll have to tell your spouse. But how do you go about talking divorce? As it turns out, there are some ways to make this hard process a bit easier…

Talking Divorce: How To Tell Your Spouse

Pick the right time and place

Timing and environment are both very important factors when talking divorce. Trying to talk to them right after something stressful or difficult has happened might result in them blowing you off or reacting poorly. Plus, divorce isn’t something you’ll want to talk about in public, or while around family and friends.

Instead, try to find a time where both you and your spouse won’t be busy. Also, make sure you pick a private space where you both feel comfortable. If you have kids, you’ll want to make sure they’re out of the house before you talk about anything. It might also help to keep your phones on silent, as to not get distracted.

Pick your approach

Once you have the when and where down, you’ll need to figure out howyou’ll go about talking divorce. Tone and word choice are very important for having this conversation go as smoothly as possible. If you come off as angry, vindictive, or putting all the blame onto them, they’ll probably get very upset very quickly.

Instead, try being gentle, but firm. Let them know in a neutral or sympathetic tone that you’re sad too, but things just aren’t working. However, be firm in the fact that you want to divorce. That way, you ensure they get the message while not feeling directly attacked.

Prepare for their response

Despite the steps you’ll take for making talking divorce a bit smoother, you still have to be prepared for your spouse’s reaction. Their reaction could go a number of ways. They could get angry, begin blaming you, or very upset. However, it’s important to make sure you respond properly.

A good strategy, similar to the gentle but firm one, is to remain sympathetic, but still state you want a divorce. Tell them that you understand how they feel, and you’re sad about things too. However, let them also know you think divorce is the best course of action. This lets them know you aren’t doing this to be mean, but because things aren’t good for either of you.

Divorce Coach: Emotional Support Through Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

With how difficult divorce can be, you might want to look for some extra help. One useful resource may be a divorce coach. A coach can really help you develop some strategies for tackling your divorce and its challenges…

Divorce Coach: How They Can Help

Plan out your path

It’s not to uncommon for people to feel aimless during their divorce. They might not know where to start, or what they need to do. All of this can quickly get overwhelming, and make things all the more difficult. However, a divorce coach can help you plan out each step and make your divorce a bit more easier.

Plus, a coach doesn’t only have to help you with the divorce itself. They can also help you make some post-divorce life plans as well. That way, not only can you figure out the steps for your divorce, but you can also have those first post-divorce life steps figured out too. That peace of mind can really help you mentally during your divorce.

Talking to your ex

Depending on your divorce situation, you might not be able to simply not talk to your ex anymore. For example, if you and your ex have kids, then you’ll probably have to learn to communicate as co-parents. However, this presents its own set of issues. A divorce coach can help you overcome these issues and make talking to one another easier.

Coaches can help you figure out where you both might have some common ground. Then, from there you can both work together on developing a parenting plan. Of course, this might cause some tensions, especially if your divorce wasn’t so smooth. Still, a coach can also help you figure out what to do when things go sideways.

Manage your emotions

Divorce makes plenty of people’s emotions run a little high. Of course, this can be difficult to deal with. More often than not, these emotions can really make it hard to get through your divorce in a good head-space. That’s where a divorce coach can certainly come in handy.

A coach can help you figure out your emotions, and get a better handle on them. This is especially invaluable for when you have to talk to your ex, or have to handle other divorce matters. Having your emotions well under control can ensure you make the right decisions at the right times.

Diagnosing Domestic Abuse

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

There are many different reasons to pursue a divorce. Maybe your spouse cheated, you’re just not happy, or maybe, you’re a victim of domestic abuse. Diagnosing domestic abuse in your own relationship can be difficult, which is why it can often be much easier for the people around you to see the signs, and make you aware of them. For this reason, we want to shed some light on domestic abuse. Whether you’re the victim yourself, or are concerned that someone close to you is, it’s important to know the signs— and bring them to their attention.

Diagnosing Domestic Abuse: Supporting Loved Ones 

When it is emotional…

You might feel like it’s normal to be afraid of your partner, or anxious to bring certain things up. However, these hesitations are not normal behavior for a couple. Fear of any kind has no place in a relationship that is healthy, thriving, and happy.

If you find that your partner bullies you in any capacity, controls, threatens, or tries to embarrass you— this is a surefire sign of domestic abuse. One of the largest misconceptions about abuse is that it’s always something you can see. Sometimes, abuse is purely emotional— which makes it more difficult to diagnose, especially from the outside looking in.

When it is physical…

While not all abuse is physical, much of it is. If your partner is 1) leaving you places because you’ve upset them, 2) embarrassing you in front your loved ones or strangers, 3) physically assaults you, or anything of the like— you’re dealing with domestic abuse.

Domestic abuse can come in all forms. From emotional abuse, physical abuse, and even sexual abuse. One common misconception that people have, is that when you’re in a relationship— sex is warranted at any point in time. However, you are not required to be intimate with your significant other merely because you are together.

Diagnosing domestic abuse can be difficult…

After all, no one wants to think that the person they love most is capable of hurting them in such a way. Furthermore, the people you love don’t want to consider this either. However, domestic abuse is quite common amongst couples of all age groups. If you think that you, or someone you love, is experiencing some form of domestic abuse— find a way to address it. Whether you go to someone for help, or attempt to get your loved one alone to discuss. The key is to address the situation, separate the dangerous person, and go from there to further distance the relationship.
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We wish you luck in this difficult time, and offer our condolences for the pain and suffering you’re enduring. Furthermore, we also offer our services if you find that you may need them.

Short-Term Marriage & Divorce: How It Differs

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

No one goes into a marriage expecting to get a divorce. However, unfortunately, divorce does happen, and sometimes it can happen quickly. You might think that a divorce would be easier if you’re married for a short time. However, these kinds of divorces also brings about their own set of problems. As a result of these problems, there are a few things to be aware of when getting a divorce after a short-term marriage…

Short-Term Marriage & Divorce 

Acknowledge Your Emotions

Just because you’re getting a divorce after a short-term marriage, doesn’t mean it won’t hurt just as bad. In fact, it can be even more difficult as you face people who might try to say “I told you so”. Negative anecdotes can make this already painful process even more difficult. The truth is, everyone experiences the emotions of a divorce in a different way, and the length of a marriage doesn’t define the pain you feel. It’s important that you take the time to understand and accept the emotions you’re feeling. Consider finding a good support group, or going to a therapist, which can help you deal with your emotions and mentally prepare for the divorce.

Take Stock of What You Have

Getting a divorce after a short term-marriage generally means you and your spouse had less time to accumulate property together. However, in any case, the court considers marital and non-marital property in a divorce. Non-marital property can be tricky, especially in a short-term marriage. The rule of thumb typically goes like this: non-marital property, such as a home or business, can become marital property if that property is used to support the family, make profit together, or so forth. When non-marital property becomes something that both marital properties work on together in any way, it can become marital property.

However, in some cases, it can go to one side or the other. When it comes to property and asset division, your attorney will be an asset to the team.

Make Preparations for the Future

While your divorce is ongoing, that doesn’t mean that your life is on pause. It’s important to make sure you prepare fully for your life post-divorce. This might mean finding a new place to live if you are not taking on the family home. Furthermore, it can even mean getting a new job if you have to relocate a considerable distance.

Keep in mind that, with getting a divorce after a short-term marriage, some courts will usually not award alimony. Depending on your situation, they may only award a small amount. Every case is different. Due to the difficulty these changes can bring, you should prepare in advance.

Getting a divorce can be a rough time mentally and financially, no matter the length of the marriage. Not to mention, apart from the hardship of divorce proceedings, it can be heartbreaking for your marriage to fail. But, that’s not to say you can’t handle it, and rise from the occasion. We wish you luck in your divorce, offer our condolences for this difficult time, and urge you to seek out an attorney.