Changing Names Post-Divorce: Considerations

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

After going through a divorce, you may feel the need to usher in change. Many people re-decorate, find new hobbies, change their hairstyle, and some women change their last name. The decision to go back to your maiden name can be a tough one because it is so permanent. While there are plenty of benefits to changing names, there are also some cons.

Changing Names Post-Divorce: What to Consider 

When Changing Names Means Changing Identity

One of the cons to changing names is that it disrupts your identity. Depending on the relationship, you may have spent many years with your spouse’s last name. In that case, any degrees you earn during that time will be with your spouse’s name. Also, fellow colleagues will come to know you by that name and may refer to you as such. If you have any business ties, they will also be under your married name…

Therefore, your sense of identity in your everyday community may rely on the name of your spouse. If you’ve spent many years with that name, your own identity may be firm in it as well. Perhaps changing your identity may be exactly what you’re looking for. In that case, changing names may be the best decision for you.

Being Different From Your Children

Another aspect to consider when changing names is how it will affect your children. If you have kids from your marriage, changing names may not only separate you from your ex, but from your children as well. Therefore, it may be a good idea to consider if having the same last name is important to you. Also, you may want to ask your kids and see how they feel. If they are old enough to understand, it may bother them to have a different last name than one of their parents. 

Changing Names Means You Have to Take Your Maiden Name

While changing names after divorce may seem like a great way to start over, it’s important to remember that it also means you have to take your maiden name. So, it’s not so much starting over as it is just going back. For many people, going by their maiden name may be just as troublesome as sticking with their ex’s. Therefore, before you decide to go with a name change, make sure you feel better about taking your own back. 

In short, there are a lot of factors to consider before changing your name. While you may be looking for a way to start over, make sure this is the start you want. It’s best to consider your identity, your children’s feelings, and your maiden name before making drastic changes.

Home Improvement Post-Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Life post-divorce can be a tough time for anyone. Adjusting to the new changes in your life is difficult to do, and you might find yourself in a slump. However, post-divorce home improvement might be what you need to make your house and yourself feel whole again…

Home Improvement Post-Divorce: Redefining Your Space 

Start to declutter

Before you start your post-divorce home improvement, you’ll want to declutter first. This will allow you to start clearing out space for your new decoration plans. Also, it gives you a chance to get rid of any items that remind you of your ex, helping make the place feel more like its yours. Even if you’re not ready to get rid of everything just yet, try and keep it tucked away. Out of sight, out of mind is very true in this case.

Find your style

When you’re living with someone, you’ll have to find a home style you both can agree on. However, post-divorce home improvement means you get to find your own personal style. Each style has their own features which can inspire and make your home space feel more complete. As you search for a style, you’ll also learn a bit more about yourself.

Positive paint choices

Your home has a large impact on your own state of mind. Choosing the right paint colors is an important part of your post-divorce home improvement. Colors can have a large impact on your emotions, so you’ll want to pick colors that promote happiness and creativity. The right colors can completely change the atmosphere in your home for the better.

Focal point favorites

Now that you have the freedom of choice, you no longer need to use your ex’s furniture or other pieces as focal points in your rooms. Instead of keeping the chair your ex picked out, why not go for a more modern couch instead? Why still sleep in the same bed you shared with your partner when you can get one tailored for your preferences? Find the pieces that you like to make your house more complete.

Divorce is a major life-changing experience. However, that doesn’t mean there can’t be positive changes as well. Taking the steps to reinvent your home can also lead to you reinventing yourself as well.

Divorce Communication: Successful Separation

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce can be a time of high-running emotions and stress. Sometimes, this can make effective divorce communication difficult for people. Knowing the right way to talk to your ex is a key part of a smooth divorce process…​
Divorce Communication: Keep it Healthy

Be straightforward

A common divorce communication problem is not being clear about what is going on. Sometimes, people might dance around discussing matters like finances or co-parenting. This could be due to them not wanting to create tension or conflict with their ex. However, this ends up doing the exact opposite.

Not being direct about what you think can lead to your ex getting aggravated and your divorce going nowhere. Instead, you should let your ex know what you’re thinking and why. That way, you can make some progress in your divorce.

Don’t shut out your ex

Proper divorce communication is a two-way street. You should also be willing to listen to what your ex says. Dominating the divorce discussion will only make your ex not want to discuss things to find solutions.

Instead, let your ex know that they should be open as well. Don’t interrupt your ex when they’re speaking either. A lot of potential arguments can be avoided by letting someone finish what they’re saying! Once your ex feels like they can be heard, your communication will quickly improve.

Don’t be rude

Being polite seems like a no-brainier, but it’s something that many divorcing couples don’t do. All of the emotions that a divorce brings can make couples lash out at each other instead of talk normally. This is especially apparent if the divorce wasn’t a mutual decision. 

However, a little politeness goes a long way. You should avoid making snarky comments about your ex or what their thinking. Even if you disagree, it’s better to explain why you do than shut them down. If your ex is being rude to you, it’s always best to take the high road. Not playing their games will give you the upper hand in the negotiations.

Healthy divorce communication is a crucial part of any smooth divorce. Practicing these communication tips can help you and your ex get through your divorce and onto the next chapter of your lives quickly and painlessly.

Handling Jealous Exes

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Almost everyone has had a jealous ex who sticks around much longer than necessary. Maybe they cause problems for your next relationship. They might just linger around in your hang outs. Handling jealous exes doesn’t have to be difficult.

Handling Jealous Exes: Quick Tips

Communicate with your Ex

Telling your ex that what they do makes you uncomfortable will bring it to their attention. They might not realize what they are doing. If they do notice, they might think you’re into their constant presence. Communicating is a calm way to start handling these scenarios. You can also make sure you let them know the impact they are having on your life.

Communicate with your Friends

After a relationship ends, some friends will want to stay neutral and continue being friends with both parties. This is fine, but is counterproductive for you when handling jealous exes. Tell your friends that you’re trying to distance yourself from your ex-partner. They will understand!

Avoid the Problem

Contrary to most advice, avoiding the problem may be what you need. When it comes to handling jealous exes, simply staying out of their line of vision helps. After the post-break up blues calm down for you and your ex, returning to your normal routine should be no problem.

Stay Off Social Media

Social media is great for keeping up to date on local events and seeing what your friends are up to. However, social media is not great for handling jealous exes. Anything you post, like, or share can be seen by anyone, including your ex. Keeping your brunch pictures and thoughts about the weather to yourself for a while will be less for your ex to bring up.

Keep New Relationships Low Key

While it’s wonderful that you’re in a new, happy relationship, keep that quiet. The last thing you need is for your new partner to feel the wrath of your ex. Be honest with your new partner about your ex, but your former spouse doesn’t have to be their problem, too. 
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Every situation is bound to be different. If handling jealous exes is something you’re familiar with, you know which way works best. However, if your jealous ex-partner is threatening you or causing you discomfort, please seek help. This could be considered domestic violence and it is very serious. ​

Divorcing Parents: Children Considerations

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

The one question that all divorcing parents will have to think about is “how will this affect my children?” Children, especially younger ones, will struggle to understand the complications of divorce. Meanwhile, the parents will struggle to figure out what’s best for their children. However, it’s definitely possible to get a divorce and have your children grow up happy and healthy, as long as you keep in mind some important considerations.

Divorcing Parents: Children Considerations

The end of a marriage, but not a Family​

One thing that divorcing parents have to keep in mind is that, while their marriage is over, you are still co-parents. Even if things ended on bad terms, you have a responsibility to your children to be good, cooperative parents. You both might see each other as individuals now, but your children will still see you as their parents who they want there at birthdays, sports games, holidays, etc.

You shouldn’t neglect your child’s well being merely because things went south in your marriage. Typically, as a married family, we see marriage and family as one in the same. However, being married, and being parents, are two separate entities.

Don’t Play Tug-Of-War

Children can feel uncomfortable during a divorce, especially when the topic of custody comes up. They might feel like they have to “pick a side” and this can turn into resentment down the line. That’s why it’s generally recommended that divorcing parents work out a shared custody agreement. Choosing shared custody will allow your child to spend time with both you and your ex, giving them a balanced parental relationship.

However, it’s also important to make sure you and your ex can be flexible and work together rather than against each other.Try to be flexible about schedule changes; you wouldn’t want to give your children the impression that they’re “unwanted”. Also, don’t badmouth your ex when you’re around your children. This is unfair to your children and gives them a skewed perception of someone they look up to.

Use Professional Resources

If you and your ex are worried about your children, then it might be worth it to consider professional help. A family therapist, or counselor, can provide you with tips in terms of how to best help your children understand this difficult time. They can also help your children understand and explain to you what they’re feeling as well. The better you understand what your children feel, the better equipped you’ll be to help them.

During this time of divorce, it’s crucial that your kids don’t feel like you’re leaving them too. Showing them support and affection can help them adjust to the new way things will be. You and your ex will both want whats best for them, so its important to work towards that together.

Abusive Relationship: Making Changes

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

An abusive relationship can take a toll on every aspect of your life. From other relationships, self-confidence, your sense of safety, your mental health… There isn’t a single portion of your life that abuse doesn’t touch. For this reason, even when you’re finally out of an abusive situation, it can be hard to heal. You’re mentally exhausted, embarrassed, alone, and facing the negative impact of your ex partner. So, how do you start healing? And what can you do to better your situation and find yourself again?

Abusive Relationship: Healing and Moving Forward

The first step towards healing after an abusive relationship, is coming to terms with the trauma. Whether the abuse was physical, mental, or a combination of both— you have a lot to overcome. Maybe they never hit you, but they publicly embarrassed you, called you names, made you insecure, kept you from the people you loved…

When you are finally able to remove yourself from the situation, you can begin to understand what things were happening that you didn’t process as abuse. You did not deserve what you are going through. This is not how a relationship is supposed to work, and that is not what you should expect of a partner in the future.

Speak with a professional

While we all like to think we can take care of ourselves, some situations are more difficult than others. Especially when you’re spending months, or even years, being told that you aren’t good enough, amongst other things. A therapist can help you process those emotions you’re feeling, and begin to heal after an abusive relationship.

Completely cut the abuser out of your life

When you’ve been with someone for a long time, no matter if they were hurting you or not, it can be difficult to cut them out of your life. Therefore, having photos around, access to their social media, and things that remind you of them— can be detrimental to your healing. Cut out your exposure, begin seeing a professional, and spend time with the people who are there to help you through this difficult time.

Focus on your health

Develop healthy routines to replace your old ones. Begin your day with exercise, breakfast, work, reading, yoga… Whatever helps you heal, find yourself, an escape the memories and feelings you might associate with your abusive relationship. Healthy eating and exercise is a great place to start in improving your health and mental state.

Social Media Management: Avoid Divorce Issues

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

These days, social media is a great tool for keeping in contact with others and having a place to speak your mind. During a divorce, however, you have to be mindful about what exactly you’re posting. Posting the wrong thing can lead to potential repercussions down the line. To help avoid this happening to you, here are some tips for social media management…

Social Media Management: Watch Your Content

Don’t Start Public Fights

One key aspect about social media management that many people forget is to avoid speaking ill about their spouses. These can be posts directly, or even indirectly, referring to your spouses. These kinds of posts should be avoided, because of how they can come back to bite you in the courtroom.

Your spouse can use these types of posts as evidence for why you shouldn’t be granted things like custody, or alimony. If you’re on the receiving end of a post like this, make sure to take the high road. Screenshot the posts and let your lawyer deal with them during the proceedings. If you feel the need to vent, it’s best to do so to a counselor or close friend rather than online.

Consider What Your Friends Post

Something else to consider when trying social media management is what your friends might post on their pages. You might have been focusing on a well-kept and respectable social media presence, but your friends might not. Consider what kind of content your friends usually post on their pages.

For example, if they tend to post a lot of pictures, be careful about allowing them to post ones with you in them. Your spouse could use pictures of you from parties, or a night at the bar against you in court. A good policy to use is allowing your friends to post anything you’d be fine with your family seeing.

Avoid Your Ex’s Pages

It can be tempting when using social media during divorce to check on your ex’s pages. Maybe you’re curious on how they’re moving on or handling things compared to you. However, all you’ll be doing is making it harder for yourself to begin moving on. If you allow yourself to become consumed with what your ex is doing, then your not giving yourself the time to process how you feel. If something important happens involving your ex that requires your attention, odds are they or someone else will let you know.

Social media is a great tool for connecting with people. However, it can turn into your worst enemy if used improperly. When using social media management, make sure to keep an eye on what you or others are posting to avoid future headaches down the road.

Extra Income: Single Parent Pluses

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

After a divorce, newly-single parents may seem to be facing financial hardships they are not used to facing. Because of the difference in income (a dual income home becoming a single income home), it is understandable why parents would need an extra income. Here are some ways you can generate an extra income as a single parent.

Extra Income: Ideas for Single Parents

Writing

Writing is a great idea for an extra income. Because content writing is growing in popularity for a multitude of websites, writing on the side can become a lucrative and easy addition to your income. You can do it on your own time and write as little or as much as you want.

Pet Sitting

There is an art to pet sitting that not everyone has, but it certainly is an extra income that is easy to make. You can start by making small flyers for your neighborhood or simply by word of mouth. Pet sitting can vary from daily walks to over-night, long term stays. You decide what you are comfortable doing and what works best with your schedule. Additionally, the therapy from hanging out with a dog for a little while will boost your mood!

Online Selling

With the growing popularity of online marketplaces, it is easier than ever to sell unused or unwanted items online. You can declutter and earn some cash at the same time! This extra income will require a small amount of time and planning: you’ll have to coordinate with others to meet up.

Tax Preparation

While it is past tax season for this year, you can get your license and prepare for next year’s season. Tax season is busy since literally everyone has to file by a certain date. This form of extra income is seasonal, but worth it if you don’t mind the extra hours.

Part Time Jobs

​While it may seem like a commitment, a part time job will be an extra income that could also bring other benefits. Some stores give a discount for employees that could also help your family. If you get a 10% discount on food and other necessities, you’re not only earning an extra few dollars, but saving them, too!

Traveling Post-Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Many people like to take trips or vacations after their divorce is over. These trips can help them clear their heads and relax after such a stressful time. However, it’s important to make sure you stay safe while traveling post-divorce. There are some different ways in which you can make sure you both enjoy yourself and stay protected…

Traveling Post-Divorce: Staying Safe

Do some research

Before you do any traveling post-divorce, it’s a good idea to do some research. An area that you might’ve considered safe before might not be so safe now. Or, it could be the other way around. That’s why it’s a good idea to do some research on any places you’re thinking about traveling to, both domestically and abroad.

However, make sure to do some good digging when doing this research. Don’t just look up one article and go off of that alone. Instead, search around for several articles, statistics, and other people’s personal experiences. For example, a good tool tool to use for international travel is the Department of State’s travel advisory website.

Stay in-touch with others

Another important tip for traveling post-divorce is staying in touch with others. It’s a good idea to let your friends and family know where you’re going, how long you’ll be there for, and what your plans are. That way, they’ll know where you are just in case something happens.

Your cell phone is a great tool for staying safe. Not only can you get in touch with friends and family, you can also use it to get in touch with other resources like the local authorities. It’s a good idea to check in with your cell carrier to let them know you’ll be traveling and to allow any foreign charges. Also, brush up on the important emergency numbers if you’re travelling abroad.

Keep the valuables separated

Items like your wallet, phone, and passport are crucial for traveling post-divorce. Therefore, you’re going to want to keep them safe. It’s a good idea to make use of hotel safes, for instance, so these items aren’t just left out in the open.
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Another good idea is to spread these items out. For example, keep one credit card on you, another back in your room, and some cash in a bag. That way, if you lose your wallet, you won’t be completely without any money.

Financial Mistakes

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

When you get a divorce, a lot of things become new. You’re learning how to cook for one less person and you’re tackling weekend projects solo. It’s usually not a problem adapting to things post-divorce, but is everything that easy? Financial mistakes happen often after divorce. Because of the new situation, many are not prepared. Below, we’ll discuss the most common financial mistakes those new to divorce make.

Financial Mistakes During Divorce

Equal Division of Property

Sometimes it is not as easy as simply cutting it down the middle. When dividing up assets, make sure you keep in mind the residual values and not just current market values. Common financial mistakes often include divisions of property because of their complexity.

For example, you and your ex spouse may own two properties that have a $200,000 value. One is the family home and the other is a rental property. Each spouse getting one of those homes would not be equal because the rental property will continue to generate income. Remember these aspects when dividing property and other money-generating assets.

Expenses

Expenses can hit a newly single person like a ton of bricks. Don’t let your expenses be one of your post-divorce financial mistakes! Take the time to understand how much you make each month, after taxes. After figuring this out, create a budget and stick to it. After you’ve adjusted to a single income, start planning for the future. Remember that most expenses grow, not lessen, as time goes on.

Child Support Reliance

Relying on child support means relying on your former spouse to make money. If you have concerns about their finances, make sure you avoid the financial mistakes associated with child support. Take the necessary actions to secure this piece of income. 

​Additionally, the court will allow you to request disability or life insurance for your ex. Doing so will insure that you are financially secure should a catastrophe happen. Keep in mind that people can cancel a policy at any time. If you are worried about this happening, you can request a court order for your ex-spouse to make the appropriate payments.