Divorcing During Pregnancy: Avoiding Stress

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Getting married and bringing children into the world should be some of the happiest times in a person’s life. However, things don’t always go according to plan. Sometimes, the unexpected becomes your reality. In the event that you’re divorcing during pregnancy, you’ll have a lot on your plate.

Now, instead of just facing divorce, you’re also trying to reduce stress for your unborn child. Often times, it can be difficult to figure out where to start, and how to go about this in the most stress-free way possible…

Divorcing During Pregnancy: Achieving a Stress-Free Separation

Understand the Law

​The first thing you need to do in any divorce, is to understand what the law says. Every state is a little bit different, and will change your options by some degree. So, make sure you’re reading the right laws for your state.

Furthermore, speaking with an attorney can make this process a lot easier, and removes that ‘legalese’ language. Some states even hinder your options when it comes to divorcing during pregnancy, and will make you wait, or just file for a separation. Understanding your options makes it easier to plan accordingly.

Talk to Your Spouse

With most divorcing couples, communication is a pretty big issue. But, it’s a pretty large part of the process, especially when it comes to divorcing during pregnancy. You’ll need to discuss both parent’s intention when it comes to custody arrangements, and how involved they hope to be. Unfortunately, even before your child is born, you’ll want to begin discussing visitation and support agreements. 

Taking these steps will ensure you can have these all handled in the initial divorce agreement. If not, then it can be a costly and difficult process to go back to court to get orders for them. It might be hard, but doing these things now makes it easier on you and your spouse in the long run.

Build Your Support Group

Before your child is even born, you know that you will be a single parent. This wasn’t your plan from the beginning, which can make this fact all the more jarring and frightening. Having a support group is important to help deal with the feelings of isolation and stress that are natural to any parent, but especially a single one. Don’t be afraid to reach out to friends and family for support.

Odds are, they’ll be more than happy to help you. You can also look for single parent support groups. Not only do these groups offer great programs to help you adjust, they are also full of people who know exactly what you are going through. Knowing that you don’t have to face this challenge alone can help make this difficult time a little bit easier to handle.

There’s no denying that this is a difficult, frightening, and stressful time for many reasons…

But, there are steps you can take to be more informed, supported, and ready to divorce during pregnancy. Furthermore, getting prepared to move into single parenthood and co-parenting. Taking cues from these tips here can help make this stressful process a doable one for both you and your baby’s sake.

Child Communication During Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Child communication can be difficult during a divorce, as most children tend to clam up. From your end, it might’ve been hard enough bringing up the divorce to them. So how do you offer support to them when they seemingly don’t want to talk? As it turns out, there are some key ways in which you can help give that extra support…

Child Communication: Offering Support

Be willing to talk

An important part of good child communication is to let them know you’re willing to talk. For many kids, they tend to think that you’ll be dealing with a lot already. As a result, they don’t think that their own feelings are important. That’s why it’s important to make them feel comfortable sharing by being willing to talk to them.

A good way to do this is to be open about your own emotions in an age-appropriate way. For example, you could tell them that you feel a bit sad too, but you know things will be alright, and then ask them how they’re feeling too. That way, they’ll feel reassured that things will be okay, and that you’re interested in how they feel.

Listen to them

Another important part of good child communication is listening to what they have to say. It’s one thing to get your child comfortable enough to open up to you. However, if they feel like you’re not really listening to them, then they might stop doing so in the future. That’s why you have really give them and their feelings the attention they deserve. 

Remember that you might not be able to come up with a simple, instant fix for how they feel. Buying them things might give them a short-term feeling of joy, but it won’t help them in the long-term. Instead, let them know that their feelings are valid and that you’ll both work though things together.

Know the difference between being and acting happy

Just because a child might be acting happy doesn’t mean they truly are. They might just be putting on a happy face because that’s what they think you’ll want to see. 

​A good way to see if this is the case is to talk to your ex about how they are around them. If they’re more sad or open when they’re with your ex, then you’ll want to work on your child communication techniques with them to allow for them to open up to you too.

Long Distance Co-Parenting

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

When parents separate, it generally means the children will soon have two homes. Two places to call home, two homes to create memories, and two places to call their safe space. Sometimes, however, these two homes are far away from each other. When it comes to long distance co-parenting, the distance can be fifty miles or five hundred. However, it still feels like the other parent is on the other side of the world for the child. Long distance co-parenting isn’t a bad thing, it shows effort and dedication on both parts.

Long Distance Co-Parenting

Be Active

If you are the parent that the child lives with most of the time, make sure you send their other parent quick text and photo updates of the child. It’s an easy and quick way to keep the long-distance parent involved in day to day activities.

If you are the other half of the long distance co-parenting situation, you can be active in sending texts or quick phone calls just to let the child know they’re being thought of. By sharing in small daily texts, it’s also important to maintain cordial relationships with your former spouse.

Stay Up to Date

Long distance co-parenting requires a little more effort when it comes to keeping up with your child. Sports, extracurriculars, and other activities are important to children.

Keeping an open line of communication between both parents for matters that regard the child is important. This makes sure no parent feels left out. Keeping up with these aspects of life from afar show there is an investment in the child, even at a distance.

Be Creative

Let’s be honest, it’s hard to keep photos of an ex-spouse in your home. It’s important to keep a few, however, to create a family environment for your kids. In situations of long distance co-parenting, a few family pictures throughout the house will help during visits or moments of missing the long distance parent.

Make Time

Creating a specific time to FaceTime or Skype with your child is so important. Creating a plan and making it a routine creates something for you and your child to look forward to. It can be daily or weekly. This allows for visual time when texts and phone calls are the norm in your long distance co-parenting reality.

​During visits at the long-distance home, use that scheduled time to video chat with the other parent. It will create a balance and still allow some quality time with both parents for the child.

Post-Divorce Financials: Making Progress

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce doesn’t just take a toll on your emotions. It can also be pretty draining financially as well. Often times, it’s hard for people to adjust to their post-divorce financials. However, it is possible to begin thriving again after your divorce…

Post-Divorce Financials: Survive and Thrive

Make a budget

Budgeting is an important part of your post-divorce financials. After all, you might find yourself with lesser cash flow after your divorce. Going from a dual-income to a single income household will mean you’ll have to make some changes.

It helps to create a spreadsheet and measure out your expenses versus your income. Then you can see what you can cut back on if you need to save some money. Sticking to a budget will help you avoid spending money on things you don’t really need in the long run.

Adjust your routine

Making slight changes to your routine can actually have a large impact on your post-divorce financials. You might be used to a certain way of doing things before your divorce. However, it might be wise to make some changes afterwards to save you some money.

For example, lets say you usually get a coffee in the morning from a coffee shop that costs $4. Making your own coffee at home instead could send up saving you about $30 a week, and up to $125 a month! Having that extra bit of money saved can really help you get your finances together after a divorce. Try to find the things in your routine that you can temporarily go without to save that extra bit of money.

Invest in your future

A person’s earnings can take quite a hit after a divorce. For example, women can have their earnings lowered by up to 37%! That’s why it’s important for your post-divorce financials that you plan ahead for your future.
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You might want to think about ways you can expand or increase your career opportunities. This could mean getting new certifications or taking some higher education. Many community colleges offer more affordable options than their university counterparts.

Getting a better grasp over your post-divorce financials can actually be quite empowering. You can take direct action in reestablishing your post-divorce life one day at a time with a good budget and a good plan for the future.

Changing Names Post-Divorce: Considerations

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

After going through a divorce, you may feel the need to usher in change. Many people re-decorate, find new hobbies, change their hairstyle, and some women change their last name. The decision to go back to your maiden name can be a tough one because it is so permanent. While there are plenty of benefits to changing names, there are also some cons.

Changing Names Post-Divorce: What to Consider 

When Changing Names Means Changing Identity

One of the cons to changing names is that it disrupts your identity. Depending on the relationship, you may have spent many years with your spouse’s last name. In that case, any degrees you earn during that time will be with your spouse’s name. Also, fellow colleagues will come to know you by that name and may refer to you as such. If you have any business ties, they will also be under your married name…

Therefore, your sense of identity in your everyday community may rely on the name of your spouse. If you’ve spent many years with that name, your own identity may be firm in it as well. Perhaps changing your identity may be exactly what you’re looking for. In that case, changing names may be the best decision for you.

Being Different From Your Children

Another aspect to consider when changing names is how it will affect your children. If you have kids from your marriage, changing names may not only separate you from your ex, but from your children as well. Therefore, it may be a good idea to consider if having the same last name is important to you. Also, you may want to ask your kids and see how they feel. If they are old enough to understand, it may bother them to have a different last name than one of their parents. 

Changing Names Means You Have to Take Your Maiden Name

While changing names after divorce may seem like a great way to start over, it’s important to remember that it also means you have to take your maiden name. So, it’s not so much starting over as it is just going back. For many people, going by their maiden name may be just as troublesome as sticking with their ex’s. Therefore, before you decide to go with a name change, make sure you feel better about taking your own back. 

In short, there are a lot of factors to consider before changing your name. While you may be looking for a way to start over, make sure this is the start you want. It’s best to consider your identity, your children’s feelings, and your maiden name before making drastic changes.

Home Improvement Post-Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Life post-divorce can be a tough time for anyone. Adjusting to the new changes in your life is difficult to do, and you might find yourself in a slump. However, post-divorce home improvement might be what you need to make your house and yourself feel whole again…

Home Improvement Post-Divorce: Redefining Your Space 

Start to declutter

Before you start your post-divorce home improvement, you’ll want to declutter first. This will allow you to start clearing out space for your new decoration plans. Also, it gives you a chance to get rid of any items that remind you of your ex, helping make the place feel more like its yours. Even if you’re not ready to get rid of everything just yet, try and keep it tucked away. Out of sight, out of mind is very true in this case.

Find your style

When you’re living with someone, you’ll have to find a home style you both can agree on. However, post-divorce home improvement means you get to find your own personal style. Each style has their own features which can inspire and make your home space feel more complete. As you search for a style, you’ll also learn a bit more about yourself.

Positive paint choices

Your home has a large impact on your own state of mind. Choosing the right paint colors is an important part of your post-divorce home improvement. Colors can have a large impact on your emotions, so you’ll want to pick colors that promote happiness and creativity. The right colors can completely change the atmosphere in your home for the better.

Focal point favorites

Now that you have the freedom of choice, you no longer need to use your ex’s furniture or other pieces as focal points in your rooms. Instead of keeping the chair your ex picked out, why not go for a more modern couch instead? Why still sleep in the same bed you shared with your partner when you can get one tailored for your preferences? Find the pieces that you like to make your house more complete.

Divorce is a major life-changing experience. However, that doesn’t mean there can’t be positive changes as well. Taking the steps to reinvent your home can also lead to you reinventing yourself as well.

Divorce Communication: Successful Separation

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce can be a time of high-running emotions and stress. Sometimes, this can make effective divorce communication difficult for people. Knowing the right way to talk to your ex is a key part of a smooth divorce process…​
Divorce Communication: Keep it Healthy

Be straightforward

A common divorce communication problem is not being clear about what is going on. Sometimes, people might dance around discussing matters like finances or co-parenting. This could be due to them not wanting to create tension or conflict with their ex. However, this ends up doing the exact opposite.

Not being direct about what you think can lead to your ex getting aggravated and your divorce going nowhere. Instead, you should let your ex know what you’re thinking and why. That way, you can make some progress in your divorce.

Don’t shut out your ex

Proper divorce communication is a two-way street. You should also be willing to listen to what your ex says. Dominating the divorce discussion will only make your ex not want to discuss things to find solutions.

Instead, let your ex know that they should be open as well. Don’t interrupt your ex when they’re speaking either. A lot of potential arguments can be avoided by letting someone finish what they’re saying! Once your ex feels like they can be heard, your communication will quickly improve.

Don’t be rude

Being polite seems like a no-brainier, but it’s something that many divorcing couples don’t do. All of the emotions that a divorce brings can make couples lash out at each other instead of talk normally. This is especially apparent if the divorce wasn’t a mutual decision. 

However, a little politeness goes a long way. You should avoid making snarky comments about your ex or what their thinking. Even if you disagree, it’s better to explain why you do than shut them down. If your ex is being rude to you, it’s always best to take the high road. Not playing their games will give you the upper hand in the negotiations.

Healthy divorce communication is a crucial part of any smooth divorce. Practicing these communication tips can help you and your ex get through your divorce and onto the next chapter of your lives quickly and painlessly.

Handling Jealous Exes

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Almost everyone has had a jealous ex who sticks around much longer than necessary. Maybe they cause problems for your next relationship. They might just linger around in your hang outs. Handling jealous exes doesn’t have to be difficult.

Handling Jealous Exes: Quick Tips

Communicate with your Ex

Telling your ex that what they do makes you uncomfortable will bring it to their attention. They might not realize what they are doing. If they do notice, they might think you’re into their constant presence. Communicating is a calm way to start handling these scenarios. You can also make sure you let them know the impact they are having on your life.

Communicate with your Friends

After a relationship ends, some friends will want to stay neutral and continue being friends with both parties. This is fine, but is counterproductive for you when handling jealous exes. Tell your friends that you’re trying to distance yourself from your ex-partner. They will understand!

Avoid the Problem

Contrary to most advice, avoiding the problem may be what you need. When it comes to handling jealous exes, simply staying out of their line of vision helps. After the post-break up blues calm down for you and your ex, returning to your normal routine should be no problem.

Stay Off Social Media

Social media is great for keeping up to date on local events and seeing what your friends are up to. However, social media is not great for handling jealous exes. Anything you post, like, or share can be seen by anyone, including your ex. Keeping your brunch pictures and thoughts about the weather to yourself for a while will be less for your ex to bring up.

Keep New Relationships Low Key

While it’s wonderful that you’re in a new, happy relationship, keep that quiet. The last thing you need is for your new partner to feel the wrath of your ex. Be honest with your new partner about your ex, but your former spouse doesn’t have to be their problem, too. 
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Every situation is bound to be different. If handling jealous exes is something you’re familiar with, you know which way works best. However, if your jealous ex-partner is threatening you or causing you discomfort, please seek help. This could be considered domestic violence and it is very serious. ​

Divorcing Parents: Children Considerations

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

The one question that all divorcing parents will have to think about is “how will this affect my children?” Children, especially younger ones, will struggle to understand the complications of divorce. Meanwhile, the parents will struggle to figure out what’s best for their children. However, it’s definitely possible to get a divorce and have your children grow up happy and healthy, as long as you keep in mind some important considerations.

Divorcing Parents: Children Considerations

The end of a marriage, but not a Family​

One thing that divorcing parents have to keep in mind is that, while their marriage is over, you are still co-parents. Even if things ended on bad terms, you have a responsibility to your children to be good, cooperative parents. You both might see each other as individuals now, but your children will still see you as their parents who they want there at birthdays, sports games, holidays, etc.

You shouldn’t neglect your child’s well being merely because things went south in your marriage. Typically, as a married family, we see marriage and family as one in the same. However, being married, and being parents, are two separate entities.

Don’t Play Tug-Of-War

Children can feel uncomfortable during a divorce, especially when the topic of custody comes up. They might feel like they have to “pick a side” and this can turn into resentment down the line. That’s why it’s generally recommended that divorcing parents work out a shared custody agreement. Choosing shared custody will allow your child to spend time with both you and your ex, giving them a balanced parental relationship.

However, it’s also important to make sure you and your ex can be flexible and work together rather than against each other.Try to be flexible about schedule changes; you wouldn’t want to give your children the impression that they’re “unwanted”. Also, don’t badmouth your ex when you’re around your children. This is unfair to your children and gives them a skewed perception of someone they look up to.

Use Professional Resources

If you and your ex are worried about your children, then it might be worth it to consider professional help. A family therapist, or counselor, can provide you with tips in terms of how to best help your children understand this difficult time. They can also help your children understand and explain to you what they’re feeling as well. The better you understand what your children feel, the better equipped you’ll be to help them.

During this time of divorce, it’s crucial that your kids don’t feel like you’re leaving them too. Showing them support and affection can help them adjust to the new way things will be. You and your ex will both want whats best for them, so its important to work towards that together.

Abusive Relationship: Making Changes

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

An abusive relationship can take a toll on every aspect of your life. From other relationships, self-confidence, your sense of safety, your mental health… There isn’t a single portion of your life that abuse doesn’t touch. For this reason, even when you’re finally out of an abusive situation, it can be hard to heal. You’re mentally exhausted, embarrassed, alone, and facing the negative impact of your ex partner. So, how do you start healing? And what can you do to better your situation and find yourself again?

Abusive Relationship: Healing and Moving Forward

The first step towards healing after an abusive relationship, is coming to terms with the trauma. Whether the abuse was physical, mental, or a combination of both— you have a lot to overcome. Maybe they never hit you, but they publicly embarrassed you, called you names, made you insecure, kept you from the people you loved…

When you are finally able to remove yourself from the situation, you can begin to understand what things were happening that you didn’t process as abuse. You did not deserve what you are going through. This is not how a relationship is supposed to work, and that is not what you should expect of a partner in the future.

Speak with a professional

While we all like to think we can take care of ourselves, some situations are more difficult than others. Especially when you’re spending months, or even years, being told that you aren’t good enough, amongst other things. A therapist can help you process those emotions you’re feeling, and begin to heal after an abusive relationship.

Completely cut the abuser out of your life

When you’ve been with someone for a long time, no matter if they were hurting you or not, it can be difficult to cut them out of your life. Therefore, having photos around, access to their social media, and things that remind you of them— can be detrimental to your healing. Cut out your exposure, begin seeing a professional, and spend time with the people who are there to help you through this difficult time.

Focus on your health

Develop healthy routines to replace your old ones. Begin your day with exercise, breakfast, work, reading, yoga… Whatever helps you heal, find yourself, an escape the memories and feelings you might associate with your abusive relationship. Healthy eating and exercise is a great place to start in improving your health and mental state.