Affording Adoption: Finding the Funds

Affording adoption can be a tricky situation for many families. There is no way around it: adoption is expensive. However, there are plenty of different things to look into if you are trying to figure out how to raise the money for adoption. It’s best to start by figuring out your total costs. Then you can try getting creative with fundraising. You can also investigate bank loans to see if financing is possible. And finally, look into tax credits and grants for the public to help offset adoption costs. Hopefully, you can find a way to raise the money needed. Adoption is a beautiful way to add to your family and forever change the life of a child and yourself.

Affording Adoption: Finding the Funds to Complete Your Family

Figure Out Your Up Front Costs

The best place to start when looking into affording adoption is to figure out how much it will cost in the end. Your chosen adoption agency will be a good place to start to figure out how much money you’ll need. Don’t forget to budget the cost of travel if you will be traveling to meet your child. You’ll also need to include adoption fees, attorney fees, and the costs of providing the supplies you’ll need for your child.

Fundraising

Affording adoption can also be easier if you try fundraising. There are plenty of creative options to try and raise some money. You can go to your local church to see if they have any programs to help offset adoption costs. You can also try traditional fundraising methods, like starting a GoFundMe page, bake sale, car wash, or garage sales. Many couples begin an adoption blog.

Loans

Affording adoption can also be easier if you apply for a loan. Many banks have options available to help couples afford the steep costs of adoption. Some adoption agencies have financing options as well. You can try taking out a personal loan. In addition, if you own your own house and have equity in it, you might be able to borrow against it using a line of credit.

Grants and Tax Credits

Finally, affording adoption is easier when you look into grants and tax credits. Many federal and national non-profits have grant programs for adoption costs. The IRS also offers a tax credit for adoption. Some jobs will include some benefits for employees looking to adopt.

Affording adoption can be a source of stress for many couples. However, there are many options available to help with the steep costs. The first step is to figure out the total anticipated costs of the adoption process. Don’t forget the costs to the adoption agency, attorney, traveling, outfitting your home, and the general cost of raising a child. You can try fundraising for the money and setting up a GoFundMe or blog to keep friends and family in the loop. Ask your bank about potential loans to help finance the adoption. And finally, look into federal grants and tax credits to help offset the costs. Hopefully, you’ll be able to figure out how to raise the money to bring the newest member of your family home.

Supporting a Friend Through A Divorce

Supporting a friend through a divorce is one of the kindest things you can do to help them. This is likely one of the most stressful things they will go through. It helps to have a friend by your side the whole way. Be a good listener and do more listening and less talking. Your friend might need a shoulder to cry on. They might also need somebody to vent their frustration to, but try not to engage in trash talk. In addition, help them with the day-to-day necessities. Sometimes, just picking up groceries, taking the dog for a walk, or babysitting is the best help you can give. And finally, include them in your plans. They likely will be feeling lonely sometimes, so it’s nice to invite them out. They’ll be very glad to have such a good friend by their side.

Supporting a Friend Through A Divorce: How to Be Helpful

Be a Good Listener

Supporting a friend through a divorce is often a lot about listening. Try to do more listening without chiming in too much. Talking out loud is a great way for them to sort through their feelings about the divorce. Try to let them experience a wide range of emotions without judging or trying to change their mind.

Don’t Engage in Trash Talk

Another thing you can do when supporting a friend through a divorce is to avoid engaging in trash talking. They might feel the need to vent their frustrations to you. They might have a lot of bitterness, resentment, and anger. They might even cycle frequently between anger and sadness, or any other spectrum of feelings. While it’s fine to listen to what they say about their ex, try not to engage.

Help With the Day to Day

Supporting a friend through divorce often means helping them with day-to-day activities. They are suddenly handling everything on their own and their schedule is likely very different. They might need you to help them with the logistical side of things. For example, you could take their dog for a walk, or do some dishes while you’re there. Or do a quick clean-up, help them organize bills, or cook a meal. And of course, if they are now parenting solo, childcare is a great help.

Include Them

Finally, when supporting a friend through a divorce, it’s nice to include them in your plans. They will be facing holidays that look very different than they used to. For example, they might be splitting custody with their ex. In this case, they might be missing their children during the holidays. Try to remember to include them in your plans. Invite them to dinner, over for a movie night, or just reach out for a coffee. While it might seem awkward to invite somebody to your Christmas dinner or an anniversary celebration, it can be very helpful for them. Supporting a friend through a divorce is one of the most helpful things you can do. It’s hard watching a friend go through the stress of divorce. However, knowing they have you there by their side will be a great help. Try to be a good listener when they need to vent their frustration. However, avoid engaging in trash talk. It never does anybody good, and it could come back to bite you. Help them with day-to-day tasks that they might get overwhelmed by. You can do small things around the house to help, or take on some childcare. And finally, include them in your plans so that they aren’t lonely. Your company will be a great distraction for them. Hopefully, it will be an easy transition for them. But it will be much easier with you helping them through it.

How-to Help Kids Understand Divorce: Difficult

Every child is going to react differently when learning that their parents are getting a divorce. Of course, the age that a child is at will determine their understanding of what is going on. In some families, the children may be very aware of what is going on. In other instances, the parents may hide all of their disagreements from their kids. While every situation will be different, there are a few tips that can help kids understand divorce.

How-to Help Kids Understand Divorce: Preparing for the Talk

Planning For It

The best way to help kids understand divorce is to talk about it. Part of how a child will react will be based on how the parents tell their children that they are getting a divorce. Parents should put thought and consideration into how, when, and where they break the news to their children. It may be helpful to have the entire family meet together as a family so that the parents can answer the children’s questions. In this type of setting, there will be less opportunity for parents to blame the other for the divorce. Make sure to plan a family meeting to have this big conversation. Go ahead and think through and plan out what is going to be said at this meeting. Parents should do their best to stay calm during this conversation. It will be best to plan to have a follow-up meeting to answer any further questions and address concerns.

Things to Say

Children often find divorce hard to understand. To help kids understand divorce, keep the initial conversation to the basics. Otherwise, it could get very overwhelming and confusing. The most important thing is for kids to know that their basic needs are still going to be met. They will also want reassurance that they will be able to continue a relationship with both parents if that is possible. Kids may not understand that a divorce is final, so that is something parents need to discuss so that kids do not have false hopes. It is easy for children to think that it is their fault that their parents are getting a divorce. Parents need to reassure kids that this is not their fault.

Listen

To help kids understand divorce, it is important to listen to their questions and concerns. Children will have worries about how their life will change, and parents need to be mindful of that. By listening to kids’ concerns and questions will show that the parents care. Parents should not be alarmed if they have to answer questions and give reassurance many times during this process. Also, parents should ask children about their fears and concerns, so that the parents show the kids that they care. It also shows kids that it is okay to be open about those feelings. Telling kids about divorce is never easy. There are ways to help kids understand divorce. Once they understand it, it will help the transition process to hopefully be a bit smoother.

Ease Your Child’s Anxiety About Divorce

Your child’s anxiety about divorce might make you feel guilty, but remember that you’re making the best decision for them in the end. They should grow up with functional co-parents than constantly fighting married parents. Know some common ways that children show anxiety and be on the lookout. Remember that calendar, repetition, and routine are your friends. Talk it out with your children and be a sounding board for them when they have questions. And finally, reassure them constantly and give them time to adjust. This is a new lifestyle for them too, so it can take some getting used to. Kids are resilient though and typically adjust to new changes fairly quickly.

Ease Your Child’s Anxiety About Divorce: Help Through the Difficult Time

Signs of Anxiety

If you want to ease your child’s anxiety about divorce, it’s important to be able to recognize it first. Children show anxiety in many different ways and a lot depends on their age and personality. However, some classic signs of anxiety would be an increase in moodiness or if they get upset easily. Some children show more aggressive behavior than usual. And others regress with things like potty training or sleep. If you see any of these signs, it might indicate that your child is feeling some stress over the divorce.

Routine

Children thrive on routines. Your child’s anxiety about divorce likely stems from the change to their schedule and lifestyle. If you and your ex can keep your routines consistent no matter which house the children are in, it will help your kids. Try to keep their wake-up times, bedtimes, mealtimes, and activities the same throughout the divorce process and afterward. Having a routine that they can count on gives children a sense of confidence and security.

Talk it Out

Another important thing to help ease your child’s anxiety about divorce is to talk it out with them. Make sure that you are always open and honest with them if they have questions about the divorce. Some children want to talk and some get quiet. However, they must know they can come to you with any questions or problems.

Reassure Them

Finally, your child’s anxiety about divorce might stem from a feeling of guilt. Many children begin to think that a divorce is their fault even if there’s no reason to think this. Constantly reassure them that the divorce had nothing to do with them. Also, make sure to reassure them all the time about how much they are loved. Even older children need to hear this more often when they are going through a stressful time. Your child’s anxiety about divorce is perfectly normal and expected. Almost all children react in some way to the stress of their parents splitting up. However, children typically bounce back very quickly and get used to a new routine. Be on the lookout for classic signs of anxiety-like moodiness or regressions. Keep their routine as similar as possible so that they can depend on their schedule. Make sure that your children know they can always talk to you about the divorce. And finally, reassure them constantly about how much you love them and that the divorce is not their fault. And remember, you are making the best decision for them in the long run because you will hopefully be happier post-divorce, which is the best thing for kids to see.

Adoption Home Study Tips and Advice

The adoption home study is an important step of the adoption process. A home study occurs when a representative from your adoption agency comes to your house. They’ll see if you can provide a safe and loving environment for a child. The most important thing to remember is to relax and just be yourself. Prepare legal documents ahead of time so that everything is ready to go. Prepare your home for the home study by cleaning, baby proofing, and acquiring some child essentials. And finally, prepare yourself mentally for the home study. Hopefully, your home study will go great and you’ll be well on your way to adopting your future child.

Adoption Home Study Tips and Advice to Get Through the Process

Relax

The most important thing to remember before the adoption home study is to relax. The agent is not there to try to find faults with you. They don’t want to ding you out of the program at all. The adoption agent wants to help you prepare for your child in any way possible. Don’t work yourself up into a frenzy, just try to relax and answer their questions honestly.

Prepare Documents

Another good idea before the adoption home study is to prepare your legal documents. You’ll likely need to show all kinds of legal documents throughout your adoption, so it’s best to keep them all together. Have your birth certificates, marriage license, working pay stubs, financial documents, and employer letters handy. This way you won’t need to waste time looking for them.

Prepare Your Home

It’s also, of course, important to prepare your home for your adoption home study. This isn’t about cleaning everything. While your home should be tidy, that’s not really what the agency is looking for. They’re more interested to see what sort of space you have for your potential child, how you plan to childproof, and how you’ll incorporate them into your life. It’s not a bad idea to go ahead and knock out the child-proofing, as well as some of the essentials you’ll need when your child comes to live with you.

Prepare Mentally

Finally, you’ll need to prepare mentally for the adoption home study. Many people psyche themselves out and get incredibly nervous in the lead-up to the meeting. However, it’s important to keep yourself calm so that you can answer their questions truthfully and sincerely. Be yourself and show them what you have to offer as a parent. Know how you’ll answer questions about why you are choosing adoption and what makes you a great parent. The adoption home study is incredibly important during the adoption process. Prepare yourself in advance so that you aren’t scrambling at the last minute when your agent shows up at your door. Gather your legal documents ahead of time so you can quickly find them when needed. Prepare your home by cleaning it and getting it ready for a child. Prepare yourself mentally by thinking about how you’ll answer potential questions. And finally, and most importantly, relax! The goal of the home study is to make sure you are creating a loving environment for a child, not to find faults with you. You’ll do great in your home study if you are just yourself and show them how great of a parent you will be.

What Happens During Marriage Counseling?

Many people wonder what happens during marriage counseling. If you and your partner are thinking about going to a counselor, you might want to know what you can expect to learn. Of course, everything depends on the couple and the therapist. However, there are a few things that you will likely learn with almost any counselor. One of these is communication. You’ll probably also cover some conflict resolution. Many counselors give you real tools for dealing with difficult life stages. They also might encourage you to keep coming throughout your marriage. And finally, it’s also important to know that marriage counseling is not a place for venting. It’s a place to come together and learn to be in a healthier marriage. Hopefully, you’ll learn valuable tools to help make your marriage as strong as possible.

What Happens During Marriage Counseling? What to Expect to Learn

Communication

Everybody knows that good communication is the basis of any healthy marriage. However, it often takes marriage counseling for couples to understand how to do it. People communicate differently than each other. You and your partner might have very different styles. Things can get lost in translation if this is the case. Or blown out of proportion. A therapist can help you figure out how to better communicate with each other. And also how to better listen to each other. Not just the words you use but the hidden meaning behind them that is based on your particular style of communication.

Conflict-Resolution

Another important tool that you will hopefully learn in marriage counseling is conflict resolution. Just like communication, people also fight differently. One partner might want to talk about issues whereas the other wants to ignore them. Learning to address your problems healthily and respectfully is key. But it can also be hard to learn. A marriage counselor might be able to smooth things over since they will be able to see both sides of a conflict.

Advice for Difficult Life Stages

Marriage counseling should also provide you with tools for handling tough life stages. Many people recommend marriage counseling when your relationship is struggling. But it’s also helpful to go when it’s healthy. If you are going through a tough life stage, a counselor can be very helpful. Transition periods, adultery, or dealing with grief are examples of life stages that they can help you through. Hopefully, they’ll give you some tools for healthily channeling your emotions and communicating them with your partner. They will also likely encourage you to come back if anything comes up in your marriage that you feel you need help navigating.

Not a Venting Session

Finally, while it’s important to know what a counseling session involves, it’s also important to know what a counseling session doesn’t involve. And that is ranting. A counseling session is not a place to vent all your frustrations with your spouse and expect a counselor to side with you. Or expect them to only address your partner’s issues. You might feel that the problems are one-sided. But likely, a counselor will help you to see that there is usually fault on both sides. And also usually room for improvement on both sides. Marriage counseling is a valuable tool for any healthy relationship. While each therapist and couple are different, your sessions should include some of the same ideas. For example, communication is likely to be a hot topic. You’ll also probably work on conflict resolution. Many counselors give you advice for tough life stages. They’ll probably also ask you to come back periodically to check in. And finally, it’s good to know in advance that this is not a place to rant. A counselor is more interested in helping you grow than hearing complaints. Hopefully, they’ll help you learn to trust one another and open up more. Marriage counseling can give you the tools to help you work together to make and keep your relationship as strong as possible.

The Emotional Stages of Divorce

The emotional stages of divorce are slightly different for everybody and can take different amounts of time for everyone. However, many divorcees report having similar overall patterns to their emotional response to divorce. If you are not the partner proposing the divorce, there might be a lot of initial shock. Many then move to a stage of denial where it’s difficult to accept that this is happening. After that, many people go through conflicting emotions like anger and grief. And finally, you’ll eventually reach a stage of letting go and moving on. This is where the healing process begins. Hopefully, you can healthily address your emotions and get the support you need to handle the emotional stress of divorce.

The Emotional Stages of Divorce: Going Through the Process

Shock

The emotional stages of divorce can begin with a big shock if you aren’t the one that decided to pursue the divorce. Oftentimes divorce is a mutual agreement, but sometimes that’s not the case. If your partner decided to spring a divorce on you, you might be in a lot of shock. Perhaps you wanted to work on the relationship before taking such a drastic step. Hopefully, your initial shock will wear off before too long.

Denial

Many people going through the emotional stages of divorce can bring a moment of denial. This might also be a stage where there is bargaining and trying to mend the relationship. However, even if you both have decided together to move forward with the divorce, there is still often some denial. It’s difficult to accept that your marriage is over.

Conflicting Emotions

The next in the emotional stages of divorce is conflicting emotions. This can be very different for everybody. Many people cycle between feeling resentful, angry, hurt, and sad about their divorce. It’s normal to feel a lot of conflicting emotions. You might be missing your partner in one moment and wanting to think about reconciling, and then furious at them the next. This stage can take the longest, but you must go at your own pace.

Letting Go

Finally, the last of the emotional stages of divorce is the letting go stage. This is where you finally accept the divorce and begin to move on from it. Often this is when people begin imagining what the next stage of life will be like. While this stage doesn’t mean that you’ve healed entirely, it just means that you have accepted the divorce and are no longer fighting it. Divorce is incredibly stressful, and everybody experiences it in their way. The emotional stages of divorce that you go through might look different than your ex or somebody else you know. It’s perfectly normal to go back and forth with lots of emotions. You’ll likely start with some shock and denial that the divorce is happening. Then many people feel conflicting emotions for a long time before finally letting go. Hopefully, you can begin to see your divorce as a beautiful opportunity to create a new chapter in your life. Just make sure that you take some time to emotionally heal from the stress of the divorce process before you jump back into the dating pool.

Hidden Signs of Physical Abuse

There are many hidden signs of physical abuse to look for in case you are worried a friend is in a troubled relationship. They may not be comfortable opening up to you about what is going on. However, if you sense that something is off with them, you can look for these signs. New changes in clothing style might be harmless but could also signal a desire to cover up more. In addition, if they are suddenly unavailable or seem anxious to make meet-ups quickly it can be a red flag. Sudden personality changes can signal a lot of things, but abuse can often lead to this. And finally, unexplained injuries or vague chronic pain can be an indication of abuse. If you notice any of these signs in a friend or loved one, it might be worth investigating further and offering your support if they need help.

Hidden Signs of Physical Abuse: What to Notice

New Changes in Clothing Style

One of the subtle signs of physical abuse is a sudden change in clothing style. Often abusers prefer their partners to cover up and dress conservatively in public. If your usually flamboyant and brightly dressed friend is suddenly covered up in baggy and bleak clothing, it might be a sign that all is not well. In addition, if they are wearing long sleeves or turtlenecks when the temperature is too hot for that type of clothing, it might be that they are covering up bruises.

Suddenly Not Available

Another sign of physical abuse is that your friend is suddenly not available to hang out very much. Oftentimes abusers want to keep their partners close by and feel threatened if they have close friends. Your friend might suddenly not be available to hang out or give vague reasons for why they can’t. They also might seem anxious when you do hang out and act like they’re eager to leave. This could be a sign that their partner is controlling.

Sudden Changes in Personality

Sudden personality changes are signs of physical abuse but also signs of many other things. A friend in an abusive relationship might suddenly be more quiet than usual, develop anxiety, depression, or even get very defensive. They might not want to talk about their partner or get overly angry if you question the relationship at all. Of course, many other factors can cause a personality change.

Unexplained Injuries

Finally, unexplained injuries are one of the less subtle signs of physical abuse. If your friend or loved one has many bruises, cuts, grip marks, or other injuries, you need to investigate. Oftentimes, victims of abuse will give very vague answers as to where the injuries are coming from. Or they might use the same excuse several times. If something feels off, trust your gut. Dig deeper with them to find out the source of the injuries. The signs of physical abuse are often hard to spot, as abusers are very good at hurting their partners in places that can be covered up. However, if you have a detailed eye, you might be able to spot some warning signs in a friend or loved one. Of course, none of these signs are evidence of abuse all on their own. Rather, it’s the combination of several of these warning signs that might make you question things. For example, your friend might have suddenly changed their clothing style, or you might detect changes in their personality. If they suddenly seem unavailable or anxious to get home when you hang out, it might be a red flag. And of course, you should investigate further if you notice visible injuries. Hopefully, your friend or loved one will feel comfortable confiding in you and you can get them the help they need.

Dating After a Divorce: Pitfalls to Avoid

Dating after a divorce can seem a little overwhelming at first, but you’ll get more comfortable with it as time goes on. When you first get your divorce finalized, it’s important to take plenty of time before jumping back into the dating world. You need to make sure that you are ready for it emotionally. It’s also important to pace yourself with a new relationship and take things slowly. Don’t ignore red flags if they come up in the relationship. And finally, avoid trash-talking your ex or even talking too much about them at all. It’s best just to focus on the new relationship! Hopefully, you can meet somebody new that is a great fit for you and you can begin a beautiful relationship together.

Dating After a Divorce: Pitfalls to Avoid When Getting Back into the Dating Pool

Jumping In Before You’re Ready

One of the common pitfalls to watch out for when dating after a divorce is jumping in before you’re ready. You need to make sure that you’ve fully healed from the stress of your divorce. It can take time to heal and to get back into the correct mindset for dating somebody new. Don’t rush things, take as much time as you need. You need to be in a clear headspace and ready to open yourself up to somebody new.

Moving Too Quickly

Another issue to avoid when dating after a divorce is moving too quickly with a new relationship. It’s important to take things slow. Make sure that you feel totally comfortable with your new partner before getting intimate with them. If they try to pressure you to move more quickly than you feel comfortable with, leave. A respectful partner won’t pressure you.

Ignoring Red Flags

Ignoring red flags is another pitfall to watch out for when dating after a divorce. Some people feel like they need to find somebody new quickly. So they’ll settle for a partner that maybe doesn’t really fit their needs. Or maybe even a partner that has red flags. Take your time and get to know somebody before getting serious. If they have any red flags like being overly controlling, disrespectful, or unhinged, get out early.

Trash Talking the Ex

Finally, one very common mistake that a lot of people make when dating after a divorce is trash-talking the ex. Even just talking about them too much can be a turn-off. Your new partner doesn’t want to hear all the dirt on your ex. It makes you come off as sounding petty and resentful. Try to focus on your new partner instead. If you’d like to share that you’re divorced, that’s perfectly fine, but don’t revolve the entire date around your divorce stress or your ex. Dating after a divorce can be intimidating at first, but it’s an important stage in the healing process. Some people are thrilled at the finalization of their divorce while others grieve. But divorce can be a great reason to get a fresh start in life. Find somebody new that is a better fit for you and build a life together. Just make sure that you’ve taken plenty of time to process your emotions from the divorce. In addition, take things slowly with your new partner. This will give you plenty of time to spot potential red flags. Don’t ignore these if you see them. And finally, don’t talk too much about your ex, but instead focus on learning things about your new partner. Hopefully, you can find somebody that is a perfect fit for you!

Deep Breathing Exercises for Divorce Stress

Deep breathing exercises are just one way to help relieve divorce stress. You could also go for a massage, take a walk, call a friend, or practice some yoga. However, if you are feeling anxious or overwhelmed, deep breathing is a quick and easy way to gain some control back. It forces you to focus on your body, rather than your stress. The 4-7-8 Breathing technique is a tried and true method for slowing down your breathing to a calming pace. Alternating your nostrils is a good distraction from other stress. Progressive Relaxation is a whole-body de-stressing experience. And Lion’s Breath is an unusual but effective way to relieve some pent-up anxiety. Hopefully, you can practice some deep breathing and other calming techniques to help you manage the stress of a divorce.

Deep Breathing Exercises for Divorce Stress: Learn to Calm Yourself Down

4-7-8 Breathing

4-7-8 Breathing is one of the most popular deep breathing exercises for stress relief. Shallow breathing causes your body to increase in stress levels. Taking deep, calming breaths forces your body to naturally calm down and can lower the acute stress hormone levels. Breathe in deeply for 4 counts. Then, hold your breath for 7. Then, exhale slowly for 8 counts. Repeat until you feel calmer.

Alternate Nostril Breathing

Another of the quick and easy deep breathing exercises you can try for divorce stress is alternate nostril breathing. To do this, find a comfortable seated position. Use your hand to plug your right nostril. Breathe deeply through your left nostril. Then, switch your fingers to plug your left nostril and breathe out slowly through your right. Continue alternating back and forth.

Progressive Relaxation

Progressive relaxation is one of the deep breathing exercises that also involves some meditation or focused thinking. It’s best to do this in a very comfortable seated position, or even better, lying down. Breathe deeply from your belly and concentrate on your toes. Focus on releasing all tension in every muscle of your toes. Then work up to your ankles, your lower legs, your knees, etc. Work your way up to your facial muscles and then back down to your toes. Hopefully, this will allow you to relax and relieve any acute anxiety or panic.

Lion’s Breath

Finally, Lion’s Breath is one of the deep breathing techniques that you might want to do in the privacy of your house. To do this, spread your fingers as wide as possible and breathe in through your nose. Open your mouth as wide as you can and stick out your tongue and stretch it towards your chin. Exhale forcefully, while making a loud HA sound from deep in your belly. Breathe normally, and then repeat up to seven times. While none of these deep breathing exercises can completely make the stress of divorce go away, some can relieve some acute anxiety. If you are feeling panicky, or your mind is racing you can try these. The benefit of deep breathing is that it forces you to concentrate on something other than your thoughts for a moment. Deep breathing exercises can also help you fall asleep at night if you are having trouble with this. Try 4-7-8 breathing anytime you need to take a few moments to yourself to get your thoughts together. You can also try alternate nostril breathing to calm down. Progressive relaxation can help relax your entire body. And finally, Lion’s Breath can help you relieve some pent-up anxiety. Hopefully, you can use some of these techniques to help you relieve some of the stress from your divorce.