Divorce Coach: Emotional Support Through Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

With how difficult divorce can be, you might want to look for some extra help. One useful resource may be a divorce coach. A coach can really help you develop some strategies for tackling your divorce and its challenges…

Divorce Coach: How They Can Help

Plan out your path

It’s not to uncommon for people to feel aimless during their divorce. They might not know where to start, or what they need to do. All of this can quickly get overwhelming, and make things all the more difficult. However, a divorce coach can help you plan out each step and make your divorce a bit more easier.

Plus, a coach doesn’t only have to help you with the divorce itself. They can also help you make some post-divorce life plans as well. That way, not only can you figure out the steps for your divorce, but you can also have those first post-divorce life steps figured out too. That peace of mind can really help you mentally during your divorce.

Talking to your ex

Depending on your divorce situation, you might not be able to simply not talk to your ex anymore. For example, if you and your ex have kids, then you’ll probably have to learn to communicate as co-parents. However, this presents its own set of issues. A divorce coach can help you overcome these issues and make talking to one another easier.

Coaches can help you figure out where you both might have some common ground. Then, from there you can both work together on developing a parenting plan. Of course, this might cause some tensions, especially if your divorce wasn’t so smooth. Still, a coach can also help you figure out what to do when things go sideways.

Manage your emotions

Divorce makes plenty of people’s emotions run a little high. Of course, this can be difficult to deal with. More often than not, these emotions can really make it hard to get through your divorce in a good head-space. That’s where a divorce coach can certainly come in handy.

A coach can help you figure out your emotions, and get a better handle on them. This is especially invaluable for when you have to talk to your ex, or have to handle other divorce matters. Having your emotions well under control can ensure you make the right decisions at the right times.

Enjoying a Beach Trip with Young Children

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Every parent knows, enjoying a beach trip with young children isn’t as easy as it sounds. Between cranky sunburned children, long drives, naps disrupted, and sand everywhere it can be a lot of work for parents. But with a little planning, you can have a great vacation. Make sure that you’re always cautious about water safety, no matter what age your children are. Bring snacks everywhere you go, and dress everyone appropriately for the activity. Don’t overpack your day with too many activities, and try to leave some down time. Finally, remember that no vacation goes perfectly. The more flexible you can be, the more relaxed you’ll keep the entire family. Try to roll with any changes and make the best of any situation.

Enjoying a Beach Trip with Young Children: Making the Most of Your Vacation

Water Safety

Whenever you’re around water with kids in tow, you need to be careful. When enjoying a beach trip with young children it’s especially important to keep in mind water safety. Never leave kids unattended near a pool or ocean. In the ocean, make sure that children wear life jackets or floaties, and keep a hand on them at all times. Be on the lookout for riptides or other dangers.

Bring Snacks…Everywhere

Another key to enjoying a beach trip with young children is to bring the right equipment everywhere you go. And usually, that means snacks. Plan to bring along snacks and water if you go to the beach, pool, for a bike ride, and for any long drives. Also plan to bring some toys for any rainy days or downtime while you pack up. Put the proper sun protection on children so they don’t get sunburned.

Don’t Overpack Your Day

Another thing that can help with enjoying a beach trip with young children is to avoid overfilling your days with too many activities. While bored children are destructive children, it’s also not great to over-tire them. Plan for a morning and afternoon activity, but try to maintain some quiet rest time during the hottest part of the day.

Be Flexible

Finally, remember that when enjoying a beach trip with young children or really any kind of vacation whatsoever, it’s best to be flexible. Things are going to go wrong, it’s inevitable. Instead of stressing about it, try to go with the flow. The more you stress, the more anxious your children will be. Instead, try to make a game of it. For example, if it rains, instead of being sad about the pool day, try a movie or a walk in the rain together.

Enjoying a beach trip with young children isn’t always as easy as it sounds. Traveling with youngsters can be a lot of work for parents and can leave them feeling like they need a vacation from their vacation. Try to make the most of your vacation by planning in advance and bringing along snacks everywhere you go. Pack some special toys or activities that will hold their attention. Don’t over-plan your days, and leave some room for down time. Be flexible when plans change and try to maintain a positive attitude. Finally, be mindful of water safety a

Keeping the Peace When Dealing with Financial Trouble

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Keeping the peace when dealing with financial trouble can be difficult as money is one of the most common stressors in a marriage. If you and your spouse are struggling with money, you aren’t alone. However, blaming one another or constantly focusing on the negative isn’t likely to do anything positive to get you into a better financial situation. Or marital situation. So instead, work together to create a realistic budget. Then, identify and hone in on fixing unhealthy spending habits. Finally, set financial goals together, both short and long-term to help you stay motivated. Hopefully, by working together towards a common goal, you can get yourselves into a place where you can pay off debt and begin saving.

Keeping the Peace When Dealing with Financial Trouble: Don’t Let Money Ruin Your Marriage

Don’t Place Blame

Keeping the peace when dealing with financial trouble is only achievable if you both agree not to play the blame game. Unless one of you has a serious spending issue, it’s likely that you both contributed to any financial woes you’re facing. There will be times in any marriage where partners must rely on each other. Not everything is always equal, but over the course of a relationship, you both likely will have times when you’re making more or less money. Try to see the bigger picture and avoid pointing fingers, as this isn’t going to achieve anything other than resentment.

Work Together to Create a Budget

Another thing that can be helpful with keeping the peace when dealing with financial trouble is to work together to create a realistic budget. First, work together to compile a list of your monthly income. Consider everything you make both at work or any side hustles. Then, figure out a realistic budget that takes into account all of your month to month spending. Also make sure you account for things like subscriptions or yearly bills. Give yourself a little spending money so that things aren’t too rigid, but most of your income should go to debt pay-off and savings at this point.

Fix Unhealthy Spending Habits

It’s important to start identifying unhealthy spending habits if you’re already facing financial strain. For example, frivolous purchases, excessive eating out, or ordering in food. If there are subscriptions that you can cut out, do so. Additionally, if you are driving cars outside your means, see if you can find a better deal on one. Identifying places where you spend too much money and trying to come up with solutions together can save you more money than you realize.

Set Goals Together

Finally, keeping the peace when dealing with financial trouble is easier and more manageable if you set goals together for your finances. For example, set aside money for things that are fun like traveling, as well as the necessities. Make short-term and long-term goals, and keep things to small baby steps. That way, you won’t get overwhelmed. Focus on paying down debt little by little, then building an emergency fund of six month’s worth of income, and finally, creating a savings account and adding to it each month.

Money struggles can be incredibly difficult, but keeping the peace when you’re dealing with financial trouble is possible if you both commit to it. Firstly, you must both agree to avoid placing blame on one another. Likely, it’s a combination of both of your spending that has led you to this point. Next, make a list of all of your income and expenses for each month, and see if there are areas where you can cut down on things. Don’t forget those sneaky expenses like yearly renewals or subscriptions. Nip any problematic spending habits in the bud, like frivolous spending or going out to eat too often. Finally, create some goals together that will keep you both motivated to keep saving. Hopefully, if you work together and stay focused on the end goal of living without crushing debt or without being paycheck to paycheck, you can achieve your goals and some financial freedom along the way.

When Sole Custody is Necessary: Navigating Bitterness and Retaliation

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Navigated a divorce is difficult enough. When you add children to the situation, every decision gets more complicated. One thing you might be stressing over is whether or not to seek sole custody. In some situations, sole custody is necessary for various reasons. However, in some situations, the children and parents might be better off with a joint-custody situation. Just make sure you know what is driving the decision. Is it for retaliation against your ex? Or is it for the benefit of the children? If you find that you are acting out of bitterness, try to find another outlet for your anger. Every decision you make needs to be in the best interest of your kids.

Is Sole Custody Necessary: Navigating Bitterness and Retaliation

When is Sole Custody Necessary?

Sole custody is necessary for several situations. Sole legal custody means that only one parent is responsible for making decisions regarding the children. If your partner is unfit to do this, you might need to seek sole custody. For example, this could include mental health problems, or substance abuse issues. If there has been abandonment, then you’ll want to seek custody. And of course, if there are any concerns about abuse for you or your children. Another consideration is if your ex is currently in prison or jail.

And finally, if your ex is being relocated to another state or country, it might be that sole custody is necessary. Custody involves making important decisions for your kids. If it will be difficult for somebody to get in touch with your ex, then you might want to make sure it’s just you making the decisions. If they are relocating but will be easy to get in touch with and plan to visit often, then sole custody might not be required.

What is Your Motivation?

If you are considering whether or not sole custody is necessary, ask yourself a few questions. What is the reason why I feel like this is needed? Am I doing this just to get back at my ex? Is this overall, the best thing for my children? Divorce can leave you very bitter. Divorces bring out emotions between spouses that they never realized they would feel. Hurtful things are said, and insults are thrown. If you find that you want to seek sole custody mostly because it will hurt your partner, then you need to re-evaluate. If your ex-spouse is not an unfit parent, then really take a look at your motivations. Depriving children of the chance to have one of their parents involved in their life might not be best for them.

Finding an Outlet

If you debate whether sole custody is necessary and find that perhaps you are acting out of bitterness, try to find other ways to address your feelings. You could try an outlet for your frustration like journaling or a new hobby. Or you could also really sit down with your ex and discuss your feelings. You might even enlist the help of a therapist. If your ex is an able and willing caregiver for your children, then try not to let your bitterness decide your custody

When you are debating whether or not sole custody is necessary, try to figure out your motivation. If you’re concerned at all for the wellbeing of your kids while in your ex’s care, then consider sole custody. And if they are unfit for any reason, it might be necessary. If you are only seeking it to hurt your ex-partner, it might not be the healthiest thing for your kids. Try to find other ways to vent your frustrations. Always try to remember that your children don’t know all the details of your divorce. Your partner may have done hurtful things to you, But your children will probably benefit from having both parents in their lives as long as both of you are supportive and caring.

Dividing Time Equally Between Parents and In-Laws

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Many people feel conflicted about dividing time equally between parents and in-laws. This can be particularly difficult when you are spending your first holidays together, newly married, or have children. It’s normal for each of your families to want to spend their time with you and carry on those holiday traditions that mean so much to them with your children. However, sometimes families have to make compromises. If everybody gets along and if you have the space, you might consider hosting them all at your own house. You might also consider sharing the day if they live within easy driving distance. For families that live further away, you might need to alternate holidays throughout the year, or alternate years. However, it’s important for you and your spouse to create your own traditions as well. If being torn between your two families ends up causing you more stress than enjoyment, it might be time to come up with a new plan that allows you both to enjoy this time together. Hopefully, you can come to an agreement that works for you two and your families so that you aren’t dealing with drama during the holiday season.

Dividing Time Equally Between Parents and In-Laws During the Holidays

Host Them All

One option when you’re struggling with dividing time equally between parents and in-laws is to simply opt to host them all together. However, this requires you to have the space for them as well as the energy to host. And your parents and in-laws should be able to get along in order for this to happen smoothly. However, this can be a great option to allow your families to get to know one another better and to each give them plenty of time with you and your children.

Share the Day

Another option you can choose when dividing time equally between parents and in-laws is to share the actual day of the holiday. This only works if your families live relatively close together. However, you can wake up Christmas morning and have lunch with your family and then drive to your in-laws for Christmas dinner. This allows both sets of families to celebrate with you all on the actual day of the holiday. However, the drawback of this option is that it can end up making your holidays feel rushed and frantic. And if your parents aren’t very close, it can feel like a lot of traveling.

Alternate Holidays

Some families choose to divvy up holidays throughout the year and alternate which family they spend time with. This works especially well if you have families that only care about specific holidays that don’t happen to overlap one another. You can also switch things up from year to year so that each year you swap which holidays you celebrate with them. It can be difficult for them to be away from you on the years when you are with the other set of family, but in all this tends to work best if your families do not live close to one another.

Make Your Own Traditions

Finally, if you’re stressing about dividing time equally between parents and in-laws, it might be time to create some new traditions of your own. The holidays are meant to be an enjoyable time. And if figuring all of this out creates more of a headache, you might just want to take a break from celebrating with family altogether. It’s perfectly fine for you and your spouse or your family to create your own tradition of just being together and spending some quality time with one another. This can end up creating friction with your family, but you ultimately have to do the best thing for your own mental health as well as the mental health of your spouse and children.

Dividing time equally between parents and in-laws is one of the first hurdles that many new serious relationships face. Your family have years of traditions with you that they might not want to give up. But this can leave you both feeling torn about who to spend your holidays with. You can opt to celebrate with both families on the day of the holiday if they live close together. Or if they live further apart, you can choose to alternate which families you visit throughout the year or from year to year. If your families all get along well and live relatively close together, you can choose to host them all at your house and establish a new tradition. However, this requires a lot of prep work, planning, and energy. If figuring out how to evenly split your time is causing you stress and impacting how much you even enjoy the holidays, it might be time to take a break from family altogether. While it’s nice to continue traditions that are important, you shouldn’t do that at the expense of your mental health. If arguing about which family to visit causes too much stress, you might opt for a quiet holiday at home with just your spouse and children.

Is Adoption Right for You?

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

If you are wondering if adoption is the right choice for you, there are some things to consider before making any big decisions. The adoption process can take a very long time, and it can have ups and downs. You’ll have to find a lot of patience and determination along the way. Consider why you are wanting to adopt, and decide if this is a personal decision or one that you’re feeling pressured to make. Furthermore, are you prepared for a long and potentially difficult journey in order to add to your family? You should also have a support system in place to help you with all of the challenges that come with parenting. And of course, raising any child is incredibly expensive, and adoption can add further expenses on top of that. While there are many things to consider, adoption is an incredible way to grow your family and help a child find their forever home. Hopefully, you can weigh your options carefully and decide the right course of action for you and your family.

Is Adoption Right for You: Questions to Consider

Why Do You Want to Adopt?

One of the first things to think about when deciding if adoption is right for you is the reason behind your desire to adopt. Are you wanting to grow your family and help a child that needs a family? Or are you feeling pressure from society? Anybody wanting to become a parent should make the decision because it’s what they truly want, not because they feel pressured into it. Even though parenting is very rewarding and fulfilling, it can also be difficult.

Are You Prepared for a Long and Potentially Bumpy Journey?

Another thing to consider when thinking about adoption is if you are prepared to be patient. Adoption can take years, and it can come with heartbreak. On the other hand, sometimes adoption can happen very quickly. Do you have the emotional strength to handle not knowing when you might become a parent at a moment’s notice? And do you have the fortitude to wait potentially a long time to become a parent?

Do You Have a Support System in Place?

Before having children at all, whether biologically or through adoption, it’s important to have a support system in place. Parenting is very difficult, and childcare can be hard to come by. Make sure that you have people in your life that you can lean on for emotional support when the going gets tough. Furthermore, adoption can come with its own challenges. Especially if you are adopting an older child, or a child with special needs. Adoption can be a difficult process for children to go through, and they might need extra support.

Is It Financially and Logistically Feasible?

Finally, children are expensive. Childcare costs in our country are incredibly high, and finding help can be a long process. Are you financially stable enough to take on the cost of raising a child? You’ll need to think of day-to-day expenses, potential college savings, and childcare costs. Additionally, some adoption agencies can be very expensive to work with, and you could face travel expenses as well as fees from the agency. Before becoming a parent, it’s important to have some savings in place so that you can provide a healthy home for your child.

Adoption is a beautiful process that unites children with parents that will love them and care for them for the rest of their lives. But it’s not the right choice for everybody. If you are considering adoption, there are some important factors to take into consideration. You might have a long and difficult journey ahead, so you need to be prepared to be patient. You might also have unique challenges that come with adoption like needing to be ready to travel at a moment’s notice, deciding the relationship you want to have with their birth parents, explaining adoption to your child some day, or helping your child through the emotional ups and downs of the process. You’ll need to have a support network in place to lean on when things feel overwhelming or difficult, and having others to jump in to help with childcare is key. Finally, before having children biologically or via adoption, you should be financially stable because raising children is incredibly costly. Make sure that the decision to grow your family is one that you fully believe in, rather than one that you feel pressured into. Hopefully, you and your family can think through your options and decide on the course of action that is the best fit for you.

Negative Divorce Behavior

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce can leave you stressed and confused, even if it’s amicable. This can potentially cause you to engage in some negative divorce behavior. Avoiding this behavior is crucial for getting through your divorce as smoothly as possible…

Negative Divorce Behavior: Avoiding Nasty Habits

Refusing to talk

Communication problems are an example of negative divorce behavior which can really set you back. Understandably, if you feel hurt because of the divorce, you might not want to talk to your ex all that much. This is especially true if things ended on very negative terms. However, this can end up making things difficult for you.

Being able to communicate with your ex means you can both work on the divorce outcome. You can come to an agreement which works for you both much easier when you can communicate. Still, you might not be up for face-to-face meetings yet. In that case, you can use things like email or phone calls to get the job done.

Place unfair blame

Playing the “blame game” is also another type of negative divorce behavior to avoid. The problem with placing blame is that it’s a very natural response to divorce. After all, it’s easy to say that your ex is behind all the reasons why things didn’t work out. Still, this is going to have some negative side-effects for you and your divorce.

For starters, it’s going to make it hard for your ex to want to talk to you if you blame them all the time. Also, it means you aren’t reflecting on what you might have done yourself that contributed to the divorce. Remember, a marriage is a two-person matter; both of you need to be able to reflect and learn from what’s happened.

Rushing to move on

You probably want to move on from your divorce as soon as you can. However, you have to be careful not to rush too quickly. Trying to rush to get through everything is a form of negative divorce behavior that many people tend to struggle with.

For instance, they might try and rush through the divorce, which usually leaves them without the outcome they wanted. Sometimes, they might rush into dating again too soon, in an effort to replace the loneliness they feel. Instead, it’s much better to take your time and handle things right, rather than by rushing.

Sharing Spring Break Post-Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Spring break is a fun week off of school for kids. The weather is finally getting a little warmer and it allows for a nice break before the rush of the end of the school year. While most plan for spring break all year with a trip to the beach or an amusement park, some families are sharing spring break for the first time.

As we approach the mid-semester break, let’s discuss the issues that you may be facing for the first time since your separation or divorce.

Sharing Spring Break: First Year Adjustments 

First Time Traveling With(out) You

Maybe your ex has a trip planned for part of spring break. When she mentioned the idea of taking the kids a few hours away for a couple of days, it seemed like no big deal. But, as the day came closer, you’re starting to have second thoughts. Unless there are safety concerns, relax and let your children enjoy their vacation. It might be the first, but it won’t be the last. Sharing spring break means your turn is coming; just look forward to getting to spend that time together.

New Significant Others

Before sharing your new significant other with your children, please remember your ex-spouse and how they will feel. Often times, school breaks coincide with trips that your new significant other will be joining you on. Sharing spring break (and sharing your children) means you’ll need to get permission from your ex before you continue with this. 

Conversely, if your ex wants to bring their new significant other on their vacation with the kids, think about how you’d feel if the roles were reversed. Keep in mind, each family and situation is different and there is no definite timeline to follow.

Spending Spring Break with Friends

As children grow, there is a chance they will want to spend spring break with a friend’s family on their vacation. This is normal, but might be tough. You may both have to agree to let your child spend spring break away from you. Sometimes, sharing spring break doesn’t necessarily mean with just your ex!

Keep in mind your custody agreements with your ex and the arrangements you have for weekly custody. Traveling outside of these agreements could create legal issues. Sharing spring break is a good way to enjoy stress-free time with your children. Make sure to communicate with your ex to create a smooth week. This is a good time to understand the details of your agreements and enjoy quality time with your kids!

Can Sleep Divorce Save Your Marriage?

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Sleep divorce is a growing trend where couples sleep in separate beds or bedrooms. For a long time, the norm was for couples to sleep in separate beds, and trends in co-sleeping differ across cultures. If you and your partner have different sleeping styles, preferences, or schedules, it can disrupt your sleep to share a bed. Lack of sleep can lead to irritability, resentment, and relationship trouble. So for many, choosing to sleep in separate bedrooms actually improves their marriage. However, it’s important to note that while there are benefits to having your own sleeping space, there can also be some drawbacks. For example, you might have money or space constraints. Additionally, it can dampen your intimacy unless you and your partner put in effort to keep the spark alive. Ultimately, the decision is yours to make, but it’s important that both partners be on the same page. Otherwise, it can create insecurities or resentment. Hopefully, you and your spouse can weigh the options and decide what sleeping arrangement is best for you.

Can Sleep Divorce Save Your Marriage: Separate Bed Might Be the Key to Relationship Bliss

What Does It Mean?

Sleep divorce, sleep separation, or alternative sleeping arrangements all refer to the idea of spouses sleeping in different beds or bedrooms. Different cultures have always had different norms when it comes to cohabitation, and trends come and go. While it’s often seen as a symbol of intimacy in a marriage to share a bed, the reality is that sometimes that’s not an ideal sleeping situation for both partners.

Why Do It?

The trend of sleep divorce is gaining popularity in recent years, although the stigma of the word divorce can still leave some couples nervous about trying it. However, sleep is incredibly important for our overall physical and mental health. If you and your partner work different shifts, you can experience a lot of disruptions to your sleep. Similarly, if your partner prefers a cold bedroom, darker bedroom, white noise, etc when sleeping, those preferences don’t always match up. Couples also struggle with sleep if one partner snores loudly, uses a CPAP machine, or tosses and turns frequently.

Pros

If you and your partner struggle with having different sleeping preferences, or otherwise disrupt one another’s rest, separate bedrooms or beds might allow you both to get a more restful night’s sleep. You can stretch out and have more personal space, have your bedroom exactly the way you like it, and sleep without disturbances from your partner. Additionally, you might become more intentional about intimacy and begin to reconnect more as a couple.

Cons

While there are many positive to sleep divorce, there can also be some drawbacks to consider. For example, for many there are space or financial constraints. It can be difficult to find room in your house for two separate beds or bedrooms. You might also find that it can be lonely going to bed without your partner. And of course, for some, it can lead to a decrease in intimacy. Things like cuddling and physical touch are important in a relationship, and you and your spouse will have to make extra effort to bring those things into your marriage if you are sleeping separately.

When considering whether or not a sleep divorce is the right option for you, it’s important that both partners be on the same page. If only one of you wants the separation, it can lead to insecurities, loneliness, and resentment from the other partner who might feel abandoned. And sleeping separately can decrease your intimacy with one another if you aren’t intentional about connecting. However, if you both are open to the idea, sleeping separately can have a lot of positive effects on your relationship. Getting better rest means that you both will have more energy for your relationship without any resentment over poor sleep. For many, the idea of sleeping separately feels stigmatized. However, if it’s the best option for your relationship, it isn’t really anybody else’s b

Post-Divorce Budget: Managing Your Money

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Getting your new life after your divorce going is easier said than done. In fact, there’s a few things you’ll need to do beforehand. Most notably, this includes setting up a post-divorce budget. Having a good budget can really help you avoid financial stress and begin your new life on the right foot…

Post-Divorce Budget: How To Adapt

Revisit your old one

The building blocks of your post-divorce budget can really come from the old one you had. Now, you’ll certainly have to make some adjustments. After all, you’re probably going from having two sources of income, to only yours. However, there might also be some expenses which you don’t have to worry about, or maybe even some new ones to consider.

Plus, there’s a pretty easy way of visualizing this starter budget. Draw a line down the middle of a piece of paper, and have one side be for your income, and another for expenses. Fill each side out, and then add the totals up at the bottom. This quick draft budget can help you see if your finances are in good shape, or if you need to make some changes.

Focus on the necessities

If you find that your post-divorce budget isn’t looking so good, then it’s time to make some cutbacks. That means that you’ll have to focus on the necessities over the more optional things. Basically, you’ll want to prioritize your needs (clothing, food, shelter, and transport) over your wants.

Still, even for your needs, you don’t have to go crazy. For instance, you might need clothes, but that isn’t an excuse to go on a big upscale shopping spree. Buy the things you can comfortably afford, and cut out those other things which are just draining money. This can help you balance out your budget.

Avoid big purchases

A big purchase can really mess with your post-divorce budget. For example, you might be tempted to move to a new house or get a new car as a sort-of kick starter for your new life. However, these kinds of purchases can really hurt your wallet, and leave you stuck in a worse situation in the long run.