How-to Avoid Co-Parenting Mistakes

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Switching from being married to being co-parents after a divorce isn’t always easy. Many former couples struggle with making the transition. While mistakes will happen, there are some co-parenting mistakes you’ll want to do your best to avoid. Doing so will help make your experience a lot smoother…

How-to Avoid Co-Parenting Mistakes: Common Issues

Picking fights

One of the most common co-parenting mistakes is when co-parents start to pick fights. It’s understandable that tensions may be a bit high following your divorce. As such, when you have to meet your co-parent, it can be tough to be totally relaxed. This is especially true if your co-parent is seemingly going out of their way to push your buttons.

A good way to avoid these fights is by waiting until you both cool off to meet in person. Instead, you can keep in touch via texts or phone calls. It’s also important for both of you to recognize when you’re in the wrong. Apologize after saying rude, even if your other co-parent doesn’t, to set a good example for your kids.

Forgetting the point

Another of the common co-parenting mistakes is when co-parents lose sight of their goals. Instead of trying to be good co-parents to their kids, they instead try and gain an “upper hand” over their ex. This ends up causing a power struggle to develop. Now, each co-parent will try and make requests or demands for their own benefit, rather than for the kids.

Remember that co-parenting isn’t a competition. Your kids will need both of you to be positive influences in their lives. If they see you fighting and acting like that, you’ll be leaving a bad impression. Therefore, you and your co-parent need to be willing to work together for the benefit of your kids.

Bad communication

Many co-parenting mistakes are caused by bad communication. It could be that you and your co-parent barely talk to one another. This can end up causing a lot of miscommunication, leaving you or them out of the loop. As a result, this tends to cause a lot of tension and subsequent arguments.

Good communication is crucial to any co-parenting arrangement. As such, you and your co-parent should remain in regular contact. Even just simple texts or calls will go a long way in clearing things up and making sure everyone is on the same page.

Telling Your Children About Your Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Telling your children about your divorce might be one of the most difficult discussions you’ll ever have in your life. However, if you plan in advance, you can better prepare for handling this tough conversation. You and your partner really need to work together on this, so try to put aside your differences for the sake of the children. You’ll need to be a team to prepare how you’ll talk to the kids, and answer their questions. You should also try to tell them together. Reassure them that they will adjust. Finally, give them space to absorb the new information. It will be painful, but preparing in advance can make this conversation more bearable.

Telling Your Children About Your Divorce: Plan In Advance

Prepare Beforehand

Telling your children about your divorce needs to be a team effort between you and your spouse. You might disagree on a lot, but you’ll need to put aside differences in order to have a healthy conversation with your kids. You’ll need to decide the narrative that you’re going to tell the children about why you are divorcing. You don’t need to get into all the details, but a general idea of how to tackle that question without blaming can be helpful. Also, try to prepare for their questions. They may want to know which parent they’ll be living with, where they’ll be staying if they’ll be changing schools or moving. All of these are valid concerns and you should try to have an answer ready to go for them.

Tell Them Together

Telling your children about your divorce is best done together. That way, you’ll be able to share with them the reasons without playing the blame game. They can ask all the questions they want, and you and your spouse can answer them together. They need to see that you are both in agreement that this is the best course of action for your family. It also shows that you can work together and that you’ll both be committed to making things as smooth as possible. If your children are of similar ages, try to tell them at the same time so that they don’t hear about it from a sibling.

Reassure Them

The absolute most important thing when telling your children about your divorce is to reassure them. Reassure them that you love them and that you are going to make the divorce as smooth as you can for them. You’ll of course reassure them that they played no part in the reason for the divorce. That there is nothing they did to cause it. And that there was nothing they could do to prevent it. Also reassure them that even though it will be hard, they will adjust to this new life. You’ll need to reassure them many times throughout the process.

Give Them Space

Finally, after telling your children about your divorce, give them space. Everybody needs time to adjust to hearing life-changing news. They’ll need to think out all of what this means for their lives. They’ll probably have many questions and concerns. Even though it’s painful, try to always be open and willing to talk to them about your divorce. Some children may shut down for a little while they process. Reassure them that you would like to talk to them whenever they feel like it. Let them react how they need to react because they have a right to their feelings.

It will be hard. It will be painful. But telling your children about your divorce will ultimately go better if you prepare in advance. Make a plan with your partner about how to tell them and how to answer their questions. Find a non-blaming narrative that is age-appropriate. Sit down as a family sometime when you can really take your time with the conversation. Reassure them that they will adjust and that the divorce is not their fault. And finally, give them space to absorb this new vision of their lives. While it’s difficult to have these conversations, in the end, you are trying to do what is best for them. They’ll be happier with two parents who co-parent in a healthy way than they would be with two parents living in a toxic marriage.

Maintaining Mutual Friendships After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Maintaining mutual friendships after a divorce is something that oftentimes gets looked over. A divorce can be messy and stressful. Sometimes you forget that there could still be some decisions to make after it’s final. However, forcing friends to choose sides is never good for anybody. It’s really best if you can figure out a way to maintain your mutual friendships. Have a frank conversation with your ex and your friends about how you plan to keep them all in your life. Set ground rules that you and your ex will stick to. And finally, anticipate that there will probably be some friends that pick sides despite your best efforts. Keeping a friendly relationship with your ex is the best way to keep your mutual friends in both of your lives.

Maintaining Mutual Friendships After Divorce: Don’t Make Your Friends Pick Sides

Have a Conversation with Your Ex

Maintaining mutual friendships after divorce is easiest if you and your ex-partner are both on board. Have a discussion about what you want your relationship to look like post-divorce. If you have children together, it really is best if you can maintain at least some level of trust and friendship. If you both feel strongly about sharing with your friends and not forcing them to pick sides, then it is definitely possible to do.

Have a Conversation with Your Friends

Maintaining mutual friendships after divorce also relies on being up-front with your friends. They probably have no idea how to navigate these waters either. They may feel like they’re being pulled to one side or the other. However, if you talk to them honestly about both of your desire to keep them in both of your lives, hopefully, they’ll be understanding.

Set Ground Rules

It’s important to set ground rules for maintaining mutual friendships after divorce. And the most important one of these is: don’t talk badly about your ex. Don’t try to win them over to your side of the divorce. If you are filling their ear with horrible stories about your ex or the other way around, they’ll be forced to pick sides. It also puts them in an awkward spot. It’s really best just to keep your breakup and your relationship with your ex-private.

Anticipate Some Losses

Finally, it’s important to remember that maintaining mutual friendships after divorce just won’t be possible for every one of your friends. Some will pick sides even if you ask them not to. Expect that your ex’s closest friends will probably drop off your radar a bit. And likewise, your closest friends will most likely not be maintaining friendships with your ex. As time goes on and you and your ex get more comfortable with your situation, maybe it will be possible to rekindle some friendships. Especially if you have children. But, it can take time and there may be a point where you’ll have to just cut your losses. Maintaining mutual friendships after divorce can seem difficult, but it is possible. But it’s only doable if you and your ex are on the same page about it. So talk to your ex directly and lay a plan out for maintaining your friendships. Also discuss your plan with your friends, as they probably don’t really know how to navigate these waters any more than you do. Laying some ground rules for everybody will go a long way in maintaining peace. And finally, accept that some relationships will simply not work once your divorce is finalized. It’s ok to let some friendships go. However, hopefully, you and your ex will be able to maintain a friendly relationship and preserve your mutual friends.

How Do Children React to Divorce?

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Children react to divorce in many different ways. A lot depends on the family, the situation, and of course, the child. However, some behaviors are very common among children of newly divorced parents. Be on the watch for these behaviors and be prepared to give your child as much support as they need during this tough time. One thing you might see is regression – this could be with sleep, using the bathroom, or other behaviors. Another typical reaction is aggression or new anger issues. Some children feel very sad and begin to internalize the stress as shame. And finally, some children go through intense separation anxiety. Guide your children through all of these emotions by being supportive and allowing them to share their feelings.

How Do Children React to Divorce? Behaviors You Might See

Regressions

One way that many children react to divorce is through various regressions. Regressions happen when a child’s behavior seems to be getting less mature, rather than more mature. For instance, some children might be sleeping well and suddenly start waking up at night. Or some potty-trained children begin to have accidents again. There are many ways that regressions can present themselves. Usually, they will get through the regression on their own with a little guidance.

Aggression

Another way that children react to divorce is aggression. This doesn’t necessarily mean that they’ll start hitting their friends. It could just mean that they are easier to upset or fluster. Or their frustration seems more intense than usual. Guide them to healthy outlets for their strong emotions, like a new hobby or exercise.

Depression

Depression is another way that children react to divorce. It can be very different from child to child. Some children might just become more whiny than usual. Others might be upset easily or spend lots of time crying. And many children begin to feel shame about the divorce and think that they are at fault. You should constantly reassure them that the divorce is not their fault and that you love them very much.

Separation Anxiety

Finally, one last way that children react to divorce is through separation anxiety. Their entire world has likely been turned upside down. They may be a little clingier than usual. They are trying to make sure that they hold onto the one constant in their lives – you. Usually, separation anxiety eases with time and with reassurance that you will always come back when you leave. Children react to divorce in a myriad of different ways. Some children get very quiet while others have hundreds of questions. However, many children present with regressions like potty training. Or with aggression and a little more moodiness than usual. Yet others go through depressive stages, and some get more separation anxiety than usual. However your child is handling the divorce, you should reassure them constantly. Many times these changes ease fairly quickly as they get used to a new routine. However, if your child seems to be struggling, reach out to their pediatrician or a child therapist for some guidance. Hopefully, you can help ease your children through this difficult transition and help them handle their emotions.

How to Choose the Right Divorce Attorney

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Choosing the right divorce attorney is an important aspect of the divorce process. Having the best representation on your side can affect the kind of settlement you get. You want to make sure that the attorney you choose is professional and experienced. Ask for references from anybody you interview to make sure that they have some relevant experience. In addition, consider your budget for the divorce and go over costs with them upfront. Don’t just pick the first person you meet, interview a few different lawyers. And finally, remember your needs and what you need from them. You aren’t hiring a new best friend, but a legal representative. Hopefully, you can find a great lawyer who will represent you and get you the settlement you want.

How to Choose the Right Divorce Attorney: Finding the Best Match

Ask for References

Choosing the right divorce attorney starts with making sure that they have plenty of experience. But specifically, you want an attorney that has handled similar cases to yours. You might not necessarily want to go with the lawyer a friend of yours recommends because your cases could be very different. Make sure that they have relevant experience and can help you get what you need out of the divorce.

Consider Budget

It’s also important to consider your budget when picking your divorce attorney. Divorce is incredibly expensive, so you’ll need to budget ahead of time. Anybody you interview should be able to give you an overview of their costs. They might not be able to give you exact details, but they should at least cover up-front costs and a general sense of what you might spend.

Interview Several

It’s also important to interview several lawyers when picking a divorce attorney. Don’t just go with the first person you meet. Instead, interview three or four different attorneys and figure out which will serve your needs best. Make sure that they are professional in their mannerisms, and that they have relevant experience.

Remember Your Needs

Finally, remember what your needs are when choosing a divorce attorney. You are not looking for somebody to commiserate with over your ex. Or somebody to comfort you when you are upset. They don’t need to be your friend or your therapist. They are your legal representative. Find an attorney that will fight hard for your settlement. You will certainly need some emotional support during the divorce process, but your attorney is not the person to go to for that. Choosing the right divorce attorney is a big step in the divorce process. Finally settling on that decision can take a huge weight off your back. Make sure that you interview several different attorneys and ask them about relevant experience. Consider your overall budget when choosing, and ask about up-front and long-term costs during the interview stage. Finally, remember what you need your attorney to do. They don’t need to be a confidant or a friend, they need to be your legal representative. The right attorney can help make the divorce process much less stressful. Take the time to carefully consider your options and make sure that you are picking an attorney that will fight hard for you.

How to Overcome Cheating in a Marriage

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Trying to overcome cheating in a marriage is one of the most difficult challenges a couple can face. If you or your partner has been unfaithful, it may take some time to figure out how you’d like to move forward. If you choose to continue your marriage, you’ll need to take time to think things over. Make sure that you give yourself time and space to experience all your feelings. Don’t try to get revenge on your partner as this will only make things more complicated. And finally, seek outside help from a friend or professional counselor. Hopefully, if you choose to move forward with your marriage, you’ll have the tools to make it successful.

How to Overcome Cheating in a Marriage: Moving Forward

Take Some Time to Think

The first step in learning to overcome cheating in a marriage is to take some time to yourself. Give yourself some space to think about your relationship. If you were the cheating spouse, try to identify the reasons that led up to the cheating. Figure out if you’re remorseful about what happened and if you want to move forward. If you’ve been cheated on, really consider if you’d like to move forward with working on your marriage. You need to decide if this will even be possible.

Feel Your Feelings

You also want to give yourself some time to feel all your feelings if you’re trying to overcome cheating in a marriage. For example, you might feel sad, angry, confused, hurt, or any number of emotions. If you’re the one who cheated you may be in shock that it happened, and confused about why you let it happen. Give yourself time to experience all of those emotions before making any major decisions about your relationship.

Don’t Retaliate

Do not take revenge immediately after an affair if you’re wanting to overcome cheating in a marriage. Your first instinct may be to retaliate and hurt your spouse the way you’ve been hurt. For example, you may want to trash talk or tell everybody about what happened. However, you need to remember that your friends and family will have strong feelings about what happened and will most likely try to give you the advice to sway you one way or another. You also won’t ever be able to take back the things you say later. In addition, you may even consider getting back at your spouse by having an affair yourself. However, this complicates matters and probably won’t make you feel less hurt. You’ll just be spreading more hurt and division into your marriage.

Seek Outside Help

The biggest help to overcome cheating in a marriage is to seek outside assistance. A trained therapist can offer couples counseling which can help you and your spouse identify ways to make your marriage stronger. In addition, they can give you ways to communicate more openly. There are plenty of in-person therapists and online therapists available right now that can give you assistance. You can confide in your close friends as well, but be careful who you tell. Close friends and family are often very protective of you and might find it hard to forgive your partner later if you decide to move forward with your marriage.

Trying to overcome cheating in a marriage takes time and dedication. You and your partner both need to be equally focused on moving forward in honesty and open communication. Take time to really think about how you’d like your relationship to move forward. Next, take some time to really experience the emotional roller coaster you’re on. You might be feelings guilt, shame, sadness, anger, and many other things but that is ok. Give yourself time to feel them all. Don’t try to get revenge or you will just make more problems for your marriage. And finally, seek outside help if you’re wanting to move forward in a healthy way. While it can be one of the most difficult times of your life, many couples are stronger in the end by overcoming infidelity.

Losing Love: Marital Woes

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

One of the hardest things that can happen in a relationship is falling out of love. However, losing love is a very real thing, and occurs for many different reasons. Understanding some of the most common ones can help you see why some couples have this happen…

Losing Love: Why It Happens

Lack of communication

Losing love in a marriage can be due to poor communication. Good communication is important for maintaining the bond between you and your partner. If your communication is lacking, then that bond is going to get weaker. Eventually, it’ll get to the point where the love itself becomes lost.

Communication can fall apart for a wide variety of reasons. You may have both had issues talking to one another about things and had constant arguments. Or, it could have been that you didn’t spend enough time talking to one another. Not having that good, balanced communication can turn those positive feelings for one another into negative ones.

Things started off poorly

Losing love can also occur when a marriage starts off poorly and never recovers. A strong foundation in a marriage is crucial for being able to handle tougher times. Lacking that good base will make it much easier for a couple to drift apart and not be able to come back together when things hit a rough patch.

For instance, it could be that a you or your partner had unrealistic expectations for each other. When you or they don’t met these expectations, it can set a negative tone going forwards. It could also be that you rushed into your marriage without giving your relationship time to mature and be certain that marriage was the right call.

Too clingy

Losing love is usually caused by something that makes couples become distant. Yet, being too close can also be another reason. If you’re too clingy of a partner, then it can end up frustrating your spouse. Eventually, things will get to the point where they want distance more than anything else!

It’s good for couples to spend time with one another. Still, it’s also key to have some individual time, or time spent with family and friends. You can’t be too clingy, or expect your partner to only ever want to spend time with you.

Self-care After Divorce: Exercise is Key

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Life during and after a divorce can be stressful and draining. Because of this, it is very important to make sure you’re remembering to take care of yourself too. Making self-care after divorce a priority will help you to feel better mentally, emotionally, and physically. Especially when exercise is involved…

Self-care After Divorce: Benefits of Exercise

Exercise Makes You Feel Happier

First off, exercise can make your body release endorphins, which can make you feel happy. Divorce can be very tough, and endorphins can help lift your mood and make you feel better. You don’t have to run a marathon in order to get these endorphins flowing. Even just thirty minutes of moderate-intensity exercise can release mood-lifting endorphins.

Exercise Relieves Stress

In the same way, exercise can help relieve stress. Tension and stress can build-up during and after the divorce process. Yoga is a great form of exercise to alleviate stress. It is low-impact, and focuses on breathing, stretching, and mindfulness. Even while gyms are closed due to Covid-19, there are many yoga classes that can be taken on apps like Down Dog or even YouTube. However, yoga isn’t the only exercise to reduce stress; almost any form of exercise can.

Equally important, exercise can help you to sleep better. This is because you may fall asleep faster and sleep deeper. A good night’s rest is a great way to reduce stress levels.

Exercise Helps Improve Health

Weight fluctuations are common during and after a divorce. Whether it’s gaining or losing too much weight, quick changes like this can be unhealthy. When people exercise, they tend to eat healthier and make smarter choices about alcohol and junk food. This can lead to a healthier weight and improving your overall health. When your body is healthier, it will be ready to face any challenges or obstacles that come your way.

Exercise Improves Self-Esteem

Getting out and moving will not only help you feel better, but it will help you look better too. Exercise helps to build and tone muscles, as well as trim fat. In some situations, divorce can hurt someone’s self-esteem. If you feel like you look better, it will help you feel more confident and happier.


While divorce can negatively impact your overall health, stress levels and happiness, exercise is a great way to regain control over these parts of your life. While it’s easy to get caught up in so many other things right after a divorce, don’t forget to take care of yourself.

Divorce Logistics: What To Consider

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

There’s a lot more to a divorce than you may initially think. In particular, you’ll need to consider some divorce logistics that you have to sort out. These factors will be important for making sure you can give your divorce the attention it needs…

Divorce Logistics: Important Elements

Place to stay

One important part of divorce logistics is where you will be staying. Some couples will decide to keep living in the same home while handling the divorce. Usually, this is because they can keep the peace and stay out of each other’s way. This makes it a lot easier for both parties to focus on the divorce.

However, you may not be able to do this. Instead, it may be the case that you need to find some other place to live. While an apartment may be the most apparent solution, you can also reach out to family too. Staying with family can help you save a bit of extra money, which is quite helpful.

Time off work

Your job is also going to be a divorce logistics factor. There’s going to be a lot of times when you’ll need to take care of something which falls on a workday. As such, you’ll need to ensure you can make the time for them by being able to take time off of work.

Most people will make use of things like vacation or sick days to do this. Still, it’s good to try and talk to your boss or supervisor about what’s going on. Many times, they’ll understand what you’re going through and the time you need to take care of it. So long as you can get your work done, they’ll probably be willing to help you out when you need to take some time off.

Watching the kids

Having kids can really change how you approach your divorce. They also are another thing that you need to factor some divorce logistics around. With both work and the divorce, you and your ex probably won’t be able to always watch the kids when needed.

Therefore, you want to make sure someone will be able to watch the kids when needed. Friends and family are great for this. If they can, they’ll usually try and help you out by watching your kids. Of course, well-reviewed babysitters are also good should your friends and family not be available.

How-to Regain Your Confidence After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce can really do a number on your confidence and self-esteem. You may feel like you have completely lost your identity. The divorce may have shattered your confidence. This can really affect your mental health. It may take time to get that back. By taking proactive steps, you can regain your confidence after your divorce.

How-to Regain Your Confidence After Divorce: Post-Divorce Healing

Support System

One way to help regain your confidence after divorce is by having a strong support system. Remember that there are people who know and love you. Surround yourself with people who can be beneficial if your overall health and well-being. Being social will not only help you reestablish your life, but also your self-esteem and confidence. This will allow you to show others around you that you are not permanently broken and that this life experience will not define you.

Consider reaching out to people who knew you before before you met your former spouse. You can reconnect with people who are far away distance-wise by using platforms like Skype, Zoom or Facetime. Even during COVID, you can get creative and reconnect with an old workout buddy by using a workout app. The most important thing to remember is that your self-worth is not dependent on your former partner. In the same way, you were a good friend before your partner and you will be a good friend after them too. Your friends will be able to help remind you of all of the great things about yourself that you may not be able to see right now.

Reestablish Your Identity

You will also begin to retain your confidence after divorce by reestablishing your identity. This may mean getting involved in activities you previously enjoyed, or completely reinventing yourself. Start by decorating your space to feel like you. You can do this whether you are still living in the same place as you did when you were married, or if you moved to a new place. Either way, think of this as a fresh start and make your home express your own personality. Think about different hobbies you have been wanting to try, and go try them. You may find something you really enjoy to fill up your time.

In the same way, also participate in things you have previously enjoyed as well. Make a list of all of the things you loved doing and what made you happy. Do you love playing tennis? Getting back on the courts may be just want you need for a confidence boost. This will also give you a boost of serotonin to make you feel happy and feel better. Sometimes, the most important part of reestablishing your identity is just remembering who you are deep down inside.

Divorce can certainly be hard on your self-esteem. However, it is possible to regain your confidence after your divorce. Start by finding a good support system to lean on, and find identity again. Before long, you will be feeling confident once more.