Relationship Abuse: Different Types

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Relationship abuse can take many forms. It’s important to know the various types of abuse so that you can recognize them in your own life and in the lives of people you care about. Physical abuse is the most well-known type of abuse. It involves physical acts of aggression. However, relationship abuse doesn’t have to be physical. Sometimes emotional or verbal abuse is equally as harmful. Sexual abuse can be a form of both physical and emotional abuse. And finally, financial abuse involves using money to harm your partner. If you notice your partner doing any of these things, reach out and get support as soon as possible so that you can safely leave the relationship.

Relationship Abuse: Different Types and Forms of Abuse

Physical

The type of relationship abuse that many people think of first is physical abuse. This involves one partner hurting the other physically. It might be hitting, kicking, strangling, or any other way of causing pain. Physical abuse can also include restraining or even things like driving recklessly. Anything that makes a victim fear for their safety is physical abuse.

Verbal/Emotional

Another form of relationship abuse is verbal abuse or emotional abuse. Often, this involves the abuser making their partner feel worthless. Many abusers make their victims question their actions. Emotional abuse can be much harder to spot because it doesn’t leave marks. However, it can be just as damaging as other forms of abuse. Emotional abuse can harm a person’s self-confidence for the rest of their life.

Sexual

Sexual abuse is another form of relationship abuse. Sex should be consensual between two partners. Anytime it is not is considered sexual abuse. This type of abuse can also include withholding sex or using it as a weapon. Sex shouldn’t be used as a way to show power or control in a relationship. Instead, it should make a relationship stronger.

Financial

One last type of relationship abuse is financial abuse. This is all about control. Often the abuser will prevent their partner from being able to get a job to earn their own money. Or they will withhold money entirely. Others go through their partner’s spending habits with a fine-tooth comb and question everything. This can also take the shape of an abuser taking out credit cards in their partner’s name and running up large amounts of debt. Relationship abuse can take many different forms. But often it boils down to control. Abusers like to make their victims feel out of control and powerless. They’ll do this by taking away their self-confidence in any way they can. They might hurt their partner by hitting or strangling to show their power. Others use words to slowly break down their victim’s self-confidence. Others use sex in a relationship as a way to control their partner. And finally, some use money or withhold money to prevent their victims from feeling independent. It’s important to be able to recognize abuse in its many forms. You’ll be able to spot it in your own life but also can look out for loved ones as well. If you are in an abusive relationship, reach out for support. It’s important to get the help you need so that it doesn’t cause lasting harm.

Marriage on the Rocks: Improving Your Relationship

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Improving your relationship is a great thing to do in any marriage, but especially if yours is on the rocks. Marriage takes work and effort on the part of both spouses. It’s easy to get comfortable and lazy in a relationship and stop making that effort. If you feel like you and your partner are struggling, start writing things down. This can often help you gain a new perspective. Go visit a marriage counselor and see if they can give you advice on improving your communication. Sit down and have an honest conversation about your fears. And finally, take a short and planned break if you need one. Not a break from the marriage but take a long weekend to get a little time to yourself. Hopefully, you’ll be able to either improve and strengthen your marriage or gain the insight that you need to realize things truly aren’t working.

Marriage on the Rocks: Improving Your Relationship to Avoid Divorce

Write Things Down

Improving your relationship sometimes just means that you need to gain a little insight into things. It’s easy to get lost in an argument and forget all the great times you’ve had. Or maybe you are just going through a tough period in your relationship. Writing things down can help you see patterns of behavior. Write down all of your concerns and complaints, and then write down the positives in your marriage. If your complaints seem small and petty, it might just be that you need some alone time or a stress-reliever in some other way. If the problems are huge and overwhelming, maybe the relationship needs some help.

See a Marriage Counselor

Another way of improving your relationship is to go see a marriage counselor. They can help with several relationship stressors. For instance, they can often give couples great advice on learning how to communicate better. In addition, they might give you some useful tips for handling stress together. This is especially helpful if you are going through a difficult relationship period, like dealing with a loss, aging parents, young children, or other problems.

Be Open and Honest

Sitting down and having an open and honest conversation with your partner is another way of improving your relationship. While it might seem like something that easily could spiral into a fight, things will go better if you plan it out in advance. For example, let your partner know that you’d like to plan a night where you can discuss relationship goals. Then both of you can, hopefully, calmly discuss the issues and figure out ways to solve them together.

Take a Short Time-Out

Finally, sometimes improving a relationship isn’t really about the relationship, it’s more about your mental health. If you’re under a lot of stress, it can be putting a big strain on your marriage. And after a few years of pandemic life, this is even more common. You might just require a little “me time.” If this is the case, plan to take a brief and pre-determined mini vacation. This isn’t an excuse to pretend like you’re single. Rather, it’s just a short breather to take some time to focus on yourself and yourself only for a little while. If your marriage is on the rocks, improving your relationship can seem overwhelming. If you truly are having major problems, then it might just be becoming apparent that you and your partner are not meant to be together. However, if you are both determined to make your marriage work, then there are things you can do to make things better. Write things down to give yourself a chance to see the bigger picture. Seek out a marriage counselor and have an open mind about their advice. Sit down and have an honest discussion with your partner. And if you need to, take a short break from them to give yourself a chance to focus on your personal needs. Hopefully, you’ll be able to come together as a couple and make your marriage stronger than ever.

Choosing a Marriage Counselor

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Choosing a marriage counselor can be an important factor in the success of your therapy journey. If you and your spouse are considering marriage counseling, talk about what you’d like to have in a therapist. Make sure that you have similar goals in mind for therapy and then start trying to find somebody that fits the bill. Interview several therapists to get an overall sense of their approach. Consider your budget and if your insurance might help pay for the therapy. You and your partner both need to agree with your therapist. Establish some goals with your counselor early and make sure that they are continuing to work towards them. And finally, trust your gut. If things don’t feel like they’re progressing, find somebody else. You and your partner need to agree on your counselor so that you both feel comfortable.

Choosing a Marriage Counselor: How to Pick the Best Fit

Interview Several

When choosing a marriage counselor, interview several before making your decision. You want to find a good fit for both you and your partner. Figure out what each therapists’ style is and see if it’s a match for your personality. You want to find somebody that you both feel very comfortable with and are open to sharing personal information with.

Consider Budget

Budget is always a consideration when choosing a marriage counselor. Therapy can be expensive, especially out of pocket. Talk to your insurance provider and see if any sort of therapy is covered by your insurance. You can also ask the therapist when you call whether they accept your insurance. If you need to pay out of pocket, make sure that that is something you and your spouse both agree on.

Establish Goals

When choosing a marriage counselor, it’s a good idea to establish your goals ahead of time. Decide if you are wanting therapy to stay together and strengthen your relationship. Or if you are looking for therapy to decide to separate. If you want your goal to be staying together, make sure that your counselor is in agreement with that goal and working towards it.

Trust Your Gut

Finally, trust your gut when choosing a marriage counselor. If something feels unprofessional or like it’s not a great fit, move on to somebody else. You should also never feel like your counselor is siding with either one of you. Nobody wants to feel ganged up on, so if it feels like your counselor is taking sides, then they aren’t being professional. Move on to a different therapist that is a better fit. Choosing a marriage counselor is a big decision when it comes to the overall health of your marriage. And marriage counseling doesn’t have to happen because you’re having troubles. It’s a great idea to see a therapist even when things are great. They can help you identify why things are going so well and give you ways to get back to that feeling when things get tougher. Interview several therapists and figure out who is going to be a good fit. Take your budget into consideration and check into your insurance. Establish goals ahead of time with your counselor and make sure they’re working towards them with you. And finally, trust your gut and find a new therapist if things don’t feel like a good fit. Both you and your partner need to feel good about your choice so that you can get the most out of your counseling sessions.

Surviving Quarantine with Your Family

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

With Covid cases exponentially increasing, surviving quarantine with your family might be on your horizon. Whether you contract Covid or have exposure, classrooms and daycares are closing down all over the country. There is a very good chance that at some point in the next few weeks, your children will be home from school. Kids have lots of energy if they are feeling well, and need lots of attention if they are sick. So either way, you need a plan. Get outside as much as possible. Schedules a few breaks during your day where you know you can take a few minutes to yourself. Use all the resources available to you like online school and calls with family. And finally, if you have restrictions on screen time, lift them. It’s survival mode at this point! Hopefully, you can get through your quarantine safely, healthily, and sanely.

Surviving Quarantine with Your Family: Fighting Cabin Fever

Get Outside

Surviving quarantine with your family is easier if you plan to be outside as much as possible. The fresh air will improve everybody’s mood, and children can burn a lot of energy running around outside. Rather than go to public places like parks, just plan to take walks around your neighborhood. Just make sure to keep your distance away from others. Try a scavenger hunt to make things more exciting on your walks. And if it’s rainy, put on some boots and splash in puddles.

Schedule Breaks

Another important thing to do when surviving quarantine with your family is to schedule breaks. If you are working full time while also watching kids, try to make a plan during the day for when the kids can watch tv. That way you know that at a certain time, you can concentrate wholly on work. Or perhaps you and your partner could switch off some to give each other some time off.

Use All Your Resources

Surviving quarantine with your family is all about using all available resources. There are lots of online options for helping to keep your children entertained that are not quite as mindless as cartoons. For example, you can tour historical places, museums, and zoos virtually. If everybody feels well you can also try a kid-friendly yoga video on YouTube. Or call in some reinforcements and ask a family member to FaceTime with your children and send them on missions to find scavenger hunt items throughout the house. There are even online daycare programs and storytimes that you can tune into for younger kids.

Give In to Screen Time

Finally, if you are surviving quarantine with your family, it’s truly what it sounds like: survival. Now is not the time to stick to a strict restriction of screen time. You need breaks as well, so putting on a movie or TV show is helpful if you need a few minutes to yourself. While it’s not healthy to allow tons of screen time every day of their lives, a few days of extra TV is not going to do any lasting damage to your children. And it might save your sanity!

Surviving quarantine with your family is something that you might need to prepare yourself for in the coming weeks. Whether you catch Covid or are just quarantining for a possible exposure you need a plan. Having kids out of school can easily get overwhelming, and just having the whole family at home all the time can put a strain on your marriage. Get outside for walks as much as you can. Schedule TV time or switch off with your partner to get some breaks throughout the day when you can. Use all of your resources and ask family members to help you virtually entertain your children. And finally, it’s ok to give into screen time for a little while because you need some breaks for your mental health. Hopefully, you won’t have to quarantine at all, but if you do, you’ll be prepared.

New Year, New You: Moving on After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Moving on after a divorce can be a long and difficult process. And it can look different for everybody. But if you’ve recently gone through a divorce, the new year is a great time to set goals for yourself and what you want in your life. It’s a time to begin the healing process and start making yourself a priority again. Try to find a new hobby that you can focus on, or learn something new. In addition, starting new hobbies is a great way to meet new people. Take plenty of time to heal from the pain of the divorce process, and reach out for help if you need it. Finally, if you feel ready, get back into the dating pool and see if you can find somebody that you’d like to connect with. You never know when you’ll meet somebody special!

New Year, New You: Moving on After a Divorce in a Healthy Way

Find a New Hobby

One important aspect of moving on after a divorce is to keep yourself busy. It will distract you from all of the stress and bitter feelings of the divorce process. One great way to do this is to pick up a new hobby or interest. There are plenty of sports or exercises you can try like yoga, jogging, or hiking. You can also take up an artistic hobby like painting. Find something that brings you joy. In addition, you’ll probably feel a sense of pride as you excel in your new hobby.

Meet Some New People

Another great way of moving on after a divorce is to meet new people. This doesn’t have to be potential love interests. It could just be getting out there and making new friends. There are plenty of local meetup groups for divorcees, as well as group exercise classes you can try. You might not be looking to find a new partner, but you never know who you’ll meet when you put yourself out there.

Take Time to Heal

Moving on after a divorce can take a long time. But it’s important to go at your own pace and take plenty of time to heal. You might have had a very painful breakup or a stressful divorce proceeding. Take time to prioritize your mental health. If you feel like you need some professional help or just want a little extra support, reach out to a therapist. They can help you address your feelings, move on, and deal with stress.

Get Back to Dating

Finally, moving on after a divorce is easiest when you have a new love interest to focus on. When you feel like you are ready to be open and trusting with another person, try dipping your toes into the dating pool again. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself to find your next soul mate. Instead, take time to enjoy dating. Take things slowly with a new partner and try to have fun with it. Moving on after a divorce can take weeks, months, or years. Every person is different and every divorce is different. Everyone has to move at their own pace. However, it’s easy to get bogged down by the stress and pain of a breakup. Make sure that you are still taking time to try new hobbies to take your mind off of things. In addition, try to make new friends and put yourself out there in social situations. Don’t forget to make time to prioritize your mental health, though, and reach out for professional support if you need some extra help. And finally, when you feel ready, try dating again. Just remember to enjoy yourself and have fun with it. Divorce is painful and stressful, but it also opens the door for a new chapter in your life.

Handling the Holidays with a Foster Child

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Handling the holidays with a foster child can feel like a lot to handle, especially if it’s your first year with them. The holidays are overwhelming for everybody, and they can be an especially emotional time. This is no different for foster children. Prepare them upfront about what your traditions are. Introduce your family and friends to them slowly, and preferably ahead of time. Be available to talk if they are feeling emotional. And finally, try to make space for their own beliefs and traditions, even if they’re different from yours. Hopefully, you can make this holiday season magical for your foster child and give them a wonderful memory to hold onto forever.

Handling the Holidays with a Foster Child: How to Make it Magical

Prepare Them Up Front

The holidays with a foster child are much easier if you prepare them upfront. Things can feel very overwhelming for anybody at Christmas, but especially a young child. Everybody is stressed out, schedules are off, and everybody is running around trying to do so many things. Let your foster child know in advance what types of traditions you follow and how you’d like to include them.

Introduce Family Slowly

When handling the holidays with a foster child, introduce family slowly. It might feel very overwhelming to attend a huge holiday event with a lot of extended family members if they haven’t met anybody. See if you can have a few people over in smaller groups ahead of the celebrations. That way, your child will recognize them and will feel less anxious.

Be Available to Talk

Another thing that’s important when handling the holidays with a foster child is to be available to talk. They might be feeling a lot of emotions over the holidays. They might experience a whole range of emotions including anxiety, sadness, and excitement. Give them some space if they seem like they want privacy, but let them know that you are there if they want to talk.

Accommodate Their Beliefs

Finally, when handling the holidays with a foster child, try to accommodate their beliefs. They might have special traditions that they remember from holidays past with their biological family or other foster families. Incorporating this into your holiday routine will show them how important they are to you. Handling the holidays with a foster child can be an exciting but also stressful situation. Everybody is rushing around and busy over the holidays, so it’s easy to get overwhelmed and forget to take a pause. However, it’s important to keep an eye on your child and make sure that they are handling things ok. Prepare them upfront and let them know what to expect over the holidays. If you are getting together with a lot of extended family members, see if you can introduce them slowly ahead of time. Be available to talk if they need some extra support. And give them space if they seem like they need it. And finally, try to accommodate their beliefs and personal traditions. This will help them feel included and can ease anxiety and sadness. Hopefully, you can make this time of year magical for your foster child!

Affording Adoption: Finding the Funds

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Affording adoption can be a tricky situation for many families. There is no way around it: adoption is expensive. However, there are plenty of different things to look into if you are trying to figure out how to raise the money for adoption. It’s best to start by figuring out your total costs. Then you can try getting creative with fundraising. You can also investigate bank loans to see if financing is possible. And finally, look into tax credits and grants for the public to help offset adoption costs. Hopefully, you can find a way to raise the money needed. Adoption is a beautiful way to add to your family and forever change the life of a child and yourself.

Affording Adoption: Finding the Funds to Complete Your Family

Figure Out Your Up Front Costs

The best place to start when looking into affording adoption is to figure out how much it will cost in the end. Your chosen adoption agency will be a good place to start to figure out how much money you’ll need. Don’t forget to budget the cost of travel if you will be traveling to meet your child. You’ll also need to include adoption fees, attorney fees, and the costs of providing the supplies you’ll need for your child.

Fundraising

Affording adoption can also be easier if you try fundraising. There are plenty of creative options to try and raise some money. You can go to your local church to see if they have any programs to help offset adoption costs. You can also try traditional fundraising methods, like starting a GoFundMe page, bake sale, car wash, or garage sales. Many couples begin an adoption blog.

Loans

Affording adoption can also be easier if you apply for a loan. Many banks have options available to help couples afford the steep costs of adoption. Some adoption agencies have financing options as well. You can try taking out a personal loan. In addition, if you own your own house and have equity in it, you might be able to borrow against it using a line of credit.

Grants and Tax Credits

Finally, affording adoption is easier when you look into grants and tax credits. Many federal and national non-profits have grant programs for adoption costs. The IRS also offers a tax credit for adoption. Some jobs will include some benefits for employees looking to adopt.

Affording adoption can be a source of stress for many couples. However, there are many options available to help with the steep costs. The first step is to figure out the total anticipated costs of the adoption process. Don’t forget the costs to the adoption agency, attorney, traveling, outfitting your home, and the general cost of raising a child. You can try fundraising for the money and setting up a GoFundMe or blog to keep friends and family in the loop. Ask your bank about potential loans to help finance the adoption. And finally, look into federal grants and tax credits to help offset the costs. Hopefully, you’ll be able to figure out how to raise the money to bring the newest member of your family home.

Supporting a Friend Through A Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Supporting a friend through a divorce is one of the kindest things you can do to help them. This is likely one of the most stressful things they will go through. It helps to have a friend by your side the whole way. Be a good listener and do more listening and less talking. Your friend might need a shoulder to cry on. They might also need somebody to vent their frustration to, but try not to engage in trash talk. In addition, help them with the day-to-day necessities. Sometimes, just picking up groceries, taking the dog for a walk, or babysitting is the best help you can give. And finally, include them in your plans. They likely will be feeling lonely sometimes, so it’s nice to invite them out. They’ll be very glad to have such a good friend by their side.

Supporting a Friend Through A Divorce: How to Be Helpful

Be a Good Listener

Supporting a friend through a divorce is often a lot about listening. Try to do more listening without chiming in too much. Talking out loud is a great way for them to sort through their feelings about the divorce. Try to let them experience a wide range of emotions without judging or trying to change their mind.

Don’t Engage in Trash Talk

Another thing you can do when supporting a friend through a divorce is to avoid engaging in trash talking. They might feel the need to vent their frustrations to you. They might have a lot of bitterness, resentment, and anger. They might even cycle frequently between anger and sadness, or any other spectrum of feelings. While it’s fine to listen to what they say about their ex, try not to engage.

Help With the Day to Day

Supporting a friend through divorce often means helping them with day-to-day activities. They are suddenly handling everything on their own and their schedule is likely very different. They might need you to help them with the logistical side of things. For example, you could take their dog for a walk, or do some dishes while you’re there. Or do a quick clean-up, help them organize bills, or cook a meal. And of course, if they are now parenting solo, childcare is a great help.

Include Them

Finally, when supporting a friend through a divorce, it’s nice to include them in your plans. They will be facing holidays that look very different than they used to. For example, they might be splitting custody with their ex. In this case, they might be missing their children during the holidays. Try to remember to include them in your plans. Invite them to dinner, over for a movie night, or just reach out for a coffee. While it might seem awkward to invite somebody to your Christmas dinner or an anniversary celebration, it can be very helpful for them. Supporting a friend through a divorce is one of the most helpful things you can do. It’s hard watching a friend go through the stress of divorce. However, knowing they have you there by their side will be a great help. Try to be a good listener when they need to vent their frustration. However, avoid engaging in trash talk. It never does anybody good, and it could come back to bite you. Help them with day-to-day tasks that they might get overwhelmed by. You can do small things around the house to help, or take on some childcare. And finally, include them in your plans so that they aren’t lonely. Your company will be a great distraction for them. Hopefully, it will be an easy transition for them. But it will be much easier with you helping them through it.

How-to Help Kids Understand Divorce: Difficult

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Every child is going to react differently when learning that their parents are getting a divorce. Of course, the age that a child is at will determine their understanding of what is going on. In some families, the children may be very aware of what is going on. In other instances, the parents may hide all of their disagreements from their kids. While every situation will be different, there are a few tips that can help kids understand divorce.

How-to Help Kids Understand Divorce: Preparing for the Talk

Planning For It

The best way to help kids understand divorce is to talk about it. Part of how a child will react will be based on how the parents tell their children that they are getting a divorce. Parents should put thought and consideration into how, when, and where they break the news to their children. It may be helpful to have the entire family meet together as a family so that the parents can answer the children’s questions. In this type of setting, there will be less opportunity for parents to blame the other for the divorce. Make sure to plan a family meeting to have this big conversation. Go ahead and think through and plan out what is going to be said at this meeting. Parents should do their best to stay calm during this conversation. It will be best to plan to have a follow-up meeting to answer any further questions and address concerns.

Things to Say

Children often find divorce hard to understand. To help kids understand divorce, keep the initial conversation to the basics. Otherwise, it could get very overwhelming and confusing. The most important thing is for kids to know that their basic needs are still going to be met. They will also want reassurance that they will be able to continue a relationship with both parents if that is possible. Kids may not understand that a divorce is final, so that is something parents need to discuss so that kids do not have false hopes. It is easy for children to think that it is their fault that their parents are getting a divorce. Parents need to reassure kids that this is not their fault.

Listen

To help kids understand divorce, it is important to listen to their questions and concerns. Children will have worries about how their life will change, and parents need to be mindful of that. By listening to kids’ concerns and questions will show that the parents care. Parents should not be alarmed if they have to answer questions and give reassurance many times during this process. Also, parents should ask children about their fears and concerns, so that the parents show the kids that they care. It also shows kids that it is okay to be open about those feelings. Telling kids about divorce is never easy. There are ways to help kids understand divorce. Once they understand it, it will help the transition process to hopefully be a bit smoother.

Ease Your Child’s Anxiety About Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Your child’s anxiety about divorce might make you feel guilty, but remember that you’re making the best decision for them in the end. They should grow up with functional co-parents than constantly fighting married parents. Know some common ways that children show anxiety and be on the lookout. Remember that calendar, repetition, and routine are your friends. Talk it out with your children and be a sounding board for them when they have questions. And finally, reassure them constantly and give them time to adjust. This is a new lifestyle for them too, so it can take some getting used to. Kids are resilient though and typically adjust to new changes fairly quickly.

Ease Your Child’s Anxiety About Divorce: Help Through the Difficult Time

Signs of Anxiety

If you want to ease your child’s anxiety about divorce, it’s important to be able to recognize it first. Children show anxiety in many different ways and a lot depends on their age and personality. However, some classic signs of anxiety would be an increase in moodiness or if they get upset easily. Some children show more aggressive behavior than usual. And others regress with things like potty training or sleep. If you see any of these signs, it might indicate that your child is feeling some stress over the divorce.

Routine

Children thrive on routines. Your child’s anxiety about divorce likely stems from the change to their schedule and lifestyle. If you and your ex can keep your routines consistent no matter which house the children are in, it will help your kids. Try to keep their wake-up times, bedtimes, mealtimes, and activities the same throughout the divorce process and afterward. Having a routine that they can count on gives children a sense of confidence and security.

Talk it Out

Another important thing to help ease your child’s anxiety about divorce is to talk it out with them. Make sure that you are always open and honest with them if they have questions about the divorce. Some children want to talk and some get quiet. However, they must know they can come to you with any questions or problems.

Reassure Them

Finally, your child’s anxiety about divorce might stem from a feeling of guilt. Many children begin to think that a divorce is their fault even if there’s no reason to think this. Constantly reassure them that the divorce had nothing to do with them. Also, make sure to reassure them all the time about how much they are loved. Even older children need to hear this more often when they are going through a stressful time. Your child’s anxiety about divorce is perfectly normal and expected. Almost all children react in some way to the stress of their parents splitting up. However, children typically bounce back very quickly and get used to a new routine. Be on the lookout for classic signs of anxiety-like moodiness or regressions. Keep their routine as similar as possible so that they can depend on their schedule. Make sure that your children know they can always talk to you about the divorce. And finally, reassure them constantly about how much you love them and that the divorce is not their fault. And remember, you are making the best decision for them in the long run because you will hopefully be happier post-divorce, which is the best thing for kids to see.