Making the Most of Mediation

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Mediation is a step that many couples take that can help prevent them from facing a full divorce trial in court. Agreeing to terms in mediation can help you keep costs lower and can expedite things. To make it successful, it’s important to remember to look at the bigger picture and not get bogged down by petty details. However, not all couples can settle their disagreements. So for some, mediation is a step along the way to divorce court. If you do decide to move forward with litigation, having an experienced attorney by your side can help you get the settlement you deserve.

Making the Most of Mediation: Getting What You Need

Mediation vs. Litigation

Mediation is a meeting between you and your soon-to-be-ex where you try to agree on your settlement amicably. A mediator will be there to facilitate things and make sure that arguments don’t escalate. If you and your ex cannot agree, you can move forward with litigation and go to a divorce trial where a judge will decide for you.

Benefits

There are a lot of benefits to mediation over litigation. You’ll have more control and say over things during a mediation session than you do in court. Additionally, it can save you a ton of money because it typically takes much less time than a trial. This can also be less traumatic for you and any children involved with custody issues.

Looking at the Bigger Picture

If you are trying to make mediation successful, it’s important to let go of the idea of “winning” the divorce. The goal is to come to an agreement that both parties can live with and that feels fair to each. Try to focus on the bigger picture and let go of petty squabbles. Don’t hold up negotiations for something that you don’t care about just to spite your ex. Instead, try to remember that if you can agree outside of court, you’ll both save money and time.

When Mediation Fails

While mediation can be a great solution for some couples, it doesn’t work for everybody. If you and your spouse have an especially contentious break-up, or if you simply don’t see eye to eye on issues, you’ll likely need to go to court. The most beneficial thing you can do is hire an experienced attorney to represent your interests. They’ll help you organize everything, put together a strong case, and negotiate on your behalf to get you the best settlement possible. Mediation can be a great solution for some couples so that they can avoid the hassle and money of divorce court. It can save you a lot of time and can be much less stressful. To make the most of mediation, try to keep your eyes on the bigger prize of amicable resolution rather than focusing on trying to beat your ex in court. Remember that you are trying to find compromises that work for you both. However, mediation doesn’t always work, and you might end up going to divorce court. If this is the case, boost your chances of getting a great settlement by hiring an experienced divorce attorney to represent your interests. Hopefully, you and your ex can resolve things quickly and amicably to avoid the stress of court.

Potential Signs of Infidelity in Your Marriage

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Looking for potential signs of infidelity in your marriage can get you into trouble. While nobody wants to be blindsided by a cheating spouse, it’s also important not to jump to conclusions. There are lots of reasons why your partner might be changing their routine. However, if you notice lots of these signs together, it could be a red flag. For example, if you see changes in their personality or their schedule. Or if you catch them in lies. Finally, if your gut is telling you something is wrong, dig a little deeper. The best way to figure out if a partner is being unfaithful is to have an honest conversation with them. Hopefully, your fears are unfounded and there is a completely benign reason for any concerning behavior.

Potential Signs of Infidelity in Your Marriage: Red Flags

Warning

Before you go looking for potential signs of infidelity, it’s important to remember that none of these indicators are foolproof. There are lots of reasons why a spouse might change their routine or be displaying personality changes that have nothing to do with cheating. Don’t jump to conclusions or condemn them without digging deeper and finding out for sure whether or not your feelings are justified.

Changes in Personality or Routine

One of the first potential signs of infidelity might be that you notice a change in personality or routine. For example, if your partner is suddenly on a health kick, or mentions a new “friend” at work in every conversation. Or if they suddenly seem distant, guilty, or on edge. If they begin staying late or working unusual hours, it can also be a reason to dig deeper.

Lying

Another potential sign of infidelity is if you catch your spouse in a lie. If they lie to you about their whereabouts, for example, it can be a potentially bad sign. Or if you sense that they are lying about who they’re spending time with. If they suddenly get overly protective of you using their phone or computer, it might be they are hiding something.

Your Gut Feeling

Finally, one of the most important potential signs of infidelity is your gut feeling. If your instincts are telling you that something is wrong with your marriage, it probably is. It may or may not be cheating, but it needs to be addressed either way. While your gut feeling certainly isn’t proof, it’s worth listening to. There are a lot of potential signs of infidelity that you might spot in your marriage over the years. However, none of these are definitive proof that your spouse is cheating. If you have a sense that there is infidelity, it’s important to sit down and have an honest conversation to get to the bottom of things. Try not to jump to conclusions until you know for sure whether or not your partner is cheating. If you notice concerning behaviors like changes in routine, changes in personality, or lies, it can be alarming. And if your gut is telling you that something is off, it can be stressful. However, it’s important to find out the truth before taking any drastic measures. Hopefully, there is nothing wrong and you and your spouse can move forward with more honest and open communication.

Potty Training Regressions After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Potty training regressions after divorce are very common and completely normal. Divorce is stressful for everybody, children included. Even if they don’t know what’s going on, they often pick up the tension in their parents and experience anxiety. This can lead to all sorts of behavioral regressions, potty training included. Be patient, and give your child time to bounce back. You can also go back to the basics of potty training like getting on a schedule and using a reward system. However, if the issues continue for months on end, it’s probably time to speak to a professional and make sure that your child is getting the emotional support they need to handle the stress. Hopefully, any regressions will be short-lived and you and your family will move on to your new routine quickly and painlessly.

Potty Training Regressions After Divorce: Totally normal

Why does it happen?

Potty training regressions after divorce are a very common reaction in younger children. Many things can upset a potty training schedule. Even things like a child not wanting to give up a toy or simply forgetting to use the bathroom. However, stress and anxiety can also wreak havoc on child behavior. Children react differently than adults do to stress, and sometimes the feeling of being out of control leads to potty training regressions.

Be Patient

If your child is suffering potty training regressions after divorce, the best thing that you can do is to be patient with them. These types of behavioral regressions tend to be short-lived. You might also notice things like disturbances in sleep patterns, food aversions, or behavioral issues. Otherwise chatty and easy-going children might be moody or quick to anger. Most regressions last about a month or so.

Addressing the Issue

To address the issue of potty training regressions after divorce, it can help to go back to the basics. Remind your child to use the bathroom every thirty minutes to one hour. Additionally, make sure to keep them on a very regular routine with sleeping and eating. Children thrive on consistency. You can also try out a reward system where children get a sticker or something fun when they remember to potty.

When to Get Help

If you have tried addressing the potty training regressions after divorce but it’s not working, it might be time to explore other options. Rule out any medical issues first. Then, consider having your child meet with a childhood psychologist or try out play therapy. It’s important to get to the root of their stress and give them healthy ways to cope. Sometimes, children open up more to adults who aren’t their parents. Potty training regressions after divorce are very common and very normal. Behavioral regressions in general are often a reaction to children going through stressful events. For example, divorce, adding a new sibling, moving, or changing schools. If your child is experiencing some regressions, be patient and remember that these things tend to only last a few weeks. If the behavior continues, try addressing it by maintaining a consistent schedule and installing a rewards system. Hopefully, your child will adjust to their new routine quickly. However, if the regressions continue for several months, it’s probably time to reach out to your pediatrician or another professional. Divorce is hard on everybody, kids included, so be patient and remember that this too shall pass.

Remarrying: A Leap of Faith

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

With how hard it can be to date again after a divorce, you’ll probably be pretty happy when you find someone you connect with. When things start to get more “serious”, thoughts of remarrying might cross your mind. However, what if you’re unsure about if things will be a repeat of last time? There’s a few things you can do to help ensure this marriage goes how you want…

Remarrying: Making It Work

Understand your baggage

Remarrying without some kind of baggage is basically impossible. Still, that doesn’t mean you should be afraid of that. Rather, it means you should take the time to understand what this baggage is, and why you may have it. Once you do that, then you can ensure it won’t interfere with your new marriage.

For example, say your last marriage ended due to infidelity. This might cause you to be suspicious of your partner if they’re running late or out of town. You could also have trouble trusting them. Eventually, this could cause problems if you don’t confront and move past it.

Be open & vulnerable

Another thing about remarrying is that it’s important to be open to your new partner. It’s understandable to worry about being too vulnerable. Doing so can make you feel exposed, and bring about fears that your partner will take advantage of that openness, potentially like your last one did.

While that openness can be scary, it’s also an important part of any trusting relationship. You and your partner have to both be able to be honest with each other. If you are willing to be vulnerable, they will be as well, and your bond will strengthen overall.

Keep expectations realistic

Remarrying tends comes with extra expectations. Not only do you want this marriage to go well, but you’ll also probably be comparing it to your previous one. Sometimes, these expectations can get a little out of hand, and take a toll on your relationship when things don’t live up to them.

To avoid this, you and your partner should keep those expectations realistic. Try to sit down and talk to each other about some of those key expectations you have. These could be about finances, handling conflicts, raising kids, or anything else you may think of. That way, you can both be on the same page and get your expectations set accordingly.

Extra Income Post-Divorce: Making Money

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

The financial costs of divorce can have you eager to start working again. Still, even when you start working, you might find yourself needing some more money. That’s why it’s useful to look for extra income post-divorce. There’s a few ways you can earn that extra bit of cash…

Extra Income Post-Divorce: Financial Independence

Sell old belongings

One way to get some extra income post-divorce is by selling off things you don’t need anymore. Everyone has some things which are just taking up space in the home. This could be old clothes sitting in the closet, or some decor or furniture that goes unused. Rather than letting it go to waste, it can be useful to try and sell them.

Even if it’s older or in rough condition, you’d be surprised how much you can get for old clothes, furniture, and other items. Plus, on top of getting some money, you also create space for new replacements. While an old-fashion garage sale can work well, there’s also a lot of stores which will take your old items off your hands.

Pick up a “side gig”

There’s been a lot of talk about “side gigs” these days. These are something you do outside of your main job to get a bit of extra cash. That means they’re also pretty handy for getting extra income post-divorce. What’s nice is that there’s a wide variety of gigs you can try your hand at.

For example, everyone is familiar with ride sharing services like Uber or Lyft. However, you could also try freelance writing if that sounds more up your alley. There’s also transcription services; many of them can be done online, and at your own leisure.

Look for seasonal work

Maybe you only need some extra income post-divorce for a short time. One common time people like to make more money is around the holidays. In these cases, where it’ll only be temporary, you could also look for any seasonal jobs that are hiring.

Like the name implies, these jobs will only need you to work for a short time. Plus, they’re usually eager to fill the positions. If you can find a way to fit them into your schedule, and don’t mind the work, then they can be a nice way to make some more money.

How-to Start Working Again After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

When going through a divorce, you will need to start thinking about your financial situation. Perhaps you were a stay-at-home parent during your marriage and do not have a job now. This life change may now require you to start working again after your divorce. This may be an easy transition for you, but some may also find it to be challenging to reenter the workforce.

How-to Start Working Again After Divorce: Life Transition Preparation

Finances

First, you will need to take a hard look at your finances. Perhaps even after the divorce, you will be in a financial situation where you do not have to work. However, it may be the case where you determine that you will need to start working again after the divorce. Depending on your finances, you will be able to determine if you will need to get a full-time or a part-time job. You will also need to consider if your skillset will allow you to get a job that can cover your expenses.

Continuing Education

Perhaps you have determined that you do not have the skills for a job that gets the income level that you desire or need. In this case, before you start working again, you may need to go back to school. There are quick programs that you can do, such as becoming a dental assisting or a licensed real estate agent. There are even bootcamps for coding classes or digital marketing that will fast-track you to a new career.

For you, getting back into your career may even just be a matter of taking a few continuing education courses to brush up on your knowledge and skills. If you have been out of the workforce for a while, your field likely has new made advancements. Refreshing and updating your skills will make you a more competitive candidate.

Evaluate Your Interests

You will want to evaluate your interests before you start working again. You may have went to school for one thing, but no longer be passionate about that anymore. It is very common for people to find a new career path during their life. Think about what things you enjoy doing and think about how you can apply those things to a job. You will be more likely to enjoy your job if you are doing something that you love.

While it can be daunting to think about going back to work after being out of the workforce for a while, or needing to find a new career that better fits your current situation, it is very possible to do this. Just look at your finances, take courses if needed, and consider your interests. Following these steps will help make the transition much easier.

Talking to Your Therapist About Abuse

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Talking to your therapist about abuse in your marriage or relationship can be painful but helpful. If you are dealing with past trauma, they can help you come to terms with it and find ways to minimize the emotional scars. If the abuse is ongoing, they can give you advice on how to de-escalate situations and get yourself to safety. Your therapist must maintain confidentiality, so it’s safe to tell them. However, don’t tell half-truths or lies if you want therapy to be effective. Opening up can be painful, but take it at your own pace. And finally, if you are feeling discomfort, talk to your therapist about it. Or figure out if it’s time to find somebody new to talk to. Hopefully, they can give you advice to help you safely exit the relationship to keep yourself safe from abuse.

Talking to Your Therapist About Abuse: Confidentiality and Comfort

Confidentiality

Talking to your therapist about abuse is confidential, as long as it does not actively involve a child. Therapists have to report concerns if they fear that you are in danger of hurting yourself. Or if they suspect child abuse or crime. However, if you want to be sure, ask them about their confidentiality policies. You don’t ever have to fear that word will get back to your abuser, though.

Don’t Tell Lies

When talking to your therapist about abuse, it’s important to be completely truthful. Don’t tell lies, omit important details, or tell half-truths. This won’t give your therapist the information they need to truly help you. If you want your therapy to be as effective as possible, then you’ll need to be completely honest.

Opening Up

It can be painful and uncomfortable when talking to your therapist about abuse in your relationship. Take things at your own pace, and go as slowly as you need to. Your therapist should be able to help you navigate this conversation at a pace that feels comfortable to you. Just remember that the more you open up, the more helpful they can be.

Discomfort

Finally, if you are experiencing a lot of discomforts when talking to your therapist about abuse in your marriage, it might be a sign that it’s not a great fit between you. You can talk to them about your discomfort and see if that helps reduce the tension. However, if you don’t feel completely comfortable about being vulnerable with your therapist, it might be time to find a new one.

Talking to your therapist about abuse in your marriage is one way to help reduce the emotional scars that come from this form of trauma. In addition, they can help you navigate the abuse to hopefully exit the relationship safely and de-escalate situations at home. Your therapist will keep everything you tell them in strict confidence in most situations, and you can always discuss their confidentiality policy ahead of time. Be fully honest with them if you want to get the most out of your sessions, and go as slowly as you need to when telling your story. Finally, if you are feeling uncomfortable, it might be a sign that you should have a conversation with your therapist or even begin the search for somebody that is a better fit. Hopefully, they can help you navigate this tough situation.

Dividing Student Loan Debt in a Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Dividing student loan debt in a divorce can get very complicated. Everybody knows that during a divorce, spouses must divide up their assets. But not everybody realizes that they also divide their debts. Divvying up student loan debt depends a lot on when you took out the loan as well as what the money was for. It also is important to lay out who benefitted from the loan. A judge will take into account many things when deciding to divide up marital assets. There isn’t any one answer on how loans are split. However, the goal of any judge is to make things fair and equitable for both parties. The best way to ensure that you are getting the best settlement possible is to hire an experienced divorce attorney to represent you.

Dividing Student Loan Debt in a Divorce: What Happens to Debt?

Pre-Marital vs. Marital Debt

When dividing student loan debt in a divorce, a judge will ask “when did you take out the loan?”. If you got the loan before marriage, then it is not a marital debt. Therefore, your spouse would likely not take on any of the debt during a divorce. However, the loan is a marital debt if you were in school when you married. Or if you took the loan out after marriage. In this case, a judge will decide how to split it fairly.

Where Did the Money Go?

Another question that a judge will try to answer is “where did the money go?”. If you used the money on something like housing, then your spouse also benefitted from it too. In this situation, they might be responsible for some of the debt. However, if it was entirely for tuition, a judge is more likely to assign the debt only to the student.

Who Benefitted from the Loan?

When trying to divide student loan debt in a divorce, a judge will also look at who benefitted from the loan. For example, if you divorce right after graduation, then your spouse is not likely to benefit at all from the loan. However, if your spouse graduated and used the credentials to get a high-paying job for many years before the divorce, then you did benefit. A judge is more likely to split the debt if you benefit from the money and your spouse’s education.

The Big Picture

While there are many factors that a judge takes into consideration when dividing student loan debt into a divorce, they are mostly looking at the big picture. For example, they will take into consideration things like each of your salaries and assets. They’ll also consider alimony and other spousal support payments. The goal is to divide your marital assets and debts equitably. When a judge is dividing student loan debt into a divorce, things can get a little messy. Just as with all aspects of divorce, a lot of factors contribute to the divvying up of debt. A judge will look at when you took out the loan as well as what you spent the money on. They’ll also think about who benefitted from the money and how it fits into the overall picture of your financial health as a couple. The goal of any divorce proceeding is to split up marital assets, property, and debts in a way that is fair to both parties. Hopefully, if you have concerns about student loan debt, your divorce attorney can help you navigate them and ensure that you get the settlement you are entitled to.

Dealing with Divorce Embarrassment

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
While it’s perfectly normal to go through a divorce, unfortunately, many people still experience divorce embarrassment afterward. There is absolutely no reason to feel shame about ending a marriage that is unhealthy. However, if you are struggling with these feelings, it can help to try to put things into perspective. Look at the bigger picture and remember that this is leading to better things for you. Cut out toxicity in your life if people are surrounding you that are adding to your guilt. Find a way to talk about your divorce, and practice it so that you are prepared when questions come up. And finally, if you are truly struggling with these feelings, it might help to speak to a therapist. Hopefully, they can help you learn some coping mechanisms and self-acceptance so that you can realize that divorce is not just an ending but also a new beginning.

Dealing with Divorce Embarrassment: Learning Self-Acceptance

Put Things in Perspective

One thing that can be very helpful if you are experiencing divorce embarrassment is to try to put things into perspective. Remember that this feels like a huge part of your life right now, but eventually, you will move on. And you might even move on with a person that is a much better fit. You can have an entire second life ahead of you, and this will be just a blip eventually. It’s also important to remember that it’s far more embarrassing to stay in a marriage that makes you unhappy for years and years than to go through a divorce.

Cut Out Toxicity

Divorce is incredibly common these days. However, there still might be some people in your life that make you feel ashamed of your marriage ending. This can add to divorce embarrassment and is uncalled for. Divorce can be very healthy if you are in an unhappy marriage. Cut out toxic people in your life that do not support your decision. Try to surround yourself with supportive friends and family who understand that you made the right decision for your family.

Find a Way to Talk About It

Dealing with divorce embarrassment can be difficult, especially when your divorce is brought up suddenly. Find a way to talk about your divorce, and practice out loud to yourself. Repeating the words to yourself can normalize them and make you feel more comfortable when talking to others. Try to remember that nobody will judge you for having this experience. You’ll meet many people throughout your life that have been through the same thing.

Therapy

Finally, if you are truly struggling with divorce embarrassment, it’s time to speak to a professional about it. A therapist can help you organize your thoughts and pinpoint where the shame is coming from. They can give you great coping skills to deal with stress. Finally, they can help you learn self-acceptance and help you see the positive side of divorce. Divorce embarrassment is completely normal, but there’s still no reason to experience shame about your marriage ending. Not only is divorce very common, but it’s also often the best thing for your future and well-being. Staying in an unhappy marriage is much worse than going through the stigma of a divorce. Try to remind yourself that you made the best decision. Cut out toxic people in your life that are making you feel ashamed about it. Practice talking about your divorce out loud so that you don’t feel embarrassed to speak to others about your experience. And finally, talk to a therapist if you are struggling with feelings of shame and guilt. Hopefully, you can move on quickly and begin the process of healing.

Spotting Signs of Depression After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Depression after divorce is very common. Divorce is a hugely stressful event, and it marks the end of a marriage and future that you imagined for yourself. It’s okay to grieve over this loss. However, if the grief seems to be affecting your whole life, it’s important to pay attention to signs of depression. A lack of energy or feeling of hopelessness, or sleep disturbances might indicate some depression as can a lack of enjoyment in things you normally like to do. If the grief is causing problems in your life, or if you ever have thoughts of harming yourself or others, it’s time to seek help immediately. Many treatments might be able to help you overcome these feelings and get back to living your life.

Spotting Signs of Depression After Divorce: Know the Symptoms

Lack of Energy

One of the signs of depression after divorce is a lack of energy. It’s perfectly okay to want to take a little break and rest after your divorce is finalized. After all, it’s an incredibly draining process that can last a long time. However, if many weeks have gone by and you’re finding it hard to muster the energy for leaving the house or participating in activities, it might be time to look for some support.

Sleep Issues

Sleep disturbances can also be one of the symptoms of depression after divorce to watch out for. That might mean insomnia keeping you up all night, or an inability to get out of bed and sleeping the day away. If the pattern is different from your typical sleep, then it’s a cause to speak to a doctor or therapist. Do not try to self-medicate to get to sleep because some sleep medicines can become addictive.

Lack of Enjoyment

Another sign of depression after divorce is a lack of enjoyment in normal activities. If you are finding it difficult to enjoy the things in life that you normally do, it’s a cause for concern. While it’s normal to feel the blues after a divorce, you don’t want it to be sucking all the joy out of your life. In addition, feeling hopeless, or feeling like things will never get back to normal can also be signs of depression.

When to Get Help

It’s important to reach out and get help if you are experiencing symptoms of depression after divorce. There are many therapies, treatments, and medications you can try that might help you get back on your feet and feel like yourself. If you ever have thoughts of harming yourself or others, call for help immediately. Call a friend or family member to help you, call 911, or try the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988. Depression after divorce is quite common, but that doesn’t make it less concerning or difficult to deal with. It’s important to get the support you need to get through this tough time. If you are noticing signs of depression like a lack of energy, lack of enjoyment out of activities, or sleep disturbances, it’s important to reach out for help. If you experience suicidal thoughts, it’s an emergency. Therapy can be very helpful, as can outpatient and in-patient treatment plans for depression. In addition, there are medications that a doctor might be able to prescribe that can help you overcome these feelings and get back to feeling like yourself. Hopefully, you can get the support you need to get back on your feet and look forward to the next chapter of your life.