New Partner Introductions: When It’s Appropriate

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

If you decide to try and date after your divorce, it can be pretty exciting when you find someone you really connect with. However, if you have kids, then you might be worried about making those new partner introductions. Having your partner meet your kids can be a bit nerve-wracking. That’s why you’ll want to make sure you help things go as smoothly as possible…

New Partner Introductions: Proper Setup

Decide a time

It’s important to decide an appropriate time to make new partner introductions. Mainly, you want to make sure you’re serious about your relationship. That means things are stable and well-established between you and your partner. Doing introductions too soon could cause your kids to develop attachments to partners who won’t be there for long.

Make sure you also handle these meetings during your parenting time. You don’t want to make these introductions while your ex is watching the kids. Not only will this confuse the kids, but it’ll also create tension between you and your ex.

Temper expectations

You’ll also want to temper your expectations for new partner introductions. Many parents want to make their partner’s first impressions go off without any issue. As a result, they place a lot of pressure on themselves and set high expectations. If those expectations aren’t reached, then they’ll feel like the whole thing was a failure.

The thing is, first impressions are rarely ever perfect, and this is no different. Things may be a bit awkward for your partner and kids, but that’s okay. This is just the first step in creating a relationship between them. Keep your expectations realistic and remember there will be more chances down the line to build a strong relationship.

Consider an activity

Something which can help break the ice during new partner introductions is when you do something together. Just bringing in your new partner and having a more-formal sit down can be awkward for everyone. Instead, doing some kind of activity can help everyone relax and make a good impression.

For example, you could decide to watch your kid’s favorite movie of show together. Or you could play on of their favorite games with them. Whatever you choose, make sure it’s something your kids enjoy and that you participate, so you can help both your partner and your kids feel a bit more at-ease.

Anxious Teen: Co-Parenting Woes

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Going through a divorce as a parent can be tough. After all, you don’t want to make things harder for your kids, especially if you have an anxious teen. With how tough being a teenager can be, it’s good for you and your ex to keep these key things in mind when co-parenting…

Anxious Teen: How To Help

Have clear boundaries

During this time, an anxious teen is going to need your support more than ever. Even if they appear to be distant, they still want to have your love and spend time with you. Still, you need to make sure that you have good boundaries because of this.

Mainly, you want to avoid talking about things related to their other parent with them. Don’t use them as a source for venting your frustrations. This will just make them more anxious, especially when they’re with their other parent. Instead, focus on what you can do together to improve your bond.

Set a good example

It’s important that you set a good example for your anxious teen. Studies have shown that teens are very much influenced by how their parents act. For instance, children of parents who tend to fight and argue a lot tends to have higher rates of anxiety and depression.

On the other hand, children of positive and supportive parents are much happier and recover from a divorce faster. This is a time where your teen is going to be trying to figure out who exactly they are. By being a good role model, you’ll help them find some positive answers to those questions.

Encourage co-parent connection

If you feel pretty poorly towards your ex, then you may be wary about letting your anxious teen spend time with them. However, this can result in your teen feeling “alienated” towards their other parent. Not only will this harm their relationship with their parent, but it’ll also cause conflict between you and your ex.

Your child needs to get support from both you and their other parent. At this point in their lives, they need to know that their parents still love them. Therefore, encourage your teen to spend time with their other parent, even on days where they may say they “aren’t in the mood.” They’ll quickly realize how important this time is.

Staying Friends with Your Ex: Post Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Not all divorces have to end poorly. It is possible to stay friends with your ex after a divorce. This may not be an immediate instant thing, but it is possible. However, you have many memories and experiences together, and know each other in a way that nobody else does. Just because you are no longer a romantic couple doesn’t mean you have to lose the great friendship you once had. This may be easier for some parties than others, and impossible for some all together.

Staying Friends with Your Ex: Tips

Time

The first key to staying friends with your ex is time. Divorce is never easy, no matter who initiated it. You may need time to heal and forgive. Give yourself time to work through your feelings. This could range from anger, sadness, denial, disgust, self-pity, or relief. It is important to take the time to grieve the loss of the relationship. Do not be afraid to cry. Have a girls night, or talk with someone about the feelings you are having.

Move Slowly

Do not expect it to be a quick process when trying to stay friends with your ex. Just because you want to be friends does not mean that relationship has to start as soon as the divorce papers are signed. You have to move at a pace that is right for both you and your partner. Remember, there was a reason that one of you broke things off in the first place.

If you are co-parenting, there is the chance for a family together to allow the new friendship to develop. For example, you could schedule family activities together like game night or weekly dinner together. Just take baby steps.

No Intimacy

Intimacy could complicate things. Just because you are wanting to stay friends with your ex does not open the door for intimacy. Do not let yourself fall into the trap that it is okay because you have done it before when you were married. The hormone that is released from intimacy is called oxytocin, and connects you to someone on a deep, emotional level. This could make things complicated, and lead you down a path that you do not want to go down. If you want to just be friends, and not friends with benefits, with your ex, stay away from intimacy.

Build Trust

After everything that happened before and during the divorce, it may feel difficult to trust one another. However, trust is an important part to becoming friends with your ex. A good place to start rebuilding trust is to follow through on what you say you will do. You should also tell the truth, keep your promises, and not bad mouth your ex to other people.

While staying friends with your ex may seem like a lofty goal, it is certainly possible by just following these steps. Remember, it will take time and may be a slow process, but work on building trust and a friendship may come in time.

Finding the Right Moment to Bring Up Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Finding the right moment to bring up divorce can mean the difference between getting an honest and thoughtful response from your partner or getting into a massive argument. Divorce is a bell that you cannot un-ring, so you should never just threaten it during a fight. Instead, you should put thought and time into your decision to even broach the subject, and feel confident that this is something you want to bring up with your spouse. The dynamic of your relationship might change after the conversation, even if you wind up staying together. Make sure you find the right setting so that you can have an open and vulnerable conversation. Start things off on the right foot by explaining where you are coming from and that you’ve put a lot of thought into this. Finally, be prepared for many different reactions. You might need to be patient and let your spouse think about the things you’ve said for a while and process. Hopefully, you both will wind up on the same page as far as the future of your relationship goes.

Finding the Right Moment to Bring Up Divorce: Planning Ahead

Not During a Fight

When finding the right moment to bring up divorce with your spouse, the most important thing to remember is not to do it during a fight. Throwing around divorce when you are extremely upset will make it seem like an idle threat, and can be very harmful to your relationship. Your partner might not realize that you are serious about your intentions, and it might come across as if you haven’t put any thought into it. Threatening divorce during fights can weaken your partner’s trust in you and can eventually cause damage to your marriage.

Right Setting

Finding the right moment to bring up divorce also means finding the right setting. You definitely don’t want to be overheard having this conversation, so choose someplace private. Your partner might also react emotionally, so make sure that you are alone together and not where others might see. Make sure that you and your spouse have plenty of uninterrupted time to discuss things, so make any childcare arrangements you need to to ensure that young ears aren’t overhearing you.

How to Begin the Conversation

Begin the conversation by letting them know that this isn’t a decision that you take lightly. Explain where you are coming from and the steps that you are taking to try to resolve issues with them before suggesting divorce. It can be helpful to let them know your thoughts, and then explain that you’d like to know how they are feeling about your relationship’s future as well. You might both be on the same page, or this might come as a shock to them. Be open to discussing things like marital counseling or a trial separation if they seem very reluctant to consider divorce.

Anticipating Possible Reactions

Finally, after finding the right moment to bring up divorce, you’ll need to give your partner some space to process the conversation. They might react in many different ways. They might become upset, cry, express anger, disbelief, hurt, or many other emotions. Try not to get defensive, and instead, let them know that you will be patient and give them time to think about your conversation. If things feel like they are heading towards an argument, excuse yourself from the conversation altogether and ask that you revisit things when you both have had time to think.

If you and your partner are on rocky ground and you are no longer happy in your marriage, it might be time to look at separating and moving down different paths in life. However, finding the right moment to bring up divorce can be difficult. You always want to ensure that your partner realizes this is something that you are giving a lot of thought to. So don’t bring up the topic during a fight or throw it around idly as a threat during arguments. Instead, find a quiet and private setting and make sure that you have plenty of uninterrupted time to discuss things. Let your partner know how much thought you are giving the idea of divorce, and tell them the reasons why you feel it’s the best option. Give them space to process their feelings and anticipate that they might have a lot of emotional reactions. If the conversation is devolving into an argument and doesn’t feel like it will be productive, give them space to think things over and revisit the conversation when you are both calmer. Hopefully, you both will be on the same page when it comes to your future and can move forward with an amicable divorce or can work on rebuilding your relationship back stronger than ever together.