Can My Marriage Survive Infidelity?

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

If you’ve been cheated on, you might be wondering if your marriage can survive infidelity. The bigger question to ask though is if you want that or not. Some couples decide mutually that they want to make the marriage work, while others decide on divorce. Take some time to figure out what your goal is. Talk it over with your spouse and see if they are on the same page. Seek the advice of a marriage counselor to help you resolve issues and move past the trauma. And finally, if you both want to get past it, put in the work. Marriage is hard work, so it takes some effort to make it successful. Only you and your partner can decide if you can move past infidelity.

Can My Marriage Survive Infidelity? How to Move Forward

Decide What You Want

After infidelity, you need to take some time to decide what you want out of your marriage. Some couples decide that they cannot get over these issues, and wind up getting a divorce. If you are determined to make it work though, think through what your goals are for the marriage. For example, think about whether you will be able to move past the cheating. Will you be able to trust again?

Talk It Over

Once you decide what you’d like to do after infidelity, talk things over with your spouse. Try to sit down for a calm conversation to get their views. It’s important to get to the bottom of the reasons for the cheating in the first place. If they do want to work it out and move forward, how will they deal with future hardships? If they do not want to move forward with the marriage, try to respect their decision. Keep in mind that being in a marriage where you put in all the effort and get none in return isn’t fair to you.

Seek Support

No matter which way you and your spouse decide to go after infidelity, a marriage counselor can help. For example, they can give you great ideas on how to improve communication. In addition, they can help you work together to achieve goals or to even decide what those goals should be. It’s best to see a counselor both as a couple, but also individually.

Put In the Work

Finally, if you are determined to move forward and work things out after infidelity, you need to put in the work. You and your partner won’t be able to magically forget about what happened. Instead, you’ll need to check in with one another constantly and keep up with counseling for a while. You and your partner will hopefully be able to get closer after this and strengthen your marriage even more.

Only you and your spouse can tell if you’ll be able to survive infidelity. A lot might depend on the reason for it in the first place. It also might depend on your family circumstances, whether you have children and your finances. All of these factors should play a role, but ultimately you need to decide if you feel like you can move on. Then you need to make sure that you and your partner are on the same page. If you both want to work things out, seek the advice of a marriage counselor. They will likely give you suggestions on how to strengthen your communication, which you’ll need to put into practice every day. You and your partner both need to re-commit to the marriage together. Hopefully, if you both decide you want to move forward, you can become even stronger in the long run.

Marriage on the Rocks: Improving Your Relationship

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Improving your relationship is a great thing to do in any marriage, but especially if yours is on the rocks. Marriage takes work and effort on the part of both spouses. It’s easy to get comfortable and lazy in a relationship and stop making that effort. If you feel like you and your partner are struggling, start writing things down. This can often help you gain a new perspective. Go visit a marriage counselor and see if they can give you advice on improving your communication. Sit down and have an honest conversation about your fears. And finally, take a short and planned break if you need one. Not a break from the marriage but take a long weekend to get a little time to yourself. Hopefully, you’ll be able to either improve and strengthen your marriage or gain the insight that you need to realize things truly aren’t working.

Marriage on the Rocks: Improving Your Relationship to Avoid Divorce

Write Things Down

Improving your relationship sometimes just means that you need to gain a little insight into things. It’s easy to get lost in an argument and forget all the great times you’ve had. Or maybe you are just going through a tough period in your relationship. Writing things down can help you see patterns of behavior. Write down all of your concerns and complaints, and then write down the positives in your marriage. If your complaints seem small and petty, it might just be that you need some alone time or a stress-reliever in some other way. If the problems are huge and overwhelming, maybe the relationship needs some help.

See a Marriage Counselor

Another way of improving your relationship is to go see a marriage counselor. They can help with several relationship stressors. For instance, they can often give couples great advice on learning how to communicate better. In addition, they might give you some useful tips for handling stress together. This is especially helpful if you are going through a difficult relationship period, like dealing with a loss, aging parents, young children, or other problems.

Be Open and Honest

Sitting down and having an open and honest conversation with your partner is another way of improving your relationship. While it might seem like something that easily could spiral into a fight, things will go better if you plan it out in advance. For example, let your partner know that you’d like to plan a night where you can discuss relationship goals. Then both of you can, hopefully, calmly discuss the issues and figure out ways to solve them together.

Take a Short Time-Out

Finally, sometimes improving a relationship isn’t really about the relationship, it’s more about your mental health. If you’re under a lot of stress, it can be putting a big strain on your marriage. And after a few years of pandemic life, this is even more common. You might just require a little “me time.” If this is the case, plan to take a brief and pre-determined mini vacation. This isn’t an excuse to pretend like you’re single. Rather, it’s just a short breather to take some time to focus on yourself and yourself only for a little while. If your marriage is on the rocks, improving your relationship can seem overwhelming. If you truly are having major problems, then it might just be becoming apparent that you and your partner are not meant to be together. However, if you are both determined to make your marriage work, then there are things you can do to make things better. Write things down to give yourself a chance to see the bigger picture. Seek out a marriage counselor and have an open mind about their advice. Sit down and have an honest discussion with your partner. And if you need to, take a short break from them to give yourself a chance to focus on your personal needs. Hopefully, you’ll be able to come together as a couple and make your marriage stronger than ever.

Choosing a Marriage Counselor

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Choosing a marriage counselor can be an important factor in the success of your therapy journey. If you and your spouse are considering marriage counseling, talk about what you’d like to have in a therapist. Make sure that you have similar goals in mind for therapy and then start trying to find somebody that fits the bill. Interview several therapists to get an overall sense of their approach. Consider your budget and if your insurance might help pay for the therapy. You and your partner both need to agree with your therapist. Establish some goals with your counselor early and make sure that they are continuing to work towards them. And finally, trust your gut. If things don’t feel like they’re progressing, find somebody else. You and your partner need to agree on your counselor so that you both feel comfortable.

Choosing a Marriage Counselor: How to Pick the Best Fit

Interview Several

When choosing a marriage counselor, interview several before making your decision. You want to find a good fit for both you and your partner. Figure out what each therapists’ style is and see if it’s a match for your personality. You want to find somebody that you both feel very comfortable with and are open to sharing personal information with.

Consider Budget

Budget is always a consideration when choosing a marriage counselor. Therapy can be expensive, especially out of pocket. Talk to your insurance provider and see if any sort of therapy is covered by your insurance. You can also ask the therapist when you call whether they accept your insurance. If you need to pay out of pocket, make sure that that is something you and your spouse both agree on.

Establish Goals

When choosing a marriage counselor, it’s a good idea to establish your goals ahead of time. Decide if you are wanting therapy to stay together and strengthen your relationship. Or if you are looking for therapy to decide to separate. If you want your goal to be staying together, make sure that your counselor is in agreement with that goal and working towards it.

Trust Your Gut

Finally, trust your gut when choosing a marriage counselor. If something feels unprofessional or like it’s not a great fit, move on to somebody else. You should also never feel like your counselor is siding with either one of you. Nobody wants to feel ganged up on, so if it feels like your counselor is taking sides, then they aren’t being professional. Move on to a different therapist that is a better fit. Choosing a marriage counselor is a big decision when it comes to the overall health of your marriage. And marriage counseling doesn’t have to happen because you’re having troubles. It’s a great idea to see a therapist even when things are great. They can help you identify why things are going so well and give you ways to get back to that feeling when things get tougher. Interview several therapists and figure out who is going to be a good fit. Take your budget into consideration and check into your insurance. Establish goals ahead of time with your counselor and make sure they’re working towards them with you. And finally, trust your gut and find a new therapist if things don’t feel like a good fit. Both you and your partner need to feel good about your choice so that you can get the most out of your counseling sessions.

Surviving Quarantine with Your Family

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

With Covid cases exponentially increasing, surviving quarantine with your family might be on your horizon. Whether you contract Covid or have exposure, classrooms and daycares are closing down all over the country. There is a very good chance that at some point in the next few weeks, your children will be home from school. Kids have lots of energy if they are feeling well, and need lots of attention if they are sick. So either way, you need a plan. Get outside as much as possible. Schedules a few breaks during your day where you know you can take a few minutes to yourself. Use all the resources available to you like online school and calls with family. And finally, if you have restrictions on screen time, lift them. It’s survival mode at this point! Hopefully, you can get through your quarantine safely, healthily, and sanely.

Surviving Quarantine with Your Family: Fighting Cabin Fever

Get Outside

Surviving quarantine with your family is easier if you plan to be outside as much as possible. The fresh air will improve everybody’s mood, and children can burn a lot of energy running around outside. Rather than go to public places like parks, just plan to take walks around your neighborhood. Just make sure to keep your distance away from others. Try a scavenger hunt to make things more exciting on your walks. And if it’s rainy, put on some boots and splash in puddles.

Schedule Breaks

Another important thing to do when surviving quarantine with your family is to schedule breaks. If you are working full time while also watching kids, try to make a plan during the day for when the kids can watch tv. That way you know that at a certain time, you can concentrate wholly on work. Or perhaps you and your partner could switch off some to give each other some time off.

Use All Your Resources

Surviving quarantine with your family is all about using all available resources. There are lots of online options for helping to keep your children entertained that are not quite as mindless as cartoons. For example, you can tour historical places, museums, and zoos virtually. If everybody feels well you can also try a kid-friendly yoga video on YouTube. Or call in some reinforcements and ask a family member to FaceTime with your children and send them on missions to find scavenger hunt items throughout the house. There are even online daycare programs and storytimes that you can tune into for younger kids.

Give In to Screen Time

Finally, if you are surviving quarantine with your family, it’s truly what it sounds like: survival. Now is not the time to stick to a strict restriction of screen time. You need breaks as well, so putting on a movie or TV show is helpful if you need a few minutes to yourself. While it’s not healthy to allow tons of screen time every day of their lives, a few days of extra TV is not going to do any lasting damage to your children. And it might save your sanity!

Surviving quarantine with your family is something that you might need to prepare yourself for in the coming weeks. Whether you catch Covid or are just quarantining for a possible exposure you need a plan. Having kids out of school can easily get overwhelming, and just having the whole family at home all the time can put a strain on your marriage. Get outside for walks as much as you can. Schedule TV time or switch off with your partner to get some breaks throughout the day when you can. Use all of your resources and ask family members to help you virtually entertain your children. And finally, it’s ok to give into screen time for a little while because you need some breaks for your mental health. Hopefully, you won’t have to quarantine at all, but if you do, you’ll be prepared.

What Happens During Marriage Counseling?

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Many people wonder what happens during marriage counseling. If you and your partner are thinking about going to a counselor, you might want to know what you can expect to learn. Of course, everything depends on the couple and the therapist. However, there are a few things that you will likely learn with almost any counselor. One of these is communication. You’ll probably also cover some conflict resolution. Many counselors give you real tools for dealing with difficult life stages. They also might encourage you to keep coming throughout your marriage. And finally, it’s also important to know that marriage counseling is not a place for venting. It’s a place to come together and learn to be in a healthier marriage. Hopefully, you’ll learn valuable tools to help make your marriage as strong as possible.

What Happens During Marriage Counseling? What to Expect to Learn

Communication

Everybody knows that good communication is the basis of any healthy marriage. However, it often takes marriage counseling for couples to understand how to do it. People communicate differently than each other. You and your partner might have very different styles. Things can get lost in translation if this is the case. Or blown out of proportion. A therapist can help you figure out how to better communicate with each other. And also how to better listen to each other. Not just the words you use but the hidden meaning behind them that is based on your particular style of communication.

Conflict-Resolution

Another important tool that you will hopefully learn in marriage counseling is conflict resolution. Just like communication, people also fight differently. One partner might want to talk about issues whereas the other wants to ignore them. Learning to address your problems healthily and respectfully is key. But it can also be hard to learn. A marriage counselor might be able to smooth things over since they will be able to see both sides of a conflict.

Advice for Difficult Life Stages

Marriage counseling should also provide you with tools for handling tough life stages. Many people recommend marriage counseling when your relationship is struggling. But it’s also helpful to go when it’s healthy. If you are going through a tough life stage, a counselor can be very helpful. Transition periods, adultery, or dealing with grief are examples of life stages that they can help you through. Hopefully, they’ll give you some tools for healthily channeling your emotions and communicating them with your partner. They will also likely encourage you to come back if anything comes up in your marriage that you feel you need help navigating.

Not a Venting Session

Finally, while it’s important to know what a counseling session involves, it’s also important to know what a counseling session doesn’t involve. And that is ranting. A counseling session is not a place to vent all your frustrations with your spouse and expect a counselor to side with you. Or expect them to only address your partner’s issues. You might feel that the problems are one-sided. But likely, a counselor will help you to see that there is usually fault on both sides. And also usually room for improvement on both sides. Marriage counseling is a valuable tool for any healthy relationship. While each therapist and couple are different, your sessions should include some of the same ideas. For example, communication is likely to be a hot topic. You’ll also probably work on conflict resolution. Many counselors give you advice for tough life stages. They’ll probably also ask you to come back periodically to check in. And finally, it’s good to know in advance that this is not a place to rant. A counselor is more interested in helping you grow than hearing complaints. Hopefully, they’ll help you learn to trust one another and open up more. Marriage counseling can give you the tools to help you work together to make and keep your relationship as strong as possible.

Hidden Signs of Physical Abuse

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
There are many hidden signs of physical abuse to look for in case you are worried a friend is in a troubled relationship. They may not be comfortable opening up to you about what is going on. However, if you sense that something is off with them, you can look for these signs. New changes in clothing style might be harmless but could also signal a desire to cover up more. In addition, if they are suddenly unavailable or seem anxious to make meet-ups quickly it can be a red flag. Sudden personality changes can signal a lot of things, but abuse can often lead to this. And finally, unexplained injuries or vague chronic pain can be an indication of abuse. If you notice any of these signs in a friend or loved one, it might be worth investigating further and offering your support if they need help.

Hidden Signs of Physical Abuse: What to Notice

New Changes in Clothing Style

One of the subtle signs of physical abuse is a sudden change in clothing style. Often abusers prefer their partners to cover up and dress conservatively in public. If your usually flamboyant and brightly dressed friend is suddenly covered up in baggy and bleak clothing, it might be a sign that all is not well. In addition, if they are wearing long sleeves or turtlenecks when the temperature is too hot for that type of clothing, it might be that they are covering up bruises.

Suddenly Not Available

Another sign of physical abuse is that your friend is suddenly not available to hang out very much. Oftentimes abusers want to keep their partners close by and feel threatened if they have close friends. Your friend might suddenly not be available to hang out or give vague reasons for why they can’t. They also might seem anxious when you do hang out and act like they’re eager to leave. This could be a sign that their partner is controlling.

Sudden Changes in Personality

Sudden personality changes are signs of physical abuse but also signs of many other things. A friend in an abusive relationship might suddenly be more quiet than usual, develop anxiety, depression, or even get very defensive. They might not want to talk about their partner or get overly angry if you question the relationship at all. Of course, many other factors can cause a personality change.

Unexplained Injuries

Finally, unexplained injuries are one of the less subtle signs of physical abuse. If your friend or loved one has many bruises, cuts, grip marks, or other injuries, you need to investigate. Oftentimes, victims of abuse will give very vague answers as to where the injuries are coming from. Or they might use the same excuse several times. If something feels off, trust your gut. Dig deeper with them to find out the source of the injuries. The signs of physical abuse are often hard to spot, as abusers are very good at hurting their partners in places that can be covered up. However, if you have a detailed eye, you might be able to spot some warning signs in a friend or loved one. Of course, none of these signs are evidence of abuse all on their own. Rather, it’s the combination of several of these warning signs that might make you question things. For example, your friend might have suddenly changed their clothing style, or you might detect changes in their personality. If they suddenly seem unavailable or anxious to get home when you hang out, it might be a red flag. And of course, you should investigate further if you notice visible injuries. Hopefully, your friend or loved one will feel comfortable confiding in you and you can get them the help they need.

What to Include in a Prenup Agreement?

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Many people might have strong feelings about a prenup agreement. Some believe it’s a great way to protect yourself before marriage and others find it un-romantic. If you do decide to move forward with a prenup you should make sure and define your personal vs marital assets. In addition, you should also define personal and marital debts. You can also choose to make provisions for children from an earlier marriage. And finally, you might choose to include a sunset provision that nullifies the prenup after a certain amount of years of marriage. If you do choose to ask for a prenup, make sure and speak with a knowledgeable attorney to make sure you are protecting yourself and your children.

What to include in a Prenup Agreement? How to Best Protect Yourself

Personal vs Marital Assets

One of the main reasons that people decide to get a prenup agreement is to define personal assets vs marital assets. If one partner is coming into a marriage with more wealth or assets, they may want to keep them separate. This would be different than money that you acquire during your marriage. This can also apply to things like family heirlooms. This is a way to ensure that specific items or money stay with you if the marriage ends.

Personal vs Marital Debts

Similar to personal and marital assets, many choose to get a prenup agreement to protect themselves from debt. If your partner is bringing a lot of debt into the marriage and you don’t want to risk being stuck with it during a divorce, you can specify this in a prenup. You would split any debts that you incurred together during the marriage equally if you divorce.

Dependents from Previous Marriage

Another important thing to include in a prenup agreement is provisions for any children from a previous marriage. This is a way for you to set aside money or property that they will inherit if you get a divorce. It keeps these from being able to be split during a divorce. If there are specific heirlooms that you want them to have you can include them in a prenup.

Sunset Provision

Finally, one uncommon clause that some people choose to include in a prenup agreement is a sunset provision. Many people think that spelling out the terms of your divorce is very unromantic when planning a wedding. However, with a sunset provision, the prenup would be null after a certain amount of years of marriage. This can be a way to put a partner at ease if they are hesitant about a prenup for emotional reasons. It shows that if your marriage stands the test of time, the prenup doesn’t need to be worried about anymore.

A prenup agreement can be a really good way to protect yourself financially in the event of a divorce. It can also protect any children you have from an earlier marriage. Make sure to include any personal wealth or property that you want to keep separate from joint assets. In addition, you can protect yourself from inheriting your partner’s debt through a prenup. You can also provide for your existing children by specifying what they would still inherit if you divorce. And finally, you can choose to include a sunset provision to end the prenup after a period of time. While it can be a polarizing thing to bring up before marriage, a prenup agreement can really be a good way to protect yourself financially.

What to do if Your Partner is an Emotional Abuser

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

The signs of emotional abuse can be subtle in a relationship. Abusers often focus their energy on making you feel weak or unimportant. If your partner is an emotional abuser, find ways to remember your self-worth. Set boundaries with your partner and stick to them. Get support from a friend or family member you trust. And finally, make an escape plan to get out of the relationship. Know that you are important and worthy of a healthy relationship.

What to do if Your Partner is an Emotional Abuser: How to Cope and Get Help

Focus on Yourself

If your partner is an emotional abuser, they probably spend much of their time tearing you down. Making you feel over-emotional or stupid is a classic sign of emotional abuse. Abusers want you to think that they are the most important person in the world. So they belittle you to make your world revolve around them. Find something that gives you a feeling of self-worth. For example, focus on a hobby or activity that makes you feel proud of yourself. Take time to relax on your own, and make it a point to include self-care in your everyday life.

Set Boundaries

Setting boundaries is an important step to take if your partner is an emotional abuser. Abusers are just grown-up bullies. And bullies respond to strong boundaries. For example, tell them that you’ll walk away if they say something unkind. But you must remember to stick to your boundaries. If you don’t follow through, then you give your abuser more power. Therefore, they won’t take you seriously in the future when you try to set boundaries.

Get Support

Get support from a family member or friend if your partner is an emotional abuser. Confide in them with what you’re going through. Abusers want you to feel that your feelings are invalid. If you even suspect emotional abuse, run it by a family member. Gaslighting, or making your question your own feelings, is a classic weapon of the abuser. But don’t let them make you think their behavior is normal. A friend or family member should help you get some perspective.

Make an Escape Plan

Finally, if your partner is an emotional abuser, make an escape plan. The person you’ve confided in can help with this. Know where you will go and who you can call on for help when you make your exit. Also, keep a list of phone numbers you need. Try to save some money without your partner realizing it. For example, keep it in an account they don’t have access to. Or ask a friend you trust to hold it. Know your partner’s schedule so that you know when you can leave.

Emotional abuse can affect all aspects of your life. Get the help you need if your partner is an emotional abuser. Focus on finding your self-worth and set boundaries with your partner. Get support from somebody you trust, and have them help you make an escape plan. Just remember that you deserve to be in a happy and supportive relationship. Seek counseling if you ever feel overwhelmed. And finally, if you suspect your emotional abuser could ever physically hurt you, seek help.

How-to Know if You Need Couples Therapy

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Things have been rough lately, and both of you are feeling frustrated. You may be wondering if you feel therapy or counseling is a sign of weakness, but it actually is a sign of strength. This is a step towards working on making your relationship better. Here are some signs that you may need to go to couples therapy.

How-to Know if You Need Couples Therapy

Lack of Trust

It may be time to go to couples therapy if your trust has been broken. A lack of trust can be detrimental to a relationship. Some examples of how trust could be broken would be catching your spouse in a huge lie, or even finding out they have been having an affair. However, if you and your partner are willing to try and work through this, talking with a therapist where you can openly and safely express yourself may be a good place to start.

Ongoing Conflict

If you and your spouse are always arguing, it could be a good idea to go to couples therapy. Constant conflict is not healthy for any relationship. Additionally, even if you are just noticing that the frequency of your arguments is increasing, it is never too early to stop a problem before it gets worse. Get ahead of the issue and talk to someone.

Something Feels Different

Is there something that just feels off about your marriage? This could be a disconnect physically, emotionally, or mentally. In additon, there could be underlying resentment or distrust that is even pulling you apart. You may not even be able to pinpoint it to determine what it is. Whatever it is, it is worth addressing with a couples therapist.

Lack of Communication

Another reason to go to a couples therapist is if you and your spouse have a lack of communication. For instance, you could live in the same house together, but never have any sort of meaningful conversation with any depth. This could make you drift apart from your partner. A councilor could help give you the tools to communicate better. Above all, this could increase the quality of the conversations you have with your spouse.

In conclusion, couples therapy can be a big benefit to couples that are drifting apart or are going through a rough spot. However, it can also be useful to curb an issue before it even gets big too. It is never too early to get ahead of a problem and work towards a happy and healthy marriage.

Realistic Expectations in Marriage

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Expectations can really make or break a marriage. If your expectations are too high, or impossible to live up to, then it can become difficult to adjust to your new way of life. Therefore, it’s important to set up realistic expectations of divorce. Doing so will help you and your partner avoid some constant arguments and issues…

Realistic Expectations in Marriage: Commitment and Struggle

Commitment

Commitment to your marriage is one of the most standard realistic expectations. A marriage is basically like an agreement between you and your partner. Based on your love for each other, you agree to be together and trust you’ll both hold up that end of the agreement. If that commitment is violated, then so is the trust and love that founded the marriage.

Still, it’s important to help reaffirm that trust between the both of you. There’s a couple ways you can do this. Maybe you give your partner verbal affection that makes them confident in your commitment. Or, you do special things with them to show you care. Doing things like these can help show you’re fulfilling that expectation.

Open communication

Healthy communication is also another of the realistic expectations you should have. Couples should be able to talk to each other openly and honestly. A marriage where partners lie to each other and are scared to be honest isn’t a healthy one. Eventually, this will cause things to get worse over time.

Rather, you both should be able to have good, honest discussions. That’s especially true for when you disagree. Instead of getting right into an argument, listen to and respect what each of you have to say. That way, you can work together on a solution that works.

Spending time with each other

Being with one another seems like a pretty straightforward matter. However, this is one of the realistic expectations couples struggle with. It’s always important to spend some quality time with your partner. Still, you also have to accept there will be times you aren’t together either.

Both of you have other important people in your lives, like family and friends. Therefore, it makes sense you’d like to also spend time with them. Both you and your partner should respect that, and even encourage it. As long as you spend plenty of time together too, then it shouldn’t be an issue.