How-to Find a Job After a Divorce: Hitting Your Stride

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Getting a divorce could mean having to reenter the job market. It is common that spouses that were “stay-at-home” parents before the split, but may need to find a job after the split. During the separation period, you will have to take a good hard look at your financial situation. Depending on your circumstances, you may determine that without income, you will not be able to afford the same time of lifestyle you have been accustomed to. Therefore, it is important to know how to find a job after a divorce. With a little time, effort, and patience, it is possible to reenter the workforce.

How-to Find a Job After a Divorce: Reentering the Workforce

Pick a Path

First, to find a job after a divorce, you will have to determine which career path you want to pursue. Keep in mind that just because you went to school for something, or worked in that industry before, does not mean you have to return to that field. It is a good idea to do some research about different career options. Ask your friends about their careers, and if they enjoy them. You could get inspiration from them! Doing online searches is a good option as well.

This is a great opportunity to do some soul-searching and determine what you want to do with your life. Start by thinking about what you love doing and what you are passionate about. Even if you can not turn your exact passion into a career, try and evaluate what it is about that hobby and see if you can apply that into another career path. Perhaps you enjoy playing team sports. Do you enjoy the socialization part of it? Or perhaps the competitive or strategic part of it? These different aspects can translate into different types of careers you could consider.

Set Yourself Up For Success

When trying to find a job after a divorce, you will want to take the steps to set yourself up for success. You will want to make sure to create an updated resume and cover letter so that you are prepared to apply for jobs. Have a friend you trust, or a career coach, to read it and give you feedback. Don’t forget to let your friends know that you are on the job hunt. They may know of positions or have connections that may be able to help you out.

If you don’t already have one, create a profile on LinkedIn. This will help potential employers find you, and help you to connect with others in your desired field. Having an update LinkedIn profile is an important step in the job hunting process. Many employers will even have a spot on their job applications for you to share your LinkedIn account name.

Apply

Applying for jobs can be frustrating and draining. You may hear a lot of “no’s”, or even get ignored, before getting a “yes”. Do not get discouraged. If you are not getting any luck, consider getting a career coach, or speaking with a recruiter. These can be helpful resources when trying to find a job after a divorce.

Education

If you absolutely can not find a job that you like and can support you without going back to school, you can pursue further education. There are plenty of programs out there that are geared towards adult students. Most of these even provide schedules that work around work schedules. This could allow you to find an interim job to be able to make money, plus still be able to take classes. Keep in mind that just because you go back to school for something doesn’t mean you will automatically land your dream job in that field. It could still take time, effort and patience to get to where you want to be. You may have to work some entry-level jobs initially, but you can still get to the career that you want with a little work.

Divorce Coach: Emotional Support Through Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

With how difficult divorce can be, you might want to look for some extra help. One useful resource may be a divorce coach. A coach can really help you develop some strategies for tackling your divorce and its challenges…

Divorce Coach: How They Can Help

Plan out your path

It’s not to uncommon for people to feel aimless during their divorce. They might not know where to start, or what they need to do. All of this can quickly get overwhelming, and make things all the more difficult. However, a divorce coach can help you plan out each step and make your divorce a bit more easier.

Plus, a coach doesn’t only have to help you with the divorce itself. They can also help you make some post-divorce life plans as well. That way, not only can you figure out the steps for your divorce, but you can also have those first post-divorce life steps figured out too. That peace of mind can really help you mentally during your divorce.

Talking to your ex

Depending on your divorce situation, you might not be able to simply not talk to your ex anymore. For example, if you and your ex have kids, then you’ll probably have to learn to communicate as co-parents. However, this presents its own set of issues. A divorce coach can help you overcome these issues and make talking to one another easier.

Coaches can help you figure out where you both might have some common ground. Then, from there you can both work together on developing a parenting plan. Of course, this might cause some tensions, especially if your divorce wasn’t so smooth. Still, a coach can also help you figure out what to do when things go sideways.

Manage your emotions

Divorce makes plenty of people’s emotions run a little high. Of course, this can be difficult to deal with. More often than not, these emotions can really make it hard to get through your divorce in a good head-space. That’s where a divorce coach can certainly come in handy.

A coach can help you figure out your emotions, and get a better handle on them. This is especially invaluable for when you have to talk to your ex, or have to handle other divorce matters. Having your emotions well under control can ensure you make the right decisions at the right times.

Negative Divorce Behavior

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce can leave you stressed and confused, even if it’s amicable. This can potentially cause you to engage in some negative divorce behavior. Avoiding this behavior is crucial for getting through your divorce as smoothly as possible…

Negative Divorce Behavior: Avoiding Nasty Habits

Refusing to talk

Communication problems are an example of negative divorce behavior which can really set you back. Understandably, if you feel hurt because of the divorce, you might not want to talk to your ex all that much. This is especially true if things ended on very negative terms. However, this can end up making things difficult for you.

Being able to communicate with your ex means you can both work on the divorce outcome. You can come to an agreement which works for you both much easier when you can communicate. Still, you might not be up for face-to-face meetings yet. In that case, you can use things like email or phone calls to get the job done.

Place unfair blame

Playing the “blame game” is also another type of negative divorce behavior to avoid. The problem with placing blame is that it’s a very natural response to divorce. After all, it’s easy to say that your ex is behind all the reasons why things didn’t work out. Still, this is going to have some negative side-effects for you and your divorce.

For starters, it’s going to make it hard for your ex to want to talk to you if you blame them all the time. Also, it means you aren’t reflecting on what you might have done yourself that contributed to the divorce. Remember, a marriage is a two-person matter; both of you need to be able to reflect and learn from what’s happened.

Rushing to move on

You probably want to move on from your divorce as soon as you can. However, you have to be careful not to rush too quickly. Trying to rush to get through everything is a form of negative divorce behavior that many people tend to struggle with.

For instance, they might try and rush through the divorce, which usually leaves them without the outcome they wanted. Sometimes, they might rush into dating again too soon, in an effort to replace the loneliness they feel. Instead, it’s much better to take your time and handle things right, rather than by rushing.

Post-Divorce Boundaries: Making Changes

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce brings about a lot of changes. One of the changes that can be quite hard to adjust to is the new boundaries. What might’ve been “normal” before can become intrusive or unwelcome. Therefore, it’s time to set some post-divorce boundaries between you and your former spouse. What feels right? What needs a change? And how can these boundaries help you improve your quality of life? Everyone is different, as are there needs. So, it’s time to find what works for you.

Post-Divorce Boundaries: Setting What Feels Right

Spousal Boundaries

The first post-divorce boundaries that people will look to set is with their former spouse. It can feel like there’s so many things that have to be change that it can seem overwhelming. However, it all depends on what you and your spouse feel comfortable with. For example, if you both feel comfortable talking to each other, you can still keep doing so.

But, if things get uncomfortable, or if you’re dealing with an angry spouse, than you’ll probably want to set some post-divorce boundaries. This can be talking only through text/phone calls, or through your lawyers. This similar approach can be applied to other areas like living arrangements and child visitation. Figure out what you and your spouse are comfortable with, and set the boundaries as they become needed.

Boundaries For Personal Obligations

Another set of divorce boundaries to consider are those for personal obligations. Divorce can be draining, and other activities can take up time and energy you might need for it. That’s why it helps to set boundaries for your obligations. Focus on figuring out what you really like and consider taking a break from the rest. This can include things like projects, clubs, and volunteer work. Most people will understand that you need a break while your divorce is going on, and you can add them back into your schedule once the divorce is over.

Boundaries For Friends and Family

Your friends and family can be a great source of support while going through a divorce. However, there can be things about your divorce you don’t want to discuss with them. This is where it helps to establish post-divorce boundaries for them. If your friends or family offer unsolicited advice, it’s okay to tell them something like “I appreciate your concern, but I don’t want to talk about that right now”. Don’t be afraid to be a bit more direct too if they don’t get the message. It’s best to let them know where the boundaries are now so they don’t keep crossing over them inadvertently.

Your divorce is your business. Setting post-divorce boundaries can help make sure you keep it that way. Not only will it make you feel more comfortable, but setting these boundaries will help you have a sense of control over what can be an uneasy time.

Second Marriage Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Getting remarried can be exciting, but for a lot of couples, it’ll end in divorce again. There’s a few different reasons behind second marriage divorce. Knowing the reasons can help you see where most of these second attempts go wrong…

Second Marriage Divorce: Why They Occur

Marrying for the wrong reasons

One common reason for second marriage divorce is when people get married for the wrong reasons. After a divorce, people tend to feel pretty lonely and have low self-esteem. This can make them cling onto the first person who shows them any interest.

A person might do this, despite not knowing this other person all to well. However, due to not wanting to be alone, they may try and rush into a new marriage, thinking they’re in love. Eventually, the reality sets in, and they realize things aren’t going to work out.

Issues from the past

Baggage from the previous marriage is also a common reason for second marriage divorce. Understandably, getting divorced is going to have a bit of an impact. For example, it might make you reluctant to open up to your partner. Or, you might constantly worry that they’re going to cheat on you.

This baggage can make it hard for a second marriage to succeed. If you’re constantly doubting or hiding things from your partner, they’re going to feel like you don’t appreciate or trust them. This can eventually reach the point where another divorce is on the horizon.

Experience from before

Previous divorce experience can make a second marriage divorce more likely to occur. The thing is, if you’ve divorced already, then you know what it’s like. Odds are, you’ve learned some pretty important lessons about what you should or shouldn’t do. This can make the process not that scary anymore.

Therefore, if your new marriage isn’t going how you like, then you won’t be as afraid of divorce like you were in the past. Instead, you know what you need to do and how to get through it in one piece. Rather than being stuck in another bad marriage, you’ll be more willing to cut it off and keep looking.

Divorce Fears: Facing Uncertainty

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce can be a pretty intimidating thing, even if you’ve given it a lot of thought. It’s not uncommon to have some divorce fears because of this. However, it is possible to overcome these worries, and pull off a divorce you’ll be confident in…

Divorce Fears: Common Worries

Spouse reacting poorly

One of the divorce fears which is common has to do with breaking the news to one’s spouse. Many people worry about how their partner will take the news. Some are afraid that they’ll get very angry at them. Others worry they’ll react in some other emotional way that they won’t know how to handle.

The thing is, you won’t know how they’ll react until you tell them. Still, you can make it much more likely for them to react in a more understanding manner. Plus, if you can keep things calm, and show a willingness to listen to what they have to say, that can also help prevent things from getting out of hand.

Too much to handle

Another one of the common divorce fears is that divorce will be overwhelming. There’s going to be a lot of different things that you’ll have to figure out while divorce. That’ll include things like co-parenting plans, who will get what, potential moves, etc. There’s also matters related to the divorce, such as if you’ll need to take time off of work or even find a new job.

All of these can feel impossible to manage at first. But it’s important to not let those fears take over. Instead, take some time and really hash out all of these details one at a time. Once you develop basic plans for each of them, they become a lot easier to manage.

Uncertain future

Divorce fears can even extend into what’ll happen once the divorce is over. In fact, most people are worried about how uncertain things will be. Usually, this comes with thoughts about if they made the right decision, or how things like future relationships will go.

Much like with those fears about bringing divorce up, there’s no way to see the future. However, what you can do is work on making the post-divorce life you want a reality. Taking those proper steps once your divorce is over can help put those fears to rest and instead make you optimistic for what’s ahead.

What is a healthy divorce?

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

A healthy divorce is one where both parties walk away feeling like they have closure without resentment. The divorce process can be difficult and painful, but it is possible to keep things amicable. And if you share custody of children, it’s all the more reason to try your best to keep things friendly. You’ll be coordinating things for your kids together for the rest of your lives, and the sooner you can begin to establish a healthy coparenting relationship the better for you and your children. Try to present a united front when it comes to your kids, and set aside bitterness and anger for their sake. Additionally, when you are negotiating the terms of your divorce settlement, try to look at the bigger picture instead of trying to “win” the divorce. Avoid trash talking about your ex, because it can wind up hurting your case and causing issues for your children. And finally, hire an attorney to ensure that you’re getting the best representation, and so that they can help you navigate this difficult process. Hopefully, you and your ex will be able to keep things civil and each walk away from your marriage with respect towards one another.

Healthy Divorce: How to Walk Away with Dignity

Be a Team When It Comes to Parenting

One of the most important things you can focus on to have a healthy divorce is to parent as a team. Present a united front with your children, and reassure them that you both love them the same and will be a part of their lives. Don’t try to win your children over by spoiling them or upsetting their schedules, and instead, try to keep things consistent across your houses. Discuss parenting decisions together with the children’s happiness and well-being as your absolute top priority.

Negotiate Without Trying to “Win”

One aspect of a healthy divorce is that both parties go into it with a goal of settling things peacefully. If you each go into your divorce with a mindset of wanting to “win,” it’s going to instantly antagonize you against one another. Don’t get hung up on the details, or trying to win petty disagreements. Decide on a few key things that you want to focus on and let the rest go. You aren’t going to walk away with everything you want, compromise is an important part of this process.

Avoid Trash Talking

Avoiding trash talking is one of the easiest ways to help promote a healthy divorce. When you badmouth your ex, you run the risk of them finding out and making things much more contentious. Additionally, it can hurt your case if you’re in a custody battle, because a judge wants to see that you can coparent peacefully. Finally, if you have children, it can be especially harmful to speak ill of their parent (your ex) in front of them. They love you both equally, and hearing you disparage their other parent can be confusing, stressful, and emotionally painful for them.

Hire Help

Finally, if you want to navigate divorce the smoothest way possible, hire help. An experienced divorce attorney can expedite the process and ensure that you have the best support possible when it comes to arguing your case. If other professionals are needed, like forensic accountants, your attorney can help coordinate that. Additionally, it can be helpful to speak to a licensed therapist or counselor during this time for emotional support. And if you and your ex plan to coparent, a counselor can also see you together in order to help lay the groundwork for a peaceful coparenting relationship.

We all know that divorces can get very ugly and bring out the worst in people. However, it is possible to have a healthy divorce where both people walk away with some satisfaction and overall respect for one another. But you’ll both have to be committed to keeping things civil, even when difficult issues arise. If you have children, always present a united front for their sake, and try to set aside petty differences or old wounds for the sake of their wellbeing. Learning to coparent peacefully will be the most emotionally beneficial thing you can do for your kids. Try to go into the divorce with a mindset of compromise rather than wanting to beat your spouse at the negotiations. Avoid badmouthing

How to Heal from Divorce Trauma

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce trauma is a very real problem that can create issues for many aspects of your life. The stress of the divorce process is often compared to the stress of a loved one dying. It can create lasting emotional scars that can be quite difficult to heal from. It’s important to take some time to acknowledge the trauma. It’s also helpful to give yourself plenty of time and space to grieve. Therapy can be very helpful for dealing with the emotional damage of divorce as well. And finally, there are support groups for divorcees that many find to be very helpful. Hopefully, you can find the emotional support you need to begin the healing process and start to move on towards the next chapter in your life.

How to Heal from Divorce Trauma: Finding Yourself Again

Why is Divorce Traumatic?

Divorce trauma can create similar symptoms to PTSD. It can leave people with difficulties sleeping, negative thoughts about themselves, feelings of isolation, or a loss of interest in normal activities. Going through a divorce means changing everything about your life and the life that you thought you were going to live. And in reality, it is similar to a death in that you are losing a future you envisioned for yourself. Trauma from this type of upheaval can be serious and can impact all aspects of your life.

Acknowledge and Grieve

To help heal from divorce trauma, make sure that you acknowledge the trauma itself. Don’t try to write off your feelings. And don’t let others make you feel like you are overreacting to the situation. Instead, accept that this is an event that deserves grieving. Take the time to feel the emotional ups and downs of the divorce process. Everybody grieves in their way and on their schedule. So take as much time as you need.

Therapy

Therapy can be very helpful for divorce trauma, and there are many different kinds of therapy. For instance, talk therapy can be helpful so that you can organize your thoughts and feelings. Art therapy, creative therapy, or animal therapy can also be helpful for many. These types of therapies give you something else to focus on, and many find them soothing for stress.

Support Groups

Finally, support groups can be very helpful if you are experiencing divorce trauma. There are many people out there who are going through the divorce process. They can better understand exactly how you’re feeling and what struggles you might have. In addition, they provide an outlet for you to share your experiences which can be therapeutic. It’s easy to find local divorce support groups near you.

Divorce trauma can feel overwhelming at times and can create difficulties in all aspects of your life. An intensely stressful divorce can leave you with the same symptoms as other forms of trauma. So make sure that you acknowledge these feelings. Take the time to grieve the life you believed you were going to have. And remember that you are on your schedule and can take as much time as you need. In addition, therapy can be extremely helpful for many people experiencing stress and trauma. And finally, support groups for divorcees can also be very helpful. Search online to find local groups near you that fit your schedule. It can take a while, but healing from divorce trauma is possible in time. Hopefully, you can find the support you need to begin moving through your grief.

How-to Perform Good Divorce Prep

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

When you decide to get a divorce, you won’t want to rush into things blindly. Rather, you’ll want to take the time to practice good divorce prep. Doing the prep work now will help to make things a lot easier for you in the future…

How-to Perform Good Divorce Prep: Useful Steps

Gather documents

Having the right types of documents is key for your divorce process. As such, you should start gathering these documents as part of your divorce prep. In particular, financial documents are going to be very helpful. Things like tax returns, W-2s, credit card and bank statements, and other similar documents will be quite handy to have.

Still, it’s one thing to just get your documents. You should also be sure that you organize them too. It might be a little tedious to do, and not always an easy task. However, taking the time to do so now is better than trying to do so when the divorce is underway.

Set up your finances

Divorce can be a bit of an expensive matter. Therefore, it’s good to prepare your finances as part of your divorce prep as well. After all, many people experience some financial stress both during and after their divorce. Preparing ahead of time can help reduce or get rid of this stress altogether.

It’s helpful to try and come up with a general budget to figure out where your finances are currently. With this, you can start to add in some potential divorce costs and see the effects. Should your budget begin to show signs of trouble, then you’ll know to start preparing. Limiting your spending and setting more money aside can help you make it out of your divorce in good financial shape.

Breaking the news

While divorce is a personal matter, you’ll eventually have to let those close to you know about your plans. This can be a pretty stressful task, especially if you’re worried about how others may react. Taking some time to plan how you’ll break the news now as part of your divorce prep can make this process a bit easier for you.

Try to come up with a general “script” you’ll use when you’re bringing up your divorce to others. For those close to you, you can go into a bit more detail as they’ll be a source of support to you. Should you have kids, then it’s especially good to plan how you’ll let them know what’s going on.

Divorce While Living Together

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Usually, most people think that a divorce means one spouse will move out of the house. However, sometimes both partners will stay in the same place. Pulling off a divorce while living together might seem frustrating, but there are ways to make it easier for the both of you…

Divorce While Living Together

Why do it?

Why would a couple decide to do their divorce while living together? As it turns out, there’s a few reasons why they may make this choice. For starters, it can help save money. Doing divorce this way means you don’t have to worry about the costs that come with finding a new place to live.

Also, it might be a good idea if you have kids. It can be hard for them to register the divorce, and then see one of their parents leave right after. If you still decide to live together, you can help your kids understand what’s going on, and prepare for the changes that’ll come.

Cooperation is key

To make your divorce while living together go smoothly, you and your partner will need to work together. In general, this means doing the things you probably did before. For example, you’ll both still want to help with things like cleaning, buying groceries, and handling bill payments.

However, you’ll also want to keep things civil for the kids. In fact, this is a good time to work on a co-parenting plantogether. That way, you’ll have it all sorted out and ready to go once the divorce is finalized.

Have good boundaries

Of course, the biggest hurdle to doing a divorce while living together is avoiding those same issues which lead to the divorce in the first place. To help avoid those problems, it’s important to have good boundaries. These boundaries will help you have some personal space, even when sharing a home.

One thing divorcing couples who are still living together tend to do is set up separate rooms. That way, they have their own space to go to for privacy. It might feel a little “off” at first, but it’s still important to respect those boundaries.