How-to Know if You’re Ready For Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

You are at the point that you are questioning your marriage. Perhaps there has been infidelity, lack of trust, abuse or loss of love. Even though all of the signs point to yes, you are still likely questioning whether or not you should get a divorce. Before making the final decision about divorce, there are things you should think about to know if you’re ready for divorce.

How-to Know if You’re Ready For Divorce: Questions to Consider

Do You Have Feelings for Your Partner?

It is very common for people who want to get a divorce still have feelings for their spouse. However, there has been something that has happened that has caused a lack of closeness and intimacy. If you fall into this category, it may be best to try and work things out with your partner. This could prevent you from pulling the trigger if you really are not ready for divorce. Otherwise, you may end up in a situation where you are are feeling a deep loss, and feel worse off than where you were before.

Are You Just Threatening Divorce?

Some people throw out empty threats of divorce when they are mad, or may think or say things they do not mean during an argument. Other times, people can use the threat of divorce to hold power over the other spouse. This is not a healthy way to to act in a relationship. Holding empty threats over someone makes you loose your credibility for the future, plus it is destructive to the relationship.

If you are truly ready for divorce, you need to be able to be at the point that you feel that way over a sustained period of time. You need to be able to truly say that you are ready to close that chapter of your life. You will need to know there is nothing more you can do or give to this relationship. Also, you will need to be able to discuss this with your spouse without blame.

Are You Ready to Handle the Consequences?

There will certainly be negative consequences from divorce. Many people have dreams of a happy family, but sometimes this is not the case. However, divorce brings pain, perhaps even to your children. Keep in mind that it is not worth staying in an unsafe or unhealthy marriage just to prevent other people feeling pain. Just know that if you are ready for divorce, you have to be ready for the consequences that follow.

For example, if you are only wanting a divorce because you are just bored with your spouse, think these following points through. Are you okay with your lifestyle or finances changing? Can you accept your children’s anger and sadness? Can you accept times of insecurity, fear, or the unknown? Are you willing to mentally and emotionally let go of your spouse? While you will waver with your emotions, you need to know that overall, you will be able to answer “yes” to these things to know you are ready for divorce.

How to Ease Back Into Dating After a Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Going through a divorce is emotional and stressful. For a long time, you may not be ready to even think about dating again. But when you do decide to get back out there, these tips can help. When you ease back into dating after a divorce, it’s important to remember to take your time. You’ll also want to get out and meet people and be upfront about being a divorcee. Getting back into the dating world can be scary at first, but hopefully, you’ll find your perfect partner!

Ease Back into Dating After a Divorce – Trust Yourself

Take It Slow

Taking it slow is the most important step when you want to ease back into dating after a divorce. This means taking it slow when deciding to start dating. It also means taking it slow with new partners, as well as taking it slow when telling your family that you’re dating again. Before you get back into the dating world, it’s important that you build your confidence back up. Going through a divorce can cause so much mental stress, so it’s important to make sure that you’re in a healthy headspace before bringing somebody new into your life. When you ease back into dating after a divorce, you need to do just that – ease. Take it slow with new dates. Don’t try to rush a relationship into something serious too quickly. Just have fun and enjoy yourself for a while. Your feelings about your ex can change a lot over the course of dating someone new. You might feel nostalgic about your early dates, or get overwhelmed at how much there is to learn about a new person. Try not to get ahead of yourself, and just enjoy the relationship as it grows. Also remember to take it slow when introducing new dates to your family, especially your kids. They probably don’t need to meet every single person you go on a date with. But if things start to feel serious, it’s best to sit them down and let them meet your date.

Get Out There

The best thing you can do when you want to ease back into dating after a divorce is to just get out there and meet people. Online dating is always an option too. But don’t neglect old fashioned meet and greets. Switch up your routine and go to a new coffee shop or gym. Or join a local meetup or sports group. Try and introduce yourself to as many new people as you can when you’re out and about. And don’t forget to ask your friends if they know any available singles! It’s best to be upfront about your breakup when you ease back into dating after a divorce. You can keep it short and simple. For example, “my ex-husband and I are divorced. I wish him well but we just weren’t right for each other.” You don’t have to go into more detail than you’re comfortable with. And try not to trash talk your ex either. You don’t want to give the wrong impression to your new date. There’s no reason to be embarrassed about your status as a divorcee, and talking about your ex in a calm way will show your new date that you’re mature and comfortable with the situation. Deciding to ease back into dating after a divorce is a big decision. Really take time to figure out if you’re ready for it or not. Remember to take it slow when starting to look for dates, as well as with any new partners. Get out there and meet new people, and be upfront about your divorce. Always trust your instincts, and don’t forget that if things don’t feel right, it’s alright to give yourself more time. And of course, have fun!

How to Help a Friend Through a Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

The stress of divorce has been compared to the stress of a family member dying. Watching a friend go through that kind of pain can make you feel helpless. But there are many ways that you can help a friend through a divorce. Including them in everyday activities, being a good listener, and lending a helping hand will show them how much you care about them.

How to Help a Friend Through a Divorce: Be Their Rock

Be a Good Listener

Listening is the most important thing you can do to help a friend through a divorce. Try to remember that you should listen more than you speak. You can offer words of comfort, but try not to monopolize the conversation. If they get emotional, don’t try to force them to speak. Just quietly let them express their feelings. Also, try not to join in on any bashing of their ex-partner. Their feelings will probably change from day-to-day. If you join in on the bashing one day, they may not feel comfortable opening up to you when they are feeling more forgiving another day. Also, if they work things out in the future you’ll never be able to take back the words you said.

Include them in Everyday Activities

Including them in everyday activities is one way to help a friend through a divorce. They might be missing the normalcy of their old life. Therefore, including them in minor activities can make them feel better. For example, taking the kids to soccer practice or inviting them to weeknight dinner at your house. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, just a sample of everyday life. But don’t forget the important holidays too! Even if they turn down your invitations, keep inviting them out. They may not have the energy to join in right now, but they’ll appreciate being included all the same.

Lend a Helping Hand

You can really help a friend through a divorce by lending a helping hand. Running a household is difficult, and they are now doing it alone. You can pitch in with chores or running errands. You can also offer to help with childcare! If they are moving because of the divorce, you can help them pack. And don’t forget that divorce comes with a mountain of paperwork. They will probably need your help organizing it and figuring out everything. You can gather information and help them to know what to expect. Even just dropping off a meal can make you a real lifesaver! Your friend is going through so much, anywhere you can help out will help them immensely.

There are many ways to help a friend through a divorce. Being a good listener, including them in things, and lending a helping hand are all great ways to show your support. They are under so much stress and will surely appreciate all you do.

Divorce Gets Easier, Right?

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
If you are in the throes of the divorce process, you might be wondering if divorce gets easier. It can be hard to see the finish line when you’re dealing with a contentious ex, tons of paperwork, and legal fees. However, the good news is that divorce does get easier as time goes by and you begin to adjust to your new life. You’ll also get better and better at co-parenting as time goes on and you and your ex get used to this new relationship. You might even find that you can become more comfortable being around each other. However, it’s important to take the time you need to process the divorce. And if you are struggling with anxiety or depression, speak up and reach out to get the support you need. Divorce is hard on everybody, but there is an end in sight.

Divorce Gets Easier, Right? Easing Your Anxiety

Getting Through the Actual Process

Divorce gets easier when you are finally through the tedious process itself. The actual process of divorce is exhausting. Splitting up assets, deciding custody, asking for support payments. All of it is typically fraught with emotion and highly contentious. Plus, it’s expensive. When your divorce is final, you should begin to feel less stress. Keep your eyes on that goal.

Learning a New Way of Life

While your divorce gets easier, transitioning to your new post-divorce way of life can also be a big adjustment. You’ll probably be facing a different housing situation, different daily routine, and different financial situation. Plus, you’re probably missing your ex at times, feeling angry at other times, and everything in between. As time goes on, you’ll get used to this new life until it feels like your new normal.

Learning to Co-Parent

Time can also heal some wounds between exes. If you have children, figuring out custody can have a steep learning curve. Anything involving your children probably comes with some heightened emotions. Divorce gets easier when you and your ex can learn to co-parent healthily. Try to put aside your bitter feelings and focus on working together for the sake of your kids.

The Bottom Line

The bottom line is that yes, divorce gets easier. However, that doesn’t mean that you won’t have to put in some work. Take the time you need to process your feelings about the break-up. Talk to a therapist or close friend about how you’re feeling about things. And practice healthy habits like getting plenty of sleep and maintaining a social life. If you are struggling to move on, reach out to your doctor or therapist for support. Divorce is an overwhelmingly emotional experience, and you don’t have to go through it alone. While it might feel like a never-ending process, divorce gets easier with time. The stress and anxiety will ease and you’ll begin to move forward into the next chapter of life. But it can feel very overwhelming when you’re going through it. Try to remind yourself that there is an end in sight, and remember that the process itself won’t last forever. You’ll adjust to your new way of life, and hopefully, you’ll also learn to interact with your ex without tension. This will ease your co-parenting relationship if you share children. All in all, divorce does get easier, but it takes time. And it takes some healing and self-care on your part. Reach out to a friend, family member, doctor, or therapist if you find that you are overwhelmed by the divorce process, or are struggling to move on.

Legal Name Change After Divorce: Update Your Info

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Everything is finalized, and you just got a legal name change after your divorce. However, you realize that all of your documents and accounts have your married name on them. There are so many things that you’ll need to update that it may feel overwhelming. Just take one step at a time and you will get it all changed over in no time.

Legal Name Change After Divorce: What Needs Updating

Social Security Card

Before you can proceed with changing over many other documents, you will need to get an updated social security card. Getting a legal name change after a divorce is one of the qualifying reasons that the social security office will let you get an updated card.

In order to get a new card, you will need to go to your local social office. If you don’t want to wait in a line, there may be appointments available if you plan ahead of time. If you are a US citizen, you will be required to bring several original documents with you. These include a proof of name change, so your divorce certificate or court order for a name change. You will need to bring a form of identification, such as a passport or US driver’s license (even if it has your married name). Also, you’ll need proof of citizenship, such as a passport or US birth certificate.

Driver’s License

Once you have an updated social security card, you can go to the DMV to get a new driver’s license. They will not allow you to get a license with a legal name change unless you have a new social security card already. Some states require you to let the DMV know of your legal name change within 60 days.

You’ll need to bring your updated social security card and name change documents with you. Check with your state’s DMV to see what other documentation you may need to bring as well. When you update your driver’s license, you will also be able to update your voter registration as well.

Financial Institutions

Don’t forget to update your credit cards after a legal name change. Those can usually be updated on the internet or over the phone. However, they will typically want proof of the name change.

You will want to contact your bank as well. They will be able to help you update your name on your bank accounts and debit cards.

Internet

Depending on if your email address included your married name, you may need to update your email address after you get a legal name change. Likewise, you’ll want to update social media accounts as well. Don’t forget to share the new information with your friends and family, but in the meantime, you can set up an email forwarding system so that emails to your old email address still get to you.

There are many things to consider if you are going to get a legal name change after your divorce. If you do decide to change your name, there will be documents and accounts you’ll need to update as well. It may seem daunting, but by taking one step at a time, you’ll have everything switched over in no time.

What to Do About Visitation Safety Concerns

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
It can be panic-inducing to deal with visitation safety concerns when it comes to your children being around your ex. If you have a co-parent that is unpredictable, abusive, or otherwise not trustworthy around your kids, there are ways that you can protect them. First of all, enlist the help of an experienced attorney who can help you make your case to a judge. Seek sole custody of your children so that you’ll be the only parent responsible for making legal decisions about them. Consider asking for a protective order if you feel they are in acute danger. And finally, consider asking for supervised visitation if you feel that your children shouldn’t be alone with their other parent. Hopefully, you and your attorney can win your case and find an outcome that alleviates your concerns.

What to Do About Visitation Safety Concerns: Protecting Your Children

Enlist an Attorney

If you have visitation safety concerns, consult an attorney immediately. Don’t take drastic action on your own. Instead, find an experienced lawyer who can help you make a case before a judge about why you feel there are safety concerns with your ex being around your children. The attorney can go over various options and help you gather evidence for your case.

Seek Sole Custody

You likely want to seek sole custody if you have visitation safety concerns about your ex. If you have sole legal custody, it means that you can make all decisions on your children’s behalf. For example, medical or educational decisions. If you have sole physical custody, that means that your children will live with you only. Often that means that your ex has visitation rights, but the circumstances of those vary from case to case.

Ask for a Protective Order

You and your attorney might decide to pursue a protective order on behalf of yourself or your children if you’re dealing with visitation safety concerns. You might be asked to show evidence of abusive or dangerous behavior. For example, texts or messages with threats. You might need to involve others like therapists, child protective services, or social workers.

Consider Supervised Visitation

Finally, one last route you can take if you’re dealing with visitation safety concerns is to ask for supervised visitation. This means that anytime your ex interacts with your children, they’ll be closely monitored by a third party. This might be a social worker, psychologist, or other trained professional. Furthermore, the court will decide where these visits take place, like a child protective services department or designated facility. If you have safety concerns about your children being around your ex, it can be quite frightening and frustrating to deal with as a parent. The court takes concerns like this very seriously. Hire an attorney immediately who can help you begin preparing a case to seek sole custody of your children. They can also help you gather documentation and properly file a protective order or restraining order. Finally, they can help make a case for only allowing supervised visitation between your ex and your children. Dealing with visitation safety concerns can be very difficult to manage, but hopefully, you and your attorney can come up with a plan that makes you feel more comfortable about your children’s well-being.

Meeting People After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Meeting people after a divorce can feel a little intimidating, whether you’re looking to make some new friends or potentially meet a new partner. Divorce can be isolating, as can a dysfunctional marriage. Many people, go through the divorce proceeding and then realize they are lonely when all of it is over. Be patient with yourself and remember to take plenty of time before moving on to a new partner. A divorce support group is a great way to make friends with others who have been through similar circumstances. You might also meet somebody new if you expand your horizons and try some new hobbies. Finally, don’t underestimate the power of a friendly attitude. Hopefully, you can surround yourself with supportive friends and maybe even think about dating again.

Meeting People After Divorce: Getting Back Out There

Be Patient

Meeting people after a divorce can take some time. You might struggle to maintain friendships with couples that you knew when you were married. Or you might have lost touch with old friends over the years. It’s never too late to reach out to past acquaintances. But if you’re looking to meet some new people, give yourself time. If you’re considering dating again, make sure that you’ve taken plenty of time to process your feelings and heal from the divorce.

Divorce Support Group

A divorce support group can help meet people after a divorce. There are various kinds of support groups, and you might need to shop around to find the best fit for you. Some groups meet to talk through their experiences, and groups meet to go on group hikes. And everything in between! Explore local groups and see if anything clicks for you.

Try a New Hobby

Trying a new hobby is another great way of meeting people after a divorce. Immerse yourself in something new and exciting. Now is the time to focus on your own needs, so explore something that you’ve always wanted to do. Improving at a new skill like salsa dancing or painting will also give you a self-confidence boost.

Be Open and Friendly

Finally, sometimes meeting people after divorce is all about just having an open and friendly attitude. Be kind to people when you’re out and about. Say hello to strangers, or strike up a conversation while you wait for your coffee order. Say yes to invitations from friends, even if you worry you might not know many people at the event. You never know where you might meet your next special someone. Going through the process of divorce can be very isolating and draining for many people. It can be stressful too and keeps you busy all the time. Often, this means that friendships take a back seat. Plus, if your social group mainly consists of couples, it can be difficult to feel connected. Meeting people after divorce that you have more in common with can be helpful, especially if you’re curious about getting back into the dating world. Consider divorce support groups and meetup groups if you’re looking to connect with other divorcees. Additionally, now is a great time to delve into a new hobby and take some classes. Finally, have a friendly and approachable attitude when you’re out and about, and try to say yes to social invitations whenever possible. Hopefully, by being brave and putting yourself out there, you’ll meet some great friends and make some lasting connections.

How to Create a Budget After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Creating a budget after divorce is absolutely critical. Things have probably changed for you financially now that you’re separated. You may have to make some lifestyle changes in order to stick to a healthy budget. To set your budget, you first need to figure out exactly how much money is coming in. Next, calculate how much your essentials cost. Then calculate any discretionary spending and figure out how much of it you can cut out. And finally, track everything you pay for so you know whether or not you’ve stuck to your goal. Hopefully, by creating a budget, you’ll be able to adjust more easily to your new life and create a savings cushion.

How to Create a Budget After Divorce: Make a Plan and Stick to It

Figure Out Money Coming In

Creating a budget after divorce starts with calculating exactly how much money is coming in. This doesn’t mean your salary. This means your salary minus anything that gets taken out of it. For example, take into account taxes, social security, and 401k deductions. If you are receiving or paying out alimony or child support, include this. Your overall income might be very different now that you are calculating it without your spouse’s additional earnings. You need to know exactly how much money you have to work with at the end of the day.

Calculate Essentials

Next, when creating a budget after divorce, figure out your absolute essentials. You’ll want to know exactly how much money each month you need to survive. These include things like rent or mortgage payments, utilities, health insurance, and groceries. In addition, you may consider a car payment or internet access to work from home as essential needs. Don’t forget essentials for your children like daycare payments.

Calculate Discretionary Spending

Anything that isn’t essential is considered discretionary spending. This is where you can make lifestyle changes and possibly cut your spending if you’re trying to budget after divorce. Some of these things might feel a bit more essential than others. For example, maybe you could give up eating at restaurants several nights a week, but you really don’t think you could give up Netflix. Decide which things are necessary for you to really enjoy life and which things you might be able to reduce or cut out entirely. For example, perhaps you could subscribe to Netflix and Hulu and cut out your cable bill. Or find a car with a smaller monthly payment.

Track Your Spending

Finally, trying to stick to a budget after divorce means you have to track your spending. Otherwise, you won’t know whether or not you’ve actually stuck to your spending goals. Every time you spend money on anything, write it down. There are apps on your phone for this, like Mint, that will help you track your spending. They can give you some idea of how much you’re spending on things that really aren’t essential.

Creating a budget after divorce is important since your financial habits might need to change. It’s difficult to make the transition from two budgets to just one, but a budget will help. Figure out exactly how much money is coming in at the end of the day. Then figure out what your essentials are each month. Next, calculate how much you’d like to spend on discretionary things. And finally, track everything you spend money on so you know if you’re sticking to your goals. Budgeting is an important life skill and one that might serve you well in your new single life, and if you meet another partner down the road. Sticking to a budget might allow you to build up savings for things like home improvements, travel, and emergencies.

Organize for Your Divorce: Be Prepared

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
It’s a good idea to organize for your divorce before it even starts. A divorce is an intense process. It can take a very long time and involves a lot of paperwork. It’s a good idea to go ahead and start preparing in advance so that you aren’t scrambling to find things later. Get together a list of contacts and documents that you might need. It’s also a good idea to organize your bank accounts and know what is in each of them and who’s names they are in. You should have a list of your assets both personal and marital. And finally, it’s a good idea to go ahead and have a general idea of what kind of childcare schedule might work for you after the divorce is final. Hopefully, being organized at the outset of the divorce can help it be a smoother process for you.

Organize for Your Divorce: Be Prepared Before It Starts

Comprise A List of Contacts

One thing you’ll need when you organize for your divorce is a list of contacts and documents. You will obviously need to find a divorce attorney. But you might also need to speak to a financial advisor and some other professionals. A realtor can give you advice about your living situation. And if you have children, it’s good to get a list of potential childcare providers ready. You will likely have a lot of court appearances and meetings to get to and might need to call in a babysitter periodically.

Organize Documents

The next thing to organize for your divorce is legal documents. Get a folder so that you can keep things separated. You’ll probably want to keep a place for emails with your attorney and your spouse. You might need to show bank statements, bills, loan documents, and others. You might also need copies of things like your marriage license and birth certificate. Find a way to organize all of this so that you don’t get flustered when asked to produce any paperwork.

Organize Finances

You’ll also need to organize your finances when you go to organize for your divorce. You should have a list of bank accounts as well as a list of who controls each and know the rough balances. You should also know all of your various loans, including mortgage info, credit card info, and any student loans. It’s a good idea to make a list of your assets, both your personal and marital assets.

Potential Calendar

Finally, one last thing that you can try to organize for your divorce is your schedule. You might not really know exactly how the child custody arrangement is going to work out. However, you can still get a school calendar and have some idea of which holidays and events you’d like to make sure and be a part of. You can also look at your work calendar and highlight any days that you will be out of pocket. That way you can ensure that you won’t need to be in court during those times. It’s always a good idea to organize your divorce before it even starts. That way you won’t be scrambling to find documents or hire a babysitter spur of the moment. This can just lead to some added stress. And when going through a divorce, extra stress is the last thing you need. Organize your contact list for people you might need to interact with during the divorce. It’s also a good idea to organize your legal documents and finances. And finally, try to plan out your calendar in advance so that you have some idea of what you’d like your custody schedule to look like. Hopefully, getting organized before your divorce even starts will make the whole process smoother and quicker for you.

Divorcee Etiquette

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
If you are deciding to get back into the dating game, you’ll need to be aware of common divorcee etiquette. While you don’t want to harp on your divorce, it’s important to be honest about your past. It’s best to wait until your divorce is final before going public with any new partners. Otherwise, you could risk affecting your settlement negatively. Don’t compare your new date with your ex, and try to remember that they will handle situations differently. Finally, don’t trash your ex constantly. Not only can it affect your relationship, but it makes it seem like you aren’t emotionally healed from the breakup. Hopefully, you can navigate the complicated world of dating and find somebody that is a perfect match.

Divorcee Etiquette When Dating Again

Be Honest About the Divorce

One of the most important things to know about divorcee etiquette is that you should be up-front about your status. While you don’t have to go into details (in fact, it’s best not to), you should let any new partners know that you are a divorcee. Try to keep the explanation simple and straightforward.

Don’t Go Public Until Divorce is Final

Another aspect of divorcee etiquette is that you should not be flashy about any new relationships while your divorce proceedings are still happening. In fact, in some states, it could harm your settlement or even custody. Even if you and your ex are both on the same page about your split, seeing you with a new partner might make things more contentious. And finally, your children might not react well to you introducing them to a new partner so soon. It’s best to wait until your divorce is final, and you are emotionally healed, before dating again.

Don’t Compare Partners

It’s also helpful to avoid trying to compare any new dates with your ex. Whether you are comparing them positively or negatively, try to remember that they’re their unique person. Just because your ex reacted a certain way to a situation doesn’t mean that a new partner will. Try to be open-minded about dating, and avoid making comparisons to your ex-spouse.

Don’t Trash the Ex

Finally, it’s also important divorcee etiquette not trash the ex. If you need to vent about your ex, find a friend or therapist to talk to. But don’t unload on a new partner. It can make you seem like you are either bitter or like you are not moving on fully from the breakup. Additionally, if your ex finds out that you are trashing them, it can make custody more difficult. It’s best to avoid the topic of the ex whenever possible and remember “When you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” Divorcee etiquette can be a little complicated, but the most important thing is to have fun with dating. Allow yourself plenty of time to grieve the end of your marriage and emotionally heal from the stress of divorce. Focus on self-care and building back relationships that might have been neglected. Then, when things are final and you are moving on, consider dating once again. Be upfront about your status as a divorcee, but don’t go on and on about your breakup. Additionally, avoid comparing your new date to your spouse, and also try not to bash your ex in front of them. Hopefully, you’ll be able to move on quickly from your divorce and enjoy dating once again. You never know when you’ll meet the perfect match!