Divorce Frustration: Wiping the Slate Clean

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce isn’t always a smooth and stress-free process. This can cause you a lot of divorce frustration. Still, it’s not good to let that frustration get in your way. Rather, you’ll want to take a moment and try to re-focus…

Divorce Frustration: How To Re-Focus

Stop and breathe

Divorce frustration tends to have a bit of a snowball effect. Once something gets you upset, it’ll feel like every other inconvenience will just add onto it. This can leave you feeling immensely frustrated and pretty angry too. This could cause you to act a bit irrationally, which could lead to you making a mistake.

Therefore, when you feel that frustration coming, take a moment to stop and breathe. If you’re able to calm yourself down ahead of time, then you can avoid the massive headache that can come with being frustrated. Plus, being in a calm state of mind helps you see the situation more clearly and pick the best decision.

Consider what you can control

A lot of divorce frustration also comes from things outside of your control. For instance, you might get frustrated at something your ex says or does to you. However, you can’t control how someone will act or what they can say. Instead, you can only control what you do and say.

As a result, don’t get frustrated over things you can’t control. While you can’t control what your ex says or does, you can control how you’ll respond to them. If you respond in a better fashion, you can make them realize their actions won’t get to you. This can help you immensely as the divorce goes on.

Consider a different approach

You can also experience divorce frustration if your view is too narrow. Many people set themselves on something and refuse to change their minds. For example, say you have a specific custody agreement in mind, and your ex disagrees. If you aren’t able to consider different approaches, then you’re going to get frustrated.

On the other hand, if you’re willing to compromise and work with them, you can both avoid frustration. Therefore, don’t be afraid to consider a different perspective. After all, it could be even better than what you had thought of!

Realistic Expectations in Marriage

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Expectations can really make or break a marriage. If your expectations are too high, or impossible to live up to, then it can become difficult to adjust to your new way of life. Therefore, it’s important to set up realistic expectations of divorce. Doing so will help you and your partner avoid some constant arguments and issues…

Realistic Expectations in Marriage: Commitment and Struggle

Commitment

Commitment to your marriage is one of the most standard realistic expectations. A marriage is basically like an agreement between you and your partner. Based on your love for each other, you agree to be together and trust you’ll both hold up that end of the agreement. If that commitment is violated, then so is the trust and love that founded the marriage.

Still, it’s important to help reaffirm that trust between the both of you. There’s a couple ways you can do this. Maybe you give your partner verbal affection that makes them confident in your commitment. Or, you do special things with them to show you care. Doing things like these can help show you’re fulfilling that expectation.

Open communication

Healthy communication is also another of the realistic expectations you should have. Couples should be able to talk to each other openly and honestly. A marriage where partners lie to each other and are scared to be honest isn’t a healthy one. Eventually, this will cause things to get worse over time.

Rather, you both should be able to have good, honest discussions. That’s especially true for when you disagree. Instead of getting right into an argument, listen to and respect what each of you have to say. That way, you can work together on a solution that works.

Spending time with each other

Being with one another seems like a pretty straightforward matter. However, this is one of the realistic expectations couples struggle with. It’s always important to spend some quality time with your partner. Still, you also have to accept there will be times you aren’t together either.

Both of you have other important people in your lives, like family and friends. Therefore, it makes sense you’d like to also spend time with them. Both you and your partner should respect that, and even encourage it. As long as you spend plenty of time together too, then it shouldn’t be an issue.

Credit Cards During Divorce: Their Impact

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

With how expensive divorce is, you don’t want to add more costs than you need to. That means you should be careful with your credit cards during divorce. While they can be useful, you also need to make sure they don’t hurt your finances in the process…

Credit Cards During Divorce

Watch your accounts

Before using any credit cards during divorce, you should first make sure the accounts are secure. Many couples like to open up joint accounts, or joint cards. While that might’ve been fine before, it could now be an issue. After all, you don’t want to be accountable for debt that isn’t yours.

If you have a joint account, then you can try to see if you can make it into a sole account. Still, it may just be safer to have the account closed, and then open up a new one. You don’t want a vindictive ex trying to access a joint account and try to hurt you financially.

Use them sparingly

Another good idea is the use credit cards during divorce in a sparring manner. It can be tempting to use them due to the more-flexible payment schedule. However, you might be setting yourself for a big debt issue. Instead, try to limit when you use them.

A good idea is to use them for things you’d have to buy anyways. For example, that may include things like gas or groceries. That way, not only do you keep your payments low, but you can also work on boosting your credit score at the same time.

Make payments on time

Be sure you make your payments on time when using credit cards during divorce. Late payments will mean late fees, and an increase on your interest rate. Eventually, if you fall behind on a lot of payments, your credit score is going to take a serious hit.

It might be helpful to set up automated payments for your credit card bills. Many banks will let you set it up so your payments can be made every month on time. That way, you’ll have one less thing to worry about.

Co-Parenting Curriculum: Back to School Woes

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

If you’ve recently gone through a divorce, and this is your first school year as a divorced parent— it can be hard to navigate. From homework, pick-up, drop-off, extracurriculars, parent nights, and beyond— how do you manage it all as a newly divorced parent? This is a challenging time of year in many ways. However, if you can conquer co-parenting curriculum, you’ll have one less thing to worry about.

Co-Parenting Curriculum: Tips for a Successful School Year

First things first, we suggest setting a parenting plan early on in the divorce. By setting a parenting plan, you can account for holidays, back to school, birthdays, and any other events you’ll run into over the year. Of course, some flexibility is required when something comes up. But, it’s a good basis to put together, and keep your mind off of. As your kids get back to school, and you start navigating this as two separate parents, rather than a unity— you’ll have to communicate well.

Communication

Your child and their education is a number one priority. However, it’s not uncommon that grades will slip after a divorce. So, make helping your child prosper part of the co-parenting curriculum. Put those personal issues aside and focus on the common goal— your child. Have a safe space for you two to discuss important things, such as an email chain, or a planner that goes back and forth with your child. 

Parent-teacher conferences

One issue you might run into are parent-teacher conferences. These conferences typically require both parents to be there, especially when you’re running separate households. As newly divorced parents, this can be a difficult thing to do. However the most important part of your co-parenting curriculum, is being on the same page with your co-parent. Therefore, it’s important that you both attend together. Of course, if you have a strong co-parenting relationship with your former spouse, and trust them to tell you whatever you need to know— so be it.

Create a common homework schedule

Lastly, when it comes to your co-parenting curriculum, make a common schedule your priority in terms of school work and responsibility. You don’t want to have to deal with the back and forth of: ‘Mom/Dad said I can watch TV first…’ If you want to handle homework without stress or argument, keep a uniformed system. The key to successful schooling post-divorce, is to keep a uniformed system, communicate, and stay involved as a unit.

Divorcing During Pregnancy: Avoiding Stress

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Getting married and bringing children into the world should be some of the happiest times in a person’s life. However, things don’t always go according to plan. Sometimes, the unexpected becomes your reality. In the event that you’re divorcing during pregnancy, you’ll have a lot on your plate.

Now, instead of just facing divorce, you’re also trying to reduce stress for your unborn child. Often times, it can be difficult to figure out where to start, and how to go about this in the most stress-free way possible…

Divorcing During Pregnancy: Achieving a Stress-Free Separation

Understand the Law

​The first thing you need to do in any divorce, is to understand what the law says. Every state is a little bit different, and will change your options by some degree. So, make sure you’re reading the right laws for your state.

Furthermore, speaking with an attorney can make this process a lot easier, and removes that ‘legalese’ language. Some states even hinder your options when it comes to divorcing during pregnancy, and will make you wait, or just file for a separation. Understanding your options makes it easier to plan accordingly.

Talk to Your Spouse

With most divorcing couples, communication is a pretty big issue. But, it’s a pretty large part of the process, especially when it comes to divorcing during pregnancy. You’ll need to discuss both parent’s intention when it comes to custody arrangements, and how involved they hope to be. Unfortunately, even before your child is born, you’ll want to begin discussing visitation and support agreements. 

Taking these steps will ensure you can have these all handled in the initial divorce agreement. If not, then it can be a costly and difficult process to go back to court to get orders for them. It might be hard, but doing these things now makes it easier on you and your spouse in the long run.

Build Your Support Group

Before your child is even born, you know that you will be a single parent. This wasn’t your plan from the beginning, which can make this fact all the more jarring and frightening. Having a support group is important to help deal with the feelings of isolation and stress that are natural to any parent, but especially a single one. Don’t be afraid to reach out to friends and family for support.

Odds are, they’ll be more than happy to help you. You can also look for single parent support groups. Not only do these groups offer great programs to help you adjust, they are also full of people who know exactly what you are going through. Knowing that you don’t have to face this challenge alone can help make this difficult time a little bit easier to handle.

There’s no denying that this is a difficult, frightening, and stressful time for many reasons…

But, there are steps you can take to be more informed, supported, and ready to divorce during pregnancy. Furthermore, getting prepared to move into single parenthood and co-parenting. Taking cues from these tips here can help make this stressful process a doable one for both you and your baby’s sake.

Long Distance Co-Parenting

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

When parents separate, it generally means the children will soon have two homes. Two places to call home, two homes to create memories, and two places to call their safe space. Sometimes, however, these two homes are far away from each other. When it comes to long distance co-parenting, the distance can be fifty miles or five hundred. However, it still feels like the other parent is on the other side of the world for the child. Long distance co-parenting isn’t a bad thing, it shows effort and dedication on both parts.

Long Distance Co-Parenting

Be Active

If you are the parent that the child lives with most of the time, make sure you send their other parent quick text and photo updates of the child. It’s an easy and quick way to keep the long-distance parent involved in day to day activities.

If you are the other half of the long distance co-parenting situation, you can be active in sending texts or quick phone calls just to let the child know they’re being thought of. By sharing in small daily texts, it’s also important to maintain cordial relationships with your former spouse.

Stay Up to Date

Long distance co-parenting requires a little more effort when it comes to keeping up with your child. Sports, extracurriculars, and other activities are important to children.

Keeping an open line of communication between both parents for matters that regard the child is important. This makes sure no parent feels left out. Keeping up with these aspects of life from afar show there is an investment in the child, even at a distance.

Be Creative

Let’s be honest, it’s hard to keep photos of an ex-spouse in your home. It’s important to keep a few, however, to create a family environment for your kids. In situations of long distance co-parenting, a few family pictures throughout the house will help during visits or moments of missing the long distance parent.

Make Time

Creating a specific time to FaceTime or Skype with your child is so important. Creating a plan and making it a routine creates something for you and your child to look forward to. It can be daily or weekly. This allows for visual time when texts and phone calls are the norm in your long distance co-parenting reality.

​During visits at the long-distance home, use that scheduled time to video chat with the other parent. It will create a balance and still allow some quality time with both parents for the child.

Home Improvement Post-Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Life post-divorce can be a tough time for anyone. Adjusting to the new changes in your life is difficult to do, and you might find yourself in a slump. However, post-divorce home improvement might be what you need to make your house and yourself feel whole again…

Home Improvement Post-Divorce: Redefining Your Space 

Start to declutter

Before you start your post-divorce home improvement, you’ll want to declutter first. This will allow you to start clearing out space for your new decoration plans. Also, it gives you a chance to get rid of any items that remind you of your ex, helping make the place feel more like its yours. Even if you’re not ready to get rid of everything just yet, try and keep it tucked away. Out of sight, out of mind is very true in this case.

Find your style

When you’re living with someone, you’ll have to find a home style you both can agree on. However, post-divorce home improvement means you get to find your own personal style. Each style has their own features which can inspire and make your home space feel more complete. As you search for a style, you’ll also learn a bit more about yourself.

Positive paint choices

Your home has a large impact on your own state of mind. Choosing the right paint colors is an important part of your post-divorce home improvement. Colors can have a large impact on your emotions, so you’ll want to pick colors that promote happiness and creativity. The right colors can completely change the atmosphere in your home for the better.

Focal point favorites

Now that you have the freedom of choice, you no longer need to use your ex’s furniture or other pieces as focal points in your rooms. Instead of keeping the chair your ex picked out, why not go for a more modern couch instead? Why still sleep in the same bed you shared with your partner when you can get one tailored for your preferences? Find the pieces that you like to make your house more complete.

Divorce is a major life-changing experience. However, that doesn’t mean there can’t be positive changes as well. Taking the steps to reinvent your home can also lead to you reinventing yourself as well.

Divorce Communication: Successful Separation

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce can be a time of high-running emotions and stress. Sometimes, this can make effective divorce communication difficult for people. Knowing the right way to talk to your ex is a key part of a smooth divorce process…​
Divorce Communication: Keep it Healthy

Be straightforward

A common divorce communication problem is not being clear about what is going on. Sometimes, people might dance around discussing matters like finances or co-parenting. This could be due to them not wanting to create tension or conflict with their ex. However, this ends up doing the exact opposite.

Not being direct about what you think can lead to your ex getting aggravated and your divorce going nowhere. Instead, you should let your ex know what you’re thinking and why. That way, you can make some progress in your divorce.

Don’t shut out your ex

Proper divorce communication is a two-way street. You should also be willing to listen to what your ex says. Dominating the divorce discussion will only make your ex not want to discuss things to find solutions.

Instead, let your ex know that they should be open as well. Don’t interrupt your ex when they’re speaking either. A lot of potential arguments can be avoided by letting someone finish what they’re saying! Once your ex feels like they can be heard, your communication will quickly improve.

Don’t be rude

Being polite seems like a no-brainier, but it’s something that many divorcing couples don’t do. All of the emotions that a divorce brings can make couples lash out at each other instead of talk normally. This is especially apparent if the divorce wasn’t a mutual decision. 

However, a little politeness goes a long way. You should avoid making snarky comments about your ex or what their thinking. Even if you disagree, it’s better to explain why you do than shut them down. If your ex is being rude to you, it’s always best to take the high road. Not playing their games will give you the upper hand in the negotiations.

Healthy divorce communication is a crucial part of any smooth divorce. Practicing these communication tips can help you and your ex get through your divorce and onto the next chapter of your lives quickly and painlessly.

Divorcing Parents: Children Considerations

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

The one question that all divorcing parents will have to think about is “how will this affect my children?” Children, especially younger ones, will struggle to understand the complications of divorce. Meanwhile, the parents will struggle to figure out what’s best for their children. However, it’s definitely possible to get a divorce and have your children grow up happy and healthy, as long as you keep in mind some important considerations.

Divorcing Parents: Children Considerations

The end of a marriage, but not a Family​

One thing that divorcing parents have to keep in mind is that, while their marriage is over, you are still co-parents. Even if things ended on bad terms, you have a responsibility to your children to be good, cooperative parents. You both might see each other as individuals now, but your children will still see you as their parents who they want there at birthdays, sports games, holidays, etc.

You shouldn’t neglect your child’s well being merely because things went south in your marriage. Typically, as a married family, we see marriage and family as one in the same. However, being married, and being parents, are two separate entities.

Don’t Play Tug-Of-War

Children can feel uncomfortable during a divorce, especially when the topic of custody comes up. They might feel like they have to “pick a side” and this can turn into resentment down the line. That’s why it’s generally recommended that divorcing parents work out a shared custody agreement. Choosing shared custody will allow your child to spend time with both you and your ex, giving them a balanced parental relationship.

However, it’s also important to make sure you and your ex can be flexible and work together rather than against each other.Try to be flexible about schedule changes; you wouldn’t want to give your children the impression that they’re “unwanted”. Also, don’t badmouth your ex when you’re around your children. This is unfair to your children and gives them a skewed perception of someone they look up to.

Use Professional Resources

If you and your ex are worried about your children, then it might be worth it to consider professional help. A family therapist, or counselor, can provide you with tips in terms of how to best help your children understand this difficult time. They can also help your children understand and explain to you what they’re feeling as well. The better you understand what your children feel, the better equipped you’ll be to help them.

During this time of divorce, it’s crucial that your kids don’t feel like you’re leaving them too. Showing them support and affection can help them adjust to the new way things will be. You and your ex will both want whats best for them, so its important to work towards that together.

Abusive Relationship: Making Changes

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

An abusive relationship can take a toll on every aspect of your life. From other relationships, self-confidence, your sense of safety, your mental health… There isn’t a single portion of your life that abuse doesn’t touch. For this reason, even when you’re finally out of an abusive situation, it can be hard to heal. You’re mentally exhausted, embarrassed, alone, and facing the negative impact of your ex partner. So, how do you start healing? And what can you do to better your situation and find yourself again?

Abusive Relationship: Healing and Moving Forward

The first step towards healing after an abusive relationship, is coming to terms with the trauma. Whether the abuse was physical, mental, or a combination of both— you have a lot to overcome. Maybe they never hit you, but they publicly embarrassed you, called you names, made you insecure, kept you from the people you loved…

When you are finally able to remove yourself from the situation, you can begin to understand what things were happening that you didn’t process as abuse. You did not deserve what you are going through. This is not how a relationship is supposed to work, and that is not what you should expect of a partner in the future.

Speak with a professional

While we all like to think we can take care of ourselves, some situations are more difficult than others. Especially when you’re spending months, or even years, being told that you aren’t good enough, amongst other things. A therapist can help you process those emotions you’re feeling, and begin to heal after an abusive relationship.

Completely cut the abuser out of your life

When you’ve been with someone for a long time, no matter if they were hurting you or not, it can be difficult to cut them out of your life. Therefore, having photos around, access to their social media, and things that remind you of them— can be detrimental to your healing. Cut out your exposure, begin seeing a professional, and spend time with the people who are there to help you through this difficult time.

Focus on your health

Develop healthy routines to replace your old ones. Begin your day with exercise, breakfast, work, reading, yoga… Whatever helps you heal, find yourself, an escape the memories and feelings you might associate with your abusive relationship. Healthy eating and exercise is a great place to start in improving your health and mental state.