How-to Identify Financial Abuse in a Relationship

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

When you think of domestic violence and abuse, you probably think of physical and verbal abuse. However, there are many forms of abuse. Oftentimes, financial abuse is overlooked. According to a study by the Centers for Financial Security, 99% of domestic violence cases also involved financial abuse. In fact, it is often the first sign of dating violence and domestic abuse. Learn the signs of financial abuse in a relationship so that you can protect yourself.

How-to Identify Financial Abuse in a Relationship: Knowing the Signs

What is Financial Abuse?

Financial abuse can vary from situation to situation. There is no one perfect example of it. However, it does involve controlling someone’s ability to get, use, and maintain financial resources. The victims may even be prevented from working so that they are unable to make or access money for themselves. In addition, the victims of financial abuse in a relationship may have their own money stolen or limited by their abuser. If the victim does have access to money, they may have to account for any of it that they use.

Look for Signs of Abuse

While every situation is different, there are certain things you can pay attention to. First, abusers may use or controls the money you have earned or saved. Examples of this include using your money or credit cards for their own benefit without asking. They may also ask to borrow money from you and never repay it. Also, they may ruin your credit by charging things to your account and not paying them off. Another sign of financial abuse in a relationship is if they have a double standard when it comes to spending. For example, they may spend money on entertainment, dining out, and clothing but criticize you when you make similar purchases

They may start to control where you can or can not work, and may even make you quit your job. In addition, they may actually try to sabotage your job. It is possible for them to go as far as hiding your car keys or removing your car battery so that you can not show up to work. These are only just a few of the signs of financial abuse, but there are many more.

Get Help

If you or someone you know is a victim of financial abuse in a relationship, get help right away. Call a counselor, advocate, or religious leader. Remember that financial abuse is not something that gets better with time. Oftentimes, it can actually end up leading to other types of abuse. You can also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for confidential assistance from trained professionals. Do not wait until it is too late to get help.

How-to: Handle Social Media While Getting a Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

If you want more information on the topic of social media while getting a divorce, please view this video.

Social media consumes many of our lives. From the time we wake up to the time we go to bed, we are checking social media more often than we think. According to Statista.com, in 2019, internet users world wide averaged 144 minutes of social media every day. In 2018, more than half of American adults say they opened a social media app on their phones at least 10 times a day, and that number is always growing. Social media can potentially hurt your job, relationships, and even your mental health. In addition, social media can be harmful while you are going through the divorce process. Learn how to handle social media while getting a divorce.

How-to Handle Social Media While Getting a Divorce: Ways to Avoid It

Perceptions and Consequences

Most people overshare and over-post on social media. They lay out every detail of their life for everyone to see. Oversharing on social media while getting a divorce can come back to haunt you. For example, if you post about engaging risky behaviors, this could hurt you in a custody battle. In addition, if you have posted things that could hint at an extramarital relationship, this could hurt you as well.

Some people may even get angry about the divorce and post threatening posts about their soon-to-be ex. Keep in mind that the court can use anything on social media as evidence against you. This is true whether it is a public or private message, so never post anything privately or publicly that you don’t want other people to see. A good rule is to always use common sense.

Take a Break

Ideally, you should take a break from social media while getting a divorce. First, so many people only show their curated highlights online, and never the things they are actually going through. Scrolling mindlessly through peoples highlight reals for hours at a time can be harmful to your mental health. You could start comparing your life to theirs, which is not healthy. This is especially true when you are going through a difficult time in your life yourself.

Take a break from social media to reflect on what is going on in your life. Look at how you got to this point and how you can start to heal and move forward. Social media takes up so much of our time that oftentimes we forget about taking time for ourselves. Instead, step back from social media and focus on taking care of yourself while you are going through this process. Who knows, perhaps after the break, social media will no longer rule your life anymore.

How-to Avoid Conflict During Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce is never easy. The process will often stir up conflict between spouses as it brings out strong emotions and feelings. It is not uncommon to feel anger, sadness, hurt, and disappointment. You will find the process to be much smoother when you try to minimize or avoid conflict in a divorce. If you have children, it is even more important to do your best to avoid conflict during divorce. Children do not react well to poorly managed conflict. By managing anger and conflict now, it will also make life post-divorce easier, especially if you have kids.

How-to Avoid Conflict During Divorce: Managing the Process

Don’t Bring Up the Past

It is not uncommon to dwell on the past events and actions that may have led to your marriage ending. Sometimes instead of being helpful, it actually can bring up a lot of anger and pain. Try to avoid getting hung up on the past, or reminding your ex of any wrongdoings. This is sure to lead to an argument, or someone feeling attacked. Instead, work to avoid conflict during divorce. In the words of Dennis Waitley, “Don’t dwell on the past, look toward the future and the positivity that is to come!” If you are going to reflect on the past, do so in a positive, constructive way. That way you can learn from your mistakes and be able to avoid those in your next relationship.

Communication

If you do not feel like you can communicate directly with your soon-to-be ex in a civil manner, it may be best to find an alternative way. You may want to hire a mediator to help avoid conflict during divorce. A mediator is a neutral third party that can help with communication and negotiations during a divorce. They can work beside attorneys to help you come to agreements sooner and with less conflict. Mediation helps you and your ex to come up with a solution based on what is best for your family. This can be a much better option than a judge deciding the outcome of your divorce.

Sometimes you may be unable to communicate with your spouse in a civil manner, even through writing. If a mediator is unable to help, consider communicating through your attorney. Keep in mind that your attorney is your strongest advocate. Plus, they can can communicate on your behalf without getting involved emotionally.

How-to Co-Parent Over the Holidays

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

The holidays are supposed to be a joyous time of year, filled with family, food and cheer. However, in plenty of cases, this is not the situation. Many find the holidays to be stressful, chaotic, and often painful. Some have lost loved ones, and families may be split apart. The holidays can be a real time of conflict. So how do we deal with our ex-partner and all of these pressures as you are trying to coordinate the holidays? It takes a lot of coordination to make sure each parent gets their time with the children, while still making everyone happy and ensuring everyone gets to see them. While it may seem challenging, it is possible to co-parent over the holidays.

How-to Co-Parent Over the Holidays: Working Out the Arrangements

Be Realistic

When you have to co-parent over the holidays, have realistic expectations. Unless you want to spend the holidays with your ex, you can not expect that you will always get to have your kids with you on the exact holidays. Remember that December 24 and 25 are just dates, and that you can still have a wonderful time even if you have to celebrate a little before or after. Also, you will have to keep in mind that you may not be able to have your kids visit with every single relative for the holidays. It is much more important for your children to be able to share the holidays with their other parent than see a far distant relative. If you go ahead and have reasonable expectations set, you will enjoy the season much more.

Traditions

It is no secret that traditions help make the season special. Children often have fond memories of family traditions they enjoyed. Keep in mind that a divorce does not mean that all of the fun traditions have to be over. Some family traditions may be too painful to continue. Be mindful of this, and only do what is appropriate for your situation and your family. Additionally, you should also create new traditions that are fun for everyone to enjoy. It is okay for you to hold onto some old traditions and create new ones when you have to co-parent over the holidays.

Communication

Whatever you do, communicate with the other parent before making or changing plans. Do you best to come up with a schedule to spend time with the kids, whether together or separate. Things can get more complicated if there are misunderstandings or miscommunications. Try to come up with a reasonable schedule for the holidays. Then, present it to your ex as soon as possible. Work through this to make sure this setup works best for both of you.

How-to Decide if You Should Date a Divorcee

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Statistics say that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. That means there are going to be quite a few divorcees out there. When you are on the dating scene, you are likely to encounter several, or many, divorcees. There are going to be different pros and cons that come with dating someone who has been divorced before. Here are some things to consider if you are trying to decide if you should date a divorcee.

How-to Decide if You Should Date a Divorcee: Choosing a Relationship

Commitment

Divorcees have already made a commitment to marriage (at least) once already. This likely means that they will have a clearer mindset about the reality of marriage and the problems that can arise. Due to this, they may be slower to make another commitment again. However, know that once they do make a commitment, they are more likely to stick with it. They will not want to go through the pain of another separation again. This is all good to know if you are going to date a divorcee.

They will have experienced what worked and what did not work in a relationship. They will also have experienced a wedding, marriage, and end of a marriage. Through all of the highs and lows of this process, they will have learned a lot about themselves and what is important to them. This may have made them more well-rounded as a person. This experience is invaluable when forming a new relationship. However, these experiences could also make a divorcee bitter as well.

Family Ties

It is also good to consider the family ties that come along with a divorcee. There will always be a tie, in some way or another, with an ex. This same thing is true if this person has children. No matter the age of the children, or whether or not they live with their parent or not, the kids will come as part of the package. When children are involved, your partner will likely have to have contact with their ex. This can especially be difficult when a new relationship is developing.

If you are going to date a divorcee, you will have to honestly ask yourself if you are able to accept these family ties. Know that your partner may take a while to introduce you to his or her children. This is nothing against you, it is just protecting the children’s feelings and emotions. If this relationship turns into marriage, you will need be comfortable that you will become a stepparent. Depending on the situation, this could be a really amazing or challenging transition.

How-to Work with a Financial Advisor During Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce can be very difficult on your financial situation. If you relied on dual-incomes to make ends meet, or your partner was the only one who worked, this can be especially challenging. Divorce may force you to change your lifestyle and spending habits. If you find finances to be an unpleasant and overwhelming thing to think about, you are in luck. Financial advisors are professionals that specialize in helping people with their finances. Learn how to work with a financial advisor during divorce.

How-to Work with a Financial Advisor During Divorce: Manage Your Finances

Financial Goals

Financial planners and advisors can help you get on track and work towards the goals you want to achieve. Unfortunately, according to a study, only 5% of women work with a financial advisor during divorce. However, these professionals can be as asset as part of a divorce team. In fact, 61% of women who did not use a financial planner wish that they would have worked with one during their divorce.

If you have not already, it is good to sit down and figure out your financial goals. Thinking these through will help you be able to work towards reaching your goals. Some good financial goals include paying off your debt, having a comfortable retirement, and saving for an emergency fund. Others include being able to buy a new home, creating another income source, or building wealth through investments.

Benefits

One of the benefits of using a financial planner is that they can help you evaluate your lifestyle. They will help you take a hard look at your finances both before and after the divorce. This will be helpful for even looking at different things like covering expenses, buying insurance, creating a budget, and paying bills.

Another benefit of working with a financial advisor during divorce is that they can help you look at your assets. This will include hidden gems you may not have remembered, and which assets to fight for during your divorce. Consider things like jewelry, investments, college funds and retirement accounts. The financial advisor will be able to determine what is worth asking for and also set up a plan to help you achieve financial freedom.

Although this is an underutilized resource, working with a financial advisor during divorce is a smart move. They will help you to be able to start off on the right track during and after your divorce. You will be glad they were part of your divorce team.

How-to Prepare for the Holidays as a Single Parent

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
The holiday season is just around the corner. This is a time for food, festivities and family. However, for some people, this may be a season of firsts as well. Anyone who has just gone through a divorce may be feeling the dread of going through the holidays alone. This may be your first year preparing for the holidays as a single parent. While the season may feel a bit different, you can still make it special.

How-to Prepare for the Holidays as a Single Parent: Creating New Traditions

Plans with Ex

If you are recently divorced and trying to figure out the holidays as a single parent, know that you will need to discuss and coordinate with your ex. This includes visits as well as gift giving. You want to make sure you are not overlapping one another’s gifts, and that each parent is on the same page. Do not try and outdo your ex with lavish, expensive gifts. If the roles are reversed and your ex is giving over the top gifts that are out of your budget, do not throw your kids into the middle of an argument. Instead, you can give your kids the precious gift of time. If your kids will be with your ex, do not show anger when they go off with their other parent. Do not make them feel guilty or conflicted. Let them know you will look forward to celebrating with them when they get back and tell them to have a great time!

New Traditions

Since the holidays will look different the first year you celebrate the holidays as a single parent, try and create new, fun traditions. However, do not forget your old traditions too, as long as they fit your your new situation. You can do this whether you have young children or adult children. If this will be your first year alone without your ex or your kids, make other plans for your celebrations. Spend time with your extended family, friends, or other single parents who may also be alone. Also, remember that there is not a rule that a holiday must only be celebrated exclusively on one certain day. An early, or delayed, celebration with friends and family just gives you an extended holiday season, and can be just as special too. Celebrating the holidays as a single parent for the first time may be a challenge. However, you will be able to get through it successfully. Enjoy old traditions if they are not too painful or no longer fit your family, and create new traditions too. Be considerate of your kids and their other parent, and keep any anger or disagreements to yourself for the sake of your kids. Remember, this will be a new way to celebrate the holidays for them too.

How-to Find a Job After a Divorce: Hitting Your Stride

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Getting a divorce could mean having to reenter the job market. It is common that spouses that were “stay-at-home” parents before the split, but may need to find a job after the split. During the separation period, you will have to take a good hard look at your financial situation. Depending on your circumstances, you may determine that without income, you will not be able to afford the same time of lifestyle you have been accustomed to. Therefore, it is important to know how to find a job after a divorce. With a little time, effort, and patience, it is possible to reenter the workforce.

How-to Find a Job After a Divorce: Reentering the Workforce

Pick a Path

First, to find a job after a divorce, you will have to determine which career path you want to pursue. Keep in mind that just because you went to school for something, or worked in that industry before, does not mean you have to return to that field. It is a good idea to do some research about different career options. Ask your friends about their careers, and if they enjoy them. You could get inspiration from them! Doing online searches is a good option as well.

This is a great opportunity to do some soul-searching and determine what you want to do with your life. Start by thinking about what you love doing and what you are passionate about. Even if you can not turn your exact passion into a career, try and evaluate what it is about that hobby and see if you can apply that into another career path. Perhaps you enjoy playing team sports. Do you enjoy the socialization part of it? Or perhaps the competitive or strategic part of it? These different aspects can translate into different types of careers you could consider.

Set Yourself Up For Success

When trying to find a job after a divorce, you will want to take the steps to set yourself up for success. You will want to make sure to create an updated resume and cover letter so that you are prepared to apply for jobs. Have a friend you trust, or a career coach, to read it and give you feedback. Don’t forget to let your friends know that you are on the job hunt. They may know of positions or have connections that may be able to help you out.

If you don’t already have one, create a profile on LinkedIn. This will help potential employers find you, and help you to connect with others in your desired field. Having an update LinkedIn profile is an important step in the job hunting process. Many employers will even have a spot on their job applications for you to share your LinkedIn account name.

Apply

Applying for jobs can be frustrating and draining. You may hear a lot of “no’s”, or even get ignored, before getting a “yes”. Do not get discouraged. If you are not getting any luck, consider getting a career coach, or speaking with a recruiter. These can be helpful resources when trying to find a job after a divorce.

Education

If you absolutely can not find a job that you like and can support you without going back to school, you can pursue further education. There are plenty of programs out there that are geared towards adult students. Most of these even provide schedules that work around work schedules. This could allow you to find an interim job to be able to make money, plus still be able to take classes. Keep in mind that just because you go back to school for something doesn’t mean you will automatically land your dream job in that field. It could still take time, effort and patience to get to where you want to be. You may have to work some entry-level jobs initially, but you can still get to the career that you want with a little work.

How-to Get Fit Post-Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Exercise is a great way to feel happier and relieve stress after your divorce. However, it’s also great for its physical health benefits too. Therefore, it’s good to know some helpful strategies to get fit post-divorce. That way, you can really get as much out of your workout as possible…

How-to Get Fit Post-Divorce: Key Techniques

Eat right

Your diet is important if you want to get fit post-divorce. After all, if you don’t eat healthy, then your workout will go to waste. As such, don’t fall into the trap into thinking you can just eat whatever and “sweat it out.” Instead, you should focus on creating a healthy diet which will help support your body during a workout and refuel it afterwards.

For example, eating fruits and vegetables before you work out is better than doing so afterwards, as they’ll be able to help fuel your workout. Afterwards, protein and carbs will be key. Many dietary experts suggest that a 3:1 ratio of carbs-to-protein is best for helping your body recover.

Find a good workout plan

When you want to get fit post-divorce, you should have a good workout plan. Different plans will focus on different parts of the body. Others may specialize in specific goals, like weight loss or muscle gain. Which plan you pick depends on what exercise goals you want to achieve.

Plus, you have a lot of choices to choose from. It’s also easy to mix and max parts of different plans to get a more-complete custom plan. This is good for when you want to add some variety, as your body may build resistance to your normal routine. Mixing things up ensures you get a good workout every time.

Get enough sleep

Sleep is a key element when you want to get fit post-divorce. Sleep is crucial for giving your body time to recover from your workouts and get ready for the next day. In particular, it gives your muscles a chance to heal and get stronger from your exercises. Skimping on sleep can minimize the results you get from your workouts.

In general, it’s good to get at least 8 hours of sleep each night. In fact, working out may make it easier for you to fall asleep. The combination of exercising wearing you out while also improving your body tends to lead to better, longer sleep for many people.

How-to Manage Having Split Custody of Your Kids

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

In some divorce arrangements, parents may end up with split custody of their children. Split custody is different than joint custody. This is a child custody arrangement in which one parent has sole custody of one or more children. Then, the other parent has sole custody of the remaining siblings. This arrangement can be difficult for both the parents and the children. If this applies to you, learn how to manage having split custody of your kids.

How-to Manage Having Split Custody of Your Kids: Divorce Arrangements

Difficulties

Having split custody of your kids can be difficult. One of the hardest parts about it is that your kids may never actually get to see one another. If one child spends all week at moms, while the other spends all week at dads, and they switch on the weekend, they will never be together. Going to living with only one parent at a time can be a big change for children. Compound that with also no longer living with their siblings too, and that makes it even more of an adjustment.

Benefits

On the other hand, there can be some benefits of having split custody of your kids. For example, this could be beneficial if one child is combative or physically or emotionally abusive to the other. In this case, it may be best to have both of the siblings separated. Another example is if one child has special needs. Depending on how severe the disabilities are, one parent may need to solely focus on taking care of the child with special needs. A parent who works away from home full-time likely would not be able to take care of a special needs child in the same way a stay-at-home parent can.

In some cases, if there are large age gaps between siblings, each may prefer to live with a different parent. Another situation is if one parents lives close to a special school that would be beneficial for one child, that child may choose to live with that parent. For example, if there is a really good school of the arts, and a child really wants to be in that program, they may decide to live at the house closest to that school. This could also apply to certain schools for kids with physical or learning disabilities.

There are definitely pros and cons to having split custody of your kids. However, if you make decisions with your children’s best interest in mind, you can manage this unusual situation.