How to Move on After an Abusive Relationship

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
It can be incredibly difficult to move on after an abusive relationship. Physical abuse can leave you hurt and scarred. But emotional abuse can almost be harder to move on from because it’s harder to recognize. If you have gone through either of these and are struggling to move on, it’s time to make your wellbeing the priority. Try to go back through your relationship and pinpoint personality traits that might have contributed to the abuse. Write down everything that happened and how you feel. Next, make your own health a priority, and consider speaking to a therapist for extra support. Hopefully, you’ll be able to move on from the abusive relationship and find a new partner that treats you the way you deserve to be treated.

How to Move on After an Abusive Relationship: Emotional or Physical

Pinpoint Personality Traits

One of the ways to move on after an abusive relationship is to look back over your entire time together and try to pinpoint any personality traits that are red flags. Perhaps your partner was increasingly jealous or controlling? Maybe your fighting was getting out of hand. Or maybe a slight push at the start didn’t seem like a big deal. But then the physical abuse becomes more violent. Finding these little signs along the way are red flags. Knowing what to look for can help you see them as a future partner.

Write it Down

Another thing to help you move on after an abusive relationship is to write things down. For example, you can find a journal and write down every instance of abuse you can remember. Also, record the way that you’re feeling right now. Also, try to think back on how you felt in those moments. If you ever are feeling like you want to give your ex another chance, it can be helpful to read back over your entries. Seeing the abuse written down can put things in perspective. It can also help you see how things got out of hand, so you can avoid it next time.

Make Your Health a Priority

If you’re trying to move on after an abusive relationship, it’s time to put your health as a priority. Find things that make you feel happy and self-confident. For example, maybe you haven’t had as much time for old friends lately. Or perhaps you have a hobby that you take pride in. Make your mental health a priority and try to get plenty of sleep and exercise.

Consider Therapy

Finally, if you’re struggling to move on after an abusive relationship, it can help to go to therapy. A therapist can give you advice and tips to help you move on. They can also help you recognize warning signs in a partner. Professional therapy can be incredibly helpful in building back up your self-confidence. It can be hard to move on after an abusive relationship. Physical abuse and emotional abuse can be damaging and the scars can last a long time. Even after the physical scars have healed. Try to look back on your relationship and see if there are any red flags that you might be able to notice in the future. It’s time to make your own well-being a priority. For example, try a new exercise routine or get back into an old passion. And finally, consider speaking to a professional therapist. Hopefully, all of these things can help you move on from your abusive relationship and help you get back into the dating world so you can begin a new relationship with somebody more worthy of your time.

Looking Your Best for Divorce Court

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Looking your best for divorce court might not seem all that important, but first impressions matter. The American justice system is old-fashioned and most judges prefer people to dress respectfully in the courtroom. This means having a professional-looking hairstyle and clothing. In addition, personal style is important, but in the courtroom, it’s best to just keep it somewhat plain and simple. Looking best probably won’t affect your outcome in any major way, but it certainly doesn’t hurt.

Looking Your Best for Divorce Court: Clothing and Style

Why It Matters

Looking your best for divorce court is important because our justice system is very old-fashioned. Many judges prefer that everybody in the courtroom wear professional clothing as a sign of respect for the court system itself. Attorneys still are mostly expected to wear suits, ties, or skirts. When dressing for court, wear what you might wear for a professional job interview.

Hair

Looking your best for divorce court means keeping your hairstyle to something non-flamboyant. For women, it’s best to style it in a polished-looking ponytail or down. A messy bun is probably not the most professional-looking style. For men, it’s best to keep a clean-cut look and tame facial hair. You might love rocking a blue-dyed mohawk in your everyday life, but in court, it’s best to tamper your wilder side down.

Clothing

In addition to your hair, your clothing should also be modest when looking your best for divorce court. You won’t be able to enter if you’re swearing sweats, shorts, flip flops, midriff-baring clothing, or clothes with inappropriate slogans. For men, it’s best to wear shoes and socks, dress pants belted at the waist, a button-down shirt tucked in, and a tie. You can choose to wear a jacket if you’d like. For women, a knee-length dress or skirt that covers your chest modestly will work, so will slacks with a classy blouse.

Style

Personal style is so important to represent who you are as a person. But looking your best for divorce court means looking modest, and sometimes that means tampering down your personal style for the day. If you have a lot of piercings, consider taking them out for court. If you prefer clothing with sequins or a lot of sparkles, consider goes with something more muted. In addition, loud or flashy jewelry or very long nails will probably not go over as well as a more clean-cut traditional style. Save your awesome unique sense of style for the outside world. Looking your best for divorce court is important because first impressions matter. The judge could potentially be making decisions that affect the rest of your life and your children’s lives. You want to strike the right chord with them from the outset. Start by wearing a traditional-looking hairstyle and modest clothing. You want to look like you might be heading to a job interview. Your personal style is important for your everyday life, but in court, it’s most important to look polished and professional. Once you walk out of the courtroom you can go back to showing off your own personal style!

Pet Custody: Who Gets the Dog in a Divorce?

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Pet custody is a tricky situation that often comes up during divorce proceedings. Pets are loving members of the family for lots of couples. Determining what should happen to them in a divorce can get very complicated. A lot depends on how the pet is owned. There are different types of ownership – marital property and separate property. If one spouse already owned the dog, then it’s somewhat easier to determine. However, if the couple bought the dog jointly, things can get more complicated. Sometimes split custody is the arrangement that everybody agrees on. And finally, if you have children who are close to the dog, it can affect the outcome as well. Divorce is complicated, but hopefully, you will figure out a way to handle the family pet fairly.

Pet Custody: Who Gets the Dog in a Divorce?

Types of Property Ownership

Pet custody often comes down to when and how the family got the pet. In many states, there are two types of property ownership: marital and separate property. Marital property is anything that you both bought together as a couple. It can also include things you bought during your marriage. Separate property includes things that you bring into the marriage. It can also include gifts or things that you inherited during the course of your marriage.

An Animal Owned Before Marriage

If you or your spouse already owned the pet before you got married, pet custody is a little more cut and dry. In this situation, the pet usually goes to its original owner. However, often couples purchase a pet together. In these situations, it can be much more complicated. A judge would look at several factors to determine who gets the pet.

Pets and Children

One of the factors that a judge might look at to determine pet custody is the custody of the children. If children are particularly close to a pet, it can be especially important. Oftentimes, a judge will want what is best for the children. In a time when things are a bit stressful and up in the air, a family pet can keep kids calmer. The pet might go to the parent who spends the most time with the children.

Joint Custody

Another outcome that is less common in pet custody situations is joint custody. This is where a pet would split its time between two spouses. This doesn’t often happen in North Carolina because most judges consider pets as property. However, if a couple jointly decides that this is what they want, they can include it in their separation agreement. They can also decide on visitation. Pet custody can be a complicated and emotional aspect of divorce. Unfortunately, along with the rest of the stress of divorce, people often forget that they’ll have to figure out what happens with their favorite pets. A lot depends on whether the pet is marital or separate property. If one spouse comes into the marriage with the pet, then they usually will get it in a divorce. In contrast, if the spouses buy the pet together it can get much more complicated. If they can agree to joint custody and visitation this can be part of their separation agreement. Otherwise, a judge will decide. Often judges will take the pet’s relationship with the family children into account as well. Hopefully, you’ll be able to come to an agreement that works for everybody and can keep your relationship with your loving pet.

How to Build Credit During or After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
It’s extremely important to build credit for yourself if you are going through a divorce. That way, after your divorce, you will be able to do things like buy a car or rent an apartment. Ideally, you should be building credit your entire life. But if you haven’t already, it’s not too late to start. To establish credit, the easiest way is to open a credit card. Then you’ll need to practice healthy spending habits as well as borrowing habits. Having your own credit is necessary for having financial independence after your divorce.

How to Build Credit During or After Divorce: Financial Health

When to Build Credit

Ideally, you should build credit throughout your entire life. Parents often start building credit with their teenagers by opening a credit card in their name in high school. This is a good way to teach financial responsibility. However, if you do not have credit in your own name, you’ll need to build credit soon. It’s best to go ahead and establish a credit card before your divorce is final. This way, once it is over, you’ll be able to rent a new apartment or house or make big purchases on your own.

How to Establish Credit

The easiest way to build credit is to open a credit card in your own name. You can do this at any bank or online. This will establish a credit history for you. It can be difficult to open a credit card if you do not have any credit history whatsoever. So you might need to start with having a cosigner or getting a secured credit card. This is a card that is backed by a financial deposit that you make upfront.

Healthy Spending Habits

It’s important to establish healthy spending habits in order to build credit. Learn how to budget for things in advance. It’s also important to learn self-control so that you can stick to your budget. Keep track of your spending by reviewing your statements frequently. This will ensure that you don’t become a victim of identity theft. And remember to put a portion of every paycheck into your savings account before spending any of it.

Healthy Borrowing Habits

It’s also important to establish healthy borrowing habits when trying to build credit. Never borrow the full amount that you are able to. In fact, it’s best to only borrow a very small amount and have a plan in advance for how you’ll pay it off. At the end of each month, pay off your credit card balance in full. It’s a common misconception that you should leave a small balance from month to month. The truth is that your credit score will be higher if you pay off the full amount monthly. After a divorce, you’ll need to have a healthy credit history that is all your own. That way, you’ll be able to start your new life, including renting a new place or affording your own vehicle. It’s important to build credit early so that you have a long-established credit history. Do this by opening a credit card, co-signing a card, or getting a secured card. Establish healthy spending habits so that you stay within your budget. And finally, establish healthy borrowing habits and pay off your credit card balance every month. Having a solid credit history will give you the financial independence you need to start your new post-divorce life right on the right foot.

Practicing Self-Care After Your Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

If you’ve gone through a divorce, you may feel like you’ve been through the wringer. Divorce can be incredibly painful and the stress of it is often compared to the stress of losing a loved one. Self-care after your divorce is so important for your mental health. You deserve to focus on yourself for a little while and heal. Do this by giving yourself time to grieve. Get back to your hobbies and interests. Reconnect with friends since you’ve most likely been very busy. And finally, accept help when it’s offered. You’ve been through so much, giving yourself some self-care is necessary for your mental well-being.

Practicing Self-Care After Your Divorce: Taking Time for Yourself

Give Yourself Time to Grieve

Self-care after your divorce starts with giving yourself time and space to experience emotions. You might have been feeling pressure to stay strong. You’ve also probably been very busy lately. You might not have had time really accept your new life. Take time to grieve the loss of your marriage and also the vision you had of your future. It’s okay to swing from emotion to emotion. Now that your divorce is final, you can take the time to feel all the emotions you’ve been too busy to really experience.

Get Back to Your Passions

Another way to practice self-care after your divorce is to get back to your passions. Maybe you had hobbies that you’ve been too stressed or busy to focus on lately. If so, take some time to get back into those. You can also try out a new hobby by taking a class. A bonus of this is that you also could meet new people by doing this. A new hobby can take your mind off of thinking about your divorce.

Reconnect with Friends

Self-care after your divorce should include reconnecting with friends. Sometimes people are hesitant to get together with friends while they go through the divorce process. This is because they don’t really want to discuss the divorce or are afraid of giving away information to a mutual friend. In addition, if you’ve been in a controlling relationship, your partner might not have even let you spend a lot of time with others. If you’ve fallen out of touch with friends for any of these reasons, now is the time to reconnect. Getting out of the house and socializing will help you take your mind off of your divorce.

Accept Help

Finally, self-care after your divorce can include accepting help when it’s offered. Maybe a friend or family member is willing to watch your kids give you a night off. Take them up on the offer! You may even find that a therapist is very helpful in helping your deal with any leftover stress. Many people find it difficult to accept help from others. But you’ve been through enough stress, and you deserve to accept some help.

Self-care after your divorce is so important for your mental well-being. You’ve been through so much stress and deserve to have some time to take care of yourself. Give yourself time and space to experience the range of emotions that come with such a big life change. Get back to your old hobbies or find a new interest to focus on. Reconnect with old friends to help get your mind off of the divorce. And finally, accept help when it’s offered to you. Your friends and family just want what’s best for you. You’ve been through a major life change, and giving yourself a little self-love is important for your mental health.

What to Include in a Prenup Agreement?

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Many people might have strong feelings about a prenup agreement. Some believe it’s a great way to protect yourself before marriage and others find it un-romantic. If you do decide to move forward with a prenup you should make sure and define your personal vs marital assets. In addition, you should also define personal and marital debts. You can also choose to make provisions for children from an earlier marriage. And finally, you might choose to include a sunset provision that nullifies the prenup after a certain amount of years of marriage. If you do choose to ask for a prenup, make sure and speak with a knowledgeable attorney to make sure you are protecting yourself and your children.

What to include in a Prenup Agreement? How to Best Protect Yourself

Personal vs Marital Assets

One of the main reasons that people decide to get a prenup agreement is to define personal assets vs marital assets. If one partner is coming into a marriage with more wealth or assets, they may want to keep them separate. This would be different than money that you acquire during your marriage. This can also apply to things like family heirlooms. This is a way to ensure that specific items or money stay with you if the marriage ends.

Personal vs Marital Debts

Similar to personal and marital assets, many choose to get a prenup agreement to protect themselves from debt. If your partner is bringing a lot of debt into the marriage and you don’t want to risk being stuck with it during a divorce, you can specify this in a prenup. You would split any debts that you incurred together during the marriage equally if you divorce.

Dependents from Previous Marriage

Another important thing to include in a prenup agreement is provisions for any children from a previous marriage. This is a way for you to set aside money or property that they will inherit if you get a divorce. It keeps these from being able to be split during a divorce. If there are specific heirlooms that you want them to have you can include them in a prenup.

Sunset Provision

Finally, one uncommon clause that some people choose to include in a prenup agreement is a sunset provision. Many people think that spelling out the terms of your divorce is very unromantic when planning a wedding. However, with a sunset provision, the prenup would be null after a certain amount of years of marriage. This can be a way to put a partner at ease if they are hesitant about a prenup for emotional reasons. It shows that if your marriage stands the test of time, the prenup doesn’t need to be worried about anymore.

A prenup agreement can be a really good way to protect yourself financially in the event of a divorce. It can also protect any children you have from an earlier marriage. Make sure to include any personal wealth or property that you want to keep separate from joint assets. In addition, you can protect yourself from inheriting your partner’s debt through a prenup. You can also provide for your existing children by specifying what they would still inherit if you divorce. And finally, you can choose to include a sunset provision to end the prenup after a period of time. While it can be a polarizing thing to bring up before marriage, a prenup agreement can really be a good way to protect yourself financially.

Survival Tips for Divorce: Dealing with the Stress

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Divorce is hard. In fact, some people think it’s as stressful as the death of a loved one. Because in a way, you are losing something very valuable. However, some quick survival tips for divorce can help you deal with the stress and cope with the hurt of the divorce process. First of all, lean on family and friends. They’ll be your biggest advocates and help you through this difficult time. Ask professionals to get involved, like an attorney and a therapist. Practice self-care to keep yourself sane. And finally, try to focus on the positives instead of the negatives. You’ll be getting a fresh start and can hopefully find a new partner someday that is better suited for you.

Survival Tips for Divorce: Dealing with the Stress and Coping with the Hurt

Lean on Friends

One of the most important survival tips for divorce is to lean on family and friends. Divorce is one of the most difficult things you can go through. You’ll need to surround yourself with people who love you to help you deal with the stress. Try to get comfortable asking for help. Your friends and family genuinely want to help you, so lean on them when you’re overwhelmed. Let them cook you food or take your children off your hands for a night. Try to let them shoulder some of the emotional stress you’re feeling.

Ask the Professionals

Another important survival tip for divorce is to get professionals involved. You’ll want an experienced and knowledgeable attorney by your side every step of the way. They’ll be your advocate and protect your interests in court. In addition, you may find that speaking with a therapist is helpful. While friends and family can be very supportive, sometimes a trained professional can be even more helpful.

Practice Self-Care

Practicing self-care is one of the survival tips for divorce that gets neglected the most. Divorce is a long and stressful process. If you don’t take time to take care of yourself, you’ll burn out. Try to take breaks here and there when you can and pamper yourself a little. Maybe that means taking yourself out for a meal. Or renting a movie and eating all the snacks you want. You might even try a massage or a long bubble bath. Whatever self-care looks like to you, make time for it to keep yourself sane.

Look at the Fresh Start

Finally, one last one of the survival tips for divorce is to try and look on the bright side of things. Rather than focusing on the negatives or the hurt feelings, try to find the positives. A divorce is long and grueling. But ultimately it means the end of a relationship that wasn’t working for you. So divorce means you’re getting a fresh start. Try to let go of any bitterness and focus on how you want your future to look.

Divorce is incredibly difficult, but these survival tips for divorce can hopefully help you manage. Lean on your friends and family as much as you can because they honestly probably want to help you. In addition, call in the big guns and hire professionals to help you. An attorney and a therapist can make the entire process much more manageable. Make time for self-care so that you can start fresh and energized. And finally, try to focus on the fresh start you’re getting after your divorce, instead of the hurt. Try to think about what you’d like your future to look like. Before you know it, you’ll be finalizing your divorce and moving on to more healthy relationships.

Is it Time for a Divorce? When to Call it Quits

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Wondering when it is time for a divorce might be stressing you out if you and your partner are having relationship troubles. It depends on your unique situation, but below are some things to consider if you’ve been considering divorce. If you and your partner have different visions for your future that can’t be changed, you may not be able to make your marriage work. In addition, if you’ve lost respect for one another, support, or intimacy it may be time. Counseling can be helpful for many couples who are considering divorce, so if you’ve tried it without success, maybe now is the time. And finally, if you’re both on the same page that you want a divorce, then it’s definitely time. Divorce can be stressful, but it’s better to figure that out now than continue to drag out a marriage that isn’t working.

Is it Time for a Divorce: When to Call it Quits on a Marriage

You Have Different Visions for Your Future

It might be time for a divorce if you and your partner have completely different visions of your future. Especially if neither of you is willing to change your mind. Compromise is a huge factor in a successful marriage. However, there may be things that you simply can’t come to an agreement on. For example, whether or not to have children. If you aren’t on the same page with where you want your lives to go, you might not be able to make the marriage work. Even if you want to.

You’ve Lost Respect, Support, and Intimacy

Another way to tell if it’s time for a divorce is if you’ve lost respect, support, and intimacy. A relationship is only successful if you and your spouse respect one another. You need to be each other’s biggest supporter to get through the tough times. Intimacy is also important in a relationship. Not just sexual intimacy but friendship and love as well. If your relationship is lacking these things, it might be time to consider separating.

You’ve Tried Counseling

Marriage counseling is very helpful for many couples. It can be one of the best ways to avoid divorce if you and your spouse are having relationship troubles. However, if you’ve tried counseling and it hasn’t worked, you might turn to divorce. A professional counselor or therapist might be able to help you work through problems in your marriage. However, if they’ve been unsuccessful it could mean that you two are simply not going to be able to work things out. If that’s the case then it might be time for a divorce.

You’re On the Same Page

Finally, you’ll definitely know it’s time for a divorce if you and your spouse are on the same page about wanting one. Some couples mutually decide that divorce is the right path for them. In these situations, divorce can be a bit smoother. However, sometimes one partner is very reluctant to go down this path. It’s important to really talk honestly with your partner about how you’re feeling. If they’re feeling the same way and you both feel that you’ve done everything you can, it might be time to end your marriage.

It’s hard to know when to give up on your marriage, but unfortunately, some just do not work out. If you and your partner have very different views of your future lives, you may not be able to reconcile. In addition, if you’ve lost respect, support, and intimacy it might be a red flag. Marriage counseling can be helpful, but if you’ve tried it unsuccessfully then you might be ready for a divorce. And finally, if you and your spouse both agree that you want the divorce, then it’s definitely time to hire a divorce attorney and get started. Deciding when it’s time for a divorce can be scary and sad. However, it’s much better to get on the same page and move forward with a divorce than to stay in an unhappy marriage.

Missing Your Children Because of Split Custody

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

If you have recently gone through a divorce, you might be missing your children because of split custody. Suddenly going from having your children with you all the time to having to take turns with their other parent can be incredibly hard. Remember that you will eventually adjust to the new normal of your schedule. However, in the short term, try to use modern technology to your advantage. Talk to a friend or therapist if you need a sympathetic ear. Find a hobby to fill your time, and plan to focus on yourself for a little while. It can be difficult to spend time away from your children, but you’ll adjust to your custody arrangement in time. Just remember that you and your ex have made the decision that ultimately is the best for your children.

Missing Your Children Because of Split Custody: A New Normal

Use Technology to Your Advantage

Modern technology can be a huge help if you’re missing your children because of split custody. There are tons of apps out there that will allow you to keep up with them even when you’re apart. You can try to schedule times to call them or video chat each night. Make sure that you extend the same courtesy to your ex when they are missing the kids too. If your children are young, it might be harder for them when they see or hear you on the phone. But you and your ex can still exchange pictures or short videos of your children when you’re apart.

Talk to a Friend

If you feel like you need to talk to somebody about missing your children because of split custody, find a friend or therapist that can lend an ear. You might want to speak to a friend who has gone through something similar. They can give you support and offer comfort when you are feeling sad. A therapist can help you find coping strategies for when you’re missing them. Sometimes, another person can put things in perspective and help you remember that it’ll soon be your turn to have the children.

Find a Hobby

The hardest thing about missing your children because of split custody is dealing with boredom. Your life used to be filled with being focused on your kids every minute of the day. Suddenly, you have time to yourself where they don’t need you. Boredom can make you feel even sadder because you might be lonely. Plan in advance for the time that you won’t have them. Plan out a schedule so that you have a structure for your day. Now is a great time to find a new hobby. Focusing your time on a new passion can help take your mind off of missing your kids.

Focus on Yourself

Finally, one other way to feel better if you are missing your children because of split custody is to focus on yourself for a little while. Find something that makes you happy, which will give you something to look forward to when you are away from them. For example, buy a new book or movie that you can put away until you have a weekend without your kids. Or plan to have dinner with a friend without the stress of finding a babysitter. You’ll have a distraction ready to go for when you inevitably feel sad about missing them. Though you miss them, try to take advantage of the time away to focus on yourself for a little while.

Missing your children because of split custody is a hard thing to adjust to. Just remember that you will eventually get used to your new arrangement, and the time away will be easier to handle. Use modern apps and phone calls to stay in touch when you need to talk to them. Find a friend to talk to when you’re feeling sad. Focus on a new hobby to distract yourself, and take some “me” time. Finally, if you are having a hard time adjusting, talk to a therapist. Hopefully, you will be able to remember that your separation was the best thing for your family. Though you miss them when they’re away, you will hopefully adjust soon to your new custody arrangement.

How-to: Find Your Post-Divorce Identity

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

It isn’t all that uncommon to feel lost during and after your divorce. Considering how much of your life has changed, those feelings are to be expected. However, it’s important to start focusing on your post-divorce identity. Doing so will help you move forwards and begin to feel at peace once again…

 How-to: Find Your Post-Divorce Identity: Accept Change

Loss of identity

The reason it can be hard to find your post-divorce identity is because of how much has changed in your life. Of course, there’s the divorce itself to consider. Your marriage probably played a big role in defining who you were. Suddenly losing that part of your identity is going to leave you feeling confused as to what you should do next.

There’s also the fact that you may struggle with being single too. It could be that since it’s been so long since you were single, you don’t know what that kind of life is like. Even things you think you should enjoy can feel odd now that you’re divorced.

Processing change

A large part of finding your post-divorce identity comes down to processing these new changes. This won’t be something that can be done overnight. However, by slowly understanding and accepting these changes, you can begin to feel more confident about yourself and your new life.

In fact, one of the best things to do is to start making changes yourself. That way, you can start to feel like you’re back in control of what’s going on. Some good changes to make can including exercising, eating healthier, and spend more time with friends and family.

Enjoy being in control

Remember that after your divorce, you’re now in total control of your life. You no longer need to worry about what your spouse does or doesn’t want you to do. This gives you a lot of freedom to truly begin creating your post-divorce identity. In particular, you can now do all the things you never felt like you could while married.

Having this new freedom means there’s a whole lot of new opportunities for you to explore. You can try new hobbies, travel to new places, and meet new people. As you do this, you’ll quickly find ways to not only enjoy this new life but also really thrive in it as well.