Recovering Financially After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Recovering financially after divorce can be a lengthy process. Divorce is very expensive and can leave you in a very different financial situation than before you started. So it’s important to take stock once the dust settles and see where you are with your finances. Figure out your credit score, and work on rebuilding credit if it’s low. Create a budget and try to stick to it as much as possible. And remember to focus on your savings account so that you are prepared for emergencies and unexpected expenses. It can be helpful to get help from a financial advisor to create a realistic budget. Hopefully, you can begin building up your credit and putting away money for savings.

Recovering Financially After Divorce: Moving On without Going into Debt

Take Stock

After you’ve given yourself a little time to heal, it’s important to take stock of where you are once the divorce is final. Your living situation might have changed as well as your expenses and income. Therefore, it’s helpful to create a list of all of your assets, debts, income, and savings. Figuring out what’s coming in versus going out can help you with recovering financially after divorce.

Find Your Credit Score

Another important aspect of recovering financially after divorce is to figure out your credit score. Your score might change now that you and your ex have separate accounts. And your credit score is very important when you need to make decisions about housing or vehicles. Check your score, and if it’s low, look into ways to bring it up. Make sure to always pay bills on time and pay them in full.

Create a Budget

Now that you are living on your own, you need to create a budget for yourself. This might look very different than the budget that you and your ex shared. It can be helpful when recovering financially after divorce to put yourself on a limited budget to build up your savings. Try to cut back on unnecessary spending like eating out or purchases. At least for a little while until you can get more stable.

Focus on Savings

Finally, when recovering financially after divorce, focus on your savings. It’s important to have healthy savings account so that you are prepared for emergencies. Or for unexpected expenses like medical bills, car maintenance, or house repairs. It’s just you now, so you need to have a safety net for yourself. Focus on an emergency fund first, then move on to saving for things like vacations. Recovering financially after divorce can be a stressful process, and might be an eye-opener if you’ve never lived on your own. It can be scary to go from two incomes to one or to lose the support of a spouse’s income. However, you will find your way soon enough. Take stock of all of your spending and savings once the dust has settled from your divorce. Figure out your credit score and start working on building it up if it’s a little low. Create a budget and try to stick to it as closely as you can. This way, you’ll be able to build up your savings so that you’re prepared for emergencies. Hopefully, you will figure out your finances and become stable quickly as you build your savings up.

Where to Meet People After a Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
If you’ve just gone through a divorce, the idea of getting back into the dating game might have you feeling completely overwhelmed. The idea of going on a date is hard to imagine, but some people don’t even know where to start. If you’re wondering where to meet people after a divorce, try starting with a dating website. You can also ask a friend to set you up. Try looking for local meetup groups to meet other people more casually. And finally, don’t forget to hang out with other single friends because being a group can take the pressure off and bring other singles around. Hopefully, you can get back into the dating game and be well on your way to meeting somebody special.

Where to Meet People After a Divorce: Get Back in the Game

Dating Websites

The first place to start to meet people after a divorce is online. There are tons of dating websites nowadays. You can find sites based on your age, your hobbies, your religion, and more. There are even sites dedicated just to divorcees. You can choose to be upfront about your divorce right there in your profile. Or you can choose to wait until you’ve gone on a date or two to reveal your divorcee status to a new partner. It completely depends on your comfort level.

Ask A Friend

Don’t forget to ask your friends to help you meet people after a divorce. They may not be single, but they could know singles in your area that might be a good match. A bonus of this approach is that you already know that they’re approved by your friends. No need to worry about a stranger being dangerous. In addition, your friends know your personality and might be able to pair you up with somebody that would be a great match for you.

Meetup Group

There are plenty of local meetup groups you can try out if you are trying to meet people after a divorce. Whether you’re looking for a new date or just looking for a new group of friends to hang out with, meetup groups are great. You can find meetup groups to do just about any hobby or activity. Some sports meetups play things like kickball, softball, and volleyball. You can also find hobby groups for artists, hiking, or yoga. This is a great low-pressure way to meet new people. The idea isn’t to find romantic partners, but you never know when you might click with somebody.

Find Other Singles

Sometimes you can meet others more easily when you hang out in a group. Going out with your single friends might be a great way to meet people after a divorce. Single groups attract other single groups. And being in a group setting can take the pressure off of the first meeting with somebody. In addition, your friends can meet your new date at the same time.

Finding a way to meet people after a divorce can be overwhelming. Starting with an online website can be the easiest way to dip your toes back into the dating pool. You can also ask your friends and family if they know of any potential partners. Local meetup groups can help you meet tons of people in your area. And finally, sometimes hanging out with other single friends can help you casually meet other potential partners. The hardest thing about getting back into the dating world is just finding the confidence to start. But knowing where to meet new people can help take some of the pressure off and let you get started. Get back out there and find somebody who can be your new special someone!

Can My Marriage Survive Infidelity?

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

If you’ve been cheated on, you might be wondering if your marriage can survive infidelity. The bigger question to ask though is if you want that or not. Some couples decide mutually that they want to make the marriage work, while others decide on divorce. Take some time to figure out what your goal is. Talk it over with your spouse and see if they are on the same page. Seek the advice of a marriage counselor to help you resolve issues and move past the trauma. And finally, if you both want to get past it, put in the work. Marriage is hard work, so it takes some effort to make it successful. Only you and your partner can decide if you can move past infidelity.

Can My Marriage Survive Infidelity? How to Move Forward

Decide What You Want

After infidelity, you need to take some time to decide what you want out of your marriage. Some couples decide that they cannot get over these issues, and wind up getting a divorce. If you are determined to make it work though, think through what your goals are for the marriage. For example, think about whether you will be able to move past the cheating. Will you be able to trust again?

Talk It Over

Once you decide what you’d like to do after infidelity, talk things over with your spouse. Try to sit down for a calm conversation to get their views. It’s important to get to the bottom of the reasons for the cheating in the first place. If they do want to work it out and move forward, how will they deal with future hardships? If they do not want to move forward with the marriage, try to respect their decision. Keep in mind that being in a marriage where you put in all the effort and get none in return isn’t fair to you.

Seek Support

No matter which way you and your spouse decide to go after infidelity, a marriage counselor can help. For example, they can give you great ideas on how to improve communication. In addition, they can help you work together to achieve goals or to even decide what those goals should be. It’s best to see a counselor both as a couple, but also individually.

Put In the Work

Finally, if you are determined to move forward and work things out after infidelity, you need to put in the work. You and your partner won’t be able to magically forget about what happened. Instead, you’ll need to check in with one another constantly and keep up with counseling for a while. You and your partner will hopefully be able to get closer after this and strengthen your marriage even more.

Only you and your spouse can tell if you’ll be able to survive infidelity. A lot might depend on the reason for it in the first place. It also might depend on your family circumstances, whether you have children and your finances. All of these factors should play a role, but ultimately you need to decide if you feel like you can move on. Then you need to make sure that you and your partner are on the same page. If you both want to work things out, seek the advice of a marriage counselor. They will likely give you suggestions on how to strengthen your communication, which you’ll need to put into practice every day. You and your partner both need to re-commit to the marriage together. Hopefully, if you both decide you want to move forward, you can become even stronger in the long run.

Admitting Infidelity: How to Start the Conversation

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Admitting infidelity might be one of the hardest conversations you’ll ever have. And unfortunately, it could end your relationship. However, continuing in a marriage where you are lying to your spouse is equally as hard. If you are wanting to open up about cheating on your partner, make sure to pick the right time and place. Give the entire truth, not just portions of it. You don’t want to have to go back later and tell more. Apologize to your spouse and be sincere and show that you understand how much you’ve hurt them. Finally, give them space after you talk with them. They may react in a lot of ways, but try to remain calm and give them time to experience their emotions. Hopefully, you can move past the infidelity and improve your marriage.

Admitting Infidelity: How to Start the Conversation with Your Spouse

Pick the Right Setting

Admitting infidelity is a delicate conversation to have. You want to make sure that you pick the best time and place for it. Don’t try to talk about this in a public space, but rather, pick someplace private where you won’t be overheard. In addition, pick a time when you have plenty of time available and won’t need to rush. Try to make sure that there won’t be distractions or interruptions.

Give the Whole Truth

Admitting infidelity is bad enough the first time, you don’t want to have to come back and have another conversation about it later. If you cheated more than once, come clean about it. Don’t let your partner think it was a one-time thing and then have them find out more details later. This will only make them trust you even less. If they ask questions, be truthful with your answers. Only go into as much detail as they ask for.

Apologize

When admitting infidelity, you probably feel terrible about what happened. Be honest about that too, and show your partner how sorry you are. Try to proactively think of ways to help the situation later if they are willing to continue the relationship. You might reach out to a marriage counselor or come up with some ideas on how to re-strengthen your marriage.

Give Them Space

Finally, give your partner plenty of space after admitting infidelity. They might be feeling a lot of emotions all at once and not know exactly how to react. For example, they might feel embarrassed, hurt, angry, or sad. They might react explosively at the moment. Try to remain calm and not get defensive. Give them plenty of space to feel their emotions. They’ll likely need some time to think things through. Give them that space to figure out if they want to move forward with the relationship and how. Admitting infidelity is an awkward and painful conversation for both partners. Try to make the conversation as pain-free as possible by setting yourself up on the right foot. Pick a time and place where you will have plenty of private and uninterrupted time together. Be honest with your partner and give them the whole truth. Don’t leave out details just because they are hard to admit. Your partner will eventually find them out and you will look even more dishonest in the long run. Apologize and show your spouse how much you realize you’ve hurt them. Try to brainstorm ways to improve your marriage if they are willing to move forward. And finally, give them plenty of space to work through their emotions and try to remain calm. Some couples can get through infidelity while others are not. However, you will feel much better getting the truth out.

Guardian Ad Litem: What Does it Mean?

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
The Guardian Ad Litem program varies from state to state. However, the Guardian ad litem, or GAD, is a person who is appointed by the court that represents the interests of a child. GADs can be legal representatives or laypeople, depending on the situation. However, regardless of their status, their job is to advocate for the best interests of a child. This might be in custody hearings, abuse cases, or divorce trials. They often speak with the child and conduct interviews with family and do home visits. They are an investigator for the court. This is an important program that benefits many children. In some states, this is a volunteer position. If you care deeply about children and have time to devote to training, consider becoming a guardian ad litem for the court.

Guardian Ad Litem: What Does it Mean and What Do They Do?

What Is a Guardian Ad Litem?

Guardian ad litem in Latin means “guardian for the suit.” A GAD is often court-appointed and serves as an investigator on behalf of children. They are the child’s advocate in court and will do whatever they can to make sure that the child ends up in the healthiest situation possible. In some states GAD’s are attorneys. But in others, this is a volunteer position that laypeople apply for.

Who Needs One?

A guardian ad litem can be involved in any type of case where children need advocates. For example, custody hearings, adoption hearings, abuse or neglect cases. In addition, they might help with hearings involving parental rights, visitation, or emancipation of minors. These types of hearings can be very high-stress and emotional. The needs of the child sometimes get lost in the shuffle. Therefore, a GAD is there to make sure somebody is advocating for the best interests of the child.

What Do They Do?

The guardian ad litem is an investigator for the court. Therefore, they do a lot of background research for the children they advocate for. This often involves lengthy interviews with the child. In addition, they might have interviews with the parents or extended family members, friends of the family, or neighbors. Some do surprise home visits to observe the child in everyday life. After they compile all of this information, they’ll present to the court what they think is the best solution for the child in the case.

Qualifications

The qualifications to become a GAD vary state by state. In some states, laypeople, or non-attorneys can volunteer to become GADs. However, you often have to be at least 25 years or older and must complete training. For example, in South Carolina, a GAD must have a high school diploma and complete nine hours of training. In addition, they’ll also have refresher courses annually. Many times, they also must attend a few custody hearings before they become a GAD to get an idea of what they look like.

A guardian ad litem is the representative of the interests of a child in any type of hearing where a judge feels it will be helpful to have an advocate. Many times, cases involving children are high-stress and emotional. A GAD is there to make sure that somebody has the child’s best interests at heart. They can work with adoption cases, custody hearings, abuse cases, and many other types of trials. They act as an investigator for the court by conducting interviews advocating for what they believe to be the healthiest solution for the child in court. A GAD is an important role in the legal system. If you want to become a guardian ad litem, you’ll likely need to complete training. However, it will be well worth the effort to know that you are making a difference in the life of a child.

Handling the Holidays with a Foster Child

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Handling the holidays with a foster child can feel like a lot to handle, especially if it’s your first year with them. The holidays are overwhelming for everybody, and they can be an especially emotional time. This is no different for foster children. Prepare them upfront about what your traditions are. Introduce your family and friends to them slowly, and preferably ahead of time. Be available to talk if they are feeling emotional. And finally, try to make space for their own beliefs and traditions, even if they’re different from yours. Hopefully, you can make this holiday season magical for your foster child and give them a wonderful memory to hold onto forever.

Handling the Holidays with a Foster Child: How to Make it Magical

Prepare Them Up Front

The holidays with a foster child are much easier if you prepare them upfront. Things can feel very overwhelming for anybody at Christmas, but especially a young child. Everybody is stressed out, schedules are off, and everybody is running around trying to do so many things. Let your foster child know in advance what types of traditions you follow and how you’d like to include them.

Introduce Family Slowly

When handling the holidays with a foster child, introduce family slowly. It might feel very overwhelming to attend a huge holiday event with a lot of extended family members if they haven’t met anybody. See if you can have a few people over in smaller groups ahead of the celebrations. That way, your child will recognize them and will feel less anxious.

Be Available to Talk

Another thing that’s important when handling the holidays with a foster child is to be available to talk. They might be feeling a lot of emotions over the holidays. They might experience a whole range of emotions including anxiety, sadness, and excitement. Give them some space if they seem like they want privacy, but let them know that you are there if they want to talk.

Accommodate Their Beliefs

Finally, when handling the holidays with a foster child, try to accommodate their beliefs. They might have special traditions that they remember from holidays past with their biological family or other foster families. Incorporating this into your holiday routine will show them how important they are to you. Handling the holidays with a foster child can be an exciting but also stressful situation. Everybody is rushing around and busy over the holidays, so it’s easy to get overwhelmed and forget to take a pause. However, it’s important to keep an eye on your child and make sure that they are handling things ok. Prepare them upfront and let them know what to expect over the holidays. If you are getting together with a lot of extended family members, see if you can introduce them slowly ahead of time. Be available to talk if they need some extra support. And give them space if they seem like they need it. And finally, try to accommodate their beliefs and personal traditions. This will help them feel included and can ease anxiety and sadness. Hopefully, you can make this time of year magical for your foster child!

Supporting a Friend Through A Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Supporting a friend through a divorce is one of the kindest things you can do to help them. This is likely one of the most stressful things they will go through. It helps to have a friend by your side the whole way. Be a good listener and do more listening and less talking. Your friend might need a shoulder to cry on. They might also need somebody to vent their frustration to, but try not to engage in trash talk. In addition, help them with the day-to-day necessities. Sometimes, just picking up groceries, taking the dog for a walk, or babysitting is the best help you can give. And finally, include them in your plans. They likely will be feeling lonely sometimes, so it’s nice to invite them out. They’ll be very glad to have such a good friend by their side.

Supporting a Friend Through A Divorce: How to Be Helpful

Be a Good Listener

Supporting a friend through a divorce is often a lot about listening. Try to do more listening without chiming in too much. Talking out loud is a great way for them to sort through their feelings about the divorce. Try to let them experience a wide range of emotions without judging or trying to change their mind.

Don’t Engage in Trash Talk

Another thing you can do when supporting a friend through a divorce is to avoid engaging in trash talking. They might feel the need to vent their frustrations to you. They might have a lot of bitterness, resentment, and anger. They might even cycle frequently between anger and sadness, or any other spectrum of feelings. While it’s fine to listen to what they say about their ex, try not to engage.

Help With the Day to Day

Supporting a friend through divorce often means helping them with day-to-day activities. They are suddenly handling everything on their own and their schedule is likely very different. They might need you to help them with the logistical side of things. For example, you could take their dog for a walk, or do some dishes while you’re there. Or do a quick clean-up, help them organize bills, or cook a meal. And of course, if they are now parenting solo, childcare is a great help.

Include Them

Finally, when supporting a friend through a divorce, it’s nice to include them in your plans. They will be facing holidays that look very different than they used to. For example, they might be splitting custody with their ex. In this case, they might be missing their children during the holidays. Try to remember to include them in your plans. Invite them to dinner, over for a movie night, or just reach out for a coffee. While it might seem awkward to invite somebody to your Christmas dinner or an anniversary celebration, it can be very helpful for them. Supporting a friend through a divorce is one of the most helpful things you can do. It’s hard watching a friend go through the stress of divorce. However, knowing they have you there by their side will be a great help. Try to be a good listener when they need to vent their frustration. However, avoid engaging in trash talk. It never does anybody good, and it could come back to bite you. Help them with day-to-day tasks that they might get overwhelmed by. You can do small things around the house to help, or take on some childcare. And finally, include them in your plans so that they aren’t lonely. Your company will be a great distraction for them. Hopefully, it will be an easy transition for them. But it will be much easier with you helping them through it.

How-to Help Kids Understand Divorce: Difficult

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Every child is going to react differently when learning that their parents are getting a divorce. Of course, the age that a child is at will determine their understanding of what is going on. In some families, the children may be very aware of what is going on. In other instances, the parents may hide all of their disagreements from their kids. While every situation will be different, there are a few tips that can help kids understand divorce.

How-to Help Kids Understand Divorce: Preparing for the Talk

Planning For It

The best way to help kids understand divorce is to talk about it. Part of how a child will react will be based on how the parents tell their children that they are getting a divorce. Parents should put thought and consideration into how, when, and where they break the news to their children. It may be helpful to have the entire family meet together as a family so that the parents can answer the children’s questions. In this type of setting, there will be less opportunity for parents to blame the other for the divorce. Make sure to plan a family meeting to have this big conversation. Go ahead and think through and plan out what is going to be said at this meeting. Parents should do their best to stay calm during this conversation. It will be best to plan to have a follow-up meeting to answer any further questions and address concerns.

Things to Say

Children often find divorce hard to understand. To help kids understand divorce, keep the initial conversation to the basics. Otherwise, it could get very overwhelming and confusing. The most important thing is for kids to know that their basic needs are still going to be met. They will also want reassurance that they will be able to continue a relationship with both parents if that is possible. Kids may not understand that a divorce is final, so that is something parents need to discuss so that kids do not have false hopes. It is easy for children to think that it is their fault that their parents are getting a divorce. Parents need to reassure kids that this is not their fault.

Listen

To help kids understand divorce, it is important to listen to their questions and concerns. Children will have worries about how their life will change, and parents need to be mindful of that. By listening to kids’ concerns and questions will show that the parents care. Parents should not be alarmed if they have to answer questions and give reassurance many times during this process. Also, parents should ask children about their fears and concerns, so that the parents show the kids that they care. It also shows kids that it is okay to be open about those feelings. Telling kids about divorce is never easy. There are ways to help kids understand divorce. Once they understand it, it will help the transition process to hopefully be a bit smoother.

Ease Your Child’s Anxiety About Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Your child’s anxiety about divorce might make you feel guilty, but remember that you’re making the best decision for them in the end. They should grow up with functional co-parents than constantly fighting married parents. Know some common ways that children show anxiety and be on the lookout. Remember that calendar, repetition, and routine are your friends. Talk it out with your children and be a sounding board for them when they have questions. And finally, reassure them constantly and give them time to adjust. This is a new lifestyle for them too, so it can take some getting used to. Kids are resilient though and typically adjust to new changes fairly quickly.

Ease Your Child’s Anxiety About Divorce: Help Through the Difficult Time

Signs of Anxiety

If you want to ease your child’s anxiety about divorce, it’s important to be able to recognize it first. Children show anxiety in many different ways and a lot depends on their age and personality. However, some classic signs of anxiety would be an increase in moodiness or if they get upset easily. Some children show more aggressive behavior than usual. And others regress with things like potty training or sleep. If you see any of these signs, it might indicate that your child is feeling some stress over the divorce.

Routine

Children thrive on routines. Your child’s anxiety about divorce likely stems from the change to their schedule and lifestyle. If you and your ex can keep your routines consistent no matter which house the children are in, it will help your kids. Try to keep their wake-up times, bedtimes, mealtimes, and activities the same throughout the divorce process and afterward. Having a routine that they can count on gives children a sense of confidence and security.

Talk it Out

Another important thing to help ease your child’s anxiety about divorce is to talk it out with them. Make sure that you are always open and honest with them if they have questions about the divorce. Some children want to talk and some get quiet. However, they must know they can come to you with any questions or problems.

Reassure Them

Finally, your child’s anxiety about divorce might stem from a feeling of guilt. Many children begin to think that a divorce is their fault even if there’s no reason to think this. Constantly reassure them that the divorce had nothing to do with them. Also, make sure to reassure them all the time about how much they are loved. Even older children need to hear this more often when they are going through a stressful time. Your child’s anxiety about divorce is perfectly normal and expected. Almost all children react in some way to the stress of their parents splitting up. However, children typically bounce back very quickly and get used to a new routine. Be on the lookout for classic signs of anxiety-like moodiness or regressions. Keep their routine as similar as possible so that they can depend on their schedule. Make sure that your children know they can always talk to you about the divorce. And finally, reassure them constantly about how much you love them and that the divorce is not their fault. And remember, you are making the best decision for them in the long run because you will hopefully be happier post-divorce, which is the best thing for kids to see.

Adoption Home Study Tips and Advice

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
The adoption home study is an important step of the adoption process. A home study occurs when a representative from your adoption agency comes to your house. They’ll see if you can provide a safe and loving environment for a child. The most important thing to remember is to relax and just be yourself. Prepare legal documents ahead of time so that everything is ready to go. Prepare your home for the home study by cleaning, baby proofing, and acquiring some child essentials. And finally, prepare yourself mentally for the home study. Hopefully, your home study will go great and you’ll be well on your way to adopting your future child.

Adoption Home Study Tips and Advice to Get Through the Process

Relax

The most important thing to remember before the adoption home study is to relax. The agent is not there to try to find faults with you. They don’t want to ding you out of the program at all. The adoption agent wants to help you prepare for your child in any way possible. Don’t work yourself up into a frenzy, just try to relax and answer their questions honestly.

Prepare Documents

Another good idea before the adoption home study is to prepare your legal documents. You’ll likely need to show all kinds of legal documents throughout your adoption, so it’s best to keep them all together. Have your birth certificates, marriage license, working pay stubs, financial documents, and employer letters handy. This way you won’t need to waste time looking for them.

Prepare Your Home

It’s also, of course, important to prepare your home for your adoption home study. This isn’t about cleaning everything. While your home should be tidy, that’s not really what the agency is looking for. They’re more interested to see what sort of space you have for your potential child, how you plan to childproof, and how you’ll incorporate them into your life. It’s not a bad idea to go ahead and knock out the child-proofing, as well as some of the essentials you’ll need when your child comes to live with you.

Prepare Mentally

Finally, you’ll need to prepare mentally for the adoption home study. Many people psyche themselves out and get incredibly nervous in the lead-up to the meeting. However, it’s important to keep yourself calm so that you can answer their questions truthfully and sincerely. Be yourself and show them what you have to offer as a parent. Know how you’ll answer questions about why you are choosing adoption and what makes you a great parent. The adoption home study is incredibly important during the adoption process. Prepare yourself in advance so that you aren’t scrambling at the last minute when your agent shows up at your door. Gather your legal documents ahead of time so you can quickly find them when needed. Prepare your home by cleaning it and getting it ready for a child. Prepare yourself mentally by thinking about how you’ll answer potential questions. And finally, and most importantly, relax! The goal of the home study is to make sure you are creating a loving environment for a child, not to find faults with you. You’ll do great in your home study if you are just yourself and show them how great of a parent you will be.