Dividing Student Loan Debt in a Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Dividing student loan debt in a divorce can get very complicated. Everybody knows that during a divorce, spouses must divide up their assets. But not everybody realizes that they also divide their debts. Divvying up student loan debt depends a lot on when you took out the loan as well as what the money was for. It also is important to lay out who benefitted from the loan. A judge will take into account many things when deciding to divide up marital assets. There isn’t any one answer on how loans are split. However, the goal of any judge is to make things fair and equitable for both parties. The best way to ensure that you are getting the best settlement possible is to hire an experienced divorce attorney to represent you.

Dividing Student Loan Debt in a Divorce: What Happens to Debt?

Pre-Marital vs. Marital Debt

When dividing student loan debt in a divorce, a judge will ask “when did you take out the loan?”. If you got the loan before marriage, then it is not a marital debt. Therefore, your spouse would likely not take on any of the debt during a divorce. However, the loan is a marital debt if you were in school when you married. Or if you took the loan out after marriage. In this case, a judge will decide how to split it fairly.

Where Did the Money Go?

Another question that a judge will try to answer is “where did the money go?”. If you used the money on something like housing, then your spouse also benefitted from it too. In this situation, they might be responsible for some of the debt. However, if it was entirely for tuition, a judge is more likely to assign the debt only to the student.

Who Benefitted from the Loan?

When trying to divide student loan debt in a divorce, a judge will also look at who benefitted from the loan. For example, if you divorce right after graduation, then your spouse is not likely to benefit at all from the loan. However, if your spouse graduated and used the credentials to get a high-paying job for many years before the divorce, then you did benefit. A judge is more likely to split the debt if you benefit from the money and your spouse’s education.

The Big Picture

While there are many factors that a judge takes into consideration when dividing student loan debt into a divorce, they are mostly looking at the big picture. For example, they will take into consideration things like each of your salaries and assets. They’ll also consider alimony and other spousal support payments. The goal is to divide your marital assets and debts equitably. When a judge is dividing student loan debt into a divorce, things can get a little messy. Just as with all aspects of divorce, a lot of factors contribute to the divvying up of debt. A judge will look at when you took out the loan as well as what you spent the money on. They’ll also think about who benefitted from the money and how it fits into the overall picture of your financial health as a couple. The goal of any divorce proceeding is to split up marital assets, property, and debts in a way that is fair to both parties. Hopefully, if you have concerns about student loan debt, your divorce attorney can help you navigate them and ensure that you get the settlement you are entitled to.

Dealing with Divorce Embarrassment

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
While it’s perfectly normal to go through a divorce, unfortunately, many people still experience divorce embarrassment afterward. There is absolutely no reason to feel shame about ending a marriage that is unhealthy. However, if you are struggling with these feelings, it can help to try to put things into perspective. Look at the bigger picture and remember that this is leading to better things for you. Cut out toxicity in your life if people are surrounding you that are adding to your guilt. Find a way to talk about your divorce, and practice it so that you are prepared when questions come up. And finally, if you are truly struggling with these feelings, it might help to speak to a therapist. Hopefully, they can help you learn some coping mechanisms and self-acceptance so that you can realize that divorce is not just an ending but also a new beginning.

Dealing with Divorce Embarrassment: Learning Self-Acceptance

Put Things in Perspective

One thing that can be very helpful if you are experiencing divorce embarrassment is to try to put things into perspective. Remember that this feels like a huge part of your life right now, but eventually, you will move on. And you might even move on with a person that is a much better fit. You can have an entire second life ahead of you, and this will be just a blip eventually. It’s also important to remember that it’s far more embarrassing to stay in a marriage that makes you unhappy for years and years than to go through a divorce.

Cut Out Toxicity

Divorce is incredibly common these days. However, there still might be some people in your life that make you feel ashamed of your marriage ending. This can add to divorce embarrassment and is uncalled for. Divorce can be very healthy if you are in an unhappy marriage. Cut out toxic people in your life that do not support your decision. Try to surround yourself with supportive friends and family who understand that you made the right decision for your family.

Find a Way to Talk About It

Dealing with divorce embarrassment can be difficult, especially when your divorce is brought up suddenly. Find a way to talk about your divorce, and practice out loud to yourself. Repeating the words to yourself can normalize them and make you feel more comfortable when talking to others. Try to remember that nobody will judge you for having this experience. You’ll meet many people throughout your life that have been through the same thing.

Therapy

Finally, if you are truly struggling with divorce embarrassment, it’s time to speak to a professional about it. A therapist can help you organize your thoughts and pinpoint where the shame is coming from. They can give you great coping skills to deal with stress. Finally, they can help you learn self-acceptance and help you see the positive side of divorce. Divorce embarrassment is completely normal, but there’s still no reason to experience shame about your marriage ending. Not only is divorce very common, but it’s also often the best thing for your future and well-being. Staying in an unhappy marriage is much worse than going through the stigma of a divorce. Try to remind yourself that you made the best decision. Cut out toxic people in your life that are making you feel ashamed about it. Practice talking about your divorce out loud so that you don’t feel embarrassed to speak to others about your experience. And finally, talk to a therapist if you are struggling with feelings of shame and guilt. Hopefully, you can move on quickly and begin the process of healing.

Spotting Signs of Depression After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Depression after divorce is very common. Divorce is a hugely stressful event, and it marks the end of a marriage and future that you imagined for yourself. It’s okay to grieve over this loss. However, if the grief seems to be affecting your whole life, it’s important to pay attention to signs of depression. A lack of energy or feeling of hopelessness, or sleep disturbances might indicate some depression as can a lack of enjoyment in things you normally like to do. If the grief is causing problems in your life, or if you ever have thoughts of harming yourself or others, it’s time to seek help immediately. Many treatments might be able to help you overcome these feelings and get back to living your life.

Spotting Signs of Depression After Divorce: Know the Symptoms

Lack of Energy

One of the signs of depression after divorce is a lack of energy. It’s perfectly okay to want to take a little break and rest after your divorce is finalized. After all, it’s an incredibly draining process that can last a long time. However, if many weeks have gone by and you’re finding it hard to muster the energy for leaving the house or participating in activities, it might be time to look for some support.

Sleep Issues

Sleep disturbances can also be one of the symptoms of depression after divorce to watch out for. That might mean insomnia keeping you up all night, or an inability to get out of bed and sleeping the day away. If the pattern is different from your typical sleep, then it’s a cause to speak to a doctor or therapist. Do not try to self-medicate to get to sleep because some sleep medicines can become addictive.

Lack of Enjoyment

Another sign of depression after divorce is a lack of enjoyment in normal activities. If you are finding it difficult to enjoy the things in life that you normally do, it’s a cause for concern. While it’s normal to feel the blues after a divorce, you don’t want it to be sucking all the joy out of your life. In addition, feeling hopeless, or feeling like things will never get back to normal can also be signs of depression.

When to Get Help

It’s important to reach out and get help if you are experiencing symptoms of depression after divorce. There are many therapies, treatments, and medications you can try that might help you get back on your feet and feel like yourself. If you ever have thoughts of harming yourself or others, call for help immediately. Call a friend or family member to help you, call 911, or try the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988. Depression after divorce is quite common, but that doesn’t make it less concerning or difficult to deal with. It’s important to get the support you need to get through this tough time. If you are noticing signs of depression like a lack of energy, lack of enjoyment out of activities, or sleep disturbances, it’s important to reach out for help. If you experience suicidal thoughts, it’s an emergency. Therapy can be very helpful, as can outpatient and in-patient treatment plans for depression. In addition, there are medications that a doctor might be able to prescribe that can help you overcome these feelings and get back to feeling like yourself. Hopefully, you can get the support you need to get back on your feet and look forward to the next chapter of your life.

Engaging a Divorce Attorney

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Engaging a divorce attorney is in your best interest if you and your spouse are deciding to end your marriage. It’s best to get the process started as soon as possible so that your attorney can make sure that you are protecting yourself financially. Finding the right fit can take a little trial and error, but it’s best to speak to a few different attorneys. Consider the budget and speak to each of the attorneys about how their fees work. And finally, look for an attorney that has experience with cases similar to yours. It’s not necessarily helpful to rely just on the recommendations of friends because their divorce case might be very different from yours. Find an attorney that seems like they will be able to represent you during your divorce best and will help you get the settlement you deserve.

Engaging a Divorce Attorney: Finding the Right Fit

Start Early

Begin the process of engaging a divorce attorney as soon as you realize that divorce is a possibility. You want to ensure that you protect yourself financially if things begin to get ugly with your soon-to-be ex. In addition, they can help you begin gathering all of the information that you’re going to need later on down the road.

Ask Questions

Before engaging a divorce attorney, it’s best to speak to a few options. Try to set up meetings with two or three lawyers. Try to get a feel for their overall approach and how they or their team operate. You’re not looking to find a new best friend, but you need to feel comfortable enough, to be honest with them. Find somebody that you trust to represent you and that will keep things professional.

Consider Budget

It’s important to consider your budget when engaging a divorce attorney. Divorce is expensive. There’s just no getting around that. However, some attorneys charge more than others. When you’re meeting with potential attorneys, ask them how their fee schedule works. They won’t be able to give you a definite answer on how much your divorce will be. There is any number of factors that can affect that. But they should be able to give you some general idea of costs.

Look for Experience

Finally, when engaging a divorce attorney, look for experience. You want to pick somebody that is professional and knows what they’re doing. And more specifically, you want an attorney that has handled cases similar to yours. Especially if you expect your divorce to be complicated with lots of properties, assets, or custody disputes. Engaging a divorce attorney is the best first step you can take to protect yourself as soon as you and your spouse decide to split up. It might seem hasty, but there’s a lot of prep work involved in a divorce. Your attorney can help you get that ball rolling and can protect you financially from your ex doing anything tricky with bank accounts. Meet with several attorneys to decide which you feel like will be a good fit for you. Consider your budget and ask them for a general idea of what to expect cost-wise. And finally, pick an attorney that has a lot of experience in the field, and with cases similar to yours. You should pick somebody that is professional and whom you feel will represent you to the best of their ability. Hiring the right attorney can make a big impact on your divorce settlement.

Battling Divorce Stigma

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Even though divorce is very common, you might still be battling divorce stigma from those around you. Family members, friends, or even strangers might feel like it is their place to discuss your divorce and their thoughts. However, the choices that you make are none of their business. Try to change the conversation around divorce by adjusting your framework for talking about it. Surround yourself with supportive people, and don’t neglect to practice self-care. And finally, if you are still having a difficult time, consider speaking with a therapist or close friend. Hopefully, you can change the narrative and embrace your divorce as an empowering move and one that will improve your future.

Battling Divorce Stigma: Changing the Way We Talk About Divorce

Change the Conversation

The first step in battling divorce stigma is to change the way you see divorce. Instead of looking at it as the end of your marriage, look at it as a window into your future. Going through the process can be draining but don’t let the stigma surrounding divorce make you doubt yourself. You made the right decision and when the dust settles you’ll be able to see this as a new beginning rather than a chapter ending.

Surround Yourself with Support

Another thing that can help with battling divorce stigma is to surround yourself with supportive friends and family. Don’t let those around you drudge up negative thoughts about the divorce. Instead, try to find people that will help you look forward to the future rather than focusing on the past.

Prioritize Self-Care

Don’t forget about self-care when battling divorce stigma. It can be taxing on you emotionally to feel like others are judging you. Make sure that you take time to focus on your mental well-being periodically by doing things that make you feel confident and bring you joy. For example, get plenty of rest, exercise regularly, and get outside in the sun. You can also try things like meditation, deep breathing, and mindfulness for stress relief.

Talk it Out

Finally, battling divorce stigma is easier when you have somebody to talk to about it. Reach out to a therapist or close friend to help you. Sometimes it’s helpful to have a sympathetic ear. And other times, they might be able to give you great advice for handling stressful situations or people in your life. Battling divorce stigma is, unfortunately, still something you might have to deal with. Even though divorce is quite common, you might still get some push-back from old-school family members or friends. Ignore the naysayers and focus on your future instead. Don’t let them make you doubt yourself or your decision. You and your ex made the best decision for both of your futures. Even though divorce is tiring, try to see it as empowering as well. You got through it and you’re on the other side of things. Now you can make whatever kind of future you want for yourself. Try to focus on the positive and surround yourself with others who do the same. Don’t forget about your self-care, and make time for speaking with a therapist or close friend. Hopefully, you can begin to see your divorce as an open door to a more positive future.

Spring Cleaning Post-Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

After separation or divorce, it’s easy to overwhelm yourself. Even an amicable divorce is not easy. With the seasons changing, now is a good time to really embrace your new life. Spring cleaning post-divorce can happen during any season! Time to clean out the closets.

Spring Cleaning Post-Divorce: Starting Anew 

Hated that piece? Get rid of it

​Sometimes, exes buy pieces for the home that aren’t the best looking or best fitting. If your ex left this piece behind during their move, get rid of it. Spring cleaning post-divorce allows you to focus on yourself and what you like. If that chair in the sitting room doesn’t fit the bill, it’s gone!

​If donating the item is something of interest, many non-profits will gladly schedule a pick up. But maybe selling it is a better option! Facebook Marketplace, Offer Up, and the NextDoor app all offer a solution for selling those items.

Make It Yours

Making your new solo space yours is most important when you’re spring cleaning post-divorce. Simply changing out the throw pillows to a color that you like more or removing personal touches of your ex will freshen up your space and make it a place for just you. In the case that you need to get your own place, don’t feel disheartened! It’s a positive time for starting over and truly making a space yours.

Get Organized!

Many people have heard of the Netflix show, Tidying Up with Marie Kondo. Spring cleaning post-divorce means organizing for this next step in life without dragging baggage in from your married life. Utilizing the KonMari method will help you only keep things in your life that bring you joy. While this may seem daunting, take your time. A good tip to remember is to tackle one room at a time!

Sweep, Mop, Clean

Spring cleaning post-divorce can include cleaning the windows and mopping the floors. The physical act of cleaning is therapeutic and it’s a perfect metaphor for divorce. After you’re done cleaning, you’ll feel in control of your life and your space.

Remember: property settlement will determine if your ex gets to leave that awful chair behind. Don’t start decluttering their personal items out before the court decides that the remaining property is yours. Make sure you talk to your ex about what they want and don’t want. Spring cleaning post-divorce is a therapeutic time but don’t let it get you in trouble in court!

Unexpected Divorce: My Spouse is Gay

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

It happens a lot. During a marriage, sometimes a spouse will reveal that they are interested in other people. Sometimes, however, these other people are of the same gender as they are. For straight couples, this is probably a huge shock. But what does your spouse coming out mean for you and your family? Let’s discuss some common questions and reasons for an unexpected divorce. 

Unexpected Divorce: My Spouse is Gay

Do we stay married?

The choice is up to you. Some may enter this chapter in their relationship with a new understanding of each other. Others may chose an unexpected divorce. Whatever you decide is right for you is the right choice. Coming out doesn’t always lead to an immediate separation. A marriage means a lot of intertwined parts, and a divorce might not be the easiest or best option.

If we stay married, then what?

If you both decide to avoid that unexpected divorce and stay married instead, your spouse may ask for an open relationship. An open relationship requires more communication and honesty. Each open relationship is different; no two look the same. Some of them are completely open. Others are open to particular people. Coming out takes a lot of trust, but so do open relationships. Make sure you and your partner feel comfortable with your relationships at all points.

Not sure about what you want?

Much like the coming out decision that your spouse made, your next move might take time. Choosing an unexpected divorce, especially very quickly, you might not be making the right choice for you. Your emotions are on high-alert. Take time to fully feel through these emotions before making any permanent decisions.

Nothing You Did

No matter what, you cannot change a person’s sexual orientation. If your spouse coming out is a surprise for you, do not feel discouraged. You are valid and perfect as you are. There might be a difficult acceptance period. It might be a good idea for you to seek help or therapy.

Mixed orientation couples are more common than the average person might realize. Coming out happens at all stages of life. For some, that might be after they’ve entered a heterosexual marriage. Also remember that coming out does not mean the couples are out of love. ​​​It also doesn’t mean that you will absolutely be getting that unexpected divorce we discussed. Every marriage is different and you should do what feels right to you. 

Financial Infidelity: Potential Signs

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

When people think of a spouse cheating, most of the time they think of physical encounters. However, financial infidelity is something which not only occurs, but is also on the rise. Knowing some common signs of this infidelity can help you see if it’s occurring in your marriage…

Financial Infidelity: Unconventional Cheating

Missing cash

Have you noticed money missing from a joint account you and your spouse share? Does your bank statement show a lot of withdrawals you don’t know about? If so, you might want to be careful. Missing money can be a potential sign of financial infidelity.

Now, sometimes a spouse will take out money for something and forget about it. That’s totally normal. However, constant withdrawals for varying amounts can be reason for concern. When you notice this, you’ll want to ask your spouse about what’s going on. In the meantime, try to keep your money in a separate account to keep it secure.

Many new purchases

If your spouse is making a lot of new, constant purchases all the time, that can also be a sign of financial infidelity. Of course, people like to treat themselves every now and again. It becomes an issue when it seems like your spouse is making a purchase every other day. Usually, these purchases can be very cheap, very expensive, or somewhere in-between.

Your spouse might even try to hide these purchases from you. They may always try and get the mail or packages, or use a separate bank account to prevent the purchases from showing up on your end. Sometimes, they might even use something like a P.O. box so they never arrive at the house!

They don’t like financial talk

Talking about finances is a part of any good marriage. Plus, if you feel like you’ve noticed signs of financial infidelity, you’ll want to bring them up to your spouse. Yet, what if your spouse gets upset when you try to have these conversations? This can actually be another sign that financial infidelity is going on.

If you talk finances to your spouse, they might be worried you’re going to bring up their actions. This can make them want to avoid talking about it all together. Still, it’s important to do so if you want to fix this problem together. Not doing so will strain things even more.

Budget Mistakes: Post-Divorce Finances

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Having a good budget is important for your post-divorce finances. However, not everyone gets it right the first time. Making budget mistakes can really add some financial stress which you could’ve avoided. Therefore, it’s important to know what are some common ones, and how to fix them…

Budget Mistakes: Common Missteps

Forgetting what’s “essential”

When most people make their new budget, they want to focus on essential expenses. These are the things they know they’ll need, and have to make sure they have money for. Still, many people tend to forget what exactly counts as an essential and what is something they could go without, which is one of the more-common budget mistakes.

For instance, things like grocery shopping, utility bills, and rent/mortgage payments are all essentials. You will need to pay these things so you have food to eat and a roof over your head. Yet, you don’t need premium subscription services or streaming services. It might not seem like much, but that extra money can really make a difference.

Overestimating income

Another of the common budget mistakes has to do with income. For most people, their income is the money they can use on their expenses, and hopefully save up as well. The issue is that income isn’t the simple, straightforward number we tend to think that it is. Rather, they need to account for net income.

Net income is the amount of money you actually take home. After all, everyone has taxes and other deductions taken out of their paycheck. That’s going to limit the amount of money you’ll have to spend. Therefore, you need to plan around that net income instead.

Not seeking outside help

Budget mistakes can be troublesome, but they are also something you can fix. Sometimes, however, you might struggle to see what exactly you need to change. When this happens, you’ll want to avoid yet another mistake where you don’t get extra help.

Meeting with some kind of financial adviser can help you see what’s wrong and how to fix it. They will work with you to look at your budget, and make sure you understand what’s causing issues. Then, they’ll develop a plan to help you turn things around and make it finally work for your needs.

Controlling Spouse: Signs of Abuse

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

One thing which is important to remember is that an abusive relationship doesn’t just have to be physical. Emotional abuse is very serious, and commonly comes in the form of a controlling spouse. Knowing some indicators of this attempted control can help you better see if they’re reflected in your own marriage…

Controlling Spouse: Potential Signs

Social isolation

One thing a controlling spouse might do is isolate you socially. People who try and control others are keen to try and limit their time spent with others. This is because they might be jealous, or worry others will threaten their control over you. Due to this, they’ll try and cut them out of your life.

This isolation can apply to both your friends and family. It might start off slowly, like with them getting annoyed when you go out with friends or see family. Eventually, it could escalate into them telling you that you can’t go out at all. When this starts happening, it’s a clear sign they’re trying to control you.

Manipulating emotions

A controlling spouse also tends to be emotionally manipulative. They may do this in a few different ways. One way is by constantly criticizing you in an effort to lower your self-esteem, while making acceptance conditional. For example, they may only give you praise when you do something specifically for them.

Guilt-tripping is also another way they might manipulate you. They’ll do this by making you feel guilty for things you do, even if they aren’t wrong or are outside of your control. If you feel emotionally beholden to them, then they can really begin to control you.

Privacy invasion

Privacy invasion is also something a controlling spouse will do. They want to keep tabs on what you’re doing at all times, leaving you with no sense of privacy. They could try and track your social media activity, or constantly call and text asking where you are. Sometimes, they may even go through your phone or computer when you aren’t looking.

Not only does this show their controlling nature, but it also shows they don’t trust you. Mutual trust is important for any relationship. A lack of trust, combined with this sort of control, indicates potential future problems.