Surviving Relationship Abuse: Physical and Emotional

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Surviving relationship abuse doesn’t just mean getting out of the partnership safely, it also means getting the help you need to heal physically and emotionally from the ordeal. Abuse can take many forms. It can look like physical abuse in the form of hitting, slapping, choking, or sexual assault. Or it can be emotional and look like isolation or gaslighting. Abuse can escalate into more and more extreme forms of violence and can even be deadly. Find support if you are in an abusive relationship, and start making an emergency plan. Additionally, begin considering how to exit the relationship safely. Finally, when you are free from your abuser, find the support you need to heal from wounds, both physical and emotional. Hopefully, you can move on to a more healthy relationship in the future.

Surviving Relationship Abuse: Physical and Emotional

Find Support

Surviving relationship abuse is easier if you can build a support network around yourself. This means finding people that believe in you and who will keep your confidence. Speak to a friend or family member you trust about what is happening in your relationship. They might be able to offer you a safe place to stay, a sympathetic ear, money to help you get away, or connections to support networks for domestic abuse.

Create an Emergency Plan

Another important thing to remember is that things can escalate quickly. Especially if the abuse is already physical. It’s best to have an emergency plan in case things ever get out of control. Decide where the safest place in the house is where you can put a locked door between yourself and your abuser. More importantly, arrange for a safe place outside of your house that you and any children can go to at a moment’s notice if needed.

Exit the Relationship

Surviving relationship abuse is really all about getting away safely and exiting the relationship. Abusers do not stop on their own. Abuse often escalates into more and more extreme forms. The only way to ensure your safety is to get away from your abuser once and for all. If you are in an abusive marriage, begin speaking with an experienced attorney about divorce options. In some cases, proving abuse can impact your divorce timeline and outcome.

Find Help For Healing

Finally, surviving relationship abuse isn’t just about getting away. It’s also about healing and moving on to more healthy relationships. Reach out to a therapist, or consider looking into support networks for survivors of domestic violence. Healing can be both physical and emotional. The wounds that abusers create can last many years, but there is support available. Surviving relationship abuse is no small feat. Whether you are suffering from physical abuse from a partner or emotional abuse, the healing process can take a long time. Abuse is all about control, and unfortunately, abusers don’t stop on their own. They might escalate into more extreme forms of abuse or violence. To ensure that you are safe, you must make a plan to get away from your abuser once and for all. Reach out to a trusted friend or family member, and create an emergency plan. Then, work on exiting the relationship safely and healing from the experience. Hopefully, you can find the support you need to move on to a happier life and a more healthy relationship in the future.

Divorce Gets Easier, Right?

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
If you are in the throes of the divorce process, you might be wondering if divorce gets easier. It can be hard to see the finish line when you’re dealing with a contentious ex, tons of paperwork, and legal fees. However, the good news is that divorce does get easier as time goes by and you begin to adjust to your new life. You’ll also get better and better at co-parenting as time goes on and you and your ex get used to this new relationship. You might even find that you can become more comfortable being around each other. However, it’s important to take the time you need to process the divorce. And if you are struggling with anxiety or depression, speak up and reach out to get the support you need. Divorce is hard on everybody, but there is an end in sight.

Divorce Gets Easier, Right? Easing Your Anxiety

Getting Through the Actual Process

Divorce gets easier when you are finally through the tedious process itself. The actual process of divorce is exhausting. Splitting up assets, deciding custody, asking for support payments. All of it is typically fraught with emotion and highly contentious. Plus, it’s expensive. When your divorce is final, you should begin to feel less stress. Keep your eyes on that goal.

Learning a New Way of Life

While your divorce gets easier, transitioning to your new post-divorce way of life can also be a big adjustment. You’ll probably be facing a different housing situation, different daily routine, and different financial situation. Plus, you’re probably missing your ex at times, feeling angry at other times, and everything in between. As time goes on, you’ll get used to this new life until it feels like your new normal.

Learning to Co-Parent

Time can also heal some wounds between exes. If you have children, figuring out custody can have a steep learning curve. Anything involving your children probably comes with some heightened emotions. Divorce gets easier when you and your ex can learn to co-parent healthily. Try to put aside your bitter feelings and focus on working together for the sake of your kids.

The Bottom Line

The bottom line is that yes, divorce gets easier. However, that doesn’t mean that you won’t have to put in some work. Take the time you need to process your feelings about the break-up. Talk to a therapist or close friend about how you’re feeling about things. And practice healthy habits like getting plenty of sleep and maintaining a social life. If you are struggling to move on, reach out to your doctor or therapist for support. Divorce is an overwhelmingly emotional experience, and you don’t have to go through it alone. While it might feel like a never-ending process, divorce gets easier with time. The stress and anxiety will ease and you’ll begin to move forward into the next chapter of life. But it can feel very overwhelming when you’re going through it. Try to remind yourself that there is an end in sight, and remember that the process itself won’t last forever. You’ll adjust to your new way of life, and hopefully, you’ll also learn to interact with your ex without tension. This will ease your co-parenting relationship if you share children. All in all, divorce does get easier, but it takes time. And it takes some healing and self-care on your part. Reach out to a friend, family member, doctor, or therapist if you find that you are overwhelmed by the divorce process, or are struggling to move on.

The Four Co-parenting C’s

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

There are plenty of mistakes that every co-parent will make. After all, we’re all new to this at some point in time, and there are always growing pains. The key to being a good co-parent, is keeping a few key goals in mind. From communication, to compromise, and beyond— the Four Co-parenting C’s are something every divorced parent must observe, and perfect, to become the co-parent we all want to be. No one said it’s easy, but it’s undeniably worth it.

The Four Co-parenting C’s to Perfect for Your Kids 

Cooperation

When it comes to mastering co-parenting, cooperation is at the center of it all. While you two divorced for a reason, you also have to find ways to put that aside for your children. You’ll have to manage school, appointments, birthday parties, family gatherings, sick days, pick-up and drop-off, and many manyother things as a unit. The key to successful cooperation, is to plan ahead of time— but also be flexible. The more committed you are to cooperating for your kids, the more likely you are to be successful at it.

Compromise

One of the most difficult things to do as a divorced parent, and co-parent, is to compromise with your former spouse. No matter how hard we try, it’s extremely easy to be spiteful when it comes to your ex, even when kids are involved. But, as a parent, you always have to imagine if the shoe was on the other foot. Maybe this weekend was supposed to be yours, but your former spouse’s mother has fallen extremely ill. Your ex asks if you will let the child spend the weekend with them so they can visit in the hospital. 

While your instinct might be to say no out of spite, consider if it was the other way around. Your mother is ill, she might pass, and you want your child to be able to say goodbye. By giving a little in the right moments, you and your former spouse might be able to form a new kind of respect, and become better co-parents in the long run.

Consistency

As we’ve mentioned, there will always be growing pains as you learn how to co-parent outside of a marriage, but consistency is key. By maintaining routines for your child from one household to the other, you give them a sense of security that might have been wavering after the separation. By setting uniform expectations, you make things easier for your children. Not to mention, you also avoid that infamous “but, Mom/Dad lets me…”

Communication

We always save this one for last because it’s the most important, and the most difficult to master. Chances are, your inability to communicate with one another played at least a small part in your divorce. So, how are we supposed to get better at it now? Quite simply put, because you have to. In communicating effectively, you set a strong example for your children and avoid conflict. Conduct yourselves in a business-like fashion because, after all, you’re colleagues in the business of raising your children. So, be courteous to the co-parent as if they are a co-worker.
​
As you consider the Four Co-parenting C’s, you might begin to discover what you’ve been excelling at. Furthermore, you might also discover what you need to work on. Every parent, whether divorced or together, can inevitably improve their tactics in one way or another— and there’s no shame in saying it. However, there is admirability in admitting your faults and improving upon them.

Household Transitions: Post-Divorce Adjustments

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Having to adapt to two different households can be tough for your kids after your divorce. As a result, it’s important to try and make those household transitions easier for your children. After all, this is completely new to every one of you. Taking time and consideration will help them a lot with going in-between you and your ex’s homes…

Household Transitions: Make Them Easier

Go over your schedule

You won’t want your kids to be caught off guard by a household transition. Not knowing when they’ll need to go from one home to the other can be a source of great anxiety for them. Rather, it’s best you talk to them ahead of time about the schedule you and your co-parent are working on.

Doing this will help your kids better prepare for making these transitions. Plus, it’s very easy to help them keep track, especially when you’re first starting out. A simple calendar can be all they need to easily keep track of when they’re going to make the switch to the other household.

 Avoid making them keep a bag

It’s pretty natural for us to pack a bag when we’re making a trip. In this context, however, it’s probably best that you make it so your kids won’t need to do so. Having them pack a bag of their stuff each time they go between homes can make these household transitions a lot harder on them.

Basically, this causes their homes to not really feel like a home. Rather, they’ll constantly feel like they have one foot out the door. It can also be stressful if they forget something at another house. Instead, you should both make it so there’s very little your kids will need when they go from one house to the other.

Avoid changeover conflict

For parents, the tricky part of household transitions can be having to be together again. Depending on your co-parenting relationship, these meetups can be potential points of contention for the both of you. This is especially true if there was something related to the kids that you recently disagreed on.

Still, you want to avoid any conflict during these transitions. Not only will it be bad for your co-parenting goals, but it’ll also be bad for the kids as well. Save those types of conversations for another time so your kids won’t be caught up in the blow back.

Sick Child: Co-parenting in Difficult Times

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Every parent expects for their kid to get sick now and then. However, having a sick child while co-parenting can impact your normal plan. Therefore, it’s good to know how you can co-parent effectively while also caring for your kid at the same time…

 Sick Child: Co-Parenting Methods

Prepare in advance

It’s always a good idea to plan in advance for a sick child. If it’s something you know will happen eventually, you should go ahead and get yourself ready. For instance, you both will want to stock up on some good basic medicine. You’ll also want to have any other important info, like their doctor’s contact details, insurance details, and lists of any medication or allergies.

As an extra precaution, be sure to know where to go in case of an emergency. The last thing you want when your kid gets really sick is not knowing where you can go for help. Take time to figure out where the closest hospitals are for both of your homes.

Be willing to make changes

When dealing with a sick child, you’ll want to be flexible when it comes to your original co-parenting plan. It could be the case that your kid is too sick to go to school, or even move houses. It’ll be a lot better for their recovery and overall well-being if they instead stay in one place as they try and get over their sickness.

Just be sure that you and co-parent talk about this beforehand. You don’t want to just say out of nowhere that you won’t be sticking to the original agreement. As long as you’re both on the same page, it becomes easier to accept these short-term changes.

Be united

The best thing you can do for your sick child is to come together and help them. Now is a time where they’ll especially benefit from care from the both of you. Even if you have your differences, this is when it’s much better to work as a team rather than be at odds with one another.

For example, maybe your co-parent can call and text your child more to make up for the other missed time. You may even invite them over to let them spend time together. This is great for your kid’s well-being, and shows them you both care for them and are helping to make them feel better.

Legal Name Change After Divorce: Update Your Info

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Everything is finalized, and you just got a legal name change after your divorce. However, you realize that all of your documents and accounts have your married name on them. There are so many things that you’ll need to update that it may feel overwhelming. Just take one step at a time and you will get it all changed over in no time.

Legal Name Change After Divorce: What Needs Updating

Social Security Card

Before you can proceed with changing over many other documents, you will need to get an updated social security card. Getting a legal name change after a divorce is one of the qualifying reasons that the social security office will let you get an updated card.

In order to get a new card, you will need to go to your local social office. If you don’t want to wait in a line, there may be appointments available if you plan ahead of time. If you are a US citizen, you will be required to bring several original documents with you. These include a proof of name change, so your divorce certificate or court order for a name change. You will need to bring a form of identification, such as a passport or US driver’s license (even if it has your married name). Also, you’ll need proof of citizenship, such as a passport or US birth certificate.

Driver’s License

Once you have an updated social security card, you can go to the DMV to get a new driver’s license. They will not allow you to get a license with a legal name change unless you have a new social security card already. Some states require you to let the DMV know of your legal name change within 60 days.

You’ll need to bring your updated social security card and name change documents with you. Check with your state’s DMV to see what other documentation you may need to bring as well. When you update your driver’s license, you will also be able to update your voter registration as well.

Financial Institutions

Don’t forget to update your credit cards after a legal name change. Those can usually be updated on the internet or over the phone. However, they will typically want proof of the name change.

You will want to contact your bank as well. They will be able to help you update your name on your bank accounts and debit cards.

Internet

Depending on if your email address included your married name, you may need to update your email address after you get a legal name change. Likewise, you’ll want to update social media accounts as well. Don’t forget to share the new information with your friends and family, but in the meantime, you can set up an email forwarding system so that emails to your old email address still get to you.

There are many things to consider if you are going to get a legal name change after your divorce. If you do decide to change your name, there will be documents and accounts you’ll need to update as well. It may seem daunting, but by taking one step at a time, you’ll have everything switched over in no time.

What to Do About Visitation Safety Concerns

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
It can be panic-inducing to deal with visitation safety concerns when it comes to your children being around your ex. If you have a co-parent that is unpredictable, abusive, or otherwise not trustworthy around your kids, there are ways that you can protect them. First of all, enlist the help of an experienced attorney who can help you make your case to a judge. Seek sole custody of your children so that you’ll be the only parent responsible for making legal decisions about them. Consider asking for a protective order if you feel they are in acute danger. And finally, consider asking for supervised visitation if you feel that your children shouldn’t be alone with their other parent. Hopefully, you and your attorney can win your case and find an outcome that alleviates your concerns.

What to Do About Visitation Safety Concerns: Protecting Your Children

Enlist an Attorney

If you have visitation safety concerns, consult an attorney immediately. Don’t take drastic action on your own. Instead, find an experienced lawyer who can help you make a case before a judge about why you feel there are safety concerns with your ex being around your children. The attorney can go over various options and help you gather evidence for your case.

Seek Sole Custody

You likely want to seek sole custody if you have visitation safety concerns about your ex. If you have sole legal custody, it means that you can make all decisions on your children’s behalf. For example, medical or educational decisions. If you have sole physical custody, that means that your children will live with you only. Often that means that your ex has visitation rights, but the circumstances of those vary from case to case.

Ask for a Protective Order

You and your attorney might decide to pursue a protective order on behalf of yourself or your children if you’re dealing with visitation safety concerns. You might be asked to show evidence of abusive or dangerous behavior. For example, texts or messages with threats. You might need to involve others like therapists, child protective services, or social workers.

Consider Supervised Visitation

Finally, one last route you can take if you’re dealing with visitation safety concerns is to ask for supervised visitation. This means that anytime your ex interacts with your children, they’ll be closely monitored by a third party. This might be a social worker, psychologist, or other trained professional. Furthermore, the court will decide where these visits take place, like a child protective services department or designated facility. If you have safety concerns about your children being around your ex, it can be quite frightening and frustrating to deal with as a parent. The court takes concerns like this very seriously. Hire an attorney immediately who can help you begin preparing a case to seek sole custody of your children. They can also help you gather documentation and properly file a protective order or restraining order. Finally, they can help make a case for only allowing supervised visitation between your ex and your children. Dealing with visitation safety concerns can be very difficult to manage, but hopefully, you and your attorney can come up with a plan that makes you feel more comfortable about your children’s well-being.

Dealing with a Financially Irresponsible Spouse

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Dealing with a financially irresponsible spouse can be incredibly frustrating, and it could put you and your family at risk. While everybody splurges occasionally, if you are dealing with a partner that consistently abuses your finances, it can cause irrevocable havoc in your life. It’s important to confront the issue head-on and be honest about what’s going on. Try to pinpoint where the actual problem is and focus on fixing it. You might need to take over control of your family finances, at least until your partner can be more trustworthy with money. And finally, in extreme cases, you might need to take further steps to protect yourself like opening your bank accounts. Hopefully, you and your partner can work through any money issues and get things back on track quickly.

Dealing with a Financially Irresponsible Spouse: Protecting Yourself

Be Honest About the Issues

When dealing with a financially irresponsible spouse, it’s important, to be honest and upfront about what’s going on. Sit them down for a discussion about why you feel there is a spending issue. Hopefully, they’ll be honest with you about what’s going on. Seeking help from a marriage counselor or therapist can help make discussions like these go more smoothly.

Try to Pinpoint the Problem

Try to brainstorm together to figure out what the source of trouble is for a financially irresponsible spouse. For example, is it eating out at restaurants, spending on clothes, or impulse purchases? Is it not being able to foresee bills coming up and saving properly? Or is it something more serious like a gambling addiction? Finding the source of the trouble might help you find solutions for fixing it.

Take Control of Finances

If you have a financially irresponsible spouse, it might be time to take control of family finances. However, this doesn’t mean that you have to cut your partner out of decisions. Just make sure that you are the one paying bills, and overseeing spending. Move bills to your name so that you can be sure they are paid on time. Tell your partner when you’re paying for things, and for how much.

Protect Yourself

Finally, you might have to take more drastic measures if your spouse is out of control with their spending. Failing to pay bills on time, or maxing out credit cards can seriously hinder your credit. You might consider getting them a secured credit card, or even opening up bank accounts in your name where you can pay household bills and begin saving. You might love your partner very much, but they could be devastating to you and your children financially. It’s important to take steps to protect yourself and your family if you are living with a financially irresponsible spouse. It might be issued with overspending, failing to save money, or lapsing on bills, but regardless, it can do a lot of damage to your life and credit score. Try to sit your partner down for an honest conversation about finances, and let them know your concerns. See if they can help you find solutions to the issue, or commit to making changes. Consider taking over family finances so that you can ensure bills are paid on time. And finally, you might need to think about opening up your bank accounts, or removing your spouse’s name from bills so that you have more control. Hopefully, the two of you can seek counseling and work through this issue so that you can set and reach financial goals together.

Meeting People After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Meeting people after a divorce can feel a little intimidating, whether you’re looking to make some new friends or potentially meet a new partner. Divorce can be isolating, as can a dysfunctional marriage. Many people, go through the divorce proceeding and then realize they are lonely when all of it is over. Be patient with yourself and remember to take plenty of time before moving on to a new partner. A divorce support group is a great way to make friends with others who have been through similar circumstances. You might also meet somebody new if you expand your horizons and try some new hobbies. Finally, don’t underestimate the power of a friendly attitude. Hopefully, you can surround yourself with supportive friends and maybe even think about dating again.

Meeting People After Divorce: Getting Back Out There

Be Patient

Meeting people after a divorce can take some time. You might struggle to maintain friendships with couples that you knew when you were married. Or you might have lost touch with old friends over the years. It’s never too late to reach out to past acquaintances. But if you’re looking to meet some new people, give yourself time. If you’re considering dating again, make sure that you’ve taken plenty of time to process your feelings and heal from the divorce.

Divorce Support Group

A divorce support group can help meet people after a divorce. There are various kinds of support groups, and you might need to shop around to find the best fit for you. Some groups meet to talk through their experiences, and groups meet to go on group hikes. And everything in between! Explore local groups and see if anything clicks for you.

Try a New Hobby

Trying a new hobby is another great way of meeting people after a divorce. Immerse yourself in something new and exciting. Now is the time to focus on your own needs, so explore something that you’ve always wanted to do. Improving at a new skill like salsa dancing or painting will also give you a self-confidence boost.

Be Open and Friendly

Finally, sometimes meeting people after divorce is all about just having an open and friendly attitude. Be kind to people when you’re out and about. Say hello to strangers, or strike up a conversation while you wait for your coffee order. Say yes to invitations from friends, even if you worry you might not know many people at the event. You never know where you might meet your next special someone. Going through the process of divorce can be very isolating and draining for many people. It can be stressful too and keeps you busy all the time. Often, this means that friendships take a back seat. Plus, if your social group mainly consists of couples, it can be difficult to feel connected. Meeting people after divorce that you have more in common with can be helpful, especially if you’re curious about getting back into the dating world. Consider divorce support groups and meetup groups if you’re looking to connect with other divorcees. Additionally, now is a great time to delve into a new hobby and take some classes. Finally, have a friendly and approachable attitude when you’re out and about, and try to say yes to social invitations whenever possible. Hopefully, by being brave and putting yourself out there, you’ll meet some great friends and make some lasting connections.

Weathering a Recession Together

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
With the housing market and inflation rates changing so much lately, many couples are wondering if they’ll be weathering a recession together soon. Hopefully, the economy will stay strong, but it’s still important to understand how to get through financial ups and downs without conflict. Throughout a marriage, there will likely be some times when money is tight, and this can often lead to marital fights. Get comfortable talking about finances together so that you can be on the same page. Discuss a budget and think of ways to cut back on spending. Finally, don’t play the blame game, and instead work together towards mutual financial goals. Hopefully, you can weather any financial dips and be stronger for it.

Weathering a Recession Together: How to Overcome Financial Struggles as a Couple

Get Comfy Talking About Money

One of the best things you can do if you’re facing weathering a recession together is to get comfortable talking about money. Whether it’s a national economic crisis or a personal financial dip, you’ll need to be able to communicate effectively. It can be uncomfortable to talk about money at first, but it’s an important part of your marriage. Both spouses should have an overview of their financial health at all times, and both should be involved in financial decision-making.

Make a Budget

Another thing that you can do in advance of weathering a recession together is to make a budget. Knowing exactly how much money is coming in each month vs how much money you’re spending can be very helpful. Try to account for yearly bills like registration renewals and home warranties. Additionally, don’t forget about monthly subscription services, which can add up quickly.

Find Ways to Cut Back

Sit down together and try to think of ways that you can cut back. You might consider limiting the number of meals you eat out or choosing cheaper options. Look for coupons for groceries that are getting more and more expensive. Ask about options for payment plans for large medical bills, and try to buy second-hand when possible. Make sure that you both are cutting back and that it’s not just one partner making sacrifices.

Don’t Place the Blame

Finally, when weathering a recession together, don’t place blame. It’s easy to react to stress and tension by taking it out on your partner. Instead, try to brainstorm together about ways to save and set financial goals. Try to build up an emergency savings account, and then move on to other savings like retirement or travel. Finally, be honest with one another about spending habits, and don’t try to hide debts. Hopefully, the U.S. will avoid any large-scale economic struggles in the coming months, but even so, couples might be weathering a recession together if their finances take a dip. Every marriage has its ups and downs. And that includes financial windfalls and struggles. Money problems can be one of the leading causes of divorce, so try not to let your finances become a source of conflict. Get comfortable talking about money together, and create a budget so you know exactly how much money is coming in and going out. Additionally, try to find ways to cut back on spending where you can, and avoid blaming one another for economic struggles. Hopefully, you’ll be able to bounce back quickly from any financial struggles and be stronger on the other side as a couple.