Divorcee Etiquette

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
If you are deciding to get back into the dating game, you’ll need to be aware of common divorcee etiquette. While you don’t want to harp on your divorce, it’s important to be honest about your past. It’s best to wait until your divorce is final before going public with any new partners. Otherwise, you could risk affecting your settlement negatively. Don’t compare your new date with your ex, and try to remember that they will handle situations differently. Finally, don’t trash your ex constantly. Not only can it affect your relationship, but it makes it seem like you aren’t emotionally healed from the breakup. Hopefully, you can navigate the complicated world of dating and find somebody that is a perfect match.

Divorcee Etiquette When Dating Again

Be Honest About the Divorce

One of the most important things to know about divorcee etiquette is that you should be up-front about your status. While you don’t have to go into details (in fact, it’s best not to), you should let any new partners know that you are a divorcee. Try to keep the explanation simple and straightforward.

Don’t Go Public Until Divorce is Final

Another aspect of divorcee etiquette is that you should not be flashy about any new relationships while your divorce proceedings are still happening. In fact, in some states, it could harm your settlement or even custody. Even if you and your ex are both on the same page about your split, seeing you with a new partner might make things more contentious. And finally, your children might not react well to you introducing them to a new partner so soon. It’s best to wait until your divorce is final, and you are emotionally healed, before dating again.

Don’t Compare Partners

It’s also helpful to avoid trying to compare any new dates with your ex. Whether you are comparing them positively or negatively, try to remember that they’re their unique person. Just because your ex reacted a certain way to a situation doesn’t mean that a new partner will. Try to be open-minded about dating, and avoid making comparisons to your ex-spouse.

Don’t Trash the Ex

Finally, it’s also important divorcee etiquette not trash the ex. If you need to vent about your ex, find a friend or therapist to talk to. But don’t unload on a new partner. It can make you seem like you are either bitter or like you are not moving on fully from the breakup. Additionally, if your ex finds out that you are trashing them, it can make custody more difficult. It’s best to avoid the topic of the ex whenever possible and remember “When you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” Divorcee etiquette can be a little complicated, but the most important thing is to have fun with dating. Allow yourself plenty of time to grieve the end of your marriage and emotionally heal from the stress of divorce. Focus on self-care and building back relationships that might have been neglected. Then, when things are final and you are moving on, consider dating once again. Be upfront about your status as a divorcee, but don’t go on and on about your breakup. Additionally, avoid comparing your new date to your spouse, and also try not to bash your ex in front of them. Hopefully, you’ll be able to move on quickly from your divorce and enjoy dating once again. You never know when you’ll meet the perfect match!

Fighting Loneliness After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Fighting loneliness after divorce can be tough. You have likely been living with another person for many years, and it can be quite hard to suddenly learn to live alone. However, know that you will quickly get used to your new situation. It can help to reconnect with old friends that you’ve lost touch with. You can also make new friends by joining a local meet-up group or getting back out into the dating world. It helps to stay busy with hobbies and interests. And finally, adopting a pet is always a great way to fight loneliness. Divorce is stressful and difficult, but for many, adapting to their new way of life is just as hard. Hopefully, you will be able to adjust quickly and find some ways to fill your time and help battle loneliness.

Fighting Loneliness After Divorce: Adjusting to Your New Normal

Reconnect with Old Friends

Fighting loneliness after divorce can start with reconnecting with old friends. The divorce process is stressful and complicated. It can often take up tons of your time. So it’s possible that you haven’t had time for friends lately. Now is a great time to reach out and try to re-connect. Invite them out for a quick bite or a cup of coffee to catch up.

Join a Local Meet-Up Group or Dating Website

Another way of fighting loneliness after divorce is to join a local meet-up group. There are groups for many different hobbies and interests. There are also groups specifically for divorcees. And of course, if you are comfortable and feel ready, you can always re-join the dating pool. It can be scary at first, but if you take your time and take things slow, you might connect with somebody amazing.

Stay Busy

Fighting loneliness after divorce is easiest if you stay busy. Boredom always increases feelings of loneliness. Try to focus on a new hobby or interest. Or reconnect with an old passion. You can take classes, explore museums, or even do virtual tours. Taking up a new hobby is also a great way to meet new people who share the same interests as you.

Adopt a Pet

Finally, one final and fun way of fighting loneliness after divorce is to adopt a pet. There are many needy animals out there just looking to be adopted by a loving parent like you. Just make sure that you have the time and energy to dedicate to a pet. Consider rescuing a pet from a local rescue group, shelter, or foster service instead of going to a breeder. Fighting loneliness after divorce can be hard. It’s difficult when you’ve lived with another person for many years to suddenly adjust to single life. Even just learning to cook for one can be an adjustment. However, you can fight the loneliness by making time to reconnect with old friends. Or you can take up a new hobby. This is also a great way to meet somebody new to date or some new friends. There are plenty of meetup groups available to fit any interest. If you feel ready, try online dating, or asking a friend to set you up on a date. And finally, adopting a pet can be a great way to get a loving buddy for many years. Hopefully, you’ll adjust to your new normal quickly and find happiness.

Splitting Up Household Chores Fairly

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Splitting up household chores fairly can be a huge way to relieve marital stress. Although it might not seem like a big deal, people’s living space has a big impact on their mood. If your house is messy, it can create more anxiety. And if one partner feels like household duties always fall on their shoulders, it can create some resentment. Brainstorm all of the various household needs, and then create a schedule that feels fair to both of you. Hold each other accountable, and don’t shirk your duties. And finally, don’t forget about the mental load. Especially if you have children or other responsibilities. Hopefully, by sharing to make your space more attractive, you can reduce marital stress.

Splitting Up Household Chores Fairly in a Marriage

Create a List of Responsibilities

The first thing to do when splitting up household chores is to make a master list of everything that needs to be done. Include things like cleaning the house, laundry, yard upkeep, and routine maintenance. Then, add to its work like paying bills, organizing the family schedule, or various childcare responsibilities. Try to think of all of the various tasks that need to be accomplished.

Make a Schedule

Now, it’s time to start splitting up household chores. Get out a sheet of paper and begin working out a schedule of when each of you will be responsible for your tasks. If you have certain chores that you hate doing, and chores that you don’t mind, share this with your partner. It might work out that you coordinate perfectly, or you might just have to rotate if you both hate the same tasks.

Hold Each Other Accountable

Don’t shirk your duties if you’ve gone through the trouble of splitting up household chores. It isn’t fair to your partner or the rest of your family. Instead, try to hold each other accountable. Understand that there might be times when one partner needs a break or needs a little help. Try to support each other with gentle reminders instead of nagging. And finally, don’t nitpick the way your partner does their chores. Even if you tackle things differently, as long as the job gets done, there’s no need to criticize.

Don’t Forget About Mental Work

Finally, don’t forget the mental work that goes into keeping up a household. Not only do you need to be splitting up household chores, but also emotional and mental work as well. For example, keeping up with finances, scheduling doctors’ appointments for the family, or coordinating sports schedules. If you have young children you’ll also do a fair bit of homework help, shopping for gifts for holidays, planning vacations, and even things like shopping for clothing in the next size.

Splitting up household chores can go a long way in helping you and your spouse get along better. When it feels like both of you are giving equal effort into maintaining your way of life, you’ll hopefully be a stronger couple. Sit down and make a list of all of the various responsibilities that you have as a family. If you have children, this might include a lot of mental work as well. Then, take time to create a realistic schedule that feels fair to each of you for sharing these responsibilities. After that, it’s just a matter of sticking to your schedule and fulfilling your promises to your partner. Hopefully, you can both give each other the respect you deserve by contributing equally to your household’s happiness and upkeep. And when your children are older, you can include them too!

Divorce Transition for Babies

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
While we often think about the difficulties of divorce in older children, the divorce transition for babies can also be tough. Even infants can sense when parents are anxious, so they might pick up on divorce stress. To prevent any sort of disruptions, focus on quality time with your children when you are around them. Try to keep your schedules across your and your ex’s houses the same. And finally, now is the time to work on perfecting the art of co-parenting. Divorce is tough on everybody, and that includes very young children as well. Make things as smooth as possible for everyone by focusing on quality time together and peaceful co-parenting.

Divorce Transition for Babies: Smoothing Things Out

Do Babies Understand Divorce?

While the divorce transition for babies is very different than for older children, infants still do have stress during a divorce. Even young babies who have no idea what divorce is can pick up on stress in their parents and older siblings. Especially if their parents are fighting with one another in front of them. So try to limit your arguments with your ex in front of children, even infants.

Focus on Quality Time

Focusing on quality time can help with the divorce transition for babies. You and your ex might be switching childcare, or having your child go back and forth between your houses. If that’s the case, really focus on keeping your time together sacred. Set aside the phone and pay attention to your child and their needs. Play with them and make the moments that you do have together extra special.

Keep Schedules Consistent

Babies thrive on consistency, so to ease the divorce transition for babies, keep your schedules the same across your houses. You and your ex should follow similar times for napping, sleeping, feeding, and play times. The more consistent you can be, the easier the transitional period will be for your child.

Perfect Your Co-Parenting

The absolute best thing that parents can do for children of any age is to get great at co-parenting. Coordinating custody schedules, sharing responsibilities, splitting holidays, and getting along with your ex are all skills that take time to perfect. While babies might be more difficult on your sleep schedule, they have relatively few obligations. Unlike older children who have extra-curricular and sports schedules to maintain. Use this time to perfect your co-parenting skills so that it’ll be a breeze to handle when your child’s schedule gets more complicated. The divorce transition for babies is not as difficult as for older children, but it’s still important to be mindful of your infant’s needs at this time. While babies certainly don’t understand what a divorce means, they do pick up on tension and stress when parents argue in front of them. Try to limit any fights to when you and your ex are in private. Additionally, keep your schedules as consistent as possible between your houses. Focus on making the time you have with your infant quality time. And finally, work on perfecting your co-parenting skills now so that you can handle more complicated schedules and childcare needs in the future. Hopefully, you and your ex can make this transitional period easier for everybody.

Pet Ownership During Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Pet ownership during divorce can be a heated and complicated subject. Our pets become like important members of the family. So if you are considering a divorce you might be wondering: what happens to the dog? Pets are considered property, so a judge will divvy them up as an asset, just like any other asset in your marriage. If you want to protect your ownership of an animal that you bring into the marriage, you might want to investigate a pet prenuptial agreement. Many couples find creative ways to share custody of pets, but it’s important to consider what is best for your animal. If you are agonizing over the thought of your pet going through divorce, you are not alone. But the important thing is to provide plenty of love during this transition period.

Pet Ownership During Divorce: Who Gets the Dog?

Pets as Property

While we might think of our pets as members of our family, pet ownership during divorce is a little more straight-forward. Pets are property. When considering all of your assets, any animals will be thrown into the mix just like other property. If you and your ex are struggling to decide who gets the dog, a judge might have to make the decision for you. They’ll probably take into account if one of you brought the pet into the marriage, as well as other factors.

Pet Prenup

If you don’t want to struggle with anxiety over pet ownership during divorce, you might consider a pet prenup. A prenuptial agreement is a legal contract between two people that are intending to marry that outlines what will happen to assets in the event of a divorce. If you are bringing a pet into your marriage, you can outline in a prenup that the pet is yours in the event of a breakup.

Custody Arrangements

Pet ownership during divorce can get a little complicated, but ultimately, one spouse will have ownership in the end. However, this doesn’t mean that you and your ex cannot arrange your own pet custody agreement. Many couples choose to share custody of animals and allow the pet to go back and forth between their houses.

What’s Best for the Animal?

While many couples choose to share custody of their pets, it’s important to make sure that this is an arrangement that works for your animal. Some pets do fine going back and forth every week or every month between owners. For others, it can be stressful. You and your ex should keep your schedules as consistent as possible as far as eating and sleeping times. However, it’s important to make the decision that is best for your pet’s overall happiness. Pet custody during divorce is no small matter. Couples get incredibly heated and passionate about choosing who gets to keep the animal during a break-up. In fact, some couples are hesitant to even consider divorce because of the stress of figuring out what to do with their pet. Animals are considered property in a divorce, so a judge will make a ruling about who ultimately keeps them. However, many couples choose to work out a shared custody arrangement so that each can spend time with the dog or cat. If you are anxious, you might consider a pet prenup if you are bringing an animal into the marriage. Hopefully, you and your ex can find the solution that works best for you, and for you pet.

The Dangers of Secret-Keeping in a Marriage

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Secret-keeping in a marriage can be a slippery slope that can quickly lead to a lot of broken trust. Although everybody has a right to privacy, there is a difference between privacy and keeping secrets or lying to your partner. Lying can quickly compound into a very messy situation. Additionally, keeping secrets can block you from being able to be intimate with your partner. It can lead to broken trust and a lack of self-confidence for your spouse. And finally, it can be a slippery slope to behaviors like infidelity. Instead of keeping secrets from your spouse, it’s healthier to explore why you feel hesitant to share something with them. Tackling those feelings through marriage counseling or private therapy can help you open up more and can allow you to form an even deeper bond of trust with your spouse.

The Dangers of Secret-Keeping in a Marriage: Broken Trust

Lies Compound

One of the reasons why secret-keeping in a marriage is so dangerous is because lies often compound. When people lie about things, it’s difficult to stop at just one lie. They often end up telling more lies to cover up the first one. Then, it becomes difficult to remember which half-truths and lies of omission they’ve even told. After all of that, revealing the truth can feel much harder because they also have to reveal all of the cover-ups and deception surrounding it.

Lack of Intimacy

Another reason why secret-keeping in a marriage can be unhealthy is because it can lead to a lack of intimacy. A lie can create an invisible barrier between you and your partner that might be difficult to overcome. It might make you feel uncomfortable being around them, or make you avoid certain topics. Your spouse will likely pick up on that discomfort and be confused and hurt about why you suddenly are distancing yourself from them.

Broken Trust

Broken trust is another danger of secret-keeping in a marriage. If your partner catches you in a lie, it can be difficult to overcome. It might shake their confidence in you and make them question what other things you might be lying to them about. Additionally, being lied to can lead to a lot of confidence issues. That broken trust in your marriage can fester and become a huge source of pain if you continue to deceive your partner.

Slippery Slope

Finally, lying in a marriage can be a slippery slope to other behaviors. Once you get over the initial discomfort of telling a lie, it becomes easier and easier to tell more. Then, it might become easier to fall into unhealthy habits, like infidelity. Secret-keeping in a marriage can be a slippery slope to things like affairs. Then, as the lies add up and become more and more intricate, the resulting damage when they are found out can be catastrophic to your marriage.

Everybody has a right to privacy in their relationships, however, secret-keeping in a marriage can be unhealthy. It can lead to more and more lies, a lack of intimacy, and broken trust. It can also result in unhealthy behaviors like covering up financial struggles, infidelity, or addiction. If you are feeling the need to keep secrets from your spouse, it’s important to discover where those feelings are coming from. Instead of lying, seek out professional help. A marriage counselor can allow you both to open up more, or private therapy can help you come to terms with why you are feeling ashamed to share your feelings with your partner. Being vulnerable with your partner can actually bring you much closer together and can end up making you an even stronger couple.

Moving On After Infidelity

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
If you and your spouse are in the process of moving on after infidelity, it’s important to be patient with one another. An affair can truly shake a relationship to its core. But if you have decided to forgive your partner and continue with the marriage, it’s important to establish some ground rules moving forward. Open communication will be incredibly important, as will setting boundaries for the relationship. It’s also helpful to work on building back your self-confidence as well. Finally, seek professional help through a therapist or marriage counselor. Hopefully, they can give you some useful tips for learning to rebuild that trust in your partner. While some couples don’t survive infidelity, others are able to work together to get through this difficult time and end up even stronger on the other side.

Moving On After Infidelity: Learning to Trust Again

Establish Open Communication

When moving on after infidelity, it’s important to establish a policy of open communication. It can be difficult to learn to trust your partner again after they cheat on you. Especially if it involved lying to you about their whereabouts or being secretive with their behavior. Working on your communication skills can help you ensure that you are each filling one another’s emotional cups in the future.

Set Boundaries

Setting boundaries is also important when moving on after infidelity. While you might be able to move past this instance of cheating, your partner needs to understand that this is not the type of mistake that can happen more than once. Establish clear boundaries about what the consequences are if they cheat on you again. Additionally, it might be helpful to ensure that they and the person they cheated with break all contact.

Build Self-Confidence

Building up your self-confidence when moving on after infidelity can take some time. It’s easy for your self-esteem to take a hit if your partner cheats on you. But it’s important to remind yourself that you are not at fault. Still, it can take some time to get back your old confidence. Try out some new hobbies and set new goals for yourself. Reaching milestones can give you a boost of confidence.

Seek Professional Help

Finally, moving on after infidelity can be easier if you enlist the help of professionals. Marriage counseling can be hugely beneficial for you and your spouse. A counselor will help you rebuild your trust and can give you advice for navigating hardships in your relationship as well as communicating more effectively. However, it’s also helpful to see a therapist on your own to help with any residual trust or confidence issues. Moving on after an affair can be a process that takes some time. And it’s not usually a straight line. You might hit other bumps in the road along the way. However, if you and your spouse are determined to move past the cheating and make your marriage work, you’ll need to establish open communication from here on. You might also do well setting some boundaries for your relationship. Work on building back your self-confidence, and don’t be afraid to reach out and get professional help when you need it. Hopefully, you and your spouse will be able to move on from the affair and be able to rebuild your marriage even stronger than before.

The Benefits of Using “I Feel” Statements

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Using “I Feel” statements is a tactic that marriage counselors and mediators advocate for time and time again. When people argue, they are prone to using statements that place blame on the other party. During a divorce or mediation, this can create a toxic environment that makes your divorce even more contentious. Instead, opt to use statements starting with “I Feel” rather than “You” to help with more constructive conflict resolution. The idea is to be more assertive about your feelings while being less accusatory. When used properly, these statements can help you tackle disagreements more smoothly and hopefully, without escalating things further. If you and your ex are going through a difficult mediation or divorce, consider employing this powerful technique.

The Benefits of Using “I Feel” Statements in Conflict Resolution

What Are They?

The use of “I feel” statements comes from Thomas Gordon who originally applied the technique to children learning to associate emotions with actions. The idea is to explain how you’re feeling, rather than tackling a disagreement by placing blame on the other person. When we start an argument with “you always do such and such” it’s more likely to make the other person get defensive. Instead, saying “I feel hurt when you” might go more smoothly.

How to Use Them

When using “I feel” statements, it’s helpful to first identify an emotion, and then attach it to an issue. For example “I feel anxious when you stay out late without calling.” Then, add a call to action or a potential resolution. For example, “I feel anxious when you stay out late without calling. Can you please set a reminder in your phone to text me?” The resolution doesn’t have to work for both of you, but it’s a way of opening up a constructive conversation.

What’s the Point?

The point of “I feel” statements are to be able to help resolve conflict without things escalating because of the blame game. When we use phrases that start with accusations, it can feel like criticism. It makes the other person more likely to get defensive and dig in their heels more. In mediation or divorce court, it can lead to them becoming more contentious. The goal of using these types of statements is to be able to open up the lines of communication to find a resolution that works for both parties. Without increasing hostility.

Using Them in Mediation

Mediation is a great time to use “I feel” statements. Oftentimes, mediation fails because couples are too busy placing blame and accusations on one another. Things escalate and then each party begins making decisions out of resentment and pettiness. Instead, try employing “I feel” statements to keep tensions from boiling over. Hopefully, they will help you reach a compromise and will prevent the divorce from becoming more contentious. While it might sound silly at first, using “I feel” statements are a very popular conflict resolution tactic that many marriage counselors and family therapists employ. The statements allow each person to express their feelings without placing blame or accusations on the other person. Using “I feel” instead of “You” to begin sentences can help you express ideas without making your ex feel defensive. If you are going through mediation or the divorce process, you can employ this technique to try to minimize hostility with your ex. Hopefully, you can use these statements to calm the waters and make your divorce less stressful.

Divorce Court: Putting Your Best Foot Forward

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Divorce court can be a long and arduous process. Even just the thought of going through the divorce process might have you feeling anxious and stressed out. To make the experience as positive as possible, it’s helpful to put your best foot forward and make the best first impressions that you can. Hire an attorney to represent your interests and protect yourself financially as soon as you can. Let go of the idea of “winning” and instead focus on prioritizing the things you care most about. Avoid trash-talking your ex, especially on social media. And finally, when you are actually in court, practice basic etiquette to start things out on a positive note. Hopefully, by setting yourself up for success you’ll be able to get the settlement you want and deserve.

Divorce Court: Putting Your Best Foot Forward to Get the Best Outcome

Hire an Attorney

The first step in improving your divorce court experience is to hire an attorney to represent your interests. They can walk you through the divorce process, help you gather materials, and help you present a case. Hire somebody as quickly as you can so that they can help you protect yourself financially and make the strongest case possible.

Let Go of “Winning”

It’s also helpful to let go of the idea of “winning” your divorce. In divorce court, there are no winners. Instead, focus on prioritizing the things that you care most about. Let go of petty squabbles and don’t let yourself get sucked into nit-picking over small details. Focus on your main goals and fight hard for them without getting distracted. Find ways to compromise whenever possible to make things less contentious.

Avoid Trash-Talking

Another thing that can help improve your divorce court experience is to avoid trash-talking your ex. Especially on social media. While it might feel good to vent to the world at large, it can get you into trouble. If word gets back to your ex, which it probably will, it can make them more contentious. It can also have harmful effects on any child custody battles because it might make a judge question whether or not you can co-parent peacefully in the future.

Court Etiquette

Finally, when facing divorce court, it’s important to know basic legal etiquette. Your attorney can walk you through the details, but you should plan to dress conservatively and professionally. Avoid loud clothing, accessories, or hairstyles. When in court, address the judge with the correct title, and always show respect to them and other members of the court. Don’t interrupt or cause distractions, and answer politely when asked questions. Divorce court is never fun for anybody. However, you can make your experience more positive by setting yourself up for success from the start. Hire an attorney as soon as you know that a divorce is inevitable so that you can begin protecting yourself legally and financially. Let go of the idea that anybody will come out on top and instead focus on the things you care about most. Avoid bashing your ex to avoid making things more contentious. And finally, dress the part and act politely when you are actually in court to make the best first impression. Hopefully, the divorce process will be as quick and stress-free as possible.

Getting Comfortable Talking About Money

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Getting comfortable talking about money with your spouse or significant other is readily important for the health of your relationship. Money is a huge part of life, and so if you plan to share your life with another person, money is bound to come up. Start the conversation early in your marriage, and keep checking in with each other frequently. The money conversation should be a big part of your life. Setting financial goals together can also bring you closer as a couple. You’ll be able to better understand what values you each have and what you both what your future to look like. While it can be awkward at first, having a money conversation with your spouse is an important part of building a strong foundation for your marriage.

Getting Comfortable Talking About Money with Your Partner

Why?

Getting comfortable talking about money with your spouse is important because, unfortunately, money is the root of a lot of problems in relationships. Having different views about spending and saving is okay, as long as you both are aware of it. And are comfortable having conversations about it. When one partner is “in charge” of the money and the other is unaware of your financial health, it can also lead to problems in your marriage. You should both have a clear picture of your finances.

Start Early

It’s important to start getting comfortable talking about money early in your relationship. Even before you marry. Make sure that you and your partner have financial goals and visions of the future that align with one another. If you find that you are very different in your approaches to finances, speaking with a couples counselor can be very helpful in opening up the lines of communication.

Check-In Frequently

It’s also important to continually check in with your partner when it comes to your finances. You should be having many conversations in a year about your finances so that you both know exactly where things stand. Don’t let the money conversation only be a topic when things are tight or when you’re both stressed. Instead, keep talking about money throughout your marriage.

Set Goals Together

Finally, setting financial goals together can help you with getting comfortable talking about money together. When you talk about your future, it can bring you closer because you’ll learn what sorts of things your partner values. Plus, you’ll each have a hand in building that future you both want. You can set short-term goals like saving for a new couch or long-term goals like saving for retirement or anniversary vacations. Getting comfortable talking about money with your spouse can help you avoid financial-related drama and arguments later on down the road. Finances are often a major factor in couples deciding to divorce. And a lot of times, it’s because they never really got on the same page with discussing finances. Set yourselves up for success by starting the conversation about your finances early on in your relationship. Check in together frequently so that you’re both on the same page with where you stand with money. And finally, set financial goals together and plan for your future. Don’t let finances be a source of conflict in your relationship.