Pet Support During Divorce: Exploring Benefits

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

It’s been proven that owning a pet is good for your health. Pets are stress relievers, companions, and a good excuse to get a little exercise or spend some time outside. So, what are the benefits of pet support during divorce? Let’s discuss…

Pet Support During Divorce: What Your Furry Friends Can Do For You… 

Good for You

​The benefits of pet support during divorce go on and on. Pets give their owners an overall better wellbeing and greater happiness. They can relieve stress in a high stress time and help keep your mind off your separation. In addition to that, they are great cuddle buddies and are always happy to see you.

Good for Your Health

One of the obvious benefits of pet support during divorce is the need for physical activity. When you’re grieving a divorce, it can be easy to stay in all day on the couch. A simple walk a couple times a day keeps you active and allows for bonding time. Additionally, a study from the American Heart Association shows that pets can help lower cholesterol and blood pressure.

Good for Children

Children are often confused and lonely when their parents are divorcing. It can be a difficult time for them, needing constant reassurance and extra love. A pet senses this need for extra love and provides just that. Amongst the other benefits of pet support during divorce, pets give children someone to talk to. Putting their thoughts and feelings into words, even to someone who can’t respond, allows a child to come to terms with what’s happening.

Not Just Pets

Other animals can also provide therapeutic relief for children during divorce and they don’t have to live in your home! Horses are healing animals. Learning to care for and ride a horse is a good outlet for built up emotions. Doing so can help ease anger and release frustrations for those who need an outlet. Working in a stable and riding horseback are benefits of pet support during divorce without the live-in component of a pet!

In conclusion, get a pet… Jokes aside, if you happen to be looking for someone loving to share your time with and come home to, consider getting a pet. The benefits of pet support during divorce greatly outweigh the drawbacks, like middle of the night potty breaks or the walks in the rain.

Common Divorce Mistakes: What to Avoid

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

With how important divorce is, you’re going to want to do it the right way. That means avoiding some common divorce mistakes. These mistakes can really make your divorce a lot harder than it should be…

Common Divorce Mistakes

Being confrontational

One of the common divorce mistakes is being too hostile or angry at your ex. Divorce can cause you to experience a lot of negative emotions, and anger certainly can be one of them. Usually, people will get angry at their ex because they blame them for what went wrong or the divorce itself.

This anger is going to make it hard to get anything done in a productive manner. Plus, it’ll make your position look a lot worse to someone like a judge. Therefore, despite what you might feel inside, it’s important to remain calm and cordial when interacting with your ex.

Refusing to cooperate

Another of the common divorce mistakes is when exes refuse to cooperate. Much like with being angry at your ex, it’s also easy to see why you wouldn’t want to work with them. After all, if your marriage didn’t work out, then how will things suddenly work now? However, you’d be surprised at how important it is.

Both you and your ex are going to want the most positive outcome possible. Being willing to work together and cooperatewill let you achieve that. As you find compromises , you’ll both end up with results that you’re satisfied with. This is better than trying to fight one another, and having no one end up happy with the outcome.

Not having support

A lack of support is one of the common divorce mistakes people don’t realize until it’s too late. Some people think that they either don’t need the help, or don’t want to “burden” others with their issues. As a result, they’ll try and tackle their divorce, and the emotions it brings, by themselves.

Usually, this has a negative effect on both the divorce, and a person’s emotional well-being. The thing is, support is very important for processing those strong emotions and starting the healing process. That’s why you shouldn’t be afraid to seek help from family, friends, counselors, or support groups.

Working Post-Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

After your divorce, you’ll probably want to boost your income. One good way to do that is by working post-divorce. However, if you haven’t worked in a while, it can feel a bit intimidating. Still, there’s a few steps you can take to get yourself prepared…

Working Post-Divorce: Getting Prepared

Determine your interests

Before you start working post-divorce, it’s important to determine what exactly you’d like to do. For instance, maybe you’d like to do the work you were doing before your marriage. You already have experience and the basic knowledge down, which can make it easier to start again.

Or, you might want to expand your horizons. In that case, it’s good to start doing some research. Consider what exactly it is you’d like to do, and what sort of jobs would fulfill that desire. You can also see what job fields tend to be hiring, as well as which ones pay better than others.

Improve your skills

Another good thing you should do before working post-divorce is to boost your skills. Even if you haven’t been working for a short while, industries are always making new advancements. Therefore, it might be useful to take something like a computer skills course, which will help you get familiar with the latest programs.

However, you might need something more-intensive, especially if you want to pursue a new career. In these cases, it’s useful to get some more education. You can accomplish this by taking courses at a nearby college. Community colleges in particular are a great way to improve your skills at a lower cost.

Refine your resume

A good resume is important for working post-divorce. After all, just because you haven’t been working doesn’t mean you don’t have marketable skills. Even things like volunteer work or other leadership positions can help boost your chances with a potential employer.

It also helps to have another pair of eyes check your resume. Let a friend or two read over it and check for any spelling or other grammatical errors. A career counselor can also help you make sure that your resume stand out.

Divorce with Adult Children: The Challenges

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Going through a divorce with adult children still presents problems for families. While it may be easier for an adult child to understand the situation better than a younger child, there are still challenges that a family will face.

Divorce with Adult Children: Things to Expect

Emotional Stress

It’s easy to think that divorce will only hurt young children, but divorce with adult children can be challenging too. It can still certainly emotionally affect their grown children. Parents will lean more on their adult children for emotional support, which may not happen with younger children. The parents share more about their personal details with adult children, which can lead to the children feeling uncomfortable and taking sides.

Grown children can also be angrier with their parents, because they think their parents should have divorced earlier. They can carry guilt if they find out their parents only stayed together in an unhappy marriage just for their sake.

Be Understanding and Supportive

While parents are entitled to separate if they choose to, it’s important that the parents try to speak to their kids with facts instead of with emotion. The act of divorce is emotional. However, joking or making rude comments about the other parent is harmful and can lead to a divide.

While divorce with adult children will not lead to custody battles or switching homes during the week, it can still have other implications. Adult children may need space and time to accept that their parents are getting a divorce, so make sure they are given that space if they need it.

Celebrating Holidays

When going through a divorce with adult children, you will still see issues around holidays. This could include trying to determine where the family will spend Thanksgiving or Christmas. If the divorce is amicable, then the best solution will be to try and get the family together and celebrate as one unit. If the divorce was messy, then you may need to split the two holidays with your former spouse. Another option would be to celebrate those holidays on different days than your ex is.

While many people may not think of the tolls of divorce on grown children, it certainly can affect them. It may affect them in different way than it does young kids, but it still will be difficult. Don’t dismiss their feelings and try to work through this difficult together.

Toxic Marriage: Signs To Watch For

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Ending up in a marriage where you’ve fallen out of love can be tough to grapple with. It can also be hard to tell when exactly this shift has occurred. However, there are some common signs of a toxic marriage you can look out for. That way, you can know when your marriage may no longer be working out…

Toxic Marriage: Common Indicators

No longer friends

One sign of a toxic marriage is when you feel like you aren’t friends with your partner anymore. It’s important for a couple to be friends as well as lover. You should be able to hang out and have fun, just like you would be if you were only friends.

If you find that you can’t do that anymore, though, then it could indicate things have turned toxic. This is especially true if you find yourself feeling awkward of frustrated when hanging out with them. Once you can no longer be friendly, your marriage itself will begin to weaken.

You can’t compromise

Something else which is important for a good marriage is compromising. Being able to compromise with your spouse is important for keeping the peace. As you strike a balance with a compromise, it shows that you and your partner can still work together to find solutions, even if you disagree at first.

Not being able to compromise can be an indication of a toxic marriage. Instead of being able to meet in the middle, you’ll both fight over who is right and who is wrong. This shows that you and your partner don’t respect each other’s feelings or opinions anymore.

You imagine a marriage-free life

A pretty apparent sign that you’re in a toxic marriage is when you’re already envisioning a life outside of it. When you thought about your future before, you probably envisioned being with your spouse. The goals you had planned out were something that you felt you could achieve alongside your spouse, while helping them do the same.

Now, it could be the case that you don’t even think about them being in your plans anymore. Rather, you imagine yourself doing things on your own. At this point, it can be pretty clear that there’s a lack of connection between you and your partner.

Peaceful Divorce: Minimize Conflict

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Most people assume that a divorce is going to have a lot of conflict. However, many separating partners actually have a relatively peaceful divorce. While it may not always be easy, making a few changes can help you keep conflict to a minimum…

Peaceful Divorce: Avoid Fights

Start off properly

Having a peaceful divorce depends a lot on how you bring up the divorce itself. Depending on how you break the news to your partner, they’ll be more or less likely to get upset. For instance, if you place all the blame on them and get very emotional, they’ll probably respond in a similar, angry manner. This can set a very negative tone for the rest of the divorce

Instead, you want to tell them your feelings peacefully and calmly someplace private. Don’t just start blaming them for everything that went wrong. Rather, explain how you feel and how you hope you can go about matters without conflict. In this situation, your partner is much more likely to agree with you.

Think things through

Your friends and family are very important for helping you during your divorce. At the same time, they’ll also want to give their input on the situation. While their intentions may be to help you, their unsolicited opinions may get overwhelming. In fact, they could influence you to make bad decisions if they’re biased against your ex.

Therefore, if you want a peaceful divorce, you have to think things through on your own. It’s important you have a space you can go to where you can get a clear head and consider what’s going on. That way, you can make the best decision without being influenced by others too much.

Be careful with social media

Many couples who wanted a peaceful divorce had those efforts undermined because of social media.  What usually happens is one ex will make very negative posts about their ex. Of course, it doesn’t take long for the other ex to see these posts, get angry, and change the entire tone of the divorce going forwards.

As a result, you should be extra careful with your social media posts. Avoid talking about your ex, and the divorce itself too. In fact, it may just be best to take a break from social media altogether during this time. That way, you won’t even need to worry about it!

Modern Dating: What To Know

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

It’s not always easy to get back into dating after you’ve gone through a divorce. That’s especially true if you’ve been out of the dating scene for some time. Modern dating comes with a couple of its own unique quirks. Knowing what these are can help you better prepare for when you try and get back out there…

Modern Dating: Unique Trends

The “ghosted” problem

The term “ghosted” had become pretty commonplace in the modern dating scene. Basically, it’s when someone completely stops communicating with you after you thought they were interested. Instead, they’ll either block your number and email, or just flat out ignore you.

This seems pretty harsh, but many times it’s not because of something you did. Rather, the person in question wanted to end things anyways, but also didn’t want any conflict that could come with it. The important thing is to not let it get to you!

Serious relationships take time

It can also take longer to enter a “serious” relationship in the modern dating scene. The thing is, it isn’t always a simple as just going from dates to dating proper. It takes a lot longer for potential partners to feel comfortable with “locking into” something exclusive.

In generally, it usually takes around two months for couples to enter a serious relationship. Before that, you want to make sure you don’t come off too strong. Let things develop naturally, and it’ll be a lot easier to see if your relationship will survive in the long-term.

Online dating is big

A lot of modern dating makes use of online dating sites or apps. In fact, one in five relationships begin via online dating! One in six marriages also began as a relationship created through an online dating service. As you might expect, researchers anticipate these numbers will only increase as time goes by.

Of course, dating online is a bit different than meeting people in-person. However, there’s a lot of convenience which comes with online methods. Plus, it gives you a quick way to filter your results to better find someone you’ll get along with. You just have to be careful about the potential risks as well!

How-to Work Through Arguments: Conflict Resolution

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Arguments can be either beneficial or toxic for relationships. This wide difference all depends on how you manage them. A healthy argument can air out issues and leave both parties in a better place than they started. An unhealthy argument can lead to resentment, further anger, and a divide. Whether you are irritated with a friend or going through a divorce, there are ways to do so peacefully. It is really important to be able to work through arguments in a healthy way.

How-to Work Through Arguments: Have a Healthy Disagreement

Communicate

A big helper in managing arguments is to just make sure to communicate with the other person. If you let things build up and up, one day you will likely explode and have a huge argument. If something is bothering you, just talk to the other person about it so that it does not keep brewing inside of you. However, make sure that you address issues with your them in a kind manner. Do not attack them with the issue you want to bring up. Instead, do so in a non- accusatory manner. Have tact and think through your approach. This will help you work through arguments together, and keep them small before they blow up.

Listen

The next step in how you can work through arguments is to make sure and listen to the other person. If you do not hear out their side, they will get even more upset at you. Plus, if you listen to them, you may actually discover that they have legitimate reasons to be upset and end the argument. If the disagreement is in person, make sure to put down your phone, look at them, and show that you are paying attention.

If they are telling you that they do not think you are listening or paying attention, ask for clarification. Perhaps they are misunderstanding your communication style and you could adjust that so that they feel heard and listened to.

Apologize

Another part of being able to work through arguments is to learn how to apologize. Learn how to say that you are sorry. Figure out the best way to do so for the person you are in a disagreement with, as everyone has different communication styles and love languages. It does not have to be anything over the top, but personalizing an apology will go a long way!

Also, be sure that it is a sincere apology. People can tell when you do not truly want to apologize. Make sure it is not a back-handed apology that has a hidden jab in it. This will help you to be better at managing any arguments you have.

How-to Avoid Co-Parenting Mistakes

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Switching from being married to being co-parents after a divorce isn’t always easy. Many former couples struggle with making the transition. While mistakes will happen, there are some co-parenting mistakes you’ll want to do your best to avoid. Doing so will help make your experience a lot smoother…

How-to Avoid Co-Parenting Mistakes: Common Issues

Picking fights

One of the most common co-parenting mistakes is when co-parents start to pick fights. It’s understandable that tensions may be a bit high following your divorce. As such, when you have to meet your co-parent, it can be tough to be totally relaxed. This is especially true if your co-parent is seemingly going out of their way to push your buttons.

A good way to avoid these fights is by waiting until you both cool off to meet in person. Instead, you can keep in touch via texts or phone calls. It’s also important for both of you to recognize when you’re in the wrong. Apologize after saying rude, even if your other co-parent doesn’t, to set a good example for your kids.

Forgetting the point

Another of the common co-parenting mistakes is when co-parents lose sight of their goals. Instead of trying to be good co-parents to their kids, they instead try and gain an “upper hand” over their ex. This ends up causing a power struggle to develop. Now, each co-parent will try and make requests or demands for their own benefit, rather than for the kids.

Remember that co-parenting isn’t a competition. Your kids will need both of you to be positive influences in their lives. If they see you fighting and acting like that, you’ll be leaving a bad impression. Therefore, you and your co-parent need to be willing to work together for the benefit of your kids.

Bad communication

Many co-parenting mistakes are caused by bad communication. It could be that you and your co-parent barely talk to one another. This can end up causing a lot of miscommunication, leaving you or them out of the loop. As a result, this tends to cause a lot of tension and subsequent arguments.

Good communication is crucial to any co-parenting arrangement. As such, you and your co-parent should remain in regular contact. Even just simple texts or calls will go a long way in clearing things up and making sure everyone is on the same page.

Telling Your Children About Your Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Telling your children about your divorce might be one of the most difficult discussions you’ll ever have in your life. However, if you plan in advance, you can better prepare for handling this tough conversation. You and your partner really need to work together on this, so try to put aside your differences for the sake of the children. You’ll need to be a team to prepare how you’ll talk to the kids, and answer their questions. You should also try to tell them together. Reassure them that they will adjust. Finally, give them space to absorb the new information. It will be painful, but preparing in advance can make this conversation more bearable.

Telling Your Children About Your Divorce: Plan In Advance

Prepare Beforehand

Telling your children about your divorce needs to be a team effort between you and your spouse. You might disagree on a lot, but you’ll need to put aside differences in order to have a healthy conversation with your kids. You’ll need to decide the narrative that you’re going to tell the children about why you are divorcing. You don’t need to get into all the details, but a general idea of how to tackle that question without blaming can be helpful. Also, try to prepare for their questions. They may want to know which parent they’ll be living with, where they’ll be staying if they’ll be changing schools or moving. All of these are valid concerns and you should try to have an answer ready to go for them.

Tell Them Together

Telling your children about your divorce is best done together. That way, you’ll be able to share with them the reasons without playing the blame game. They can ask all the questions they want, and you and your spouse can answer them together. They need to see that you are both in agreement that this is the best course of action for your family. It also shows that you can work together and that you’ll both be committed to making things as smooth as possible. If your children are of similar ages, try to tell them at the same time so that they don’t hear about it from a sibling.

Reassure Them

The absolute most important thing when telling your children about your divorce is to reassure them. Reassure them that you love them and that you are going to make the divorce as smooth as you can for them. You’ll of course reassure them that they played no part in the reason for the divorce. That there is nothing they did to cause it. And that there was nothing they could do to prevent it. Also reassure them that even though it will be hard, they will adjust to this new life. You’ll need to reassure them many times throughout the process.

Give Them Space

Finally, after telling your children about your divorce, give them space. Everybody needs time to adjust to hearing life-changing news. They’ll need to think out all of what this means for their lives. They’ll probably have many questions and concerns. Even though it’s painful, try to always be open and willing to talk to them about your divorce. Some children may shut down for a little while they process. Reassure them that you would like to talk to them whenever they feel like it. Let them react how they need to react because they have a right to their feelings.

It will be hard. It will be painful. But telling your children about your divorce will ultimately go better if you prepare in advance. Make a plan with your partner about how to tell them and how to answer their questions. Find a non-blaming narrative that is age-appropriate. Sit down as a family sometime when you can really take your time with the conversation. Reassure them that they will adjust and that the divorce is not their fault. And finally, give them space to absorb this new vision of their lives. While it’s difficult to have these conversations, in the end, you are trying to do what is best for them. They’ll be happier with two parents who co-parent in a healthy way than they would be with two parents living in a toxic marriage.