Household Transitions: Post-Divorce Adjustments

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Having to adapt to two different households can be tough for your kids after your divorce. As a result, it’s important to try and make those household transitions easier for your children. After all, this is completely new to every one of you. Taking time and consideration will help them a lot with going in-between you and your ex’s homes…

Household Transitions: Make Them Easier

Go over your schedule

You won’t want your kids to be caught off guard by a household transition. Not knowing when they’ll need to go from one home to the other can be a source of great anxiety for them. Rather, it’s best you talk to them ahead of time about the schedule you and your co-parent are working on.

Doing this will help your kids better prepare for making these transitions. Plus, it’s very easy to help them keep track, especially when you’re first starting out. A simple calendar can be all they need to easily keep track of when they’re going to make the switch to the other household.

 Avoid making them keep a bag

It’s pretty natural for us to pack a bag when we’re making a trip. In this context, however, it’s probably best that you make it so your kids won’t need to do so. Having them pack a bag of their stuff each time they go between homes can make these household transitions a lot harder on them.

Basically, this causes their homes to not really feel like a home. Rather, they’ll constantly feel like they have one foot out the door. It can also be stressful if they forget something at another house. Instead, you should both make it so there’s very little your kids will need when they go from one house to the other.

Avoid changeover conflict

For parents, the tricky part of household transitions can be having to be together again. Depending on your co-parenting relationship, these meetups can be potential points of contention for the both of you. This is especially true if there was something related to the kids that you recently disagreed on.

Still, you want to avoid any conflict during these transitions. Not only will it be bad for your co-parenting goals, but it’ll also be bad for the kids as well. Save those types of conversations for another time so your kids won’t be caught up in the blow back.

Sick Child: Co-parenting in Difficult Times

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Every parent expects for their kid to get sick now and then. However, having a sick child while co-parenting can impact your normal plan. Therefore, it’s good to know how you can co-parent effectively while also caring for your kid at the same time…

 Sick Child: Co-Parenting Methods

Prepare in advance

It’s always a good idea to plan in advance for a sick child. If it’s something you know will happen eventually, you should go ahead and get yourself ready. For instance, you both will want to stock up on some good basic medicine. You’ll also want to have any other important info, like their doctor’s contact details, insurance details, and lists of any medication or allergies.

As an extra precaution, be sure to know where to go in case of an emergency. The last thing you want when your kid gets really sick is not knowing where you can go for help. Take time to figure out where the closest hospitals are for both of your homes.

Be willing to make changes

When dealing with a sick child, you’ll want to be flexible when it comes to your original co-parenting plan. It could be the case that your kid is too sick to go to school, or even move houses. It’ll be a lot better for their recovery and overall well-being if they instead stay in one place as they try and get over their sickness.

Just be sure that you and co-parent talk about this beforehand. You don’t want to just say out of nowhere that you won’t be sticking to the original agreement. As long as you’re both on the same page, it becomes easier to accept these short-term changes.

Be united

The best thing you can do for your sick child is to come together and help them. Now is a time where they’ll especially benefit from care from the both of you. Even if you have your differences, this is when it’s much better to work as a team rather than be at odds with one another.

For example, maybe your co-parent can call and text your child more to make up for the other missed time. You may even invite them over to let them spend time together. This is great for your kid’s well-being, and shows them you both care for them and are helping to make them feel better.

Legal Name Change After Divorce: Update Your Info

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Everything is finalized, and you just got a legal name change after your divorce. However, you realize that all of your documents and accounts have your married name on them. There are so many things that you’ll need to update that it may feel overwhelming. Just take one step at a time and you will get it all changed over in no time.

Legal Name Change After Divorce: What Needs Updating

Social Security Card

Before you can proceed with changing over many other documents, you will need to get an updated social security card. Getting a legal name change after a divorce is one of the qualifying reasons that the social security office will let you get an updated card.

In order to get a new card, you will need to go to your local social office. If you don’t want to wait in a line, there may be appointments available if you plan ahead of time. If you are a US citizen, you will be required to bring several original documents with you. These include a proof of name change, so your divorce certificate or court order for a name change. You will need to bring a form of identification, such as a passport or US driver’s license (even if it has your married name). Also, you’ll need proof of citizenship, such as a passport or US birth certificate.

Driver’s License

Once you have an updated social security card, you can go to the DMV to get a new driver’s license. They will not allow you to get a license with a legal name change unless you have a new social security card already. Some states require you to let the DMV know of your legal name change within 60 days.

You’ll need to bring your updated social security card and name change documents with you. Check with your state’s DMV to see what other documentation you may need to bring as well. When you update your driver’s license, you will also be able to update your voter registration as well.

Financial Institutions

Don’t forget to update your credit cards after a legal name change. Those can usually be updated on the internet or over the phone. However, they will typically want proof of the name change.

You will want to contact your bank as well. They will be able to help you update your name on your bank accounts and debit cards.

Internet

Depending on if your email address included your married name, you may need to update your email address after you get a legal name change. Likewise, you’ll want to update social media accounts as well. Don’t forget to share the new information with your friends and family, but in the meantime, you can set up an email forwarding system so that emails to your old email address still get to you.

There are many things to consider if you are going to get a legal name change after your divorce. If you do decide to change your name, there will be documents and accounts you’ll need to update as well. It may seem daunting, but by taking one step at a time, you’ll have everything switched over in no time.

What to Do About Visitation Safety Concerns

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
It can be panic-inducing to deal with visitation safety concerns when it comes to your children being around your ex. If you have a co-parent that is unpredictable, abusive, or otherwise not trustworthy around your kids, there are ways that you can protect them. First of all, enlist the help of an experienced attorney who can help you make your case to a judge. Seek sole custody of your children so that you’ll be the only parent responsible for making legal decisions about them. Consider asking for a protective order if you feel they are in acute danger. And finally, consider asking for supervised visitation if you feel that your children shouldn’t be alone with their other parent. Hopefully, you and your attorney can win your case and find an outcome that alleviates your concerns.

What to Do About Visitation Safety Concerns: Protecting Your Children

Enlist an Attorney

If you have visitation safety concerns, consult an attorney immediately. Don’t take drastic action on your own. Instead, find an experienced lawyer who can help you make a case before a judge about why you feel there are safety concerns with your ex being around your children. The attorney can go over various options and help you gather evidence for your case.

Seek Sole Custody

You likely want to seek sole custody if you have visitation safety concerns about your ex. If you have sole legal custody, it means that you can make all decisions on your children’s behalf. For example, medical or educational decisions. If you have sole physical custody, that means that your children will live with you only. Often that means that your ex has visitation rights, but the circumstances of those vary from case to case.

Ask for a Protective Order

You and your attorney might decide to pursue a protective order on behalf of yourself or your children if you’re dealing with visitation safety concerns. You might be asked to show evidence of abusive or dangerous behavior. For example, texts or messages with threats. You might need to involve others like therapists, child protective services, or social workers.

Consider Supervised Visitation

Finally, one last route you can take if you’re dealing with visitation safety concerns is to ask for supervised visitation. This means that anytime your ex interacts with your children, they’ll be closely monitored by a third party. This might be a social worker, psychologist, or other trained professional. Furthermore, the court will decide where these visits take place, like a child protective services department or designated facility. If you have safety concerns about your children being around your ex, it can be quite frightening and frustrating to deal with as a parent. The court takes concerns like this very seriously. Hire an attorney immediately who can help you begin preparing a case to seek sole custody of your children. They can also help you gather documentation and properly file a protective order or restraining order. Finally, they can help make a case for only allowing supervised visitation between your ex and your children. Dealing with visitation safety concerns can be very difficult to manage, but hopefully, you and your attorney can come up with a plan that makes you feel more comfortable about your children’s well-being.

Dealing with a Financially Irresponsible Spouse

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Dealing with a financially irresponsible spouse can be incredibly frustrating, and it could put you and your family at risk. While everybody splurges occasionally, if you are dealing with a partner that consistently abuses your finances, it can cause irrevocable havoc in your life. It’s important to confront the issue head-on and be honest about what’s going on. Try to pinpoint where the actual problem is and focus on fixing it. You might need to take over control of your family finances, at least until your partner can be more trustworthy with money. And finally, in extreme cases, you might need to take further steps to protect yourself like opening your bank accounts. Hopefully, you and your partner can work through any money issues and get things back on track quickly.

Dealing with a Financially Irresponsible Spouse: Protecting Yourself

Be Honest About the Issues

When dealing with a financially irresponsible spouse, it’s important, to be honest and upfront about what’s going on. Sit them down for a discussion about why you feel there is a spending issue. Hopefully, they’ll be honest with you about what’s going on. Seeking help from a marriage counselor or therapist can help make discussions like these go more smoothly.

Try to Pinpoint the Problem

Try to brainstorm together to figure out what the source of trouble is for a financially irresponsible spouse. For example, is it eating out at restaurants, spending on clothes, or impulse purchases? Is it not being able to foresee bills coming up and saving properly? Or is it something more serious like a gambling addiction? Finding the source of the trouble might help you find solutions for fixing it.

Take Control of Finances

If you have a financially irresponsible spouse, it might be time to take control of family finances. However, this doesn’t mean that you have to cut your partner out of decisions. Just make sure that you are the one paying bills, and overseeing spending. Move bills to your name so that you can be sure they are paid on time. Tell your partner when you’re paying for things, and for how much.

Protect Yourself

Finally, you might have to take more drastic measures if your spouse is out of control with their spending. Failing to pay bills on time, or maxing out credit cards can seriously hinder your credit. You might consider getting them a secured credit card, or even opening up bank accounts in your name where you can pay household bills and begin saving. You might love your partner very much, but they could be devastating to you and your children financially. It’s important to take steps to protect yourself and your family if you are living with a financially irresponsible spouse. It might be issued with overspending, failing to save money, or lapsing on bills, but regardless, it can do a lot of damage to your life and credit score. Try to sit your partner down for an honest conversation about finances, and let them know your concerns. See if they can help you find solutions to the issue, or commit to making changes. Consider taking over family finances so that you can ensure bills are paid on time. And finally, you might need to think about opening up your bank accounts, or removing your spouse’s name from bills so that you have more control. Hopefully, the two of you can seek counseling and work through this issue so that you can set and reach financial goals together.

Meeting People After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Meeting people after a divorce can feel a little intimidating, whether you’re looking to make some new friends or potentially meet a new partner. Divorce can be isolating, as can a dysfunctional marriage. Many people, go through the divorce proceeding and then realize they are lonely when all of it is over. Be patient with yourself and remember to take plenty of time before moving on to a new partner. A divorce support group is a great way to make friends with others who have been through similar circumstances. You might also meet somebody new if you expand your horizons and try some new hobbies. Finally, don’t underestimate the power of a friendly attitude. Hopefully, you can surround yourself with supportive friends and maybe even think about dating again.

Meeting People After Divorce: Getting Back Out There

Be Patient

Meeting people after a divorce can take some time. You might struggle to maintain friendships with couples that you knew when you were married. Or you might have lost touch with old friends over the years. It’s never too late to reach out to past acquaintances. But if you’re looking to meet some new people, give yourself time. If you’re considering dating again, make sure that you’ve taken plenty of time to process your feelings and heal from the divorce.

Divorce Support Group

A divorce support group can help meet people after a divorce. There are various kinds of support groups, and you might need to shop around to find the best fit for you. Some groups meet to talk through their experiences, and groups meet to go on group hikes. And everything in between! Explore local groups and see if anything clicks for you.

Try a New Hobby

Trying a new hobby is another great way of meeting people after a divorce. Immerse yourself in something new and exciting. Now is the time to focus on your own needs, so explore something that you’ve always wanted to do. Improving at a new skill like salsa dancing or painting will also give you a self-confidence boost.

Be Open and Friendly

Finally, sometimes meeting people after divorce is all about just having an open and friendly attitude. Be kind to people when you’re out and about. Say hello to strangers, or strike up a conversation while you wait for your coffee order. Say yes to invitations from friends, even if you worry you might not know many people at the event. You never know where you might meet your next special someone. Going through the process of divorce can be very isolating and draining for many people. It can be stressful too and keeps you busy all the time. Often, this means that friendships take a back seat. Plus, if your social group mainly consists of couples, it can be difficult to feel connected. Meeting people after divorce that you have more in common with can be helpful, especially if you’re curious about getting back into the dating world. Consider divorce support groups and meetup groups if you’re looking to connect with other divorcees. Additionally, now is a great time to delve into a new hobby and take some classes. Finally, have a friendly and approachable attitude when you’re out and about, and try to say yes to social invitations whenever possible. Hopefully, by being brave and putting yourself out there, you’ll meet some great friends and make some lasting connections.

Weathering a Recession Together

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
With the housing market and inflation rates changing so much lately, many couples are wondering if they’ll be weathering a recession together soon. Hopefully, the economy will stay strong, but it’s still important to understand how to get through financial ups and downs without conflict. Throughout a marriage, there will likely be some times when money is tight, and this can often lead to marital fights. Get comfortable talking about finances together so that you can be on the same page. Discuss a budget and think of ways to cut back on spending. Finally, don’t play the blame game, and instead work together towards mutual financial goals. Hopefully, you can weather any financial dips and be stronger for it.

Weathering a Recession Together: How to Overcome Financial Struggles as a Couple

Get Comfy Talking About Money

One of the best things you can do if you’re facing weathering a recession together is to get comfortable talking about money. Whether it’s a national economic crisis or a personal financial dip, you’ll need to be able to communicate effectively. It can be uncomfortable to talk about money at first, but it’s an important part of your marriage. Both spouses should have an overview of their financial health at all times, and both should be involved in financial decision-making.

Make a Budget

Another thing that you can do in advance of weathering a recession together is to make a budget. Knowing exactly how much money is coming in each month vs how much money you’re spending can be very helpful. Try to account for yearly bills like registration renewals and home warranties. Additionally, don’t forget about monthly subscription services, which can add up quickly.

Find Ways to Cut Back

Sit down together and try to think of ways that you can cut back. You might consider limiting the number of meals you eat out or choosing cheaper options. Look for coupons for groceries that are getting more and more expensive. Ask about options for payment plans for large medical bills, and try to buy second-hand when possible. Make sure that you both are cutting back and that it’s not just one partner making sacrifices.

Don’t Place the Blame

Finally, when weathering a recession together, don’t place blame. It’s easy to react to stress and tension by taking it out on your partner. Instead, try to brainstorm together about ways to save and set financial goals. Try to build up an emergency savings account, and then move on to other savings like retirement or travel. Finally, be honest with one another about spending habits, and don’t try to hide debts. Hopefully, the U.S. will avoid any large-scale economic struggles in the coming months, but even so, couples might be weathering a recession together if their finances take a dip. Every marriage has its ups and downs. And that includes financial windfalls and struggles. Money problems can be one of the leading causes of divorce, so try not to let your finances become a source of conflict. Get comfortable talking about money together, and create a budget so you know exactly how much money is coming in and going out. Additionally, try to find ways to cut back on spending where you can, and avoid blaming one another for economic struggles. Hopefully, you’ll be able to bounce back quickly from any financial struggles and be stronger on the other side as a couple.

Talking to Your Children About Separation

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
Talking to your children about separation and divorce can be an incredibly painful conversation. For many couples, the fear of discussions like this forces them to stay married far longer than is healthy. The truth is, your children will be happier with parents that can peacefully co-parent than with parents that continue to live together with a toxic relationship. Present a united front and try to talk to them as a team. Choose age-appropriate resources to help you with explaining what’s happening. Reassure them that they’ll get used to these changes quickly and that you love them just the same as always. And finally, give them space to react and ask questions or voice concerns. While it can be difficult to have the conversation, hopefully, it will clear the path for honest communication about the transition they’re facing.

Talking to Your Children About Separation: Reassuring Them

Present a United Front

If you and your spouse are talking to your children about separation, it’s very helpful to present a united front. Sit down with them together and explain the situation without using harmful or blaming language. Don’t air all of your dirty laundries, but instead use simple and easy-to-understand terms. Even when you are apart, don’t trash talk one another in front of your children as it can create confusion and anxiety for them.

Choose Age-Appropriate Resources

Another thing that can be helpful when talking to your children about separation is to use age-appropriate resources. For younger children, there might be picture books or tv shows that focus on the concept of divorce and separation. For older children, they might appreciate having a peer counselor or therapist to speak to about their feelings.

Reassure Them

No matter what, be reassuring when talking to your children about separation. Children often take on a lot of the blame for parents splitting up. So make sure they understand that this was your choice and that you both love them just the same. Even older children can use a little extra reassurance during this transitional period. Additionally, let them know that you’ll all get used to these changes quickly and their lives will feel completely normal soon enough.

Let Them Ask Questions

Finally, after talking to your children about separation, give them plenty of space to process their emotions. They might react with anger, hurt, anxiety, or several other emotions. Give them space to ask any questions they need or voice any concerns. Older children might benefit from having a non-parent adult to talk to. And younger children might show signs of regression like issues with potty training or sleep. All of these reactions are normal, and your children will hopefully adjust quickly. Talking to your children about separation can be difficult, but it’s important to let them know what to expect in the coming weeks and months. Especially if you and your spouse are moving forward with a divorce. Talk to them as a team if you can, and avoid bashing each other or blaming one another in front of them. Use age-appropriate books and resources to help them understand. Be extra reassuring during this transitional stage, even with older children. And finally, give them plenty of time and space to process their reaction to the situation. Hopefully, you’ll all adjust quickly and move forward into the next chapter of your lives with peaceful co-parenting as a goal.

How to Create a Budget After Divorce

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves

Creating a budget after divorce is absolutely critical. Things have probably changed for you financially now that you’re separated. You may have to make some lifestyle changes in order to stick to a healthy budget. To set your budget, you first need to figure out exactly how much money is coming in. Next, calculate how much your essentials cost. Then calculate any discretionary spending and figure out how much of it you can cut out. And finally, track everything you pay for so you know whether or not you’ve stuck to your goal. Hopefully, by creating a budget, you’ll be able to adjust more easily to your new life and create a savings cushion.

How to Create a Budget After Divorce: Make a Plan and Stick to It

Figure Out Money Coming In

Creating a budget after divorce starts with calculating exactly how much money is coming in. This doesn’t mean your salary. This means your salary minus anything that gets taken out of it. For example, take into account taxes, social security, and 401k deductions. If you are receiving or paying out alimony or child support, include this. Your overall income might be very different now that you are calculating it without your spouse’s additional earnings. You need to know exactly how much money you have to work with at the end of the day.

Calculate Essentials

Next, when creating a budget after divorce, figure out your absolute essentials. You’ll want to know exactly how much money each month you need to survive. These include things like rent or mortgage payments, utilities, health insurance, and groceries. In addition, you may consider a car payment or internet access to work from home as essential needs. Don’t forget essentials for your children like daycare payments.

Calculate Discretionary Spending

Anything that isn’t essential is considered discretionary spending. This is where you can make lifestyle changes and possibly cut your spending if you’re trying to budget after divorce. Some of these things might feel a bit more essential than others. For example, maybe you could give up eating at restaurants several nights a week, but you really don’t think you could give up Netflix. Decide which things are necessary for you to really enjoy life and which things you might be able to reduce or cut out entirely. For example, perhaps you could subscribe to Netflix and Hulu and cut out your cable bill. Or find a car with a smaller monthly payment.

Track Your Spending

Finally, trying to stick to a budget after divorce means you have to track your spending. Otherwise, you won’t know whether or not you’ve actually stuck to your spending goals. Every time you spend money on anything, write it down. There are apps on your phone for this, like Mint, that will help you track your spending. They can give you some idea of how much you’re spending on things that really aren’t essential.

Creating a budget after divorce is important since your financial habits might need to change. It’s difficult to make the transition from two budgets to just one, but a budget will help. Figure out exactly how much money is coming in at the end of the day. Then figure out what your essentials are each month. Next, calculate how much you’d like to spend on discretionary things. And finally, track everything you spend money on so you know if you’re sticking to your goals. Budgeting is an important life skill and one that might serve you well in your new single life, and if you meet another partner down the road. Sticking to a budget might allow you to build up savings for things like home improvements, travel, and emergencies.

Organize for Your Divorce: Be Prepared

Posted on by Robert J. Reeves
It’s a good idea to organize for your divorce before it even starts. A divorce is an intense process. It can take a very long time and involves a lot of paperwork. It’s a good idea to go ahead and start preparing in advance so that you aren’t scrambling to find things later. Get together a list of contacts and documents that you might need. It’s also a good idea to organize your bank accounts and know what is in each of them and who’s names they are in. You should have a list of your assets both personal and marital. And finally, it’s a good idea to go ahead and have a general idea of what kind of childcare schedule might work for you after the divorce is final. Hopefully, being organized at the outset of the divorce can help it be a smoother process for you.

Organize for Your Divorce: Be Prepared Before It Starts

Comprise A List of Contacts

One thing you’ll need when you organize for your divorce is a list of contacts and documents. You will obviously need to find a divorce attorney. But you might also need to speak to a financial advisor and some other professionals. A realtor can give you advice about your living situation. And if you have children, it’s good to get a list of potential childcare providers ready. You will likely have a lot of court appearances and meetings to get to and might need to call in a babysitter periodically.

Organize Documents

The next thing to organize for your divorce is legal documents. Get a folder so that you can keep things separated. You’ll probably want to keep a place for emails with your attorney and your spouse. You might need to show bank statements, bills, loan documents, and others. You might also need copies of things like your marriage license and birth certificate. Find a way to organize all of this so that you don’t get flustered when asked to produce any paperwork.

Organize Finances

You’ll also need to organize your finances when you go to organize for your divorce. You should have a list of bank accounts as well as a list of who controls each and know the rough balances. You should also know all of your various loans, including mortgage info, credit card info, and any student loans. It’s a good idea to make a list of your assets, both your personal and marital assets.

Potential Calendar

Finally, one last thing that you can try to organize for your divorce is your schedule. You might not really know exactly how the child custody arrangement is going to work out. However, you can still get a school calendar and have some idea of which holidays and events you’d like to make sure and be a part of. You can also look at your work calendar and highlight any days that you will be out of pocket. That way you can ensure that you won’t need to be in court during those times. It’s always a good idea to organize your divorce before it even starts. That way you won’t be scrambling to find documents or hire a babysitter spur of the moment. This can just lead to some added stress. And when going through a divorce, extra stress is the last thing you need. Organize your contact list for people you might need to interact with during the divorce. It’s also a good idea to organize your legal documents and finances. And finally, try to plan out your calendar in advance so that you have some idea of what you’d like your custody schedule to look like. Hopefully, getting organized before your divorce even starts will make the whole process smoother and quicker for you.