During the separation period, or even after the divorce, you may feel like you do not even know who you are anymore. You likely defined yourself as being a husband or a wife, and part of a unit, but now you just feel alone. However, you do not need to feel this way. While it may be a confusing time of trying to find yourself, take these steps to help define your identity after divorce.
How-to Define Your Identity After Divorce: Finding Yourself
Be Yourself
It is important to remember that before you were married and considered to be a part of a couple, you were just simply you. With that in mind, you were still you during your marriage. That does not change after divorce either. The things that made you special, still make you special. You are not defined by your martial status, or who you are (or are not) married to. Try and dig deep and remember the things that make you tick. What activities you like, what brings you joy, what makes you sad.
So many people lose themselves in a relationship. While it is good to work towards having things in common with your spouse, you do not want to become your spouse. However, even if you fell into this trap, you can still find yourself again. Start by journaling your feelings, interests and dislikes. Really explore these thoughts, and start to remember who you are. This is a great first step in defining your identity after divorce.
Change is Okay
In the same way, know that it is okay that if you find you have changed over time. You enjoyed certain things before you ever got married. However, that does not mean that you have love the same things when you are single again. You have grown up, and your tastes and desires may have changed. Plus, you have lived and experienced things. Therefore, do not expect your identity to be the same after divorce as it was before you were married.
If you need help with this, do not be afraid to go to therapy or talk with someone. This entire process can be emotionally challenging and draining, and you are not the first person to feel this way. Over time, you will see that you start to carve out your own routines and your own life, creating your very own identity. Before you know it, you will feel comfortable just being yourself.
